What Should I Do About This Situation With My Boyfriend (Even Though Our Relationship Might Be Over)?

Relationships
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QUESTION:

"I just don’t know what to do. Or I do possibly, but my heart’s fighting me on it.

My boyfriend decided he doesn’t want to move in together, and I let him take over payments on my car, so I could get a new one, and he needed a new one desperately. We were supposed to get a house together, but he decided he needed to be on his own for a while, he lived with his parents due to child support payments.

Well, now I can’t qualify for a house on my own, and he doesn’t qualify for a car loan on his own. I can try to sell the car and make up the difference but that also leaves him without a car. I’m so lost. I’ve prayed a ton over it. I know I need to do what’s best for myself and my children."

RELATED QUESTION: How Can I Build My Credit?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

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“I would sell the car. If he doesn’t want to move in with you he may have other ideas in his head. Why help him if he is not that interested in you?”

“‘I know I need to do what’s best for myself and my children.’ You already answered your own question. Get your car back and do what you need to do for your kiddos and yourself. He has made his decision… please make yours.”

“Take the car and sell it. You need to think about yourself and the kids first. He decided to back out so he can pay the consequences. It’s not up to you to make sure he is taken care of. It is up to him.”

“Sell the car. If he doesn’t want to grow with you, then you don’t owe him any favors. Need to put yourself first.”

“The last sentence of your statement is your answer. Worry about the people who are with you for a lifetime, not for anyone who is temporary.”

“LISTEN TO HIM. He doesn’t want to move in which basically tells you he’s not ready. Don’t put your kids through that. Sell the car and take care of yourself and your kids. Let him worry about himself.”

“A boyfriend should never come before you and your children. He decided not to move in with you so that’s his problem. You take the car back and sell it. Sounds like he needs to figure out his issues before he moves into a house and takes on more responsibilities.”

“Sounds like he’s flaking out on you. He’s afraid of commitment. I would look out for you and take the car and sell it. Get yourself and your life set up. But make it so you don’t have to depend on him. The house and all the things you want will come. I have been there. If it’s meant to be he will follow in suit. If not, you will find someone better that will add value to your life, not take from it.”

“Sell the car. Let him man-up and figure out how to get a car of his own. Sounds like he’s trying to let go of you slowly keeping his options open.”

“He sounds selfish, immature, and not serious about building a life with you and your kids. Leave him and sell your car. It’s pretty simple in my eyes. Take care of your kids no matter what.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

82 Likes
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I would sell the car. If he doesn’t want to move in with you he may have other ideas in his head. Why help him if he is not that interested in you ?

18 Likes
3

Think if yourself and. Kids before you take on his problems, let him deal with his own problems as he is letting you deal with yours. If there’s not equal benefit in the situation, then one is left losing and that’s not fair. Make sure it’s a win win situation with a man like that. He doesn’t seem to be feel obligated to you so you should have that same energy towards him.

5 Likes
4

If the car is in your name best not let him make “payments” I wouldn’t trust that at all!! They will come after you not him.

7 Likes
5

Take the car and sell it. You need to think about yourself and the kids first. He decided to back out so he can pay the consequences. It’s not up to you to make sure he is taken care of. It is up to him

9 Likes
6

A boyfriend should never come before you and your children. He decided not to move in with you so that’s his problem. You take the car back and sell it. Sounds like he needs to figure out his issues before he moves into a house and takes on more responsibilities.

5 Likes
7

I have always felt sorry for people and did what was best, so I thought. I was the only one who got screwed!

8

Sell the car. He is using you.

5 Likes
9

Sell the car. Let him man-up and figure out how to get a car of his own. Sounds like he’s trying to let go of you slowly keeping his options open.

4 Likes
10

You answered your own question

11

You do for yourself an your children. He obviously isn’t taking into consideration you or your children.

