Question…my kids father is not very present in their lives. They go there one day a week, every other week. He says it’s because he doesn’t have any time, truth be told, he is just too busy with his girlfriend. They were there for a sleepover last night. He spent all of this time on his phone, made them a half assed dinner, forgot to give them their meds and let them stay up till 1:40am. I called around 8 to check on them, they complained of being bored, hungry and that they hadn’t gotten their meds. I told them maybe their dad was just having a bad night, and reached out to him. He said he had snacks for them and that he would give them their pills. He messaged me 50 minutes later, saying he didn’t have money to buy any snacks and the kids didn’t want triskets or olive infused cheese. I sent him $25 for snacks and said make it work. Then this morning, I find that he went and bought beer and a banana for each of them with the money. This morning they woke up at 6:15ish. He slept in from being on the phone all night. Didn’t wake up till 8:40. He didn’t feed them until 9am. And all he gave them was a slice of pineapple each and half a chewy bar…should I not be upset? Cause I am fuming!!! Once the boys got home, and my oldest told me everything-my fiance and I made them pancakes, bacon, eggs and some OJ. I just don’t understand why a grown man would neglect their kids like that…like, you had them for LESS THAN 24 hours. Wtf is wrong with you?!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What should I do about this situation?
Perhaps you should stop sending your children to his house if at all possible until (IF) he can get responsible.
Maybe he’s an alcoholic/addict
Document everything…revisit all of that in court after u feel you have gathered enough evidence. Video recordings…have each child physically write down their experiences…after they return to your house
Mine is the same way. I feed her before, send food over and have a meal ready when she gets home. Courts don’t want to hear it and the minute you don’t send them he has you back in court.
Sorry I’d be PISSED!
Document everything, don’t think I would send them again. Go to court
That’s normal. My ex husband was the same way with my girls. That’s why he doesn’t see them. Aside from the fact that he’s an addict, not consistent, can’t hold down a job or his own place. He likesd being around when it made him look good. So I cut him off.
I wouldn’t be sending them anymore.
Mine wouldn’t go back, he can take me to court and I would make him look like a jackass
Don’t send them. Let him take you to court if he even has the ambition and $ to, then tell Judge why you haven’t been sending them over.
I hope it’s not court ordered for them to go there for their sake. That’s awful, and honestly in my opinion, abuse. I definitely recommend having the kids write their experience down if possible or record them saying it at the very least and keep it for records. If it’s not court ordered I’d definitely stop sending them.
Their father is a child too.that’s why he is an ex lol
If it’s not court ordered for them to go then don’t make them go.
Document everything too. If there is a court order in place take him back to court and ask for supervised visits .
Sounds like my ex husband… except he would have spent the money on drugs. Is your ex an addict? Because it kinda sounds like it. If stopping the visits isn’t an option, I would at least send them with some toys and food but make sure whatever isn’t used is sent back. Document every single thing and take him back to court to have the visits stopped until he wants to act like an actual father.
Send food with them. That’s what my dad did when I went to see my mom. And they were up till 1:40 and up at 6:15? That’s odd. I’m wondering how old they are. Are they old enough to dig for their own snacks? I mean, I give my kids triscuits and if they don’t eat em… well, guess you aren’t that hungry. Just like tonight, he wanted a snack, I have him a mini pack of nutter butters but “he wanted a different snack” well I want to not have to drag the stool out to dig something blindly out of the basket on top of the fridge… lol MY mom used to say “want in one hand…” you get the drift.
Document everything and take him back to court and show he can’t even handle them one day
My opinion dnt send them back. And she shouldn’t have to send food he should provide for them him self .I wouldn’t keep up 2 places myself I did b4 but not no more
Totally agree with everything you said
Why O WWHHHYYYY would you send your poor kids into an environment that starves them, medically fails them, and doesn’t care if they are successful in school??? I guess you want them to turn out JUST LIKE HIM… A L8SER AND BAD PARENTS??? A Mothers job is to PROTECT THEIR CHILDREN not destroy them.
If it’s not court ordered I wouldn’t let him have them overnight anymore. And document everything if it is court orders try to get that to change since he can’t handle having them overnight. Also you will have the documents incase he pushes for court ordered overnights if he doesn’t already have them.
If it’s a court order you are going to have to follow it, & make sure your children have their needs met as best you can. Send food for them that they can easily get to & eat when they want. Lunchables, Uncrustables, pop tarts, juices & water. Order a pizza for delivery.
