What should I do?

Recently my daughter (11yo) told me she is gay. I do not have any issue with that, but my question is, How can they know for sure? …I’ve been thinking it , like for example, her best friend likes anime, and my daughter got into it because of her…I do like anime, and metal music and stuff like that, but she wouldn’t give it a chance when I asked to try to watch/listen something with me…after she got into anime like her friend was when she decided to give a try to what I do like…so, her best friend says she is pansexual, could be that my daughter is saying she is gay because she wants to be “cool” as them? What should I do? How to know it is for sure and not a phase? When she told me that I gave her a big hug she knows no matter what I’ll always support her, but dont know if she has in mind one of my advices I have always say to her…“Do what you want and be who you want to be as long is what you want and not because you want to follow everyone else”…I don’t wat to make her feel confused/bad etc…So, Should I let her find it on her own (if it’s maybe because of her friends)or should I involved more somehow?Thank you!


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What should I do? - Mamas Uncut

You don’t, you just support them through their choices. Don’t push, just listen and offer support. Some change their minds. Others don’t. Just be there and let her know she is loved and her love doesn’t define her as a person whether she picks a boyfriend or girlfriend later she will be loved and supported.


It’s always interesting to see how parents/society think kids who express gender identity and/or sexuality are “trying to be cool”. There is NO part of the LGBTQ+ community that is “cool”. It’s a losing battle for them. They are outcasted, stigmatized, bullied and sometimes physically attacked. Being who you are shouldn’t evoke such reactions, but it does.

Listen to her, support her and in the mean time educate yourself and also find out how you can be active in the community because actions speak louder than words.


She is 11 give it time. When she is older and she is telling you this then she is probably gay. Right now she is just figuring things out. She sees and hears all these things and at that age you want to be liked. Time will tell.


How do you know you’re straight?


I say just support her. If she truly is she will thank you everyday for supporting her and always loving her. And if it’s just a “phase” or something and you still support her. Either way your daughter wins :two_hearts:


Just support her.
She might not know exactly what she wants but eventually she’ll figure it out


Does it matter? Let her figure it out on her own. Let her change her mind 100 times if she wants too. Just encourage her to be her own person and don’t assume she is being a copy cat of her friend. Even if she is…. Don’t make her feel ashamed. Just encourage her. Tell her she’s a badass no matter what she likes or who she likes.


Just let her figure her life out on her own. People think 11 year olds couldn’t possibly know what they want or like but that is untrue. I’ve known that I hated the Color pink since before the age of 11. I’m an adult now and I still hate pink, my mind hasn’t changed at all since being a small child. Some things about yourself, you just know. I would just be loving and supportive, never mention phases or copying other people to her.


Strictly my opinion now, I’d have no issue if my son or daughter came out as gay/bí/straight whichever. But like When I was 11 I enjoyed skipping ropes :thinking: I can never phathom knowing that early when I barely had interest In boys not to mind girls at the time. Maybe i was just behind a bit but god why are kids branding themselves these days. Just be happy, do whatever makes you happy. Not like your gonna be in a serious relationship at 11 anyway… :thinking::thinking:


That’s why I believe schools shouldn’t be eager to talk pronouns, etc. it is so trendy right now…
I don’t want my kid to be so certain of that, give this time to use critical thinking of yourself and the world, explore everything then decide what you like and love when you are more mature


Don’t let Facebook tell u how to parent. Do what u feel needs to be done. U are her mom so the best decision will come from u and not Facebook


Some people know they’re gay as young as 5. Some people don’t discover their sexual orientation until they’re middle aged. It doesn’t matter if it’s a phase or not, just support your kid and their choices without being pushy either way.


Let her figure it out on her own, just keep being there for her and keep letting her know you support her no matter what


Contrary to popular belief: Sexuality cannot be influenced. If that was true, I’d be straight since that’s all I saw in the media/friends/family growing up. I figured out I was bi in my mid-teens but I had thoughts/feelings when I was younger then that. So yeah, she knows what she is; just support her.


When I was that age I knew I liked boys and never had an attraction to the same sex. We all know what we are attracted to not something that you decide one day

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I knew I was bisexual around that age. Thinking back, I had schoolyard crushes on girls as early as 7 years old. It’s not even inherently sexual like some people seem to think young kids coming out is. For all you know she could still be having those innocent schoolyard crushes at 11, just on girls. Most kids aren’t just going to come out willy-nilly like that; coming out is hard and scary. I came out at 13 and almost seven years later, still bi. Let her figure herself out and give her the support she needs. If she does end up identifying as straight, who cares? At least she had a safe environment to figure out who she was.

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She’s the age where kids have crushes so I’d assume she probably has a crush on a girl. I wouldn’t get involved honestly. I mean that’s like asking you how you know you’re straight. She’s 11 and finding out who she is and wants to be, which is confusing without a parent questioning it. She’ll figure it out on her own and until then just support her

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How did you know you were straight. Same thing. I’m bisexual and have known since I was little. Your job is to support her no matter what her sexuality is. She may find she is attracted to one gender more then the other and choose a man later. Etc you never know.

