Ok! So regarding foster children. Several children removed from a friends brother. All children with family except one! As much as we want him to be with family). We want to fight it) Anyhow, without knowing the foster family has got him to call them dad an dad. When older sibling told him they aren’t ur dad. (Obviously hurt the older sibling hearing it for the first time, especially being unaware that they had got him to call them dad in such a short time. An I’m sure over time the older sibling may get used to it. Especially knowing he knew who his dad was, asks about him a lot. - But anyhow apparently after just 3 visits (when visits are supposed to be more regular (foster family always says they are busy) they are saying because he is becoming emotional after seeing family(obviously misses his family an his siblings). But feels the older sibling saying his not ur dad seems to come up to blame also (but again I think it was because the first time hearing obviously hurt). -but really now feel like they are punishing the older sibling also. But now they have stopped him seeing family until they work out away to deal with emotions after seeing his family. It’s obvious he is missing everyone, now they are saying not seeing us at all) - does this seem fair. What would u do? Just feel so sad that everyone he knows seems to be getting ripped away from them but not by choice.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What should we do?
I would get social services advice as they are trained! They WILL enforce the regular visits and they will advice and adopt strategies to help you all
I would get a lawyer, I would remind foster care they are just temporary. I hope the children can be with their family of origin soon.
You need to contact the supervisor of that worker asap and talk to her about what is being said and done.
Talk to the case worker. Not the foster parents.
I agree get a family attorney who has dealt with this before. Prayers for your family
Don’t assume that the foster family is making him call them dad. My youngest daughter called me mom from day one of her placement before she was adopted. We are taught not to correct them, to let them go with whatever they are comfortable with. I’m not saying this is the case for your friend’s brother, but they might not be making him. Sibling visits are usually handled by the agency and the foster family has no say on if the child can go or not. If there aren’t set sibling visits in place, then I would request that from the child’s worker.
I would call social services bc they going to do what’s best for the child. Are they at all in concealing? Get an attorney if need be to do what’s best
As much as it may hurt the family Unfortunately there’s not too much you can do but try to work with DCF. If the kids are going to be permanently placed and possibly adopted then the foster parents do not have to continue visits. The children should be talking to their social worker who may have more answers as to what can/should be done. I was in foster care and adopted and I can say it is super emotional (from the child’s perspective) and sometimes it can bring out behaviors and emotions and be extremely confusing and difficult.
I am a foster mom, it is very traumatic to go through this for any child. The visitations should be handled with the case worker and if they are not following what was set by the court they could get in trouble. This really should be reported and that child needs therapy to help process this.
If it is a court order they cannot stop the children from seeing siblings or bio parents going to the judge orders. I’ve been a foster parent for seven years I understand the system. Doesn’t matter how awful things of been in the past I still have a right to see family and siblings I’ve had children with separate homes and if it’s court ordered you had to take this children to see their other siblings and family mother or father at least. It’s up to there Social Worker to see these children see family
Child care services are the biggest corrupt system along with office of aging. Look for attorneys out of their circuit. They prey on low income families. No child should call another mother or father in that short of time… The foster parents many of them become addicted to the money that they make off of the system and believe me they’re making a ton of money don’t ever let anyone tell you that anything different. This is why the corrupt child services system keeps children instead of worrying about reuniting them with the parents because they keep their pockets lined with money up until the children are 21 years old or even longer in some cases. Do a lot of research because I tell you this you will find an attorney that will help you and go after the system
This sounds like something the parents should bring up with the social worker. The foster parents only responsibility is to the child in their care. Dad may be the name other kids in the home call them and the little one is just following suit.
Also the kid needs therapy if they are struggling. They obviously gone through trauma and kids can have a very hard time processing it. If they are upset after visits it may be that visits are bringing up the unresolved trauma. If they are not enforcing the legal visits then that should be addressed with the worker as well. It’s hard to really know what’s happening bc this isn’t first hand knowledge and there’s a lot of different perspectives happening in the same situation. Hopefully whatever happened the parents get their crap together and the family can be reunited.
