What should I do about my controlling husband?

Im married for 9years this year. I love my husband alot, but i dont know what to really do.

I dont do wrong and dont intend to do so, but he is always accusing me. I f he see a male contact on Facebook then automatically im having something to do with that person. I had a pic of me and some work friends from 1999/2000. Was post as a memory. Now he saw that an is acussing me with this guy, sombody i haven’t seen in years.

I love him too much, i asked him for us to get councelling maybe that will help, he says me no he is not mental. I even considered divorcing him but my heart wont let me go further and he says me he will not divorce me.
Currently we are separated for 3 month. I have a little gal thats getting neglected cause of his imature behavior.
He don’t want me to work, then he fights and behaves like this and dont want to provide for the child saying im doing wrong and making it difficult for the child. Please can sombody help me with going forward. Im a total emotional wreck at the moment.


It sounds like your husband is cheating on you. You need to start working to provide for yourself and your daughter, only contact your husband if it concerns your daughter, and file for divorce. You deserve better.

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It sounds like this might be the end of your marriage. He’s gaslighting you big time, and that’s not right. On top of that, he’s harming your child to get back at you? He sounds like a vindictive, narcissistic jerk and you’d be better off without him in both of your lives. The love you feel is relatively normal, you’ve been together for years, but he’s not the person you thought he was. It’s okay to mourn what you had with him, but for the sake and possible safety of you and your child, it sounds best to start the process of leaving him entirely. Please, please inform someone about what’s going on as he sounds like he may have the tendency to become violent on the idea of you leaving him.


You need to get help for yourself and the child because he hS beaten your self-esteem out of you with his actions. He is a narcissist and he feels everyone is in the wrong and only he and his thoughts are right. Do you really want your child to think that what is happening is the right way toive. Go to a women’s help center, take him to court get a court order that he has to pay child support and support for you. Get yourself some counseling so you don’t let this happen again. You deserve to be the beautiful person you, I am betting he has alienated all your friends and family leaving you alone without a life line. Please for yourself and your daughter don’t go back and reach out and get help

I had a very insecure husband. He was always insinuating or accusing me an extramarital affair. And he always had a comment on what I had on even when no skin was showing. If I looked in 1 direction too long, he had to look and please don’t let a man be in that direction. I became anxious when I left the house for fear of what he was thinking I was doing. I finally realized it was his own past that haunted him. So I had a serious conversation with him. First I informed him that I was trying to get into heaven just like him. Then told him that he he really believed and trusted in GOD, he would not think the way he does. And Love is trust so how could he say he loved me but did not trust me. Lastly I couldn’t continue to live like we were. He finally admitted to his fears and promised to change. So far I have seen some changes for the good. I’m gonna keep praying.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What should I do about my controlling husband?

Its cause he’s doing it and it will never change


I feel like there is more behind it honestly but with him not wanting to go to counseling and try to help the situation for you guys then that says it all girl. If you have a child involved think about her first. Dont put her in any situation she shouldnt be in or see. She dont need to grow up and be with a man that treats her the same way

Sounds like a guilty dog yelping :smirk:

You both need to grow up and you need to leave. He’s undoubtedly cheating on you.


Just divorce, your daughter doesn’t deserve his abuse

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My expirence is if they are accusing you .he is the one doing it but sorry I find it true my ex always though I was…but he was doing all along …

If you are separated he can’t stop you from working. Do what you have/need to do for that precious baby and forget about him. Show her she doesn’t need a man to be happy and that when she is with one, she doesn’t have to put up with his behavior, that she is better than that ans deserves better than that. You have to set an example for her. I’m sorry your marriage is at a rough point but that rough point doesn’t change what needs to happen for her. In my opinion run while you can and do what you got to do to keep baby girl happy.

If he accusing you of something, more than likely he’s got a guilty conscience. Sounds like he might be cheating.

Sounds like his guilty conscience is getting the best of him and he’s projecting what he’s doing on to you.

Guilty conscience. He will be cheating on you & trying to turn it back on you!


Move on u loosing a chance to me the rite person

He’s never going to change it’s a horrible way to live I’m speaking from experience do urself and ur daughter a huge favor and get out of the relationship u will do her and u more good by taking that step I wish u both the very best

Cheating definitely… been there … just leave


He’s a narcissist and you need to run want to control you in every way possible and then they turn it around and make you the bad person you need to run as fast as you possibly can and don’t feel bad about it.


hes walked hes the one doing it all and blaming you making you feel ugly hes the one making excusrs

Take him on the #SteveWilkos show.

