For those of you in a blended relationship, how do you handle your bonus babies telling you they hate their birth mom and that she only wants them because of dad’s money? Dad pays 1785 a month in support for them but yet, she doesn’t spend any of that on them.
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Maybe just listening and being there for them is all you can do with them but I would definitely tell their father and discuss possibly the kids going to a therapist or similar so they can get an unbiased view or just an outlet for them to release their feelings.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What should I do about what my bonus kids said?
How do you no she doesn’t spend money on her kids?
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If you have proof of that he needs to take back to court and get custody
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Try therapy depending on the custody order.
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If she has a place to live, electric, water, a car, insurance, a phone to use for a emergency. Then I PROMISE she’s spending that child support on them.
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does their mother not have a home that she pays rent or mortgage for ? Electricity? Water ? Cable? Internet? Food ? Clothes? Shoes ? Toiletries?
If , Yes; then she is spending child support money to support them
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No comment at all. I wouldn’t say a thing, last thing you want to do is be involved in that
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So are they homeless, starving, walking around without clothes? Why is she bring referee to as birth mom?
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If the kids don’t wanna be with the mom then go back to court and see if you can get it to where the kid lives with you. But I guarantee if there’s a roof over those kids hands with water etc. she is spending it on them. It’s more than just clothes and shoes 
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How do you know she’s not spending it on the kids? Are the kids fed? Do they have a place to live and sleep? I’d say she’s spending it on them.
If it really concerns you then talk to the dad. You’d be overstepping boundaries by involving yourself in that.
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How old are these kids? I’d be concerned if they are younger because little kids will repeat what they hear. Otherwise it could simply be a conflict between her and the kids and they’re talking out of anger. You’re overstepping by saying that none of the money goes to the children unless you’re there to see what she’s doing with the money. If she’s paying her bills with it, that’s supporting the kids. 
I recommend that you mention it to the dad so perhaps the two of them can discuss what’s going on. You need to stay out of it.
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Yeah he needs to go for full custody
Side note: I’m awarded $100 month for my oldest daughter from her father and it always goes to her
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Child support is to take care of the child not to blow on the child! 
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You mean…how do I manipulate my partner and his children to exclude their mother from their lives because I am insecure and selfish??
There. Fixed it for you.
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She is allowed to spend CS on any and all bills that provide a roof over there head and transportation cost. Car and Insurance. If at all possible split any extra into savings accounts for the kids.
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Oh really are they homeless or hungry if not then best believe she spends money on her kids. Trust that $1785 is less then what it cost to take of children. Not your horse not your race.
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You should do absolutely nothing. It’s the father’s place to deal with this.
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Stay in your own lane!!! Do not get in the middle. Just love those babies as if they were yours. That is the best thing you can do for them. You’re not living with the mom, so you’re not getting the whole story.
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Does she feed them ? Clothes them? Pay her mortgage/rent ? Pay internet/ utility bill?? Ffs !!!
If they have a roof over their head, food on the table, electricity, water, clothes on their back and shoes on their feet, than yes, she is providing for them. Which is what child support is intended for. Child support is for supporting the child, not taking them on shopping sprees and ordering take out. I’m a child of divorce. My mother received child support, and we were still just scraping by. Stop being divisive and start correcting them on what child support is intended for.
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$1785 a month?! My goodness 
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Tell them their feelings are valid and you’re sorry they have to deal with that dynamic I guess
You can’t do anything about their mothers character. You can be the loving support that they need.
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How old are the kids? Dad need to go to court to have things reevaluated. If they are old enough, they can decide who they want to live with. His child support could also be reduced.
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Just be there for them to vent should they choose to. Don’t say a word about their mother to them. They could easily use it against you in the future and it could hurt them.
And I’m sure she uses the child support for bills. Either way, it’s not your business really. I understand you’re concerned though.