As far as their meds, if he doesn’t give them, have the children TEXT you & ask for them. It’s a must… For documentation.
Keep grocery receipts for what you send there. Get a receipt for food you have delivered there.
Keep a record of statements by each child upon return of how the visits went. Keep record of missed visits, missed medications, & tell him he is either going to take their time & health seriously, or you are going to ask the courts for supervised visits.
IF there’s no court order, you tell him he is going to stop overnights & just take them out for the day & evening & you will pick them up right before bedtime.
Document everything, every little thing that happens when the kids go with him. It’s apparent that his phone & gf are more important than his children anyway.
*get a notebook and make notes from each child of what happens and make sure you date it too.
Yes, you have every reason to be upset. If he spent your money on alcohol and spent his time with the kids on the phone, I’m wondering what other destructive decisions he’s making. If he lacked money for a few snacks, cereal and milk, I suspect that he’s struggling financially. Did he lose his job? If so, was alcohol the cause? Is he paying child support?
You need to look into this immediately. If his drinking has become a problem, you must protect your kids.
In any case, Call your lawyer once you have the info. You’ll likely want to rework your custody agreement.
If it’s court ordered next time they go make sure cas or what ever your district is called is heading there. Call police for a wellness check as they will document everything. And it can be used in court. If not court ordered either don’t send them or go to court for supervised visits but before asking make sure you have all the evidence you need prior to starting court.
This is why I’m thankful my ex lives with his momma. I know she takes care of my kids in his visits. When it’s just him breakfast is at noon and lunch is around 3 and forget about dinner. And nothing is homemade. It’s always out to eat. And nothing healthy
Yes you should be angry. That’s F*Ed up to the extreme.
If it’s court ordered take him back to court, if your oldest is old enough to tell you what happens at dads then there’s a chance the judge will allow their testimony. If it there’s no official custody agreement don’t send them back unless he makes some serious changes and efforts… IE taking you to court to work out some official rules
Don’t send them till he can pull his head in its not hard to feed your kids decent meals so their bellies are full, give them their meds they need and pay attention to them for one night! If I was his gf I’d be telling him the same thing he should have enough food already for when they come stay and anything else they need you shouldn’t have to give him money for it sounds like my oldest kids bio father I stopped sending my son there.
Call CPS and get Every instance documented and go back to court for all rights.
Unacceptable an I wouldn’t send my kids back
Well I’d be making it to where he was getting supervised visitations and yea I’d be livid. Especially the fact he didn’t properly feed them and spent your money on beer. Definitely go back to court and come up with something that doesn’t put them in the position to be neglected in his care.
I would be absolutely raging!!! My blood is boiling just reading what what he did with your kids. If my childrens Dad done this I would completely lose it! I wouldn’t want them going back there again but for the sake of the children I would be having very stern word with him, I’d make sure he knew how serious I was & then I’d warn him that if it ever happened again then the kids will never be back! He would get one chance and thats it. My heart could not handle them going there knowing that they may be sat starving. I couldn’t send them somewhere knowing that they may not be looked after properly. I can’t believe that selfish prick used your money to buy himself beer & only got the kids a piece of fruit!! He’s a disgrace of a man & a father! I hope your little ones are ok
They’d never go back
This is very hurtful I’m a grown women now but this is exactly how my dad was we only had to go for one week a summer n he never had anything my mind would drive the 4 hours n go shopping do that we would have food for that weekend n we might have seen him for a few hours other wise he was gone with one of the six women. I stopped going after the second summer I was six. I still remember going through that n how my feelings were then and now. He is still the same he doesn’t even see my kids I was 20 when I had my first son and he wanted to be a part of that lasted maybe a few months n still to this day it’s only when it’s convenient for him I live five minutes from him n have yet to see him this year. There comes a point where the kids will see n start refusing to go. Let the kids tell him they don’t want to ho bottle up those fuming moments of hurt ( because I know you just want to protect them that’s why you sent money) but they will see his true colors. I’m so sorry that he is that kind of person it’s absolutely heart breaking. Get the boys into counciling to help them move forward with those feelings now before they are older and have that abandonment feelings it’s a hard one
Idk while I get what you are getting at, most of this seems a bit far fetched. Like they don’t want to go but he’s trying. So they make things more outlandish than they are.
Mine wouldn’t be going back!! Especially him buying beer instead of food for his children, which he knew they were coming and food should have already been there for them. He’s selfish and too immature to give any kind of care to th
Do the kids want to go over there? If not don’t make them.
