How is it like to live with your mother-in-law? So, my mother-in-law is moving overseas to be with us since all her children left the country. She will be living with us indefinitely… She usually stays with us 3-4 months a year in the summer and goes back to her country for the rest of the year. So for me, it was only a matter of having a good relationship with her for the time she was here. But now, she will be moving permanently, and I am scared my relationship with my children and husband will be challenged. She is nice, helps a lot whenever she is with us, helps me with cooking and the kids… But I know I will miss having time alone with my husband and kids. She is 70+, doesn’t drive, and doesn’t speak the language of the country we live in, so it is impossible to get her an apartment for herself… Any advice? Do some of you also live with your in-laws and find this a positive experience in the long run? Thanks!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What is it like living with your mother in law?
It would depend on the people involved but generally speaking, not good.
To each their own. My parents, grandparents and mil live in the house with us. It is actually pretty amazing having everybody here. All are capable of living on their own but we bought a big enough house and moved everybody in.
Not good. I have a wonderful relationship with my in laws and lived with my FIL for a couple of years. My husband spent most of the time talking to his dad instead of hanging out with me and it caused issues. We have our own place, our own space now and my relationship with my in laws is better than ever 
Nope. I tried it 3 weeks was all it lasted. Never again. Like my momma said can’t no two women run one household. She tried it, I put her right out along with her son. Because he took her side and tried to tell me how it was gonna be in my house. No sir, bye bye to both
Everyone needs their space. Works for a few years then
Well…
Make and set boundaries from the beginning.
Don’t prejudge. My mom came to lice with us and it was fine. No issues. My mother in law wants to move in now and my husband said definitely not. I was shocked. It depends on so many things. It might be nice to get the extra help. I’m sure there will be bumps here and there and but if you can make it 3-4 months you have a good jumpstart.
My mother in law moved in with us August 2017. She was out of my house by October 2017. My husband and I nearly got a divorce because of it. I had really high hopes about her living with us. I thought it would be like having another mom. I was SO wrong.
I think you will be fine. There will be adjustments but it can be a positive move for all involved. Just know all families have ups and downs but you all have lived together in the past and she is a help to you.
Have you ever seen two queen bees put together for a long period of time?.. enough said
We had my mom live with us. She was born and raised in our country. We ended up asking her to leave after her living with us for 5 years because she did something that would of got my husband and myself in trouble, and my mother truly didn’t care.
Yes I live with my MIL and ya it gets trying at times but, both of my parents are gone. And I have to admit I would give anything to have them back with me. Instead of thinking about ourselves we need to remember life is short. Think of the memories you will be creating that will last a lifetime, for her, the kids, and yourselves. No one can’t take that away from you. Try to make peace with it. You can always have a night out with your husband and kids. She can also go and find things to do that she likes. There is church groups, shopping , luncheons, dining with new friends, museums… the list goes on and on. My MIL AND I ARE CLOSE she called me daughter, I call her mom. I have gotten used to being with her for 5 years now. And she can’t do everything for the house ie cleaning, but ya she helps do some stuff around the house to help. But I can’t imagine not having her with us. And I never want to . You are resilient you will make it. Good luck enjoy life while you have her.
No way in hell I would ever let my mother in law stay
Not being rude in any way. But it’s 2021. The language she speaks has nothing to do with her being able to get an apartment of her own. Plenty of people who can’t speak the language of where they are moving to are able to still get housing. I would definitely let her move in long enough to learn the language to get around but not indefinitely unless she has major underlying health problems.
My experience has not been good. She over steps and babies my children and my boyfriend. Things changed drastically when she moved in, and not in a single good way either. Your luck may be better but just be prepared for things to change.
It’s chill, doing right now. In other homes It’s one sided so I know why
Didn’t work for me either way, living with us or us living with her. But all issues are in the pass now so our visits are still enjoyable.
Do you speak her language ? Find friends matching her personality and age and language so she feels busy to not interfere in your life as long as your husband don’t stick between 2 of you and don’t effect your relation shop good luck ! I had been in the similar situation and still have scar tissues from that time !
