Your husband is right. She is in no way acting like a responsible adult. Its called tough love. Let it play out
That money will be gone as soon as she gets it. Boyfriend will be out the door with it. I would talk to a lawyer to see what you can do legally to protect her money from the controlling boyfriend
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I think you should allow your husband to do this as otherwise all the money will be spent and she will be back for more
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That really isn’t even her money. It’s his money to help support her. That’s why his name is on it. Don’t give in to her fit throwing. If she wants to be on her own let her support herself. If she can change her ways and follow the rules then discuss it and see if she might or might not get some money, but with how she’s acting now, no way!
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Let her dad handle it. He should do exactly what he said. Once she’s 18 he can turn it all over to her. She will find out soon enough who really loves her.
Agree with him!!! She wanted to be “grown” let her figure it out!!!
If you allow her to control you now, it will continue for a life time. She is not mature enough to make decisions.
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Side with your husband. And he should set the savings that he is putting away into another trust fund she can’t touch until she is older. Legally there is nothing she can do. He is in charge of the money until she turns 18 so if he makes the decision for a trust fund…nothing she can do. It is still being used for her. And she needs more time to grow up. A kid doesn’t magically grow up when the clock strikes midnight on their 18th birthday.
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Dad is in charge of that. She is 17 and is not old enough to. Be away from home. Sbe could be classed as a runaway and money returned to ss. Dad decides how to use it for her care at home. Food clothes bills medication. She isnt a emancipated minor. She left.
It is her money if it to her. You all are not her mother and never will be gees way to controlling.
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If she is not going to school the SSI is gonna stop anyway, and what she has received already not going to school she is gonna have to pay back. Boyfriend will probably dump her with no money coming in.
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If this is a trust fund, I’m Pretty sure she can’t have it till she turns 18 by law anyways, but I I’m not too sure 
I’m 100% I’m agreement with your hubby. She wants to act grown, she needs to know there are consequences to her actions. Do not reward bad behavior!
If she goes to court and can get her emancipation, she can also claim her Social Security money. I don’t know how she is still getting it since she has dropped out of school. It should have been cut off if she quit. At least that is what happened with some people I knew who were collecting it. Sooner or later, hopefully sooner, she will wake up and realize how controlling her boyfriend is. Right now she is caught up in all the drama of rebelling and blinded by love. If he is so abusive, it should get old quickly.
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The responsibility rest on her to do or not do, but your spouse is right is his daughter. As a matter of fact she is old enough to bear her own burden, I will strongly advice to be very careful with her.
Support your husband. He’s absolutely got everything in control… keep it that way. She hasn’t kept her side of the bargain and she’s no longer a child. Remove yourself totally if you can. As my sister says…" who owns the problem?" If you want to take it on as your problem, then do it, but why would you want to???
Your husband is right she can wait till November they might break up because he won’t be getting any money from her .
Don’t give her a dime show her who her Parents are & who the boss.
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Had about the same thing happen to our family…keep the money in her account the boy friend sound like he is in control…so if it is really love they well go to work and stick by each othere and that well prove it to all then give her her money when she 21 a full adult. You are done all you can do, hardest thi g to DC o is wach while they tear their life apart but by holding onto the money She’ll have time to make him prove he really loves her and you’ll have time to see what kind of man he’s really going to be to her
Her dad is absolutely right. Any judge would agree with him. Shes not in a good place right now
1st it is not her money it was meant to raise her so it is your money not her money. You paid the bills, you provided house food medical etc.
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Once she turns 18 it stops . I know it is hard I would ride it out till she is 18 then at that point you just got to let go and let god
Stick to your guns Dad this is very sad .if you let her have it now its gone.Daughter also needscto understand life will be much better for her.
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If she’s under 18 she’s a minor and should listen to her father. Have a funny feeling she’s into drugs and boyfriend is abusive
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She was under 18 and you let her leave the house to be with a boyfriend you know is abusive. How about you get her in some counseling before she turns 18 and it’s too late? How about doing the hard thing and being the parents. Teenagers often freak out and scream especially when you tell them something they don’t want to hear. If your response is to throw them away you run the risk that the next time you get to decide things is when you choose cremation or burial.