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Hè is a very narsistic person
You Will never meet his imanary standarts
My advice
Go a Live for your zelf
Hè is not worth IT
And you dont need him as An excample for your little girl, how man should act with a woman


It is usually because he is doing it and he thinks accusing you takes the light off him.


He’s cheating is it possible for you to hire a private investigator


Regardless of why he is untrusting it is his responsibility to control his own emotions and not project them onto you. You can not force someone to change. He either wants too or doesn’t but you can’t manipulate him into being a better person. Your options are to continue to go through the abuse ultimately showing your daughter this is normal behavior and she will find a man just like him or leave. There is no in between. If you can’t do it for you do it for her. Bc this is her future if you continue to expose her to this “love”

Coming from someone who has been through this, get a divorce, it will only get worse… I ended up being verbally, mentally and physically abused, when I finally got away and divorced him, our daughter told me how proud of me she was for leaving… u and that baby don’t deserve it, and if you stay then it will start to affect the baby… get out now before anymore harm can be done

I love how nearly everyone says he is for sure cheating…. Girl they don’t know that and it’s a terrible thing to assume. He may he may not but let’s not talk as if it’s facts.
On another note. Be best to leave. It is not healthy to stay and you’re creating a situation for your child as well. Get yourself ready to be independent. Get a job (who cares what he says r u kidding me). This is a way to have control. Get a job, and get out! And see how things go from there. If the space your in now is causing him to be negligent… then prepare urself for the same attitude once ur gone. That’s too much to deal with!

Well you’re already separated so why not just go on with the divorce if hecisnt willing to do counseling, he sees no issue with his behavior. Which means he isn’t going to change said behavior. So he says he won’t divorce you, you may have to get a lawyer but just because he says he’s not doesn’t mean a judge won’t grant it to you. You may love him but love him from a distance don’t let your daughter grow up thinking that is how a man should treat a woman because then she will date toxic possibly abusive men as well. I’m sorry you have such a hard decision to make but sounds like it is what would be best for you and your daughter.

He’s doing what he’s accusing you of? You have a child. Do you want him to witness his dad’s behavior? Your child has feelings. What is he feeling? You have to do whats best for your boy and yourself. I think you know what needs to happen. Dont let your husband pull you down. Its affecting your little one.

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My now ex husband was this exact same way. 12 years together 10 years married I had to walk away. It wasn’t worth the stress to stay. I felt like a prisoner in my own home. I was not to have friends, no job but he also didn’t provide me with cash. Everything had to go on my credit cards and then he made the minimum payment. When I finally left I was in so much debt. I would walk while you can! It isn’t healthy for you or your daughter. Sending hugs :heart:

Divorce him. He’s controlling. Girl go be independent! You got this momma :grin:


If your posting this on here you already know what you need to do! You know its not rocket science. Hes manipulating you, gas lighting you and is obviously narcissistic! This is not love by any means! You let your daughter grow up in this environment and shes going to think this lifestyle is ok and keep the cycle going! You need to divorce him asap! Not to be a biotch but eff your feelings, those went out the window once you brought a child into this world! She is now the only thing you need to be concerned with, period!!!

Sadly the one whose accusing is the one who is doing wrong! He also sounds like a narcissist and you should be grateful that you and your daughter got away because it’s not going to stop! Best of luck to you :smiley:

That’s not
true ladies. My bf accusing me of looking at other men or talking to them on fb .I know he is not cheating. So not all men that accuse are actually cheating. Some are insecure or have been cheated in the past and hurt badly

You don’t throw away your marriage.work it out. That’s what wrong with all marriage today .everyone just walks away. I see people married 3 or 4 times now a days . Its insane.

Get out of the relationship while you can. He sounds like a narcissist. You should not be so naive. Do your own investigation. He might be the one having an affair and want to keep you home with the kids, and is going to continue to accuse you until you do what he says. Don’t give in to his stupidity.

Find a Bible believing church and some Christian friends who will give you support.

What would you say to your daughter if she was saying this to you? That’s your answer!


I agree with the narcissist comments. I was married to one. Who blamed me for doing things that he was clearly doing. He will continue and trying to change him is not going to happen with him. You have to be the change. Love yourself and your little one more than him. Life is too short to lose precious time not being happy. Leave and make a life for you and your little one so you can be happy and show her that this is not the way a woman should be treated. The saying do as I say not as I do is not how children learn they learn by watching their parents, and if you continue it’s only going teach her that its ok to be mistreated. As a mother of a daughter I put her first to give her a chance of breaking the cycle and not repeat it. Good luck to you.