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It’s good they feel comfortable talking to you but it’s not your place to really say/do anything…if you have concerns talk to your husband
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Your just causing trouble with the ex. Maybe jealousy? You want to feel superior to bio mom or something. This is nonsense. If she has a place to live, those kids have clothes and food then you need to shut it. Kids say whatever they think you want to hear to get close to people. They obviously know you dislike their mother and this is a SAD way to coparent! Do better.
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This is a sticky road- if she buts them any clothing, pays the light bill, water, rent and food. They money is used towards “life” not just things. I know that can be hard to understand, I have had this with my X about his older kids. (I do not get support, I didn’t ask for it because I didn’t want the drama). As for her comment- I would just listen and share how much you love her. I would say, I’m so sorry that’s what’s happing and how you feel towards your mom. Relationship are hard, is there anything I can do to help you through this?
1 you tell that child not to HATE anyone hate takes to much energy and festers negativity and bad energy in their life. 2 you have a private Convo with their dad and let him know what was said etc. Then continue being a good safe positive energy and vibe in your bonus kids life like you obviously have been because for them to tell u that you must of made them feel comfortable and safe enough to speak to u about their feelings the way they did. Good luck.
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You don’t. You stay as neutral as Switzerland on this issue. I seriously doubt that these kids are saying their mom only wants them because of the money without some sort of prompting. Their custody arrangement is between their dad and their mom.
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If you & hubby are on the same page, have documented proof go back to court. Fight for at least 50/50 split (no child support) you’ll find out If it’s turley about the money…
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My step kids would always tell us they hated their mom and wanted to stay with us. Then one day one of them got caught in a lie and I couldn’t take up for her this time and then she hated us and wanted to stay by her moms. Kids play games. Also, CS is not supposed to be handed to the kids. It pays rent, lights, car note, gas, groceries. It’s to help care for the children.
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How do you know what she she spends money on?
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Children often think that the whole amount mom gets should be spent directly on them in the form of luxury things. They expect mom to take all the child support money and buy them phones, expensive sneakers, vacations etc. of them they don’t understand the actual cost of actually living. There are on the other hand, some moms that don’t take of children they way they should. If that is the case get proof and try to get the courts involved. But I would explain to the children that it isn’t their place to count money nor worry about where it is spent. Make sure no one talks about bio mom negativity in front of or around the children. It’s not easy but stay neutral.
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How old are they? They must have heard that from someone else. I would tell them that their Mother loves them and that its not true. I think we know who put those ideas in their head, what she does with cs money is not a concern of yours. Stop gloating and trying to be super step mom.
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And let me guess, your house is probably the “fun time house”…they play, they do pretty much what they want. At home with their mom is probably more strict. You can’t say “oh they are happier here so I’m just gonna take them”
that’s not parenting. That’s fun daddy time.
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How do they know how much or anything about $$ at all. The fact that they do is a failure on mom and dads part. Kids shouldnt be involved in anything they can not control.
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Have the kids tell their dad what they told you. And let him ultimately decide what to do.yiy obviously love those kids and they trust you enough to tell you, but they need to tell their dad and dad has to take initial action.
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Child support is not always to be spent “on” the child. If they have a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs and food on the table, that money is being spent on them. It’s just not being spent on xBoxes and shopping sprees.
Now, I don’t know you, your husband or his ex, but if there are signs of neglect or abuse, like the kids telling you they aren’t eating, and coming over with holes in their clothes/shoes, you ask your husband why he’s not in court, fighting for custody of those babies!
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All you can do is tell her dad what she said. Other than that, you are powerless.
Does she pay rent and buys food if so then she spends money on them
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Why do they know anything about money? I dont tell my son anything about the child support i get. Thats none of the kids business. I make sure all his stuff is paid & has everything he needs & in sports. Not their concern how it is spent.
