So my ex-husband and I share two kids together. A 9 and 12-year-old. He lives across the country. He hasn’t had any contact with them for nine years, and that’s been his choice. He knows our address and my phone number — still nothing. I’m remarried and have two additional children. Well, we are currently trying to relocate. Just to NY. Not too far away from where I am right now. But it is a different state. I’ve found his gift number, and I did message her to let them know we are moving. My question is, what happens if he says no?? It’s been nine years, his choice, how is that fair?? Especially when our kids want to move. Will I just have to go to court? I’m so torn. I can’t even sleep because I’m not sure what he will say. He hates me and anything that has to do with me, so naturally, I feel like he will say no. Ugh, thanks for reading sorry it’s so long.
If there is no legal court agreement in place, then you can but prepare for court anyways
Can you prove everything you’re saying? Texts emails whatever? In my state after 6months of no contact it’s considered abandonment.
Don’t ask. Just go. He’s been gone 9 years. The court does what’s best for the kids.
Fk him. I wouldnt ask him shit.
Everything depends on whether or not he has any type of custody and if it’s to another state. If both answers are no then he has absolutely no say. If it goes to court I can’t see him winning with that visitation record.
Just move… if he isn’t motivated enough to try to see his kids, then he isn’t motivated enough to file anything and/or attend court. I wouldn’t have even asked.
What does your custody agreement say about moving? Standard is that you usually have to provide written notification to the other parent 30-60 days before the move. Unless it states in your custody agreement he can’t make you stay somewhere.
No contact with him for 9 years and you choose to tell him this? Why potentially create drama?
I don’t think he will really care, since he hasn’t for 9 years. It all depends on your custody arrangement though I think… but since he’s been completely out of the picture, I honestly don’t see where he would have much of a say. I can’t see this not resulting in you not being able to move. Just talk to someone who does this kind of stuff for a living and get the answers you need.
Why message his girlfriend? That just seems like you want a problem honestly. Just go, if he hasn’t had any contact in 9 years, clearly he is POS father and the court would likely not even take him seriously at this point, IF he even took it there.
If you ain’t got any papers. Move, give him your address, I bet he will still not ever come see the kids.
I’m surprised you even said anything if hes been gone for 9 years. I’d say he was fortunate you even updated him at all. Idk what the custody arrangement is but if he hasn’t been honoring his side of it then you have nothing to worry about.
Go to social services and ask them. Even if you dont qualify for state assistance they are there for those things. Or go to a lawyer.
If he lives in another state, moving to another state shouldn’t be an issue, even if you went to court. If the two of you were living in the same town he could potentially argue that moving to another state would prevent him from spending time with the kids. BUT moving when he already lives away from the kids? Not an issue.
I’m pretty sure a judge would side with you . Good luck with everything!
Girl, do what you want. He obviously doesn’t care about the babies he helped make.
Move & live your best life.
If he hasn’t had any contact with them then he won’t even care if you move. Just go! You have a new hubby and kids to think about.
I had the same issue but I went ahead and moved because it’s not like he was actually involved anyways. He didn’t do anything and surprisingly enough he is actually involved now that we live 12 hours away
It considered abandonment after 30 days of no contact. You are free to do as you wish.
If he hasn’t had contact with them in that long then go get sole physical and legal custody. Then he doesn’t get a say. Obviously he don’t want anything to do with them.
If there is no current court order, the new place isn’t that far from your current, he’s across the country and it’s been 9 YEARS, and you can prove all of that? I would just leave, you can tell him if you really want to but I don’t think you have to inform him of anything unless your new husband wants to adopt your kids. I also don’t think he has anything in his favor for you not to move.
You could always go to court to be safe, but no contact, basically abandonment is after one year of no contact. Don’t think he has much of a say. I honestly wouldn’t have even told him!
If he has had no contact for 9yrs i dont understand why ur just now involving him. It shouldnt matter. I would have just moved and established ur selves where u were. My xhusband went 2yrs without seeing our kids, i texted him as i was driving telling him we was moving to a different state. 🤷 he has seen our kids 5x in 7yrs and only bcuz his mom made him see them.
Just foward him new contacts and go. He hasn’t cared for 9 years.
Girl stop it’s been a decade you done move on remarried had 2 more kids .continue with your life if he said no would you not go … go if he have any issue he can take you court which I doubt as it been nearly a decade since he seen his kids , what did your husband say I’m sure he felt some kind of way I def wouldn’t have reach out to he gf continue what you been doing the last 9 yrs
Go to court. Do it legally. No judge is going to tell you that you cant move especially when the father has be absent for 9 years
He lives across the country? I really don’t think he can stop you. It’s not like he lives nearby and the move would make it harder for him to see the kids or anything. Since he doesn’t see them anyway, just go. If you/he don’t have court ordered custody, there’s nothing he can do. Only notify him with new address after you get settled. If you’re really worried, contact a lawyer and ask. Most lawyers give a free consultation.
Stop beating a dead horse (or dead beat dad) and don’t contact him again.
You’re just giving him the allusion of power over you and your kids if you involve him in things that he has chosen to not have anything to do with.
