30 years ago 60 years ago 1 year ago
He sexually assaulted someone!!!
13 Likes
Sexually assaulted.
Raped.
Violated.
I don’t know… that took some guts to for her to confront him after 30 years and she most definitely should not be guilted into backing down or forced to just live with it.
Being her cousin and being that he was a teen (not sure of her age at the assault or the age difference… I mean 17 and 12 is a huge deal compared to say 16 and 15) but without even knowing that…. He kept this to himself for all that time. Hoping he could live with it and it would just get buried and disappear. He married someone, had 5 kids with them and never once thought to bring it up!? That doesn’t really sound like someone GUILTY and SORRY if you ask me. That’s fucked up!!!
He’s acting different, sick to his stomach and hiding in his room because he’s worried that she’s going to use legal action and truth be told, she has turned the tables and now has this hanging over his head, your head and 5 other humans lives!!! He fucked up and she can get so much revenge now making y’all feel this way and having y’all concerned for the rest of your lives. Doesn’t even matter that she takes legal action at this point… she has every single one of you by the balls because of that act you claim “happened 30 years ago.” If it was ‘so innocent,’ or holds less power now, as you’re making it out to be, then you certainly wouldn’t feel like you’re in the hot seat. But you do.
Convince him to turn himself in so she losses that power to do it at the worst time. Rip the bandaid off. He should’ve did that the second he knew he fucked up…
5 kids or not… he fucked up. Just because he let so much time go by before righting his wrong does not make his wrong less wrong!!! 
1 Like
Maybe try to find a good counselor he would like… I am sorry you are going through this…
1 Like
My cousin SA me from.4 to 8 n tried again @ 13 I hate him n have no contact n never will it does something to u. The only reason i know how old I was when it started was I remembered the house n my Grandmother told me how old I was … It jst messes u up. But they have no remorse it doesn’t bother them your the only one with issues tryn to make it thru life js.
1 Like
I’m gonna be honest……
He isn’t sad he did it. He isn’t upset he hurt her. Or he wouldn’t have waited 30 years to sulk and all of sudden not sleep or eat.
He’s sad he had moved on and then she confronts him. He’s sad that he’s caught. He’s playing victim.
Also. She’ll never recover. She’ll never forgive. So him pouting just makes me even madder. He needs to go to jail. He shouldn’t have a happy life and family after assaulting someone who is obviously still damaged 30 years later.
16 Likes
Deff needs counseling
1 Like
As a survivor of sexual assault, that apology means NOTHING! His actions scarred her for life. She will always remember that. It will always be in the back of her mind. She will always have this fear and doubt about men… especially when her attacker was family. Mine was family. In my opinion he told you only because she confronted him. That took SO much strength for her to get to that point! And he’s terrified of that! And he should be! There IS ABSOLUTELY NO JUSTIFYING THIS! Shame on those who say “he was only a teen.” What if that was YOUR daughter!? Would you be saying the same thing!? Are you there 24/7 with your children? You don’t go to appointments, grocery shop, out with family, anything like that without your kids? You know what he’s doing in the middle of the night? Your children never go anywhere alone with him?? Mine happened when everyone was asleep… he snuck into the room I was in…
Take your children and RUN. Seek counseling. Have them evaluated. Do you have nieces? Have they stayed at your house? Your childrens friends?
If he has never had professional help, how has he changed?? How can you be sure? Because he said so? It doesn’t work that way.
And for those saying God forgave him, I’m a Christian. I believe in forgiveness but the Bible also says
“It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.” Luke 17:2.
And I’m not sure what state you live in, but she might be able to report this attack still. And I hope she does.
10 Likes
If the cousin has confronted him recently over it it’s because his actions still haunt her. There is no magic “forget” button where you’ll never think of it again. Instead you think of it 24/7, it can consume you all while dictating what you wear, where you go, who you are around (voices and faces that are similar to your attacker can be a major trigger), when/if you eat, every moment of every day it plays through your mind.
I am a victim of SA starting at age 11. I’m now 31. Time does not heal these wounds and for some time only makes it worse. Someday are manageable and some days you can’t pull yourself out of bed.
6 Likes
could you get him counselling? And maybe they would include her too?
