What should I do about my mother in law playing favorites?

My mother in law favors my husband’s sister’s son over our daughter ever since they were born; he’s 2 weeks older than my daughter. My daughter always gets the short end of the stick. Example: he got a gift from my inlaws for his birthday party and a gift from them on his actual birthday, all my daughter got was a smooshed up $5 in a card at her party and not even a phone call on her actual birthday. She has slowly started noticing that he gets more than she and I are at a loss for what I should say to my daughter when she questions it, she’s 5. my hubby has talked to his mom several times about it, but she just keeps playing favorites. I’m worried about what they will do for Christmas. His dad is a trucker, so he’s only home one day a week and says he’s not aware when this stuff happens but that she’s not doing it on purpose. My heart just breaks for my daughter, Can someone please offer some advice and some encouraging words for this mama


My mother in law is the same way with my son. But I tell her like it is and nothing changes

Honestly… I’d buy a gift and say it was from them, I’d tell them I was doing it, and that I was doing it so she won’t feel less loved by them. Bring the lesson home to them and spare your daughters young heart. If they keep it up she’ll form her own opinions and views and you can help her cope with the favoritism and let her know she’s still everything to you. Just right now she’s a bit young to feel that kind of hurt, so spare her from it even if it’s not fair that they’re not doing their part for her.


I have no advice but this started when I was 6, and I remember every instance, and it still hurts. I am very bitter towards those people and chose not to be around them as I got older. My mom always saw it and said something but it never changed. Only thing I’ll offer is, if she chooses not to be around Grandma, respect her wishes. Feeling insignificant and like you’re not good enough has a lasting impact

Stop bringing her around them 🤷 if your mother in law cant love her grandchildren equally than just stop bringing your daughter around. At the end of the day the only ones who feelings should matter and who you need to protect is your daughter, its gonna destroy her when she picks up on it so just avoid that heart break and have your own xmas without the MIL and if she asks why just tell her nicely that you didnt want to bring your daughter around someone who loved her less and when your daughter is old enough to understand she can make the decision if she wants her in her life or not 🤷

Ok, not cool, but how is your relationship with her? Im super close with My mother, and was super close with My maternal grandmother, i don’t think shes playing favorites on purpose…maybe its just who she closest too and feels more a connection too…js

Talk to your MIL yourself or have your husband talk to her. If she continues, don’t continue to subject your child to it. However, I hope you’re teaching your child that “things” aren’t as important as love. Do the grandparents show love and affection toward her? If so, that’s what matters.


Don’t let either receive gifts until she treats them equal.

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I have to many grandchildren so i rather not buy nobody so i dont favor them i dont like that either its not right

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She will never change. My mother plays this game too. She favors my youngest over my two boys and my brothers two boys it’s sad really. But we just make sure they all feel loved and equal with the rest of the family. You can’t change someone… It’s so sad…

My EX MIL did the same crap to my kids from a previous marriage, soon they became old enough to decline visits and or participating in ANYTHING that envolved her.

My mother inlaw plays favorites it drives me nuts! She says she loves her daughters grand kids and can careless for my daughters. The only difference is my girls were 15 and 25 and they were on the phone listening when she said it!! They were devastated. So was I. She was being mean to me I kept telling my husband , but he thought I was lying. So one day I told my daughters to listen to my phone call with her. And we got a rude awakening :flushed::hushed::face_with_raised_eyebrow::rage::face_with_symbols_over_mouth::triumph:
I put her in her place and had words with her. But my kids heard it come straight out her mouth and That was it! My heart was hurt for my girls and myself and my husband!
Funny we dont have any holidays or get togethers with my husbands sister and her side of the family. Mother inlaws suck!! Now that my daughters are older they ignore her ways and forgive her foolishness! Cause I’ve raised beautiful kind daughters❤

My grandparents did this, both sides. Nothing either of my parents could do to stop it. They refused to see that there was an issue even though it was so blatantly obvious. We just grew up thinking we were less than our cousins. It still continues now. :woman_shrugging:t2: just gotta teach the kids to not let it get to them.

