So my wife and I started dating in 2019. Fast forward to Jan 2020 we got married. Then we tried for a child, it worked on the first try. Beautiful, healthy baby girl joined us in late 2020. Fast forward to now, daughter just turned One. And my wife and i haven’t been intimate since we conceived our daughter. I’ve expressed numerous of times how this is a problem/issue on my end. And all i get is “I’m sorry it’s not you it’s me”. I’m not a sex crazed person but it’s been almost TWO years!! I’m dying on the inside a little bit. Previously in our relationship when we were dating we had sex so much, like a ridiculous amount.
I’m 35yr old and I don’t think it’s normal to feel this unwanted by a spouse!
Anyone else experience this? Thoughts, comments, advise?
Maybe her hormones changed with the pregnancy and after. Sometimes people loose their sex drive for awhile. Are you an actine spouse. Help around the house, take care care of your daughter? Etc. sometimes moms get overwhelmed with all the tasks that they truly dont want to have sex out of exhaustion. Give her a spa day put your daughter to bed early run her a bath and take time for romance.
My case had nothing to do with him being unwanted. It really was, just me! I was simply exhausted all the time during infant/toddler yrs. Postpartum played a huge part too.
Plainly put, I had no extra energy for intimacy! Zero! Nothing!! Wanting it didn’t change my energy, him asking didn’t change it, drinks, therapy, etc didn’t change it. He had to wait it out, alone with a bottle of lube and a towel.
She likely is very aware of how you feel and she’s frustrated too. But there is no overriding mental and physical exhaustion. You work around it.
Eventually when he took a far more active home role and allowed me some real rest- my drive rose again…just a thought
Read the 5 love languages, it is a life changer! Maybe you are showing her love in a way that she doesn’t feel love. Or vice versa. This book was amazing for my relationship and taught us so much about each other
Everybody is different after birth. But one thing we all have in common, is that each of our bodies & or minds, have changed in some way shape or form. Maybe she’s insecure after the fact or maybe it’s linked to PPD. But either way, it seems like there’s something going on psychologically. Ask her how she’s doing mentally and see if she needs help. PPD doesn’t have a time frame, it can happen immediately after birth or even years later. Kids&babies take a huge toll on parents, but especially the mama. Give a little much needed TLC, maybe a vacation, or counseling may do the trick. But don’t let the end goal just be about sex. See her as the human being she is and treat her as such. Good luck to you and your bond after baby. 
After we have children. Our hormones are jacked up, low libido. Depression, we feel our bodies have changed so much. I know I did. There are lots of factors. She may need to see a doctor. Being around children constantly, getting touched, climbed on, yelled at the last thing we want is to be touched even more. Over time things get better. But she probably needs to see a doctor and see where she’s at hormonal. She may need to take something to help her get back in the mood. It’s very hard for us. Give her some grace!
Maybe help her around the house more and do more FOR her and she will want to do more for you, if not then maybe suggest couples counseling or alone counseling so she can talk to someone and get to be herself again. It’s not fair for her to hold out on you for years like that. Or even months.
this is very common for women who’ve had a baby. Sometimes i’m the exact way with my husband and i’m sure it sucks for him but i’m not going to do something i don’t want to do. it’s mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting to be a mother
I didn’t lose my sex drive after kids, I’m 36. But I do have to say if I have had like a stressful day with 4 kids and I haven’t slept well or something I’m not really into it that night, but 2 years is a long time to not have sex, I know everyone’s drive is different. Maybe she had some hormonal changes, or it doesn’t feel good anymore. I know someone who after their child sex doesn’t feel the same anymore. It could be a lot of things. I would literally sit down with her and just ask her “why doesn’t she like sex anymore?” Maybe she will tell you, maybe she doesn’t know or maybe it’s been so long she just doesn’t miss it. Idk but I have a hard time believing it’s because she just had a kid over a year ago. Do you guys get alone time at all? Date night ect.
I have a almost 1.5 year old I am literally “touched” out at the end of the day. My family thinks me saying that is funny but seriously I have had a child on me for over a year. Sometimes I cringe when being even hugged.
You need to as gently as possible recommend that she goes to see a doctor.
That amount of time isn’t “normal”.
It could be an issue with her hormones.
I have had this happen because of a hormone imbalance and it’s hard to explain because I love my husband so much, and I do want him, but my body is just exhausted and is stuck in this mode of intimacy where I want emotional intimacy more than I want physical.
Luckily once I was able to voice this with my husband, he was really understanding and accommodating to what my mental health needs were and it helped a lot between the doctor and my husbands support, we soon after we’re able to work it out where we were physical more often, but I still have my moments but it’s easier to notice them now and see what’s needed for my body to regulate itself outs
I’m in your wife’s position…it’s been almost a year. My poor husband, he wants it, I know he does. But I don’t an everytime I think I do, I just can’t. I honestly don’t know why but I’m just not interested. So believe her when she says it’s not you, it’s her.
