Have you actually had the conversation with your in law? I think you should start there. Express how you feel it’s unfair and try to see why? There has to be a why. At the end of the day that’s your child. Whether she feels love by grandparents or not, I’d make sure she feels it ten times more from me as her mother.
I hear this often and it is sad. It was done to me by my grandmother and my mil did it to my kids. It’s sick. I can remember the feeling I had when she walked in with gifts for my brother and sister and nothing for me. This happened all the time. I blame my parents for not saying anything to her. My mil did it to my son one time, I gave her a look and quickly left. She knew what she was doing.
As someone who’s mother in law has openly done this…The best thing you can do is let it go. You can’t control how other people treat your children. As long as your daughter is Loved that is what is important. Teach your child that it’s the thought that counts and that some children don’t receive gifts at all. I have been where you are and it’s horrible to witness it but your daughter will see how YOU respond to these situations and figure out her own relationship with her grandmother as she gets older. At the end of the day what is most important is that your daughter is LOVED not what gifts she is given.
Toxic. Cut your ties. You dont have to subject your baby to this negativity.
I would buy a gift for her on behalf of them. Once she old enough have her thank them and hug them. They will get the point.
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Mom and dad buy her Presents, better than grandma. She’s petty, grandma…
I have this issue with my own grandparents … they favor my 2 children over all their other great grandkids… and I have this issue with my own mother she favors my 2 older children and all her other grandkids over my son … I think the best thing you can do is talk privately with your husband about it and also just tell your mother inlaw straight up what you have on your mind …
You’ve only said what has been given. How is the love? What about quality time from her? How does MIL treat her? My son was his father’s mother’s favorite, there were about eleven grandkids and a couple of great grands before him! She lived in Alabama, us in Texas. People have favorites, I spoke to my son’s father about it because I didn’t feel comfortable with this. I didn’t stop my son from seeing her when he could. They simply adored each other. She’s gone now and he has his memories. She loved and showed all of them love. But she would verbally say that he was her favorite.
By noticing it you are enabling your daughter to also take note and therefore sow the seeds of resentment. Teach her to be super grateful for anything at all she may receive and to be happy for even a phone call. Never compare because that leads to envy and hatred.
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I grew up in a smiler way. I learned to see people for what they are and who they are buy the way they are… She will see it also and be stronger and better because of it… Life is not fair but we don’t have to let it change our good heart. We just avoid people that don’t have one.
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Dont go to Christmas with that side of the family this year.
If spending the holidays hurts your or her mental health then it’s not worth it.
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Cut them off this will have damaging effects if you keep exposing her to it. My MIL favored my daughter over my son as she is her only granddaughter. I gave every gift back until she understood either she will gift equally or not at all.
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Dont be around her. If she cares she will change and treat them equal if not then your daughter isnt missing out on much 💁
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Cut contact until she can stop being so selfish.
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She is only aware because you’ve made her aware. A five year old doesn’t notice that stuff. It’s not even a sibling. Teach gratefulness and it will make the situation easier…
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My MIL did the same thing. We dont associate ourselves or our four children with her anymore. She hasnt seen our children in almost six years. Whats the point?
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This has happened to me but with my older brothers. I just explained sometimes people dont mean to do things or even if they do, that its a them problem. My babies know they’re amazing because I tell them every day, so they know its not their loss. They are surrounded by heaps of people who love and care about them anyway, and they’re the only ones who matter.
Cut em off. That’s really all you can do. Protect your child’s heart
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She knows what she is doing and its awful!
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My aunt has done this to me since i was little. My mom told her “you either treat them the same or you won’t see them again”. But it was between me and my bro. It still happens but i have no choice but to let it go
My sister had this issue with me nephews, the grandma always favored my little nephew and not the oldest, they are brother for gods sake. My BIL told her that she has to buy to both or nothing to either. Since then they both get the same. And my MIL prefers my husbands kids from his first marriage, our kids do not go around her, they do not need that
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At that age they do notice. I would wrap extra gifts and bring them to in-laws house just in case there isn’t the same amount of gifts to open as the other child. Problem solved and I wish I had thought of this before.
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Gram is an over grown ass-hole!
I agree with Samantha PattenSamantha cut contact until she stops being selfish! This is not right it does make you mad
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They would be cut off and forgotten🤷🏼♀️no if ands or buts. I don’t do the favoritism shit at all. Either treat them equal or get out of our lives. Kids don’t need to be made to feel less than because of some stupid adult.