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Request to get 50/50 custody or even full custody so child support no longer needs to be paid. If you’re willing to have the child more and take on the responsibilities of having that child full time. Their real mom will either agree so some financial and parenting burdens are taken away being the majority parent. Or she’ll fight to keep the money only. Good parents should want equal time for their kids with both parents
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Get a lawyer and file for full custody
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They have heard it from somewhere. Ask where. Tell them it’s not true
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Also you saying she doesn’t spend it on them but they have lights, food, water, and other stuff that’s spending it on them and really none of anyones business on what she spends it on
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Relay it to the dad and do no more. That kid shouldn’t even know the finances of what dad pays or mom receives! Nothing for a kid to be concerned or worried with.
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If she doesn’t spend it on them then what does she spend it on then? Kids are too young and immature to understand that what child support is actually meant for. My parents divorced when I was a kid and I’d be lying if I said that when I was kid, I thought child support was specifically meant for luxury items. However it’s meant for necessities for the kids. Kids don’t understand the cost of living whatsoever. Do the kids have a roof over their head? Do they have food and drinks in their stomachs? Do they have clothes and shoes to wear? Do they have electricity and running water at home? Those are thing child support is meant for. As far as them saying they hate their mom, I would take that with a grain of salt. Kids don’t understand what that means. They are taught what that means. These kids had to have heard that from somewhere. By your last sentence it sounds like you or dad might have made comments slip about it before and the children picked up on it. Calling your bonus kids mom just their “birth mom” speaks volumes too…. why didn’t you call their dad their “birth dad” or “biological dad”? It sounds like there may be some issues there. You are only the girlfriend here. You should stay out of it
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Sounds to me like someone is filling their heads. They have a roof, clothes, food then child support is definitely going toward them.
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Also sounds like you put that it is not spent on them in there heads
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Do they have a roof over their heads, electricity, an automobile, food, clothes, beds? Then she’s using that money EXACTLY how it should be used. Stay in your lane and stop allowing a child to speak about adult matters they don’t fully understand…
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First the child support doesn’t mean you buy toys and junk for kids. It is there to fill the gap of income from one house hold to another in order to provide housing, food, transportation etc.
Secondly, why would the children know the exact dollar figure that is being dispersed? This is adult financial situations and the kids do not need to be involved in the finances. So the only way they would be saying this, is because the adults are inappropriately talking about it.
Unfortunately because the adults in this scenario are not minding their tongues, the kids have a very skewed opinion.
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Do they have a roof over their head? Do they eat? Electricity? Heat and air conditioning? Clothes? It adds up and adds up quickly. Do they get spoiled at your house? Kids like to have fun but that does not mean that mom doesn’t provide for them.
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Honestly I would just reassure them that she does love them & that the money she receives goes into stuff for their home & food etc. There’s no need to get involved because sometimes children don’t see where the money goes & think that the mom is only using them.
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No matter what child support should never be discussed or any matters in a custody case with the children. Period. I’d recommend a forensic child psychologist or family counselor for all children involved
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How old is this child?? Most kids don’t know this stuff and absolutely sounds as he is being fed info somewhere here. Weather it’s mom complaining of child support or over hearing you and father speaking on she don’t spend it on kids. Seems this child thinks it’s supposed to be spent on shopping sprees and video games for them each month. Not food, rent, electric etc which should be taught if the child thinks this way.
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The kids didn’t come up with that themselves. They are hearing that from someone. And why does everyone think child support should be for vacations. How do you know she isn’t spending it on them? They have a roof over their heads, clothes, food, etc
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Do they have a house,are they clean, clothes,food ,school, activities they all cost money yes she is using it
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You guys can do 50/50 custody you would both get the same amount of time with kids and child support would not longer be an issue so it would be a win win
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You have no idea if she’s spending the money on them or not. Cs isn’t for toys lmfao
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Do y’all even read??? Because most of you are attacking the Step-mom! THE STEP-MOM IS NOT THE ONE MAKING THE ACCUSATION!!! DAMN!
The child came to the Step-mom, and made that statement!!!
