What to do about a father who stepped up but has stopped?

He has been extremely distant lately and I feel like he is doing it because I'm in a new relationship. He hasn't talked to my son in almost 2 months. And to be honest, he isn't his biological dad. He stepped up when I was pregnant and helped me and stood in the place of his father bcuz his bio dad is not around. I never asked him to be his dad. It truly breaks my heart because my son asks about him and talks about him and I just don't know what to say or how to say it. Advice please!
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Let him know that your son feels this way and that he’s very important to your son. Also that just because you’re in a new relationship, doesn’t mean he can’t continue to have a relationship with your son.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What to do about a father who stepped up but has stopped?

It is not his son… and he has been replaced. What did you expect? Depending on the age of the child…try being honest.

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Maybe reach out and tell him your son still needs him

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You can try reaching out to him & hope that he will come around. If he doesn’t just be honest with your kid. Sometimes people step up for a role as long as is conditional.

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Let him go :100: Explain to your baby :two_hearts: Concentrate on him :heartpulse: #Prayers

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U cnt have ya cake and eat it too…hes not the dad he ain’t gnna b in that child’s life forever is he… And now your on to another man in front of ya kid…why do mothers involve their kids in their relationships if they not long long term

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Maybe u need to talk to this man and ask him how his feeling cos way I read this is his been a good man been there for u and ur son and didn’t work out and he was still there for ur son xxxx maybe his back off cos he feels his been pushed away or being replaced maybe his hurting feeling like his going to lose his son xxxx just pick up the phone and meet up and have a chat xxxxxx

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Oh momma, I feel you. Remind your son he is so loved. And it hurts but it really will get easier, he may just need time.

Contact him. Let him know no matter what your relationship status is, you will always consider him the father of the child.
He may be feeling confused and pushed aside and need his parental position made known again

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If he cares about the child he still wants a relationship. I don’t know how things ended but if it’s possible to reach out to him and ask that he make a clean break or make conscious effort to maintain the relationship then that’s what I would do. His relationship with you is over but that doesn’t mean he can’t still be a meaningful person in your kid’s life if that’s what everyone wants.

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He is not going to be in child life forever remember he isnt ur son Bio dad an u are now in a New relationship with another guy so maybe he figures this New guy will step up an be a father figure role model to ur son…
But what u can do is chat with ur New guy & ask him how does he feel towards ur son an u need to stay in a more stable relationship for ur son sake or stay single , Everytime u step in a new relationship u allow ur son to bond with these guys an the child then looks at them as father figures an when they walk out on u it’s ripping ur son feeling’s apart because the child is now asking questions about ur Ex guy whom he looks up to an that guy is nowhere around …
Dont do that to ur son cause he feels as every guy u date he seeks for that father figure an then they ends up leaving that is going to destroy ur son emotionally…As a mother ee need to protect our children feeling’s from being hurt over an over …
So u need to talk seriously to ur Bew guy let him know u are looking for a Long Term Relationship an a good role model as a fatger figure for ur son so ask how does he feel towards u an ur son…
Questions need to be ask
Communication is the Key…

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That’s literally it. He stepped up when no one else did. You replaced him with another man. Whether it’s because he’s jealous or because he respects his place is irrelevant. You made a choice, you have to deal with the outcome. Your kid is not that man’s kid. You should be careful about who you introduce to your kids if you don’t want them to be their daddy, unless you’re trying to find a daddy before a partner…

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Sounds like he wanted the relationship

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I would ask your ex if he wants to be in your sons life or not so that you can explain to your son what’s going on

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It’s not his son, you’re not his anything anymore. What did you expect? :woman_facepalming:t3: I hope you haven’t made the poor kid think that was his bio dad because that can go south very quickly.

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Maybe he also has a new relationship!

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What to do about a father who stepped up but has stopped?

Talk to him. Communicate. Tell him, that you want him in your son’s life, regardless of the relationship you guys have, or don’t have. That your son, isn’t involved in your problems. My husband is my kids step dad, we had split for a little bit long ago, he’s been in my kids lives for 7 years, raising them. And through my oldest son’s cancer, and chemotherapy. When we split, at first he didn’t think I would let him be around for them and in their lives. And we had a conversation. That no matter what happened between us, I wanted him in their lives. And would never keep him from them. He was their father figure. And would always be. No matter what. So talk to him. If he chooses to just walk away… There’s nothing you can do. But, at least you tried. For your child.

