Honesty is the best policy! Don’t want nothing to come back and bite you later on! Definitely get the DNA test.
Confirm who his bio father is before you do anything else! If it’s not your husband then when he gets a little older start letting him know.
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8 is young to be confused about this and it could consume his thoughts and muddy the waters at home. His live in dad sounds wonderful. He possible dad seems barely interested. Seems worse to have your son possibly chase after and be hurt by someone who opted to not be involved. I would take the test but wait on the results of it is the man not in your life. Soon enough your son will be grown up and you can explain it well. Maybe the possible Dad will have more interest in getting to know a teenager who can tend to their own needs. His live in Dad deserves the same respect he had been giving to you.
Actually, it is your curiosity you are wanting to set to rest. And maybe you should. Ultimately, the man who raised him is his true father.
Don’t do it. My first child is by my first husband. He left before she was even born. A year later I married my now husband. He adopted her. Her bio dad dropped totally out of the picture. All these know it all told me I needed to tell her. I needed to tell the truth to her. So being young and stupid I did. It has caused nothing but constant heartache. She is in her 40s and still struggled to come to terms with it. She feels cheated because my other 4 children’s dad is still around. It has caused a huge chasim between my husband and her as well as her siblings . Don’t do it.
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I would get the DNA test done and then depending what the answer is tell him when he’s older. Maybe if his “Dad” knows for sure it’s his he would want to be involved possibly? Maybe he’s only not bc he isn’t sure if he really is his and doesn’t want to confuse your child.
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The most important part of this story is that he is YOUR son! You already gave him a father. You already made a family and a home for him with the Man who wanted all of your life and heart. The baby daddy debate is a moot point when it came to manning up! DNA is over rated!
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Being adopted, i knew something was off and it always affected me. I felt why was i not wanted. I say wait, wait wait your son will let you know when hes ready to know he will see the difference between his looks and his brothers, thats the time that the two of you sit down with him and have that conversation. Myself i just had feelings that effected my self esteem was never anything my parents did they answered my question and told me all they knew. If he doesn’t ask dont push, some kids never care they are satisfied with life the parents they have and no need for any thing else.
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I’d leave it alone till he’s older . So he doesn’t feel any difference in his brothers .
I feel like it is always best to be honest with my kids. One lie leads to another. He may be disappointed but with everyone’s support he will understand. Wouldn’t you want your parents to be honest with you?
But you know your son and must trust your own instincts and trust your loving husband and children to get through it as a family.
I married my first son biological father out of obligation but he never cared for him. When I divorced him, he tried to sue me for custody even though he never paid child support. My 2nd husband who loved and adopted him because the judge told my ex he had to choose to pay support or sever his parental rights. He chose to sever them. But, later in my son’s life he interfered with our family and destroyed my son by telling him lies. Don’t let him do this to your son. I lost him because of the conflict.
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Is your son secure? Does he feel loved and validated? Is he doing well? I say don’t tell him if he is secure. Telling him may help you carry your burden but it would cause him to have to carry an awful large burden he had nothing to do with. Love HIM enough to carry your own burden.
Your child is not old enough for honesty. His Dad is the one who supports him & loves him. If you want a DNA test do it with your husband. But keep the results to yourself until his a lot older.
I would leave it alone until he’s an adult.
The truth will someday come out! Better be honest and face the situation.
You need to make sure of whose need it is…yours or your son. If your husband has been a loving father to your son, don’t put a cloud over their relationship. Careful that you don’t ruin what you have. As for the sperm donor, put him where he belongs…far in your past. He does not claim your son. He is more intent upon reminding you that he slept with you. Forget him.
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Be honest, my nephew was never told the truth, and he always asked my sister and she wouldn’t answer, he heard rumors but she denied it, he felt like he was missing something in his life. I knew the truth but felt it wasn’t my place. Unfortunately my nephew passed away at 42 never knowing the truth
Forget the DNA test. You and he know who “dad” is, but not important. He has a functional, modeling dad, that’s real, hands on, there every day. He knows who his dad is. Try to cut ties, seperatecyourself, from " dad".
I don’t know…somethings are better left unsaid…If your husbands treats him like his son, he’s his dad and always will be…
Your husbands heart may be broke if he found out for sure he isn’t his biological son…
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My son was 39 and died 2 years ago, he wasn’t my husband’s but he did adopt him . Their relationship was great up until he was 16 , my son at 18 wanted information on his biological father. The information was never used, even though he had it . Don’t give your son his father’s name it will only create issues later for all of you. My son called my husband dad until he died.