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Totally let her figure that out on her own and just always let her know you’re happy as long as she’s happy. 11 is a curious age, and it’s also WAY more acceptable and even normal to be bisexual/pansexual/lesbian whatever it may be. Even if she ends up deciding that’s not for her, it’s very healthy and normal for her to explore that. I am 30 years old and have been attracted to women as long as I can remember. Having a support system while figuring that out myself was so necessary.

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I knew I was bisexual when I was 9 years old. I’m now 23 and my mom still thinks it’s a phase. I’d just support her in her feelings. Granted I didn’t know what that was all I knew was girls were beautiful and boys were tolerable😂
I’m married to a man and have 2 children. You can’t really pick who you fall in love with.

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They say there friends but like does bad every show its true intentions or are they using her for niceness! I dont have friends I’ve never meet! That my harsh reality!

I think kids know a lot earlier than we think they do. My daughter is almost 10 and has said things numerous times that makes me think she might be at least bisexual if not gay, does she know what that means right now I don’t don’t so but it won’t surprise me in a few years if she tells me she is.

Honestly just leave it be let her do her and don’t act any different it may or may not be a phase be ready for either

Just be who u r everyday.
IDC who u sleep with, esp in the future. 11 is too young to be having sex. Why does everyone have to know who ppl prefer to sleep with. I dont get it. I am gonna treat u like a human being not a sexual identity.

She doesn’t know if she’s gay or not. My daughter told me the same thing. I didn’t fight it. She dated a girl until the girl got to personal. She told her to back off. Then she dated a boy and didn’t like that because he was too needy. Then she dated a girl and she was too manly and aggressive. And now she’s dating a boy at 14 and has tried sex. Its a whole different Ball game then when we grew up. They have to make mistakes and wear their own shoes on their pathway of life. Just be there when she falls.

They do know. They definitely know. As a bisexual woman, I knew from a young age that I liked some girls in a more than just friends way. My 14 year old is pansexual. She told me at 13 but she knew since she was about 11.
Some kids, it can be just a phase because their friends are gay, especially these days as it’s much more widely accepted. For most, it isn’t a phase but that is something that she will have to go through and work out herself. Your role in this is to support her through everything and be her amazing mum. :blush::blush:

What does it matter? If she came to you and said “Mum, I’m straight” would you be questioning her in the same way?
I seriously don’t understand how this can still be an issue for some people. Even if she changes her mind multiple times over the years… What does it matter!?

Just let her be.

I have a 17 granddaughter she says that but I think it’s that animation

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My daughter said she liked girls and there was a girl she had a crush on. We are totally accepting and told her to love who she loves. She hasn’t talked about it since. I don’t know if she completely understands but she knows she can talk to us and we will still be her biggest support.

Just support her. Be accepting no matter what. That way she feels safe to open up to you more.
It’s awesome she can tell you these things already and feels safe doing so. Hence why I would just support and be accepting.

My sister was the same age when she came out. My daughter as well came out as Bisexual at 11.

It’s not uncommon. At that age kids start to develop “crush’s”. I was into boys and had boy crush’s, my sister was into girls. Had absolutely nothing to do with sex at that point. Just simple crush’s.

I explained to my daughter that she’s bi-curious.

There is a part of the word bisexual she was missing at 11years old. It’s the “sexual” part.

She is now 16 and not sexually active, thank god. But I explained to her that until she actually does have sexual relations with a girl and a boy, she’s not going to be able to say with certainty that she is fully bisexual as of this point. She is just bi-curious. She does have a girlfriend. But I explained that she has no way of knowing she likes sex with a girl or boy unless she’s done it. She may realize after the fact that she doesn’t like it.

I just thank God that at this point she has absolutely no interest in sex period. Yey!

I thought I was lesbian for 2 years in high school. It wasn’t until adulthood that I figured out I am bi sexual. Its just a time to explore. She will figure it all out. Give her time. And don’t discredit what she says. Just go with the flow.

It might just be a phase :woman_shrugging:t3: but you never know she’s at the age to try different things and ask questions. Just let her do her own thing. In 5 years she might only like guys or she might be bi you never know

It’s getting into stuff like that with your parent as opposed to your friends who are on your level. Her friend probably helped her with acceptance and opened that world for her using anime.

She’s figuring her self out. So right now she identifies as a lesbian and that’s awesome! But as she figures herself our more she might also realize maybe that wasn’t the right way to describe herself so she might come out to you again as something else. I have a friend that has come out to his family multiple times (3) as we grew up and he was able to learn more about the LGBTQ+ community.
Just continue to be an awesome momma and support her.

She knows, and even if she’s exploring, that’s still okay. She figuring herself out. Just be there for her, you don’t need to do anything right now but support and love her as she is. My friend’s son is 9, he’s Trans and likes girls and boys. They know, trust me. She told you in confidence because she trusts you. It doesn’t matter or change anything at the end of the day. Keep giving her that ability to confide in you mama.