I’m sorry that you are going through this. And especially just finding out about it. I guess I’ll give a different opinion. He was a teenager. And while what he did was absolutely wrong, I don’t believe if it only happened once, that he couldn’t have changed since then. It was 30 years ago. Just like for his victim, I’m sure it stuck with him. He probably tried to suppress it and being confronted by her probably drug it all back up to the surface. When he did what he did he was a teenager. Now. He is a grown man with children of his own, it probably hits him differently now than when he committed the assault. I’m NOT saying he wasn’t wrong. And I’m NOT saying his pain is equal to his victims.
But I am trying to say, that he has grown since then. I’m sure it’s painful to think about what he did, because he knows it was wrong. I’d encourage him to go to counseling. And for y’all to also see a marriage counselor. He didn’t tell you about this, and that would hurt me. Especially as a mother and wife. He has some healing and amends he needs to handle, and y’all will need to heal your marriage as well.
20 Likes
He should be in jail, they’ll get him counseling there and you and your kids can be far far away… How selfish of him to play the victim, as a victim myself I wouldn’t even be able to hear him breathing in my house with my kids in there… you have to protect the kids not him. Pack your stuff, get out of there and call the police
9 Likes
He’s sad because it’s come back to light. He lived his life normally for 30 years while she was going through so much because of him.
He needs to stop playing victim he did what he did. And he can’t fix it now.
30 years is a long time, his cousin has lived with this for 30 years and will live with it for the rest of her life too.
I don’t have actual advice for you as only you can make a decision about your husband and the situation. Goodluck. 
5 Likes
He won’t eat or sleep….good!! Imagine how the victim feels….
6 Likes
If you’re going to stay with him then DO NOT REACH OUT TO THAT GIRL. If he can sexually assault his cousin then wtf makes you think he wouldn’t do it to his children??
11 Likes
“he is a good man”
No, he knows how to fake being a normal person very well.
5 Likes
As someone who went through a similar situation some of these comments disgust me. Just because he was a teen does NOT dismiss the gravity of what he did to the victim. She relives it every day & then has to live with the fact that although what he did to her destroyed her he has gotten to go on & live a full life with kids and a wife while she struggles with it. I cannot sympathize with ANYONE who has done something like that EVER. He only feels bad cause he’s caught up. Cause he knew THEN that he was wrong & was able to escape responsibility for it for all these years & now he can’t & hes scared. Scared that all the lies he’s been living are going to come crashing down around him & I hope they do.
8 Likes
What if this happened to one one your children. Would you be so understanding then?
5 Likes
It was 30 years ago… this man obviously isn’t a sexual predator. Yes what he did is wrong but why would she leave her husband for something he did before they were together? Some of these answers are insane. As a victim myself of rape and sexual assault I understand why she confronted him. Sometimes that’s what it takes to heal but to ruin this man’s family is a little extreme.
Got news for you…he is NOT a good man. He is only upset that it is out, otherwise he would have been upset about it all this time. The poor cousin is the only victim here. Your husband sucks and so do you for even remotely defending him.
14 Likes
We don’t have a complete picture of what was going on back then; sometimes minors act out the dynamics around them in awful ways. Is he taking full accountability for his own healing and making amends to her? Your feeling that he’s “safe”, is it just a feeling, or do you have hard evidence? Is he sincere in his repentance, and ready to pay for her therapy or whatever help he can provide for her healing? How old a “teen” was he? I hope these questions can help you clarify your thoughts. This is a horrible situation for everyone, and I’m sorry you’re going through this.
4 Likes
As a survivor of sexual assault. He doesn’t feel guilty he done it. Hes depressed because now it’s out and people know what he did.
If he did it once he will or has done it again. Guaranteed.
This is the reason I do not trust men around my kids. In all honesty I’d have my own kids checked
8 Likes
By you not even saying the words SEXUAL ASSAULT… you’re making the act as if it never happened. You’re as guilty as he is.
8 Likes
Gotta go flo, go bk to school start planning ur future for ur kids sake.Sorry some men r just hiding bhind a mask.God Bless do talk to her u need to know the truth.But still leave.
2 Likes
They need to go to a Theripist.
2 Likes
Ok, wait, there needs to be more information to decide. You need to know the ages he could have been a child. Some people do what is done to them, so there might be more to the story.