My dad’s parents did the samething to my brother and I. I grew up hating his family. I am not almost 30 and I don’t talk to them at all. I would cut them out and move on and enjoy the other family that are there for your daughter.
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Contact me🤷🏽♀️:
Nip it in the bud. This world is already such a foul place the last your daughter needs is to feel less than bc your mil is a dumbass. Anyone in their right mind would underatand how that child must feel .
Why don’t you pick her up something she likes. Or even paint her nails to make her feel special
There’s nothing worth doing. Communication is best for everyone. Talk to your mil if that doesn’t go well wait until your kids bring it up to you. Have the talk with them. Hug them a little tighter and give them some extra love. Don’t go out of your way to go over there. Take care of your family and screw the ones missing out
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I am going through the same. There’s nothing you can do. I have stopped allowing visits. My ML favors my husbands middle daughter and forgets all about our youngest daughter. She only asks about the middle child. Never the youngest. So we stopped contact. I know it sounds silly on my end but I will not allow my child to feel unwanted by her own grandma. It’s not fair.
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I would not give my child her gift, life’s not about presents it’s presence in my opinion
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My mil does this and my kids are grown now. We distanced ourselves many years ago. Unfortunately she doesn’t have a relationship with many of her grandchildren and 2 of her sons. She doesn’t understand why but she favors one son and his child and everyone sees it.
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My sister had the same problem.
MIL favored my nephew and not my niece. About 5 years old my niece started to realize this, just like your daughter.
They lived in different states and my sister stopped making an effort to take the kids to see her. She would send my nephew birthday and Christmas presents but not my niece.
My sister started giving my niece presents from the grandma that were actually from my sister.
Eventually the grandmother faded into the background.
It is.
It is extremely vicious and sad when grandparents do this to innocent children
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Before Christmas make it clear to her that if your daughter is treated any differently than the other one and that is for say gifts and so forth that will be the last Christmas birthday or anything she’s invited to do not ask your husband for permission just have him stand there and daughter smile then make sure he backs you up and say these are the differences so maybe she hasn’t realized what she’s doing but if she sees what she did about like what you had just said then she knows and if she really doesn’t care to see you guys or her granddaughter she will screw that up but I also would take an extra gift for my daughter and put it in the car in my bag so that if she gets a crap like maybe something stupid and the other one gets a bunch of gifts there’s some things for her to open so she doesn’t notice and gather up the stuff nicely tell them thank you and leave and then the next day let her know you’re not coming back and she’s not
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Cut them out. I did the same thing to my mom. She favors my oldest over my youngest
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It’s not right by no means. I hate it. And my son was the favorite. My other two were left with nothing. It hurt them so much too. She only wanted my oldest I had to finally put a stop to it and make her take the others in between or he couldn’t go! But she was mean to them so I stopped it all. She died two years ago. My stress is GONE!
Now, my mom… my brother has always been her fav. His daughter is the favorite with my mom and now her toddler and infant. My kids are shit out of luck all the way around. I’ve hated it for them all their lives. I make up for it the best I can but I know it hurts them. They’re teenagers now and they ain’t afraid to speak up either. My daughter did the other day to my mom about her feelings towards it all.
I always thought the daughters children especially daughters daughter would be more connected to the grand mother but NOPPPPPPPE!
You can’t really do anything. Bring it up and I’m sure a fight will start.
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I would say call her and tell her what you and your daughter are feeling and tell her it is no longer acceptable. Tell her if it happens this Christmas then you won’t be spending time with them where gifts are included! List her make the choice so it doesn’t come between you and your husband!
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My mother in law is like that. I’m so sorry your sweet baby is having to experience this. Myself I’ve cut her out of our lives as much as I could. I don’t go out of my way for her or to see her. If my girls ask for her then i make the effort but they don’t ask for her because she doesn’t even try to come see them or be apart of theirs lives. Took along time for my husband to notice her behavior but once he did he felt so bad he didn’t notice ealier.
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Talk to her about it or cut them out of her life.
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Buy a standby gift and if your in-law is a dick again you give it to your daughter from them but that’s it with including her in shit. Don’t keep exposing your daughter to that she’s going to think she’s second best.
Oh hell no. I know keeping the peace is important, but so is your child’s mental health. Refuse to go too her house or received the gift.
This happened to me when I was a kid
Pray and ask a God to order your steps with this issue. People act the way they do at times and there is nothing we can do about it. The Mil is showing how she feels naturally trust me. Love 
your baby even more and show her that you and God will show her love no matter what. Don’t worry about the Mil. 