So in my experience, my daughters friend came out as transgender over the summer. My daughter was with him and a mutual friend and she called to tell me over the phone she was pansexual and that she thinks she deep down is a boy. I said we will talk about this when you get home. She called me later and asked if their mother could cut her hair off just like her friends. I said no, we will talk when you get home. So when we chatted it sounded to me, like she just didn’t know where she fit in. She’s 11… likes hanging with the boys, likes doing stuff the boys do and doesn’t see herself as a girly girl. I told her to wait it out and if she still in fact wanted new clothes and new hair… we would cross that path when we came to it. Her hair is down to her butt… and she wanted to practically shave it… it was a few months later and she was in the washroom, brushing her hair and looking at herself… and thanked me for not letting her make such a rash decision in the moment. I think you just gotta let them figure it out, but also be supportive no matter the outcome.

Being a preteen is hard.

She will figure out her own sexuality. just support her and let her her no matter who she loves as long as they treat her like the Queen shes meant to be it doesnt matter.

It doesn’t matter. Just accept her. If she’s exploring, great, she will feel comfortable enough with telling you if she changes her mind. If not, then you have always accepted her, no matter what. Just accept her.

Going through the same thing with my 12 year old it’s the times and influences now i asked my kids and apparently it’s not cool to be straight now so unless you lock them up just hope they will figure it out

Just let it go. Support her when necessary

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First of all thank you for being understanding and a good mom. 2nd think of it like when you were 11 how did you know you liked boys? Ask yourself as if you were in her place. Support and an effort to understand is always a good start. The fact your on here trying is a good step even if it doesn’t look like it

She 11 and finding herself and her identity just give her time and support her always let her know that you support and love her as she goes on this difficult journey of finding herself

Just give her love and support regardless. :heart:


How old were you when you first liked a boy?

Okay, now you know.

Talk to her about it, and ask her what it means.

It may be a phase but it’s important to support her no matter what.

Does it matter at this point if it is a phase?

Years ago back in the day I never questioned being gay or straight. I have always been interested in boys/men. Very happy and loved my girl friends and still do but never questioned my identity as a woman. World has changed so much. Glad I lived back in the day.


Please for the love of god assume competence in your kid. Assume she knows what she’s talking about. Assume she’s being honest to herself. She might be wrong/lying but you will do much more damage if you question it than you will if you blindly support and believe her. I knew I was queer at like 6. Sometimes you just KNOW.


Some knew as early as 8 just didn’t know the words cause it was tabu more than now so they lived a life full of hurt and pain till they was 45.Just tell them you love them and that’s fine as long as their person is good to them, you just want them happy. MY HONEST opinion.

Probably just a phase. At 11…she may feel attraction, but is not at the age to feel anything sexual towards anyone. So she doesnt really know and it is probably just a phase she is going through to be cool like her friends. Maybe talk to her…say hey…it’s ok to feel an urge to kiss either girls or guys,but give yourself time to mature before decide anything like sexuality. You are still a kid and should be focused on school and extra curriculars,not who you want to have sex with. Sex makes you an adult too early. Dont worry about it and have fun during school and be a kid,bc those moments fly by.

Do not tell her “it’s a phase it’ll pass.” Because she needs to know you’ll support her no matter what. 14 came out at 11, and we told her we’d love her regardless. Some people pushed and still believe it’s “just a phase” but she’s learned to ignore it. Lots of talks, letting her vent to you and just being there for her Will let her know that she can go through this time at her own pace and if ever confused about anything, she’ll know she had you in her corner.

Ask yourself this, when did you know you were straight? I knew I was bisexual at 9 years old (which turns out I am Pan.

She’s 11…expect 1 million fazes

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I say why question it at all

“Mom I like blue best”
“Mom I like pants not shorts”

Ok…I’ll help you find the best blue ever
Ok…let’s see where we can find the most comfortable pants

Just the same…
“Mom…I’m gay”

Ok…let’s make sure you have the guidance for healthy relationships

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The whole purpose of self discovery is exactly that… she may feel open to liking girls… and it may shift as she fully discovers her sexuality.

Be there for her without judgement & don’t allow anyone who’s in your home to judge her. Let her know she always has you to go to. Continue doing things you both enjoy. Lesbian / straight doesn’t matter as long as she’s happy with herself. The bigger the issue is made , the bigger your relationship problems will be. Keep in mind, shes the same daughter as before.

Let her explore. If it’s a phase…so what?

I guess you just trust the process.

Introduce her to Jesus and the Bible!

Bullshit don’t sit back and allow anyone to poison your child mind. She’s not even old enough to know how she feels for anyone in that way. Sorry not sorry. I’m not against any gay adult who’s old to understand there’re choices. But Hell no to this liberal ideology bullshit poisoning there’re young minds. Whoever the other girl is assuming she’s the same age. Doesn’t even know or understand what the hell pansexual is! I’m a adult and none of it makes any sense. Talk to your daughter honestly about sexuality. Teach her right let her know you will always support her choices but they are NOT choices that are made at 11yrs old. Stop complying with this bullshit because your afraid as parents to have the sex talk better from you then anyone else.