No matter what anyone’s opinion is you already have a mind set that things will not be good you only like her there part time so it’s obvious you aren’t going to like it a full time thing.
Unless she is ready to die and have lots of money just take it w a grain of salt and wipe then kiss that asss
Me and my family had to move in with my mother in law about 10 years ago. I can’t really tell you how she truly felt about it, she seemed happy to have us. And we were happy there too. We ended up being there about a year until our home was ready for us to move into. I think it depends on the dynamic between everyone involved
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What is it like living with your mother in law?
This may break your relationship. Huge difference in a vacationing inlaw and one living there 24/7. Have the complete conversation with your spouse about your concerns, what you would like and the MIL’s place in the family dynamic especially if you have children before she comes. I wish you luck because while I enjoy being around my in laws, I couldn’t live with them. We did for 3months and my tongue was so sore from biting it that I prob did permanent damage.
Set up clear boundaries from the beginning. Have an open and honest conversation with her about your concerns and let it be perfectly clear that sometimes you will be doing things as a family and that will not always include her. Its ok for you to want to have private family time. Clear boundaries and open communication.
If she is in good health then why is it impossible for her to have her own place? People come here all the time not knowing the language. Or get her a Granny Pod so she also has her own space and yall can still have an eye on her?
I’ve been there and honestly even tho everyone is different, I do not recommend living with in laws or any family member, period.
It depends…if she is one to be in your business 24/7 it will be hell…if she isn’t, it will be an adjustment but, you and your husband can plan a weekend trip once a month and make sure to have a date night once a week.
I wouldn’t personally! Living with in laws doesn’t always go so well. You have different life styles and they can clash and then things become uncomfortable. And just because there is a language barrier it does not mean she can not get her own apartment, that’s just ridiculous especially if she has you and your husband to translate 
Care for her the way you would want when your in your golden age
Been there, not recommended!
Try n compromise is the best way been there both sets of parents n it’s ok - take a date nite out or weekend-dinner out alone n still do things with hubby ;”)
Get a new house with a mother in law suite. It will allow everyone to have theor own space because i am sure at some point she will want some me time too.
You’re already looking at this from a negative stand point. It very well may be a blessing in disguise, may very well enhance your marriage with your husband seeing how you’re willing to care for his mom as though she is yours.
You are the woman of the house so set boundaries as needed & stop entertaining the negative thoughts about her moving in.
Wish you the best
I live with my mil and she gets treated like my friends. We joke , I make fun of her ankles lol we have lots of fun . It would be boring without her !
Barbara Hellewell 
What if your son in law or daughter in law doesn’t want to put up with you when you get old?? There’s something very wrong with you. Maybe your husband should get rid of you and take care of his mother himself. You’re teaching your children that you don’t love their grandmother and letting them think it’s okay to get rid of her because she’s inconvenient for you. I wouldn’t keep you around.
Hell no don’t do it, if she is in hood health help her find a place close by. I do not recommend it been there done that
If she has been helpfull will continue probably. Hope she has her own room and bathroom. Mine was good and lived by myself and her son
Do you own your home?
I hate to break it to ya but you say indefinitely like it’s a very long time ! When in reality she’s 70 !!! Just enjoy her and let her son enjoy her also! She won’t be able to help and be present forever! Your family will appreciate this time in the long hall !! I work in a retirement residence and it’s sad to see how many parents get left behind in their old age! Without her you wouldn’t have your husband or children so be grateful and enjoy every little moment
What’s the real issue here ? She’s 70!! & you want her to live on her own ??? Maybe she wants to live out the rest of her years with her family. You said she cooks, cleans & helps out with the kids. So I really see no issue. Seems like you have some control issues, & feel like when she comes you won’t have that control anymore. Without her, you wouldn’t have her son or your kids. Imo
I’m sure she will want her alone time too. You can try and find a senior group where they get together for lunch or activities and some of them even schedule trips that are age and activity level appropriate. If your mil likes you you already are headed in a good direction. My mil didn’t like me because she didn’t like my dad but if she needed somewhere to go in her golden years I would have welcomed her but we would all sit down and set rules and boundaries and I would let my husband know that since she’s his mother he would be the one handling any issues and if they were somewhat serious then we would handle it as a family.