Don’t get me wrong, he needs help, and I would take the kids and go elsewhere, for the time being, giving supervised visits in a public place and getting him in counselling but to post this here and ask for help, you need to provide the whole story. Sorry you are going through this but it’s a big red flag that is for sure good luck with your decision it won’t be a easy one.
3 Likes
Was he acting this way before she confronted him? If not then he’s not remorseful about what he did he’s upset that his actions have come to light🤷🏻♀️
14 Likes
Send him to counseling, you find a sitter and start going back to work. Get yourself UNSTUCK. Get you and the kids out. Would you still say he was a good man had he been an adult and SA a teen or child? Age is no excuse. That poor girl has lived in silence for 30yrs alone and struggling and because it came out NOW, now he is uncomfortable…Because he is caught and KNOWS he is in the wrong and KNOWS it is a justifying reason for you and the kids to leave. He should be in jail. He damaged that girl more than you know. If you stay with him DO NOT reach out to her, she doesn’t need that. I feel sorry for the kids. Hopefully none repeat his behaviors.
5 Likes
As someone who was SA as a teen I applaud her for being able to fiy confront him. It’s been years and I still cannot confront my abuser. I wish there wasn’t a statute of limitations for this because he deserves to be locked up. That type of behavior is disgusting and inexcusable and you should not be trying to excuse that behavior
10 Likes
I would be goin on here asking what to do I would be informing the police straight away no matter what
1 Like
What was done is done go on with your life and pray it get better
2 Likes
He needs to get to a thetapist
3 Likes
Eww. I wouldn’t trust him around his own kids after finding out he did that.
3 Likes
As somebody who is on the victim side of this story myself, the perp has since had 2 daughter’s and a set of male twins… I cry thinking about his daughter’s, wondering if he fiddles with them. I’m sorry this is the man you married, but this is the man you married…
5 Likes
If I found this out about my husband he would be gone. I don’t care what age he was when it happened. I wouldn’t want someone like that around me and especially not around my kids.
6 Likes
I’ve only ever been told by the people who knew about it (slightly similar situation) that he was “just a dumb kid” and that “everyone else is over it so I need to get over it too” like? No absolutely not. There’s no justification ever for anything like this. Especially not “hormones” like in my situation.
5 Likes
This is NOT the platform to ask about advice about a sexual assault that occurred 30 years ago by your husband to his cousin. You are getting ridiculous advice here from people that want to simply crucify his actions when he was a young guy possibly still a child himself. Everyone here telling you to not trust him, etc. Everyone has a story and you now have one. He is embarrassed right now and remorseful! He needs to get some therapy and so do you now obviously.
52 Likes
I’m not here to discredit what happened bc I was not there and we do not have all of the details, but kids starting as young as 7 have been known to experience things…It’s no different with teens. While that’s not okay, but if that’s the case and he’s feeling the way he does, therapy might do some good. If his cousin was worried, they’d have confronted you instead to check on the wellbeing of your children.
7 Likes
I would say he needs to go to counseling. You prob need to attend as well to process all of this. People saying leave immediately…that’s far easier said than done. The frontal lobe isn’t even fully developed as a teen….yes, he did something awful but it was also 30 years ago and we are all very different people as we get older than we were in our teens. I think counseling is necessary to determine if he still exhibits any characteristics that could make him a predator again. I’m sorry, that’s a lot to deal with, and with kids in the picture.
8 Likes
Lèt him stárve🤷🏻♀️ take care of your kids and îgnore him. As a SA victim I can say the ràpists deserve zero sympathy. They knew what they was doing
4 Likes
What he did over 20 years ago ( possibly as a teenager?) Shouldn’t be excused or forgotten, but what caused the action. SHOULD be talked about and dealt with appropriately. SOMETHING caused/brought on the sexual assault and THAT issue MUST be dealt with. Not that this is a reason/excuse for the assault taking place… But had your husband been sexually abused as a child and it affected him so tragically that he blocked it from his memory? Has he/you/she sought recovery therapy to help y’all heal from the tragedy ( yes, it was/is a tragedy) All three of you will be in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless you as you work through this. Please stay safe and healthy and take care of yourself!! 