Nine times out of ten he’s the one cheating and makes him feel better to accuse you.

Run away from him. He’s never going to change.

Sounds to me like he IS a cheater and this is deflection! :thinking:

Get rid of him before he hurts you

I agree. With all comments. He won’t change.

He’s cheating on you, I was married to the same for 6 years. Trust, he’s in the wrong somehow…


Get out and divorce…this is not good what so ever. He is not putting effort so you need to stop this while you can!!!

He clearly dosent gaf and is busey doing other things
Yall wont b his priority for much longer. He will get used to u letting him do all this and eventually leave on his own
Its better u leave b4 he does
Get a divorce because you and your daughter deserve better

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That’s abuse. Stay away and get some help yourself


Please watch this video it helped me in so many ways.

Giant red flags!!! Been there controlling narcissist. Dont walk away run!!! Your child will suffer big time get you and her into counseling. Yes your heart may hurt but itll heal. What hes doing is abusive and you need to get out of it asap!

Think of what you are exposing your child to! She will grow up thinking that this is normal.

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IMO the accuser is usually the offender


Girlll u need to run to Denmark. Far away from him


Girl please listen to all of this! I know it will be easier said than done but do right by your daughter otherwise she will grow believing this is how a man treats a woman!
Teach her to be a strong independent woman and not “need” a man to get by in life! Lead by example for both you and her! :heart:

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I’ m feel sorry for you, I went thru the same thing. We ended up divorced!

Sometimes you have to do what’s best for you and the child. Sounds like a long as he can control you is the only time he’s happy. You control animals not people , its not love that he is displaying but control. He’s not in love with you and couldn’t give a hot damn about your child because if he did he would be willing to do what ever it takes to make sure you don’t want or need to leave. But for me I would divorce him and move on with your life.

Time for a divorce! Look up, narcissistic behavior. He is controlling. That’s not love!
Usually if the person is accusing… they are the ones cheating. If not, then it’s his own insecurities.
This is not fair to you.


I had a similar situation where I had someone constantly telling me I was doing something wrong when I wasnt. I couldn’t even answer the door to the delivery guy if we ordered food without him accusing me of things. He told me I wasnt allowed to work. We planned to get married and start a family but I hit rock bottom with him and realised I couldn’t spend the rest of my life living like that. I got away and left him. He went crazy and he tried to make it difficult for me to leave. But im so glad I did. I got my life and my health back. It’s not easy and he will make it hard but i honestly think leave him. You have to ask your self the question can you spend the rest of your life living like that? If the answer is yes then try to resolve things. If it’s no then make plans to safely leave the marriage.

Get away now. That baby will think what he’s doing is ok and she will let it happen to her. That’s abuse and only gets worse. I did it for 10 years


Ones that act that way are doing wrong themselves or has.


File for divorce and take him to court for spousal support and child support.


Take control of your own life…

Get a job…
.set up child care…file for child support…and probably divorce …dont just boo hook and ask for advice that you wont follow…if you dont respect yourself…no one will…

I lived like this for way to many years. The one to accuse is usually the one actually cheating but they want to make it your fault. Get out now while you can There are many types of love and this one is not worth your self worth and esteem. I was married for 17 years with him for 19 and he decided he wanted to get divorced, I too suggested counseling and he told me I was the one who needed to be fixed not him yet he is on his 3rd marriage. The best thing I ever did was accept that it was over and move on with my life. It’s very freeing to realize you don’t need the negativity in your life. I wish you the best of luck and hope you can find happiness without his controlling ass.

Find a better husband
Sounds like yours is a major dick, you deserve better

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Stay gone, don’t go back!!

Tracey Shank Staley read this n than some the comments

Me and my husband have a 11 yrs relationship. He used to accuse me too. To the point they he makes me believe it’s real. One time we were in a club dancing, we’re in the second floor. We were just standing on the railing watching people dance on the first floor and he said a guy took his phone out to take a selfie and that I posed for the photo like if he was taking a picture of me.

I never saw the guy he was referring to, I never saw anyone trying to take a picture, I didn’t pose for any picture. He says I did and to be honest that he would appreciate if I’m honest. I keep saying I don’t know what he is talking about and he keeps saying I did it.

On another occasion he came home and I wasn’t home. He said he came home and he saw me hiding from him so when he got home I wasn’t there because I hid from him.

