Take phone away,door off hinges,no going over to friends,cameras by windows
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What ever you decide, Best Wishes! 
Zero phone…which includes no social media for next two weeks…
I would take them to a missing person national service to a homeless shelter to a morgue to show them what happens to kids that go missing it called reality check and this world is no place to pull this shit
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I grounded mine from everything for a month after I called the cops when I realized she snuck out. They picked her up in a parking lot in front of all her friends and brought her home. She was 15.
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No phone, No social media, for 2 weeks and they must stand on the corner for 2 hours every day for 2 weeks with a sign that says, "I’m grounded no phone or social media because I snuck out of the house.
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Remember yoi are the PARENT, not her friends. That’s why she has friends. …first, I’d ground her for at least a week (no going anywhere/no friends over) and def give her chores like dishes, vavcuming/dusting, or laundry. If she had a cell also take that away while grounded. (If she can’t go to her friends she shouldn’t be calling/texting them either!)
Mistake #1-your 13-yr old daughter should NOT be your BFF! You should have your friends and she has hers. You are her mother. You can be her BFF when she lives independently, making her own way. As a mom of three adult girls, and having had this happen once, take away her phone and take her with you everywhere you can, like grocery shopping, bank, etc. And, by the way, your mistakes as a teen have no bearing on whether or not you dole out appropriate consequences to your children.
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I would get what we called the velcro treatment. I had to be in my mothers eye sight at all time. If she went to the bathroom i had to stand at the door. If she went to hang out with her friends i had to go be silent. ( no cellphone) if they needed a chore done i was volentold. Only did it once 2 days in i wpuld do anything to be off the velcro treatment.
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Take away what’s most important to her…friends over, tablet, phone etc. Being a parent is hard at times but they need to understand you are the parent and the rules are in place for their safety and future success.
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Ask her what she thinks her punishment should be. Normally children actually are so afraid of disappointing they will punish themselves more. If she is your best friend (and she sees you as hers) then she trusts you and doesn’t want your feeling hurt or to disappoint you.
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Cell phone taken away when she is home. No get together with her friends. Make sure you tell her that you are disappointed that she is a follower and maybe she should have thought of the consequences when caught. Make son apologize to her for getting her involved. He only took her along so he wouldn’t get into trouble by himself. I also think the essay on the dangers with all the sex traffickers around. How awful you would feel if she disappeared. Find something on the topic on the web for her to watch.
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My 13 yr old took off last April to a town 40 minutes away. I grounded her from her friend she took off with for 1 yr. with chances earned to hang out with her.
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You can be a parent and a friend to your children but definitely needs some form of punishment. I would have a talk about the dangers. Young girls are being taken everyday and explain the horror stories of what those young girls are going thru on the sex market.
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Working with teenage girls for 25 years. Make the punishment fit the crime. Talk to her and tell her why what she did was wrong. Take all her clothes away except clothes she would be too embarrassed to wear outside and take away all of her electronics. For a week. If she tries it again add a week. Set your alarm and do bed checks with a flashlight shinning it in her face to be sure and wake her up. Let her know she broke trust so this will occur until she understands she can never do this again.
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kids should not be your friend. they are your responsibility. locked windows. alarms on their doors. nothing good happens when they sneak out. 15 year old boys visiting gfs. you’ll be a gma in no time. honest talking with them both.
and talk with the gfs parents.
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Maybe I read it wrong but I did not see her ask anyone if it was ok if her daughter and her were bff. Bff is different for everyone and it could be that they are just close. And yes there is such a thing as a mini me. Bit that is neither here or there. She asked for recommendations for consequences since evidently her daughter was normally very good. I have seen consequences y’all gave but do not agree with but I would never presume to judge you so I suggest y’all get off your high horse and stick to helping her with consequences.
My daughter’s are 41 and 36 and they will tell you I was their best friend growing up because they could talk to me without fear of being judged. They also knew every action had consequences good or bad. Each time a rule was broken they were sent to their room after we talked to think about what they did and why it was wrong and how it should be handled. We then talked again and determined the consequences. Sometimes though rarely we did not agree on that but my decision was final.
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I was grounded, lost phone and computer privilages. My mom called the other parents and made it clear what had happened and I was forced to end the relationship because “Someone is a bad influance on someone so you two dont need to be together anymore.”
