I have a daughter who will be three in 4 weeks. Her biological father and his wife and new child moved over 8 hours away the first week of October… We are now trying to figure out an acceptable new parenting plan… He wants her for the whole summer, every other Easter, every other Thanksgiving, and every other new years, and every other Christmas… I do NOT agree with this… That is just too much travel time for a child her age … Especially considering when she get in kindergarten they only get one day off for Easter and two for Thanksgiving… That’s just too much travel time, in my opinion… And the WHOLE summer! I’d never get to take her places myself… So what I’m asking, what is an acceptable parenting plan in everyone’s opinion for a three-year-old… When they live 9 hours away. Oh, and I forgot to mention he wants her every fall break as well.
A week out of the summer, then alternate holidays till she’s 4 then make it a month out of the summer. That’s standard I think.
He chose to move away, I agree he needs to see his child but he needs to be more realistic. Obviously Easter and thanksgiving are out of the question. How long is her Christmas break and maybe a few weeks in the summer?
Mmm I would veto all that mess. She’s too young to be going that far away. I say half the summer and alternate holidays.
He can have spring break or Christmas break, switch off yearly. A week or two in the summer. I’d do a week every month or something like that too for the time being as 3 then maybe do a weekend every other month or something like that when she is older
I’m not sure for 3, but all too soon she’ll be in school and you don’t want to have to go back to court to change it then so I would make it now for future as well, my kids are 5&6 their dad moved 6 hours away, we had to meet halfway every other weekend and we rotate a week on week off in summer and he gets one week of winter break since their is 2 weeks here, we rotate all holidays
In my area the courts give every other holiday and 21 un-interupted days over summer. And being 8 hrs away will still often give every other weekend, not always but it’s not unheard of either
Alternate holidays every year. 6wks in the summer.
Pretty demanding aint he
My bf gets his boys 6 weeks in the summer … Supposed to get them alternate holidays too…they live 12 hours away
We live 5 hours from my step kids we get 1 weekend a month ( the longer weekends) every other Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthday . One gets even years the other gets odd years. Then we have 5 weeks out of the whole summer. And we meet half way for pick up and drop off. This was established by the courts.
Add note: the girls were 3 years old when this all started.
Alternate holidays and do 2 weeks at a time at each house in the summer. Also alternate spring and winter breaks once school starts.
I was her age if not younger when I went to Texas for the whole summer at my grandparents house, I lived in Indiana at the time. I would only say no if it interferes with her school schedule. He gave his idea so now you need to come up with a compromise.
Why would he move that far away knowing he has a 3 year old daughter with you?
Small holidays like Easter is silly since not really off school. But seems really good actually. Trading holidays is great. And summers for you to have a break after all year 
be thankful he’s wanting to be involved. So many have deadbeats. Everyone wants to bash him for moving and don’t even know why.
Consult an attorney. Courts usually have parenting plans that can help. One parent is no more or less deserving than the other.
Maybe not the whole summer, but 6ish weeks is standard. Also, every other holiday is completely acceptable.
I’m sorry but he IS the father. So many would be downing him if he didnt want involved. Rotating holidays is only fair. And maybe split the summer, just because that is a big adjustment for a 3 year old. But if he is a good father then I dont see why he shouldn’t get as much time with her as you do. Children need both parents in their lives, regardless of their parents life choices (as long as it’s safe for the child)
Odd years yours even years his very SIMPLE
When my parents divorced my mom and I lived in PA and my dad in NC. I went to my dads every other year for thanksgiving and every other year for Christmas. If I had a longer break for spring break/Easter sometimes I’d go for that, but it depended on the year. As for summer I was home for 7-10 days at the beginning of the summer and 10-14 days at the end of summer. I averaged about 6 weeks at my dads, but that also depended on how snow days where that year. Now based off the reasons my parents divorced, my mom made it clear that getting me to and from his house was on him. A few years there was meet ups and meeting half way but only a couple times. I was also almost 10 when they split. My mom and I always took a vacation when I got home before I went back to school. I don’t know if it helps but that’s how my parents managed.