What a great gift to give your children. She can tell them stories and put everything down for the future. Children need to connect with grandparents so they learn patience and so they can see what older people have to deal with. Look at this as a good thing. My in laws are both gone and my parents are both gone, I miss the days when we’d all go to the farm and spend the day with my great grandma, grandma, uncles and aunts. They all came here from Norway and I would love to have a chance to hear about their life in Norway, the boat trip to the USA, how they settled in Wisconsin and chose farming. You don’t realize what you wish you knew until you get older and all that information died with them.
You have good days and bad days those are my experiences with inlaws🤷And i agree with Ginny Hylton on that.Boundries are a must so everyone stays in their appropriate lanes BUT if she 70+ and there haven’t been issues in the past im hoping there wont be any and you all can cohabitate peacefully❤
Make her Room an Oasis so she can go in there and out of your space also need Friends to take her out evenings so you will have a nice one by yourself.
You are very lucky if you have an angel like MIL. But if you are having an antagonist one, nah, it’s a BIG NO for me. I do not recommend living in with her. You will lose your peace of mind, I swear. 'Been there done that🙄.
Let her be safe for the rest of her life.She could be a big blessing
What would you do if it was your mother?
I wouldn’t be okay with it. You should suggest to your husband that she breaks the year up with her other kids that way your marriage & family don’t hold that burden. For example if she has 3 kids spend 4 months out of the year with each of them.
You would have to know.
Is she the meddling type.
Do you speak the language she does ? If you don’t and anything happens when she is speaking to her son you will be in the dark if he says nothing.
Is he the supportive type?
Is he a mothers boy that is why she is with you ?
Why can’t the living arrangements be shared?
Do the other children live off of the planet earth?
Do they live in the woods?
Did you sit and discuss what your fears and concerns were with your husband ?
Your concerns are real . Please speak to your husband.
She’s 70 you may only have 10yrs before she needs extra help and to live in a home.
Set your boundaries early around the home.
Set up date nights for your husband and you so you don’t miss out on you time.
Take her out to meet people who speak the same language as her (I’m sure there will be groups in your area).
You will be taking care of her for a shorter period of time than she took care of your husband. What a beautiful gift to give her. If you decide its going to be stressful, it will be stressful. If you decide its going to be a positive experience for everyone, it will be that. It sounds like she is lovely.
Your concerns about alone time with your husband are valid but this is not unmanageable, for a start, a 70 year old woman wont be up partying every night. More than likely she will retire early. So there are your alone time in the evenings. And its up to you to manage time together like dates etc. If you have children it makes absolutely no difference to the situation by having mum there too. In fact…she can watch the kids while you two go have coffee or lunch or any rendezvous you so desire 
Be positive, you are doing something so special for an old lady as she winds down her time her in earth. Bless you.
If she has been living independently for this long, this is going to be a big change for her as well.
Do you have different types of groups where you are? Like gardening, sewing, and all that kind of thing for the elder community?
She may want her own friends and life as well, not just be stuck in the house all the time. She will also probably need her own space for some quiet time for her.
You have stated she comes over normally for a few months a year so you would know better than everyone else what type of person she is and what her needs are, communication is the most important thing here.
Don’t always start out with the worst case possible start out with the best case. After all spending the summers with you already you should know what type of person she is.
Just make sure you know what her likes and needs are and get her involved with activities she can do while meeting like minded people.