I was going to say, maybe spend the holiday with your people? ? Maybe , sad as it sounds, maybe your daughter will have to speak up for herself. We had this issue, and my gd spoke up for herself, and it has gotten better, but, it’s still not 100%. So, biting the lip wont really work. Lol.

Tell her Life isn’t ever equal or “fair” , start getting used to it , and laugh about the aunt being a cheapskate


That sounds cruddy of your MIL and I totally know what it feels like to get the short end when it comes to “favorites”. You can tell MIL you notice the difference she treats her grandkids, but you don’t have to do more than that when it comes to her. You make sure you show your daughter that you love her so much and she comes first in your household. Continue to love her and cherish her, we can’t make other people treat our kids as special as we treat our own :blush:


Your mother-in-law is and evil bitch you should say something to her she knows what she’s doing she don’t like you

Honestly, my kids never noticed if 1 got more or less then their siblings. I raised them to be grateful and gracious for whatever they received.

I sit and tell her what she does is hurtful.and her grandaughter notice it and it makes her feel bad and ask her is she cares and there’s your answer and she not will I g to change hate to say toxic is toxic and your child should not have to deal with petty stuff like that poor baby ot give her a old tomatom change or dont come around

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I would have a chat with her and if she kept doing it keep your child away and dont invite her any more


I personally wouldn’t even let her sting the grandma. What you not gonna do is hurt my baby feelings I don’t care who you are. The hell with her and them $5. I hate when people do that to children

Talk to your child and explain to her that people can freely decide what gifts they give. This is a life lesson. Life is not fair


My girls are now 20 and 26. Same happened to them growing up Cousins would get extravagant gifts while they might get a t shirt. They’ve never been close to her even to this day. Her loss. I always felt sad for them because my parents passed away when my first daughter was an infant so only had my in-laws who did nothing with or for them. :cry:

Quit interacting with the MIL until she straightens her self out and make very cower to her why you’re doing it

If your child is noticing make it a teaching moment. Let your child know that the behavior isn’t a reflection of them, but of the grandmother and you aren’t sure why. Your child will encounter many situations where life just isn’t fair and there are no explanations or blame. Teach your child grace.


The whole being a trucker and not being home is absolutely a cop out excuse for not knowing how his wife behaves trust me he knows he just doesn’t want us to deal with her or the problem at hand. When someone who plays favorites among kids it definitely makes things difficult and uncomfortable to say the least for the adults but it can be extremely hurtful emotionally and psychologically to the child or children getting left out. The problem needs to be dealt definitively and I think you need to be the one to do it. Mother-in-law’s are always going to do more for their own children and the children that come out of their daughters that is just the way that it is unfortunately. Daughter-in-laws come second and the children that come from the daughter-in-laws are second. trust me it’s annoying and it pisses me off. you will definitely looks like the beachy sister-in-law and daughter-in-law but you need to put your foot down both with her and your husband because he is somewhat condoning this and allowing it. You need to tell your husband that he needs to tell his mom that if she does not start trading all her grandchildren the same and doing the same for all of them then he will not go over to her house any longer and neither will his kids and wife because his kids are not second-class citizens to his sister’s kids. Don’t send any pictures don’t answer phone calls cut off all communication and tell your husband to do the same for like a week to two weeks and see if she gets the message and apologizes for her behavior if she doesn’t and this continues then you as her daughter-in-law you need to have a conversation with her and tell her that is pissed does not change she will not have anything to do with your kids because you are not going to subject them to feeling less than for anybody. Leave the ball in her Court if your husband does not have your back then maybe you need to get a different husband🤷‍♀️ or you could do it the less competition away and just buy some gifts for your kids and say it’s from them so they feel like s*** about themselves. ( your in-laws)

I’d just get my baby something extra and give them the credit but only if my child has started to question the favoritism. I know it’s very hurtful for you as a mother to feel your child is being slighted but you can’t change people just always get a little something extra for your child. I’d only say something once to any relative or in-law…screw em.

