We moved to a new state about a year ago so I don’t know anyone in the area well and definitely don’t know anyone’s history. My 10 year old started playing softball and one of her coaches is the stepdad of one of her friends from school. The friend doesn’t play but her mom is at every practice and game to cheer the girls on. I recently found out from the mom’s sister that the friend lives with her paternal grandparents and her maternal grandmother has every other weekend visitation. The friend couldn’t come to practice the weekend of my daughter’s birthday sleepover because the grandmother couldn’t watch her at practice with the mom. I have no clue as to why mom or dad do not have custody. The mom has started giving me unsettling vibes. She only cheers for my daughter by name, runs to the dugout fence as soon as my daughter gets in from running bases, and distracts her from the actual game. She never met my daughter before softball and has only seen her outside of softball one time for a birthday party for her daughter. My husband tells me to let it go, but I have a very uneasy feeling. I don’t want a scene caused by flat out asking her, and I’m pretty sure she knows I have my eyes on her. I really want to know why she doesn’t even have visitation with HER own daughter but trying to get so close to mine. I just want to know what others would do in my situation.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How should I handle this situation?
To have to be monitored with mom sounds like sexual abuse
If she has a criminal past, it may be public record. Have you tried googling mom and dad? Do other parents at softball speak to her or steer clear of her?
Do you know their full names? In my state we can look up names on case search
I would confront her and tell her you don’t like what she is doing and to stop … go mamma bear on her to protect your child … I would also have a uneasy feeling about this .
Believe in your feelings there is something not right !
Join the group Investigation connection ! The people in that group can possibly find out background information
Pray for the situation and YHVH will reveal the issue…
Look on sex offenders registry… If neither are on it (him being a coach, I doubt he is) then I’d agree with your husband and let it go… Not a easy situation but can’t do much. You can also check other background information on doing Google searches of the name. Or go to your local courthouse. But that’s my recommendation
I don’t know what state you are from but here we have a thing called pa docs . We can look up peoples names and find there if they have criminal records and what it is for …
I would say mind your business
Definitely go with your momma instincts definitely would feel uneasy as well over it knowing a little background on the family. Respectful approach her and ask her to stop and to leave your child alone, if she continues after being nice about the issue then be mean about it get your point across
Make her your new friend introduce herself to her and strike up a conversation every time
I could not and would not keep my mouth closed. If you don’t want confrontation in public I would ask for her phone number and call her right away.
She is trying to make the mom jealous maybe???
Red flag for sure … I would tell her to steer clear of my child
It’s none of your business. If you get bad vibes keep you n yours away from her. It’s not your place to know everything about everybody. Listen to your husband. Other peoples issues and lives have nothing to do with you.
I would just make sure that my child knew not to be alone with the mom, or any adult, and go over the basics like no secrets and no no areas. What the mom did or didn’t do isn’t anyone business. If it’s a crime you might be able to look it up, but she’d likely not be aloud at the game if it was something like SA
Hey those little maternal feelers we have on our heads are real! Go with your gut. Either confront her or deal with the uneasiness. Maybe the mom is an open book and if not tell her to stay tf away from your kid!
Intuition !!! Listen to it
There are some sick women out there. Trust your gut
Just maybe since she knows that your daughter is a friend of her daughter she chooses to cheer her own. Everything is not sinister. You can always ask her why she’s cheering for your daughter and not us.
She’s probably seeing your daughter as a substitute for her own who she misses very much. She may not have done anything wrong to lose custody, either.
Have you searched their names online?
I’d feel kind of odd about that too. I think I would try to get next to the mom’s sister, tell her that the mom is trying to get chummy with your daughter and ask to know what the story is. If the grandparents are so careful to keep the friend distanced from her mother, you need to know what you need to do for your daughter. Explain how the friend’s mom acts with your daughter. I know your husband said to drop it, but I would go with my gut.
I’d speak to her directly. You’re your child’s protector and advocate. Her behavior is intrusive and crossing boundaries. You don’t owe anyone curtesy when they’re crossing boundaries, especially regarding your children. Speak up, let her know you’re her mother, let her know your concerned with her behavior.
That sounds very odd
I would just ask her!
Go to your county courthouse website and enter her name in the records search. The child’s name won’t show up but the parents names will. You can read he court docs and pretty much piece together what’s going on.
easiest way, go to the local court records and look up their names. probably tell you everything you want to know.