If that is the case why did you even bother telling him just move and if he is paying you child support give him the new address if he is paying to the court just change your address through the court.
Do you want unnecessary issues? Why even start to tell him after 9 years? Like alot of people have said, i dont understand why you’re trying to involve him NOW!?
If he had has zero contact in 9 years, then that should be grounds for you to request his rights taken away. Also if you are moving states but not taking them away from him by moving then you don’t need to worry.
It’s not in his court. Do what you have to do. He has no say. He’s Ben absent for over 5 years. Legally you can take his rights at this point if you want to. But all states have different ways
Yeah I would just move… I wouldn’t of even bothered messaging her
If he hasnt comtacted you in 9 years why even worry about it. He’s not worried about you…
I don’t think you have any worries…he moved from them
It’s been 9 years since any contact?!
Why in the world would you even message anyone?! 
sounds like a problem you just put on yourself 
After 9 years this seems like your last ditch effort to get him involved. Move on. He obviously wants nothing to do with your children. If he’s not paying CS I’d file for abandonment as well.
Telling him was your biggest mistake. It’s been nine years . Why even bother ?
You can move and he’ll have to come to where you are to go to court and since he hasn’t been around I doubt he’ll do anything. You don’t need someone to tell you to do it. You’re looking for an approval for the guilt you have but you should not feel guilty at all.
My family is going thru this same thing. If he was awarded ANY custody thru court, unfortunately he can stop the move. (Unless he left state first. If u move without his “permission” u can get in trouble, even though he doesn’t have any communication… But different states are different and every case and every judge is different… Get ahold of an attorney ASAP. Good luck
Your first mistake was letting her know. If he has not been in their life for nine years then it’s none of his business.
If you don’t live local to him then it’s not an issue anyway.
You can’t move your kids away from him but if he doesn’t live there then it doesn’t matter
Stop involving him hes been absent for 9 years. Move. And if he starts a fight. Just be prepared to get an attorney for your sanity. Dont loose sleep over this. Simply not worth it.
Uh. If he hasn’t had any contact for 9 friggin years then let him try. Make him take you to court and that judge will tear him a new one. Enjoy the show.
If you move and take the kids he can take you to court and you could possibly lose your kids. My husband has 2 daughters from a previous relationship and she’s been talking about doing this, but the law could be different where you are.
He lives across the country but can tell you whether or not YOU can move??
Why would you bother telling him if he hasnt been involved for that long? I sure as hell wouldn’t.
Really? Just live your life. He hasn’t even been in it.
Talk to a family attorney but given that he already lives across the country he likely has no right there stop you from moving to NY. I had to send a certified letter with return receipt 60 days before I planned to relocate which allowed my son’s father time to file for a court hearing to stop me. He didn’t I kept the paperwork and we moved. I lived in MD when I went through that and moved to MN then had to do it again to move to Hawaii (married a soldier). It all worked out. But definitely talk to a lawyer in your state.
It’s been nine years. You should’ve just moved and not even told him. Once moved you could’ve messaged his mom the address or something so you aren’t being shady.
With no contact in 9 years, even if you have to go to court, I doubt a judge would side with him.
Just move and let it all go if he really wants to get in contact with your children he will
Why even say anything? Don’t cross bridges that you don’t have to.
After nine years, for one, I would not have even bothered to let him know. Especially if you don’t even have HIS number. Two, if he doesn’t live in the same state as you now, it should make any difference if you move your family to a different state. And three, if he does say “no”, I am guessing that he has no authority to do so anyway. Assuming there is not a custody order prohibiting you from moving. If he has had nothing to do with them for nine years, he has no say so in your activities.
Lolzzz you really care what he thinks??? He doesn’t deserve a say. He wouldn’t have even ever known unless you told him!!! You opened up your own can of worms.
Unless you have a court order that says you can’t move without his approval, he doesn’t get a say. He seems like a deadbeat parent anyway, he doesn’t deserve a say unless he actually wants to be there for his kids
In Indians if the other parent doesnt have contact and doesnt.pay child support in 2 years you can have their rights removed.
My first suggestion is to contact a lawyer! Secondly, document any and all communication! Thirdly, if you have his mailing address send a letter to him explaining your move and why! Send this certified mail/return receipt that way he has to sign for it! You will receive the certified slip back in the mail with his signature which proves you notified him well in advance! I can’t stress enough to document everything! This will help you in the long run if you have to go to court!
Is there an open court order that exists? Do you have full custody and him visitation or do you have 50/50 custody (joint legal) with you having primary placement?
If no court order exists, if he hasn’t been involved, if he doesn’t pay child support (no court order), than I truly think you are okay just to move!
Look up abandonment laws in your state then go from there
I called the judge and went around my ex
I’d say move. Regardless of court order. No contact in 9 years is sufficient enough that he doesnt follow any court order that’s in play. Most court orders dont have stipulations on living unless you have 50/50 anyways.
Well seeing as he lives across the country and doesnt see bor talk to them … what should it really matter?
Go see a judge
He lives across the country and hasnt been around for 9 years. Why would he have any say over you moving.? Screw him. Move anyways. He has no say in anything you do.
