Your son deserves to know I have a seventeen year old and because of bad choices I made around the time I concieved him I have no idea who his father is and I wish I could tell him.
Well…I’m adopted and I’ve always advised parents, to be upfront and honest with their kiddos because keeping the truth from him, will make him feel like you’ve bee. Lying to him this whole time, it will affect his trust with you etc. Tell him…asap. your husband and you need to sit down with him, 1 on 1 and explain first and foremost, that he is your son, always will be and this has no bearing on that fact. 2nd tell him that you dont want to hide anything and feel he has a right to know, followed by the circumstances. Tell him from the beginning, both men knew about him and 1 wanted to be his father. Dont wait any longer though. It will be harder on him, the older he gets🤗
Just from experience I wouldn’t say anything until your 100 percent sure.
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I would get a DNA test before going any further. What if your hubby is actually the bio and you tell the kiddo otherwise. Thats would be horrible
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I wouldn’t tell him but secretly get a DNA test just to make sure. If there is a reason to tell him then wait until then.
Why did you wait so long. A test should have been done.
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You should’ve did that years ago. I wouldn’t even bother with getting a DNA test at this point.
You should tell him. Especially with all those DNA tests from the ancestry places. Would you rather him find out from you or by himself?
I’d tell him the truth and work hard to help him through the emotions he will have.
I think you need to get a paternity test to see if the other guys is actually his biological so you can either cut ties completely with him or not . But it seems regardless of that your husband is his dad. I think your son only needs to know if the other man comes out to be his biological. And if he isn’t get a new birth certificate and make it legally your husbands child.
Absolutely tell him, one day he will find out, please let it come from you, or he will feel so betrayed
It is better for you to tell him then for him to hear it from the donor. But you should get a DNA test done first to be for sure. You dont want to tell him and find out later your husband is actually his father and then you told him for nothing.
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Get the test done The boy deservers to know when he is older but honestly dna dont make him a dad he decided not to find out he decided to walk away. Knowing the kids his wont make a difference
Just a heads up if u get the DNA test done do a home test some docs will notify the courts nd make u change the signatures on the birth certificate
Get the DNA test it maybe your husband’s son so nothing to tell if not than when you do tell just make sure you make it clear the one who calls you my son (your husband) he loves you and you are very special because he chose you
get the dna done first just in case, you never know, you might not need to have a conversation !
I would start with DNA test first . then decide what to do after that
Dont tell him to small my big brother found out when he got big and totally understand why my Mom didn’t tell him and he was mature about everything let him have a normal life
I think,u should tell ur son,the truth & let him decide,if he wants to presue dna tests or a relationship with the other man, but he needs to know the truth
Do it and don’t tell the kid easier that way
Just leave it alone.
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Truth ALWAYS comes out…get the DNA test.
Dont he has a wonderful Dad.
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He shouldn’t be allowed to claim him if he has nothing to do with him.
Your son deserves to know who his real father is. DNA means nothing but I’m sure when he’s older he would want to know the truth. Save unnecessary heartache and all the what if’s by just doing a simple little test! I think it’s also fair to say it would be good peace for the mind to know for sure. What you all choose to do after you find out is on you guys but if I were you I’d rest my mind by finding out the truth. Good luck to you all . Are you able to go back and recall who you slept with around what timeframe to pinpoint one over the other ? Whatever your due date is, go back 3 months and add 7 days to it. Around that time you likely conceived .
I want to hear an update about this post.
#1 take DNA test 1st #2 your husbands son #3 don’t say any thing to him #4 ex-boyfriends son #5 tell your son #6 age 13 and up.
Sounds like my sons bio spermdonor except he and I are not friends. Honestly it broke my sons heart even though I never told him his bio dad never wanted him. I wouldnt say anything until hes older honestly because let me ask you this. Will it change anything other than hurting your son and possibly making him look at your husband differently? I wouldnt and the way I explained it to my son is theres 3 types of men in the world. 1 who helps make a baby and chooses to stick around and love and raise them. 1 who helps make babies and doesnt raise them and 1 that doesnt help make the baby but chooses to love and raise them anyway. And he got the best one because he has a daddy who loves him and chose to love him and raise him when he didnt have to. My son was 6 and my husband raised him since he was 4 months old and was finally adopting him so we had to tell him due to the adoption hearing he had to participate in. It crushed my son and honestly has changed him as a person since we’ve told him the truth. I’d tell him when hes older and can process everything and make that choice on his own.
Christina Marie Mariah Valentine
My aunt found out through ancestry DNA she had a different Dad. Nana took that to her grave! I would definitely tell him but maybe when he’s older. He’s too young to fully understand. Or test it yourself to be 
before you start any conversation with him.
