My husband got custody of his daughter when she was 7. I came into the picture when she was 8 and have raised her as my own since (She’s now 17) and we’ve always had a typical Mother/Daughter relationship, neither of us refer to the other as Step. Her Mother passed of a drug overdose so she gets Social Security deposited into a bank account with my husbands name to be used for her. In November of last year she began seeing a boy (18) that we really liked at first but we soon started noticing things such as him being very controlling, Wanting to know where she is all times and screaming at her if she didn’t text him back immediately. This past January we told her he wasn’t welcome at our house for a while because of his behavior and she flipped, yelling and screaming. She asked when she could move out and her Dad told her if she couldn’t follow rules and be respectful she could leave and he couldn’t stop her, She left with her boyfriend that night. She called wanting the bank card and my husband told her he wouldn’t give her the card because the account was in his name and couldn’t be turned over to her name until she turns 18 but that as long as she stays in school and maintains her grades (She was passing all of her classes at home) he would withdraw it every month for her but if doesn’t do her classes online (virtual school) or drops out the money gets put into savings every month and she gets it when she turns 18 this November. She attempted school for maybe a total of 2 weeks, She had well over 100 absences and her highest grade was a 15 before she dropped out in April so her money had been put into savings since then. Now she is threatening to take us to family court and her and her boyfriend are harassing us constantly. My Husband says he’s sticking to his guns, He told her what would happen if she quit and he meant it. At this point, I’m ready to draw it out for her to end the drama! What would y’all do??
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What should I do about my step daughter?
You should support your husband not undermine him. He is sticking to his guns and showing true character and you are trying to take the easy way out.
Stay Strong. And don’t give in
Stick up for your husband!
Your husband is right. Don’t give it to her and let her take you to court then. It won’t be cheap…she’s not mature enough to have that responsibility.
Her father is doing what is best for her-let him handle it
Stick to yalls rules. The adult world had rules and regulations. Time she learns now.
It’ll all be gone in a couple months if that and then she’ll be begging to come home. Teens are so dumb. Lol
Let her f…CK up…You can’t stop stubborn by being stubborn…but don’t pick up any pieces either…no respect nothing…
Support your husband
Let your Husband handle it.
From being young and having a boyfriend at a young age who was controlling I would say don’t do it. Her boyfriend is going to use her for her money until it’s gone.
If she didn’t attend school and dropped out her check should have stopped immediately. Went through similar situation with my son, but he attended school and graduates. Social security office told me that he would NOT get the checks if he didn’t attend school as required
The daughter needs to know that not everything will go her way. That she can’t throw a fit and get things handed to her. If you give in your just as bad as she is. Your husband is much worse off with it than you are and if he’s being strong then so should you. Don’t enable her.
Stay out of it and let your husband do what he thinks is right, at the end of the day you will cause problems in your marriage just to keep some sort of peace with her. Think about how you would feel if the situation were reversed and he did that to you.
Keep a record of what is going on and let her take you to court.
Give it to her in November and don’t let them come back they keep harassing get emergency protection orders
Stick with ur husband. They are strapped for money, so I doubt she’ll start court proceedings cuz that costs money that she nor controlling bf has. She’ll be 18 soon enough.
Give It to her and let her go Discover America. Trust me she’ll be back wishing she listened to yall. Unfortunately you have to let people live their lives the way they want
Your husband has the right idea, follow his lead. I pray she comes around sooner than later
Stay by your husbands side, shes clearly in a very unstable and vile relationship, you dont know the circumstances behind why she wants this money, her boyfriend could be forcing her to get it so he can use it as much as she needs your support, you are gunna have to stick with what your husband says, I really hope she sees sense and chooses the safety you can provide over the relationship shes currently in
Stick with your husband
Listen to your husband. If the daughter gets it, that boy will spend every dime it sounds like
Go Dad Positive Parenting! Regardless of her tantrums hes doing the Right thing sticking to his guns. Support your man. You both love this child and want the best for her. Eventually she will understand and will make sense to her when she discovers this guys probably a big dick that her parents could see and she couldnt. Been there …Got the tshirt. Kia kaha
Don’t give it to her
Stick by ur husband and don’t give into.her!
Mind your business at the end of the day she’s gone and your home with ur husband
Don’t give in. If she isn’t in school, it stops!
stick to Ur guns. Clearly the bf is wanting the cash an control her more. Have to try and get her out off that relationship. Tbh I wouldn’t give her a dime whilst she is with him
She’s about to loose the SS payments soon, since she becoming and adult, and she’s it going to school. He’s probably taking her money, and he will get all that’s saved as soon as November comes along. She will be homeless soon.
Agree with the husband if she wants to act grown she can support herself! She wouldn’t get any money in fact it would go into a trust until 21 if she wants to keep behaving that way! If she wants to act like she’s grown she’s going to have to pay the consequences and survive on her own!
Her father, YOUR husband is handling this for HER own good. She’s acting like a brat. Stand by your man and have a united front, don’t let her bully you. I’m sure the young pinhead of a man, has something to do with this decision.
