Something this big needs some professional advice. Counseling for everyone. As far as confronting her yourself, not a good idea. She could have been trying to get closure over demons that have haunted her for the past 30 years. It could have been advice from her counselor to confront her aggressor to try to move past this. He knew what he did was wrong and admitted it to you. You’ve already admitted that you’re happy he’s ashamed and feels depressed. You’re disgusted and angry, but mentioned staying with him because he’s your source of income. You will never forget this information. It has permanently changed the way you feel about him. You can’t put the toothpaste back into the tube, once it’s been squeezed out.
If you want to stay and make it work, you guys need counseling. It sounds as if you would probably leave, though, if you had the option. Would you be staying if you found out he was a registered sex offender and had gotten caught and punished back then? He knew the entire time, and knows he committed a crime. It was with a family member.
No one can make this decision for you. It’s tough and something only you can decide right now. You have this relationship in jeopardy, children to protect, and yourself to protect. You’re not obligated to forgive him right now and pretend nothing has happened. Something big did happen. Even if it was over 30 years ago. You do need to talk to him about it and where you stand right now. He’s withdrawing because he probably feels it’s already over and too late. He definitely needs counseling, no matter what he did in the past, it sounds like he needs professional help. He sounds suicidal.
So, yes, this is a very difficult and sensitive time for all of you right now. First step would be counseling and go from there. He could still support you guys and not be under the same roof, too. Maybe a trial separation. You need communication with no more secrets.
I hope you can get it figured out and make the right choice.
He isn’t a good man. He is a rapist. You leave, full stop.
They both need therapy to help them work through it.
Everyone needs therapy. Have the kids heard this talked about? This is a big deal. You have a lot ahead of you, and there’s lots of groups for support for you online as well so it will help. I’m so sorry you had this bombshell hit your life 
Leave… that trauma is going to be in the back of both of your minds especially if you have girls
Intensive therapy for everyone.
He is a rapist. Leave him.
Counseling for all of you
You all need therapy
I know it’s easier said than done but… if he sexually assaulted her… he’s a rapist. That’s a lot to take on and you have children. You need to go. You’re married so child support and alimony. Stop making excuses for him. And you have no idea if he did it to any other girls. Even if it was 20 years ago. A rape is a rape. Period.
Im wondering what the age difference is between him and her. I believe that when kids act out sexually it’s because something happened to them as well. Don’t get me wrong I’m not trying to make excuses for someone who SA another but given it was 30 years ago and assuming it hasn’t happened since, I would really just suggest therapy for both of them to help them work through it and maybe get down to any underlying issues that may have caused it. Praying for you all.
I think in a situation like this maybe some one on one therapy, couples therapy, and even family therapy.
I don’t condone rape, I don’t excuse it… and I don’t think it’s something that can be let go, but I do see how this situation is not necessarily black and white.
Also, how old was he ? Sometimes childhood trama causes horrible things to happen when we are young. Not excusing him but growth and grace are a real thing. 30 years ago is a long time.
Therapy momma 
and hang in there
And people should keep in mind while commenting that you don’t have to like her husband but this woman hasn’t done anything wrong, so try compassion for her instead of hatefulness.
This has to be traumatizing and so hard. I’m so sorry.
He needs to ask her forgiveness and also forgive himself. You need to forgive also. Seek help. This is traumatizing for all of you.
First and foremost, I highly suggest therapy. He has been forced to faced a very dark time in his past and pushing it down will only create more darkness. Many men struggle with going to therapy, but as a person that loves and supports him you need to insist on it…his mental health is important to the entire family.
As far as the cousin, I would give everyone a moment to breathe. I know the feeling that you want to assure the cousin that you’re thinking of them. Right now, for the immediate future, you need to focus on getting your husband the help he needs. This should be your main focus right now. If and when he gets to a point where you can talk to him about the situation, you should let him know that you want to reach out to the cousin and simply let them know you are thinking of them. I highly suggest a handwritten letter. You should not apologize for your husband - that is only his apology to give. You can say that you are very sorry to hear of what happened and wouldn’t wish such that on anyone…you hope they are getting the help they need to work through the matter and that you are thinking of them.
You are walking a tight-rope and need to show sympathy as though you are not the spouse of the accused. Best Wishes.
