So, the day has come… we just found out our two teens snuck out last night (13/15) to my stepson’s girlfriend’s house. I told my daughter (13) that we know, and I didn’t want to have a knee jerk reaction, but that there would be consequences… I just didn’t know what yet. I remember being a teen too, and I made my fair share of mistakes… but I need this to be a learning experience that she will remember. Not only that… but she is my mini-me… my little BFF… I’ve never really had to punish her before, so I’m at a loss for what kind of punishment there should be.
There will, for sure, be some chores today. Am I thinking no friends over/her going anywhere for the rest of the month of September? Idk… help a mom out.
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Ask them to choose their punishment… they are harder on themselves than we could be!
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Regardless of the punishment you decide I would also talk about how if something happened you would have no idea where you kid was. Explaining the dangers that come with it is what stopped me from sneaking out instead of getting grounded
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When I was a teenager and I stunk mom took everything out of or room but the bed and
I would explain all the awful things that could have happened. I would ground with no leaving/friends, no phone/computer(unless supervised for school) and possibly no tv. Extra chores everyday. If she gets an attitude add more. Make sure she knows it’s not ok.i would also make them write you and their dad an apology note.i would say 2-3weeks.
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Just remember… the harder you are the sneakier they get!
I had a heart to heart… I let her know about the bad in this world and if I dont know where she is… i dont know where to start looking for her.
Shes pretty forward w me now… I mean im sure she lies about things… but she tells me alot also
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No social media or phones for a week
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Explain to them how it can be dangerous.
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You need to be the parent and not the friend. I lied to my parents years ago about where I was and on the way home I totaled my car. Things happen and they had no idea where I was.
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Show her the dangers, human trafficking is real!
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I got grounded from electricity and had my door taken off. I was 14 or 15 at the time. I never snuck out again and 20+ years later I still tell the story lol
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No pocket money.
Tell them how disturbing it is that you had no idea where they were if something bad happened.
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Have them write a report about how many children go missing they could have easily been kidnapped running around at night especially if you have no clue they are gone
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Take away all devices and make them write a 5 page had written essays
I’m going to say a total different thing. Tell them instead of sneaking out, let them tell you where they’re going, only of it’s a trusted place, and that if they need a ride there and or home to call you. It’s takes trust to another level. That’s what I had and I never snuck out. I had no beed
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My mum grounded me for a month that worked I went to school then home I couldn’t even see my boyfriend
Be a parent and not their friend. Your job is to teach them, not coddle them. Find out why they snuck out? Is it cause they wanted to hangout more? When I snuck out, I wasnt even allowed to stay home by myself. I had to go everywhere with my dad and if I couldn’t go, he brought me to a relatives house. Plus no electronics. I only did it once and I had to earn back my trust.
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No phone, take their door off, and an alarm system installed
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Alarms… and then show them what could happen. Not just your speech, but maybe a video or something, not too graphic, but kods need to realize we aren’t blowing smoke up their ass. This is a scary possibility that happened so someone else
I snuck out once when I was younger and my mom took my door 
Make a chore chart a long one. Like cleaning base boards and shit. When they are all done end the punishment. Could be two days, could be two months, leaves it up to them.
So my sons girlfriend snuck in
I called her mom at 330 am
She looked all the doors and windows so she had to ring the door bell to get in.
Her step dad let her in and the mom was in her bed and scared the shit out of her
Then we brought them for a drive one night to see all the drug addicts
He hasn’t happened again 
They lost their phones
Step dad is a contractor so they had two weeks of tough labour
Edit sorry for the autocorrect
Also as a mom of 5
23 22 15 14 and 10
Best advice parent outside the box they learn more.
So my parents were divorced and my dad was the “tougher” one we thought we couldn’t talk to, I snuck out once and never really did again. My sister on the other hand would always sneak out. My mom was the more “easier going” and when we wanted to do something we just asked because we felt comfortable talking with her and my stepdad about things. My sister never snuck out and my mom always knew where we were. My point is, kids rebel, not saying your daughter is but having a relationship with your parents like that helps a lot. I hope to have that with my kids one day
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Did they ask to go and you told them no? Or did they just not ask?? I think that detail makes a big difference… Along with the reason they went. Was it just a visit, was the girl home alone and scared, was she having some other issue? I would encourage them to be honest with you and make sure they know in the future to come talk to you first about what’s going on. They may be more apt to let you in. Teen years are rough, especially right now. I am by no means saying to coddle them, because they have to know they were wrong, but the circumstances make a difference.