What he’s asking is pretty standard I mean y’all could. Change up some or whatever. Be thankful he actually wants to be around #noteveryoneislucky
Here we go…god forbid the father actually wants to see and parent his child…
He chose to move, let him have the baby when she is old enough to fly by herself. I
1 month in the summer and one or the other Christmas or Thanksgiving
It’s absolutely acceptable, and I have a very similar version of this arrangement. Your daughter deserves to have a relationship with her father, and it is your job as her mother to help facilitate that. Be thankful you can still discuss this with him, because the state I live in wouldn’t give you a choice about it…
My hubby and I currently get his girls my step daughters every other weekend and every other year for ALL holidays mothers and fathers are spent with the mom and dad ALWAYS, he gets them 1 week of their 2 week breaks for spring and winter, and 3 weeks of the summer and as far as distance goes each party has to drive halfway and both parties have to have court permission to leave state (that was the judge’s ordering not us or their mom) Also keep in mind as she gets older the plan you choose now will still stand unless you have it changed in court.
And if the judge does want to favor any of his requests if they would interfere with schooling they I’d make him responsible for getting her to school.
If you go to court he will most likely get alternating holidays like he’s requesting
Probably won’t get the entire summer but may possibly get half of it
The goal is co-parenting and shared custody means actually sharing custody
You would have her the most time out of the year
She’s 3. Until she is in kindergarten, the whole school break thing doesn’t matter right now. Heck, the school could change their time off and adjust the holiday schedule. Come up with something for age 3 and update when she hits kindergarten. Best advice, rotate weeks until that time.
every other holiday is actually normal, but given that he is the one that moved he should be the one that comes to you to pick her up, take her to his place, then return her to you. summers and longer breaks (fall break for instance) it’s usually split. half with you and half with him. sounds like you should speak to a lawyer before he tries to take you to court claiming you are barring him from seeing her (even though it’s his fault he moved away)
Nope every other weekend alternative holidays and a week or 2 in summer and half spring break but it would not be good for her to be away from her primary home little bit during the school year then 3 months ? That would make no sense
Bugga that, he moved, if he wanted to spend time with her and see her, he wouldnt have up and left, 3 yrs old is way to young to travel that much…
We do basically this with my stepchildren who are 12 hours away. They are now almost 4 and 6 (started at 18 months and 3) we have half of Christmas break, all spring break, and all of summer break minus 7 days that they go with mom to a camp. Works out well. Until school was an issue with the oldest we had them 2 weeks every month, meeting half way.
My stepson is 4hours away and we do every other year for the holidays and 6 weeks in the summer but we also get him every other weekend and meet halfway
Ours was: 3 weeks at a time at each house…every second holiday …your house one easter, his the next…but the holiday after easter would be yours then…but then dh’s ex petitioned for primary residence when he was 4, but we got it…so before she moved back to the area, it was phone calls with mom, and every second weekend visits.
My friend has a similar plan, I think the father gets half of Christmas, half of Easter, depends if it’s his holiday and most of the summer. I believe she has like 4 weeks home.
You can’t drive 4 hours to meet him halfway for him to see his daughter throughout the year? He’s not asking for too much. You’ll have her majority of the year. I’d be thankful you have someone who didn’t move across country and just act as if the child never existed.
Sounds pretty normal. If you don’t think so go to an attorney but more than likely that’s what will happen.
A month in the summer. Every other holiday
She also started when she was 3, but being he moved I would make it so that he would have to come pick her up and return her. It’s not feasible to have thanksgiving break being it’s only 2 days.
I’d say hed get a month in the summer and every other holiday including that you get her to her dads and he gets her back to you therefore it’s not just you paying and doing all the work for her to see her dad.
Every OTHER holidays? So it’s not too much travel time at all?
Don’t use travel time as an excuse…
I think this is him showing that even if he has a newly immediate family he is still trying to see and spend time with his daughter as much as you would ALLOW him. Please don’t take this offensively but I think you need to look past the grudges that you hold with her father because he is trying to talk to you and see his daughter which a lot of us women would only wish the man had that much love for their child after the relationship is over. Be easy be open-minded and let your daughter see her father ESPECIALLY if he wants to see her. Have him meet you half way. And an 8 hour drive is going to be slightly difficult but she won’t remember the drive she’ll remember the time spent.