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Let him stay gone this time. This up and down ain’t good for your son…

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That’s a hard one went threw that 2 summers ago with my ex my son was 13 and he had been the only dad he’d known since he was 18 months old and then one day he was like he’s not my kid, my kids are grown yea well those girls will always be my girls regardless but my boys not yours …try and talk to your ex and then your son.

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This happened to my son also, first with his biological father (luckily was still a baby so wasn’t old enough to understand) and then with the man he called dad, once we were both in New relationships he slowly stopped having my son and spending time with him til eventually he stopped all together and its been about 2 and a half years now. Honestly you can’t force someone to be there, they should just WANT to be there. My son is now 6 and has an amazing father figure in his life, someone I know 100% would never push our kids away no matter what happens with us.

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Sorry to say but he’s not your child’s father. He has no obligation to be around him. If he’s moved on and chosen to no longer be apart of you and your child’s life you need to except that and explain it to your child.

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It will hurt your son more if you let him walk in and out of his life.

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Speak up. Be straight forward and ask what his issue is. Tell him that just because you’re in a new relationship that doesn’t mean he has to distance himself and stop being his dad. That he loves him, he’s his dad and he misses him.

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Cut all ties with the man right now. You are only hurting your son. You are allowing your son to hang onto false hope in a man who doesn’t want to be there. It’s best now for your son, you are going to make him have abandonment issues if you hang on

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How old is the child? Kids are resilient. They will slowly but surly understand who is there and who is not. You cannot force a man be in a child’s life, especially not a non biological one. Just be honest and direct with your child. It may hurt for a while but just be there. And be understanding of their feelings.

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Best thing that ever happened to me was my ex isn’t in my daughters life anymore who he helped raise from the age of 2. Evil bastard

Did you say he isnt the biological dad and your with someone else and you want to know how to get him to keep standing up as the dad eventhough he isnt. Wow your busy had having 3 guys in your kid life. Isnt the child confused? Seems ya need to spend less time focusing on your needs and put it all into your kids for a while.
You kid is your responsibility. I wish some mothers just understood the short amount of time they have with their kids and focus on them more durning that short time.

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You can’t expect a person to alwaya stay in the life of a child that’s not theirs, especially when you’re not together. There are good men that would do that, but it doesn’t make them a bad person if they don’t. You can reach out and let him know your son misses him, see what he says. You never know, maybe he just didn’t want to feel like he was butt in your new lives and interfere in your relationship. If he doesn’t come around just be honest with your son.

He reserves the right to step away from you and a child who is NOT his!!! You sound entitled… You moved on and so can he.

You and the bd are the parents of your child, so you two are the ones responsible for his needs. Anything above that is a bonus. Appreciate the time he was there for you when your baby’s daddy was not. It’s just that simple.

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If you feel that it’s because you’re in a new relationship, then leave that new relationship. Who’s more important? Your son or your new relationship? He has the right to step away if he’s not the real dad. How could you get rid of someone who went through your pregnancy with you? Someone that you didn’t even ask to do so. You should tell your son his mom’s a hoe:O Sorry. Shit just gets me mad.

Sorry but this is your doing… leave the man alone

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Quit man jumping around and you won’t have to explain…

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Tell your son the truth about your ex not being his dad because later down the road when he finds out by himself he’s going to resent you. You cannot force someone to be someone’s father when they’re not even the biological parent now if adoption papers were drawn and granted by a judge that’s a whole other thing but you never said he did that so I’m sorry but you cannot force this man to be your sons father.

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I mean he’s not really obligated to take care of your son if he’s not the bio dad

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Tell your son the truth! You shouldn’t expect and can’t force a man who is not your child’s father to step up and play the father role, especially if you and the man aren’t together. This man has absolutely no obligation to your son.

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I’ve been saying this on here about step parents who claim their step kids are their kids. When the relationship be with the bio parent ends the relationship with the child usually does to. Sometimes they don’t want to see the bio parent since they don’t have to. Sometimes life just goes on & other demands in life take over. It’s sad your child has to suffer. You can try talking to him & explain that you want him in your son’s life. But there really isn’t anything else you can do. Bottom line is step kids are not your kids whether you want to pretend they are or not.

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he just maybe he feels since he step up to be your son’s dad, back then & now that you have a new guy, you just might want this new guy to fill those shoes & he will be left out, just like the bio dad was !!! You never said how old you son is. The rest I can’t even post !!!

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Don’t let these people get you down. Im in the same boat. My son is 8 and my ex stepped in and has been his “dad” since he was like 6 months. And he still considers him his son. Blood doesn’t matter, once you sign up to be a parent that’s for life regardless of relationship status.