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Honesty is always the best policy. You could lose all trust if he finds out later. DNA websites are very popular now like 23&me. He will find out eventually whether it’s from you or someone/something else. It would be a devastating mistake if you hide it from him. I would have the DNA test done ASAP and let your son know if it turns out your husband isn’t the bio dad. 8 years old is plenty old enough to understand. I would not wait any longer than you already have.
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What good will come out of having the dna test done? Leave it alone … he has a great father … stop stirring the pot. It doesn’t sound like it makes any difference to anyone else but you.
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Yes dna test. Your son has the right to know. When he is mature enough to handle it. You will sleep better too. Honesty…the best policy.
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If/when he finds out when hes older its going to cause major issues. Its best to be honest. I’ve seen a few who were adopted or lied to about the real parent. It never ends well. How can you trust someone who’s lied to you all your life.
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I am adopted, don’t lie to him. My suggestion is, tell him that when he is an adult, he can decide if he wants to pursue paternity, or not! Whenever possible I would let him make the choices about this situation. And be honest with him always.(ps Omitting information from your talks is the same as lying)
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Leave it alone and rejoice you have a dad for him that wants and loves him!! If you decide to do it let the dad who is raising him be a huge piece of this.
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I would have probably did a DNA test with my husband when my child was young enough not to remember… So that way I knew the answers… What if the man rasing him is his bio dad… Then this kid maybe hurt that you waited so long to tell him…
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Please leave well enough alone - my husband is raising another mans kid and we just roll with it- there really is no good reason to put your kid through this drama- he already knows his “dad” just as if he were adopted - I don’t mean this rude in anyway shape or form but it seems there are lingering feelings for the ex and you want him more a part of your life? That is the only reason I can see to upset your happy functioning home
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I think take the DNA Test. I can tell you that I went for 15 years thinking my adopted dad was my birth father. I crushed me to find out I was living a lie especially since I had resembled enough to pass as my adopted fathers biological daughter. To this day I don’t know who my biological father is and it just seems like I’m missing a piece of myself. I love and respected my father for adopting me but it took some time to get over the shock of living a lie for so long.
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Why didn’t you get a DNA test when your son was born? You say the other guy is the dad, but what if your husband actually is. I would want a test at least just to know. The longer you wait the worse it will be if your done finds out later on in life.
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Honestly, he has a dad. The other guy doesn’t have anything to do with him. I would tell him when he’s an adult that there’s a chance the other guy is biologically his father. He will process it in a healthier way as he’s older and be able to really appreciate his actual dad (your husband.)
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Tell him exactly what you told us (when and if the question arises). There were two possibilities. One man walked away and the other stepped up. You decided that your son deserved a father who wanted him so let things be. It’s the truth
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I’d definitely have the DNA test done And when you and your husband feel he is mature enough to understand why your husband isn’t his dad then tell him. You never want to have secrets in the closet that could potentially harm your relationship with your son. And if he’s you husbands son🤞 then you continue on as if nothing happen and your ex won’t need to ever be in the pic. Good luck with this.
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I have adopted 3 children and fostered many more. Never ever lie to your child. Be open and honest. Explain basic facts. He knows your hubby is his “dad” because he loves him and is raising him. Hiding the truth will only bring pain, anger and resentment later.
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Don’t tell him unless u get a dna test. Why open that can of worms when u don’t know for sure! I also don’t think it’s right to put that uncertainty on him “it could be him or it could be him 
”. No. I would let him enjoy his family and keep his stability. The man who is raising him is his Dad. If the other guy wants in his life or u feel like you’re lying, then get the dna test, then share the results. Good luck!
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I’m sure your husband is on his birth certificate and he has his last name. Also you stated your not sure which one is the father. I would leave it alone until he is older then tell him it’s a possibility the other man could be his dad. Right now I wouldn’t do anything
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I wish I knew how to help you. But I am in a similar situation but with grandson (s).
My son has a son with a lady who I know is his son. But he doesn’t support him in anyway but happily claims him. I get so angry 
with that.
But he claims to have another son ( with a female of extra immoral sex exploits ) that I question paternity that he again doesn’t take care of but happily claims. One is my real grandson and the other I have severe doubt. So I would talk with your husband about the dna for medical purpose only. And if you do. I pray for him to be the bio daddy he is now
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I would wait until your Son is able to understand and if he wants this he can make the decisions to know or not. I am a true believer that Blood doesn’t make you family. I would tell him if he chooses to know that Blood relatives we can’t choose, but for someone to choose you and love you just because you are who you are is the most valuable thing to have. He chose to love you, he chose to be your Dad and didn’t care if you had the same DNA. Besides if he is raised by your Husband he will still have traits of the amazing job your husband has done to make him apart of him, whether it be integrity, love, learned habits because boys do emulate their parents or siblings they look up to etc. A better way to let him know if the other booty call is his Dad is that it didn’t matter to Any of us who’s DNA you have but the relationship that we built to love you with all our hearts and the other man took a step aside to give you a Whole Family. Best of luck for you all.