Did you have that feeling prior to knowing she didn’t have custody or after ? It honestly could be a past drug issue and maybe she is clean now and saw best not to up root child from grandma ? There are alot of things it could have been a dv issue when she was younger you never know . Honestly I would just ask
I’d assume you know the woman’s first and last name. Look up court records (not all states have them on line though). As you said you don’t know her back story. Ask around. Someone knows something. The sister definitely would. I do know women who have lost custody of their kids because they couldn’t afford an attorney or at least a decent one. She may just be using your daughter as a fill in for her own.
She could have been young and not in a position to raise her daughter, financially, emotionally or physically. If your daughter is supervised and in a safe setting, than it is none of your business why this mother doesn’t have custody. Unless she is directly interacting with your daughter in an unsupervised capacity, leave it alone. Quit being a Karen.
Did you have these feelings before you knew they didn’t have custody of their child?
Yeah… I think you are right to be concerned. What I would do…
- I would do a search on registered sex offenders for your town and look for either of their names. It’s a major red flag that this dad is coaching a team his kid doesn’t play on and throw in moms behavior and the fact that they don’t have custody or visitation of their own daughter and I’d be very VERY concerned.
- I would ask around or at the very least talk to the board President for your towns youth sports association.
- I would NEVER and I mean EVER let my kid be with either one of them without myself or my husband being present… that means all team events from practice to games to parties. If you or your hubs can’t attend then neither can your daughter.
Just keep a close eye and if you ever talk to grandma maybe ask grandma what’s up.
Go with your gut feeling it’s always right. Better safe than sorry.
Is she part of the softball organization? Maybe she volunteers and due to her past she shares custody with her parents. Which are actually two separate things all together. Just because a parent had a rough start doesn’t diminish them volunteering and cheering at youth sports games.
I can tell you. We go through pretty much the same. If she can befriend your child… who happens to be friends with her daughter, then she can “use” your child to send messages, etc or ask questions to her daughter through your child tbatshe otherwise wouldn’t be able to do.
We go through the same with 2 of our grandboys and 1 of their cousins
Mind your business. Let it go
Mention it to the coach and let him handle it.
I think you should trust your mom gut!!! If there is a valid concern why they lost custody I would look into it to make sure those two are SAFE to be around the kids. As for the creepy mom I’d tell her she needs to stay in the stands like the parents and leave the coaching to her husband. I would never leave them alone or go to a sleepover and if things got too unsettling I’d just have her do something else. Better than her getting hurt in the end.
Keep an eye on her. But sounds like she’s not able to mother her own child so she’s gravitated towards yours.
Look them up in court records and/or if possible ask one of the grandmothers.
Sounds creepy as fu€k.
Trust your instincts. .
This lady needs to back off.
Or maybe that’s just me. I’m not a trusting person. I might smile and be nice but I don’t trust anyone. And this lady would be on my “fu€k off” list immediately.
It’s tough to assume why a parent lost custody of their child. It could be something innocent. I know someone that lost custody of her children because of a DV situation. He and his family made false allegations against her. Some women lose custody because of a medical illness or disease.
I’ve sat in family court, listening to other cases. Some lose custody because of substance abuse. Than there’s flat out child abuse.
If you’re really concerned or can’t shake that feeling do a background check.
She may not have contact with her own child. If she’s not supposed to be around other children than law enforcement would be involved.
I would be completely blunt with the woman. Tell her that you’re not comfortable with her favouring your child.
Creepy, start asking questions to her about her daughter and her living situations and see of she lies to you. If she does say something like oh I was told she lives with her grandparents, so she knows you are following up on her situation also
Nope trust your gut while it’s technically not your business why they don’t have custody she’s obviously starting to get kind of obsessed with your daughter￼￼
Do what any other parent should do… talk to your daughter about the danger of strangers and acquaintances alike and keep an eye on your child. It could be harmless, then again, it couldn’t be. Just don’t be quick to judge because you have no idea what their home situation is. Befriend this woman, cautiously. I wouldn’t straight up ask her about her kid, but simply by being friendly, you may find the answers you’re looking for and it may help you either ease your mind or put an end to even simple interactions.
Sounds like grooming
Go with your gut feeling, I would also look them up, your flags went up for a reason. Never let your daughter alone very odd.
I would express your concerns to Grandmother that has custody. That way not only can they be aware and watch.