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Does the step son not get in trouble? Both kids need punishment. You can’t be a friend to s child. I’m a friend to my daughters but they’re in their 40’s. I feel talk to the step dad n come up with something for them both…
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If they climb out a second story window onto a tree, cut the tree down, and tell them you’ll be checking on them throughout the night just like you did when they were little.
At any time you find them gone the police will be called and they’ll go to juvie for the remainder of the night
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How about stop being her BFF and be her Parent! She has friends her own age. My girls knew from the beginning I was their parent and not friend. How about install alarms on the windows, and let them see you do it so they know you mean business. Door alarms too. Big time lock down. If they ask why, tell them better to have lock down at home than in prison. Nothing good can come to a teen after midnight. May seem a little tough treatment, but it’s better than just a slap on the wrist and grounding them in their room with all the video games, cell phone, computer etc. Heck strip their room to just a mattress and a sheet while you’re at it. Give them a whole experience. Good luck.
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Ok first off I dont understand why people bash for her saying she bff with her daughter. You can be a parent and still be that too. I am with my mom and trust me mom got me good if I was outta line but also the one I can go to for anything. And I’m the same way with my daughter.
Sec. As for the punishment I would cool off. Mom/child timeout and have her write what she did and why it was unsafe along with what she thinks she should get as punishment. Then sit and talk it over with her. what ever punishment you give make sure you stick with it. This is what I was raised with and now doing with my own. It makes them think about what they did wrong and why you upset.
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I had a friend who took her sons bedroom door off so he’d have no privacy and they could see what he was up to. Wish I’d thought of that with my kids (2 out of 3 were sneaker outers).
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Number one you have to decide whether you want to be a parent and teach your children or do you rather be her BFF and end up with a child that didn’t learn about consequences. I raised two boys and a daughter, so I’ve been through it.
Had a few of these issues with mine as they were growing up. ‘Grounding’ really only punishes the parents–a sulking teen is really no fun!! Sure they have ‘possessions’ that the believe they can’t live without!! A month or more of no phone or computer should help to make them at least think twice about it!!
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That’s why they snuck out, you’re being their “friend” and not a parent.
Friend status comes after they are an adult and are financially/physically on their own.
Grounding with NO freedom of their own for a couple weeks doing volunteer work at shelters or assisted living should be included. Go along yourself.
Kids nowadays need to know that actions have consequences. Them sneaking out could’ve ended badly. Abductions are high, crime is high and just not safe to be out and about without you knowing where they are. Safety is key.
Maybe some work in a shelter will wake them up to the dangers out there.
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If I can speak from my experience (children of 27, 25 and 22) let me just say that there is NEVER A GOOD TIME to be your kid’s “BFF.” Stop it. I mean STOP IT. Your kid, as just about everyone else’s kid would do, is already taking advantage of your softness. You can be friends when she’s about 23.
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Ask her what she thinks would be an appropriate punishment. Makes her have to think about what she did and then have her write it down on paper so it can’t just be a knee jerk response. I’m not gonna say you have to use it but you might be surprised at what she comes up with, also leads to a conversation
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Hard labor housework running errands cleaning up master bath is 1st . Take cell phone away this has to be stopped. If she is not going to be working with you to move on from there . More time is needed.
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My child would be aloud to go to school and that’s it. No nothing of enjoyment. Tv gone, phone gone, friends gone, any outside activities gone. School work would be done. My child would hate it. Your child needs a parent and not a friend. That is you job. Teach them consequences for their actions.
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My mom once told me it was easier to keep trust then to gain it back. Always remembered that
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She ain’t your mini me…no such thing !! She needs a parent not a bff…Grounded 30 days, no phone, computer, tablet ,television. No friends, bo nothing !! Insane amount of chores, mowing, raking sweating, toliet scrubbing, dishes and laundry. Wake up and wise up Mom.
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If they already sneak out, obviously grounding is not going to stop them. Take away something important.
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Have her clean all the baseboards in your house. That Could be one of her chores. Plus it would help you.
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Ok well your not her BFF your her parent, I’d say no electronics or wifi, change the wifi password and they do a certain amount of chores they can earn it back
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I’m sure your daughter has enough friends you need to be her parent! At that age it’s very dangerous for both to be out !! I would say one punishment, not taking away everything! Let it be known that they have to earn your trust!!