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I wouldn’t do it your husband treats him like he is his own than let it be! If the other man is his bio dad and he finds out that he wants nothing to do with him will only hurt him!
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Leave it alone. Don’t relieve your conscience by dropping this on your son.
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Better to get the DNA test done. You should tell him the truth, no matter which way the results. As he gets older, he will appreciate the truth and won’t be traumatized if by chance he discovers the truth on his own later.
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An old saying I used to hear my grandmother say “Let sleeping dogs lie. “
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Do it quietly. If the “dad” is his dad have your husband adopt him!
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Seeing it would serve no purpose. Medically or otherwise. Might be best to keep it to yourself. Why mess up the boys childhood with confusing facts that would do nobody any good… Don’t lay your maybe quilt on a child. That also means don’t talk to anyone else about it either. Gossip spreads like wildfire.
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As far as I’m concerned, your husband is his father. He’s the one who has been there all his life. Period.
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Unless there’s a medical reason to know the identity of his true biological father, let things be. Remember it takes a real man to raise and love another man’s child as his own. There’s no need to break your son’s heart when your husband is truly his real dad.
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I say no if your husband wants and loves him then he is his dad.don’t hurt your son he might feel the other boys have a dad and he doesn’t. Leave well enough alone.you have a great husband !
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If your husband and son think and feel that they are related, don’t bring any negative information into your family. What good will it do? Possibly ruin your family and marriage. It takes more than a biological fact to be a dad, and your husband has proven his dedication to you and your children.
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His dad is the one who is raising him and teaching him and who live him and it there for everything. No dna test needed.
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I would have the testing done so you know in case there is ever a medical emergency where that information would be helpful but I wouldn’t share the information with your son until he is older.
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All the people saying let it go really aren’t thinking are they🤦🏼♀️at some point this boy might need to know his medical history and he can’t give it if he doesn’t know it.the child deserves to know who his real father is no matter who you are with
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Wait til he’s older and can understand better! He should know at some time!
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Leave things alone. He is still too young to do all this to him right now. Wait at least until he’s old enough to understand.
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Any man can be a father but not all men can be a “Dad”. Your son is young and does not need the burden you obviously are carrying, placed on his shoulders. Life is difficult enough these days for kids in school and much is expected from them. What good would it do for your son to know? When he is older and/or needs a medical procedure that his father could help in any way, that would be time enough. Let your son continue to love his Dad and be happy.
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I say leave it alone until he is old enough to understand. Your husband loves him and he loves his dad.
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His biological dad is merely a “sperm donor”. The man who is there 24/7 -well that is the meaning of fatherhood!
You should have done this when he was first born. Wow he has a right to know who his real dad is.
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I think you need to be honest with him. Sooner than later. He is young enough to to take it in stride now. He knows who is really his dad !
I feel like all children deserve to know their DNA, even if the DNA is not their “family”.
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His “dad” is the man who is being a father to him. The guy you had sex with is history. when he is a little older I would give him brief facts and ask him if he wants to know. The bio dad is nothing other than a possible match.
Just get the test and put your mind at ease. The love does not change, your dwelling on it is not a healthy feeling 
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I have a son that’s adopted, and the birth mom has no idea who his birth father is. If your son knows about his other “dad” and is comfortable where he’s at, leave it alone! Leave it! When and if that child wants to know he will tell you! By high school, when graduation, college and scholarship applications begin being filled out, that when he will ask, IF he wants to know. To find out now may make him feel “different” than his brothers. Right now they are all blood through and the through. If he finds out he has a different dad, then the other kids find out, it could cause serious issues during arguments and sibling rivalry. My son only wanted to really know when he began to fill out all those apps. He asked for one of those DNA test they advertise on tv and I’ve told him yes. He’s a freshman in college, and seems back to not even thinking about it, but he did request the DNA test for Christmas. Don’t do this because of your curiosity, do it when your son is ready!! Does he already know about this other man? If not you’ve messed up already, but at this age I wouldn’t tell. Not without talking to a therapist before and after. If you’ve kept this hidden form him, he’s going to be crushed.
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You’re such an honest person and that’s beautiful. You could do the paternity and if you find out tell him but maybe that will just disrupt everything. I would leave things as is. I’m a very honest person and understand where you are coming from but I think this will only disrupt lives.
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Your husband has raised him and loves him and will always be there for him. “Dad” has nothing to do with him…who would want a “Dad” who may or may not show up for a visit? He would disappoint the kid over and over. Don’t do the DNA test.
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I personally can’t live in a gray area. I would find out for my son’s sake.