If I were her father I’d lock her ass in her room and make her go to school. She isn’t 18
I suggest getting a financial attorney and have the accumulated money put into a trust that she cannot touch until the age of 30. She should have her head on straight by then…
You won’t end the drama, you’ll just alienate your husband. I suspect if she does take it to court she will end up with the money anyway though. There’s not going to be any winners in this. Maybe convince your husband to see a counsellor dealing with family issues. Because the way this sounds currently she might end up never talking to him again. I know she’s making bad choices right now but if that’s not the result he’s hoping for he has to be the adult and change tack.
Support your husband
Don’t give it to her until she grows tf up
Give her the money and let her learn the hard way. The money is going to run out and she’s gunna learn a valuable lesson. Sometimes the hard way is the only way. Let her learn so she can realize she has to work hard for future money. Dont help her when she falls let her save herself .
She isn’t entitled to that money. As a parent of three children who collected death benefits I can tell you that this money was for her care. After 18 the money stops. Dad is right for keeping that nest egg because there will be expenses well after 18 that she will need money for. He should use his discretion regarding that money.
It’s all over once she’s 18! I’m having the same problems. Mine is 18 a few months now it’s been pure hell. Her bf is 27 and a coworker of mine. She’s spending all her money on on him. I’m at the end of my rope. Hood luck
Stick by your husbands decision. It’s for her own good in the long run.
Let your husband handle it. The boy will drop her if the money stop.
Do you guys pay for her health insurance, cell phone,car/car Insurance? If so, then u don’t owe her anything. That money is to be used to help her live and pay for things she needs. She chose to leave and not respect ur rules. If there’s money left over I agree give it to her when he can legally take his name off the account.
She will understand when she’s older what her father is doing for her now
Yall are doing the right thing stick with your husband because hes definitely doing the right thing
He can let her know if she needs clothes, food or other essentials he will buy those and bring them. He should also keep receipts and anything else leave in savings. Technically once the kid is not physically living there he should contact the social security office and have himself taken off of it. Essentially that is child support.
She’s only 17 it’s your own fault for not being a parent and just letting her run off like that your suppose to be the responsible ones and make her do what she’s suppose to like school and respecting ppl but no you took the easy way and let her do what she pleases I say clean up y’alls own mess and be real parents.
Make her wait, by giving in your teaching her if she throws a fit she gets it her way. When her by gets her spending all her money and she fallen hard she will come home greatful.
I wouldn’t give it to her at 18 either. If a judge says he has to then I guess dad has no choice but that boy just wants the money.
I’d put that money in a Trust Fund until she’s at least 25. Maybe the abusive boyfriend will have gone to kick rocks by then. Sounds like drama and a headache. Good on Dad though.
Stick with your husband… She needs to understand in life every action has a reaction… She was given all the options beforehand and chose her own path… Besides she needs to focus on getting her GED or Diploma… Not on money that will be gone in the blink of an eye…
Also keep record of her behavior, she will definitely be back once than money is gone…
Your husband is correct. Your way reenforces rewarding bad behavior. My hat is off to him.
Stick with your Husband’s way. She can’t do anything until she is 18. He is right to save it. She will appreciate it later. I am praying for your peace.
Stay out of it! This particular business is up to her father, NOT you!
Stand by your husband.
Your daughter is just trying to play on your sympathy; she knows what she’s doing…
stay out of it.back your hubby.its HIS kid.he sounds like he knows what hes doing.bf sounds like he wants her money.shes going to be broke real fast and come crying back to her dad.shes going to learn fast about adulting she wants to behave like one.dads got this leave him be👍
Your husband and your gut instinct about this guy is spot on! Sometimes tough love will make her realize her boyfriends true colors when she isn’t getting money every month. It is probably him pushing all of this to begin with… Hoping for the best outcome for all of you
Support your husband decision. He is right. Unfortunately your daughter is going to find out the hard way. Once she gets the money and it’s spent and gone the boyfriend will be gone too.
My kids dad died of an overdose. I also got social security for him. They direct deposited it into my account every month to use as I saw fit. I didn’t have to save it in an account for him. When he turned 18, he was still in high school. They gave us the option to keep giving it to me, or to give it to him directly. We chose to switch it to his bank account. I wonder why it is different for you
She’s 17 almost 18 if she’s living on her own she probably needs it for bills. Don’t do it without tour husband knowing it could cause problems. Good luck.
Tough love is just that, tough. But it’s toughest on those who are trying to do the right thing. Hopefully some day she realizes it. Support your husband and keep loving your daughter.
I think her father/your husband is doing the right thing.
Absolutely do not bow down and give her that money. No no no!!! Stick by your husband he is making the right decision!
I wouldn’t give her ANYTHING. I’m actually surprised you aren’t in trouble for truancy, being that she isn’t even 18. I’d be marching over to her boyfriend’s house and dragging her home!
Consciences to her actions!! Tough love
And also, if she dropped out of school, she’s no longer eligible to receive benefits and he will have to give any money back from the time she quit
… Drug test her (because this behaviour sounds a bit addict-ish)
Stand By Your Husband!!..
1000% it will all go to the bf… even after she turns 18 I’d only give her just enough. You know that bf will spending it not her and it’ll all be gone within a short time. They won’t save and they will think they have to have the best.