I would rather not have my child around someone like that…so I would not invite her now be ard at Christmas time when the other child is there… You have to be your child own advocate…stop it now before she does see it

Dont speak bad about the in laws to your daughter you get her the best gifts and everything else they lack…Trst me when I say she will tell them when and where to get off when she’s old enough to let them know she’s been paying attention and there actions were leading up to the day were she’s going to make them feel the way you felt having to watch the mistreatment her words to them is going to cut like a sword on there hearts and it will feel like you won the lottery because you didn’t have to say one word or influence your daughter’s opinion and decision on how she’s been and being treated…my daughter’s about to be 17 valentine’s day she let her dad and family have it about 4 months ago at a gathering when she was done I politely wished everyone a goodnight and exited the event his mom in tears sisters too his dad embarrased look on his face priceless… dont hide the gifts always show her so she can prepare herself for not just the in laws but everyone else in life that try’s to go there with her…good luck…

My mother in law same way. She use to tell my daughter from a very early age that she was acting ugly, all my daughter heard was that she was ugly, she would run to her closet whenever shed come over. I said huni why you hiding from grandma? She said mommy grandma thinks I’m ugly. Well she never told her that again, but the bitch never apologized for hurting her either. The woman always acted like the sweetest thing in a room full of guys but in a room full of women was a snooty bitch.

I’d set my MIL straight the first time she did it, not my husband, I would be the one calling her out…she won’t ever be accountable if she isn’t put in her place…might sound kind of bitchy but she wouldn’t try it again…Nobody would hurt my child

My grandmother played favorites. There was absolutely nothing I could do to be treated the same way as my cousin. She was her favorite in every aspect and it showed and hurt so bad. I really don’t have advice all I can say is that I feel for your daughter. You can’t make someone act the certain way. You can’t always get on your husband about it because he cannot change his mother and it will only create tension. At the end of the day it’s your mother in law’s loss and not your child’s . She is the one missing out on their relationship.

My MIL favoured her daughters children more than her sons, and was vocal about how in her opinion she thought my kids needed a good spanking and how I should do that… I didn’t have a problem with my kids and wasn’t going to smack them for her benefit.

Moreso, she idolised the two girls more than the boys four boys. One girl mine, one the sister in laws.

The thing is you can beat yourself black and blue that it isn’t fair, and it isn’t… You can feel sorry that the same love isn’t shown all ways… But you can not make your MIL change. You are only going to become more defeated and worn out… Somehow find a way to look past this for yours and your child’s benefit… One of the best things someone ever said to me in life was ‘one of us has to step up and be the better person, the adult in this scenario’. Let that person be you and shine shine shine.

My children are all adults now, left their narcistic father who learnt his traits from his parents. My kids are more like me and I shine shine shine. We have empathy.

And MIL has tried all the underhanded twisted allegations, blackmail, and manipulation to win back her grandkids, but it fell on deaf ears as they are adults now, they know how they were treated and they don’t have to be demanded and bossed around anymore. As adults they get to decide… It totally backfired on MIL later on in life.

Shine shine shine

On mother’s day, I would buy my daughter a card and put that crumpled-up $5.00 bill in it and let her hand it to her Grandma.

It’s the thought that counts, be grateful!


Fvck her. And start teaching your daughter that they’re are people in her life that will matter and some that won’t. A woman who obviously cannot appreciate her granddaughter/ your daughter…is obviously one that doesn’t matter. She can’t manage a phone call to say happy birthday to her? Yea, that’s when you just walk away and don’t concern yourself with her, instead of keeping your daughter there to see the difference in behavior, all to be “polite” and “be civil”. Yea, fvck that. People stay in painful and torturous situations for the sake of being civil and polite and what a waste of a short life! She has a mama that obviously loves her and hopefully a father that sees what’s going on and will understand you stepping back from his mom for the sake of your daughter. Be strong, be firm, but break that hold before your baby girl gets bigger and it really ends up hurting her.


I can’t offer advice because my mama did this with us 4 playing favorites and now does it with the grandchildren and to this day she still denies having favorites.