What about what the child wants??? Never think about that ??
He chose to have a new baby and move 8 hours away. I’d tell him 3 weeks of the summer and every other major holiday they get more than a day or 2 off school for. I don’t get men moving far away from their kids. You cannot be the parent your child deserves being 8 hours away.
Every other holiday makes sense… sure he’s the one who moved but if he’s a good father you should alternate holidays or split the longer holiday breaks. Just talk to him about the shorter holiday breaks at school. You’re right, it doesn’t make sense to send a kid 9 hours away for two days. Personally the only time I’d give an entire summer break away from my kid is if I were dead. Comprise and try to split the break with him.
Every other holiday IS typical but breaks (summer/winter) are usually split half/ half between parents. Also, he should be held responsible for the cost of travel and the responsibility of get getting to/from her destination.
Every other major holiday and a month in the summer should be sufficient.
Every other holiday and school breaks is fair. For the summer I would do 2 weeks out of each of the 3 summer months June July and August.
I wouldn’t want my three year old out of my arms that far away either. I can’t say I don’t blame you mom. I don’t know the story as to why he moved or who left who but I feel your pain. Hopefully you and the step get along well considering she’ll be spending time with you baby.
My parents split when we were young. My mom moved 4.5 hours away when I was 6-7 and my sister was 3-4 my mom got us a week after school ended and brought us back a week before school started. She got us Christmas Day and brought us back a day before Christmas vacation ended and same with Easter vacation and pretty much any other break we got. When I got older I wasn’t a huge fan of the summer arrangement because I wanted to hang out with my friends and felt like I was missing out in all the fun they all had together
My husband gets every holiday and then all summer except the first and last 2 weeks. They live 5 hrs away.
I would have to say yes for my child’s benefit, with the exception of half summer not full.
Its better than what we had as a kid. My mom lived 4 hours away. It was every other holiday, every other weekend, and half the summer. Every other holiday means all of Thanksgiving so Thanksgiving andbthe whole weekend same with christmas and easter
I couldn’t stand my son being away for the whole summer. I think that is crazy and wouldn’t blame you
Also I would not let him leave state with her without a custody agreement. In some states he could take her and refuse to give her back. And cops wouldn’t do nothing then you’d have to go to court. Even with court order he could refuse to give child back and cops won’t do nothing and you’ll have to file with the courts which can take months. I’d just be really weary sending your kid 8 hours away especially if out of state. People tend to get really scandalous when it comes to kids especially if they have a new spouse. I just could never feel comfortable sending my kid 8 hours away. Not even with their dad.
He never should of moved so far if he was so concerned about seeing his child . The judge will ask that he moves back this way or he gets her the summer
He should spend some of that time coming to see her so her life is not so disrupted.
It’s usually a week off for Thanksgiving and a week off for break/Easter. Look at the schedule of the school she would be attending for facts .
He’s trying to put your child as much in the family as he can be happy for that but in the other hand if he is willing to live that far away he has to be willing to pay for the expenses but also putting you into consideration you can’t go that long without your baby and need holiday times with her as well. You could also see if he’s willing to have a lil holiday with his new fam to come and see you
That’s how a court will make it so you really have no choice.
3 weeks in summer and every other holiday is 100% reasonable if hes a good dad he deserves it kids need both parents you may be mom but he is still dad
The smaller holidays are ridiculous, just cause Easter they only get 1day off for school, but Thanksgiving is fine cause they get that Thursday and Friday off then the weekend. And I’d do like half the summer. But every other holiday sounds normal
No its really not that much what hes asking for. Its completely reasonable what hes asking for
Fair except half of the summer instaed of full sunner
Half the summer
Every other holiday every other year
Every other fall Break
If he wants a relationship with his child allow it be possible.
Do not fight try really hard to go parent if you can’t then go to court and set visitation in reason to your child’s needs not your own. This is another child stuck in the middle and it breaks my heart I saw it with my brother’s kids and at the end the adults ended up happy with someone else and the kids heart broken because all there parents did was fight about what they wanted.