12

Way too many issues with this dude. Sell your car and buy a new one. Work on your credit/income for the next year or 2 and buy your own house. It sounds like this guy needs to get his affairs in order and you need to take care of yourself and kids not him.

5 Likes
13

Sell it. Don’t ruin your credit.

14

Sounds like maybe he’s lost interest or found someone new but still needs you financially for the car. Sell it. Do what YOU have to do for YOU. That’s what he seems to be doing :woman_shrugging:t3:

7 Likes
15

Sell the car girl,don’t think twice about it.

1 Like
16

Definitely don’t let him have it like seriously sell it he has other plans he probably wants the car and run he wants a car he should get his own not your problem

17

Your kids come first. He is thinking of himself and “needs time to himself” so I take that as you need to move on. Sell the car and provide for your family. He isn’t thinking or caring about you and your needs just what is beneficial to him. He will use you until you have nothing left. Imo I would find someone who doesn’t have so many issues and who cares about you and your children. I wish you the best

2 Likes
18

I’d worry about myself and kids if I were in your shoes.

19

Sell the car. If he doesn’t want to grow with you. Then you don’t owe him any favors. Need to put yourself first.

6 Likes
20

Sounds like he’s flaking out on you. He’s afraid of commitment. I would look out for you and take the car and sell it. Get yourself and your life set up. But make it so you don’t have to depend on him. The house and all the things you want will come. I have been there. If it’s meant to be he will follow in suit. If not you will find someone better that will add value to your life not take from it.

4 Likes
21

You know what to do. Sounds like he’s made the decision to do what’s best for him…which didn’t include you…so I don’t need to say anymore.

4 Likes
22

Bring up selling the car. How he responds is how you’ll know if you should be with him or not. Explain your situation and why you need to sell it. If he gets mad, take the car and sell it. If It’s yours and the loan is in your name. It’s yours. Understandably, he will be mad at first. But if he calms down and tries to understand why and helps you figure out what to do, he cares about you and helping you (not just himself). It seems like he is afraid to commit to your relationship, but would use you as a way to have a car. I’m not saying he’s not interested in you anymore, but if you take the car (or just suggest it) and he breaks up with you, he was just staying with you for the car.

23

Look out for you…always.

3 Likes
24

“I know I need to do what’s best for myself and my children.”

You already answered your own question. Get your car back and do what you need to do for your kiddos and yourself. He has made his decision…please make yours.

14 Likes
25

The last sentence of your statement is your answer. Worry about the people who are with you for a lifetime, not for anyone who is temporary.

6 Likes
26

If he is the father of your children and needs the car to transport them and go to work for them, then let him pay the payment on it just write up a contract between you and him. But if the car is what is holding you back from getting a house then I would sell it.

1 Like
27

Your number one priority is to Your children always honor them not a boyfriend you’ll never regret it let him stand on his own feet, let him get a hoopie it’s really his problem he sounds kinda sketchy anyway

2 Likes
28

Sell the car. Your children are important, not him.

29

There’s your answer. He changed the plan,he is looking out for himself. Now you must do the same or change your plan. Best of luck.

2 Likes
30

Its your car Sell It.
His worries shouldnt be yours if he doesnt even wanna live in same household. Fuck em

31

LISTEN TO HIM. He doesn’t want to move in which basically tells you he’s not ready. Don’t put your kids through that. Sell the car and take care of yourself and your kids. Let him worry about himself.

5 Likes
32

Fakkkkk him. Sell the car, your kids come first

2 Likes
33

Fuck him then…you got no kids and no roots together…do what you need to do to get you right…he obviously doesn’t want those types of perks of being in a serious relationship so he doesn’t get the luxury of you helping him out like you are still in one

34

Sorry … sell car and do what’s best for you . He decided to not move in so that shows me he’s on his own

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35

Your responsibility is for your kids and yourself. He can make decisions that benefit you and not himself like taking care of child support for other kids. He’s changed his mind about the car too next and you are going to be screwed over. You don’t owe him anything and be grateful he has decided to stay away. You don’t need a man child. You decide to be on your own too. Trust your gut here. You can wish him well far away from you.