This is surely neglect of basic care.
I’d be documenting everything and taking him to court. Best case for him is supervised visitation. He doesn’t deserve anything else.
He sounds totally irresponsible. Unless it’s court ordered visitation and he actually cares, I wouldn’t send them. If you are sending them back I would for sure send food along, that way you’re not buying his beer.
Honestly I wouldn’t let them go back to stay overnight until he pulls he head in. That is definitely neglectful parenting! He spent your money on alcohol when it was for food for the kids.
That’s child neglect, for my kids safety I would not allow them go there anymore and if this visitations are court ordered I would go first thing in the morning and request an emergency hearing . Poor children at least they have you and your fiancé
That’s why you are no longer with him cause he doesn’t sound fit as a dad or husband. Good luck
If its not court ordered for them to visit,then they wouldnt go. And then if he decided to take you to court give your lawyer all your supporting evidence on this subject.
You didn’t mention their ages. A lot of it depends how old they are. If they’re old enough to a judge. I’d get a lawyer & sue him for full custody, supervised visits. You should not have to pay him to visit your kids.
Don’t send them again and call social services… what a selfish despicable thing that so called dad is.
He shouldn’t have bought beer with your money. If you have to then send snacks. But it sounds like he’s depressed. None of its right but that’s what it sounds like. I’m sorry
Wow that’s really messed up .
I wouldn’t send them over there anymore.
Yea stop taking them. I would. Until he makes them a priority
Ordinarily I would say what happens at his house is his business, but this is literal neglect. If it were me I’d do what I had to do to not allow them to go over there and spend the night anymore.
They wouldn’t be going back!
Sounds like my ex, he would have them one afternoon and I had to put into the court order that he would supply them with a healthy dinner while there that day.
Never did, not once.
Would do the same thing, claim broke and then spend the kids money on alcohol.
Kids would complain about being bored and broken promises.
But you know what, when he passed away the kids didn’t even shed a tear.
I was so worried about telling them and they just didn’t care, that fucked me up a little. But he did it to himself.
When mine had to go to his dad’s he never felt comfortable to ask for food and said his step brother always told him the snacks were for his lunch and his brother so he would always tell me it’s not like home I don’t feel comfortable enough to go make a sandwich and I get hungry when I’m there so… my advice is pack them snacks if they have to go if it’s court ordered. That’s what I did for mine our court order didn’t last long… but I would go to the gas station or grocery store before hand make sure he had snacks the very 1st time it happened I drove over there and took him food from then on I made it a point to make sure it was in his bag so I knew he wouldn’t be hungry.
Chelsie Fenton nick vibes
They stayed up until almost 2 and got up at 6:15? I would have sent their butts back to bed until at least 9! But they shouldn’t be going there if he can’t feed them. That part is crazy to me. And if he used the money to buy beer when it was supposed to be for snacks for the kids there would be absolutely no more sending him money, the kids would be sent with snacks in their overnight bags. If he only gets them one night a week I can fully understand letting them stay up late but no way would I be letting them get up at 6:15. You better just lay back down and close your eyes until a more reasonable time. I don’t do mornings unless we have somewhere to be ridiculously early and even then it’s sleep until the latest we possibly can and then scramble out the door and snack for breakfast in the car on the way to wherever we need to be.
Those are some serious details. What’s a half ass dinner? Maybe he was being an ass-because he only gets his kids once every two weeks and your complaining about his olives actually olives infused with cheese- and triscuits for snack wasn’t to their liking. He got ‘em a banana for a snack- at 8 pm after dinner!! Left his house to get ‘em a banana! Him buying beer with your money isn’t him being selfish it’s him smacking you in the face for intruding on his time, and assisting his kids in “nothing is ever good enough” attitude. See some think it my way or no way…How many times you making your kids pancakes, bacon and OJ in or a half ass dinner in a week. Be real. Your kids never said in the am I’m hungry and you said go eat a banana and fed them later on YOUR-TIMe maybe happened once or twice. Your kids woke up two hours before you? You never slept past your kids on a Saturday? We got parents who have their kids 24/7 maybe drive them to their games, post some pics on Facebook but literally do nothing more than hand them some food And go their separate ways in the house. Should their kids be taken from them? You people talking about never seeing their dad again! Insane you don’t even know a quarter of the story- most didn’t even read it. Take out your malice and the conversations you and your fiancé may have in front of your children about him being an idiot- or only wanting them two days a week because his gf is more important. These babies have precious minds. We have children hating one parent because they other parent filled their head with BS. Why, because things don’t happen the way they think they should. The time spent has to be mapped out to a miraculous event on each visit because you only see them 2x a month. Would it be better to do more YES! I can see both sides in this. But you- YOU have a duty being the MOm the majority of the time. But I think it’s possible because of the trash talk at home/ your kids think he’s an idiot and he isn’t in to battling that. There is always so much to every story. Maybe give the guy a chance. Teach the kids to love their daddy not think he’s an idiot!! Maybe he will want to do more! I don’t understand why mothers allow their own EgO to neglect their children most precious asset!