I too don’t know what to else to do. If I mention anything like we can’t continue like this why you accuse me he says I am looking for excuses to leave him. That I might have someone else and that’s why I’m looking for excuses. Then he says you don’t need excuses just tell me.

It’s tiring dealing with someone that don’t trust you and not only that, but that sees thing that are not real.

He is not cheating, he works from home and don’t leave the house for anything not even haircuts. He cuts his own hair. But he is very insecure.

You wrote the post…you know what best for u & the child…don’t waste anymore time…not love…toxic

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Most of the time when they accuse you they are doing something.


Narcissists are terrible leave now it will only get worse

I lived in this kinda situation for 29 years it only gets worse. I divorced him and it was the best thing I could have done. Trust God to see you thru.

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Prayers for you to be strong…you dont need this for you and your daughter

He doesn’t want u to work because u may become independent. This is part of the issues he has. Control is a big factors. This will never change it will only get worse. Try to see a woman’s councilor. They will help u if u decide to leave. It helped me so much. Good luck. Change is scary, but unhappiness is worse.

Sorry, have you ever thought the person who is accusing you is actually the one doing the wrong?

He’s cheating on you. If his first immediate thought is you’re having something with another guy it’s because he’s got something going on behind your back


Stay separated. Trust me, mine was the same way….he picked me up & threw me on the ground 3 weeks ago. Now I have a pfa & am happy.

Take your child and go it’s not gonna get better start over it will be hard at first but will be better before something worse happens

I would say leave for good. But that’s what everyone says when they’re on the outside and sees something like this. You need to sit down and really think about life and if you would be happier if you separated for good and if there’s even a chance of going back before the control and accusing. Only you know what the best decision is for you and for family. Praying for you!

Is your heart more for him then your child? I know tough question but u know what u need to do…hes suppose to be an adult, the child isnt…its not fair for your child to witness this behavior…like everyone has commented and I agree…it will only get worse, and your child will think its normal. How many more yrs of your life do u wanna waste on a narcissist? Plz move on and get your child away from the toxic behavior…the courts will make him pay child support and probaly spousel support also…good luck and god bless :pray::pray::pray:

DIVORCE, usually the accuser is the one being unfaithful and I very seriously dout this is ever going to change, he is who he is and he refuses counciling and you might want to explain that counciling is not for " crazy " people it for people with problems ( like him, he’s a problem) Please think of yourself and your little girl. PLEASE, that little doesn’t deserve this and neither do you. Do you really wanna live the rest of your life like this, seriously :pensive:

Did u ever think he’s got a guilty conscience cause he’s running around


Narcissist! He want to totally control you! Run now because sometimes they become violent when they’re not getting their way! I was there before.

He sounds exactly like my ex-husband. I left him when I was unemployed with a 4 month old. Best thing I ever did. I raised my son by myself with no help from him and I don’t regret a single second. IM me if you need to talk. I’m always here.

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The cheater is always blamimg the partner, hes controlling u so u dont find out.

My experience is, when they are accusing you of cheating and are jealous for no reason, they are the ones that are cheating.


I feel comfortable saying 99% of the time the accuser is the one cheating.


Unless he gets some help you need to move along


Not cheating he needs to get some mental help this is on another level iv been dealing with it myself

Usually a person acting like that is the one cheating

Leave, Leave, Leave!!! Plse ma’am

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Stand on your own two feet straighten your crown on your head whip your tears from your face and go get yours!!! Screw that…dont ever let someone treat you like you are less than them. Married to that crap 10 miserable yrs and now im rid of that. They never get any better and if its not physical abuse now…it will be. What he is doing is mental/emotional abuse manipulation and gas lighting!!! Run sister…run as far as you can…your daughter will thank you later. Your strength speaks louder than the abuse.

What are you waiting for exactly? Life’s short go and enjoy it and I’d put money on it he’s always accusing you cause he’s at it sounds very insecure… go forwards if life never back

:triangular_flag_on_post: run as fast as you can… while you can

He’s insecure about himself. He could also doing something behind your back… it’s just going to continue until he fixes his own issues

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Make plans to leave with your kids with you…before it becomes violent…

Do u and your family a good thing, and GET OUT … u are separated and he can do what he wants, but so are u , so get out, get work and enjoy your life!!

He’s cheating on you that’s too insecure, also he don’t make any sense, love can make you blind baby girl run…

He’s accusing you of what HES doing. Leave now, get into therapy.


Go I did best thing I ever did an it’s about the child now