She is ur daughter. Not ur bff.
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When I tried this I was grounded from everything for 2 weeks…I never did it again 
Explain the dangers,but I had to write”I will never lie or sneak out again” 1000 times on lined paper both sides in pen. Any mistake I had to start over. Never lied again, I have very neat handwriting and my arm still hurts 
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Also before you fully decide have a list in your head but while sitting them down to make the ruling ask them what they think is a fair consequence for their actions. They may surprise you with a fair/too much/or not enough. This will also make them accountable for their actions.
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Nail windows shut so they cannot get out… Place a noise alarm on all doors that sounds when opened. No tv. No electronics for 2 weeks.
I would ground them which means no fun activities inside or out.
They go to school. Come home do hone work immediately (which should be done anyway) then they sit on couch and watch the news until dinner. They eat. Then continue to sit on couch until bed time. Repeat next day
If you think it’s too harsh… Bust that ass (what should have already been done)
I had my door taken away 
No electronics, no friends over or contact with any of them for two weeks, straight to school and straight home. No going grocery shopping with you or anything. Dishes and all chores during the two weeks she’s grounded
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She shouldn’t be going out anyway we’re in the midst of a pandemic. I’d be expecting a well written essay on kidnap and trafficking victims. On child loss PTSD. On how communicative relationships are healthier than non communicative relationships. Like 3 separate essays. Sources cited. Hand written. With drafts.
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Take her phone away and no hanging out for a week.
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Your first problem came when you said shes your mini me and your BFF. Shes your daughter, not your friend.
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I want to just say I agree with Claire Spencer. When I was a teen my mom always wanted to know where I was. One day I was at my cousins house (she knew) I left to go to the store and ended up in a very bad serious wreck. My mom didn’t know when my uncle called my dad. After that I always told her where i was and if I even left for anything I let her know. Something bad could have happened and y’all wouldn’t have known. She needs to understand that. My punishment was obvious healing from the wreck and then I was grounded for like two months
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House arrest for two weeks, expect for school… with no social media or phone. Emergency calls only.
No phone for 2 weeks, harder chores for a couple weeks
What did your mom do?
My friends mom took her door off of her room and put a board across her windows.
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Be her mom not her friend. That’s where you’re going wrong. She has friends. Ske needs a mother.
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Take away what she enjoys the most…phone, outings, computer, books ? But also be sure to have them write out a paragraph of why they are in trouble and what they could have done instead. And also be sure to explain why it is so bad for teens to sneak out and consequences of something happening and you are not even aware they are missing. I think 
My moms favorite form of punishment was forcing us to read.
I remember once I snuck out and my mom caught me. Grounded me for 2 months. No tv, phone, internet, etc. I could read and that was it. It suuuuucked, but man I can translate Latin now sure educated me!
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I’d tell her how I feel and its her1 and only time ur letting her off
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There’s nothing wrong with being your child’s friend. She obviously is parenting her children. They are just being normal teenagers. Phones taken, grounded till October, no friends and take away what they enjoy the most. Growing up I loved being outside and when I got grounded I would be grounded to the inside of the house for weeks. It was a lesson that I only needed for a short period of time.
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I’m taking phones, computers (except during school hours), tv and all. Then, I would make them watch ID so they can see what crazy things happen out here. I made mine watch web of lives. She didnt do it again.
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Don’t blow it out of proportion but invite her in to help decide her punishment. She just got caught doing what many of us didn’t get caught doing. Thank God she’s okay, assign her punishment and move on to the next issue -this is just the beginning
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Just my thinking but punishment to me is almost like revenge, tut for tat,why not some sort of community service through a women’s shelter, soup line , orphanage something that will help her appreciate what she has.
