My daughters father and I were married for 9 years. We got a divorce little less than a year ago. He’s moved to another state and our daughter lives with me. Since he’s moved, he’s not called her but a few times on his own, without us calling or me asking him to call. He almost always never answers the phone when our daughter calls. It really upsets her to the point where she doesn’t want to cal him anymore b/c she knows he won’t answer. I’ve talked to him multiple times about this and told him how she told me she feels about it. He never says anything about it. Just tells me he’s dealing with life…I need advice on how to either get him to talk to her more or have her not be so upset about it.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What should I do?
Make him do the calling. She shouldn’t have to reach out to him at all.
Let it play out. She needs to see what a deadbeat he is on her own.
Just move on!!!You can’t make anyone be a parent.His loss not hers❤️
How old is she? Eventually shes going to realize its on him and wont want anything to do with him. U cant force a selfish person to do right even for their child. Im sorry u both have 2 deal w this.
You can’t force anyone to do anything. You can’t force a person to be active in their child’s life.
Make the child know she’s loved by you.
Do not bash or talk negatively about the Dad. The child can make their own opinion in time.
You can’t force it and you shouldn’t try. If he wanted to be there, he would
I feel this hard. I just let my child know that her dad has his own problems to face and they aren’t her fault and it’s okay to be upset. Tell her to talk about as much as she wants cry about it but don’t ever feel like you are loved less. I reassure mine that I am here always and hopefully one day daddy will get better. Also tell her to express herself to him when she does talk but never feel obligated to call him. She is a child he is an adult it’s his responsibility to keep that end up.
You’ve tried your best think its best for your daughter to cut him off you can’t force him to be her dad and its not fair on her for him to keep letting her down xx well done for trying but I feel this is it now, he’s clearly not bothered and your daughter has her mumma x
This is sooo sad…She will learn early that people let you down even PARENTS!
Honestly, I’d stop forcing the communication. Let him disappear. It’s only hurting your child.
Stop letting her call and getting her feelings hurt.
Try counseling to help her cope. You can’t make him be a parent. Be there for her for the both of you the best you can. Having my mom there when my dad wasn’t helped me a lot.
She can’t wait on him. That’s not teaching her well. You move on with life. She will figure it out on her own as time goes on. You can’t force him to be in her life.
Dont force it because then it will hurt her even more. And dont talk to him either…if he cant do it on his own then she ll see in the long run that he was no good…
All you know be truthful with her that you don’t understand it yourself, but that you love her and understand her feelings are valid.
I’ve learned that you can’t make someone do something they don’t want to do.
Document document document just in case he tries to come back and get you for parental alienation!! My ex husband tried to do that and I documented it allllllll!!! Document you calling when he calls how long her behaviors everything you can think of and then move on if their dad doesn’t call me for my youngest and he doesn’t ask to call I leave it alone my older 2 have phones and they can call/text him when they want and he can do the same with them!! He’s the adult!!
Im dealing with the same situation. My son is 7. His dad and i separated almost 3 yrs. My son hasnt seen his dad in almost 2 yrs. Hasnt talked to his dad since Halloween. He dont call or text. My son doesnt even ask or hardly talk bout his dad. Idk if he understands it cuz my boyfriend steps up and takes on that male role in his life since his dad isnt around. My son dont cry or anything for his dad.
This is common. In my experience its because the man is so devastated and the woman won’t see matters in any way but her own selfish perspective. He’s probably traumatised
You can’t make that man do anything. My ex calls my son maybe once a month and says it’s my son’s fault because he never wants to go with him so he just doesn’t call. My son just had to adjust to not having a father and your daughter will too even though it’s painful for them to feel rejected. There’s really not much we can do but be mom and dad for them.
Stop making her call. Leave the ball in his hands. If she asks about it just tell her what he has told you…he is dealing with some stuff right now. Hopefully with time he will step up. If not she will see that for herself. Just don’t be toxic about how you speak about him.
My 5 year old daughter’s father lives forty minutes away and still doesn’t call or see her frequently. I tell her that daddy can call and see you when he likes so that she knows it isn’t me stopping him from doing so. Just keep it moving. Do your job as a mom and fill her life with all the meaningful activities/memories you can. Tell her she can always talk to you about her feelings and move forward. We can never make anyone do anything. If she doesn’t want to call don’t make her. Let things flow naturally and be aware of your kid’s feelings.
Just be the best mom you can be and don’t worry about him. Your daughter will always remember who was there for her.