In our case with our grandboys, there was no abuse of any kind. Its just failure to comply with court orders & drug testing
Honestly I would not pre-judge and try to have a friendly conversation with this mother. I have a friend who went though DV and lost custody of her children. It had nothing to do with her mothering skills just that she had an abusive boyfriend. And now she’s going through hell and back to get her children back. So don’t always judge at face value. Look into it. Make friendly conversations with both the grandparents (if you have the option) and the mother. I’m sure that both the child and mother are going through a lot and if she’s sketchy, she’s sketchy but speak to her about it first.
You said your daughters friend didn’t play but they were at practice because the step dad was the coach. If she knows that her daughter & your daughter are friends, maybe she just wants to cheer her on & be supportive of her daughters friend…
If it bothers your daughter, then definitely say something, if not… just watch & monitor the situation
I do agree that you should try to look up & find out what information you can about why she doesn’t have custody of her own kids (just to be safe)… but if you do it by asking people, they could go back to her & tell her you were asking about her…
There are plenty of people who have lost custody & are trying to get their life straightened out… find out all the facts before you judge… just get all the information, then make your decision…
Good luck with this tough situation
Always trust your gut. I was groomed by my mother and her friends. It’s flat out weird to be that obsessed with someone else’s kid. Nope.
Trust your inner voice.
Your daughter’s 10. Talk to her. Also, talk to the mother in a common sense way, if you re able to.
It’s none of your business why she doesn’t have custody of her daughter. And you’ve got nerve to talk about creepy…but it is your business why an adult is showing unnatural interest in your underage kid. Speak to her about that and don’t mention her daughter.
Maybe the last never lost custody, maybe she was a young mom and gave it up???
Omg. Sounds. Like. Soup. Opera. Or. Jerry. Springer. Don’t. Get. Involved. But ,. TALK to. Her. Let. Her. Know. She. Makes. You. Uncomfortable. Be. Nice. ,
But. Honest. Good luck
My other thought…“the friend couldn’t attend because the grandmother couldnt be around the mother”
Sounds like a no contact order with the mother and grandmother. Might not have anything to do with the child.
I would do a background check on both the mom and stepdad…
I wouldn’t be harsh at first. I would tell her you appreciate her gestures of making your daughter feel included with the new team but, you noticed that your daughter’s game is being distracted by her. I’d say if you’re going to cheer please cheer for all of the team. My daughter does not need to be singled out. That way the mom realizes that she if fully on your radar.
I’d keep a really close eye on her. I wouldn’t let her go to that ladies house. You never know but though highly unlikely could be the next Steve Bernardo and Carla Homolka. I know of a person that acts like that and would do that but she is a big drug addict trying to impress.
I would find out through open court records why they lost custody first. If its something bad then you have the ammunition to ask her to stay away from your daughter. Be armed with facts before deciding what could be something innocent.
Mind my own business. If you’re curious ask. If you don’t want to cause a scene then mind your own.
Coaches need to be vulnerable sector checked to coach. If there was a record of anything he wouldn’t be allowed there.
Perhaps mom hit a rough patch (drinking or drugs) and needed grandma to take custody? Perhaps she’s trying to get her life together and seeing your daughter reminds her of what her goals are? Be gentle but keep an eye on it. Trust your gut but don’t judge too quickly.
I would trust your instincts. You might regret not doing that if something is off. I have 2 adult sons. But when they were little boys and in the boy scouts I didn’t like how one troop leader was always praising my son. I really kept an eye on him. I didn’t care what anyone said. You’re her mom. If you don’t protect her who will?
Ultimately the details are NOYB. But tryst your gut, watch your kid, and don’t let them be alone with your child.
I’d keep my daughter as far away from that woman as possible. Trust your feelings. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. You’re right, there’s something “funny” there.
Honestly, in your position, I would talk to my own child and make sure they are aware that some people can seem really nice but not be safe for us. You can help her to understand that she can be kind to this person but really shouldn’t go out of her way to talk to her, especially alone. I have had similar talks with my own children regarding a neighbor who has been nothing but kind but who let her let her son move in move in and the sun struggles with addiction. The neighbor herself is a little unhinged and the son has always given me the creeps but for the most part, both have been nice to us. We are kind to both but the children are not allowed to talk to them alone and and are to disengage as quickly as possible if either of them stops to talk while they are out playing in the yard. You can trust your gut and still treat someone well but hold them at arm’s length for the safety of your children and it is important to teach your children to do the same because those are boundaries they need to learn to establish as they grow up.
My god. Some of these comments are concerning…infuriating even.
Woman. MYOB! Move tf along.
Ask the grandmother?
Why dont you befriend her and find out.