If ever you questioned why it didn’t work out - this is your reminder! What a nightmare of a man.
Staying over at the non custodial parents house can always be a bit awkward, because it’s not like home. He needs to step up and be their dad and not on the phone all the time, if it’s court ordered they have to go but you can always contact an attorney if you have one and tell them what’s going on. If he only gets them one night a week and every other weekend, he knows they are coming and should stock up on food. If you guys don’t co parent well that’s makes it hard for everyone involved
i wouldnt let them go over there anymore.
especially if he went and bought beer with YOUR money.
like hell NO
Oh hell no. Girllll. I wouldn’t be letting my kids go there ever again if he was gonna act like that. Fuck no. He isn’t even being a parent at allll. That’s fucked up.
Yeh that’s crap I’d go hungry myself and feed the kids as I assume would any other decent parent that didn’t have much money
Cps would be called and he wouldn’t be seeing his kids until he could grow the F up. Any girlfriend that would be ok with this behavior must also be a pos loser as well. Major red flag
Don’t let them go. If they don’t want to go just tell him or have the kids tell him they want to stay home.
I wouldn’t let them go their so unfair for them to be treated like that poor kids depressed or not no excuse he had 24 hours with his kids so no excuses there
If it is court ordered, I would document and tell my attorney each time until I had enough to Change the court order. I would send my kids with snacks in their backpacks or instacart food for your kids to His house so he can’t buy beer with the money. If this didn’t work, and the behavior didn’t change, I would be calling CPS.
Bless their hearts…don’t be giving that man any more money…if they don’t have to go there…don’t make them…that man setting on the phone with some woman instead of paying attention to his kids …well his worthless.if they have to go…pack them an overnight bag with food and drink…games and snacks…but don’t give that man any more money of yours…
My ex was like that, but I was the new wife. He’d bitch about never seeing his kiddo and when we’d get our weekend, the ex would do nothing but drink, watch movies and play video games. I had to feed him, make sure he had the right meds (his mother often packed her anti-psychotics by “mistake”), make sure he got his meds, get him to bed and make sure he stayed in bed, I worked full time and worked nights but I had to be up at six-ish to make him breakfast while the ex slept until I woke him to go to work, I had to be his entertainment, the only disciplinarian, pay for everything (ex didn’t work), etc. When I finally got fed up with it, I made arrangements with his mom that the ex would come to them to visit - I’d drop him at the bus on my way to work and he’d meet me at work for a ride home. For someone who complained about never getting any time with his kiddo, I think he made the trip twice.
Anyway, I don’t know why they do it. I know it sucks for the responsible parents and even more for the kids. I empathize with you and hope your situation improves.
Or just say ‘Sorry I hAvnt gOt food sOo they can visit anOther time… Or, Can you generOusly supply the food this visit as I’m shOrt’’
You knO, If You all in it fOr the kids- Be Honest straight up*
Umm No! I would not let my kids stay with someone that did not have food! Even if it is the dad! I would not let my child stay with someone like that. Nope I’d get Full
And make him pay child support.
That’s a Hell No for me!
Feed them a big meal before they go over there, and make sure a big meal was waiting for them when they come back
Pack them lunch bag. It’s only 24 hrs.they will survive. I am sure this is a court ordered visitation. Document everything. Have the kids do a diary of every he spent when they go,upto and including pics. Then go back to court
Call cos and stop giving him money.
A bag of chicken nuggets, mac n cheese and a can of fruit is less than $10. It’s not that hard or expensive to feed kids when you only have them one night a week.
Is this a court ordered arrangement ?