7 Likes
I mean was he 13 or 19? Did he “accidentally” touch her boobs or he flat out raped her? Huge differences for should I stay or should so go…
This is an extremely difficult situation to be in. I’m so sorry you have to endure this. The first step is to really do some soul searching to find out if this is something you can forgive him for and move past. If it is, then the next step would be to talk to him about it in depth. Find out why he did it, what he was thinking at the time and see if he is willing to seek therapy. Reach out to his cousin and get her side of the story and listen to her thoughts about what happened and what she thinks of him now. Having 5 children makes this a delicate situation so tread lightly. People can absolutely change and genuinely be remorseful for wrong doings. They can learn from horrible things they’ve done and use those things to become a better person. Good luck!
11 Likes
I would divorce him and file an order of protection against him for me and my kids.
5 Likes
Get off Facebook and seek professional help … Other people don’t know jack.
20 Likes
This is a really difficult situation and I would encourage you to all seek therapy as well (and pray if you’re a Christian! Seek guidance from The Holy Spirit). If he has been a good father/husband for 15 years… never shown any signs of continuing this type of behavior, then you have no reason to fear him or hold it against him. People make mistakes, sometimes life altering awful mistakes. He did it once. He never did it again. He is so ashamed and you should have honest conversation with him. Ask him if he ever did it to anyone else, does he have urges to do that sort of thing. Come at it from a helpful standpoint that way he can be honest with you, and you can get the answers you need and heal. His cousin may not want to talk with you or him about it and if that is the case, let her heal how she can. As a SA survivor, I wouldn’t want to talk to him or his family/friends again. But if I was to discover my spouse did something like this in his youth, I wouldn’t be so quick to end our marriage as he has been an incredible spouse/father to our children. I pray you’re able to find peace and reconciliation. I pray against the spirit of depression over your husband, that he is able to forgive himself and his cousin is able to forgive him as well. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s tough but you’re stronger than you think.
It’s easy to judge and give all the advice when you are not dealing with it. I work as a social worker and I work with kids that were the victims of SA and the perpetrators of SA. I have seen people change with the right treatment and plan. Yes what your spouse did was not ok, the way to help is to get him the help his needs, therapy, and have a conversation with your children. You never know but talking to them just to double check wouldn’t hurt anything. When it comes to the cousin talk to her husband first instead of approaching her, it sounds like he came to your husband so talk to him to have an understanding what she is going through and find out from the husband if she is willing to talk to you and if she is not let it go. This is not easy and will probably get harder so don’t ignore it and get your family the help it needs.
6 Likes
I’m a victim of SA. I was raped twice before the age of 20. One of the guys was one of my closest friend and had been for almost 7 years. It took a while for me to process what had happened. I remember him whispering " I love you" in my ear while assaulting me. I called the police and had him arrested. He served 7 years in prison. I have personally forgiven him but I haven’t told him that i forgave him. While in therapy I was taught that forgiveness is for yourself, not the other person. The longer you hold on to the pain and trauma, the more control it has over your life.
I suggest the husband has individual therapy and you both should attend couples therapy.
1 Like
You also have to take into account age if they were within 5 years of one another it wasn’t SA but basic curiosity. Talk to any doctor. If there is more than 5 years difference then he needs therapy.
8 Likes
He was a teen. Was he 13 or 18? Likely abused himself. Also likely learned that was inappropriate and hasn’t done that since. Check in with your kids. He needs counseling.
1 Like
Ladies this is why you should never be financially dependent on a man.
14 Likes
Everyone makes mistakes… there was a lot of SA in my family which led to sa amongst us younger cousins when we were kids not knowing any better, just doing to each other what had been done to us by older family members… I remember not knowing that there was even anything wrong with it or that something bad had even happened to me until I was in middle school watching an educational film about SA in school… because like on TV and in movies everyone is always kissing and having sex ect so I thought it was just how people show effection and I loved my family so why wouldn’t we show each other affection? And I had a very touchy Feely family in general even outside of the SA so it never registered to me as wrong… so I mean who knows why your husband did it or not but he was a child and he obviously feels remorse so I wouldn’t judge him for it. I’d get him therapy and stand by him.
I wonder how long the cousin was depressed over this.
5 Likes
As A sexual assault victim pack your things and get out if he can do it to a family member he can do it to anyone regardless of guilt
6 Likes
Therapy sis, you have got to get him there.
Best of luck!