Sadly you cannot force him to be an involved father. Maybe get someone your daughter can talk to. My ex relinquished his parental rights & visitation years ago. I never knew how much it affected my older son (he was treated as the golden child by his father) & now at 21 years old he has abandonment issues where 2 years ago he was thinking of suicide.
Sorry but you cant force anyone to do something they dont wanna…I know as much as it sucks for your child just let it go she will stop trying herself…
You can’t force it. Just always make sure she knows you love her and are there for her. No downing dad to her, she will form her own opinion in time. She will have outburst and at times may even take it out on you, but your her safe space. My sons bio dad was never consistent in his life, he had my husband since 6mths old, but he saw his bio dad some throughout until he decided to move to Maine when he was 14/15. It was a tough couple years because I dealt with the emotional toll it took on him and he felt thrown away and that he didn’t matter. Just be there, he is now almost 18 and he will tell you real quick who has and will always be his dad and he loves his momma.
You can’t make him being available and you can’t make it not hurt her.
What you need to focus on is helping your daughter thru her feelings with nothing but validation and support from you. If she doesn’t want to talk to him anymore and he doesn’t care then don’t push either of them. Just give her hugs and kisses and coco and tell her you know how much it sucks and that she’ll always have you
You can’t make him call and you can’t fix her upset feelings. She will grow up one day and realize who was there and who wasn’t. It’s a messed up scenario and as a mom I get it. But as a kid that grew up in a similar situation I know all to well you can’t fix this for her. Just be there for her and let her figure out her own feelings twords her dad.
give him some more life to deal with!! The jackass apparently does NOT wnat her in his life and hers might better if she was NOT !!!
There are things you can change, and things you cant. If he’s not gonna prioritize her, then he deserves the same kind of treatment from your daughter and you. It doesnt change that it hurts her, and its difficult seeing your child hurt. All that we CAN change is how she sees it and what she does about it. Life comes with challenges, and this is one for her. Let her see it for what it is. He will always have an excuse, today it’s “I’m too busy.” You cant force him to make her a priority, nor should you have to. Id have a discussion with her about how people worth your time will put in the effort make time for you, and how those who don’t aren’t worth you’re time. Hes showing you where his priorities are. So, react accordingly. In the long run, he will regret it. She won’t because by then, she’ll be over it and it’ll be too late. Your job as her mom is to prepare her and get her there. She needs support with her reality. Dont feed her false hope. This is who he is. Believe it.
Focus on your daughter, you can’t change people
Unfortunately, the only thing that can fix this is time. Eventually her pain will ease and you will be her main support system. He sounds like he will phase out completely. I’m sorry she is going through this mama.
It’s not her responsibility or yours it’s the other parent’s. You just reaffirm how loved your child is and don’t force contact because they will resent you for it later. Therapy is a good option and if they ask why the other parent isn’t interested in having a real relationship with them you just redirect the conversation to something that makes them feel good about themselves.
Sounds like you may really be the one that wants to talk and stay connected with this man not your child…
Out of sight and out of mind!!! Then the kids suffer
Don’t force anything. From experience you’ll get your feelings hurt because you want him to be the father he should be. In the long run she will be better off not trying. He will regret everything he’s done. My ex husband says I keep our daughter away from him but honestly he always has a different number or new Facebook. I reached out for so many years to get nothing for her. Now she doesn’t talk about him or ask about him. But if she does I’ll be as helpful as I can.
Document,get her into some counseling and leave him be. She will decide how her relationship will be with him and I would follow her lead.
You can’t force him to do anything. Stop making her call just to get let down.
Have her tell him either by a phone call or letter. If he doesn’t respond he is a douche and explain to her exactly how it is.
Let him be. You can’t force anyone to do anything if they don’t want to. Your job is your daughter. Please do not gaslight either to your daughter. Let her deal with her dad when the time is right. Focus on your daughter and keep moving.
Hes already shown her who he is. Let her believe him. Just be there as her Mom.
Never force someone to be in your child’s life even if it’s a parent. My ex husband has had NO contact in 2 yrs now. My 6 yr old doesn’t even ask about him anymore. I’ve been separated since my son was a baby and finally got divorced Oct 2020. I’ve bern dating a wonderful man for a yr now who is an amazing bonus dad to my son. My ex is missing but not my son. It’s his loss.
The only thing court told that has ever been helpful, was you cannot force someone to come around. Make sure you document it, as my ex tried to get me for violating order after he decided he wanted to be apart of her life after he disappeared for 2years. Just love your baby and don’t talk bad about the other parent.
You cannot make someone be a parent. Don’t make her call him only call him if she asks. Move on with your life and if he comes around he comes around if not that’s on him. Maybe he really is dealing with something is it fair he is checking out on his kid absolutely not but again you cannot make someone parent if they don’t want to.
you can’t just forget your kids when you’re dealing with life??