ADVICE TO OP: tell your husband so the two of you are on the same page. Possibly ask child why child feels this way. Also, how old is the child? Maybe explain what child support is for. However, these children see more and are smarter than we want to believe! And child could be correct! I used child support for the child. I also do know a woman who only wanted custody for the money (it was obvious in some of her court statements and when dad got full custody she doesn’t take her full visitation and skips most of those). So yeah those women are out there also.
Next step would be to discuss it with a lawyer if OP and Father feel there is an issue, no you absolutely cannot dictate what the child support is for but if mom is getting hair and nails done while child is wearing ratty clothes or not getting enough to eat…there is a problem!
That is what they heard , child support money is not destínate to spoil or spend directly on the child ,if they have a place to live, food , electricity etc . She is actually spending the money on them, unless they show any signs of abuse there is nothing to do about it
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The Mom likely uses that money to provide Shelter, Food, and Utilities. There is likely not a whole lot of money left over, and why should a child have any idea on how much money the Father is giving in Child-Support - It’s none of their business. Child Support is exactly what it sounds like, it’s not “fun money” to blow.
A lot of kids with split households tend to think that going over to their Dads house is easier because they spend less time there, and they aren’t expected to do anything besides have fun…Then they go back to their Moms house with an attitude because we actually have to parent them.
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If they have a roof over their head, food in their refrigerator, clothes on their back, and shoes on their feet, then that money has helped pay for that!! It takes care of their NEEDS not WANTS! This is none of your business!!!
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Yeah their father is telling them that.
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I am so happy that most of the comments agree that this Step-Mom is completely delusional… The bad Moms out there are pretty few and far between….I know plenty of half-ass Dads though. She needs to take a seat and be supportive, not tearing another parent down because she feels the need to compete with her for the kids affection.
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Child support is to support the child’s needs, not wants. A place to live, a car to ride around im, clothes. That’s what child support is for.
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I get very upset when I hear someone say the mom doesn’t spend the money on the kids! Like other comments, if they have a roof over their head and they are fed, she is spending the money on them!
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Yeah sounds like someone Is trying to start something btw the biological parents and I doubt is the children…sounds to me someone is jelly to see the $1785 getting spent on someone else…GROW UP!!!
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I use my child support to help with rent, food, utilities and gas since I’m the one who takes them to places majority of the time
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If she houses, clothes and feeds them then she is spending some of that money on them. Also, there is nothing for you to do about what they “said”….they may be saying the same thing about you to her. So unless you’re seeing signs of neglect or abuse, true signs and not just her not living up to your particular standards but true signs, then stay in your lane. If encouraged, kids will play one against the other in some cases so let their dad handle it. No ex slamming in front of the kids because that will backfire on you eventually 
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Say nothing derogatory about her mother
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Bullshit she doesn’t spend ‘any of it’ on them!
Quit trying to cause shit cause ur partner doesn’t want to pay n gets all bitchy… its not his money as much as he’d love to claim it is. He owes it, and he doesn’t get to say where or how it should be spent.
Like you know what she’s spending it on🤦♀️
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Do the kids have a home? Do they have clean clothes? Running water and electricity?? Do they have food? Come on now Do u go n see what she’s doing with the child support money?
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Wow some of you are absolutely rude. With this situation, there are alot of details left out.
Do they share 50/50? What is causing them to say this? Do they have food/water/shelter? Clothes? Why so much? Goodness that’s high!
I wonder what they say about you to Mom? You shouldn’t let them disrespect her… that’s my opinion.
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Tell them she loves them!!! Their father needs to sit n talk with them.
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Child support can be used however the other parent sees fit. Does the child have a home, food, clothing, utilities and healthcare? If all of these are yes mind ya business.
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Give this mom a break she just ask. Omg
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He has to pay child support and tbh you sound jealous.