2 Likes
36

You need to do what’s best for you and your children not what’s best for him sorry.

1 Like
37

Watch judge Judy! Unless your married no financial help unless you get it in writing and notarized. Keep detailed records.

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38

He sounds selfish, immature and not serious about building a life with you and your kids. Leave him and sell your car. It’s pretty simple in my eyes. Take care of your kids no matter what.

3 Likes
39

Sell the car… I dunno if he’s actually paying the payment or if u are but…if he wants a vehicle then let him try n get it switched to his name… If he can’t then u should be looking out for yourself. Imo

40
  1. Look into Dave Ramsey. He will change your life dealing with finances.
  2. If you are not married do not cosign- take over payments none of that. It makes you liable. Get rid of it. It’s his problem.
    Look out for you
2 Likes
41

Only person u need to do anything for is u, and ur kids

1 Like
42

Sell damn car he wanna be on his own he can pay his own damm car. He sounds like mooch and he fucking around on side

43

If you have no children together then live is really too short to worry about a boyfriend. Look out for yourself just like he did. Invest in YOU. Don’t care about how he finds transportation🤷🏽‍♀️

3 Likes
44

He isnt your problem. Move on sell the car

4 Likes
45

Been in this situation. Run! Get out!

2 Likes
46

If you sell the car you can maybe get the loan bc your debt to income ratio will be better or make him buy it from you.

1 Like
47

Sell the car and be done with him girl!

2 Likes
48

Take care of yourself.

1 Like
49

Does this mean he’s not going to pay for your car anymore? Where are you living now before the plan to move in together.

50

Key word “Boyfriend “ :bangbang: there are no guarantees with one of them :bangbang::100: do what you have to , to better your situation. You gave him the opportunity to jump onboard and he abandoned ship so sell the car and get ya house girl

1 Like
51

Why do you even need to ask? Kids come first always, bf flaked on you, dont flake on them by running after him. Get a roof over they’re heads, get your car back and dont look back

2 Likes
52

Take care of yourself and your children he walked out on you so his problem it’s his problem do what you have to do for yourself

1 Like
53

He is an adult. Yes, we all need help from time to time. This though, this isn’t that sort of help.
You have children that are completely depending on you for support. They are not adults with alternatives available to them, he is.

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54

Boy bye. Not to be blunt but you asked. You need to do what’s best for you. He is bringing you down. I’m editing this after re reading your question…you have kids? I’m sorry but your babies come first and foremost. They need a safe vehicle and safe and comforting home to call their own. Boys are a dime a dozen. And I say boy cuz a man wouldn’t out a single mother in a situation like that.

8 Likes
55

He is ur boyfriend, he isnt serious as u would want. He knows u have children and need to make decisions correctly. U aren’t his mother nor the cause of his problem that he can’t get a car etc.

U have done what u did, nd he will continued to take if u let it. If he isnt ready for big man pants then girl, let him be and thank him. He gnna waste ur time, money and benefits in life. He isnt ur problem. Do what’s best for yourself and your children.

3 Likes
56

Kids first…if you can’t afford it, shouldn’t be question

1 Like
57

You two are not on the same page, doesn’t look like a good match. Might be time to move on.

58

Tell him to buy the car outright from you or you are going to have to sell it do you can get a house for your kids

2 Likes
59

You need to sell the car and get your house. The rest will fall into place. Trust me, make sure you’re good even if you love him

5 Likes
60

Your kids come first no matter how much you love him sell the car. He made his decision he has to deal with that. He doesn’t have what’s best for
your children in mind you have to . Your decisions have to be made on what’s best for your children

1 Like
61

It sounds like you are more concerned about his needs than your own. Take care of you and your child. Drop his lame self.