I think from a grandmother’s point it’s sometimes easier to be more involved in a daughter’s kids then say your son as their mother isn’t your daughter and it’s easier to step on toes ets… Eg my mother has sometimes taken my kids places and just tells me she’s doing it, whereas my brothers children she doesn’t feel she can just do whatever with them as she doesn’t want to upset his partner at all. (Hope that makes sense)
If you sit down with her yourself and explain your daughter’s feeling a little left out and she doesn’t change then I wouldn’t be inviting her to anything.

Chose to remove her from your life or except her behavior. You can not control how people act only how you respond


Tell her he is “special” and needs extra care

Two things confront her mom to mom then let her know that her only grand daughter noticed and is confused about the difference so you would like her to explain it to her with both you and her son your daughters father see what she does lastly do to her what she does to your daughter make her feel how your daughter feels leave her the last invited to something get her dollar store gifts while you favor another family member

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This may sound crazy but hear me out. You ever noticed that in some families the grandchildren are closer to the mom’s family? Especially if there is tension between MIL and DIL. The grandmother may really have no ill intent. Maybe she just sees her daughter’s child as more accessible to her and an extension of her. Your child, even though it’s her son’s, is an extension of YOU. Ok I said it was crazy…but I’ve seen it before. I would suggest spending more time with grandma and working on the 2 of you developing a strong bond. Now I could be totally wrong. Granny could just be a horrible person. But give her the benefit of the doubt.


I would say something my mom did to my husbands mim who favored my son over my daughter because my husband adopted my daughter who was a baby she didnt know she was adopt til we got divorced at 14. I would say it nicely or ask her why it is.

I have 10 grandkids and I can’t imagine being this unfair. But, I would just explain to your daughter that grandma loves her and gifts don’t equal love. Maybe nicely talk to your MIL?

I deal with this as well within my entire family !!! I hate favorites so much bc of it !!! Pulls me away from them all for sure !!!

Since he’s 2 weeks older, I’d call her the day after HIS birthday and push for equality for her birthday. I’d call every day until you were sure Grandma was fulfilling her obligation as a grandparent. She’s being a snot!

You cannot control anyone else.

You have a couple of options. One you can make more of an effort to get your daughter closer to her grandmother.


You can make an effort to pull her away so it doesn’t hurt so much.

Either way, give grace and realize it’s not about the kids. It’s more about her and maybe her relationship with the adults in the situation.


Speak up & tell your MIL like it is & don’t hold back.If your daughter is starting to recognize it then she might be able to understand you when you tell her how granny really is & has her favorites.Been there done that with my kids but I tell them how it is & as they got older,saw & recognized how things were they don’t worry about it anymore & just keep moving on & let MIL know that she is doing wrong & that her grandbaby has caught on & will remember the evil you have done & how you treated her

my mil is the same thing. i just tell my son it is not his lost if mil does not like him and treat him differently. I show him that there are a lot of other people who loves him like my parents. I dont teach my son to love relatives that dont want them because you are just going to set him to be abused by this so called relatives. its been 3 yrs since i let my in laws near me and my son and our life has never been more peaceful, happier and better.

You arent going to change the grandmother so dont bother trying. Focus on your daughter and make her birthdays and xmas So joyful she wont even notice how crummy her Five dollars is. Also, a good teaching opportunity about gratitude despite the lack of equality.


I was in this situation. I told my husband HE could tell his Mother about herself OR I would. I added that no one would like it if I had to take care of it. Things were rectified rather quickly & we went on to have a wonderful relationship. A little backstory. My very own Grandmother was absolutely horrible to me. My Dad had finally had enough and lost his shit on her. My Mom had tried to handle it to no avail. My Grandmother actually shook a National Enquirer in my face (an inch away) and told me she hated me in front of my best friend & 2 cousins. Our relationship never really existed. That’s why I was adamant my child would NOT go through years of hurt feelings like I did.

Your child is already noticing what is going on, best thing to do is talk to her how some people are just mean!! Don’t sugarcoat it. Don’t buy gifts and pretend they are from grandma, that can backfire on you as your daughter gets older. You don’t want to end up being a liar in your daughter’s eyes and that can end up happening if you pretend that all is great with grandma!!! In the end it will be grandma’s loss and not your daughter’s!!