All I can suggest if she is struggling at school maybe help her into a trade it’s a hard thing to juggle but communication is the key unfortunately at that age they coming into there own and it’s so hard to watch but with encouragement it’s the best you can do
Don’t give in. If he’s controlling her he would be the one taking the money and using it not her.
Let her take you to court. She is underage and can’t legally take over the money.
If they harass continually that will count against her and any judge worth their salt will tell her to grow up
That would be irresponsible. Stick to the plan you’ll be happy you did in the long run.
I would stay out of it… It’s between them.
I feel maybe the bf is abusing her into getting the money … Just my thought … I have small children … But if my daughter had an abusive relationship i would have called the police if the boy was 18 or older!
Nope…your husband is doing the right thing and you should support him. She’s being a brat and he needs to stick to his guns with this situation. DON’T RELENT!!
He can actually call SS & have it stopped since she is not continuing with school or maintaining a passing grade. Then she will have no money to fight over. Staying in school & maintaining a passing grade is usually a stipulation of child/adolescent survivor benefits.
Check with SS.
Don’t give in to her demands she knew her dads rules.
Stick with your husband. She can threaten all she wants but if she is asking for that 200 a month she can’t afford to take you to court anyway
Dads rules and dad has final day I get it, it’s stressful but that’s how it probably would be done if he wasn’t around and she’d get a lump sum on her bday…… leave it be and let the dad handle it I agree with him sticking to his guns
I would so tell Social Security and the cops press harassment charges on him
Stand by your man, strength in solidarity.
Your husband is right. Social security ends when the child turns 18 unless they’re in college and that has to be proven that was a awhile ago. Hell it might just end at age 18 these days
Your husband does not have to give her the SS money that is for you and your husband to take care of her. My mother passed away when I was 10 and my father got SS for my sister and myself but used it for bills. She should be happy her father is so generous to give any of that money to her. Legally she has not a leg to stand on.
Stick to the plan. Upon turning 18 only give her a portion of it, but don’t let her know there is more in it. Save it for when she gets her head out of her ass and dumps the boyfriend. Or he dumps her first
Nope your husband is 100% correct! I’d wait till she’s 18 to give her access to that money.
The husband is right. Technically that money isn’t even hers. It was to support her growing up and you guys were able to save it. It’s not different than getting child support. I use that money to support my children. He could change his mind and she get nothing. And I think the courts would tell her the same thing. She’s not entitled to anything.
What your really asking is the legality of this. As long as the father is actually doing what he says and saving the money for her it shouldn’t be an issue. I mean honestly she should have never had the money anyways until she was at least 18, I’d have been saving it all along and making her work. Anyhow, your husband is within his rights to do what he’s done and the courts will see and agree with this. I would however do as stated above and if she NEEDS anything like food or clothing I would give to her and save receipts so she can’t come back later and say you owe her more than you do. Unless there is something you or your husband are doing legally wrong, this will be a quick and easy no to her from the courts. I would go to court don’t miss the date, and the judge will see what is going on. If your husband doesn’t go they will normally go with her request.
Stand by your husband, sounds like both are on drugs, and the only reason the boyfriend is with her is for her money.
Haaaa I’d move it to 21 years old!!! You think you’re grown enough to venture out/ live in this day and age at 17 without at least a high school diploma then you’ll keep that’s on you!!! High school diploma & an associate’s degree before funds would be released in yo name!!! Kudos to the father not being naive/ giving in & shame on the daughter wanting to be too grown before her time; bet she’ll recant/ regret when she’s 18+!!!
While I don’t agree with what I did as a minor, I was in the same exact situation. My mom passed of an overdose, and my dad was just not the support I needed. I moved out and social security transferred the funds to solely my name and mailed them every month. I didn’t need my dad’s consent to change the direct deposit information to paper check. I’m in PA if this makes a difference.
However, I agree with what your husband is doing. However, I definitely wouldn’t have let her move out at 17 to begin with. I’ve done all these things and look back wishing for the support I needed that maybe wasn’t “clearly stated.” If that makes sense.
Do NOT go behind your husband’s back and withdraw anything. She will thank you for this when she is older. I know you want to end the drama, BUT if you give in her behavior and choices will only continue to be the same. She needs to learn and your husband is doing the right thing. Be there to support him.
Have your husband apply for representative payee over the SSI money and give her an allowance after her monthly bills are paid
No she’s just gonna blow it all. Let your husband take charge and stand by him!!!
Ask her what she wants to do as in a job. A trade?
Stand by him. Because eventually that lil boyfriend she got will be gone or shell realize hes shit and wanna come back and then at least shell have the money still in a bank account.
Nope no way. He will take it and leave her high and dry. Husband will be mad at you and so will she.
Stand by your man!!! Support him 1000%… all the money will be blown very shortly after getting it if she gets it. Also, let her take you to court, she is under 18 and usually the court will see where her life is currently and the road she is on.
Keep an eye on her bf, sounds like how my ex was and even though he didn’t hurt me physically, he did mentally so bad I suffer with ptsd. He may be behind this.