Get a dog
I could leave the house, but i couldn’t get back in without the dog barking.
2 things. Remove bedroom doors and remove electronics.
Temporarily of course but they dont have to know that. Tell them that they cant be trusted to act responsibly they cant have privacy because you need to have eyes on them all the time because they might sneak out again. Tell them they cant have phones because you dont know if they are talking to friends planning on sneaking out again.
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My friend took away the thing her son loved most sports he could not practice or attend the team party that week
I would first let them know it’s time to take responsibility for their actions and show a level of maturity by accepting there punishment. Next they wound be grounded from there friends for 2 weeks at least from there friends. Two rules for mom follow thru with all punishments! Make no punishment that is too had for you to carry out! Remeber they may not like you for a while but it was there choice to dis obey. 2 make sure you let them know why they are being punished and what behavior you expect to have from them in tbe future
I believe maybe having them watch (with you) a recent documentary on Trafficking of young people, might stick with them a bit longer than extra chores!
Tough Love!! Lock all the doors and windows except the garage and put pillows and blankets in there. They still have a roof over their head!!! Or call the police.
Turn the tables on her. Ask her what a FAIR punishment would be if she had a daughter that snuck out and what COULD have happened to her.
Um first of all your a parent not a friend so throw that out the window #2 that punishment is light af #3 my recommendation would be take electronics and ground her
Do you have windows that need cleaning or silver needs polishing or a car washed once a week for a month. My kids hated washing windows.
Cameras, motion detectors on their windows and doors! No phones! Or computers at night. Both kids, same punishment. They lost your trust! It will have to be earned all over again and that will take a very, very long time!!
Oh God, some parents here are quick to judge, I’m pretty sure the mother doesn’t share intimate or personal information to her 13 years old just because they consider each other BFF, they just have a beautiful relationship, because it’s hard to see a teenager respecting their parents, and it seems like the teen has never done something like this before, and respect and do as her mother asks, and maybe that’s why the mother doesn’t know what type of punishment she should implement since her daughter is a well behaved teen and respectful. And I’m glad you have that great relationship with your daughter. That doesn’t make her a bad parent!!! Those attacking her that she shouldn’t be her friend, I’m pretty sure your kids do more behind your back than what her teenager did. But back to the punishment, I would take all her electronics away, tv, cellphones, laptop, no friends over, etc.
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I never had kids sneak out but my 6 kids did get punished when needed
That’s a good one, Vanessa. Were you punished by constant whining and eye-rolling, or did she go along with it? My daughter would have driven me nuts!
I remember being a teen. I remember needing guidance and positive reinforcements. I was missing something in myself and searching for it outwards! Anyways I don’t know your teen so I can’t say because everyone is different but you could monitor her more like 24/7 like a baby that she is (not to annoy) and get her on a better path.
The negative responses in the comments is unfortunately what this world has come to so easy to judge others because they don’t share the same values has you. I’m sorry for this mother who just asked for a fair punishment and got raked over the coals for wanting suggestions all because she calls her daughter her bff, how about we stop being so judgemental of others what works for you may not work for someone else.
I constantly snuck out and was never grounded and I turned out just fine
I would definitely be putting a scare in her, have her watch a few videos o. Human Trafficking, the dangers of sneaking out, join a group to get informed
Nies the time to deal with the rebellion! If not your condoning it!. First your not her best friend# parents sho want to became foolish#
Disapline in the Bible means to change behavior!
Take away a prevledge! Like no hanging with friends for 3 days take cell away min 3 days# must be a way of getting them to think of the consequences of their choices!
Make them do extra chores at home and teach them the value of a dollar and that money doesn’t grow on trees. And if that doesn’t work take their privileges away from them including the phone
Let them keep their phones for a bit and take all chargers away! Mmm a slow painful death. But ya I would check with your carrier see if they have a program to control who they call and text, that way you can have safe people she can reach if an emergency did arise
My first reaction would be fear of what could have happened to her. At 13 you don’t understand the danger and that would be why I would want her to remember the consequences of her actions. Ask her what her punishment should be and then decide if what she says is severe enough. I would have to discuss the dangers in our world today. Of course the stepson also gets punished also. He should be her protector.
I was grounded for a month, no tv, no phone no anything… school and home to my room thats it. I soon learnt
You do what you think is right for you to do. I do agree that you should set both kids down and show them what could happen to both if sneaking out and someone snatches them for sex trafficking.