Unfortunately you can’t get him to talk to her more. Sadly, you also can’t control how upset she is about this. You just have to be there for her and be understanding of her feelings.
Trying to force the situation is just setting her up for more disappointment be honest dad is dealing with things he’ll call when he calls be supportive and move on
When my son struggled thru this same situation with his father, I would set a 5 minute timer, “suspend” all rules, and let him vent anyway he needed to. Now that he’s older, he doesn’t let the no call/no show behavior bother him, he says it’s his father’s loss, not his.
Just be her safe place & don’t take it to heart when you’re who she takes her anger out on, you’re the one who’s always there, and sometimes, that’s what we have to go thru with them to be able to help them
How old is she?? In my experience, the older they get, the more they “see” & piece things together & make the choice that works for them. In the meantime, please just support, listen & be available for your daughter. Try not to push, makes excuses, etc.
Would she benefit from counseling? Possibly.
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I went through this as a child. Just love your daughter through it. Don’t speak unkindly about her father. She will grown up to form her own opinion of him. You can’t force him to be a decent dad. Just be the best mom you know how to be.
Just stop trying to reach out to him then if he’s not gonna make any effort to talk to his daughter. She doesn’t deserve that.
Help her. He’s a lost cause. Can’t make a parent, parent. Therapy is wonderful. She will likely have resentment, anger, and hurt from this. Having an outlet to discuss is great. I’m sorry he’s doing this to you all.
Why force him to be a father when clearly he doesn’t care to be? If she understands and doesn’t wanna call him anymore then don’t make her call him or him call her. Just leave it be what it is.
When she wants to call him just let her. She will learn on her own that way.
Be honest with her. And stop chasing him. It’s easier for her to accept his shortcomings than to keep getting hurt.
He’s not going to change there is nothing you can do except be there for your daughter she’s going to be upset and hurt, and angry for awhile
You can’t make him step up.
So, have her write to him instead. Have her get it all out in her letters. Even if he doesn’t read it, she got it out.
Let her call and leave voicemails.
Keep in mind, talking to her may hurt him and he may not be able to deal with that. Some people can’t handle that emotional roller coaster.
Look into therapy for her bc she’s having to learn to love from a distance and she has to understand that his behavior isn’t on her.
I went through this with my daughter’s father.
I tried to leave opinion out of it but let facts remain. It’s still her father and she loves him.
I tried to focus on who we DO have around us. Not who we don’t. Those who are there want to be there. And family doesn’t have to be blood.
Perphaps a group of people are interfering with his calls and thoughts of being with you.
Unfortunately al lyou can do is be there for her. You can’t force someone to be a good person or parent my kids dad does the same thing he won’t pay child support even though he and his wife works and refuses to call or answer when the kids call hes also in another state.
If she’s old enough have her tell her father how she feels. He should realize that him being a father is part of his life and if he doesn’t want to be a father then maybe his rights should be taken away.
You cant force it. Get the child some therapy
Get her to a good theripst
Guys a loser. Tell him that while he’s dealing w life, so is she. Shes learning to live without him. And when he does decide to be there, it’ll be too late. Karma is a great thing. If I were you, my next conversation w him would involve termination of his rights. Just me
Why not text? And explain just that, texts can go days unanswered. That way she just sends him a text and forgets about it. And no questions. Just a ‘was thinking about you text’ so you don’t squash her love for he father, but knows he might not answer.
I would try n get her into counseling plus urself also don’t push it with her dad n just tell ur daughter he is dealing with stuff just don’t go into to much detail idk how old she is that’s y I say that n show her who do have around for her like grandparents,aunts,uncles,cousin or even friends who all lover her
You can’t force someone to be a parent. It hurts yes but some people don’t deserve to have their kids simply because they leave them on the back burner & make excuses. Your child is old enough to tell you how she feels maybe just tell her not to worry about it because moms got her back anyways. Show her that regardless of the relationship with her father that you always got her back.
This is your daughter’s choice either way you gotta respect that if he’s not making effort why should she
What you should do is stop worrying about it.
I have an 8 year old daughter. Her biological father and I divorced when she was 3. He went 6 months with no contact. She cried for him almost daily. He pops back up with an excuse that he had to get his life together but he wanted to be involved. I said okay. That lasted a week. He dipped out again. She cried for him. I never bad mouthed him to her or in front of her. I even made excuses - dads busy… dads at work… dad is sick… everything eventually calmed down. He popped back up, but this time bailed even before his first scheduled visit.
