For me it didn’t work. She became way to opinionated on my
Parenting and controlling. It made things very stressful and hurt our relationship greatly.
I live with my son, girlfriend and granddaughters but my issue is the girlfriend always has an attitude towards me for no reason I cook, cleaning, and take care of my granddaughters everyday even when they are off…I don’t do nothing wrong but I think she’s bipolar and then my son tells her u need to respect my mom cuz if it wasn’t for her we would be in debt…but I love my family plus I am a stay at home grandma
Good luck I would never allow anyone to move in with my husband and kids because we like our privacy and we don’t want anyone trying to parent our kids differently! I just don’t see it turning out good living with ur mother in law!
Nope no never I’d rather saw my arms off
Set your ground rules asap as to what you expect from her, and what she can expect from you. Before she moves in if possible.
I would never under any circumstances live with my mother in law lol
My Mama always said there’s no house big enough for 2 families. I tend to agree with her
Split time with siblings everyone has her for a few months so u can can all have time with her and alone time with your family when she is elsewhere
No way would i ever do that! Thats your home. It will probably be fine for a short while but after that fall apart and cause alot of hard feelings. No room for two families
Set a reasonable time Like by 8pm that she retires to her own room to do her own thing … leaving alone time with you and your family.
Would have absolutely no issues if my mother in law moved in with us permanently and it wouldn’t be the first time we had lived together. Fortunately I get on with my inlaws quite well.
Only advice is to establish boundaries. With the house, with your kids and with your relationship.
Never works out no matter your relationship.
Are you able to extend your house to include a granny flat at all?
That way you can have your own space if needed…
I don’t speak for you cause me and mine do not speak or get along AT ALL.
That would NEVER happen for us. Just set boundaries. Do yall have MIL suite or will she be living within the same roof? I’m not sure of your location but there is portable sheds that people make into very livable houses that might work for long term. Give everyone a sense of privacy but that also only works if you have somewhere to put one.
I’d rather drive into a tree
Living space!!! She needs her own living space! If you can afford it, invest in a home with a MIL-sweet or enough room where she can have her own room/bathroom and living room like area. She’s going to need it to unwind-she’s used to having it. You’re going to want her to have it too. This investment will make things SO much better for everyone.
Get a in law suite or find a way to get one within a year. Move build on etc. I lived with my in law for 3 weeks … then I moved out. I always say I’d help family for one month rent for next month rent and start showing me a potential to get out of my house. Third month and I am charging you for food, rent etc. And I am demanding larger efforts to get out.
I domt get company I’d rather be someone’s company. Cause I like the ability to leave when I want and be alone . My son is autistic and can’t do crowds overly good and when he needs down time I am all for it. I have anxiety and maybe tad bit of depression. I also realized few years ago I was never going to be happy until I learned to be happy with myself. The alone time does you good
Its a lot of playing nice and learning how to make sure they arent meddling (mine is VERY overbearing) but my man and I dont have kids together. All i can say is good luck!!!
My MIL lives with us and she is my saving grace! We’re very close though.
I love my mother in law, but also know that we could not live together. lol But everyone’s situation is different! It could totally work for you. I would definitely set boundaries up front. Mine tends to be overbearing.
It was fine when I did. As long as she knocked before entering room
Get a room for her and she can do her own stuff like a granny flat of your home
This would be me 90% of the time. You need a tree house.
Where do you live? Is weather warm year round where she could get a nice 5th wheel camper with pull outs? Back yard? Then she can still have her own food, kitchen, bathroom and if you eat together some nights too thats fine??? Both then have some privacy?
Been there tried that , no way not again
My mother in law was the most beautiful and caring person. I loved living with her. She adjusted any meals made to include my veganism and would bring home new recipes for us to try. I miss her like crazy
I’ve done it twice and I’ll never do it again. Worst mistake of my life! I’d rather get eaten by a million rats before I let that happen again.
You need to have clear boundaries and rules and also a backup plan for her.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What is it like living with your mother in law?
I moved in with my son and family! I thought it would be nice!! I became the cook, the wash lady, the taxi for the kids, the cleaning lady, as I told my son, my name is Alice!(Brady Bunch) he said you don’t have to do anything! His wife(they are now separated) said you better not tell.people I don’t do anything, but she didn’t! It can work, but you have to work together! I guess I took on too much from the beginning! Only me and my son now! The kids grew up and moved and the wife found another!