Believe me your daughter notices. My mil did it to my daughter and she still at 30 wonders why?she was cruel sometimes to her and I would keep her away from the mil. As an adult we can say it was her problem.

Reassure your daughter no matter how others treat her be it family friends stranger her parents love for her is unconditional and everlasting. You can’t control your mother in law actions nor her feelings but your examples of being a loving person will instill the values and morals she should have

I experienced all that and told my children to love their grandma no matter what but we need to distance ourselves and need not compete.instead give granny the things she can’t and if she refuse then it is still ok.no need to argue and still best to teach children and nurture them to become the best of their character. But as a mama ,I did taught my children not to expect but.A strategy is somewhat applicable in times like this.inlaws does not like their grandchildren when they do not like the mother.if you can just be cool about it.try to be the one who gives.reverse psychology tricks.

Stay away from them my in laws did that to my kids I ignored it and now that they are grown talking about in their late 20s these kids they preferred ignore them and dont even remember their grandparents Birthdays I’m not happy that’s happened to them but like they say you raise crows they will claw your eyes out thank God my kids never wanted for anything but yes they do notice

Dont concern yourself with her teach.your daughter that there are odd ball people in the world this women is one of them if she cant.be bothered with your daughter you can.play that game too. Just.love your daughter all u can never mind this women good luck


Shame on her!! I would walk away!! It’s her loss!! Your daughter will be better off!!


I’m I have been in same situation for 18 plus yrs smh…they will nvr change even when you say something smh. Eventually as they get older it’s their choice to go to Christmas or any family functions. But ya I feel for you it sux watching it :cry::broken_heart:

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Cut them off,BOOM! Bye negativity and toxicity!


I personally experienced this as a child. It is extremely hurtful to show favorites between children. You don’t take out your anger and resentment on a particular child because you’re mad at someone or you’re too immature and just can’t control yourself. Children cannot articulate how they feel when they are being treated this way, but they see it and feel it. In a way its emotional abuse. Intentionally inflicted upon a child who has no way or means of defending themselves. This type of behavior has a major impact on a child’s self awareness and how they feel and see themselves around other people and in social settings. Its a deep cut that never heals. It’s a huge hit to a child’s sense of security and feelings of inclusion. I grew up with self doubt and low self esteem because of this. Unfortunately, this sticks with you no matter how hard you try to get over it. It’s always there lurking in the back of your mind. I’d have a family discussion (all parties sit down together) and if there isn’t any progress, a mature discussion and apologies given…then there’s your answer.
I’d walk away. Cut off the interaction to save the repeated hurt and rejection. Sounds like the FIL is afraid of his wife, hence the “I don’t know this is happening” bullshit excuse. Just because they’re family doesn’t mean you have to subject your loved ones to cruelty and out right meanness.


You can’t change the partiality portion of GM. My own mom does the same. So change your outlook and simply avoid interacting. No talks can induce fairness in her.

Don’t worry my daughters 13 and would live $5

Sadly this happens to often… stand up for your child , or stay away the MIL. just doesnt care.

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This is a. Grown ass woman She Know what she Doing piss me off Dont. Force a relationship on her Me. I would not let nobody intentionally hurt my kids trust me ur. Baby know

Just tell your daughter the truth when she asks. Carefully explain to her that you don’t know or understand why her grandma treats the cousin better and that you wish she was nicer to her. Don’t be angry in front of her but certainly don’t make excuses for the grandmas behaviour. If it’s been brought to the woman’s attention and she’s not changed her behaviour it’s only going to get worse so you should prepare your daughter.


I think this is some kind of sickness,u can’t change grannies and it’s unfortunate that u hv to experience it through your mother in-law but it happens so fortunate enough we saw it happen growing up that’s y I would not jugde mine even if she was doing cs that’s how most grannies are they always have their favourite.i say this bcs I hv 2kids n 1is her favourite she can even use her last coin just for the favourite to be happy.i Don’t think she hates her she’s just not the favourite one n it’s not easy but she loves her m sure of that

I’ll let my child know the other truth in the world, and that is not everyone will like you, will support you, will believe you and will care for you. I will teach my child to be acceptable with the things that do not meant for him. And most importantly, I will assure him that my love is bigger than anyone’s love that he can receive.