Every other holiday and one month in summer is how the court did my brother in law
I would give him half of summer break and you get the other half. The every other holiday part seems fair. Make it so you guys meet half way of the 8 hr trip.
Legally he gets 6 weeks in the summer . Fall, winter and spring break . Every other holiday, rotate each year. Thats how court would make it so you don’t have a choice. Either work with him or let a judge tell you to your face. Reality of it is, that’s her dad. He has rights to. I would just co parent with him. None of us like our babies being gone but that’s just how it is. I’m sorry but there is no way to sugar coat it.
That was my life as a child. And I loved it
I’d say let the court decide and it should actually work in your favor. An in law of mine had her ex move about 90 minutes away and travel is all his responsibility because he chose to move away. Every other major holiday makes sense but court would take into account time and travel. An at most I’d say half the summer. I hope it works out for the best I have a 2 and a half year old and the idea of having her so far away would scare me. So I completely understand.
Half of the summer other then that sounds good I wish I had that set up
I’m wondering why he would even move 8 hours away from his daughter!?
So essentially he would get to skip ALLLLLL the parenting and just get her during the fun times? Umm, hell no. He should have thought about that before he moved away.
Every other holiday, and half of summer break. No thanksgiving as its only two days.
He won’t get the full summer. At least at that age. No judge will do that. But I could see 3 weeks
Honestly, sounds like a typical custody/visitation order.
Look up ur state guidelines for visitation…do u have joint custody…if so…the court’s will give u very reasonable guidelines to follow…if not and u were never married or visitation was never set up through court…u call the shots…u have full custody…until the courts tell something different…he’d have to take you to court…Good Luck!!
What he is asking for is fair, as well as he should get fall and Spring breaks. It should be as close to 50/50 as possible. Also until she starts school it should be month to month on off switch.
I would say he can have her the first half of the summer. You get her the second half. I don’t think the holiday thing is terrible. You have her one thanksgiving, he gets her the following christmas, you get her again Easter, and then thanksgiving would be his, Christmas that year yours, and so on. Kids usually have off the Friday after thanksgiving and the Monday after Easter.
I absolutely would not allow him to have her all summer. When he chose to move so far away he gave up being able to see her as much. I would be hard pressed to give in to a whole lot of his demands.
It’s not about you. It’s for your daughter
I would raise the fact that in nI way is that a stable lifestyle for such a young age…i cannot see a 2 or 3 yr old even begin to comprehend all that…an older age if the child’s comfortable with it and all yeah whatever…but 3? I mean he should have really thought about it before making such a huge distance between him and his child…thats just stupid if u ask me but 💁 …parents are supposed to rearrange THEIR life for their child, not the child taking the brunt of a parents’ choices
Just be glad he wants to be in his child’s life. With that distance to travel I would rather it be for a week or more at a time. I think alternating all major holidays and a month every summer is fair. The child will get use to the new schedule before long. It’s can be as easy or as hard as the parents make it.
Legally 2 weeks in the summer and alternate holidays
Half summer and half winter break and switch on odd and even days for holidays. When he visits in town he can see his daughter as a courtesy on moms part since she will have more time with the child. The court wants both parents involved so at least be somewhat reasonable on time for dad. Even if it’s hard which I know it is. Show the court you are trying to reason fairly 
that’s what they love to see.
Nah. He shouldn’t be able to get that. He moves away, he needs to think of her if he wants whats best for her.
What does your court order state?
Agree to all but you get half the summer.
Not the entire summer. You should have atleast 4 weeks in the summer.
She is 3 years old. Some people are so selfish. A 3 year old should not be away from their primary parent for so long. At 3 they don’t adjust easily to new places as well as not seeing someone they see everyday. I would straight up say no. When she is older like 13-16 then I would say yes but, on her terms.
I used to spend summers with my dad school year with mom. It was ok.