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I was fourteen when I started sneaking out. I even took my mom’s truck a few times joyriding got pulled over the last time and the cop brought me home and I had to go wake up my mom…I will never forget that look on her face when I told her there was a cop in the kitchen that she needed to go talk to. Smh…never took the truck again and when I was caught sneaking out the window she screwed them down to where they couldn’t open, but that didn’t stop me I just went out the back door instead. And I was punished from everything everytime I was caught which was only like three times, but I didn’t get caught for alot of the crap I did. If she really wants to sneak out she will find a way regardless. I’m 32 now and I laugh and also feel really bad for putting her through those things and I have apologized several times for the way I behaved as a teenager, but at that age I didn’t give a shit and did what I wanted…
I’d have a real word conversation on the dangers of it, explain that teens and women are being trafficked and traded… how with adult choices comes adult consequences how girls have ended their own lives because of ppl who took advantage of girls when they were vulnerable… I think hearing the truth about how shitty the world.can be would be heavy enough as a punishment (depending on how she reacts/responds of course)
Take phones away. Two weeks. Community service.
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My SIL literally grounded my niece (13) for at least 4 months!! She snuck out her window…down the roof…across the fence. And went and met up with friends at a park. She was without a phone or social media the entire time and only allowed to go places with her mom and dad. (Which she hates most the time) lol at first I thought she was being hard on her but in the end, we all know she won’t be sneakin out again any time soon. And hey, mom and daughter got a hell of a lot quality time. But also, I would say it depends on the kid. She’s a good kid and her 1 and only major mistake. But it’s so dangerous these days (nothing like when we were kids) I think it’s a must to take these actions severely serious.
Best there asses far less of what could of happened then they will realize
Show and talk to her about trafficking. Now!!! Make it real. Show faces and cases. Take her to the police station ask to have one of the women talk to her. It will get real.
Wow well step one don’t over react if you haven’t already done that. I would way rather than have my kids leaving a note telling me where they snuck off to in case something happens then having them hide it
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Take all electronics away until further notice
I was grounded one time as a teenager for lying saying I was going to a friends but I went to my boyfriends at the time. My dad and step mom found out and here was my punishment.
Along with no phone, computer or tv
I had to write a 10 page paper on lying. In pen. No cross outs or write overs. I had to have sources basically outlining the consequences on lying. When my paper was finished and up to their expectations I was no longer grounded. (They’re English teachers so it took some time)
I wasn’t able to leave my room unless to eat shower use the bathroom or go to school. Everything in my room was either unplugged or removed. If I was caught lying during, each time was an extra page.
I ended up doing 12 pages and I haven’t lied to them since. I was 16 I’m now 29 lol
That might not be the route you chose I just always suggest it to people because A) it worked and B ) it’s not your typical grounding where they know eventually they’ll get their phone back or be able to have friends over. And it leaves the length of time up to the child.
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Lol
My daughter and friend did this. I made them write sentances …1000 times.
“I will never ever ever sneak out if anyone’s house again”
I then made a shadow box for her senior year and a few pages were the back drop.
Can not go any where with anyone till sentances are done.
It may take her awhile. Makes them think about what they did. 
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Change the password for wifi, then can’t live without their cell. Don’t go easy next time they can turn up raped or pregnant.
Okay so your daughter went with your stepson to his girlfriend’s house. Have you asked the whys? I mean him sneaking out to her house is an obvious, but his little sister going with? I would talk to her and ask her some questions, get her thinking. I would ask her what she thinks consequences should be. My boys always had harsher consequences for themselves than I would. Also, whats happening to the other kiddo?
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Take her door off the hinges. Privacy is a privilege not a right. At least then you also know if they are in their rooms or not
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Each kid is different in my house. If this is a good kid who respects others and does the right this usually the discipline is different then a kid who is obviously going too far down the wrong road on a regular basis. I don’t subscribe to ‘let the punishment fit the crime’. In my house it was ‘let the punishment fit the kid’ and I explained everything about it along the way. It will do more good for them to understand the potential consequences and how I feel about the things that have happened.