Well… maybe she doesn’t need to know Grandma at all. Stay away from her…and keep her away from your house. If you husband has a problem with keeping her away… well he needs to fix it.


Favorites happen whether we like it or not. I feel like the more they see the child the closer their relationship will be. That’s usually how any relationship is. You see someone often enough, you get close to them


My “grandparents” did the same thing to Me. I was the kid that got a broken hair pin or one pair of underwear that were 10 sizes too big from someone else’s pack (one of their multiple gifts) it hurt but My Mom made up for it and she didn’t force Me to be around people that treated Me like shit and I love her even more for it!

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I can’t even imagine doing that to my Grandkids? I doubt I would even show up at her house for Christmas. Yes it’s about the thought that counts, but this is uncalled for!

Stop comparing.
It is not a competition.
It just makes you look jealous and bitter.


Slowly drift away(had to do that) for the best!(favoritism, hurts) n not putting up with it!(they’ll get the message) only my opinion!

Perhaps, give your daughter gifts in grandmas name or slip more money in her card, xx

Forget your mother in law. Teach your daughter that some people are just messed up and there is nothing you can do about it. If they are that bad then keep them out of your life regardless of if they are family or not. Just make sure she knows how loved she is by you and her other family members.

I have this issue too feel for you

Your little girl doesn’t need that. Surround her with friends that love her . I’d his family sucks, stay away and make your own family . Get hubby home and out of the truck x

My ex mother in law did the same with both my children, never baby sat them or took them out for the day. Yet her daughters children she did everything and did the school run and had them over for weekends etc. My children were better behaved and polite and always respectful. They had less than £5 spent at Christmas/ birthdays as she left the prices on cards and presents.
We made an effort with her and always respectful with her. I never bought gifts from her but made sure my children had all that they needed. They were surrounded by friends that treated them like family so it didn’t make a difference to them. Fast forward to them now being adults, it doesn’t bother them that she made very little effort with them , they have no relationship with her at all as they got fed up of making all the effort and couldn’t get the time of day from her.
It’s not just about gifts it’s the time and love you give.
I find making the effort and giving your love and time to children is way more important. All my grandchildren are treated equally, I don’t have a lot of money but they all get the same amount of money.
Don’t cover for her that gives a child a false image of a person and kids aren’t stupid. But I think you ll find most mother in laws favour the daughters children over the sons.

I wouldn’t let it happen. My ex mil used to do that to my oldest in front of her three younger sisters and i told her if she cant do the same for the younger girls then she dont need to do it at all. I cut that crap in the beginning and when she tried to in front of my ex husband and his girlfriend he went off on her straight up telling her to stop playing favorites and she did. I cut her out of their lives for doing it because it’ll mess with the littlest ones minds that they’re not good enough. The kids are happier now because they know momma and daddy treat them all the same.

The same happened in our family, one side favoured my step brother over me and my sister. Me and my sister were wise to it in our teens and as we’ve grown up to do our own thing, he’s still in the same town, unemployed with kids and another on the way leaning on the same family members who favoured him back then.
Moral of this story is, if you raise your child right you get to spoil your grandchildren, spoil your children and you will raise your grandchildren.
It used to bother me growing up, I felt undervalued and pushed out, now I see how pathetic he is as a ‘man’ and I’m greatful that feeling alone growing up helped me grow emotionally and my independence is outstanding :nail_care:t2:

I think you should not expect anything from grandparents for birthday. Seriously. And we wonder why people feel entitled?


It looks to me that the mother in law is stepping in for her trucker son being absent from his sons life. She feels that her grandson needs more attention because of this. Now is the time for you to teach your daughter that. Show her that her father is present in her life, that is all that really matters now.