It seems like his guilt/depression is because he has been confronted with his actions and you now have knowledge about what happened… idk, that’s a red flag for me. I’m sorry you are going thru this. Therapy is the only way to move forward…
I’d be concerned that there might be other skeletons/secrets that you aren’t aware of.
Keep on loving him. Men can change…
To the karens saying his a rapist do you know the whole story? No then dont judge. She asked how can she help them not saying shes leaving him don’t bash before you get all the facts. I say get them into counseling. Talk to the cousin cause again they were both teenagers and underage. You say you’ve got a good man then be by his side and help him in anyway cause its going to take a long time. And before y’all bash I was raped by my cousins too. I forgave them and have moved on counseling helps and not talking to them is another huge thing. Best of luck and hope y’all get the help and support you need.
Some of you ppl. Seriously.
This man was a child. & Children do things often times what has been done to them.
They both need therapy. & You & your husband need therapy together also.
I wonder how old they were when it happened. Was he being sexually abused as well?? As sad as it is, sexual assult between children family members is very very common. Not making excuses, just wondering the scenario. Just like everyone else has said, therapy.
As all have said therapy for you and him. I wouldn’t get in touch with her as I’m sure that would cause even more assault on her emotionally. Leave it as is and seek family counseling. God bless.
He’s a Rapist… you want to justify staying with a rapist because of money 
. You want to help him? This whole situation is messy and disgusting. He wasn’t sorry and depressed all
These past 30 years right? Y’all twisted
My question is, why did the cousin bring it up now?! Not before you two got married?! Not before you got pregnant with your 1st kid, way before having 5 kids with this man, why 30 YEARS LATER is being brought up?! Why does he feel guilty now?! It is because after 30 YEARS the truth has come out?! Even if you are a stay at home mom, does not mean your husband has never been alone with his kids. I am sorry you had this bombshell drop in your life.
You need to seek help immediately, you need professional help and you need to be 100% honest with them so they will be better at knowing how to help you, help him and your children.
What was the age difference and what exactly happened
He is your only source of income really ? get yourself a job take care of your kids. And you won’t have to worry about having some man have to take care of you . Thats a sad reason to be with someone because they are your only source of income. It sounds like he might be on the verge of break down. If he did who will take care of you then. always be able to take care of yourself and your kids. Without depending on anyone else .
Therapy.
For all of you.
Look, man puts sin on a merit system. God doesn’t. It’s all the same to Him.
If he’s admitted he made a mistake, he’s apologized, he changed, he’s done the work to be better… What else do you want?
You don’t need to talk to her. She isn’t your concern.
As for all you ladies calling him a rapist… Keep that same energy with that touchy Uncle at family functions you make your kids sot around. Make sure you find the ex who laid hands on you and tell his wife… And I can bet, it least 30% of your men have have done what’s legally defined as sexual assault…
Clean your closet first ladies.
This happened 30 years ago? SO WHAT. I can guarantee that assault had an impact on her entire childhood and it is clear it is still haunting her. It does not matter how much time has passed. She was assaulted BY HER COUSIN. YOUR HUSBAND. If you plan to stay you both need therapy. People with those urges do not change, they just learn to control them. I can’t imagine staying with someone after finding out they sexually assaulted another person.
Help them both heal. He’s admitted to it he came clean to you. Stand by him and help him heal. Your going to have to be more understanding now than ever. Staying with him definitely won’t make you a bad person.
If he’s willing to make it right with her, support it. I take my hat off to him admitting it.
It doesn’t matter if it was 30 years ago or 3 hours ago… How can y’all defend someone that SA someone?? 
Everyone is saying therapy for everyone and I agree with that … But as far as you wanting to stay with him really makes me sick … I would never get or stay with someone who is capable of such things … There is seriously no excuse at all to justify you tryna make things work for y’all … He didn’t say shit until she brought it up and now he’s acting like a victim by locking himself away and it seems like he’s only doing it to make you feel sorry for him … FUCK THAT ! Take your kids and leave him
Some of y’all need to understand that sexual assault and rape is not the same. She should’ve specified the nature of the assault if she wanted a fair verdict. Did he grope her or was it attempted rape? What was the circumstances? Age? Not enough info. Ask again with more details.