I try not to judge because hey who knows right. But something you as a parent should always do is believe your instinct. It is telling you something is very wrong with her interactions with your child. Talk to your daughter and don’t allow for interactions outside of softball in front of everyone.
Trust your gut!! 100%… that doesn’t seem right
Trust ur gut… there is no such thing as over protecting ur child… maybe she is trying to impress u or ur husband or trying to prove herself in some way… but do t let her use ur daughter as a tool to prove or impress anyone …
I would definitely ask her why ur daughter if that was me
It is really none of your business why she does not have custody of her daughter, especially if your child isn’t going to her house.
You could talk to some of the other parents and see if they get the same vibes you do. Or you could just simply tell her that while you appreciate her making sure your daughter feels included on the team, that her advances are distracting your daughter
So is the coach is the step-dad of your friend’s daughter? Means the coach is Mom’s new husband? She pry just trying to be close to your daughter because she is her daughter’s close friend. She’s in every game because that’s her new husband’s team also? Be adult and talk to her straight up. The assuming part is not gonna help. Don’t judge until you have all the facts and do whatever you need to do.
YIKES! Your instincts are 100% correct. WATCH THIS ONE LIKE A MOMMA HAWK.
I’d talk to the coach (hubby was a coach and had to do this himself) let the coach handle game time situations. The coach can tell the mom to not approach the player/dugout because it distracts her from being mentally in the game! It is distracting to all the players I’m sure. Parents shouldn’t be allowed to do that.
If she approaches your daughter before/after games, find a way to usher her away. If she keeps approaching. Set your boundaries and let her know she overstepping! You’re allowed, that’s your baby!
I agree with most that the actual details are none of your business. However, I would trust my gut and not allow them to be alone with her. Keep an ear our around other parents. If there is something you should know people will gossip about it
Be careful calling her out - the coach could retaliate… but then you could always go to the board of education.
Could be an ugly mess. I’d ask the grandmother what her deal is. Speak to your daughter, she likely has the same vibes also. If she doesn’t, try to tune her in to yours. We don’t get these gut instincts for no reason. Try to have your daughter ignore her, even the praise. Maybe a good time to teach your daughter what a frenemy is.
Keep your kid and Man in Check:bangbang:Eyes for:clown_face:
Follow your gut.
Tell your daughter keep an eye out, trust no one.
& keep a close eye on her.
There are a lot of reasons why parents loose custody (temporarily). Don’t judge, unfortunately some of those reasons can be very tragic such as domestic violence in the home. And instead of helping a victim to get to a safe place with their kids they much more often just remove the kids and leave the victim in a very dangerous situation. And that point even the victim has to go through a long battle of visitation and programs to regain custody from the state. It’s not always the parents fault
Always trust your gut. She may be trying to groom your daughter. I would remove my daughter from softball or request a different coach.
I would be very watchful and let your daughter know to stay away as well. And let the school know as well.
I’d be sus too. Look her up. Everyone’s info is in the net now a days. Trust ur gut.
Trust your vibes. Watch your daughter around her
Everyone seems so triggered. I think Mom wants to make right with her daughter. She does this by being nice to daughter’s friend. Please try to see some good. Actually you seem like the nut job. Have you heard the term helicopter mom? Your behavior is not a good example of how to treat people.
Trust your gut! Also, my state has casenet where you can search criminal records of anyone. That would be my first step. I casenet anyone that is close to my children.
Did it not occur to you to go have a conversation with the mom? You’re doing a lot of ASSuming. Seems childish. If you really want to know go ask and find out instead of asking a bunch of strangers on the internet for their opinions.
Young one- Never second guess your “Momma feelers” - keep an eye on her. More than likely you’ll never know the “ details” - but trust n believe you will find out about what going on - bad news tends to travel like that.
All y’all acting like this mom is in the wrong need to chill!! I be dang someone like that be around my child!! You can’t be too careful nowadays because they is alot of evil in the world!!
She sounds mental. Just watch her and the rest is none of your business. Don’t pry and do NOT gossip to other moms trying to find out. Put yourself in her shoes and someone feeling entitled to your personal family drama.
It’s better to be overly cautious than live with regret. Especially when it comes to abuse and our children.
Trust your gutt feeling
Oh hell no! There is a reason why they lost custody. I definitely would not leave them alone with my child even to go to the bathroom. I’d seriously think about pulling her from the team or at the least tell the mother to stop giving my child special attention!! Talk to the mother or grandparents.