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The one thing I did was take the cell phone away. I know how important it is during school hours and extra activities. But once they are home it is gone until morning when going to school. This was so traumatic for a teenage girl.
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I once read, “If you continue to defend your child’s wrong behavior…one day you’ll pay an attorney to do the same.” Punishing our kids is so hard and I cry every time I have to. I was young once and I made the same mistakes any teen does. But I want my kids to look at me and my mistakes as a warning, not example.
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I think extra chores and open dialect is a good option if first offense. A lot of the time it happens because they’re rebelling. Let them know that there’s reasons they shouldn’t be out at that time mostly due to safety. And also explain that breaking your trust will serve no purpose because now you can’t trust them to do what they say.
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I made my stepson write definitions (words pertaining to the action and possible consequences (lue, sneak, death, caught, ect) or essays of no less than 3 pages depending on the action. Once we even did a book report I said 3 pages he gave me 6 ( on harry potter and the goblet of fire). I would then correct them and have him rewrite it correctly. Depending on how long he procrastinated depended on how long he was grounded. Because of this he writes beautifully and doesnt procrastinate anymore!
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She’s your little BFF? You’ve never punished her before?? Wow… be a parent, not their friend! No social activities for at least 3 months.
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This is the time to be harsh. I know it’s a first offense but it’s a major offense. If the punishment is tough hopefully it’ll be the last time you have to do it. No phones, no friends, whatever else you think is appropriate. Good luck mama
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Take her bedroom door off. No privacy is a big loss. Have to dress in the bathroom and can’t make plans to sneak out.
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Whatever you decide make it appropriate for what she did and discuss what the punishment will be before so she understands. I had a friend who spoke with her teens and kids when they did something wrong and told them of why zhe was upset and what could have happened because they broke some rules or misbehaved and then sent them to their room to think sbout what they did and to think of what punishment they thought they should get. She then discussed the actions and possible punishment after the evining meal and took the childs suggestions as a possible punishment. She said that their suggestions were either too lenient or too harsh, but they were discussed and she told them why she wouldn’t do what they suggested. All 5 of her sons are good men now.
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I think for this she needs to experience loosing something or someone important to her…so she can learn how it feels to not know where they are.
Yes. With all the creeps running around out there she risked being kidnapped by sex traffickers and never being seen again. Punishment is necessary. Otherwise this will happen again. No phones no friends over and chores !!!
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No electronics, including cellphone, home other than school, chores. There has to be consequences.
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I told my son if he didn’t stop bullying his siblings gs, disrespect and manipulative behavior, I would smash his phone. He didnt think i would. Because I said it I did it. I love my son. But I am not his friend I am his mom and when I say I am going to do something I do it. I have locked kids out of the house, taken doors off hinges, and fed them just broth for a whole day because they faked being sick and skipped school. Be creative. There has to be a consequence to the child or the behavior will continue and get worse. my kids still come to me about anything.
Each child is unique. Some need more stern discipline and some not so much. You have to give discipline to make it clear the behavior is not acceptable. One child will fill remorseful right away while another might see how far they can push you. This is a decision you alone can make because you know your child best. Pray God gives you wisdom.
Cell phone and grounded big time. There head to be consequences for actions. They are not adults. A lot could have happened due to their poor judgement. Kids push the limits constantly. When there are no limits, poor judgement and rash behavior lead to horrible things happening.
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I raised three daughters … all had often heard “children who can’t be trusted have to be watched”. Which meant they would have to stay right with me whatever I was doing - no more being out of my sight until they proved they could be trusted. It was effective. If she can’t be trusted, then she will have to be your constant shadow - and no closing the door to her room, no privacy until it is earned. I would not use chores as punishment. Everyone in a family has to pitch in with chores, just as a daily fact of living.