Some of these comments are petty as hell. I’m sure half of you don’t have to deal with this and still put your opinions when you haven’t even gone through this yourselves!! 3 , young or old. Try to make it EVEN for you and the dad. You both knew how things would happen having a kid and breaking up. And one or the other moves on… We’re a blended family And I WISH but doesn’t matter because I’m the step mom opinion doesn’t matter. My fiancé’s wishes we can get her all school year and her mom keeping her holidays and half of the summer and half winter but she refuses she wants the big duty so she keeps her school year, we get her weekends winter vacation and spilt summer , alternate holidays.we don’t blame her because most likely bio moms always wants more time with their kids, Her mom always moving because of financial which is non of our business if they move they have to do what they have to do to survive for her family but we still always have a solution to see the daughter!! And I’m sure they’ll understand if we were to move too!! We will always meet standards! Yeah they sometimes will get crabby through the ride but that doesn’t matter you should see their face light up when they see dad and his family, they will forget the trip. Don’t ruin her time with her dad just because your being petty or holding grudges. about him moving away WORK around for your daughters sake. Not everyone is going to want to live close forever, therefor they make plans to see they’re kids. Sounds like some rather have dead beat dads so they wouldn’t have to go through an ache of a plan or what you guys say demands. Jealously needs to get out of the way too. Shaking my head on some of these comments make me heat up I would feel so bad for your children’s…
He should have thought this over before moving ,shes way to young for all these changes, maybe when shes in school, not 3 !
Then you get her every two weeks and he gets her every two weeks, if he gets Christmas this year you get Christmas next year. Most of you guys sound petty because he moved on well shit happens people get divorced and move on they are allowed to move to doesn’t mean they don’t care about their child anymore
I would say no, because hes not being far, he want it all he needs to share, you guys need to work together and hes not doing that.
I live in the UK. The staple is every other weekend…or at least one a month, easter is a week each summer is 3 each christmas is a week each. Half terms is about 8 days so they’re split too.
They could well get facetime a few times a month as well
Parents are generally asked to split the travel
Not sure what his reasoning is for moving hopefully it was beneficial to ALL of his family.
I guess I’m wondering who is taking her back and forth?
Is that also split?
If there is 16 hours of travel time minimum that is really hard for a sleep schedule during school age and school term.
I would atleast let her stay 4 weeks minimum during summer.
That might be a great experience for her.
Honestly two weeks prior to school starting I would want her home to get supplies, clothes, and school open houses.
Maybe his plan is to stay in the area that you live in during the Holidays?
I would think since he just moved their may be family still in the area.
Facetime would be beneficial.
Just don’t get caught up on your anxiety. Such as bad weather and roads, or illness.
Sometimes you have to make sacrifices when you’re a parent.
Personally I could not move that far away from a small child.
That’s missing out on school, Church, family activities and sports or extracurricular activities such as dance, choir, band, karate.
Just do your best to be fair. Maybe a trial run.
As a stepparent that had to drive 4 hours every other weekend. It’s a lot harder than we planned on.
The kids moved with their mother preschool age. We didn’t have the heart to make them relocate when they started school. It made sports almost impossible with games on the weekends.
There is a lot to co parenting. It’s stressful on the best of families.
Good luck and God Bless!
I only see an issue in two years when she starts school as Easter and Thanksgiving are short holidays but Easter usually coincides with spring break. A lot can happen between now and then. My ex mived 8 hrs away (he moved due to his job) so we met halfway. Sounds like a good plan to me
Where i live, if it goes to court he will probably get every other weekend, Christmas on odd years and thanksgiving on even or vice versa and once she starts school he will probably get all of spring break and half of winter break because you have her full time. As for drive time you can split by him picking her up from you and you from him or just fond a mid point but whatever it is do what’s right for your little one, she needs both parents. If you can’t work it out go to mediation and have a plan to take to a judge, otherwise he will decide for you.
My parents lived 15 hours apart from the time I was 3 until I was 9. My dad got me every 6 weeks for a weekend, every other holiday, and 6 straight weeks in the summer with two more weeks after my mom saw me. Custody isn’t easy on anyone :/. I never adjusted very well.
I would only change summer to the last half. To get back in routine and do stuff together. Once kindergarten starts the holidays might change due to one or 2 days thresh hold. I am sure father would understand that.