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Break out the drill and some long screws and screw the windows in her room shut. Put alarm on doors with speaker in your room. Quit being her friend and be her mom. You are a parent and and need to treat her like you are in that role. Teenagers will phase through hating you anyway despite you trying to be their friend. They don’t need another friend but they need a mom. Let the boys parents know and ban them from all contact for a couple of weeks- I mean all contact- no phone, no text and no in person. She’ll think you suck and she’s gonna die- that’s when you know you’ve got it right.
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I made mine scrub every floor board base board in our house with a toothbrush that was the only time they ever did that
What ever punishment you decide make sure to follow it through to the end of the punishment.
I would take my teens cell and wifi
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You had me at BFF. Are you friends or parent cause you can’t do the job trying to be both.
My suggestion is not to take away their phones or electronic devices.My suggestion is to take away the chargers and say as your phone slowly dies so has my trust that you won’t sneak outside against my wishes.You must earn these luxuries back.
The phone is the worst punishment ever
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Take everything that means everything to them. Better put your foot down quickly… it’ll just only get worse.
Make her watch police stories of kids who sneak out and never come back. Show her the world we live in now
No electronics if shes going to use them to go behind your back and do unsafe things.
I would put her mattress in your room. On the floor and make her sleep there. Beside you.
Kids need to learn boundaries and punishment for crossing them. If you dont do it, will jail time? No.
a tour of juvenile hall will stop that sneaking out
Agree. You should be tough. It gets worse if you don’t nip it in the bud. You are a parent. Saying no is a good thing.
She doesn’t need you to be her BFF; she needs you to be a parent! Explain to them how dangerous it is for them to be somewhere without your permission. I’ve had to call many parents when their kids were killed or critically hurt when they were out at an hour when only the cops, drunks and thieves are out. In addition, if your house caught on fire, firefighters would be placed at an unnecessary risk searching for them. You also need to tell them that if they are somewhere with your permission and something happens (such as they get drunk), they can ALWAYS call you for help.
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Do not nail windows shut. There could be a fire and they have to go out the window. Take phone and computer. And ground them for 2 weeks
What ever the punishment is you must stick to it
Try no phone no computer no friends no nothing. Your her mother 1st friend 2nd. You need to crack that whip. Quit babying her
There’s a scared straight program that you can have them do just talk to a sheriff about it
I used to ground my girls no access. No friends, no phones, no computer, no tv. You get books and paper that is all.
No fun outings and no phone privilege for however long you think is reasonable
I think all of what you’ve suggested is fine and no electronics.
Take their phones/tablets etc. away from them. First time 24 hours, 2nd time 2 days, 3rd time a week!
Unplugged. Nothing that uses batteries or wires. 2 weeks
John Wayne time… what ever punishment you choose… do not deviate or alter it.
It only takes one second for sex traffickers to grab her while shes out there alone …or even with a friend… and you’ll never see her again!! Its not the same as when you were a kid. Put a stern stop to it now because next time, when you weren’t upset this time, may be in hindsight a grave mistake. 
Take all her of her privileges away. Make sure you let her know how disappointed in her you are. Tell her you don’t know when she will get stuff back. Let her know until you can trust her again she doesn’t get that her things back. I told my kids don’t ask… when I’m ready you will know. Dont give all privileges back at once. Take phone, computer access except for school work. T. V. No friends over no going to friends houses. Make her earn it.
Two words…birth control. Make sure it’s the shot so she can’t forget to take a pill. 
Good luck.
You don’t need advice. You know what you need to do to make a statement!
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You are not her friend. You are the parent. Be one!
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It’s your job to be a parent, not her bff.
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You’re not her BFF, you’re her MOTHER…!
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Let them make a list of consequences and if you don’t think they are good enough add more to the list 
Take away Phones, laptops only for school purposes. Cut off all outside contact. No tv,
For the rest of September.
Sleep With Them, Because THEY can’t be Trusted.
Mom/Daughter, Dad/Son for the rest of September, TAKE SELFIES, Tell them the pics will go on Social media IF they do it again. 
If they want to “run” so bad, here is what they need to do: They need to “run” the lawn mower once a week, they need to load, “run” and unload the dishwasher, they need to “run” the washer and dryer once a week, they need to “run” the vacuum cleaner, they need to “run” hot water in a bucket and “run” the mop across the floor. Oh heck yes! If they want to "run, give them plenty of chores to “run”. Then they can “run” into the living room and sit down with you and listen to you as you explained to them how dangerous it can be to “run” and sneak out! Good luck!
