What should I do?

let her figure it out on her own and just be the same mom you were before she said anything. a parent should educate, but not dictate. and i honestly dont believe a parent should be involved in their childs sexuality at any age.
( unless child is being hurt / abused by someone then of course intervene)

If your daughter had come to you telling you she had a crush on a boy you wouldn’t question how she knew. It’s the same here.
Is there a possibility she might discover she likes both boys and girls; or has a strong preference to one? Sure. Preferences can and do change with sexual maturity and age; but that doesn’t mean she’s wrong about what she is feeling now. The simple truth is that she knows what she is feeling is attraction.
Just love her and support her no matter where this journey takes her.

Did you know if you liked boys by the time you were 11? I definitely knew I liked both as a young kid.

If she’s not hurting herself or others then just be supportive of her, whoever she wants to be.

Just let her be if its a phase she’ll be over it if not we’ll theres your answer :slightly_smiling_face::blue_heart::heart::green_heart::yellow_heart::orange_heart::blue_heart:

I do not accept a child saying that. Someone is teaching that crap to them

Let her figure it out. Maybe it is just because of her friend. If it is, she’ll realize it. If it’s not, then just be happy she felt comfortable enough to come out to you. Let her live. All of our journeys are different. I was INSISTENT I was straight until I was in my late 20’s when I realized I didn’t just think girls were pretty. :joy: She’ll work it out in her own time. All you should worry about is being supportive & loving her the way you have been. Clearly, it’s working :black_heart:

If it’s a phase, then love her through it. If it’s permanent, love her through it. Confusion is a normal part of growing and so is wanting to fit in. Just love her through it all :blue_heart:

1 Like

She’ll have to figure it out on her own. Just be there for her like you’ve been doing and y’all should be good to go.

How do 9, 10, 11, 12yo girls know they’re straight?
You just are what you are and like what you like.

I remember being in 4th grade and liking this girl. Not sexual but thought she was cute. Maybe she thinks girls are cute.

Same way straight girls know they’re straight. They just know…:woman_shrugging:t4:

You did the best thing by hugging her. Support her and just be there to listen. She will fill in all your questions and the blanks when she is ready. You’re an awesome mom.

Did you know for sure you liked boys at that age ?

What would
Jesus do. Say little girl
God made you wrong so you can just be a little boy. I think not. He’d say you are forgiven go and sin no more.

I would get a belt and a bible and teach my child right from wrong.

I was allergic to everyone until I was 12. turns out I like tits .
Wish I didn’t breed though. I’m 38 Nd still pumping out Kidd. Snip snip for me kids are not the greatest thing you’ll do. It’s a lie trust me

Doesn’t matter what she is Support her anyhow.

Anime doesn’t equal gay lol

We all went to Sunday school when I was a young girl 50 some years ago. Never even thought about this. We were happy kids…….not confused.

All my crushes from the age of 8 were girls, yet no one told me I could be gay. I thought maybe bi and that liking boys was the default. I became increasingly miserable and suicidal, and it wasn’t until I met my current partner three years ago that it all clicked, and everything in my life has changed for the best.

Much like straight kids know, LGBTQIA+ kids do too. Support and education isn’t indoctrination or propaganda, it can quite literally be life or death.

48 Likes

Kids can tell by like second grade what crushes are. Theyre innocent when theyre that young because theres usually nothing sexual invovled, just warm fuzzy feelings in their heart and brain. When they get to middle school, the concern usually turns to if you’ll get your first kiss or not.
Have a talk about consent for holding hands, kissing, hugging. In a year or two, discuss the next level of love and bring up consent and knowing when to be appropriate.
If you choose to ignore this or punish it, or worse, tell her you think it’s a phase, you’ll be telling her that you dont care what she feels or thinks and it will send her into hiding things from you in a time in her life when she needs your support and guidance.
Believe your daughter. Understand that sexuality is not only part of humanity, but its also an evolving and sliding scale, meaning she may think shes gay now but might be pan or bi later. Trust her for the language she has now and help be a listening ear that supports her as she grows and matures.

41 Likes

No-one ever asks how heterosexual children can know

You don’t know for sure & she might not know yet. Wait & see.

Let her express herself. Be sure to educate her on sex safety for different situations. She at 11 has some idea of what she is attracted to, however when she starts having sexual relationships she will know for sure what she feels. Your job is to teach her how to have healthy relationships no matter what partner she chooses :heart:

2 Likes

just wait. whatever is a phase will burn out and whatever isnt will stick.

She is not gay. One is not born that way…it is a choice.