I dont normally comment on this type of thing but I am now for the sole purpose of reminding everyone that BOYS ALSO GET ABDUCTED FOR SEX TRAFFICING. Both children were wrong and put themselves at risk. In my opinion, both kids should be punished and the girlfriends parents notified of the events that took place (maybe the girls parents thought they had permission.) I don’t believe you should bash fellow parents or tell them how to raise their kids though ( so long as there’s no evidence of abuse). None of us are perfect…
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You are a lucky parent. Some kids get shot sneaking into a friends house. Parents hear a noise and see shadows in the dark and next thing you know you children are dead. You need to explain the dangers of sneaking around…i know they don’t think it can happen to them but losing trust does have to be dealt with. Sit them down and ask them what they think their punishment should be…dont use anything they suggested…because they will give you the least hurtful to them…yes come up with a life lesson learned punishment…it can always be changed as time being served…you will tell when they are truly sorry.
Remember times are alot different today from when you did it. Let her know what kids of things can happen. Make her watch some Law and Order shows. That should make her listen.
Do not be a “well I did it when I was her age so I can’t punish her for it” agree no cell phone and the velcro treatment what is their favorite thing to do what would make the greatest impact on them
My daughter is 19 and in college and she’s also my BFF but when she does something that I don’t agree with even now that she’s and adult guess what she still gets grounded and she still gets punished you know why because she still lives under our roof when she’s not at college and if she wants to get ahead in life with some sense of direction these are things you have to do as a parent if you love your child whether they are teenagers or grown children
And mom some suggestions
Take her phone away laptop tv privilege make her do all kinds of chores trust me I have done this with mine and guess what she knows how to do everything in a house even cooks it will also teach her how to survive on her own if she has to
Omg…my daughter is 13 and she is definitely my bff!!! She has never snuck out! She’s actually a very good kid and I actually love and like my kids…she has friends and so do I…that’s not what she meant! We don’t hang out like my girlfriends…but she is my best friend in this entire world, she is my entire world…I love her like no other!! She talks to me about everything…I talk to her about the appropriate stuff…she trusts me, she respects me and she knows that no matter what…Mom will always be here! I would probably take her phone, ground her and we would talk about it a lot! The dangers of it, my thoughts and feelings and hers…she would definitely learn a big lesson.
I’d like to say I parent my 13 yr old daughter, but when we’re out having fun I’ll call her my little bff. She does know betraying my trust will come with consequences.
I made a list of the things she would need to be a grown up. 1 a place to live, 2 job to pay for place to live. 3. Transportation. I told her she had a month to make up her mind stay a kid and follow the rules or move out. I even took her to look for apartments and jobs. It didn’t take her long to figure out she wanted to stay a kid.
The only time I got into trouble as a teenage was when I was with my brother (two years older than me). It sounds like your 13-year-old is a pretty good child. I would not be too hard on her. Talk it over. Explain why it is dangerous for teens to be out on their own and why you fear for her safety (without being too graphic). Ask her what she thinks would be a fair punishment. If you agree with her input, there you are.
Parents should be parents, NOT A BFF! Ground them, take away phones, take the plate off their car! It will hurt you more then them, but stand your ground!
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Remind her that kids of all ages are taken and never seen again tell her to ask and you willsee if it is ok with the other parent and take her and pick her up this is not a trusting world
Loose all electronics. Earn ear one back individually with good behavior and extra chores. Takes as long as your take. Could be days or weeks. My daughter snuck out the house. I spanked her butt and grounded her for a month. She was 16 and deserved it. Shes a grandma now and never been in trouble with the law. A career healthcare employee and good person now. Sassy mouthed lil punk back then. Had to slap some sense into her head by way of her hiney.
What made her do it? Both are being punished? Not my kids friends, i am their parent. Makes punishment not so hard to do.
I’d ground for a week. If you’re too tough on this one what will you do if it’s repeated or something worse? During the grounding have extra chores assigned but also more time set aside to discuss it. Good luck.
We have ring, so we know if child goes out. U can always put tracker on phone. Then they can’t lie about where they r or have been. I don’t know any teenager who goes out w/o phone. However, they have to learn to make choices, some will be good and some not. grounding them to stay home in a pandemic is not really a punishment. I think we all feel like sneaking out!!! As long as they aren’t getting into criminal trouble, 9 out of 10 times they will grow up to be just fine. I know I did, and I did a lot worse!!! Lol
I’d take away electronics & cell phone for a week, cell phone for another week after that & no friends over or going anywhere with friends for those 2 weeks. There would also be extra chores as well as an explanation about how loss of trust is something that once it’s gone is very hard to get back. IMO it’s the time to be harsh so she learns.