Make her stand in the front yard with a big sign that says I can’t be trusted.
Sounds good. Keep lines of communication open.
Grounded and no phone for the rest of sept is good
Let them choose the punishment give them a few days tell them if they are too easy they’ll get yours too
Push ups, hooah. And write a paper, with their non-dominant hand.
Suck it up. You are her parent. Not her friend. You want that relationship, but you also want to keep them safe.
I put an alarm on the doors - all of them.- so I have to hear it every time they slip out. I have a 16-yo who lost phone, computer, everything. He’s not happy, but I told him I wasn’t either. Having to treat him and everyone else like a prisoner.
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Take the phones away and TV and make them sit with you all as a family!
I agree. The phone and chores for two weeks. Don’t get weak. Follow thru.
Sounds really good to me
Nail the window shut …maybe take door off their room…ground also
Be a parent, authority figure. She is too young to be your friend. That comes with age and maturity Take phone away for a month. Strict curfew
Change the locks and nail the windows shut😊
Take their doors off. Tell them they have to earn them back
I have told my kids if they sneak out their ass is mine. I have also told them if they feel the need to sneak out just tell me they are leaving and where they are going. I want them to make mistakes in high school so we can work them out together bc once they leave I can no longer help them. The punishment depends solely on you and how you feel. Have a conversation and let them
Know what they did was not ok and they will be punished for it but also give them the chance to come to you when they do mess up. Things are different now. How would you have wanted your parents to act/how did they act when they found out. You don’t need to be their BFF to still be understanding. Talk to them about what consequences can come from sneaking out in general. Kids are smart and understand more than most give them credit for. This also depends on the child. I have 5 kids 3 of which are at the age to make stupid choices. One of them I do not trust at all bc of what has been shown in the past, the other 2 know when they are ready for major choices like this they can come and talk to us so we can make sure they will at least be safe l.
She is 13…lock her up.
They keep the phone take the charger
Nail their windows shut
No phone for a week for first offense
I find nothing wrong with being a friend to your kiddos. Anyone can be a mother! Pop out a few babies, cook , clean, schedule appointments, check homework,etc… to be a friend means you have a relationship with your kids and that you take the time to know their hearts and thoughts and feelings. You help them name and process their twists and turns of life and gently push them back on the road should they veer off . I would hug and kiss them and tell them how relieved you are that they are home safe because some girls never make it home after sneaking out. The right answer to the question your asking is that there ISN’T A RIGHT ANSWER when it comes to teaching your child because it depends on your relationship. If your close with your kids, the knowledge that they disappointed you could be enough for them to learn their lesson. If I were the child of some of the ladies answering this question I can tell you right know all it would teach me is to be a better sneak next time! Try to talk to them. Find out why they didn’t just ask you to go. Are you to strict? Is the sons girlfriend the real problem and if so deal with HER! Whatever and however you decide to approach this is ok! There is not a magical discipline tactic that will teach them what you want them to learn which is basically to be honest with you so you trust them because you want them safe !!! Your doing fine, don’t listen to the people who tell you your doing it wrong. You got this!
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No phone. Remove all items from the cabinets and wash them out
500 words on what could’ve happened. How they could’ve been picked up by strangers. Sex trafficking, rapists, murderers etc. You need to be open/ honest that you’re not necessarily just angry with them you love them and don’t want them to get hurt which is why there is rules and you always tell someone where you’re going. And take the phone away if you haven’t already
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One time in my life my mother made me write a report/essay each week for a month. Give topics like the number of missing teens, dangers of sex trafficking, teen pregnancy, and so one.
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Am I the only one concerned with the fact that her stepson is not getting punishment as well as the fact that she’s more concerned with being her child’s BFF more than her parent? I have 2 of my own plus my niece and nephew that I am raising which gives me 4 teenagers and I am their parent first and foremost. They don’t always like me and that’s OK its my job to help them understand when they mess up. Taking electronics and going out/seeing friends/doing extras usually does the trick in my house ( except with my youngest who is usually independent to the whole mess but usually doesn’t do anything that requires punishment)
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Do not be the best friend / that’s for later when they’re grown. They need a momma. Grounding - take away electronics - 2 weeks since it’s a first offense.
I’m amazed at all these perfect parents demeaning this mother for saying her daughter is her BFF. You can be friends with your daughter and still be parental . I have 4 daughters who always hung out with mom as teenagers and now they are grown with children of their own and are still my bff’s !