Depending on the statute of limitations in your state, there could still be legal consequences. With that being said, you now know it happened and are keeping your children in that situation. If the cousin seeks therapy and gives a name, it WILL be investigated. CPS can become involved because he is regularly around minor children.
I think you both should have separate therapists, or at least bare minimum just him. I don’t think you need to divorce over this though if that’s what you’re asking. Sometimes people make huge mistakes that impact other people forever. It doesn’t mean they will do it again though. The fact he was a child I think makes it easier to move forward with. If he was an adult I would think about divorce, he wasn’t though. Either way though this can’t be dealt with without a professional that knows what they’re doing.
Send him to councilling
He must forgive himself in order to receive forgiveness from his cousin, they both need therapy and family support.
Yuck ,I wouldn’t even look at the person the same ,why stay …
He definitely needs therapy to deal with it and heal. Hopefully she is getting help as well. Whether you can get past it is another thing. Obviously I don’t know the whole story or how he acted before being confronted, but it seems his sudden depression about it is more about being confronted with it as well as you now knowing about it rather than having guilt over it because he would have already had that even without coming out about it. That could be an important difference. It could also mean that he had pushed what happened so deep down he didn’t even think about it like it really happened anymore. He could have experienced trauma as well that caused him at the time to think that was ok behavior and it being brought up now could have brought those memories forward finally. Either way, he needs some serious therapy and probably some family therapy with you as well.
There are a lot of different things that come to mind for me…. Like did he know she was his cousin? Did she lead this on and then decide she didn’t want to anymore. You cannot hold someone accountable 30years later without both sides and the truth. You’ve been married to him for 15 years. You have children together and if he’s never done anything to them or even made you or them uncomfortable he’s not a predator in my opinion. If they can be on speaking terms they should go be counseled together so they can work through what they’re dealing with and if they feel they need their crutch “spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend.” Whatever it may be to be there they should
I could never stand by someone who sexually assaulted anyone! He’s probably depressed and not wanting to go out in fear it will go public.
Yuck. S/A is a “politically correct” way of saying he r@pEd her. Why after 30 years is he feeling guilty? Is it because the truth is out and you and the rest of his family are aware of how he is? These guys don’t change. For anyone asking why she waited this long to say anything. Let me answer that for you too. My mother’s ex husband actually sold me from the time I was around 3 until I was 14. It’s embarrassing. You feel dirty and gross. You feel like no one will ever believe you. Get yourself and your children out of there before he makes you regret it. I’m sorry for being harsh but you have to stand strong for yourself and your children.
Glad everyone here is so damn perfect they think they can just assume a mistake someone made 30 years ago makes them a monster still! Cuz none of you have ever sinned at all, no matter how big or small the sin was!! God forbid people change huh? I’m not sure I can handle all these perfect a$$ people that have never done any wrong giving advice on anything!
Seek therapy for you and your husband and decide if this is something he’s sorry for and something you can live with…You know what to do, but asking for advice from people who will shame you for anything you do about it now is only going to make things worse. You don’t need us to tell you how you feel about what has happened! You need to talk to your husband, your kids and a therapist!!
You all some judgemental people considering none of you know the circumstances or their ages at the time. This is between his cousin and him. You all want to hang a person without knowing a dang thing. Could be he snuck a kiss. Could be far worse. Point is no one here knows, so stop judging.
I see a lot of sickening comments about this. Trying to defend him… oh he came clean…. He feels bad…. NO he doesn’t. The ONLY thing he feels bad about is being busted! What is wrong with you all?? Check your closet comments about creepy uncles being around your children??? That’s a red flag on its self. Like seriously are you suggesting that people willingly put children at risk when it’s the actual pedos and rapists that need to be condemned??!! Yes Mary Hollingsworth I’m talking especially about your comment. It’s like telling a girl that was raped oh you should not have dressed that way or he wouldn’t have touched you. No people. No. You keep your hands to yourself!
Disgusting! Absolutely disgusting! I’d be ashamed to call him my Husband and the Father of my children. I hope his cousin has found healing, most people don’t heal from that happening to them.
It would honestly turn me off him straight away I’d never look at him the same again that poor girl 
I’d pack his shite and call it a day no amount of financial support would have me staying with a rapist
He needs to go to therapy.
