What should I do?

So my wife and I started dating in 2019. Fast forward to Jan 2020 we got married. Then we tried for a child, it worked on the first try. Beautiful, healthy baby girl joined us in late 2020. Fast forward to now, daughter just turned One. And my wife and i haven’t been intimate since we conceived our daughter. I’ve expressed numerous of times how this is a problem/issue on my end. And all i get is “I’m sorry it’s not you it’s me”. I’m not a sex crazed person but it’s been almost TWO years!! I’m dying on the inside a little bit. Previously in our relationship when we were dating we had sex so much, like a ridiculous amount.
I’m 35yr old and I don’t think it’s normal to feel this unwanted by a spouse!
Anyone else experience this? Thoughts, comments, advise?


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What should I do?

Therapy!!! Having a child changes the hormones in a woman’s body. Sometimes they develop postpartum depression and if it goes untreated it can lead to regular depression. Hoping for the best for y’all


You should discuss the idea of couples counselling with her. If she is invested in your relationship then she will be on board. Seeking counselling is not a bad thing, it shows that you are willing to work and learn for your relationship.

As others have said, pregnancy and child birth create insane changes in our hormones. It could be that her love language has changed with the change in the family dynamic. Take the time to learn what she needs to feel loved and appreciated for what she does. It may be that telling her how beautiful she is and intimate touch doesn’t do it for her anymore, and acts of service are more meaningful to her.


After I had my son 7 years ago my sex drive diminished. My hormones changed me in every aspect of who I am and was as a person. I suffer from panic attacks and anxiety and that alone has decreased my sex drive. With that being said , I work very hard at making sure and trying to keep intimacy between my husband and myself because it’s unfair to him. And although he’s understanding of my struggles I have to understand how it affects him. It is me not him but I have a responsibility to him as well.
I wouldn’t jump right to and say she is cheating. There has to be a understanding on both parts here. At the same time she also needs to make a effort within herself an the relationship to work together. It can’t just be “it’s me not you” and no effort on her part for that connection. That might be something you should discuss. Ask her what would help her in that area. But she has to work with you as well.


You are right, this is odd. It usually happens naturally over many years, that physical intimacy changes, with the sex part diminishing greatly by perhaps the sixties and older. But you are too young to accept this as permanent. Convince her to go to a good marriage counselor with you. If that doesn’t work, please go alone. This should be fixable.


So many changes come with having a child, she may not feel as attractive, she may also feel exhausted. Are you pulling your weight in raising the child? If not resentment may set in and she may feel the parenting is falling on her shoulders alone, its easy to lose yourself once you become a mama.

Having a child can seriously mess up the hormonal balance in the body. Therapy, maybe seeing a doctor. Just ask her if there is something going on with here before you try pressing sex. I understand sex is important in a healthy relationship (most of the time). She may have something else going on that she hasn’t even noticed yet.

It maybe her hormones…I can relate in a way. When my husband and I first got together, we had sec almost daily if not daily. And in November I had kidney stones and it hurt so bad to have sex. After that, it’s almost November again and I just don’t have the sex drive I used to have. It’s not him at all!! But I just don’t want to do it hardly

Her hormones could be off balance still. Have her talk to her doctor

After my husband and I had our son my sex drive went south and I have no clue why. I even tried different meds and nothing. We only have sex once a month if that. I just turned 31. It happens and honestly it really might now be you and it’s her hormones. My husband and I have a great marriage I just now have no sex drive and its been almost 3 years.

Make sure her mental health is ok! A lot happens to a woman during pregnancy & even gets worse after having the baby. I’ve been guilty of this myself with my husband & I didn’t think anything was truly wrong then found out I had major depression, I found help through my doctor, I have it under control now. She sounds like she either needs the same help or she needs to open up more to you to find the issue. You’re a special man to be standing by her through this, it is hard for a man & it made me super upset that I did the same exact thing to my husband before. I hope you all get the help & see great changes in your relationship!! :crossed_fingers:

Too young to be sexless, she needs to see her Dr.

ppd! She should see someone

If she’s on birth control it makes sex drive go down and the want of it non existent.

Is she on birth control. Going back on birth control after our first I completely lost my sex drive. Now being off of it for a few months my sex drive came back.


IMO it’s not normal and she should def should talk to someone. You too in fact. Any signs of anxiety/depression since becoming a parent? Body changes physically after having a baby can make you feel less appealing and simply lose interest in sex afterward. Talk with each other :pray:t2:


If you have been more then a few months without sex she is probably getting it elsewhere… but 2 years without sex she is definitely getting it elsewhere