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Take away her most prized possession and make her earn it back. Also add in the grounding
YouTube horrible real life stories that happened to teenagers that snuck out. Show her why that scares you and let her know how it would make you feel if something happened to her and you didn’t even know she was out of the house. Then let her know that building a good bond is a result of a bunch of small consecutive actions that build trust and lying once will instill doubt in you that will never go away because she was not consistent in telling the truth. Ask her how she would punish her daughter that she grew in her uterus and took care of and loved so much. Make her do what she suggested and then make her research 5 different kids that snuck out and had some awful situation happen. No papers or anything, she just needs to tell you about them and know that being sneaky could have a bad ending.
Bad consequences for sneaking out never made me change. They just built resentment. I know the only thing that ever got to me was honesty and emotion. I would level with her and let her know the truth. It’s not safe and she is breaking the bond you two have by being sneaky and lying.
She will have plenty of time for late nights out later.
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Why did they sneak out? Where did they go? I think that would depend a lot on the punishment. And the kind of kid they normally are. I have 2 teenagers and they have never snuck out. Good luck!
Maybe you’re asking the wrong person. My daughter ditched in 9th grade. I took her phone, pulled her from the school that day and she never spoke to or seen those people again! A year later and she still doesn’t have a phone and is still home schooled and doing great!
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So maybe I’m the odd one out here but I took her phone, internet (other than monitored time for schoolwork) and total social life (other than family) away for a month…which turned into 2 after she mouthed off for being mad about her initial punishment. I told her if it happened again it would be 6 months. That was 3 years ago and there has been no second offense.
I had also called her dad and the police in the middle of the night. Her dad and my husband searched for her. When she came home around 3am, the officer was there. We lived in a VERY sketchy part of town back then too so we were all freaking out. She’s lucky she survived and that she only got 2 months.
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I’m a B. You would have nothing but a mattress on the floor and two plain outfits with grits for bfast lunch n dinner. You would earn the items that I paid for back when you learn to earn my respect back. Trust that would be the last time they played me a fool. Lying is one thing…so many things could have happen by sneaking out late at night.
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My 16 year old did this…( now she is 31) but I am tougher than most. Lost the use of her car except for practice and school…lost her phone except when she was gone to the above. 6 weeks of manual labor. My decks got painted and flower garden never looked better…we had lots of quality time and she never pulled that shit again. Good Luck because it’s not easy…
I think you should just talk to them and tell them your worries about them sneaking out and next time just tell me and would pick you up whatever the time if you punish them they will Rebelle and do it again my mum punished me I would just keep doing do it and wouldn’t come home coz I felt like she would be angry at me and wouldn’t want to come home once my mum said just tell me and I will pick you up I felt safer to come home
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All I can say is whatever you decide as punishment, stick to it. I was the wild child of older parents. When I was 15, my boyfriend was 20. Thought it was cool. If my daughter would have done that, I would have lost it. I’m not perfect, but I told my children how wild I was. I’m lucky (blessed) nothing that I couldn’t get over happened.
Talk to them, they might be open to a discussion
Show her a movie called Megan Is Missing
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Why are you just wanting to punish her? He snuck out too, right? I think all of you (you, hubby, his mom) need to talk it over. They BOTH should be punished equally. If not she will resent you.
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I caught my daughter just by accident. I parked the car and followed her into the house where her friends were. She was screaming, “ it was my mother!” Over and over.
I sat down in the house and couldn’t stop laughing. Her friends went nuts. ( I knew all of her friends.)
That was 20 years ago. They still talk about it.
Lesson well learned without recriminations.
Take phones away for a month and extra chores for a month don’t be soft it only gets worse
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Ok hear me out… I know a lot of people are talking punishment. But when I delt with this, I said it hurt my feelings they had to be sneaky and to just ask. And then the next time they asked, I drove them there and gave them an hour or 2 and came back and got them.
They never snuck out again and just asked.
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You know all those tedious chores you have been putting off? Well nows the time for the teens to do it.
Takw the bedroom door out and talk about the dangerous of doing that
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My punishment was a simple “I’m disappointed in you” and that shit cut me deep. Nothing was taken away, no ass whooping, just the silent treatment and my pity party. I didn’t do it again because it hurt me. Knowing that was what it would have sounded like it something had happened to me was more than enough.
Consequences, yes 
%. After the punishment is over with make sure that they know you would probably give permission if they ASK first.