I went through this before. I stood up to my mother in law. And I made my daughter understand what was going on. She was very quite at the time. But when she was older she stood up to her grandmother. After that they were the best of friends and I got the respect for me and my daughter. Also my daughter does hair and make up. When her grandmother passed she did her hair and makeup. I did her nails. Who would have thought in her end it would have been my daughter and me making her beautiful for her home going. STAND UP FOR WHAT IS RIGHT!!!

Question your or your husband’s relationship with his mother chances are its not a good one and she is not sure how close you want her to be to her grandchild,she knows her daughter.you she may not be sure about, maybe based on past issues?.

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Honestly you should respond with, to be honest with you I don’t know why you should ask your grandmother,) with a cuddle at the end. However a child will always remember who spent time and effort on them. So you can enjoy then best and great rewards that come with it and unfortunately it will be your mother in law that will miss out.

Dont invite them for birthday christmas fk them i would


Tell her the truth…don’t invite her to your daughters bday parties or anything else pertaining to your child…toxic people hurt children…your daughter needs to know her worth as a human being…that kind of behavior will make a child feel less than, and will always be looking to please and find approval,only to be let down…cut that nonsense off right now…your daughter deserves better


As any normal parent would do is to protect her child. If it’s noticeable I’d of said something too💯. Especially she’s 5, and kids don’t just make stuff up at that age. If I were you, if she wants to keep doing it then she doesn’t have to see her or be around her. Family or not. I wouldn’t put up with it. No kid should ever have to feel less loved. I was one of those kids when I was younger. Both my Grandparents on each side favored other cousins. It’s not right. And it effects you emotionally.

I’d make it up to my kid in my own way. Without the grandma or my kid even knowing. If you did that every time your kid probably wouldn’t give a shit because your daughter will be looking forward to special coming after grandma screws her. :slight_smile:

My grandmother was like that… my mother told her there are 3 children and they all get the same or nothing.

Call her out and stop exposing your kids to that or stop going. We had a step grandma like that. Went for holidays for years but one year she got a hair up her ass and told us kids we needed to pick less expensive gifts. We already were starting to notice the difference in treatment. My mom went off on her and that was last holiday we spent there.

Have you spoken to your sister-in-law? Maybe she would be a useful ally

Show your daughter she’s your favorite. Be careful not to speak in front of her as she may not even realize how she is getting shafted. You may also want to speak with your mother in law about how you feel and how she may make your daughter feel she may not realize what she’s doing. If the cases is that the cousin is the favorite nothing you can do about it but you can advise the mother in law to fake the funk! For the child’s sake- do it in private!!

I would say oh well. I wouldn’t let it get to me. I go through the same thing with my family & I dont really care lol. I dont bother with them. :woman_shrugging:

No child should have to feel this. I’d leave the in-laws out of your life. I went through this with my in-laws. She had 4 sons and the other sons were her favorites and she passed that down to the grand kids. We stopped visiting.

Honesty is the best policy no matter how young she is. Someone toxic shouldn’t be around your kids because they could say something to her to hurt her one day. Maybe Christmas away from grandma will teach grandma you mean business. Maybe other holidays too. Then maybe you’ll see a change or maybe she’ll keep doing it but you will see where her heart is. Goodluck :confused:

I think YOU are making the big deal out of it, but if you want to get MIL’s attention…stop inviting her to YOUR parties and so on. If she asks why, tell her till she treats the kids somewhat equal in the gift department she’s banned from making your daughter upset. If the hubby doesn’t see it ,then he’s ignoring it or you making a mtn out of a molehill. Decide which it is and correct it, be loving, this is your daughter’s grandma.

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Maybe he needs more than your daughter does. I have one who’s father is locked up, I do a little more for her, not because I love her more, but because she needs it more.


It happened to me as a child, & it’s happened to my children, the difference between how my parents handled it & how I handled it are completely different. I did what my parents wouldn’t, & completely cut my children off from those people that treat them different. My children in my eyes are missing nothing, except for the mental & emotional anguish keeping them around would have caused them. We are responsible for teaching those around us how to treat us & our children, & I personally will protect my children from anyone who makes them feel as though they are less loved by someone for their inability to separate their dislike for me from my children. My children will not suffer for their immaturity.