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Your husband needs to increase the time until she is 21 years old. He probably should consult a lawyer just to cover his bases. Just tell her that you love her enough to say no. May God bless you all.
Dad is right. She’s not an adult yet (or mature enough to use the money wisely). I’d say the boyfriend is pressuring her… stick with dad honey…
If she goes back to school social security could continue after 18 I believe a friend of mine was able to if the school filled some things out. If she needs money I would ask her what she needs it for and pay the source directly. Ex: groceries ok let’s go shopping or ok here is a grocery gift card phone bill pay it with the funds etc. Your hubby could give a small allowance as well like here is $20 for the week for whatever you think you need.
If we’re me id have her bring whatever bills she has to dad, and have him pay it direct until she is 21 and legally her own payee. Unless she returns to schooling and is getting passing grades then Spending cash cut since she moved out and dropped out. Her own fault, she broke the deal. Def don’t go against what he says though would just undermine his authority and make it all worse. Then she just has ammo to cause problems between all of you.
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Listen to your husband. She’s in a toxic relationship
He’s bringing her down. Giving her / him the money now would be like rewarding bad behavior. I know it’s a bad situation now
but tuff it out
I received a social security check every month for my dad passing away when I was 12. When I turned 18, I started to receive the checks in my name. I was still living under my mothers roof but I spent that money on so much stupid things. I wish I had saved it but I was still a child. I say keep it until she grows up and actually will use it for something useful and not blow it like I myself did.
It wasn’t money to save amd give her. It is money to support her. She does not get it if she moves out. The father agould just let SSI no she doesn’t live with him anymore and they will stop the $$. Everything he got while she lived there is basically child support. It is to help the parent with living expenses. If the government wanted it to be given directly to the child at 18 then the government would have held on to it and givem it to her. She can go to court and fight all she wants, its not hers.
Stay out of it. Your husband’s plan was a good one. Stick to it.
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Absolutely do not give in!! Your the adult and you make rules! She knew the consequence’s. My 16 yr old quit school. I provided the bare necessitys. It took him a week of sitting home with no internet, phone, friend, rides… And privileges like drivng our cars, snacks and soda
He’s going back to school Monday!
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Honestly, I think the money can continue until she gets her high school diploma or age 19, you may want to verify info and try to talk to her about returning to school to obtain her diploma. Strike a deal with her if she is going to school and doing well you can give her the payment. one month at a time and at the end of month after you verified through the school. She can get her whatever is in savings at her graduation, the account would not grow after you started the payment for her to get her diploma.
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I’m sorry to be truthfully concerned about you and your husband but the with Famous Twins situation, I’m worried for y’all. If you say she’s being controlled the friend wants her money and you don’t even know what he’s capable of. She can’t wait one year until her 18th bday? Something smells fishy. Protect your self. Put that money into a trust fund with stipulations. Get the law involved here and Google the Fam0us Twins please. And I would only give her x$$$ a week through the bank so you won’t be involved. But also be wary about being physically forced by threat to give up the money by the controlling bf. This situation smells awful. You should seek help from someone in the real world not here. Her money should be withheld until she’s found capable of making sound choices. But I believe she’s being controlled by a batterer. I really don’t think she’s being this way because she wants to. This will get ugly. Sorry but be prepared and be careful.
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Technically he was responsible for his daughter until she was 18. That was his legal obligation, and if she left home, it was his responsibility to report that as a runaway. In the world of, “These are the rules of this house,” it shouldn’t be an option to just leave with an abusive boyfriend. It should have been counseling. The absolute worse part of parenting is developing the thick skin to not take teenage angst personally. (Yes, there are drug situations and situations that can become dangerous, and those have to be reported also.) If I were the dad, I would agree to give her the money at family counseling sessions until she is 18 and can then make up her own mind. I would also talk to her about moving home. Just don’t make it such a bad deal that she doesn’t feel she can’t go to them for help when she decides to get out of that situation.
She made her choice, tuff love is never easy.
I agree with her father that man she with and I use that term lovely is a boy and not a good influence no way would I give her that
I salute you being a mum to her. Reading through I assumed that you being a good mum. Your husband who is the father is 
right, don’t give it to her. If she turns up home again please give her some counseling and put her priorities right. Education gives opportunity towards financial security, having boyfriends or settling down with someone is the last in the list. She is a lucky girl to have parents like you. Discipline her. Thanks
Let your husband handle it. He’s doing a good job and family court won’t be her friend unless she’s in achool and behaving responsibly.