There have been lots of comments dealing with consequences. I feel a consequence is deserving as long as it is tagged on with “giving something back”. She took away your trust so she needs to begin to earn it back by giving something back of her own free time. Like volunteering at a food bank, distributing meals on wheels for a week, free babysitting to a neighbor with very young kids, or helping a younger child with online learning… something like that. I know it will be a challenge finding something because of Covid and keeping your child safe but I always felt my consequences in addition to giving back had more impact on my three sons.
I took away what was most important to mine. My daughter lost her curling iron, make up and favorite clothes, they were in the trunk of my car for a week. 
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Man I see some major punishment advice here. I guess I was a very lax mom. My kids rarely got punishments as it would just make them want to go against you even more. I always told my kids even in their early teens. Let me know where your going and when you would be home, communication is key. My kids also didn’t go to parties as if they wanted to drink they could get friends and hang out at my house with other parents approval. I guess I was friends and a parent with my kids and still to this day my kids and I are very close. I have told my kids telling the truth and never lie to me is the best and to this day they tell me everything. Punishment makes things worse in my opinion.
My daughter was punished once for something she did, not only did she loose her phone privileges except school, my husband took her door. Yes she had no privacy what so ever! She’s 21 now and she has never forgotten that punishment
I was grounded from my best friend for a month, no talking to her, no seeing her, nothing at all! It was the worst punishment!!
Honestly, good on you for not having a knee jerk reaction. I’d say definitely have a discussion with her one on one why it’s not safe and other things. Don’t say you’re disappointed in HER but disappointment in her CHOSES. With your husband sit down with the both of them. Talk to them about trust and how easily it can be broken, then let them talk w/o interruption, then respond. I’d say after that take away electronics, transportation, and freedom to leave the house without you or their dad for a week. Then make a system where they can do chores outside of what is already expected of them to earn their devices, transportation, and freedom to go out back. I would also make a point to tell them that since this is their first offense and everyone makes mistakes they have the opportunity to earn y’alls trust back. BUT if they do something like that again you can’t guarantee they will be able to gain it back so easily.
And maybe consider cutting off contact with the person they went out to see. I’ve done this in the past amongst other things when my child was being in influenced by friends to engage in unsafe and risky behaviors/activities.
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Like a lot of parents have said you cant be your childs bff, you are their parent. As far as punishment go old school, take away all their electronics, bikes, scooters ect. List of chores, community service. The younger one im sure did it because of their older sibling, there time should lesser than the other. But i would also want to have a conversation with that child parents and see what they have to say, regarding what happened.
With all the abduction going on these days also tell the just how dangerous it is to be out and about without supervision!!
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i’m not a parent but i am a 20 y/o who’s made a couple of mistakes in her teenage years. grounding sounds like a good idea but since you’ve been so close with her your kid will either not take it seriously and do as she pleases or the grounding may result in more issues with sneaking out. i do believe grounding is a good idea, there’s also nothing wrong with being close with your kid but there’s always a time you have to learn to put your foot down and lay down some rules. not to belittle your parenting but at that age you have to lay your foot down. you can’t be friends with your kid until they’re older bc they’ll end up doing stuff like that. i’d have a talk to resolve the issue tell her if it is to happen again there will be far worse consequences and ground her for how ever long you see fit.
Explain the dangers that could have befallen them and how many hours would have passed before you knew they were missing. Then talk to them about the trust they have broken; it’s always harder to get that trust back once broken. I would take away their cell phone and email rights on their computers. Tell them if they violate this punishment by using a friends cell phone, etc. the the result would be triple the time originally issued.
I’m not my daughters bff. Never could be. We do have an understanding that whatever she needs to talk about I will listen and give advice. Not only as a parent but as an outsider. I say community service would be good punishment. None of my kids ever snuck out. They know I don’t look good in orange. But I would wear it with no shame.
I would also add grounded at least for 1 or 2 weekends except for school and church
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What is her favorite thing to do? Take it away from her. Definitely no phone no computer (except for school) put alarms on the doors and windows. They make them small enough so that if you put them up when they are not home they won’t know until they try to sneak out again.