My oldest is my BFF too and I feel so bad after I yell at her or anything, I’m over here like please just cooperate with me everything is NOT a joke.
Well, this happened about 1984 or 85. Ourson sneaked out his bedroom window in the middle of the night. Oyr neighbor seen him and the kids he was with and called us. My husband just nailed the window shut and sat by the front door. When sin tried tp get back in through the window he couldn’t get it open so he went to the front door (unlocked) and came in the house and WHAM! Face to face with Dad! He was so scared and started apologizing but he got his bottom tanned and him nor his broyher ever tried that stunt again! Different time, small town(pop. 425), discipline was up to parents!
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I remember my momma just drilled my windows shut 
lesson learned.
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Definitely talk to them about your expectations. I wouldn’t ground them for the whole month, but definitely a week no friends, no wifi.
Yeah… i remember one time my mom caught me sneaking out. I was halfway out the window and she was on the other side. She whooped my a** (that was hanging out the window) until it was back inside the window after that i never snuck out again.
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Guilt trip! Ur disappointed in them… u had me so worried what if something happened sex trafficking is real …chores, no phones for 1 month
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I would sit them both down and ask them what they thought their punishment should be. I would give them an hour to comeback with an answer. They should also include in their answers why they did it. The oldest should be the one taking more responsibility and should have a harsher ‘punishment’ You always want them to be able to come to you when they have problems so don’t overreact try keep calm.
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Unfortunately in today’s society and the way children are being kidnapped, teens included, she has to be punishment, not only to teach her a lesson but for her safety. Bad things happen so quickly. I think your punishment idea is the right one. And also explain to her, which I’m sure you have, the dangers of what she did
As a teen myself your punishment is honestly fair and not wrong. Yes it does hurt but at the same time a lesson needs to be learned from it and just explain why and once the punishment is over I bet she won’t do it again. There’s too much going on in this world right now for her to just sneak out because a lot could happen and you would end up feeling guilty if you didn’t punish her and she ended up doing it again and something happened
Don’t focus on the punishment, focus on the lesson. That way she will get the message vs. focusing on being mad & revenge and wanting to do it again.
If you make a mistake at work, do you want your boss to explain what you did wrong and ask you to remedy the situation or lecture you, make you work late every day for a month and dock your pay? Which action would make you more likely to not make that mistake again?
Take her to the police department and get them to tell and show her what happens to some kids that never make it back home
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Ah the old sneaking out. First offence? Talk to them! Explain they only need to ask and organise themselves to make plans ahead so they arent catching you out at a bad time. Communication is the key not punishment this time round.
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Take her bedroom door off. And restrict her from her phone for a couple weeks. It’s complicated when you have bff relationships with your kid, they forget that you are not thier peer, and make discipline difficult.
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Take away the phone for two weeks. I know it’s harsh but we no longer live in a society where kids can sneak out. Monsters walk amongst us. Also its the time of Covid-19
I definitely don’t think no friends over for the rest of September shouldn’t be one as friends shouldn’t be coming over anyway with everything that is going on atm.
I took my daughter’s phone off her and said she couldn’t meet up with her friends. She didn’t talk to me properly for a few days but it is the only way for her to understand that I am not messing around and she has to learn.
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When we found out ours was sneaking out, we took his electronics for three weeks and bought a low cost security system with door and window sensors and put the alarm in our bedroom.
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No phone (she will borrow one from a friend)
Ground her (she can sneak out)
Corner time (she may just get moody and want to sneak outmore)
Write 100 lines in cursive I will not sneak out again. And chores not just dishes or sweeping dusting I’m talking pick up the dog poop from the yard wash the walls clean the floor with a wash rag or a hard work out wall sits pushups laps around the yard
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With one week out of electronics, they will be learn the lesson that is for sure and may they do some research about missing kids and what happens to them also may then to do something special for every electronic device that you give them back.
If they snuck out a window, plant really thorny thick bushes by all of them! 
that should help some
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Take the doors off their rooms
Take the phones
Ground for one month
Do chores to win back privileges
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no phone no music no friends bed time at 9 pm.wash dishes make her pick out 2 of them and make her stick by them or just bust her ass