Your husband needs to stick to his decision . Hopefully, tough love will be worth it in the long run!
I’m more concerned about her relationship with this Guy… Have you seen bruises? Black eyes? Finger marks around her neck? Has she lost weight or put on weight? Does she still have her friends or has she stopped communication with them?.. I’m actually scared that she’s in an abusive relationship… I hope I’m wrong but if you’ve seen any or all of the above, you need to let her know that you are always there for her, and that you will keep her safe…
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I would not have told her to leave in the first place. I would have had a meeting with the 4 of you and addressed your concerns. Now we have a volatile situation. I still would have a meeting with the 4 of you and discuss it. I would suggest a drug test for both of them and if it is negative I would try and mend fences and perhaps guide them properly.
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Sounds like she heading for.a.train wreak with that boy bit she got.to.learn the hard way. I agree with husband and be united. If you can pit the money somewhere she can’t get at it until older. If you not in full time education do you even get money?? Sending g prayers xx
Support your husband and show tough love. Be very patient, she will come around
Just want to say that you all are going to get in trouble for not telling SS that she dropped out of school. You are going to have to give it back to SS. It’s till she’s 18 and or out of school.
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I also had social security from a parent death. My mother put it in a high interest bearing account for me to use when I’m much older. Custodial account. Technically he could have spent all that money as its for the care and upbringing of the child. Saving it isn’t required. It’s like child support. It’s a SIGNIFICANT amount of money in some people’s cases per month. I would not hand it over to her!!! Put it into a high interest bearing account whatever is left. When she turns 18 I believe he can no longer be in charge of it. Let her start her own account, whatever money she gets from November to when she graduates she gets to do whatever she wants with. It’ll technically be hers. Everything from before 18 can disappear into that account that she’ll get later when she’s in her right mind. I speak from experience! Technically she can keep getting it as long as she’s enrolled in school after she turns 18 and it ends when she graduates or at 19 I believe. Legally the court will laugh at her.
DO NOT GIVE IN. PLEASE. PM me whoever you are if you want. You are doing the right thing standing your ground and sticking up for her about the boy that is going to run her into the ground. Promise. God bless. Be safe. Do whatever right for your child’s future.
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Stand with your husband. She knew the rules and Consequences. She maybe thought her dad was bluffing but he wasn’t!! Now she mad but rules are rules that you are meant to follow your whole life so life lesson learned on her part
Not sure what state your in. But I know in my state your financial responsibilities until she is 18. As for her check, she gets weather in school or not. And you can’t save it up for her, or you pay 2 dollars on every dollar she gets if they see you are saving it for her. I know this because one of my kids tried this. It didn’t take him long to come home. But stick to your guns and don’t let her run your lives. Best of luck.
STAY STRONG! Don’t give in,she needs to learn that she created this problem with not keeping her word. (The boyfriend most likely is behind this)
The boy friend wants control of her money!! Hopefully she will really she doesn’t need someone controlling her!!! Stick to your rules to save your daughter from this control freak!!!
That money was for her father to take care of her. It’s not her money. Let her take him to court. My daughter got s.s.because her dad was 100% disabled. It wasn’t her money. It was for me to take care of her.
Her attitude sucks , but she did loose her mama. Grieving does crazy things to our hearts and minds I personally would give it to her but not til she turns 18 yes also only if that’s what and husband agree on .
That is so so very hard. I was an out of control teenager like that. Not the same things/drama but believed I knew what was best for me. I got sent to live with my aunt and uncle. It probably saved my life. I would stick to your guns. She will eventually see the boyfriend for what he is as it sounds like y’all provided a steady upbringing. She doesn’t have the money to take y’all to court #1.
The money goes to take care of her tell she is 18 by law your responsible for what happens to her tell then and when she turns 18 that money stops
Am not a parent yet, I may not know how is done in your country, but in mine, parents don’t send their 17 year old out to go leave with a boyfriend, no matter the tantrums she will throw, in fact that boyfriend will be dealt with that he will have to break the relationship himself. So please find a way of bringing your girl back home, that’s where you can help her more. It shouldn’t be about money or house rules, it should be about you protecting your child.