How about make her a nice bath an have her relax an when she gets out spoil her in the bed room??? Sounds nice to me.
It may actually not have anything to do with you. It could be an issue with hormones caused by pregnancy. It’s not uncommon for women to go through this. She probably feels like something is wrong with her! I would really suggest her talking to her dr, this is more than likely a fixable issue.
He said they disnt have sex while she was pregnant either. Some of yall didnt read all the way thru.
All these women saying it’s normal after a child. Pfft, I’ve had 4 and only gone this long when single.
Also, she didn’t have sex with him while pregnant either, so, I absolutely don’t blame you for feeling this way… actually, I’d feel a whole lotta used too.
The way I see it, and I often see things differently because I’m neurodiverse, is this… The difference between a friend and a partner, is sex. If we aren’t having sex, we’re just friends/roommates.
She needs to see a doctor and figure it out. Personally, I’d of been a long time ago but never mind.
If she wants your marriage to work then she’ll be willing to figure out what the issue is, if she genuinely doesn’t know, or do something about it if she does.
Good luck.
So I am currently pregnant due in a few weeks and I haven’t had sex in a very long time… my boyfriend who I’ve been with for 4 years wishes we could have sex regularly but I just don’t feel it… it’s not him I honestly just feel ugly, I’m older now (I have other kids but my youngest is 6 so it’s been a minute) and I feel like a cow my hormones are crazy, I feel heavy and we don’t argue about it and we don’t talk about he’s fine with how things are for now I guess but it would help if he told me I was pretty because he doesn’t… I am super insecure and being pregnant doesn’t help. I’m not comparing you two but this my situation. Maybe if you made her feel sexy she would jump into it lol, I already have a plan for when baby comes, I’m going to treat myself, cut my hair, get my nails done anything to “feel” pretty again because right now I honestly believe I’m the most un attractive woman walking the earth and no one can tell me different… there’s tons of good feed back from everyone I hope something helps
Most women are tried after taking care of the child but two years is really long time. Maybe her body doesn’t look the same so she doesn’t feel sexy. You might want to get a babysitter a grandparent for the whole weekend and go away together and be with each other without your child like it used to be. Enjoy each other company and be romantic.
After having my kids my sex drive went out the window then adding the implant birth control basically sex drive is non existent. I have tried some otc pills to help which they do work but get extremely expensive.
Talk her to nicely, get her into a dr… hormones, PPD, it’s not fair to either of you and if this keeps up it will eventually drive a wedge between your relationship even more, when I know my other half wants it and I rarely do, I do it to make him happy cause withholding doesn’t do either of us good, lube, toys, fake it til you make it 
Hold up… where are all the comments that I normally see? “leave” “you deserve better” “seriously thats a red flag” “You need to find a real woman not a little girl” 
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My wife it’s possible always on point and I always believe her she my son and mind best friend . Micaela Cordero
I thought I was the only one 
I feel so bad for my love and I’m still deeply attracted to him but it’s just not there I’m currently waiting to see my doctor to talk about it
With my first child, my drive for sex went completely out the window. And it was definitely because of my ex-husband. I cleaned up after him and our child constantly, I never got any help with our child, I was a single mother living with his father. Fast forward about 3 years and I left him, found someone else, had my second baby and my sex drive has been pretty normal since then. My second son’s father actually acted like a father. So my question would be do you act like a father and help like you’re supposed to or just let her do everything? Is she feeling touched out? Does she have a hormone imbalance? If she says its her and not you, ask her to go to the doctor, or give her some time to herself. And I don’t mean to go grocery shopping or take a bath. Give her some time to go with a friend to the movies or get her nails done with a friend. Give her some me time.
Also, Post Partum Depression is a possibility. I had it HORRIBLE with my second son, and im still not quite right after 2½ years. Mine was so bad I was quite ready to die, and I spent a lot of time locking myself in the closet so I wouldn’t do something stupid. If she’s dealing with this, she needs to be seen by her doctor and needs to go to therapy.