This is the one thing I can’t stand…favoritism…that is not right so I would cut her off if I were u
If she has the nerve to do that you should have the nerve to 
it.Not fair for your daughter.Tell her face to face if she doesn’t stop it.You willCut all communication with her.She knows what she is doing.Stand up for what is right!!
I wouldnt get her shit either see how she feels.
Then keep your daughter away period!!! Like my mother in law once said, she is sure that her daughters kids are her grandkids but not sure about her son as it can be someone’s else
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I’m very confrontational and Mama Bear like so my advice for you is to call her out on it and don’t be afraid to do it in front of everybody. Honesty pu5 her on the spot and you’ll find out real quick if she’s doing it on purpose or not. Then I would tell her if it continues to be such that she won’t be allowed to see your daughter and then just focus on you, your husband and your daughter.
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My dad’s parents did this to me. They favored my older brother. I noticed at a very young age, much like your daughter. Because of their behavior, I never wanted to be around them. As we got older, my brother became much more aware of the favoring, and even he stepped up and said something. My mother would have phone conversations and sit downs with them before big holidays to make sure we were treated equally, but it never helped. They refused to come to my wedding, sent back the RSVP 6 weeks before and my grandmother said “I’ll have diarrhea that day.” When my brother got married, he didn’t even invite them, and they were so hurt and angry. He said “if you wouldn’t go to Kelly’s wedding, why should I invite you to mine?”
They both died in the last 5 years. They died alone. Lonely. Their favoritism shut everyone out. Maybe explain to your MIL that the real consequence here is her granddaughter will never want a relationship with her.
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I’d tell her off… I told my mom off and not to fken do that! But she doesn’t do that anymore cuz she’s got my 2 oldest and my sisters 2 oldest under her roof now. I never notice anything playing favourites anymore… so I’m happy and kids are happy
My ex MIL did this to my 2 boys. One got $20 after I told her that we dont pay kids for good grades…the other got a $1 .My oldest is now in his 30’s and still gets mad that it was put together and split on something they both wanted. Just try to not call attention to it and then just sit her down and explain that you arent sure why she does that. I gave her the best gift…I divorced her son. She happily died when she found out I purchased I purchased my own property and built my own home. They said I would be living under a bridge homeless.
She’s definitely doing it on purpose.
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Cut ties with them. As someone whose went through it my whole life with my fathers side of the family it sucks ass. Once I cut them off I had a lot happier life without them and they haven’t asked about me once 
I went through this too. It hurts, but i don’t think there is anything you can do. I wish i had some encouraging words for you. Your mil will be sorry one day, when her grandchild doesn’t respond well to her.
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I wouldn’t have grandma in my daughter’s life if she isn’t gonna treat them the same.
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Tell her how you feel. And make sure your husband backs you up. If she doesn’t realize what she’s doing then you need to make her. And if continues then stop going around her.
Cut her off and tell her till she can treat them both equally there want be anymore chances of seeing your daughter.
Mothers are just closer to their daughters which ultimately makes them favor the daughters grandchild. Her daughter went through labor not her son.
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Guess who should be stuck taking care of grandma when she needs diaper changes then? Not you.
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Nothing is worse then a child feeling like they arent good enough, will mess with her head and if they arent trying to change then distance yourself and daughter!
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I would talk to her about it in front of your spouse and father-in-law. That there can be no word twisting and your father-in-law is made aware of the situation.
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She wouldn’t see my kids and I wouldn’t accept another gift. She can either treat both the same or see neither. My moms parents treat their sons girlfriends kids like they are blood. So i made the choice for them to not know my girls. You either treat them all equal or you dont see them at all.
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It’s simple. People that treat you unfairly or are toxic to you, don’t belong in your life. I don’t allow the favoritism to be played among my children and it teaches them not to allow people to mistreat them. They know and notice how they feel when things are said and done. They’re not stupid.
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My mother does this with my youngest son, because he looks like his bio father. She has always singles him out, compared to my other kids. She lives with us, so I really can’t just cut her out. I have spoken to her about it, and she swears she is not like that. He is 14, and he notices every day. I don’t know a solution. I wish I did. So sorry tour child is experiencing this.