What ages are kids? This is too general of ??? Ages may affect differently
as a foster parent dealing with the system sucks. first off the caseworker should be on the foster parents about sibling visits. I’m in a similar situation as my foster baby is my half sister and she has another half sister we have to make time not excuses. after the adoption process however we were told all communications can be stopped. so if they are adopting the one child there’s honestly nothing that can be done after they adopt but prior visits must remain. our system is f*cked sadly
They don’t try to put the kids back
They rip them out of their hands
The parents that shouldn’t have kids . Well they give back
I seen this
Makes me sick
Anyone not living directly with the children has no say and should keep every single opinion to themselves. It takes a lot for children to removed from a house. Visitation should be worked out with the social worker for set times. Those are not to change due to either party being “busy”. Discuss the proper way to address each persons name with the social worker. Fostering isn’t easy. Especially when family “has a lot to say” but doesn’t help. The parents that lost the children will ALWAYS play the victim. Keep in mind ONLY the best interest of the CHILDREN are taken into consideration. Just cuz your feelings are hurt doesn’t matter. Thank the family members that took the children in and offered to care for them. They had to do classes and give up much of their time and money to do so. (The state doesn’t fully cover the cost of the kids) If you are so concerned, talk with the social worker, spend time with the kids, or even address the situation with the foster parents. Keep in mind, we don’t truly know what people do in their own homes. The children matter the most.
Fight this because if court ordered they can’t just stop all visits
I think we are missing some of the story here. Because if the kids are in foster care the foster family can not stop the kids from seeing the parents and siblings. They should have supervised visitation with cps or an approved person to supervise visits.
If the parents rights have been permanently revoked. And they have been adopted out then that’s a different story. If this is the case then it’s no longer up to cps.
Yall need to stop dealing with the foster family when you have issues. Anything you say, can and will be used against the parents if they ever want to get them back. Call the kids’ advocate or social services.
Buy the Best attorney you can find and take the kids back
Never give up
They need to have the xhild moved to another foster home before things get worse for the child
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I don’t know much about foster care or anything - but truthfully, I would stay out of it if I were you. It isn’t your case - if your friends brother is having these things - he should address them with the case worker.
Honestly I know it may hurt feelings but if the child feels comfortable calling their foster parent “dad”, then they should be able to call them what they are comfortable with - even if that makes his siblings or his biological father upset
If u have solid grounds and proof why that kid shouldn’t go with family than FIGHT and fight as hard as you can. Be the voice that baby needs… but also be prepared to be disappointed, they will only put a child with family members if they have nothing against them
Family needs to get an attorney and fight this
Its NOT up to the foster family whether he gets visits or not! They can’t just cancel them because they are busy either! If there are visits scheduled per a parenting plan or family plan or court order they must follow it! IMMEDIATELY contact the social worker!
We aren’t getting the full story! If there is nothing in writing stating when family or siblings can see each other, the foster family doesn’t have to let anyone see or speak to that child. Obviously the brother lost custody of the children for a reason… safety! These children clearly have case workers, why are you coming here posting and not bringing this to the attention of the case workers…this whole thing sounds suspect!
Issues are only to be brought up and through the social worker handling the case. Visitation can not be dismissed without a court order, unless there and threats of physical harm toward the child. Parents may miss visits but it is the foster parent’s obligation to arrive to each visit on time without fail. Asking a newly arrived child to call them out of name should be brought to the attention of the social worker. Foster care’s main goal is for reunification. If the family is found to be grossly negligent and does not adhere to court order than adoption is out on the table.
The details of this story doesn’t make full sense. Yes there is a large wind down time after family visitations that is stressful for everyone involved but that is the nature of these situations.
Everything is through the court and social worker working the case, not at your own discretion. The foster family does not make up the rules, their job is to follow the guidelines set forth.
If the child is in foster care there is supposed to be a reunification plan for the parents and child. Visits are supposed to be a few hours a couple times a week. If the foster parents aren’t doing the visits like they are supposed to then the parent of the child needs to speak with the case worker. My child was taken and I was lucky my cousin and his wife took him in for a while and I had my visits and the father had his visits. I got more visits then over nights then my son was back home case closed
Bio family needs to let there attorney know asap about the visitation so that the judge can say hey the visitation is to be on this day at this time or they will tell the caseworker that a new foster home is needed
I’m concerned a great deal by this. Something doesn’t sit right. We have to be very careful with Foster Care. Some kids are abused worse in Foster Care. Some kids are Trafficked. If this child goes to school there needs to be a way to contact him outside of those peoples presence.
Foster parents are temporary and shouldn’t be encouraging a child to call them dad. What happens when that child is moved on , returned to their parents or adopted ? How confusing for him
I’m pretty sure they have no right to stop court ordered visitation but wouldnt be dealing with them directly but contacting social services or the court to get this sorted out.