How do you know what the money is spent on?? Don’t take the child’s word for it cos according to my 8 year old I spend all my money on me 
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Does she provide them with a roof over head? Good, clothes, heat, etc? Then she is using it towards them…
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How old are the kids if they are old enough they should have a say in where they live
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Are they fed? Are they clothed? Do they have access to all necessary supplies for school? Do they have a roof over their head, electricity is on, water is running? Do they have health insurance and make it to all necessary appointments? Then that money is being used for their care. Child support is for supporting the child and their needs. Unless they are being neglected, then their mother is spending it on them. Why do they even know about the child support? Children should not be involved in adult affairs.
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I agree with the previous comments…
Stay in your lane and just be a good step parent.
My real worry would be… How and why does this child know that mom receives child support at all? That seems like an adult conversation…
But in all honesty I wouldn’t get involved. Maybe mention it to dad… And have him talk/take care of that situation…
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They have a roof over there head, clothes on their back, shoes on their feet, electricity, and water.
So yes she does use it to support them. Extra fun things isn’t included in child support. 
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Well they’re alive so obviously she spends money on them. They have a house with electric, water, are fed and so on. They have clothes and beds and I’m sure they have TV’s and video games.
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I wouldn’t say a whole lot until you hear more. Your bonus babies could be responding to being told that they aren’t going to be doing something they want to do, for whatever reason. Kids seem to try to play divorced parents against each other when they don’t get their way. There are unfortunate cases when custodial parents seem to blow support checks on frivolous things, but it’s hard to prove if the kids have a roof over their heads, a decent place to sleep, adequate food, educational needs met, and things of that nature. Support money is also to help cover what children’s use of housing. Utilities. And groceries. Support money is also to help with some recreation, but obviously not all of it. A lot of times kids don’t get that. I have no way of knowing what the mother’s expenses are… or if she’s putting some back for emergencies or later education… there’s no way to know that. I’m not saying she doesn’t use some of it unwisely, but I’m sure it’s not as bad as the kids make it out to be.
why would they even know anything about the child support? They sound like they must be teens or pre-teens. Don’t fall into the trap of giving them whatever they want because Mom “doesn’t spend any on them!” Sounds to me like they are playing you.
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What does she spend the money on? Bills and food is still for the kids. If she’s spending it all on herself that’s another thing (for instance I knew someone who used to buy tons of booze and cigarettes with hers and say “he’s paying for mental health for me raising these kids”). Talk to dad and he can sit down with them (you can be there too) and find out why they don’t like mom. Sometimes kids are just ungrateful but sometimes moms aren’t that great either. Go from there.
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You encourage them to love their mother. Do not engage in this talk with children. You are the grown up so they’re watching you.
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Every single penny doesn’t have to be spent on them!
My kids dad pays for his kids & he knows that we have just moved house and I need to carpet the house…
The house where HIS kids live, he offered to give me some more so the kids are happy & comfortable.
That money is to keep a roof over their heads so if she’s struggling to make ends meet with bills that money your other half gives would be used to cover that
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Well don’t agree with them. Tell them their mom loves them. But WHY is he paying SO much in CS? For how many kids? They might not think she’s spending on them but if she works she is spending $ on them. CS is not just for clothes or stuff for the kids. It’s also to help cover rent, electric, internet, groceries. So in reality she’s using it on them. They just don’t see it. And btw my ex doesn’t pay CS. He’s currently behind almost $20000.
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Sadly, that’s how alot of women are with child support. And then they try to justify the money going on bills that they would have to pay even if the kids weren’t there. My stepson’s mom did the same thing. She lives in another state, so it was hard to actually know how she was supporting him. He 17 now, but had always been sad about how his mom blew the money and he went without stuff he needed. His dad tried to comfort him best he could. She would take solo vacations and basically treat herself constantly. The last straw was when she left the country on a vacation last year, and left him home by himself. Dad went to get him and he barely had clothes. What he did have was old and way too small. He lives with us now and is much happier.
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I personally buy my mine what they need n if they don’t need anything at that time it goes into bills. I pay for everything for my kids so it really shouldn’t matter what it’s being spent on to be honest.
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