I suggest therapy for both of you. Don’t let this destroy you.
Sex offenders cannot be rehabilitated imo. He did it to his cousin which is even worse.
Normal people do not sexually assault other people under any circumstances…
This exact same thing happened to me by my cousin years ago. As the CA’s wife there is nothing you can do or say. It is not your duty to check on the woman your husband sexually abused. Trust me, she wants to check on you. 9 times out of 10, this is not the first and only time that your husband has experience this. Therapy for everyone
Your glad he feels bad?
How old was she? Not that it matters too much, but it would make me think
I mean personally I’d leave him 
I think in order to give proper advice people are missing context. Was it an inappropriate touch, an unwanted kiss, she was ok with it and then she wasn’t? Sexual assault can be many different things. Also people saying he is a rapist need to calm down.
Could it of been sexual curiosity between siblings. Thats very common for children to explore sexuality. Counselling will help
Awwww lovely what a horrible situation for your family. Get some help in.
DISCUSTING.
Run and run far.
How old was she and him?
Why is she confronting him NOW? I’d definitely lose respect for him and question a lot. It’s not your business to fix though
It’s a awful situation. Number 1 the fact he doesn’t deny it and feels regret is a step in the right direction. Pray and seek help for u both but don’t reach out for her it had to be hard for her to confront him so I’d step back
Why bring it up after 30 years ago
As I SA survivor. I don’t really have nice things to say. 30 years later he just got caught, or whatever you wanna call it and is just now acting like this? Hell na. Red flag city. Myself and my kids would have been gone. Quit making excuses. He hid it this long. How many others has he hurt? And you don’t believe he did anything he did anything to ur kids? It only takes seconds to SA someone. Middle of the night when everyone is sleeping… I’m gonna stop before I go back to fb jail.
Therapy, therapy, therapy 
. I personally would feel wrong to leave him alone with any kids (even his) after hearing something like this… can he have changed his ways? Yes it’s possible to make mistakes and learn from them. But, that doesn’t change the fact that now we know he’s capable of such an act… I would be torn. I would want to talk to the cousin and find out exactly what happened and go from there. Good luck and prayers 
.
Therapy. You and him. He has probably pushed it down deep for 30 years. Refused to acknowledge what he did. And now he has. And he’s gone and traumatized himself. Get him therapy.
And I would reach out in a text or letter (something the cousin can ignore if she chooses) and just let her know that you support her.
Depending on age he could have been incompetent to fully know what he was doing. A person’s brain isn’t fully developed in the decision making sectors until late teens/early 20s.
If he was a younger teen he may not of fully known it was wrong. Kids experience things and learn from those said experiences.
Also kids learn by example. I wonder if he had something done to him when he was younger than influences this behavior and made it “normal” . Seems from the post it only happened once. Meaning her learned from that mistake and never did it again. When a brain of a young teen isn’t fully developed their not going to have the impulse control as say an adult would.
Also since he’s never broiggy it up until until she confronted him it seems he pushed it out of his mind and forgot about it. This is something abuse victims them selves do to heal from trauma. Sounds oike their both trying to come to terms and move forward in forgiveness.
I strongly suggest therapy for ur husband. And I also suggest therapy for u, the wife. So that u have a safe place to process what’s going on and learn skills to help navigate this situation.
It wouldn’t hurt to have a coffee break with the cousin your self to figure out what happened and at what age. She may be able to give insite to u that ur husband may not be able to give right now. His cousin is a little further in her healing/processing then he is. And it may take a while for him to be able to open up.
It’s a huge step that he actually told you about their conversation and the incident. He knows what could happen and what he’s up to loosing. That’s huge. That takes guts to do. I would respect him for that. Take some time, process it and get some therapy going. Don’t make harsh decisions right now on what ur future holds with ur husband until you have had time to fully process this your self.
As a mom though, please just be cautious and keep an eye out for ur kids sake. Don’t push the subject with ur husband to the point he feels u comfortable but just keep an eye out.
Sending hugs and prayers tonu snd every one involved.
Yeah, me personally I’m gone. I was sa when I was younger and I still struggle with my husband sometimes. I couldn’t, that’s me though.