You had two children leaving the house not just one. They both need punished. Contact the son’s girlfriends parents and let them know as they should know about this. The daughter needs a good talking to and no electronics for a week. The son,now he needs even more. One,he left,two he took his sister. Need to find out who was there with them. Could his sister have been in danger from another male teen there? Were they drinking,drugs. Yes. I’m going there!!! They get those things at that age!!! Her brother could be off with his gf leaving the 13yo by herself. We don’t know.
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Take cell phones and electronic equipment away, so they cannot communicate with friends while on punishment.
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No phone, no WiFi, extra chores and a paper written explaining what could have gone wrong with their plans. They need to think!
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When I snuck out, there was a lot of yelling. Music, TV and phone time suspended indefinitely (it ended when report cards came out) and I had to sit alone in the dining room studying while everyone else in my family watched TV in the nearby living room for four weeks straight: That was Being Grounded. I didn’t get the sanctuary of my room. It was absolutely awful. I learned.
You can be friendly with your kids but you are not their friend. You’re a parent so act like it.
My moms been my “BFF” since I was 10. I’ve never gotten in any trouble and I’m about to graduate college. Kinda weird all these people like to mom shame when raising kids isn’t linear 
We had a foster child who once was mad at me about something as she was packing up to leave she said I hate your mom and her rules. My daughter replied I am tbe only one that can hate my mother no one else is allowed too.
What is money to her? The answer is what you take away.I would Also put trust in there. Do you trust her now? Also want to know if sexually active, time for a talk. I started with tell me what you think is true? Cause there is a lot of miss information out there.
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we all make mistakes , but she needs 2 learn , and also not break the trust btween momma and daughter , take phone , computer , tv , and friends away 4 a month c how that works , good luck
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What about the 15 year old? Why are you not concerned with his punishment. And did you really say that your daughter is your BFF? Be a parent and not a friend to your children. Both need to be grounded and taught to respect your rules. They would both be watched constantly until they respected my boundaries and learned that their behaviors have consequences! My shadow when not in school for sure!
My kiddos did this too… i kept the punishment minimal … when they ask for something over the next few months … i just say … remember when you Snuck out … do you think you are deserving ??? I don’t!!!
My son went out with friends after we role him no wouldn’t answer his phone we had. No idea where he was we for into bus Facebook contacted as many friends da as we could he ended up at a party taking care of drunks and w see up walking miles to get a signal and he was super sorry and we did ground him but what he went rheiufh was worse than anything we could have done and he learned from
It. Biggest thing is that she knows rhar you still love her even rhoudh she messes up
I stopped reading these since most focused on your daughter. What is the stepsons role in all this? What is his punishment? What is your husbands opinion? There are so many factors that come into play. You should show a united front towards both kids and the punishment should almost match. Trust is gone and now they need to rebuild it. Sometimes taking things away and/or increasing chores is not the answer. If she is normally a good kid ask her why she felt it was ok to sneak out? Since she snuck out she knew she was wrong but decided it was worth the risk and got caught. You didnt say much about your stepson… It’s ok to be BFF with your kids but remember your the parent and it’s your job to teach right from wrong and to show there are consequences to everything. And yes good things can be a consequence.
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Your child is NOT your BFF! PERIOD! Beat that ass, take everything out of her room, including her door, leave only her bed and blanket. No electronics, period, no going anywhere. Really? You’re just thinking chores and no friends over for a month? What is that? Be a parent!
Explain to them the dangers. Kids never think bad things will happen to them. They are naive at this age. This is a different time and people are abducting kids in their own homes. I cant tell another mom how to punish her child. I pray all are safe and learned a lesson. It’s scary out here for our kids?
Research some cases where the teen never returned, chores and such are great, but scare them. There could be real consequences
This is a red flag imo and should be handled swiftly and firmly. My kids have endured serious consequences for less serious behaviors. I hope to be their friends someday… but that is not now. They are 15 and 13.
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Take away something they like, like their cell phone, or house phone they can’t contact friends, video games or from going out to hang with friends. That’s what my mom always did for punishment. i was a phone nut or a t.v. nut so i lost those for anything that i did wrong and it killed me but i learned hope this helps.
Wow. Mom and bff. Says it all. You need to be Mom. She has many friends but just 1 mother. Suck it up and be hated for a day or 2… if not…prepare to be grandma to your best friends child