Let it be at least until he is much older and can make his own choice about it.
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Absolutely NO !! His father is the one who loves and raised him since day one , the other guy is just a sperm donor .Let it go , don’t ruin his life especially when your not 100% sure the other guy might be the bio father .
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Do NOT put him in a situation like this! If he grows up and questions his looks or something then you and spouse may opt to tell him the truth! But for now if it is not broken dont look back! My mother passed away when I was 10. When I was 45 an aunt by marriage told my sister and I we may not have the same dad! As it was we found out we do not! It changed EVERYTHING! Her attitude towards me and all. We barely speak now! We are 52 and 53 and only have each other! We might as well not even be related!
Leave it alone if it’s not broke don’t fix it!
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I would leave it alone. His dad is whoever raises him…that’s all that matters.
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Either way will be hard on all concerned. I recommend you telling him about it, all of it dont sugar coat it and dont down play your or his father’s part in this. You still need to let him know that your husband raised him and loves him, and it’s never been a problem with him.
I think , do the DNA, if only for medical reasons. You may not think there is a medical need now, but one may arise.
Do the test secretively and only reveal if he is not the biological to your husband. No sense in putting a strain on their relationship, your relationship and adding unnecessary stress to your son.
I told my son around 11 about his sperm donor as his dad had been there since he was a baby. I didn’t want him finding out from someone else when hes older. It happened to my niece she was devastated.
It amazes me how many people think it is ever ok to lie. Children are so much more understanding and intelligent than people want to give them credit for. I’ll say it again
Would you ever appreciate being deceived and lied to about some so very important. Our children trust us and we should respect them as people with needs and feelings . He doesn’t have to know the details of moms intimate life. Just that mom had a boyfriend and reality is that biologically he has another dad but y’all are a family and everyone is loved and y’all will get through it with love, honesty and understanding. Maybe ask a family counselor.
Wow, tough question, because if he finds out one day, you and his father (your husband) are probably going to get all The fallout. If you tell him now, he may be too young to understand all the rationale, but if you do it with love and reassurance, he may be better able to come to terms with it.
Quit thinking about it until you have positive confirmation from a DNA test. You might be worrying for nothing. Once you know for sure you will come to a decision when to tell him .
My Dad is 83,he found out that he was adopted on a baseball field by teasing friends. He has never forgotten that. His childhood was not the best but I think honesty is the best. Love him as you always have but he deserves to know.
Have all DNA tests done to determine who his biological father is now. Tell him the truth now. Deal with however it goes. He knows he is loved, which will help.
I think that is a conversation you need to have with your husband. I would also be honest with your son about the situation when he old enough. Maybe he can make that choice to find out if he wants to?
Do the test while your son is still young. He may want to do one some day and it would be worse for him to find things out one way or another once he is grown up. You can decide when to tell him. Plus you may get the news you want!
Leave it alone. You’ll open a pandora box that will change all of your lives. After all this time, no one’s asking questions or wondering but you.
Ok, let’s thing with your brain and not your emotions . You actually want to tell your son that the ‘dad’ that has raising him, the man that was always there for you and your kids, is not really his dad ?!? Do you really want to open Pandora’s Box ?
I think you should get it done, only because of the medical reasons. When your son has kids in the future n something is wrong with one, they can trace it back… his dad now will always be his dad but son deserves the truth, in the furure son will decide if wants the bio dad in his life or not… but that should be up to him n not you.
Wait until he is older and let him make his own choice!
When he is older then definitely tell him. But for now let him be a little boy.
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This is a tough one I would do the DNA test just to see if he actually is the dad and then only for if necessary any sort of medical needs or questions that come up and keep that in information between you and your husband
Honesty is usually the best way but it really comes down to whether or not it is your heart telling you to do it or fear . I would at least make sure the boy is emotionally ready to hear it. Hell if he looks different he may ask about it himself. But you must call upon all your strength and wisdom to get you through this. I personally would talk to your son. I am a mother that gave my son up for adoption and have always hoped the parents told him …
Everyone needs to know the truth for peace of mind and for medical reasons. It may not be broken now but in the future it maybe broken and then harder to fix it.