He hasn’t seen or talked to her in 5 years. I finally met up with him in February and he signed his rights away. A judge granted my husbands petition to adopt her as of March 4th 2022.
So, stop worrying about it. Don’t bad mouth him to her, but don’t force her to call or take his calls. She will come to her own conclusion of who and how he is as she gets older and with you staying out of it, so to speak, she won’t ever blame you for keeping her from him or for keeping him from her. She will understand what kind of person he is, all on her own.
In the mean time, you get twice the work, but you also get twice the love and twice the reward, which I promise you is worth it! Hug her extra tight and remind her often how much you love her and how you will always be there for her.
Your can’t make someone call, regardless if its her own father. I would stop contacting. He is a grown man and if he wants to see/talk to her, he will find a way. I would get her to counseling. She may need help processing her feelings about feeling unwanted/loved by him.
I’m 45 and still upset that my father was this way and still has no part of my life. It’s incredibly frustrating difficult and hard to deal with but unfortunately this is something she will deal with on her own. No one can make her feel better about it.
This Dad is the who has the issue. I’d definitely suggest counseling and offer lots of hugs and listening when she needs you. Feeling abandoned is by far the worst thing ever!
Sending lots of hugs and hope she’s a strong young lady as this will make her even stronger!!
Ps:stop calling him. It’s just repeating the cycle. No time for healing.
You cant make him be a good dad. Get her into therapy and keep being a good mama.
There’s literally nothing you can do , let it go and give your baby the extra love
Keep out of it. He is a dead beat. But let him know ahead of time you will not encourage her to keep in touch.
Let her know that it is a “him” problem. That she is NOT the reason for this disconnect. It is something lacking in him, never in her <3
Have her send a note therefore he can see it in writing and he will know exactly how she feels. If he does not address it or react then I’d stop trying because he seems very inconsistent, which is more harmful than good for her. Just be there for her as you are, I know this is tough. Hugs
l get paid over $120 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $17185 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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She just needs to know it has nothing to do with her and it’s sadly his choice.
Coping skills are going to help her a lot.
You can’t make someone call he’s the one that’s missing out
Same thing happened to me with my forst kids. He eventually went about a year and a half no contact with them. It was very very difficult on my kids. They would ask why their Dad didn’t want them. You can’t force it. As much as you are trying to do whats in your power to do he has to want it. I’m sorry you and your Baby are dealing with this.
I wouldn’t force it sounds like someone doesn’t want to be the dad he needs to be he either needs to man up or get out
I have been there in your shoes. He’s moved on with his life, so should you and your daughter. Get her involved in sports etc. at school and live your best happy lives. It’s a blink of an eye and then she is 20 and you will have did your best to give her a happy childhood<3 WE are responsible for our children’s childhood memories in the most part, make them happy ones with or without him <3
l get paid over $120 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $11481 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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If not already said,…
Tell your daughter her father is working out some problems & it’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to her, just right now he is having a difficult time with a lot of things. So it’s not her fault.
Make her aware that its not her fault then get her into therapy and just be there for her give her hugs and lots of love
l get paid over $120 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $17813 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
Details HERE… https://homejobinfo132.neocities.org/
Unfortunately you cant. I would just document everything in case you need it in court and counseling for your daughter. People do what they want to do. He doesn’t want to be a parent so nothing will make him.
You can’t control his actions, so stop trying. It will only make you crazy. Get your daughter into therapy and learn to deal with his cutting y’all off.
Maybe it’s his way of dealing with the grief of the divorce and it’s too painful for him to call his daughter without crying. Suggest he get therapy and write letters to her instead, but ultimately it’s his choice how he lives his life. Have no expectations and you’ll save yourself disappointment.
I’m so sorry. See if there are other men you know who could be a reliable, steady presence in her life.
Your not in control of either. Get her a therapist
Poor child is all I have to say. let her stop calling and just keep telling her it’s not her fault he’s doing this and remind her just how loved she is.
l get paid over $120 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $20820 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
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Let her know it’s not her fault. And believe me it is hard—as a kid we never got consistent phone calls and to this day don’t either. It’s always a internal battle if I did something etc. Always supporting her and her feelings is key.
l get paid over $120 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $21270 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
Details HERE… https://homeonlinegoldenvilla140.neocities.org/
Everyone is responsible for their actions. Be honest.
Therapy. You also need to get a detailed answer from him about what “dealing with life” means. His daughter should come second only to his health. It sounds like something is up.
You can’t force it so drop it.
She needs to be seeing a counselor- he needs to be paying for one