My daughter is 14 and she’s bi she’s happy I’m happy I’m leaveing her to make her own choice she knows I’m here to talk to and she does I don’t make her second guess herself either it’s something she has to figure out herself

2 Likes

She just knows. Like asking a straight woman or man how they know they’re straight… X

No. Be a parent for God’s sake.

If your daughter had a boyfriend or a crush on a boy you wouldn’t question it. At what point does it go from being acceptable to only saying you like the opposite sex to saying you like the same?

20 Likes

Leave her to it :woman_shrugging:

my bro is gay. gay like any kind of sex is a choice and a lifestyle over the years i have met his friends and lovers …from looking from the outside this is what i know …me myself and i and what i want is much more important to me selfishness rules …allot of mental illness is in that community and drinking or drugs but thats every where… i find little stableness in the lifestyle.some susses in careers if they choose that but there is apart that missing in there lives nothing we can do about that they have to choose it for themselves i pray for my brother allot give him words of encouragement i have told him that my idenity of who i am is not built around sex thar 15 min with ur mate but upon the charitor and resolve or moral line god center. he hates god because god hates his sin he cant see we all sin we all need god so i pray for one day he will return to christ jesus in the mean while i just love him as he is

16 Likes

Does it matter what she feels about her sexuality? Especially at 11? If it’s a phase you’ll find that out. If not then as you say you don’t have a problem with her being gay.

2 Likes

I have 3 adult children.My only daughter came out …no I literally had to drag it out of her, when she was 17.She’s my oldest.I just cried, gave her a big hug, as we cried together and told her that no matter what, she was still my babygirl.My 3rd child came out to me when he was 18…I kinda guessed it about the both of them.As with the oldest, I just gave him a big hug, and that was it.They are both now in their 20’s living there own lifestyle.I’ve met people that they have dated over the years.Not an issue.My middle child has given me two Grandchildren.I’m good with that.They are my kids.I love them.That’s my story.:slightly_smiling_face:

12 Likes

This is exactly what kids are suffering from. Peer pressure to question their own sexuality.

2 Likes

I think whatever choice she makes either or. As a parent my job is to support my kiddo and be there for them. Guide them. If she was my daughter I just be okay I’m okay with that I love you and support you. :heart::heart::heart:

5 Likes

How did you know you liked boys you fucking potato with eyes? That’s probably how she knows, too. What a concept.

Question… when did you know you are heterosexual? Did you always know? Or were you unsure until you were an adult?
Just be accepting of your daughter. Even if she is following her friends, you can’t fake sexuality. She will figure out who she is in time. She just needs you to love her and accept her choices. :pray:

1 Like

A friend inspiring an interest in your daughter, such as anime, is normal. That’s not “following” the crowd, nor is it odd in any way- that’s a normal friendship. Using anime as a specific example, it took me a while to get interested in it, too- my sister was the first to show it to me, but I didn’t really like it until a boyfriend showed me the animes that he likes. Sharing things in friendship is normal.

Being gay, on the other hand, is not something that people just DECIDE to be because “their friends are doing it”. It’s definitely not something kids choose to call themselves to be cool, either. It can take time, though, to realise those feelings or to feel comfortable enough to talk to anyone about it. Using myself again as an example- I didn’t realise that I like girls, as well as boys, until I was in high school. But, I didn’t really have anyone who I felt comfortable talking to about it. Her choosing to tell you is special- it means she trusts you, & that she knows wholeheartedly that you love her unconditionally. So, just love her, be her mom, & if her “labels” change as she’s discovering herself, don’t question her. Self-discovery can take a lot of time, a lot of confusing moments & emotions are involved, & she needs you to be there for her, loving her for who she is.:purple_heart:

1 Like

Tbh just show her love and keep it all open to discussion. I learnt from my son that actually love is love, you could just love a person because you do regardless of gender and as long as she understands that you don’t need to fit into a sexuality it is fine. She will find where she is eventually and you won’t feel like it’s a phase and she won’t feel pressured either. Keep the conversation open to the fact that you can just fall for anyone x best of luck

It’s normal to get crushes on opposite sex when young and new hormonal changes impact kids brains. It’s confusing for every kid. Boundaries to protect your kids entail teaching them about their development sexually and socially. At some point when peers become the major influence… kids must be warned that the need to conform to peers to separate themselves from parents and enter into mating is so biologically imperative that they may be coerced into accepting their peers definitions of what to believe about who they are in order to stay in their “group”. They must be given the space to talk out and question…. and be told it’s normal and painful to leave friends and groups who no longer represent their own personal beliefs… and they will make new friends. This even happens to adults! 2) They need to be disciplined with family rules as to when and what kind of affection is appropriate between any person at any age. They need to be supervised physically and online… and have strict rules for dating where parents can verify and check on their activities to some degree as possible. This helps give them space and time to think about who they are without too much pressure.