So sorry, but you cannot end the drama no matter what you do. Only this child can end something she created, and she will not do that until she grows up. . .if she ever does.
I’d keep it where it is she new what would happen nd ur husband give her it while she was staying in school nd grades where good she needs to learn this nd u should not go against ur partner end of the day if u do this u will be loss ur partners trust nd she would not of learned anything nd I don’t think she will pay to take u to court
Keep ups with the tough love! At 17 she’s still having tantrums and the boyfriend is probably behind it. Stick to your guns!!!
Whether your the real mum or the step mum, you need to stand United with your hubby over this. I can’t understand why you are even considering anything else. She needs to know that the door is always open for her to come home. I also agree that she should be at least 21 before she gets that money.
Give her what she needs food etc but not support boyfriend. Hubby is responsible till she is 18
Listen to your husband. She quit school and why should she have $$ to support a guy who probably only wants to live off her?
Stick your guns. If she wants to be treated like an adult then she needs to act like one. Throwing tantrums is childish. Her boyfriend is with her for the money only. It may take him hurting her to make her see it though.
Stick with your husband, she knew the rules when she left
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Stick with your husband. He was clear what he would do if she didn’t finish school. It is more than fair. If she couldn’t support herself she never should have left as she is still a minor. He told her what would happen and she made her choice. Choices have consequences.
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Stand your ground. This guy is scary. There are definite red flags with your daughters boyfriend controlling nature. You had a good relationship with her until this guy came into her life. Now there is nothing but strife. Stand with your hubby and pray for your daughters safety.
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Is this not money for her dad to raise her? So she isn’t necessarily entitled to it. Just because he saved it, doesn’t mean she gets it because she’s 18 in the eyes of the court. She can kick and scream all day but family court won’t be doing anything unless they emancipate her and then she might get “back pay” from the time she moved out but not the whole sum of what’s in her father’s account.
Do not give it to her! What lesson will she learn if you do? That it is ok to harress people to get what you want.family court will not go any where in her part; won’t even get to court before november. If her behavior has changed that much it sounds like she may be on drugs. Get her help, that is what she needs. If not drugs she needs serious help so she can figure out why she is letting bf treat her like that. Does she think she deserves it because of her mom? Dig deeper mama and use tough love.
He is buying her an opportunity to come to her senses after the charm and sex appeal wear off under the stress of living with him, especially if she doesn’t come with an instant bank account he can blow through. He could also get her drug addled quickly with the funds. If the situation she is in is bad enough, her father might need to see a lawyer about a guardianship.
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She’s a minor. I’m not sure why she was allowed to just move out with a controlling verbally abusive boyfriend because she was becoming defiant… Honestly you both still have parental rights and obligations to care for her and her safety. I think a mistake was made when she was allowed to leave the home. Obviously that was exactly what she wanted and only rewarded her bad decisions and bad behavior. She was given too much freedom and responsibility before she was ready for it and is now in a very bad spot. I can’t imagine how tough that is for your husband and you going forward but I wish you guys the best.
Tough love. She knew what she had to do and what the consequences would be if she didn’t. Hubby is right on.
Stick to your guns !! The boyfriend will be gone one day and if you give $ to her now that will be gone to . She may be mad now but she will thank you later
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Don’t give in
She has to learn that someone’s word means something and there are consequences to her actions
A teen with raging hormones is hard to control. They feel its them against the world. Parents should be 1 spoiler and the other a disciplinarian. Talk to her, keep an open communication with her. Give her money to get by. Be her friend. You raised her and know her. She is just a little confused at the moment.
He does NOT even have to give it to her at 18! That money was to raise her!
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Husband’s right. Family court won’t give her the money any way. By the time u got in there she’d be 18 lol. House rules r there for a reason. Hopefully she wakes up and leaves the dude.
When I married my second husband we both had kids from previous narriages …my dad tokd me I discipline mine and he does the same with his…let him do whats best…let him handle it including phone calls…
No dont give it to her, thats for her future, pictured it out if you give that money her boyfriend is very lucky. In a span of time that money will disappear like a wind.