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I dealt with a teen who tested boundaries at that age. She had to become my shadow for a month! If I was in the kitchen- she was too! If I went to the store - she did too. I apologized to her for not watching her close enough or being clear on my boundaries and reminded her that it was my failure that created her lack of understanding! I promised to make sure she learned that important lesson in life!
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Install a tracking app on her phone and computer. Don’t take it off until she learns her lesson. Also install the app where they have to answer the phone, when you call, or it becomes locked. Whatever else you do is up to you but I think these two things will bother her the most.
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I took away my daughters phone for a month. She was grounded for a month and she is still not allowed to have sleepovers or go to someone’s house for a sleepover. She can now hang out with friends just not overnight. Mine has done it twice. This time the consequences were more. Didn’t apparently learn the first time and got busted both times cause the police called me twice. First time it happened at friends house and 2nd at our house. Both of those friends she snuck out with, she is not friends with anymore. It’s just very dangerous in this day and time and so many things can go wrong and they just don’t think. She was 14 1st time and 15 second time.
And she knows if she gets in more trouble or sneaks out again her learners will be held back.
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I am a mother to 4 all born within 5 years( 2 girls and two boys)…so at one time we had four teens…yes they snuck out…we took away privileges and if there was any door slamming we took their bedroom door off the hinges and stored it in the attic for awhile.The girls especially hated the lack of privacy.
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Pro tip: my parents told me they used to put a piece of clear tape on top of our door so if we ever snuck out they would be able to tell if it was ripped🤣 honestly I never snuck out at a kid but when they told me this when I was older I thought it was pretty clever haha
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Need to make an impact or it will happen again. If she knows you will stand firm, it will actually help her in the long run! The best thing is to make her accountable for her actions. Bless you, Mom. Tough years but so important!
I think this really boils down to what your parenting style is and what kind of relationship you have/want to build with your kids. If you have relatively good, smart kids who you trust not to take advantage, maybe just have an honest conversation about their actions having consiquences. That if something happened to them while they were out you would have no idea. Maybe suggest an open door policy that as long as they are honest with you about what they are up to and where they are going, you can be lenient to the fact that they are teenagers who want to have some fun. On the other side, if you are worried, have kids you arent sure are making healthy decisions or just dont like the sneaking, it may be time to crack down more harshly with chores, “house arrest”, no visitors/electronics, etc. Really it’s up to you and what makes you comfortable. Good luck♡
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My daughter was late coming home from her very first time driving alone and I grounded her for 6 months from everything and never had another problem
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I was the good child I always called if I was late , my sister(6 years younger) was the crazy one sneaking out, coming home drunk at 13 my parents didn’t do a lot but on the hangover day made her crush my dads beer cans for recycling. One night they went out and didn’t tell her where or what time they would be (no cells yet) she came over to my house (married for 2 years) and was falling apart she was freaked and never snuck out again .
No phone or internet and a month of chores of your choice… if it happens multiple times then I would call pd and ask them to help play along… being her BFF never works you have to have a boundary between parent and friend certain situations you can be her BFF but not in this case
The phone goes on the charger and you will not be hanging out or talking to your stupid friends who told you to sneak out in the 1st place. I hope Mom has sat her down and schooled her on these Testosterone Led creatures called Boys and taught her about Birth Control. Mom may soon be the BFF GRANDMA!!!
Mistake number one was making her your “bff” when you should’ve been her parent all along. Just forget it. You’re fucked now!
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I agree, it’s way too early for daughter and mom to be BFFs. I would first talk to the girlfriend’s parents about this. They need to be aware of the situation as well, as to the fact that your children snuck out and possibly sneaking into their house on top of it. Taking away electronics (outside of what’s needed for school), more chores will only do so much. Have both children write a full apology to you and husband, along with the girlfriend’s parents for the situation. Let them explain what they did and why they did it, and include what they think is a fair punishment for breaking the trust of all the adults involved. Have them include what they are willing to do in order to earn the trust back of all the adults.
For the future plant a bunch of Rose bushes under the windows. And BOTH children need consequences. As for her being your BFF that should not happen til she’s an adult. Right now she needs a PARENT! Change the Wi-Fi password. And take electronics away for a period of time. Give extra chores. Etc
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My teens never snuck out but anyway take away phone all electronics they have to gain your trust give them more chores and to bed early
I would be grounded for 6 weeks no phone no friends no going anywhere that was in the late 70s