I went through the same thing, it was a hormone issue on top of feeling fat and ugly. I felt disgusting too bc I couldn’t stay clean, I either had baby spit on me or food from teeny fingers learning to eat couldn’t shower as much as I wanted because the babies needs and wants trumped my own. After getting pregnant with our second baby my hormones got back to normal but then I stayed tired from always being up with one or the other ontop of my daughter starting to have seizures while I was pregnant with the second. The sex comments from my husband made me depressed and made me feel like a crappy partner bc I knew there was an issue but I didn’t have the time or money to get treatment from a doctor and the few times I did try to discuss it I was brushed off. It does get better and it does take time but if she can find a doctor worth listening it could speed things up 
Try therapy after kids that’s just 1 thing that goes out the window for most. U 2 should try planning a date night atleast once a week or very least once a month. Buy her a sexy outfit, flowers if she likes them, take her 2 a movie and a nice dinner. Drop baby off at a family members house 4 the night so u can focus on each other. If she does all the house work do it 4 a day or everyday offer 2 take some things off her plate. I promise u in a relationship u will get what u put in and a little communication goes a long way. Closed minds won’t get either of u anywhere.
I’m sure my husband did. I didn’t want to have sex while pregnant bc I was scared. We also had a lot of sex in the beginning of our relationship. It was almost a year or a little over a year until we had sex. It’s a lot as is to have a baby attached to you (I breastfed for 6 months) and I still don’t get my own space until bed time. She’s probably really stressed out just try to go on date nights and give her affection and help out with whatever you can. I was constantly stressed and overworked so of course I didn’t have a libido. I just wanted to sleep.
I had the opposite problem my significant other didnt want it while I was pregnant I wanted it all the time
Probably shouldn’t have married her if you just wanted a sex doll… and you have to take into account that she had a baby so she may feel insecure or just flat out don’t feel like doing it anymore.
It was similar with my husband. We’d have long talks about it with no change in the end. I ended up leaving with that being one of many reasons.
She may be suffering from PPD or hormonal imbalance due to the pregnancy. It’s very common and easily treatable. Speak to her about seeing her doctor to have her hormone levels tested. Worth a shot. Best of luck.
Literally happened to me and sometimes a pregnancy will do it, it took me almost 3 years to get it back. But you might ask her to see a doctor it could be her thyroid
I’ve had four kids and a tubal ligation, which kills your sex drive, but even I have to admit that is a very long time to go without sleeping with your partner. I don’t know if you have already tried, but maybe a weekend without the little one, or watch a sexy movie together, anything you can think of that she really use to like. I’m sorry you are going through this,no know it’s not easy. It’s wonderful that you care enough to ask for help, I hope everything gets better between you to.
make a date night weekly and organise a reliable babysitter you have lost the emotional connection.dont pressure her for anything but learn how to reconnect again and talk.
She may need to go see a Dr. It happens a lot yo women after we have babies we completely lose our sex drive and trust me she Is struggling with it just as much as you but she may be uncomfortable to talk about it. So again maybe encourage her to see her Dr.
Did her body change after baby? Does she have a tummy now? Gained weight?
This is sad and I get it on both sides don’t threaten don’t cheat have her talk to Dr then if need be a therapist that specializes in the field if your marriage and love are more important than the sex you’ll come out ahead and better for it it’s not her fault but she needs help with child chores and mental hang in there and talk. Good Luck
She’s probably exhausted. Help out around the house and with your child and you’ll probably get some interest. 
She needs to communicate with you more—but maybe she doesn’t know how. It is extremely common for first-time mothers to not understand or recognize Post-Partum Symptoms. So maybe she knows that something is wrong or not normal, but she doesn’t know what it is or how to describe it to you. DEFINITELY ask her to sit down with her doctor and find out if she is having some PPD. They can ask her questions that neither of you might think of, that can help narrow down the problem. In the meantime, ask her what YOU can do for her. It could really make a difference for her if you let her take a day or at least a few consecutive hours for herself, where she has ZERO responsibility for anyone but her. Not worried about the baby, not worried about the house, not worried about being a wife…just able to decompress and do anything she wants to do. If she doesn’t want you to do that, then things as simple as picking up around the house for her or doing things that will take responsibility off her plate could really make a difference. Good Luck!
Between being exhausted from raising a child, the insecurities about my body, and the depression - my boyfriend and I have only been intimate like maybe 3 times the past 2 1/2 years and that’s only been like the past couple months because I’ve felt slightly more motivated to do so.
Have you tried asking her to go more in depth about it or are you just letting her leave it at “it’s not you it’s me” maybe offer couples therapy?
She likely needs therapy. Pregnancy, childbirth and then motherhood fucks up your entire mind, body and soul. Not saying it doesn’t do that for men, I’m only speaking for women. Maybe you can seek counselling, too, in order to properly cope with the lack of sex and how to handle her properly to encourage her mental health.
This is why you don’t marry someone within the first year you meet them 
Maybe she doesn’t feel confident after having a baby. It takes its toll on a mom to feel comfortable with her body. Try to compliment her on how great she looks, what a good mom she is, help her to see her beauty in her new role as a mom.
Sorry. But. It’s not you.
Tell her to have her thyroid checked.