How tough for all of you. I would definitely seek the assistance of a professional. Even if he isn’t ready yet, you can go. You’re gonna have to shoulder a little more while he goes through the process. You need some support and guidance. And not from the internet. Find a good therapist/counselor. 
It sounds like they were both young …and we’re both learning experiencing things and testing limits and sounds like he over stepped…I personally was sexually abused as a child but by grown man who knew better…not excusing your husband’s behavior but it’s deff something that needs to be addressed and handled if you want too…it’s what I would do to be able to be comfortable with my spouse and learning this fact about him … people grown , change and deff mature…but that doesn’t make what he did right or an excuse…and from experience I know the female has NEVER forgotten and can prob recall EVERY detail…sexual assault is hard and rarely over come…I think the fact your husband admits it and is showing remorse is a good thing and he needs professional help and both of you need to communicate…I don’t usually agree with a women standing by a man that would do something so horrible as to sexually assault a women but I feel as if this sounds a bit like young people testing there limits of sexual curiosity and he did something wrong…I’m sure it’s haunted him…I know certain smells or images send me right back to my assaults…so I’m sure it’s a young stupid ( not stupid as in not important but stupid as in learning about himself,sex,and sex with someone else) but it was still wrong and needs to be addressed for you both to move forward if it’s something you want…I personally think he should feel bad… really really bad…but I also get from the story he was young and has grown matured and turned out to be a decent husband and father…I’m not excusing your husband’s actions but I understand the young inexperienced and excited…men at a young age can be pushy, forceful and nasty…some never go that way some do feel horrible and never do it again and others do it love it and continue to be horrible nasty people…hate to say if but men are usually selfish when it comes to sex…and sexual acts …they think and go for what they want…and don’t care of the other…it sounds like your husband took advantage of a young girl while he himself was young and that’s not ok…but it also may have shown him that it’s not something he liked or was ok with which is why you or no one else has been done this way…if you choose to walk away I’m sure some would understand…I would…and if you choose to stay…I understand but I personally would be more cautious about things…and pay more attention to interactions with females and my kids… but thats me and I would only stay if he and we were willing to talk to someone professional about the past,the present,and how to go about in the future …I think he made a mistake a huge horrible unforgettable mistake and it’s coming back to bite him as it should…he needs to be a man and take action and responsibility and the consequences that come with those actions…even loosing trust with you or even the way you look at him…I personally don’t think I could stand by someone who has sexually assaulted someone but this seems like he was young( again not an excuse but explains the stupidity of his actions) an eager to get his needs met no matter the cost and it sound like he has grown from being that kind of man…the man that sexually assaulted me was found guilty for sexually assaulting his sister…and later on his own 8 yr old daughter…but it sounds like he was a great father and husband and never imagined this kind of thing from him so I personally think he was young stupid and felt horrible about what he did…which is why he isn’t ( hopefully) still doing this kind of thing… hopefully you guys get the help you need and this girl too…being sexually abused/assaulted is a big thing to try and over come and is never something you forget I still think and find things that remind me of my assaults…so this girl will always struggle also…good luck
That’s A LOT to absorb. I have mixed feelings honestly. Like, people say context and age matters, but it don’t. Something unwanted happened and it don’t matter WHY she is coming out now and confronting him. It happened. That’s a fact we know. So let’s go with that.
Speaking for myself, I would have to leave the marriage. As a survivor of SA, it would be hard for me.
Wondering if this was his only situation like this?!
I can’t with this post. Triggers………
He should go to councleing and then maybe the 2 of you should go. Like someone above said to much information is missing to give a best answer
How old were they when this happened?
I just cant wrap my head around the “women” in here condoning this. This is terrible. How could you lay next to a “man” knowing he SA someone else. Age DON’T matter, how long ago DON’T matter, none of that matters. Whatever it was, it was UNWANTED. It’s not ok. Period. I tried to be nice in my last comment, but this whole thread has me disgusted.
Maybe she is in therapy & it came out, it’s a horrible thing to live with for I don’t care for how many yrs!
I was sexually abused from age 16-18. Do you my living situation I couldn’t say a thing & the abuser new it. I’m 68 now & have only told 3 people in my life, confronting the person has never happened, nor do I want it to happen because of hurting his family!