Why would you bother asking him if he allegedly hasn’t had contact with the children in 9 years?
If your court orders specifically say you can’t leave the state, go back to court and explain the situation. They’ll likely be on your side. If your orders don’t say you’re unable to leave the state, you don’t have to get his permission
I would just continue my life as I see fit. I’m trying to figure out why you even messaged to start with seeing how he has had no contact.
He can’t tell you no. It will depend on who has custody (court ordered) what the custody agreement says, and if it specifies you have to inform the courts before you move, that’s all you have to do. No parent can tell another parent they can or can’t move.
If he hasnt been around he has no right to tell you if you can move or not. If you have a court order or something that legally shows you can’t its a different story. So if there is no court order anything. Move don’t sweat it. You can send him new address or you can continue being happy and providing what your kids need.
If its been 9 years then why care what he things now
Ex husband shouldn’t have a say especially since he doesn’t care to see his own kids
If he hasn’t had contact with with them for nine years I would think he has forfeited his parental rights
So basically he’s not seen the kids in a decade? He has NO SAY SO in if you move or not (unless it’s in a custody agreement, and I’m assuming it’s not). He can kick rocks.
I know in the state of Florida after no contact for 2 years he loses all parental rights, we moved to Florida from California. And now if he wants any say in his kids lives he’s got to fly his little ass out here to soflo and file his own paperwork. I suggest you get a legal opinion. You’ll be surprised how much more say you have over your own kids than he does!
Seek the advice of an attorney about. I couldn’t legally move more the 100-150 miles without court approval. Could have a bad outcome if you just do.
After nine yrs no move don’t ask .he don’t give a shit . why would you even let him know. the kids got same phone number now that he has alway had .hell no he didn’t care then and don’t care now .you are just asking him too cause trouble. But i don’t even see him saying no .heck he ant said nothing in nine yrs who care what he saids
If he himself currently doesn’t live in the same state as you I don’t think legally he has any say at all if you decide to move. If you both lived in the same state he could’ve deff have made it harder but not impossible for you to move out of state in those circumstances. But that’s not the case here. Also with him not involved with the children at all and you being remarried, even if he decided to make a big deal about you moving I’m sure a judge would laugh and close the case… Goodluck w everything
He dont live anywhere near you nor has had anything to do w them kids. I’d move. And tbh, wouldn’t even tell his ass.
I wouldn’t have even told him.
If he lives across the country he has no say. If he’s been a part of their life and lived near and has some form of visitation legally he has a say in it.
He already apparently forfeit his rights…
In my state they have family law lawyers that you can see for free Monday-Friday starting at like 8 in the morning at the circuit court. Look and see if you have something like that. They can’t give represent you but they can give you advice.
Why would you even ask him if he hasn’t had contact in 9 years that’s baffles me. Honestly if you don’t have custody papers saying you can’t move he has no say what you do with your kids
What does your divorce/custody paperwork say? If there’s nothing in there about him having to give you permission to move then you’re in the clear. Here if you reside in the same state then you usually have to give the other parent notice and they can say no. I’m not sure what the rules are on parents that live across the country or why it would even matter because it’s not like the overall visitation would change.
If it is not in your custody/ divorce papers that you have to ok a move by him you should be good. In this case I would move and let him know after the fact. Also most states have an abandonment law. If there is no contact initiated by him for 1 year you could go that route but it would involve court.
I moved from Jersey to Texas my x said no , but since we where moving cause my husband job court gave me the rights to move
Ny is 8 yrs no contact and he abandoned them. I’d just do it and not care what he says
He doesn’t live there and has no agreement he cannot say no.
If he hasnt had any contact with his kids for 9 years, why in the world would you make contact with him for any reason, let alone to ask for permission to move? He doesnt care what you do, he doesnt even acknowledge you exist.
Move and give him your new address after problem solved.
You don’t have to get his permission to do anything that you want to do,them are your kids Do what ever you want to
Why would you reach out to him?
He doesn’t contact his children
From what I’ve read he doesn’t care where they live.
Each state is different but u do have to provide legal notice of move if he objects which is may not be likely u can go to court and judge will see ur side
I don’t ser what the point of telling him is if he had been MIA for 9 years… thats like me contacting my ex husband who has been completely gone and absent for 7 years (daughter is 10) and randomly letting him know we moved. We just recently moved to California (was in VA) and i wouldn’t dream of telling him crappppppp
Who cares you don’t need his permission especially if he hasnt seen the kids in years I don’t foresee him caring now
Why would you even feel the need to tell your ex your moving. If he has had zero contact with the kids then it’s not really his business
If he hasn’t contacted you for nine years but I would of got him for abandonment of the kids. I had to go through court with my kids and their dad and they told me that if he doesn’t contact me for a year thats abandonment and if hes across the country I doubt he would show up too. Should look into it so he can’t have a say.
Go get his rights terminated, 9 years is PLENTY of time to prove abandonment
If he hasn’t had contact with them for that long then he has no say so. If he tries to tell you no then get a lawyer and take him to court for abandonment.