2 Likes
62

Honey ur the only one that’s at a loss cause he could care less about you. Id leave now before its to late

1 Like
63

You and your kids are what matters boyfriends come and go. Listen to your gut. Seems like he doesn’t want relationship he just wants the car

1 Like
64

You need to protect and help yourself first.

1 Like
65

He has made the best choices for himself without a second thought to you and your children.
Now you need to do the same. Let me tell you a secret. If a man will live with a woman and she gives freely of herself. Meaning cooking, cleaning, laundry, sex, money. He has no intention of marring you. Where there is no commitment in marriage there is no concern for anyone but himself. So if you want a companion and a Booty call keep it at that don’t mess with your kids getting close or don’t help him with his problems. Keep it simple or move on in hopes of finding a good man that will commit to you and your children.

105 Likes
66

Don’t let him move in when u get yr new home…get a home for yr kids. Let him worry bout getting a car. Hes a man time for him to act like it. Or tell him buy yr car out right from u.see if u can put car in his name not yrs.like u sold it to him. Take care of yrself and he can take care himself since he doesn’t want to live together.

21 Likes
67

Take care of yourself. Do the best thing for yourself. He shouldn’t depend on you for a car. He is using you.

45 Likes
68

Sell the car. You gotta look out for yourself and your kids and your credit score. Sell the car look out for number one. He needs to get a life and get his own car. Worry about you.

32 Likes
69

Time to grow up Lady. Life is HARD.but make wise choices or you will keep breaking not only your heart but your children’s too. They are your priority until they are of age.

8 Likes
70

Well hate to point out the obvious.Not to send you a stinger. But if your praying you already know God the Father Almighty of Heaven. You already know you should not being living with your boyfriend. It’s not a tradition thing either its a covenant thing. You make a covenant to be married then buy a house. Without that covenant nothing will ever work out.

13 Likes
71

My question is do you love this man more than your kids and yourself? Sounds like he’s using you for what he can get, I didn’t read one thing that he’s doing for you or your kids.

24 Likes
72

First thing is don’t live off of your boyfriend…sounds to me like your looking for a hand out from him…don’t do it. you’ll regret it…if you have to get 2 jobs…be on your own its easier in the long run if the relationship goes south easier to walk away…do not commingle your money, keep your own check book, once you turn it over to him…your doomed… watch Judge Judy…she says don’t do it, the courts are not set up to split your assets if you are not married, and You said he makes child-support payments…that should tell you his story…Don’t do it…

9 Likes
73

Run, don’t walk, away from him! Do whatever you need to do to completely separate yourself from him. Please trust me on this. You will hurt, but in the long run, you’ll be so glad you did - for you and your children.

42 Likes
74

Neither of you is ready for a serious relationship. You each need to be on your own and to get your individual finances straightened out. Stop combining anything that has to do with money! Get your car back. You need to establish your own credit. And you need to be independent. Do not live together! You are in enough of a mess now.

4 Likes
75

You need to not with the boyfriend. Your children need you. Let him figure out his own problems. He has told you he doesn’t want to be with you. Your kids on the other hand not only need to be with you they probably want to be with you. Stop wasting time.

14 Likes
76

Take care of yourself !! Been in this exact situation. You need to do what helps you now am lift head high and know you deserve better. It will come !!

2 Likes
77

Don’t live with this man. Be careful with him taking over the car payments. Don’t sign anything with him especially if he decides to leave or vice versa. Keep your kids close, start putting money away for yourself.

11 Likes
78

Sadly I have to say you must protect yourself. I only know because I’ve been there. Take care of yourself and children.

2 Likes
79

As a Man? A woman living with a guy not married! Well your giving him the privileges of a marriage without the commitment! Not wise and not a good example to your kids!
Dint know where you are Spiritually God created you! And the Bible is the owners manual for out lives!
Read it! Start with the book of John!