They absolutely should not call him dad. Foster parents aren’t their legal adoptive parents. That’s going to mess the child up worse. Also, them isolating those children from their family is is a big mistake. Visitation can. It legally be denied without a court order. They are supposed to help rebuild the relationship not break it further. I would report them honestly. My grandmother in law fostered over 50 kids and my mother is adopted herself. I also have relatives who currently foster and This is a big no no. Again, I’d absolutely report them.
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Umm the foster family isn’t allowed to not have court ordered visitation.
Let me give you some insight my daughter was in foster care for a year when my other daughter passed away speaking from experience with the foster system in california by law the foster family has to make up those visits that they missed and they have to have a valid reason for canceling If I were in the shoes of the family I would contact the case worker and if they don’t care to do anything about the visits or the well being of the child I would then call the supervisor and ask for them to intervene and ask for a new worker. My daughters foster dad had her call him “dad” as well they said the same thing it was confusing for her because we saw her every week but on the same token you have no valid point of moving the children into a different home because they are not being neglected or abused in any way, trust me I tried. To this day she still asks " am I going home with daddy" they will not remove the child because they are callng someone else dad or mom. If the case worker and supervisor don’t do anything call the court appointed lawyer or get your own lawyer keep calling and express your concerns stay on them, they are very busy and will eventually do something if you keep calling and bugging them. Also if none of this advice works out in say 2 two 3 weeks from now you can file paperwork to take the county back to court for violating a court order once you file it seems like that want to start obeying the court order. Best of luck during this very stressful time I hope my input was somewhat helpful if need be you can also dm me with any questions.
Case worker !!! A foster parents can do dictate visitations
If there are concerns, they should be addressed wth the foster care review board. I am a foster to adoption mom and this story has a ton of holes in it. First of all, the foster family has to stick with the reunification process if the plan is to reunite. So the foster family does not set visits other than days they are available. So if the foster org says three days a week, it’s three days a week, even if they have to send a worker to fetch them. Secondly, foster kids generally see therapist is they are having emotional issues, so the sadness would be addressed there. The bio parents can’t be completely guiltless in this situation, the kids were placed for a reason. As far as the calling someone dad thing. Being a dad is about more than the title. Kids figure that out. I have a dog named bear and my kids never mistake it for a grizzly.
None of that makes any sense. I adopted 2 children from foster care. I had custody of them for well over 2 years before the adoption went through. I had already started the process of adopting them before I even had custody (they were in foster homes already before coming to me). Even though it was established that they were not going back to their biological mother, I was not able to stop visits. That is all ultimately up to child and family services. My daughter was actually supposed to have 1 supervised visit per year with her biological mother even after the adoption was finalized. I would have no control over that either, as it was determined by the judge. The only way for those visits to stop, was if the biological mother failed to schedule or show up to those visits. Thankfully she never bothered to schedule any visits, so they never occurred. Foster parents have zero control over any visits with biological family members. It’s also common for young children to start calling their care givers mom and dad. Especially if there are other children calling them that. It’s not that the child is trying to replace, or forgot about his parents, he just doesn’t know any better. In all honesty, if the children were taken into care, they should be worrying more about doing what ever is necessary to get them back.
Talk to the caseworker. Siblings are not optional but if the visits are making the child mad and always messing with his emotions caseworker may ask for a week or two to regulate the child. You also might want them supervised to make sure they are meaningful visits. Why is he the only child in a foster home? That can be hard on a child and may resent family that he is the only one in care. I wouldn’t blame foster family for him calling them mom and dad. Sounds like he is young and trying to fit in his new home. As a social worker myself I advocate for siblings visits but if it is emotionally hard in the kid I do recommend maybe every other week.
Visits are not set by foster family if caseworker needs to pick up the kids and supervised the visits that has to be done.
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None of this makes any sense
My main question is WHY no family members took this particular child?
I went thru this for years with my niece my brothers daughter finally I was able to bring her home where she belongs away from my brother who abused her my advice never give up never quit call every single day leave messages go above to the top of the chain don’t let him slip into the system and never come home with his family I have now had my niece for 9 years and she’s my world and she calls me mom I got her when she just turned 7 and she just turned 16 my children are her brothers and sister and that’s what she is to us our daughter and their sister