I would just cut her off, and let your daughter know she is loved so much by you and dad and everyone else
I’m sorry if your daughter is feeling like her grandmother is playing favorites ,I don’t know the circumstances but I know I do more for 1 grandchild than I do for the other 3 .Its not about favorites .He is an only child ,my daughter is a single parent and me and my husband are his only grand parents - My other 3 grand children have a very stable home life and 3 sets of grand parents that they receive from.Again not sure what your situation is .
My grandmother did this work all of my cousins and myself. The eldest child of each of her 3 kids were her favorites. I think she lovedus, but not sure if she liked us.
Tell your daughter to ask grandma… Maybe if its coming from her grandma will stop.
Be thankful she got $5 when in reality she didn’t have to give her shit. 🤷
Just don’t come around as much. See how Christmas goes and if she does the same thing, leave early. You can always leave the situation.
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Have your daughter ask her why?
Same thing I went thru luckily now we dont speak to any of them best thing that ever happened
If she can’t treat your child with the same amount of love, she doesn’t deserve to be a part of her life. Period.
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My grandparents on my mother’s side were like that my mom was never around though so my dad’s mom used to call them to remind them about birthdays and stuff and the favoritism was so obvious. As we got older and it started bugging is, my grandma finally just stopped reminding them that we existed and we haven’t really heard from them since. I feel like she probably saved us a lot of hurt feelings by just not inviting them around because they werent going to change and that way we didn’t have to see them favoring thier other grandkids. Idk if that helps but that’s how it was handled in my family and it all worked out ok for us.
There are 2 sides to this situation a good and a bad. Let’s start with THE BAD in my experience of unfairness this similar situation happened to me and my siblings.
Long story short my family believed in god parents also being obligated to buy gifts for their god children. My aunts and uncles were the god parents of my sibilings on my dad’s side. My god parents were on my moms side and had nothing to do with me. Because my aunts and uncles were rich they bought my 3 sibilings $500.00 worth of gifts and sometimes more and I got absolutely nothing. When I was young and seeing this experience for the first time I thought I wasn’t special enough or wasn’t good enough to have what they got. If they arent going to be fair I will no longer attend christmas and sit at home alone.
As I got older I felt if they are going to play favorites don’t be around them. It’s toxic and stressful. My mom decided to go this route because she saw how unfair and how unhappy it made me feel.
However now being older here is THE GOOD side
I experienced an unfair situation and felt unloved however, I realized that presents and items are only things. After I saw what my sibilings had I knew they would never take care of there new phones or cameras game consoles or CD players. They would be destroyed and that eventually happened. I also realized that items arent important and it wasn’t important that they had more than me. What was important is that they got to enjoy their gifts and they were happy. That made me happy. I learned very quickly that life is unfair but my reaction is more important than my feelings. I didn’t cry or show my family I was upset my mom only knew cause she knew me so well. I was okay just because someone has more doesn’t mean they are better or more deserving. Some people don’t see the harm they do to others. Communication is key and once my family realized what they did wrong they apologized and told me it’s fair to not give any god parent gifts at all.
Moral of the story communicate if she is doing it on purpose she is being toxic and you need to remove your child
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Sadly, my kiddos have gone through this! I just never stop giving them love! I raise them in a loving environment. They have my parents who give them lots of love and affection, and we never really talk about it. We continue to let them spend time, but we are not pushy. My girls still love them, and dont notice. As long as you continue to be their mother 100% dedicated to them, and just show love to others and not hate, you will see your kiddos wont even care. But if you give this situation all your attention your kids could possibly learn what jealousy is. I know it hurts! Trust me! It hurt me a lot seeing others being favored, but my husband opened my eyes, and honestly I have so much love to give, there’s no room for hate.
Ignore it. The more you draw attention the bigger the problem will be. The relationship your daughter will have with your mil will be defined by your mil’s actions. Karma will haunt her someday.
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My M.I.L. Has done this to my 3 kids from the time my S.I.L. Had her first baby. My twins were the first grandchildren 
, unfortunately they grew up knowing exactly where they stood in the pecking order. It’s awful! My kids have always felt that they came last.
My grandmother did this with all her grandkids & we all knew it… thr r 3 of us with bdays all in a row… mine is in the middle between 2 of my boy cousins tht she has always favored… 1 of the boys is on the 24th mine is the 26th & the other boy’s on the 30th… growing up she always baked them cakes… got them cards & gave them money… only 1 year did u get a store bought cupcake & a single dollar from her… I was 16… she claimed she couldn’t remember my bday … it sucked when I was a kid cuz I just didn’t get it… but as an adult i came to grips with it & just took it & accepted it for what it was. 