I was told by my Best Friends Mom to tell my son who his real Dad is. I’ll know the right time. I had the same thoughts on should I or not. She found out on her Wedding Day. I decided when he was 12 to tell him. He cried, but after realized how special that he had 2. One was really a Father, but the man who raised him is his Dad. I can tell you I’m glad I told him the truth because unfortunately if others know it might come out and he’ll be hurt more than you know. My advice you’ll know when it’s the right time. The reason he deserves to know. It might be a medical issue later in life he might need to know. I’m hoping he’s your husbands. However if not being honest is the best way to go.
Tell him when he is a little older the man who raised him is his dad the other his father he will make the right choic
Yes tell him. Leave it up to him if he wants a DNA test
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Welll…maybe whn he is a lil older explain tht some ppl are not cut out to be parents and just cant, they dont hv it in thm. Nothing to do wi the kids, it’s them…being his bio…and some can and go above and beyond bc they can love wi their whole heart…his “real” dad…maybe wait til he asks? Mk sure you talk to your husband, the “real” dad first.
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At this point, providing you have talked to your husband and he knows how you feel and you both have an agreement/ understanding then take the test. It will give you peace of mind, which obviously you need or you would not be asking. Your mental state, your hubby’s mental state, and your child’s are all equally important. I wouldnt tell your son what the test is for or the whys and what fors just yet. Wait for the results and if he comes back the other mans child, you husband and you and the other man will have to decide how to best handle the situation. But if he accidentally finds out the truth be it from a hostile used to be friend, the other man himself, or even for medical concerns he will very possibly resent you for a long time.
I say pray on it and do whatever your heart tells you! You know your child. Do what works for your family unit. No need to worry about what if’s and wether or not it’s damaging to the kid… trust me we all damage our kids and are damaged as kids in some way shape or form! He will persevere through whatever life throws at him with the love of you, your husband, and his siblings 
It shocks me to see how many people are ok with lying to a child about their father and it’s creepy as hell.this isn’t a small lie like Santa this can be devastating when he finds out and it is a matter of when not if cause these things always come out.not to mention just think if you’re in a medical emergency and u need to give info on the spot and u can’t it could slow down any help he might need.what a sad world we live in where a bunch of women (of course) always think they have the only say in a child’s life.have u given the ex the chance to be a dad or anything?its great your husband stepped up it really is and yes that is your kids “dad” but he deserves to know who his bio father is plain and simple
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Are you serious? Why would you tell him that his bio dad doesn’t want to see him…that’s what you’re doing! Ask yourself what good will come of this? A dad is more than a sperm donor!
for medical purposes, I would do the test. Secrets have a way of coming out
So I believe You need the DNA for Your Peace Of Mind. Didnt go back to read if your Husband knows there is a possibility he is or is not His son. This needs to be done immediately for the Adults first. Then as adults you can Together come up with the Best solution of when where or how you let the Child know. This is not a question answered for the Child immediately. You obviously need to know if you want to continue life with no Monkey on your Back!!! Hope and pray for your future.
Get the test done just for the basic knowledge. Then leave the life as it sits and let him make his own choice when he’s older
Find out for your own peace of mind tell no one. Unless it your husbands then tell both men. If he is the ex’s son wait till he is older to tell him.
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I’m 34. Found out six years ago that my paternity could be in question. Waited three years to get a DNA test done because I couldn’t stand not knowing. Come to find out, my dad isn’t my dad. Not sure how I feel about the results (my biological father died nine years before I even knew about him, he thought that my mother aborted me and moved across the country) but would still have done it because I know I’d wonder the rest of my life.
Get the test. Tell him the truth. Be honest about the difference between a non existent bio parent and the dad who showed up and stepped up because he chose him. Telling him now while he is young is better than him finding out when he is older and distrusting you. That would hurt far worse for both of you in my opinion. He could deal with so much emotional upset with you for keeping such a thing from him. A good question to pose to your adopted family is what would they have wanted? To know from the start they were chosen or to have found out later in life. All the best to you and your family. Thank you for sharing your very personal struggle with this. It can’t be easy. You’ll make the best decision for you and your family because only you can truly know what will be best.
Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to conceive!!! What’s done is Done. No need to drag an innocent child through the muck of your sex life. Unless there is a compelling reason to tell him since you didn’t bring it up before now… leave it be!