She sounds very sweet. I would be looking for an outlet for a few hours a week. Something like an Adult daycare, or connecting her with an older friend. If that is not possible one night a week should be devoted to just you and your family to do something fun. Depending where you live it could be going to the beach, hiking, movie, golfing, etc…. She sounds healthy enough to be on her own one night. Or you could go this on a Saturday afternoon. This gives both you and her your own time and space. Best of luck… very very sweet you are doing this for your MIL.
I grew up living with my grandparents on my Father’s side so his Mother was my Mums Mother in Law it was great:smiling_face: but they did have separate spaces in the sense the house was split in two so we each had private rooms and it was nice growing up knowing your grandparents really well
We lived with my mother in law and it was a very positive relationship.sge was a blessing when we had our son.there are always good and bad days that’s life if you and the hubby need time alone just ask her to watch the kids.and having her live with you I think in the long run would benefit all of you this way if anything should happen you are there so you would be taking care of each other
If she helps you around the house she is showing you love. Don’t get hung up on changes. Show her that you love and appreciate her. The rest will take care of itself. Fear that things will change will only burden your thoughts and emotions and your life will become a mess.
If she’s the nice type,you will be blessed to have her around but if on the contrary,your marriage is under threatened.
Loved the time spent with my mil. She had 6 children and always pointed out the fact as a mother you were constantly being busy and I needed my alone time. Took my side. Lived it.
Just make sure you have your own time and space away from her. You do not have to include her with everything.
Explain the space, you discipline your children and not her , if she wants to cook do not refuse! Coming from work I was tired so excited that she did . I got along with mil loved her very much
I could have lived with my mother-in-law forever. She was such a wonderful lady. I miss her so much. She was one in a million.
I live with my son and his wife we get along fine I help her and she. Helps. Me. Better than Being. Alone. Love them. Dearley
I lived with my mother in law and we got along with her I didn’t totally agree with everything she said but we mean to be gracefully with her .I married her youngest son of twenty one so we were two green horns .but we learned from experience that we give her the benefit of dought…
We live in a multi generational household that once upon a time included my father in law. Treasure this time. It passes all too quickly.
Yes Buck up little bronco!you could be in the same position some day…
We have had my mother live with us and his dad and gf live with us at different times. Every day wasn’t a walk in the park but it worked for us as it needed too. One agreement we have always had is our parents are welcome
In my own opinion go to God in prayer ask for help He will guide you in how to live peacefully and happily with her .
A parent at this age is a blessing so embrace her as Tym is to short not too do up her room and make her comfortable as possible and look after her that is a blessing from above
If I had an older mother in law I would welcome her with open arms. You can take vacations. I love my husband and I’d gladly do it for him without complaining. I’m sure he’d do it for me too. Not on my life will I put my family in a nursing home. I’d enjoy her
My husband and I are living with our daughter right now and the best thing is for her to have a TV in her room with a very comfy chair and books in her language. Also find a good church that is homeland specific for her (say like Korean or whatever) and that has a ladies group!
First that’s awesome that you worry about this. It won’t be easy but you make it work for those months already you can do this. It will take time. Be gentle as she will be completely out of her element. Learn her language as well as teach her yours. Sticky notes will words. Ask her how you can make it more comfortable her. Tell her how you would like to make it her home and not just her vacation spot to see family. Hopefully she is willing and helps make the transition simple.
If there is any way to provide her with a mother in law suite I encourage you to do that. She will appreciate the break away from the kids and you and your husband just as much as you will appreciate the time away from her. Also I think going into this with a positive attitude and some excitement will serve you in the long run! Also this will allow your children to build life long memories with their grandmother! Good luck
I think since you are on good terms, it will be much better than what you’re expecting! Try to think of her as your mom when doing things and making a decision on going places without her. Dont look at her as a friend or distant cousin. Embrace her so its easier for everyone. At 70+ she mostly likely has 10-20 years left and you prob have 30-40 years. Which means it’s not forever and your husband and children will get to have her nearby in the end.
Have never experienced this. However, one thought is seek out people in your area that does speak her language and require that she meet with them occasionally.