Id be heading back to court if it is. Hes neglecting his children . If he cant be the responsible adult when they are with him they wouldn’t be going for over night stays…supervised visits only
I wouldnt send them anymore and cLl your lawyer. Thats child neglect
all you saying don’t let them go are wrong. if its court ordered she has no choice. and calling cps isn’t gonna do anything especially if he shows there’s food and a place to sleep and running water ect. she needs to go back to court and complain about this to them and get them to do something
Document everything. Check in with your lawyer. Maybe he isn’t able to do overnight visits. It’s possible all he can do is visits out somewhere where he isn’t responsible for more than a couple hours. I’d be concerned that he took money for their food and bought alcohol instead. Is alcohol abuse and issue at all or is this just him using you?
If it’s court ordered, send them full and with snacks in their own bags so they know where it is. Do NOT send him anymore money. It won’t go to what it’s for. Document it all, take pics and speak to a lawyer. If it’s not court ordered, don’t send them anymore and tell him about himself!
Maybe suggest an hour in the afternoon if that is possible for visitation . Sounds like your kids are not missing much
Stop making excuses for him. That’s the worst thing you can do. Don’t let them go back. Get court order and move on.
Definitely will buy the oldest one a phone he can take pictures and call you when he need you. So that way you have proof of the oldest video and taking the pictures. Go back to the court and explain all of this situation. He probably will have supervision visitation for few hours til he straighten up first. I would be fuming at him and crying for the boys which they shouldn’t have to go thru that. If the father didn’t want to deal with them he should have tell you to come and get them.
I used to deal with the same shit. He no longer takes my daughter, and it was the best decision I’ve ever made
Not even mad about the money thing. Ppl fall on hard times. But pay Godsamn attention to your kids and use the money you’re sent to buy them what they need. Not alcohol take him to court and put him on supervised.
Depression can do this so maybe suggest counciling for him and in the meantime stop visits or send food for them all.
He did best he could with what he had everyone has a bad day
I would literally be furious !!!
I don’t agree with how he is, but technically besides the meds, it’s nothing the courts or cps will do, he did provide something for dinner and breakfast. Kids eat wayy less and they don’t take kids away they provide food and recourses. If anything they can help provide food and recourses to him and it will benefit him and the kids. I have numerous friends that are teachers in elementary school and the stories I hear about alot of kids is just heartbreaking, even done kids living in hotels and everything and there only meals is at school and they don’t take the kids away. So it’s a long shot. Andl. The way the kids talk u can tell that they have heard things that they think is okay to elaborate in adult situations.
I would be pissed he barely has them and can’t figure it out for one night?? He needs to grow up, if it’s depression then he needs to go seek help the kids shouldn’t have to get the crappy end of the stick I’m sure he gives his gf more effort. He could’ve ordered a pizza or got things to make spaghetti etc he could’ve made it work that money was NOT for him but for the kids
if its not court ordered don’t send them. if it is take him back with documentation
I would send them with food next time and document all these things. Take him to court if needed. That is digesting behavior. I would 100% try to limit the time the kids are with him if possible. Those poor kids. I don’t care if he gave them “food” that’s not enough or even close to a balanced meal and to use any money you sent for beer makes me think he doesn’t care about those kids at all.
You dont give people the benefit of the doubt when they can’t preform a simple task .
If he had the thought process of buying beer, he should of had the thought process to feed him kids…
get visits cancelled especially overnights
I would never be sending them back there again until he could prove he had his crap together!
If he don’t want them and they don’t wanna go back please don’t send them that’s just evil
I would take him to court and state how neglectful he is towards them when he has them, insufficient food is one thing but not giving them their medication really is a problem… I would request bio dad not have overnights, but maybe he could have them during daytimes only, or unsupervised visitation… I would be more than upset if I were in your position… hang in there mama, best of luck
Skip the visits- if he can’t feed and make time for them
I would be furious as well! I bet the boys don’t even want to go there anymore! Personally I would tell him he either starts acting like a father or he can no longer be trusted to have them in his care! How dare he use the money you sent him for snacks for beer for himself!
1: they Don’t go over there till he gets his act together. So childish… and dangerous!!
2: he has a guarantee of FOOD for them!!
3: if the kids don’t want to go ( and I don’t blame them)… they aren’t required to !!!
Honey u need to document everything with the date! Keep the text messages and everything too! Also I’m not for anyone preventing a parent to be involved in a child’s life, but obviously he’s putting them in danger so that would be my main priority. Also, depending on the age of the oldest u can actually go to court and file a petition if the child doesn’t want to be with the parent anymore. They have rights regarding these situations to protect them. Best of luck mama! But I wouldn’t be sending them over there until he gets it together
No visits. If you don’t have to send them don’t