I would encourage her to get involved in the community as much as possible. You may be surprised to find someone who does speak her language. Also, set boundaries early to ensure you have alone time with the hubby and hey maybe she’s willing to babysit now and again. Kids love being able to grow up with their grandparents as well. We were at my grandparents all the time growing up
Caring for her and developing a new bond with her, in this age of loneliness let her have a chance to be amongst family… you can set the tone of how it’s going to be, a lil empathy on your part will go a long way… even if she tells you to do certain things in certain ways , it’s you who will ultimately decide, just nod and do whatever you want… a lil care and respect that’s all that’s needed of you, it will not come at the cost of your freedom I’m more than sure:+1:t3:
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What is it like living with your mother in law?
Have you and your spouse set some boundaries.
I could never 
she talks to much crap
I have horror stories I won’t bother you with from living with mine, I will say prayers and send good vibes to you all. Best of luck.
What about getting her a granny unit ? Do extended families live together in your husband’s culture? Then there would be some expected norms you could educate yourself about.
You seem like a person who has a good positive attitude.i think you will work it out for good for all.maybe you could get her in a class to learn your language then help her find a womens group at a church.could be helpful she could spend time with others her age and give your family some time alone. Stay positive
I liked my mil before i lived with her she is so disrespectful never ever again
All up to you but living with my mother in law I feel ruined our relationship… definitely boundaries…
Many cultures live this way as the parents get older. Seems as though she is helpful and kind when she stays months at a time so hopefully it will go the same. Just remember it’s an adjustment for her life too, not just yours.
I have and it was a nightmare!!! Just make sure you set clear boundaries and stick to them!!!
My mil and I were bests of friends. We lived with her while she was recovering from a back fracture. It was great and she got very close to our boys. Love covers all! Good luck!
It was great - until her son and I got married, then got worse when I became pregnant.
Remember: Not all in-laws are the same. Some are horrible, some are awesome sauce.
Thank God for the opportunity to help her. Maybe a date night a week to have alone time
She doesn’t sound bad and will probably continue her teaveling to see her other children. She’s used to that. The only difference is that she will have her things in you alls house.
My FIL lived with us & it was pure misery 
Truly depends on her temperament. She may be a very easy going, mind her own business type of mother in law and you won’t feel like she’s in your business or even notice her being there half the time. Family is family and its always difficult living with others in general, just make the best of it and if it becomes a problem cross that bridge when you get to it
Why do people ask such dumb questions I mean really
Depends on how she acts. Me personally wouldn’t live with my mil. Is your property big enough to build a little house in the back yard or maybe a shed that can be turned into a house for her? So you still feel like you have your alone time. Plus side with it would be the extra help with the kiddos and maybe get a date night every so often
Currently in that situation. A nightmare😩
I would literally jump into oncoming traffic before I lived with my MIL and that is an absolute fact:woman_shrugging:t2:
Maybe an assistant living place would be better.
Oh it’s totally dependent on personalities of each individual. I feel like I could live with my in laws. They’re all about independence and support but my family is overbearing
It’s hard when my mom was living with my husband, children, & myself. I 100% could not do it again with my mother or his, they tend to overstep way too much.
I loved living with my in-laws… we only lived with them while our house was getting fixed… they helped out in so many ways w our kids
She doesn’t have to be a bad person. The point is that when you start a family, you need to set boundaries. Couples need to live in their own space. This prevents problems from arising and from lines being crossed. She should have her own place and you and your husband need to have your own home. It works out best this way
When my MIL lived with us, we had date nights every now and then when we wanted to have out, just us 2. I am fortunate to have a great MIL, and the kids love being with her when she’s here. She only lived with us for a year, but I loved with her for 2 when my husband and I weren’t married yet. I think it can be great for the kids to create a stronger bond with their grandparent, not everyone is afforded that opportunity. But if you’re feeling some type of way about it, there may be an underlying issue that needs to be addressed between you and your spouse.
I’m long divorced so no MIL for me.
I’d have to be in dire straights or deathly ill to agree to live with my DIL though.
I’m imagining it not being an easy choice for MIL either.
Multigenerational households are a blessing. I would embrace it.