1 Like
As a counselor. This happened 30 years ago. It’s up to you to decide if you want to talk to the cousin. I don’t know that that is super important at this juncture. They were kids, right? This is actually more common than you would be comfortable to know. Definitely counseling. Him first and also as a couple. I don’t think we need to go off the deep end here and involve the children just yet. Find a good counselor that is non judgmental. But at some point you may want them to check in with one just to cover all of the bases. He is definitely triggered by this and probably has underlying issues that he has pushed down over the years. Ultimately, it’s your decision whether or not to stay in the relationship. However, I wouldn’t make it about finances.
26 Likes
As a sexual assault victim myself id leave. I dont believe that predators like that change sorry but no. My ex assaulted his cousin and then raped me several times and also got violent. People like that are opportunists and can be narcissistic and if given the chance may do it again as well.
Start w/prayer, forgiveness and understanding, start w/GOD
4 Likes
Why is she bringing this up now ? Ask her for forgiveness. It will not take away the fact that it happened .
He needs to see a therapist and work through it.
1 Like
Help him get therapy
He sounds narcissistic to me. He did something horrible. Something that will psychology damage that poor girl for her entire life but he’s the one hiding away in his bedroom not eating. Strange. The only way I’d even consider staying with him is if he’s immediately in therapy. Not just a few days either. He needs long term therapy. Good luck.
8 Likes
How can you even ask omg get rid
1 Like
I’m sorry I couldn’t stay w him. I just couldn’t. That’s a really, really big mistake. A mistake that altered someone’s life DRASTICALLY.
4 Likes
You can’t change what’s past…forgive truly…and move forward
9 Likes
I honestly think he probably needs to see a therapist. Age would make a big difference I feel. was he closer to 13 or 18? And it would also depend to me what exactly he did, whether he really raped her or was grabbing her our of curiosity (I’m not downing her experience either just saying it makes a difference in my eyes) I would also 100% talk to her and let her know you ARE ON HER SIDE HE IS WRONG regardless but if you truly believe he’s a good man it’s going to take a lot to get past this, or it would for me anyway.
And unless you’ve had your kids chat I would not trust the word of your husband too many husbands rape their kids all the time and if you’re too ignorant to believe that then maybe he has a veil over your eyes and this is why you feel bad for him
Also in his defense you need to make sure it’s not a gaslighting situation and be absolutely certain that they did not agree to have sex with one another at this time and now she feels ashamed because she had sex with an older man or not older man who knows and so she’s trying to turn it as a rape scenario instead of so I was a Hussey and threw myself at him and now I’m ashamed and don’t want you to think that I’m a hussy so I’m going to tell you he raped me
People make me sick defending a rapist is not right but going and saying that someone has raped you because you’re a slut and don’t want to admit it that deserves jail time as well
Put a child of your own in the victims shoes if this happened to one of yours today would you not want them to have justice for what someone did to them out of a choice they made to act out on the victim? Even if that meant needing to wait 3o+ years to get his karma? Thing with S-A at any age it’s not something the victims get over or come to terms with it’s something they often need to live with for the rest of there lives and question themselves over and if they ever did anything to encourage the behaviour of someone who did something evil out of a choice. (the victim in this is not the husband or the man/teen he was when this took place…he had a choice to stop 
at any point knowing what he was doing was wrong & please don’t make out that he had no idea what he was doing…as even those at a young age are aware of it feeling wrong but often just don’t have the correct words to express what is going on…
He has had 30 years to apologise and take responsibility for his behaviour but has only said he was sorry once he was confronted by his victim that should tell you the type of person he is…weak minded an only out to save himself he didn’t care about the side effects it would have on his victim or family life down the line if ever it got found out…thing about men like this that makes it’s even more evil they tend to go after the ones they never dream will speak up on what they did to them…how many more has he done this to? If he can lie about something like that for 30+ years what else can he be lying about honestly I could never trust a man under my roof if he was confronted with doing this and ended up being true…he’d be gone especially if there was children in the home or visiting the home…
5 Likes
He needs to talk to a professional ASAP. The guilt will drive his depression. So be supportive and understanding but insist he talk to someone. Otherwise it will just deteriorate your marriage. Good luck.