No don’t the boyfriend is controlling her and she probably told him about the money and he wants it. I know because it happened to me. He’ll leave her broken once he’s got all he after
Def stand with husband and not reward the bad behavior. She’s clearly under control of this boy and he is seeing dollar signs. She didn’t follow the rules that was set for her. If we don’t follow rules in life we have consequences. So should she
You need to stay the hell out of this. Going against your husband’s decisions is the worst move. You gonna end up in divorce court, and the girl and the boyfriend gonna blow through that money like a hurricane.
You are doing what’s best for all concerned. Don’t fear Family Court. They will support your stance.
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Let her father handle it, he set the rules and is trying his hardest to get his daughter back and tow the line, if possible get the po lice involved if he feels she is unsafe.
I just wanna say girls can be so hard as they get into the ready to leave home stage. Keep reaching out a hand. I bet she grabs it back one day.
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hard decision to make, sorry what you are going through. ask her how she likes her living arrangements now? get her alone and tell her about bf being so controlling, she will be miserable her entire life with him. see if she changes her thoughts. good luck. he sounds like bad news and you and husband sound like great parents
Stick to your guns.Clearly hes got power and control over her and her choices are influenced by that.
Just be there for her communication wise and hopefully in time you will be reunited.
It wouldn’t hurt to inform local DV police liaison to make a welfare inquiry.
If she is not a full time student she should not be getting that money in the first place. Her father is correct in not giving in to her. Make it clear to her that you look forward to seeing her in family court where you will tell them about her not being in school full time and she will be responsible to send all that money back to SS that she got while not in school.
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Perhaps some counselling would help you all but ultimately I’d leave that decision up to your hubby. Hopefully his strength will in the end save her.
My kids all did it by themselves ! Married or single . I didn’t have anything to give them but on rare occasions. They learn independence and Pride and become well rounded adults .
What’s written in stone, should stand, he didn’t not raise her to fall short, she chose that path. Let her take y’all to court. If guidelines are in place, let it be. She’ll learn real quick.
You & your husband need to stay on the same page…if you over step & take out the money…,i dont see that ending well between the two of you…good luck & prayers to your family!
Let her take him to court! If she wins she will be paying the attorney a lot of money. I don’t think she will win though
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Dont do that. Support ur husband 100%. Her boyfriend is hanging around bc of de money. Once de money is gone he is gone.
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Your husband is right. He gave her a way to get her money, and she blew it. Which is exactly what she and her boyfriend will do if she gets that money…blow it. Her behavior is unacceptable. Do you think she herself is on drugs? If her behavior suddenly flipped it’s possible this boyfriend of hers has gotten her into some things that could ruin her life. She can threaten to take you to family court all she wants, but the likelihood of her even following through is pretty slim. You said she’s 17? She can deal with it until she turns 18. Tell her to go ahead, take you to court. Total waste of time considering she turns 18 in 3 months. You most likely wouldn’t even get a court date before then. Keep any and all harassing messages to be used as evidence of her behavior, request a drug test on her. See what her reaction is to that. But let her throw her fit, tell her to follow through or shut up, but stand your ground.
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Stick to your guns and put in an annuity for when she turns 30. She’ll thank you later
You should personally stay out of it. This is between your husband and his daughter. It would be really disrespectful if you went against him. If possible maybe he could have the money put in s trust until she gets a few years older.
I mean in November it will hers so by then she will be able to have it. Maybe try to have mother daughter lunch once a week. As way to try to get her back to trusting you. She 17 who very confused about love. Sorry you are dealing with this.
I think she needs to take a ride with her dad to SS and let them lay it all out for her. And have them tell her no school no checks and that’s not her private money to blow it for her expenses living in dad’s home. And he could give allowance if he wanted.
Her and boyfriend need a reality wake up.
I’m pretty sure you can get the law involved. She’s still a minor. They can go pick her up and bring her home. I know a family who’s 17 y/o ran away, and they picked him up and brought him home because he was under 18.
I would also look into seeing if it’s possible to get the account changed to where she can’t get the money until she’s 21. If so, do it. She will probably come to her senses between 18 and 21 and change her ways.
Honestly, if she wants to act irresponsible like this and continues to go against her father, maybe he should keep it in savings until she is 21.