So do what you want with your relationship, but leave his victim out of ALL of this. She isn’t going to be okay talking to ANYONE who is actively and willingly loving her abuser. She doesn’t need to hear how “changed” he is, she isn’t going appreciate your love for him, and there is literally not a single thing YOU specifically can say or do that will help her, it may YOU feel better, but she doesn’t need you to feel better.
I’m sure people have already suggested therapy to her. If she hasn’t done it for herself yet, you are not going to be the one convince her.
The problem is he needs to feel forgiven, and not judged. His victim is not ready for forgiveness, and she will ALWAYS judge him based on that. If he can’t figure out how to move on with the knowledge that this person IS going to HATE him and he can’t fix it, then he is never going to be any better than he is right now. He needs therapy.
Seriously though, his victim doesn’t owe him peace, understanding, or forgiveness. The fact you are staying even though you know what he did, and you are trying to love him harder through it, means you are “on his side” by proxy. Trust me she doesn’t need to hear from you, and she doesn’t need to hear the only thing you can say which is “he’s changed” and “I’m sorry”, and “have you considered therapy”. So if you are staying with him, focus on his mental health and the healing and your own emotions, and LEAVE HIS VICTIM ALONE FOREVER.
This happened 30 years ago & he feels depressed, ashamed now? Really? It sounds to me he’s angry she confronted him & the truth is out. Not about what he did. Why would he live his life normally, not mention it to you or apologize to her until she confronted him if he truly felt bad about what he did? The depression is an act. He’s not sorry. The first thing I’d do is ask him if he has other victims. Ask your daughters if he ever touched them inappropriately. Think back in the 21 years you’ve known him. Are there any girls who suddenly cut off contact with your family? Maybe a friend of yours or your kids. Or a relative you were close to but now they don’t talk to you. I really doubt he just did it once to his cousin. You don’t turn off that urge. It took the cousin 30 years to confront him. Do you want your daughters suffering because they’re afraid to admit it? I’d never leave him alone with my kids. I couldn’t stay in the relationship. Not only did he commit SA but he lied to you for 21 years.
I’d be out. I couldn’t be with a man who did that ever.
U need to check on cousin…she is obviously still hurting from this
All the advice to dredge up conversation with the victim is mind boggling to me.her boundaries were disrespected once.leave her alone if she wanted to talk to you she will.her rehashing an obviously tramatic moment to appease your concerns over your marriage and the possibility your husband is a pervert isnt her job.in certain states there is nolonger a statute of limitations on violent crimes and rape.shes allready done his sick ass enouph favors he isnt in jail.#leavethevictimalone
Never leave your kids alone with him. Its very sad but he knew right from wrong when he did it. Its good she confronted him as its probably been affecting her all her life…there iì s no excuse. He needs theraphy…asap
I would be more concerned with his ethics than his depression, all this time guilt for his actions has escaped him until she finally confronted him, that is selective repression of memory, she is the one I’d be empathizing with, I’d be offering my support to her, you and your kids will survive this, she’s the one having difficulties
This is a lot to process. I’d definitely suggest that you both go to therapy, not just him. It’s not that easy to be like “oh you did this, this many years ago….byeeeee” It needs to be talked about and worked through. It’s clear that he’s beating himself up about it as he should, but you two need to move on, continue to check on her and be her moral support too. Just because she’s just now confronting him doesn’t mean she hasn’t moved on, or maybe she needed to in order to be free (idk how that works, I’ve never been s**ually abused, I apologize if that offended anyone)
Also, you have no reason to feel ashamed, but seriously both of you need to seek therapy.
What 
?? Nope I’d be out! That’s unforgivable. I seriously hope he feels awful but a part of me is saying it’s a show to guilt you to stay or woe is him:roll_eyes:. People like that are manipulative. After knowing that how could you trust him?? I’d worry about my daughter’s and their friends… Everyone saying therapy 
I don’t think anyone who is a sexual predator can be rehabilitated. Id run from him.
Try having him go to a father or a higher up if y’all go to a church of any kind also seek family therapy for all.
There should be soooo many trigger warnings on this.
Tell me if I get this right, he’s feeling really bad about doing it but only after he was confronted about it🤔 30 freaking years!! And now he’s sorry. He doesn’t feel bad about doing it, he just feels bad about being confronted with it.