I lived with my mother in law and I will tell you I wouldn’t never of changed it !she passed away and I found her I come to love her very much I’m glad she was with us instead of a nursing home or here own apartment!im also glad she was here for her sons sake he got to spend cherished time with her!so think positive about it because life is short and you never no when that person will be gone!
My mother-in-law has lived with us for 8 to 9 years and I wouldn’t have it any other way. The bond my girls have with their grandmother means so much to me.
Why can’t she split her time between all her children
So… first, seeing how this is now going to be permanent you need to have a dialog with her to find out what she expects life to be like as a permanent member of the family unit… also what she actually wants to do within the family unit and what she doesnt want to do. After listening to her and acknowledging her… take notes so you can go back to discuss once youve had time to review them. You can then tell her what your expectations are and she should also take notes for the same reason as you and have her aknowledge you also. Keep an open dialog with her and if changes need to be made on either side they can happen without any butt hurt feelings on either side. Not saying it would be a perfect existance but seeing how you’re both adults you should respect each other at all times.
If there are adult education classes where you are for people to learn the language… usually always is… have her go to classes she may even make some friends there
Every time my sons ask me for money (down payments, house remodeling, weddings), I remind them that they will have to take me in when I get too old with no complaints!
I feel like she towards the end of her life and won’t be that much of a burden, I would though established a home care provider for when she needs it and I’d the other children are close then maybe a once a week get her out of the house so she can experience the new country as well. Are your children grown and out of the house? You could go visit them without her.
Find her a nice over fifties village near you so she can visit you and you her she will soon make friends and people will be helpful she can also learn English for free at local community centres there are always answer if you look for them just because she is 70+ doesn’t mean she doesn’t like her own independence
This is a conversation u need to discuss with your husband . Discuss this in a rational manner this is a highly charged issue . But there r ways , if your MIL have money for she can afford an apartment, that might be the best solution even if u have to drive places , because she will have own place and her solitude . If it is a money issue , that is a whole different situation, which needs more discussion with your spouse
Abide with her since she’s family. Maybe you would get the best out of her. Set aside three days for hubby and kids.
If you think you will miss alone time maybe you could build her an in law suit (assuming you own your house and have a big enough back yard). It’s like 1 bedroom 1 bath apartment. That would give both of y’all space to still have some privacy
It’s not easy to live with in-laws, but having said that, I lived with my son, his wife and 2 little boys, and it’s like any relationship, you have to work hard at it if you want it to succeed. Sometimes you need to allow her to help a little and sometimes include her, like give her a night when she makes supper, or picks flowers for the house, or even if it’s when doing your shopping. Stop off for a coffee. Take her visit your friends once in a while so she can share their news when your chatting. If you keep your mil happy, your son will be happy, but be very careful, dont leave your son out. You have to strike a happy medium. I hope you may just get one little something from this. Good luck. Remember, shes getting older and old age is not easy.
You tolerate her 3 or 4 months every year then you can live with her whole year.She will also cooperate with you because she has no other choice
plan a date night for you and your husband to keep that special couple touch going and maybe a mother son time and you can get out to see special friends too. make the best of things and as she has already been spending several months with you that will help with things
For me its love and hate… my kids love having my in laws with us all the time… but having no privacy sometimes is hard… my mother in law also enjoys moving around the furniture and kitchen cupboards which I hate because I like everything where it was… also the washing schedule sucks
I am the Mother in Law or The Mother in Love.
Sit down with her, explain what you and your husband want to have happen. She isnt moving in to be a maid or a chef. If she feels like cooking or helping you cook take it. Bonding time for you 2. Alone time for family, what ever you do now do it. Your private time with your husband? How did you manage it before? Set your wishes. If you did for 3 or 4 months and managed you can manage now.
Extra tme with your husband? Go to bed early talk to each other. Take a walk. Again you did this already.
Be kind! Remember she isn’t thrilled to live with you either!
Along you all having the living room and separate bedrooms make sure her bedroom is nice and put a tv in it Incase she wants alone time.
I stayed with my daughter and son in law and we got along but the tv in my bedroom was my saving grace!
if the house is big and do there own and if u don’t like what she is doing tell her the rules and what you need
First things first- Bravo to you and your family for loving your Mother in Law through her senior years. She must feel pretty secure in that love to move across the world to live with you. Her help in childcare and house work will be a gift but mire than anything don’t over think what you should or could do. Just enjoy the years you have left with her. Your time will be there to spend with your spouse and he will see and appreciate what sacrifices you are making for his Mom and love you even more for it. If there are children in the house they will be given the special gift of a loving grandma.
