Don’t go on Christmas if this has been an issue. Spare your daughter that. My grandma was not loving at all, we went I guess cause ‘we should’. My Dad didn’t even want to be around them. Mom’s parents had passed. Grandpa was more friendly. Still there even as a child it was tense. I went with Mom when we went on other days. Then I was 11 we stopped going. Make your own Christmas at home, separate yourself from a toxic experience. IF MIL asks tell her!
Do they live far from you? The other kid may be getting more because he’s there with them more often and they know more of what he likes? Idk I’m just guessing throwing things out there
I think it’s a daughter vs son thing tbh. My mil is sweet but it’s the same way. It’s made us all resent her… she’s got 2 other grandkids that were born in the same month as my daughter (we were all pregnant at the same time🤦🏼♀️) and the other grandkids damn near live there with her, when not with their moms. She’s never even kept our daughter over night or at all… it’s been over 2 years and every time we see her my daughter doesn’t recognize her and she says “I know I need to keep her, I miss her, I need to do better but your so far(1.5h)” so we offered to bring her whenever she asked… 2.5 years later she still hasn’t asked or had the time to do anything but keep her other grandkids… we just try to be civil, my daughter isn’t affected bc she doesn’t know her. They have money so they don’t treat her to different present wise but of course having the other grandkids every week she does much more for them. It’s tiring to try so hard.
Life isn’t fair. If you cant stand it, don’t let them see the kid. You don’t have to.
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Been there with my own Grandmother. Trust me she notices it and it hurts, but she’ll get over it with her mother being there for her. Let them play favorites all they want. In the end all she really needs is her mother and father.
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I’d just like to say I have two grandsons, one is 6 and the other will be 5 on the 24th , I absolutely would never favor one over the other ( how could you) their both so special in their on unique way:heart: shame on any grandmother that does that 
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Kids notice and that person (grandparent) will wonder on time why that kid wants nothing to do with them. You tried now leave it be… avoid her, don’t go out of your way for her, this will help heal your feeling ill towards her.
Boy, have I witnessed this behavior. Its a shame. I love when excuses are made for grown adults that know exactly what they’re doing🙄 good luck.
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Stop all contact. And until she can start acting like a decent human being she can’t see your daughter. If your daughter is already starting to notice cut the grandmother off. 
Ya know what, F her. If she wants to be a part of your daughters life then fine if not, oh well. Build your daughter up and let her know that it’s not her. I’m so tired of adults treating little kiddos like crap.
Dear God, if this is happening now it will only get worse. This is an over the board toxic individual and… keep your hopes down because they NEVER change. I’d do everything to establish NC as soon as possible and let your husband know why.
But play it safe… discuss this matter with her AND your husband TOGETHER so it shows him you at least tried to give it a chance before you do NC. EVEN if this toxic person claims she didn’t realize or that she’ll change, don’t trust her. She won’t. It’s not normal to treat any child this way… much less your own grandkids!
Do not allow this woman to do this underhanded damage to your daughter.
THERE ARE LITERALLY NO EXCUSES OR REASONING FOR THIS. It’s non-negotiable and a MAJOR RED FLAG 
… NC NC NC … no contact!! I wouldn’t deal with this person in ANY type of way in my life ever again.
Honey, I would not have asked anyone anything. I would not take my child over there. Basically you will be forcing this woman to include your daughter and it won’t be genuine. I’d keep my daughter home, only go for holiday dinners (if you insist you must go) and leave right before opening gifts.
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This may seem like a strange point of view but…
My sister-in-law…isn’t the best parent. My mother-in-law has custody of her two oldest. Sil, her boyfriend, and 2 youngest lived with mil for a while and mil provided everything for the kids.
I know all 4 get nicer things from her than our two (only one is her bio grandkid) but under the circumstances it doesn’t bother me.
If there’s anything like that going on. If there’s financial situation where the sister can’t provide for her kid as well as you can or something like that…id let it go.
If not. Talk to mother in law. It may not make a difference but she may also not realize she’s doing it either. Or it could be poor planning on her part.
My son gets favored on his dads side by his mother because he is the first grandchild. And they all wanted a boy first. And they got him. His other kids that he has with his psycho gf don’t get favored so much. My only thing here is because he was born first. It doesn’t make it ok because no one should be picking favorites but you need to have a sit down with his mother and find out why she’s being that way. And if she continues to be that way just cut all ties with her you don’t need to be putting your little girl through that sort of thing specially if she already notices it.