Kids growing up too soon these days. Only 7 years of being a kid and then it’s dating, sex etc. Crazy stuff

My daughter recently came to me with the same thing, same age and all. In her case though, I suspected she was gay about a year before she told me. In the end, who cares if it’s a phase? Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Ultimately, in my mind, it doesn’t matter either way because I love her the same either way.

You know when you know. When I was preteen I always have girl crushes. So I did came into the phase wondering if having girl crushes means I am a lesbian. But then when I was 12 a friend whose openly lesbian told me she likes me likes me and I realized I am not into her like that cause I can never see me kissing or being intimate with another girl. So I knew then I wasn’t into girl but I do still have girl crushes but more like I like her attributes maybe because of my insecurities but never like her to be with her. Now I have a kid who is openly bisexual and I am okay with his choice cause I know he knows what he wants.

You have to remember they’re still growing, it’s possible she’ll change or not. Just let her find her own thing. She’ll figure it out and you’ll support her, just let her do her :blush:

Let her find out on her own. I came out at 15 after never really having boyfriends. I also copied my friends in a way, and had recently met a girl who was also a lesbian. That said, I’m an adult now, and have been with that friend for almost 10 years now. If she changes her mind, she changes her mind. It doesn’t have to be permanent, but let her decide.

As the mom of an amazingly wonderful lesbian daughter… I say, always believe, trust and support her. She will evolve, change, refine who/what she is. Everyone, hopefully, grows and changes. When she is older she may have discovered that she is really bi, straight or a number of other possibilities. She may not have been comfortable enough for full disclosures, because your mom, because she just isn’t fully comfortable with that side of herself yet or maybe she hasn’t figured everything out yet. So just go with the flow, make sure lines of communication are open and she feels supported.

I have written an entire Capstone paper that debunks Bisexual stereotypes and truth be told, just about everyone is instinctually Bisexual to some extent to start out with. Not one person is far left or far right on the spectrum. There is a way to feel emotionally connected to someone and it not be physical. Even if it is a phase, which is rarely the case nowadays because of how socially accepted it is today, it is better to let the individual determine this themselves as it should not be others concern so long as it brings no physical or emotional harm on such individual. And if such harm does come into play, all one can really do is be a support system when such individual seeks such support. In addition to this, there is one way to open your perspective of how bisexuality can be viewed as a crash course into pansexuality. Imagine an X/Y graph with Monosexual to the far left and Bisexual to the far right. Now imagine Monogamous to the far bottom and Polygamous to the far top. Now a person can be monogamous and monosexual but still be straight or gay (4th quadrant), as well as a person being monogamous and being bisexual thus perferring one sex over another(3rd quadrant), or even being bisexual and being polygamous (2nd quadrant). And then there are those who are monosexual but polygamous which fall into the 1st quadrant and this can apply to those who identify as gay and straight individuals. Being pansexual simply means you can be attracted to a pretty much anyone so long as there is an emotional or physical connection or even both. But know this; not all pansexuals are polygamous, there are those who find deep connections with more than anticipated because of how welcoming or inviting their personality might be; however, communication is key in this particular case. It can be difficult watching from the sidelines instead of being directly involved if you happen to notice her involvement with different indivuals. And yes there is the potential of there being disappointment whether she chooses to start relationships with either one or more individuals. The point is this is something she will need to discover for herself and her brain is her own controlling her own meca of a skeletal system with her own meat armor. Her thoughts and experiences will always be with her and it is best to maybe remind her to be open and honest with those who she involves in her love life so that her preferences are heard and respected. This should earn you some of her trust as a start.

Thanks for being amazingly accepting. In this world where we see the lgbtqia esp the young ones are being bullied, sidelined and stigmatized sadly most times by loved ones, you are doing great. All your daughter need right now is your love, support and time to discover herself.

Just let her go she will figure out what she likes xx

Totally get involved!

If she told you she sure

Social conditioning!

Keep being open discuss everything don’t shy away from the awkward conversations make it all very normal ( and dare I say boring!) and then she will come to her own decisions in her own time
Hard when you care so much for them and wan’t them to be happy as long as she knows you are always there for her no matter what and home is a safe space she will be just fine
X

Liking anime (things her friend likes) is a separate issue than being gay.

Most of my gay friends knew when they were 5 years old.

If she told you she liked boys would you think it was just a phase?

Wild how we are never too young to know we are straight