6 Likes
He needs his own therapist to delve into him assaulting another person. Once he’s worked through that to a certain point then maybe marriage counseling. On top that you need counseling asap. This is a lot to take in and again you have children that need to be cared for. You should speak with lawyer too. You need to be prepared for this relationship to end and at the very least you need to take a break and figure out which way is up. Start figuring how you and the kids will keep going without him. Look at what you need to do to be employable, will you lose your home, etc.
Personally I think he’s just worried that his world is going to be destroyed for raping his cousin. He’s sorry he’s caught not sorry he did it. A good man would’ve handled this years ago. And assault can happen when you’re right there watching him. You. Ring there all the time has no bearing on him assaulting g a child. At the very least you’re kids should be taken to a therapist to determine if they’re ok which I pray they are unharmed.
Don’t talk the cousin :-\ you’re only involved thru the abuser
6 Likes
Eww, some of these people and comments are disgusting.
First: I wouldn’t talk to the cousin. She probably feels some shame and guilt and I wouldn’t address it with her unless she specifically comes to you. Remember she’s a victim and has to go through the process of completely healing.
2: talk to your husband about maybe therapy. Young boys especially teenagers have urges and impulses that they can not always find a correct way to release. Keep in mind that part of your brain isn’t fully developed until 25. That’s not making an excuse for the behavior but that is science.
Remember this wasn’t a mistake and it wasn’t a whoops situation. It was a decision that he made. It was also a decision he made over 30 years ago and you weren’t with him and didn’t know him. Clearly that’s not the person he is. Just try to talk and have open dialogue. Also try to see a therapist.
30 Likes
Why is this not a police matter? He needs to pay for the crime.
8 Likes
He deserves to “be depressed” for what he did. He’s scum and you’re scum for still being with him. It was not an accident and there’s no apology that would make up for that. He needs to be in jail.
How could you even be in the same house as this guy! On top of that your sympathizing for him! He isn’t the victim here… I would divorce that dude so fucking fast! You were married to this man for 15 years and had no idea how do you know she was the only victim, my guess is she isnt!
I don’t care how he’s feeling. Its not about him. He assaulted an innocent girl and you feel bad for him?
Imagine her sleepless nights and lack of motivation in every day life. He’s not sorry he did it. Hes sorry people will find out.
Get your priorities straight
15 Likes
So 30 years ago this happened and this cousin brings it up just now? Seems strange to me.
8 Likes
If he felt that guilty he would turn himself in…
5 Likes
I love how all the diff. Opinions here…id say therapy if you still wamt him!!!
8 Likes
Honestly I feel since it happened 30 years ago before y’all even met just move on from it. He hasnt done anything to anyone since cause he knew it was wrong. If you need to go to therapy. I was assaulted by my brother when we were kids but we got past it and were still close as hell.
14 Likes
He needs therapy. It’s confidential unless he is currently harming himself or others or a danger to him or others
He needs a safe place to talk
6 Likes
He hasn’t actually atoned for what he’s done, he’s escaped justice, whether he’s ashamed or not is out of the question. He’s committed a brutal crime against another human being, that is a matter for the police and for the courts to deal with. I personally could never ever allow my children near a person who has committed crimes like this, REGARDLESS of how long ago they were perpetrated
9 Likes
He needs therapy and you do too… Kids and teens who sa other kids are usually victims of sa themselves. I’m not sure that I’d want my children around him until you get some advice from a professional…
5 Likes
Some of the people on here that answer are so toxic. If he has never done anything like that again he might just need counseling. I too was assaulted by my cousin when I was 11. I lived thru many hard times having to deal with it. My cousin also had severe regrets and ended up going to counseling. If it had not been for the support of my family neither one of us would have survived the ordeal. Sometimes it takes a little compassion to heal old wounds.
12 Likes
The victim deserves to heard…and your husband needs therapy.
1 time 30 years ago…is the same as today. She will never forget or feel completely free bc of what he has done to her.
5 Likes
I’d still have my kids seen by a therapist or social worker just to make sure because if he would assault the cousin he may have done some weird stuff to the kids 
3 Likes
I really can’t believe most of these comments on here.
Ditch the husband. His feelings stopped being valid when he did what he did.
These comments on here sound like alot of the women these days swearing up and down their husband’s are innocent meanwhile daddy was caught on camera in little Sally’s bedroom.