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I’ve gone through the same thing with my own mother for years! She claims she doesn’t but everyone knows my oldest so is her favorite. Unfortunately no amount of talking has ever helped. My oldest child(my only daughter) has no relationship with her now that she is 21 but she is very close with her other grandma, my youngest son (11) has accepted it and acts like he doesn’t care but he does. I wish I had some advice, but all I can do is wish you luck.
My grandparents on both sides didn’t favor me or my siblings and we all knew. Don’t lie to your daughter, it’ll make life harder and will teach her that’s how she should be treated by the ones she thinks love her. Go on Christmas and if they play favors tell your daughter straight up what’s going on. She’s 5 and old enough to understand. Worse thing you can do is sugar coat it.
Start a new christmas tradition. Go on vacation instead of giving gifts. Go to another family member’s house instead. Go to a friend’s place. Go to an old folks home and visit the person who gets the least visitors at the holidays and bring gifts. She may not get as much, but she can give more, and will perhaps identify better with the people who are left out. You can’t change other people. You can only change yourself.
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it’s mean and hurtful.
Dealt with the same thing with my husband’s mom. When I saw it was negatively affecting my kids, all contact stopped. It wasn’t just gifts though, it was also time and attention.
My mil didn’t like my children but loved her daughters. She said you know your daughters kids are your grandchildren but you never know about your sons. That’s ok though they looked just like him. They never were close to her and never liked her. When she died they did not shed a tear.
Good idea tell us if it works
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I try to get my grandkids the same dollar amount and things the can use
I wouldn’t go to Christmas with them.
Cut that b**ch off because your daughter might get hurt more. No need for people like that to be in your life or your daughters. I’d say avoid every social gathering with her. That’s ugly of her to treat Someone like that yet a 5yr old who is her grand-daughter :(. I’m sorry you both experienced this. You will see a change once you no longer associate with her. Dont feel bad for cutting people off its her loss not yours.
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Okay so my comment made my mother in law look bad. That is not what I was trying to do. I love my mother in law and enjoy our time together, she is great to my kids, well all her grandkids. She has done a lot for us and been there for us when our daughter was in the NICU. The best advice I can give you is to talk to her about how she makes you feel, if you don’t feel comfortable then have your husband. Communication is the only way anything will be solved.
My MIL favors my SIL’s daughter over mine. My daughter is 2 weeks older than her. And they both claim that my MIL doesnt have favorites but i can tell. By the way she always go over there and hangs out or buys her expensive things. And my daughter doesnt get the same treatment.
Are you guys better off financially? It may not be that she favors him more, but knows his parents can’t afford as much as maybe you guys can?
I know its not fair but it happens. My grandparents did this for awhile but then realized it wasn’t right. Hopefully your in laws will too.
Been there. Had my daughter, then my son, two years later her daughter had a girl. You know what she said to the whole family? Finally my first real grandchild! Like her son’s children weren’t?! Unfortunately this will turn into a life lesson for your child. In tolerance, forgiveness, and self confidence. He will learn that sometimes things fall short. It’s not a reflection about the child but about those people making choices we just can’t understand.
I have been going through this fornthe last 10 years with my children with my inlaws. I just explain to them that I can’t control what others do and remind them that they are always going to be my favorites. I also try not to put them in a situation where they have to witness it all the time. I have separated them from my inlaws. And when the in laws ask I tell them why
The way I see it is it is your MIL loss not your daughter’s
I was this child growing up. It didn’t hurt me much but I don’t have a relationship with my grandmother and I’m perfectly okay with that. I can’t stand how family can do this to a child. From experience, just be there for your daughter. Show her extra attention if she has to be around grandma. She’ll notice but she’ll see you there making her feel special.
I think the other side of the family should be ashamed but karmas a bitch and some day they will have to pay the piper
My kids grew up dealing with a grandmother that played favorites and now as adults they have as little to do with her as possible. There really isn’t anything you can do to fix it unfortunately. My dad is starting to see the damage that has been done and is trying to fix some of it but his wife send to think my kids are all just brats and ungrateful and you can’t change kinds that are that self centered.
Stop voicing your views now,especially in front of your daughter. Favoritism is common in all relationship. .It is hurtful but get over it and be respectful to her grandma regardless.
Be thankful that your mother-in-law is giving gifts to your daughter. Be enthusiastic when your daughter opens a gift from her. Say things like, “Wow, look what you got. Isn’t that great?” Don’t feed into your MIL’s prejudices. Let your daughter see that it is o.k. to accept what she gets.