I have my doubts abut her wanting attention. My husband was sexually abused by his uncle and it affected our marriage. I had no idea this had happened to him until one day it came out and I confronted his mother because she knew about it and said nothing .they wanted to hide it like it never happened and it needed to come out. He needed help with it for years. because he suppressed it and it affected his life in every way. so it was brought up about 30 years later and it does not matter if it is 30 years later . It happened and that person who did it needs to pay the price. Because that person ruined someones life and affected other peoples lives for their selfish acts.
I would talk to him…was he SA? Therapy is a must…first him…then you both…then maybe family together.
I personally would leave him. Why is he so depressed now? Why is he so sorry NOW?
Tell him it’s time to deal with it. Therapy, apologize, whatever. Pull up his big boy pants and deal with it. Why is it just coming out now?
Ok. . A lot of things are missing in this case. How old was he when this happened? Was he going through mental illness and now it is being treated? Or was it just something that he did and now he feels bad about it?
All I can say is to PLEASE leave the victim alone. She confronted him to help herself heal. Don’t interfere with her healing process.
You need therapy to process your feelings and emotions in a safe place. He needs therapy and admitting he is guilty isn’t going to absolve his crime against her, I don’t care how bad he feels. His cousin needs therapy (if she hasn’t got it already) and I hope she is healing from her trauma. I personally couldn’t stay with my spouse if he had committed SA on someone. He waited years to say something and only admitted it because it was brought up. I also wouldn’t allow him alone with my children, it is your duty to protect them.
Sometimes I feel like these posts are completely fictional stories… Are these actually real? FFS!
As a person who has been SA I say leave her be…she said what she needed to say. That was her moving forward and trying to let go. She doesn’t need your help or his… when things like this happen out of the blue usually it’s part of the healing process. Just leave her be… if she is going threw therapy I’d offer to pay for it other than that no other contact… as for you and him… y’all have spent the past 21 years together… do you trust him? Do you believe he is a different person? I’d have a talk with my children and not directly say has your dad hurt you but say has anyone ever hurt you or touched you? And ask frequently not just once and done… it may take more than once tell them and checking with them to get comfortable enough to share… and this is something I do with my children on a regular basis just bc I don’t trust everyone in this world and you never really know what someone could do bc you would never in a million years think the people that did it to me would have…. You and him need therapy tho… if you love him and truly believe he has changed then work threw what you can and see if he really has changed. Idk what else to tell you really
This is missing a huge chunk of info and I think it’s intentional. What age was he and what age was she when initial abuse happened?
This is another one that needs a country on. It’s hard to give information when it comes to laws.
He’s admitted it. if she’s confronted him now she might be considering pressing charges (which is clearly her right. He took her innocence and did god only knows what at god only knows what age… that poor baby 
)
If your in the UK and she does that he wouldn’t be allowed to live with you and the kids. If you deem him as been totally safe social would then look into you to ensure your children’s safety.
He would need to be supervised at all times with them kids.
I’m sorry but the only one I feel for is the cousin. He wasn’t upset when he was abusing or and doing god only knows what to her, at god only knows what age.
I was abused as a preteen. I spoke to somebody about it at 20, reported it a few weeks/months later.
Your life might completely change, it’s scary that legal action hasn’t been mentioned. The amount of reoffenders in the peadophile community is terrifying, you need to be very careful. Being abused as a child destroys lives.
I’m sorry for the journey you might be starting, I’m sorry for the cousin and wish her nothing but light and healing.
I hope the abuser is experiencing exactly what he’s subjected her to for decades
I was SA almost 7 years ago by my brother in law cousin. I still don’t attend any of my nieces or nephews party’s, any of their events or holidays. He and his wife are always there. You don’t know the emotions and shame someone whose been there goes through. I blamed myself for many years. I have accepted it wasn’t my fault and released the anger, but I still can’t look at him. His face disgusts me, just thinking about it makes me sick. My sister told me I was asking for it because I was intoxicated. Their family sees it as if I wanted him to touch me too. Leave that woman alone. You want to stay with him then stay, but don’t go telling her how he’s changed, what a good man he is, yada yada… who he is now does not affect what he did. And if he was really sorry he wouldn’t have waited to be confronted to apologize. He’s not sorry for what he did to her, he only feels sorry for himself and the situation HE is in now.