What should I do?

So my wife and I started dating in 2019. Fast forward to Jan 2020 we got married. Then we tried for a child, it worked on the first try. Beautiful, healthy baby girl joined us in late 2020. Fast forward to now, daughter just turned One. And my wife and i haven’t been intimate since we conceived our daughter. I’ve expressed numerous of times how this is a problem/issue on my end. And all i get is “I’m sorry it’s not you it’s me”. I’m not a sex crazed person but it’s been almost TWO years!! I’m dying on the inside a little bit. Previously in our relationship when we were dating we had sex so much, like a ridiculous amount.
I’m 35yr old and I don’t think it’s normal to feel this unwanted by a spouse!
Anyone else experience this? Thoughts, comments, advise?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What should I do?

I’m sorry but I’ve had 3 babies and I’ve never not wanted my spouse for that long. It seems to me that he is being very understanding, considering he has waited two years already. She needs to tell him whatever the problem is because something else is going on. If it’s a medical issue then he should know about it. Regardless, she should be communicating what the issue is to him. You can’t expect anyone to go that long without sex and not feel unwanted. It’s cruel and unfair.

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After pregnancy I had issues like this. It was depression. I never got my body back. I was tired all the time. I didn’t feel sexy. Requests for sex just made me feel worse - inadequate. It took time. When I started feeling powerful and sexy again my sex drive came back. There’s no quick fix for that, but think of ways to help her see herself as strong. After a few months she may start a shift.

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I’m in the same boat as you. Except it’s my husband who doesn’t want to have any intimacy at all. We had 3 kids back to back in 2 years. My husband’s sex drive took a huge downturn. Dr said everything was normal. After 6 years of nothing he wanted to be intimate again. It resulted in our 4th child. We currently have not been intimate in 7 years 8 months. He says he has no desire for anything like that. Not even masturbating. I have tried everything I can. I have accepted that sex will not be a part of our lives and I am ok with that. You don’t have to have sex to be happy in a marriage. For the ones that are telling him to leave, that’s not right. If he loves her, it doesn’t matter. OP talk to her, maybe seeing a therapist will help. It help with us and helped me understand what was going on. You need to have that open communication with your wife.

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She needs to see a doctor. Bc that is def not normal. Could be a hormonal imbalance. Maybe y’all also could take a weekend away from the baby just the two of you and pump up the romance too. She may need some extra emotional attention to get her back in the mood.

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Ask if she would like you to accompany her to a Dr visit. Discuss it as openly and honestly as you can. Just keep the lines of communication open and don’t give up!

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My advice would be slow,ly, slowly. It’s actually about her and not you. Engage, suggest picnic in the park, recite her poetry, pick her a bunch of daisies. Re connect with your new family…the rest is easy. :kissing_heart:

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Women go through alot after having a baby. Chances are its not you. Shes probably feeling not so great about herself. She may even be depressed and not realize it. Having kids make women insecure. That and shes probably exhausted. At the end of the day when taking care of kids and housework and if she works shes not thinking about sex period. Also are you trying to be more romantic ? Just telling her hey im horny will NOT turn her on. Chances are it’ll do the exact opposite. Maybe have a talk with her more in depth.

Go stray buddy, noone should be in a relationship and not be intimate with your S/O for almost 2 years, I don’t know what the deal is with that, but you’re a very patient man for dealing with that!!! JMO

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Here comes all the she’s a women give her time post. Cuz us guys it’s not about us at all. If your a guy that ur opinion is irrelevant to whatever situation is happening. The female is almost always in the right and we just gotta be patient and appreciate their feelings. Lol

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Date night and romance

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I think you need couple counseling. If she won’t go, go alone.

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We don’t know the whole story just his version of it. How do we know he’s not an a$$ or he doesn’t shower or something.

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She needs to go to the doctor

Suck up - she just had a baby ’ it not been two years - its 2021 !

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Sometimes after having a baby, your appetite changes and it takes a while to come back. Your desires just completely shut off. Alot of things happened in a short amount of time. Sometimes it physically hurts to be intimate. Being a mom is a 24 hour job so everything is out of wack. It’s not personal it’s just that happens to alot of women & we get shamed about it. Going elsewhere isn’t worth the drama.

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After I was born my father told mom it was easier to jack off in shower then to have sex with her…

Go with her to her OB-GYN this is not normal.

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Ill be honest it happens after my first baby my body went back to “normal” but after my 2nd it did not :frowning: it took me almost 6 months to notice i wasnt happy with myself my husband also told me he wanted to be like it used to . What we did together was go on a date once every 2 weeks just him and me no kids all day spend time with eachother. I got into the gym i didnt loose all the weight but omg did it help having 2hrs by myself in the gym working on me!! Rightnow she is focused on ur daughter and she needs a little help getting herself together . Do it together help her and suggest doing some things without ur daughter.

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Have you tried to be more romantic? Women go threw so many changes after having a child.

It honestly could have nothing to do with you…it could be her…women go through alot with having a baby she could be having issues with how she feels about her body…and not to mention the chemical changes that happen in a womens body during growing a child…all I can suggest is having an in depth conversation with her and/or show her thats she is still what u want and so on

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She’s absolutely right. It’s not you, it’s her. She may have post partum depression and not even realize it. She needs to talk to her doctor. It’s not uncommon for a woman’s libido to take a hit after having a baby but almost 2 years is a little long. She may have insecurities about her body, she may be exhausted, she may be having a hormonal imbalance. Talk to her about seeing her doctor and tell her you will go with her.

She could have postpartum depression I had it and I didn’t want sex for 2 years

Sometimes a woman doesn’t want sex anyone after giving birth she needs to see her doctor and he or she can help her with this problem

Get rid of her ASAP! She’s not interested in you, she doesn’t care and quite frankly I can almost guarantee that she’s cheating on you or is planning to. She’s going to leave you sooner or later and you will be the one who is screwed (so to speak) in the end. FACTS!