I love my mil but I would never live with or let anyone live with me. It always create some sort of conflict. My advice to you would be to keep her busy not just at home all day. She needs to make firends and have a social life. Keep her out of the house as much as possible lol
I live with my mother in law, and it def depends on personalities. But I love the extra help. You just have to set boundaries.
Family is family. Reap the blessings of living with her if not for yourself, for the sake of your children. Much grace 
I used to live with my MIL and that almost was the end of my relationship with my partner. not saying it will be for you, but make sure your partner gives you your place as the WOMAN of the house.
If she’s stayed with you for months at a time in the past without issue, I doubt it will be an issue with her coming to live with you permanently. It sounds like she is kind and helpful.
Currently in this position, it’s hard it really is but we make it work. I just look at it as if it were my parents that needed somewhere to stay I’d hope my spouse would do the same for me and my parents. My husband also let his mother know before she moved in that his wife and children come first no matter what and if he felt that she in any way tried to overstep her boundaries she would have to move out. We take little trips just me my husband and children from time to time just for alittle family time alone.
I lived with my husband’s uncle. He was ok at first. Helped alot. But something changed and he just stopped helping us. We were fighting constantly because I have a 2 year old escape artist and he never understood why I needed alarms on doors. I live in town my neighbors have pools. I wanted safety and he wanted to take over everything. I was miserable. His cat is still living with us bc he moved back in with his mom and she said 5 cats and 4 adults were to much for the two bedroom place she is sharing with her daughter and her husband. He and her share a room. I am hoping that it works out. I have also told my husband that living with any other in laws in my home will depend who they are. His mom sure, brothers sure, I will not live with his uncle again. I am dead set on him no. My other in laws wouldn’t be that bad but it’s my house my rules. My kids will get to run scream and play in their house. My kids safety comes before anything else. And no one in my family is allowed. I had a very miserable time when both of my parents died. So my family is toxic and not welcomed.
My mil is from the Philippines and we lived together for 2.5 years and we finally had to just buy her a house bc it put a huge strain on hers and I’s relationship. We fought all the time. It’s better now but we couldn’t live together again.
I mean if the home is spacious enough for everyone to have their own rooms and not on top of each other I think it could work
Maybe you could make her a tiny apartment in your house? You could tell her it’s for her to have her own space to do what ever she wants, but really it’ll be helping you to continue to have your own space hahahaha
My mother lives with my husband, I and daughter. My mother and husband are best friends but so I’m I with my mother. We do set rules like if we have a fight it’s just between us and no picking sides. She helps out so much. It’s not always perfect but way better then I imagined it would be.
Oh man good luck. My monster in law lived with us for a year. Didn’t help with ANYTHING not even financials. But yet spent all her money on ridiculous things. Then started trying to cause riff between my husband and I. Once she saw that didn’t work she started cutting in to me personally. Now that she’s FINALLY out of my house she thinks it’s ok to just show up unannounced out of the blue whenever she feels like it. She uses my husband for EVERYTHING!! Living with a MIL is NOT ideal in the least. No matter what, she will always judge me. I tried to play nice, but that only got me taken for granted. Good luck with it all
Helps with kids and cooking, yep sounds like a freeking nightmare.
God bless you, But I wouldn’t, unless you have a separate suite built in your house, that you can be separate from her & both still have your privacy
My mother in law lived with us for many years. My kids were little when she made ced in and teens or older when she moved with brother in law
She was helpful l, cooked and cleaned and was a great help with the kids
God’s and just nd lady Neighbors only knew her as grandma. She was grandma to everyone
The challenge was all be times. Remember n errands together, have date nights or long walks.
I miss Grammy very much. Won’t say it was always easy but miss her dearly
Set boundaries and get her to learning the language. If you get push back from the hubby tell him you want her to be able to communicate if she ends up alone in a store or something while your out and about. Spin it to where it’s independence for her in case of emergencies and what not. She would honestly probably be happier if she can do that. Also, still make plans for you and your family. She’s not always gonna wanna do what yall do.
This is why you shouldn’t marry a foreigner. 1st the MIL then the sisters, then brothers, then other relatives. Seen this too many times