My husband’s step mom is like this with our children and his bio sister’s kids, we adults know that she is gonna be more parshal to her bio grand kids but the children don’t understand all they know is they have 3 sets of grandparents and there Nana treats them differently from one of there baby cousins ( our daughter and my husband step sister child are 2 days apart.) I have my daughter ask her infrount of everyone why she treats her differently, or I pull her off to the side with father in law and my so and ask her point blank why, my husband step sister child is pretty much being raised by my in-laws from what I can tell I try and stay out of it best I can so they spend a little more on her because they are suporting his step sister her baby and her boyfriend and I will explain to my daughter if she ask why her Nana treats her cousin differently but I’m hoping she’ll change once they are a little older ( not expecting it though)
Try cussing her out … honestly. Get the pic across.
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I wouldn’t go around at all. I 100% guarantee it is on purpose… don’t let your daughter know her, when she decides to treat her the same or equally then yes she can play a role in her life. She is only a grandma, it’s not like she has some legal right to be apart of your child’s life.
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Explain to your kid that love isn’t about what people buy them, and it shouldn’t be measured as so. If it really bugs you, say something yourself instead of having your husband do it
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If its having a negative effect on your child, take her away from it. Don’t keep putting her somewhere that makes her feel bad about herself or unloved by those who should love her.
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Mother in laws ALWAYS favor the kids their daughter gave birth to over their sons children…I saw it with my own MIL and she had 8 kids… one daughter & 7 sons…her daughters 3 kids are treated like royalty and she barely pays any attention to her 7 sons kids! It will never change unfortunately so you might as well accept it & let it go…it’s her loss…
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I know how you feel. My mother in law would drive 6 hours to see her daughters kids but wouldn’t drive 5 hours or 20 minutes to see our son but since we brought our daughter home from the NICU Saturday she has stopped by to see her. Last time I went off on her, she quit talking to me and I’m tired of being the one to say something so I told my husband he needs to…he has yet to say anything about that or how she makes him feel because she favors his sister and treats him like he’s a failure.
I went through this. There’s not a lot you can do except to reassure her she is precious to you and eventually she (your daughter) will make the decision to have her (mil) involved or not. I’d allow her to make that decision when she is mature enough to fully understand it. Otherwise I wouldn’t speak badly of your mil, but I would absolutely let her know that your daughter has noticed it and it has hurt her. If she doesn’t make an effort to change, then you just have to let your girl know how important she is to you!
Dont give them the time of day they arent giving you. Period. Family or not toxic is toxic. Period.
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My paternal grandparents have always played favorites. Sadly I was not (and still am not) a favorite. I could see and feel it growing up. Even as an adult they still play favorites with us grown adult grandchildren. They do it with our babies. And my daughter gets treated better than I do.
I simply avoid them as much as I can.
I’d call them out in front of others after the presents are done and Christmas and tell them if they can’t be fair then they are done because you will not watch your daughter’s heart break anymore and I’ve been through this myself as a child she will think they don’t love her and that they don’t want her, except I had to stand up for myself I was 12 and after I said my peace I went home we where at mum’s ex partner’s mother’s house and he had been around since I was 6 and we lived a 15 minute walk away.
Hate like this makes me sad. It surely happens 
What you can do is wait till the whole family is in the room together and have your daughter go up to you her grandparent whoever it is that’s doing this to her and say hey Grandma why are you giving them more presents than me just to see what happens then maybe she will stop doing what she’s doing because it will embarrass her and make her look small of a person…
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Tell her you and your husband don’t like the why she is treating your daughter.
Stop going around tell her see need to treat your daughter the same as the other children until she’s going to do that
At a certain age I actually encourage my kids.to express themselves to the person they are upset with. For example my parents would take my older son with my nephew because it was easier but my girls were upset that he was always being invited so they told my parents themselves that they didnt feelcit was fair. That sure changed things.
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Tell granny she either treats them the same or dont bother at all.
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My mother in law does this and honestly I just stopped going around I’m not going to put my daughter in that situation because talking to her out did nothing so oh well and she feels nothing to my daughter she never called still dont call or bother so y should I
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I really would let them be. Your daughter’s will decide if they are worth being in her life or not.
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No one leaves a child out accidently. Have a discussion with her, your husband and the sister jn law without the kids around (so they don’t pick up on the tension) and try to solve the issue. If she refuses, stop bothering with her
Talk to her and tell her how you feel or just keep her away