3 Likes
80

When I was healing from a particularly difficult breakup I posted a note to look at everyday that said “rejection is God redirecting you to something better”

3 Likes
81

Mm… even IF you get together… always keep your own staff… don’t joint ANYTHING… you never know what can happen tomorrow… don’t let him get nothing from you as your car, house or credit…I am sorry… he’s not ready for a relationship with nobody

82

You are already in a place in your life where you don’t want to waste time being with someone who doesn’t want to build a life with you. He knew you had kids, men know when they date someone with kids…daddy role is coming up quicker then if you guys are both single and no kids. If he’s not looking to settle down and help build a home with you, then he’s not the right person for you. You need to worry about you. And trust me there will be someone out there that will see how amazing you are and know you can do it all on your own…but they won’t want you too. That’s the right person. He’s not. He may care about you…but not enough to not be selfish and think about what you need as well.

83

You are wrong acting like husband and wife and you are not married
Give me the car. I will take over the payments
Stop helping an ungrateful man
Inbox me

8 Likes
84

Sounds to me like he’s got to grow up. Why would you be spending money on a man who’s not taking care of you and the kids? You need to put yourself in those kids first :heart: so that car so fast he don’t know what hit him.

85

If he has made the last 12 months payments from his own account you can have this debt omitted from your debt ratio( unless he has made late payments & depending what type of financing you are trying to do)

1 Like
86

Please love your children and your self enough to walk away from this person. I have been there and should have left years before I did and we were married

8 Likes
87

Low blow from someone who was going to be a partner? Sell the car. No longer your problem, and go forward. Hearts mend.

2 Likes
88

Don’t let him use you to get the car, I’ve seen so many women get thrown into financial turmoil by a male playing on a woman’s kind heart. It goes both ways but in this case the male is guilty.

4 Likes
89

If he doesn’t want to get married then you think of you and your kids. If he doesn’t want to help you get a house then let him be responsible for getting his own car and you make decisions for you and your kids until the person comes along that does want to help you and marry you.

2 Likes
90

tough situation- he made his choices though. if his name isn’t on the paperwork that’s not your problem, he’s on his own- that’s his choice, not yours

2 Likes
91

Isn’t it interesting how when in situations like this, we literally state in our question/predicament the answer to our 50 part question?..

2 Likes
92

Run as far away from that guy as you can’. He’s using you!

2 Likes
93

Sell the car and let him walk. You and your children will be better off in the long run. Find an apartment you can afford for you and your kids

3 Likes
94

See if the finance company will do a transfer of equity putting car in his name

2 Likes
95

As judge Judy would say. Who gives a :rat: behind if he’s without a vehicle…Does he care about you not being able qualify to get a home for you and your family.?.He’s satisfied and content along with a car and no hassle also has a home with his mother…Sell YOUR CAR and let him continue to live at (mom’s) maybe she will get her little boy a car on her credit. But to each his own.

96

He needs to stand in his own. There is public transportation for a reason.

2 Likes
97

Sell the car. Look out for yourself. Move on to different boyfriend without baggage.

1 Like
98

Put your survival as a priority
On your own
Don’t worry about him
Look for grants for mortgages for single moms
Do not let him ruin your credit

1 Like
99

Your last comment is SPOT ON…you need to do what’s best for your kids and yourself.He doesn’t sound like the kind of guy who can handle his own life let alone a family.Sounds like he’s been using you as well.All your prayers are being answered if you pay attention.Open your eyes.Dont worry about him…get your old car back.Hes a big boy…let him figure it out.You better move on without him before getting pregnant becomes an issue.Tell yourself over and over…I AM SELF SUFFICIENT,I NEED NO MAN,I CAN HANDLE THIS MYSELF.TEACH IT TO YOUR KIDS TOO.:angel:t3::pray:t2:

100

Sell the car and get rid of him. Your kids should come first. What is wrong with No man should come before your kids

3 Likes