I had the most sweeties, Christian mother-in-law. No I was blessed with two moms.
When she arrives you and your husband should have already written down some boundaries. She might have some of her own as well, because it is hard at her age to always been taking care of children and cookies. As long as you all have guidelines it will work out quite well.
No way would I let my mother-in-law live with me.because after awhile her son will take her side everytime.
I’d say, enjoy the moments and be grateful she’s there to be in your children’s lives . Grandparents are great for the children …
Plan ahead with date nights for you and hubby to ensure your time alone .
Find the blessings in this gift . Some would give all to get one day with one of their in-laws let alone their parents …
I love her but I think we would k*ll each other!! We lived next door to each other for 3 years and I almost went insane!!!
It’s extremely hard but if you all set boundaries down and make time for just you and your husband or y’all and the kids it can be done. She does not have to go everywhere and do everything with y’all. But at the same time don’t disclude her from everything.
Not an easy thing if just staying for about 6 weeks. Can’t begin to tell you what to do just pray really that’s the key. And not driving what happens when she has several Dr app u will be an uber driver.
Make three date nights a week one with just kids one with just her and one with just hubby.
Make sure you and your husband have regular dates, and sometimes just the 2of you with your kids.
She must have her own space. Living Room for TV and bedroom with bathroom. You can share the kitchen
Ou need a mother in law SUITE. Our son’s mother in law lives with his wife and him plus their 2 adult children!! A SUITE. A SUITE by all means. Build on to your present home. A SUITE. You will be glad you did!!!
I will tell you this if you’re in good hands and relationship with her and you can understand what she does and she is good for you but she does not the man things or give you no negativity then yes you can stay with her and live with her but just remember she is an older lady and have respect for her and go easy on her make sure you don’t have her do a lot of the inside stuff no matter if she wants to do it and help out yeah it could be handled handling with you but remember when your want to be with your honey or your boyfriend or your she could take the kids and be with them while you’re out and about with your honey or if you want her to be with your honey and you’re with the kids made me remember it is good to have somebody on the side and give you a break too sometimes does be careful leaving her alone that’s one thing is really scary leaving an older person Home Alone but it’d be good if she is with you when she comes visit you is she appropriate in your house that’s what you think about
Date night! If you schedule one night a week to spend with your husband, you will find time to talk about what you need to. As far as private time…well we’ve been married 26 years and we still go out to watch a movie in our SUV and have fun! We live in the middle of nowhere. Parking for making out is abundant!
On the weekend one day for the kids and Sunday is an all family day.
My MIL has been living with us and I have been her caregiver for 15 years. We made sure she has her own space. So she can retreat to her room and read or talk to her friends on the phone.
Honestly, for the most part it’s worked out just fine. We as a couple try to take 3 day holidays every few months.
Sometimes, I resented the extra work and intrusion. That is selfish and after a while I accepted it for what it is and made it much easier on myself. Those were the days I found a friend to have lunch with…never, ever complain to a man about his mother…he is already in a bad position. He didn’t marry you with the intention of you taking care of his mother, which there is a very real possibility of in the near future, given her age.
I had the best mother in law anyone could ask for god rest her soul l loved her ,wish she was still here
Yes I do and I am well taken care of. I thank God everyday for my son-in -law.
Kudos to you for doing it! I couldn’t do it
Consider her to be your own mother all problems will be solved
Don’t do it! Run…run like hell.
Living with my mil was easier than living with my mother!
Be thankful you still have her. She is an asset to your family. I would give anything to still have my mother in law. She passed away far to soon😥
Make her learn English And get a part time job
One day you will be a mother in law
I am sure this question by an indian daughter in law
Love her.she raised your spouse.
No way I would live with my husbands mother
I lived with my mil both before and after my marriage to her son. She was a wonderful lady. I miss her.
Do it for the love of your husband!!’because you love him.
You need to set boundaries from the very beginning. Let her know, time with your husband and kids alone is non-negotiable. Otherwise, try to include her as much as possible. Encourage her to learn the language and make friends or try to find other expats to befriend.
I would assume it’s a fucking nightmare!!