When I was 38 my mother told me that I could either be my step dad’s kid or the man that I knew to be my father’s kid. My “dad” was killed when I was 7 years old. Speaking from my own perspective, I wish that my mother would have never told me anything. Because now I sit and wonder if I want to find out who my real dad is. But, I feel like it would be disrespectful to the man that died thinking that he was my dad. I was happier not knowing.
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His “dad” is your husband, the one who loves him and is there for him, it doesn’t matter who the sperm donor is.
Take a DNA for medical purposes only (if needed in the future). Leave things as they are. Blood is blood only. It takes love to be a REAL dad.
It take much more than the act of conception to make a father or mother.
Why should you say anything. ? Is parentage a general topic of conversation?
Leave it alone. It does not matter.
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Your.son has a right to know the truth, you need to tell him.but tell him when his dad is there to reassure him of his love for him, remember I said DAD not HIS Father.
If for some reason bio dad wants vistation at some point its easier that he knows. I would do the research first before I told him.
If it’s TRUE I would wait until later to tell him. Also, at that point all your other sons will find out either from you or your sons. I have a girlfriend that has 3 girls and the oldest child is from a different dad who has nothing to do with her. She was raised by her stepdad and he is her “dad”. But, when they get in fights the other 2 girls bring up that their dad isn’t her dad. Very mean but kids can be mean. Just pointing out there will be lots of complications from this
The child has a right to know which man is his biological father. Get a DNA TEST DONE… Once the results come back, tell both men 1st. If the other guy who could be his biological father doesn’t want anything to do with him, then ask him to sign his rights over and you will then have to decide whether or not to tell your son
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do the test. If it comes back your husband isn’t the father and after discussing it with your hubs. 1. have bio dad sign away away rights and legally adopt the child, or 2. Tell bio dad and establish a legal relationship between father / son. I would say be honest with all parties or it will cause issues eventually.
Present husband cool with all the boys and truly loves them, then do the DNA test. If it comes out your husband is the dad, its solved. And if in the future your past love still claims him as his son, tell him then the results and keep the paperwork for the future in case he asks for proof.
I was your son. My older brother and two younger sisters all three have the same biological parents, I have a different biological dad.
The difference is this, I was twelve when my mom told me. My biological father did not know about me tho. When I turned thirty and had a child of my own, it became very important for me to find my bio dad (all I had was a name, where he was stationed when there were together and when he moonlighted as a bouncer). I did find him and was welcomed into his life and family. He lived across the country so I did not get to see him often before he passed away 8 years ago. When he died, it was the first time I met my sister and aunts and uncle.
I was so mad at my mom for not telling him about me (his mom knew about me and didn’t tell him either). I was angry and felt robbed of the sibling connection I could have had with his other children. I felt robbed of all those years he could have been in my life. I cannot express how mad I was.
Do the DNA test, if your husband is the bio dad you don’t even have to explain why you did it, but if he isn’t, tell your son the truth. Don’t rob him if that opportunity. If the other man doesn’t want a relationship that is on him and he still has your husband. And if he does want the relationship then that’s wonderful, two dads! If your husband is as wonderful as he sounds, it won’t matter to him at all.
Do yourself a favor get the test and if the other guy is the dad then tell your son when he is old enough to understand and accept it Trust me ,you do not want him finding out on his own you will regret it .
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I would do the DNA now.(could be your husbands) if not then I would definitely tell your son because he will find out one day and have a hard time with trust.
I would hold off till he is older, nothing good would come from it right now…
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I’d leave it alone. When he is old enough to understand and has questions let him make that decision to have a test done.
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As a man who grew up in this same situation leave it alone the man raising him is his father you telling him the truth now is only gonna make him why he wasn’t good enough for biological dad too love him please leave it alone from personal experience
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I think your questioning this for yourself. The poor boy is 8 years old. He doesn’t need any changes in his life right now. He has a family and a father that loves him. Don’t mess up his world. There will be a proper time for it.
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Tell him when he is an adult, let it be for now, then he can decide
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I feel like why rock the boat how would you feel if your dad wanted nothing to do with you wether it be financially or any other way that is going to be tough to deal with let your husband be his father
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Would it help or harm him?
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you dont know anything for certain without DNA . AND YOU SHOULD KNOW DNA DONT MAKE YOU A DAD. Being a father is not just about biology. Its about loving, caring, nurturing and acting like a dad. That would describe your husband. Let the other guy go an leave it be. If you dont it will screw up his head big time for nothing.