Divorce. Protection order for your kids and have them seen just in case. Rapists are good about hiding who they are.
4 Likes
Just stick with him and support him. Go to therapy/counseling if he is willing to so he can get past what was done. 30 years ago is a long time and it is a little odd it is being brought up now. Can go out to lunch and talk with the cousin if want…or just distance yourself from her. Your choice. It would be nice if him and her could reconcile and forgive and get past it all. Maybe with baby steps…but focus on getting him mentally stable first. Dont include kids for sure. Nothing they need to know.
1 Like
To many judges on here.if you think someone has a needle in their eye you probably have a long in yours
It was wrong what he did, yes it was. But it happened many years ago even he was a teen. He was a stupid kid that did a stupid thing. And why is he being confronted now? Am I condoning his actions? Absolutely not! But he has been a decent man for the past 30 years! He is the sole suppolier of income for his family of 5 children! It just doesn’t seem right.
It took 28 years and many other traumatic things to finally send me into counseling and deal with being raped at 17. It could be a similar scenario for the cousin which would explain her just now confronting him.
As far as you know he hasn’t done anything since, but you’re not with him 24/7. I would talk with the cousin and hear her side of it, and I would talk with my kids just to make sure, and ensure they know they can come to you about it. I would also insist he go to counseling and go yourself too. If he won’t go then then I would probably ask him to leave until he’s willing to go. Either way you need the complete full story. Was she the only cousin this happened to? What were the circumstances? We’re they drinking, drugs involved?
I am just absolutely flabbergasted by the tone of this post!!! The incredibly clear disregard for your husbands VICTIM!! The willingness to stay with a rapist?!? (who is obviously not even remotely remorseful or he would’ve told you BEFORE y’all got married, not when his VICTIM confronted him and he had no choice but to tell you). What even is this??!?!? He is a liar, a narcissist, an abuser, a rapist, and so much more. He is scum. He was a TEEN not a CHILD. Huge difference. He knew right from wrong. I grew up with constant and copious amounts of horrific sexual abuse until I was permanently taken into foster care at 12 and I never perpetuated sexual abuse. That’s such a damn copout. Maybe if he was a young child, but he was a full on teenager. What about her? What about his VICTIM?!?! What about her life?? What about her needs and wants?? You’re going to CONFRONT her?!?! What the hell is wrong with you?!?! YOUR HUSBAND IS A DAMN RAPIST AND YOU HAVE NOT ONLY STAYED BY HIS SIDE AND SUPPORTED HIM, BUT YOU ALSO HAVE ZERO CONCERN OR REGARD FOR HIS VICTIM AND HAVE SO CLEARLY DOWNPLAYED HIS CRIME AND HIM BEOMG A DAMN RAPIST IN GENERAL . That is not his “cousin”. That is his damn VICTIM!!! You’re just as bad as your rapid husband. Absolutely disgusting.
Get that sick fuck out of there. Once u like lil kids, u always like lil kids. You married a pedophile
U don’t know if he’s touched any of his 5 kids.
Shayne Milletics is right.
Maybe she’s the one needing treatment an it’s finally coming out so he wanted to tell you first 
As someone who has both personally been victimized and then in my professional life years later, worked with survivors of abuse, I would first want to be sure we had all the facts. I would want to know: what is the age difference between the cousins, has he ever attempted to molest, abuse or rape anyone else, why did he choose to tell you NOW? Was it because she threatened to go public if he didn’t tell you? Does she have concerns for her children, yours or others in the family? Has he told you EVERYTHING about the abuse? If not, he needs to and you need to hear it. Has he offered to try and make amends in ways the VICTIM would find helpful such as offering to pay for her therapy and VOLUNTARILY (whether she requests it or not) begun therapy himself? Has he begun to recognize and acknowledge the damage done?
I also want YOU to know that stay at home mom or not, your children (boys as well as girls) MAY have also been abused! I hate to say it but I just want you to be aware that the possibility exists! I’d suggest that if at all possible, have friends you trust come get the kids for the night or even several hours and spend some time talking with your husband and ASK HIM OUTRIGHT if he has EVER done anything inappropriate to the children. WATCH and LISTEN because his body language may also be “talking.” Insist on therapy as individuals and, as a couple! Your children’s and your marriage future depends on it!