It’s always best to be honest. I’d get the test done and tell him if your husband isn’t his biological father. He has a right to know and he’ll be hurt if he finds out later. Your husband is a loving father to him, so I don’t think it would hurt as much not having the other guy around. Your husband has always been dad to him and that probably wouldn’t change.
You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free. Yes he deserves to know the truth and he deserves to hear it from you. He will appreciate it as an adult. He will also respect his legal father more. The truth always comes out eventually anyway.
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Yes. You should tell him. You dont want him to grow up and fall in love with a relative or something. And it will also help teach him unconditional love. Also, medical issues. Honest is ALWAYS the best policy.
Definitely get a DNA test done. If “bio” dad is in fact his biological dad, then he needs to step up and help pay for his child! If nothing else, he can donate to his college fund, and one day when you feel it’s the right time, your son needs to know the truth. It’s important to know where you come from, speaking from personal experience.
That’s tough. My only issue with not telling him is how much it’ll hurt him if he finds out on his own. Should come from you. And I think the younger the better.
He’s so young that you can prob get a dna test for him without really telling him what it is and go from there.
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I would be honest with him, but I wouldn’t mention his father wants nothing to do with him
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Depends on your child’s maturity; though it would be a lot harder to over hear this or hear it from another family member.
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I think you get a DNA test. If his dad is your husband great if it is your ex then you don’t tell him until he is older but you should know. He also has a right to know as well.
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Im thinking honesty is really the best policy here. Kids are resilient, teens and adults not so much. Waiting until they are older could cause a complete break in the family and communication. Its hard it really is. Rips your heart out but you gotta do it. Kids deserve honesty.
Do the DNA test but keep it private. He is to young. He may be treated equal. But I believe if you tell him to young he won’t feel equal. Let him mature and enjoy being abkid. He don’t deserve this drama
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What a story to tell!! I was sleeping with two men at the same time, so I didn’t know who was your daddy! Good example!! Good luck explaining that one!!
Hard answer, I’d get the DNA done to find out for sure. Then you need to pick an age to tell the boy incase he is the father. If you still see this other man and he ask how’s the boy doing, there’s nothing to say in the future that he would want a relationship with him and you haven’t told the son yet, it could cause problem between you, your husband and him. Good luck
Obviously this is going to do nothing but eat away at you. In order to have some peace of mind I highly encourage you to get the DNA test done. Then you & your husband need to figure out the next step after the results come in. I feel very strongly you should tell your son the truth before it comes from someone else & we all know stuff like this never stays quiet. I pray that you will make the right decision & find peace.
Honesty is always best IMO. Even when difficult. Good luck. Follow your mom instincts. Talk to people you trust to see their take on it.
The sad part is the bio dads parents also are not involved in their grandsons life. I’d tell him but then let him know that each person is faced with many decisions in ones life and with all decisions good or bad you have to live with the consequences and bio dad made a decision that he felt was right by not being involved doesn’t mean it was right or wrong doesn’t mean it was easy either. Doesn’t make him good or bad and that his true father also made a decision and has never regretted it. Then explain that as he goes through life he will have to make lots of decisions and that they may not always be right or easy but he only has to ask himself can I life with my decisions and consequences? If not then it’s the wrong one.
Honesty is the best. But any revelations should be age appropriate. I know a situation in our family years ago the child was told the truth about her dad it really messed with her mind.
Get the test done,but DO NOT TELL THE BOY…He is to young to grasp all this…When he is older would be best if it turns out like you think it will…
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Your husband is his dad and always will be. Keep it that way.
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He has to know eventually. It is not fair to wait till he is an adult and say by the way you may have a different dad out there somewhere. Do the test find out the truth and deal with the consequences.
I believe you should leave it alone. His true Father I’d the one taking care of him and loving him for who he is.
That is way too much for an 8 year old. Wait until he older, and let him decide if he wants to know who the bio dad is.
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My family was in the same situation. Its best that they know! It’s always best coming from you than someone else. The betayal is awful!
Im going to be straight forward and im sorry if i may sound abrupt dont mean to be rude but i would have done the dna test since the beginning as earliest as possible
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I think the younger they know (if its done with love) the better. I would get the dna done for yourself. It might be a nice surprise,but it would be nice to know in case of health problems at a later date.If the dna shows the other guy is the father I would tell him soon before he gets to his teen years as they seem to take things a little harder in these years.
Leave it alone! You could potentially be opening a can of worms that u can never close and all for what, a man that clearly doesn’t love or want a child!
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He needs to know! If he ever found out you would have a nightmare on your hands. Experienced in this area . Plus you yourself will be set free with the burden of not knowing what is right. You can’t go wrong with the truth. God Bless and good luck
You keep referring to him as his dad. Your husband if his dad. He cares for him, supports him, houses him, clothes him, etc. Why are you obsessing over this other man who doesn’t even want your amazing child! You are ignoring the father that is there for the (maybe) father that doesn’t care.
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