I dont think you need to do the DNA test. If the other father wants nothing to do with him then leave it be for now. As he gets older and has a better understanding of life and where babies come from then sit him down and tell him about his maybe other birth father. Let it be his choice to do the DNA at that point.
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I would do the DNA for yourself so you can see who the father is bc if he is your husband’s son then their is nothing to tell but if he isnt then you know but also if anything happens to you’re son it’s best to know who the father is if needed for any medical emergency and you can always tell you’re son later down the line if he ever questions when he is older. Which most kids who have been raised by someone since birth don’t question anything but it will definitely ease your mind.
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Get a DNA and yes tell your son. The longer you wait the longer he he feel you lied to him. At least as a child he can rebound and.move.on with his it.
With all the ancestry tests being done, I think it would be better to do the dna test now, otherwise he might get a really bad surprise one day
The truth will come out eventually. Be honest with age appropriate words so he isnt shocked by news he hears from someone else.
I’d say either do it when he’s pretty young or wait til he’s a confident adult. No teenager needs that bomb dropped on them.
DNA and tell your son when he is old enough to understand. If the bio dad is not wanting anything to do with him have him sign off on his rights and have your husband legally adopt him. Don’t lie though. That would cause an issue for you and your son and possibly your husband too. It would be good to wait on telling your son until he understands the birds and bees so you having a baby with another man doesn’t confuse him. Ask your ex if he would change his feelings about being a part of his life if DNA proves it is his son. If he would then want visitation rights, that could be tough for your son.
Personally I think letting this go unless when and why orGod forbid something happens he needs his medical history you see every day where kids life’s are ruined over this and never tell your other children about this kids can be cruel and the hard fact he might be your husbands is still there leave the skeletons in the closet
He needs to hear this news from you and your husband, not from anyone else and that could happen. Good luck!
Ok so my daughter I wasn’t sure who her dad was my exhusband took her as his own along with my oldest son only they were already born and going on 5 anyway my daughter is a complicated one I’m not getting into but long story short I’m getting a DNA test and I already had a talk with her she’s now 11 I told her before the questions came and I knew it wasn’t long before the questions so I was honest she wants to know and by every right she does so my advice to you is your child has every right as well it will only be resentment if you hide it because sooner or later he will find out would you want him to know from you or the possibility of him finding out another way now telling him when he understands will be better rather than hurting him but its up to you really best of luck
I would do a DNA test and with those results I would tell him if the other man is his father. Truth means alot. If you didnt tell him and he eventually found out, he might resent you, say you deprived him, all sorts of things, and then again he might feel grateful. However If it were me I would want to know. I would tell my child as well. I say this to my children , I can handle any truth, but I cant touch a lie, its unattainable because it isnt real. You got this Moma , If your asking the question , your heart probably as already given you the answer, but you fear the outcome. Just know your love is stronger than any fear there is, and you can love through it. Good Luck 
Tell him and tell him now. I was lied to for 18 yrs and still don’t know even a name. Don’t do that to your child.
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every child needs to know who their biological family is. if not for any other reason, for medical history. get the dna test and go forward from there.
Get the test now so he grows knowing the truth,how can you be friends, your join parents even if he doesn’t want to be apart of his life, he took the chance same as you so he should be contributing to his welfare what makes him get off Scott free just cause it was an accident? He needs to man up
Any man can be a father but it takes a special man to be a dad
8 years is not old enough wait until he is 19 or 21 then you and your hubby tell him about the possibility and let your son decide if and when he wants a DNA test . Your son is in one way to old to tell because he will be very confused this should have be done when he was a baby and should have been casually mention all his life .now is not the right age to tell him
Leave it alone…your son has a dad who loves him and he isn’t second guessing the paternity and you shouldn’t either don’t up your son’s world over your guilty feelings…of later in life things change then do the dna
You will rock his world if you tell him now- I’d get a dna test first- then go from there.
Then I’d really think of his level of emotional stability in the big picture. He’s only 8. He has a great dad
He has siblings and grandparents and uncles- why have him feel different - because telling him at this point will.
yes, get the test if your husband is ok with that. There might not be anything to tell your son if hubby is the real dad. If he isn’t, i’s best to tell him the truth and explain that you both lovehim the same as all the others