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How old is your child? But regardless of the child’s age, honestly you can’t make your ex continue being part of his life. You can talk to your ex and see if he wants to continue being in his life or if he’s done.

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I mean you can’t force him to be there, even if he was his bio dad. Have you just maybe communicated with him that you aren’t trying to replace him as your sons “dad”?
I would also, no offense, but until your sure a relationship will work out for quite some time, don’t bring your son around them. I went months with my now fiance before he met my son because after my divorce, I wasn’t bringing guy after guy around my kid.

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This why children grow up confused and it does affect them in life. Your choices. Pick your child over flavor of the week.

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He isn’t obligated to go and take your son anymore, let alone do anything for him. You sound like your entitled, and your not. Let that man live his life and leave him the fuck alone. If he wanted to stick around I’m sure he would have but he doesn’t soooo… Move on and tell your child the truth he isn’t coming back because use are no longer together. Might be a shitty conversation to have but it has to be done.

I think all that time your trying to play house with this person and that person put all that attention to your kid and if there dad want to be apart of there life ok but if not get your baby threw life first then when it’s time for you you will have less stress on how another man is going to react to them.your wasting a lot of time to fine that right person to fill the shoes give that time to your kid as when they get older they will under stand your needs to

He’s sadly not obligated to be there, and doesn’t owe you anything. This is a definite part of making decisions to leave partners when we have children involved.

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I feel sorry for your son…he must be so confused. Like others said above, though he stepped up while y’all were together he doesn’t have to remain as you decided to move on. He is moving on too.

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Have u asked him why? Maybe since he’s not his dad that he feels misplaced, ask him why, and tell him he will always b, maybe he doesn’t know what to do, he could b suffering alone, doesn’t hurt to ask and then u will know

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It happens weather he’s the biological father or not. My children’s father (yes they all 3 have the same father). Up and left in 2012. He has 2 other children from before me. That are both 18. And he hasn’t seen since they were little. And he now has 3 children with his girlfriend. And my 3. He hasn’t seen our children in year’s. No calls, letters, visits, nothing! It broke my heart at first for my children. But now they are, 16, 12, 11. They know who their father is. And I would never deny him contact or visits. But my children now understand that it’s his girlfriend. She is so jealous of my kid’s and I! And won’t let him have contact without a fight. He is a good father. He does pay child support. So it doesn’t matter either way. It usually always happens. I have not had my kid’s around any other men. But I like being single. I don’t ever want them to go through heartache over a father again! But my daughter is 16. And she tries to contact him. Which goes through the girlfriend. So never any response back. Just take care of your child. Show them love.

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Just have a conversation with him. Maybe he feels with you in a new relationship he has to step back. Just communicate with him that he doesn’t have to do that. You still want him in his life if he wants to be. See where his head is and if he still wants to be in his life then great if he doesn’t just comfort your son and reassure him and love him.

Not a situation to be proud of… 3 men later and now you worried about your son??? Maybe while you were feeling sorry for yourself in this yolo type world moving on for what I bet was “to be happy “, now you have a mess to clean up. Be sure you learn that you are much to blame and that a little tough love will go further than happiness…

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This group is so disgusting I swear!:face_vomiting: the people on here commenting and bashing a mom! You have no idea what happen as to why the bio dad didn’t work out or the previous one. You don’t know how old the child is to judge how long it’s been. You guys are so disgusting and I pray you get off your stupid high horses because I’m sure there’s shit to judge in your life too! Makes me sick of this group I swear!:face_vomiting:

Being a bit judgemental here, I know. But bio father isn’t in the picture, then stand in father is distant… Maybe you need to work on your relationships in order to build good relationships for your own children

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It’s pretty sad that people laugh at something like this.

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Just let him go no relationship at all

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Sorry your child has to pay for it

He’s not dad, leave him alone

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Wait he’s not the dad and your sleeping with someone else but you are wanting him to take care of your child :no_mouth::woman_facepalming:t3::woman_shrugging:t3: please seek mental health …… seriously

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Hes not the dad love. This is why you don’t let men play daddy

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My husband has been raising my daughter since she was 1.5 and although he would never leave her I would never expect him to stick around and keep that relationship and not move on with his life if that’s what made him happy because in the end he’s not her dad has no rights and is only an outside looking in that’s a lot of pain to endure :persevere: we have two other children and never plan on going separate ways but things happen and i know this but this is how I feel on the subject especially if he doesn’t have other children with you

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Some people are just built differently. Be honest with your son so that he knows the truth. You can’t be angry at someone for something that is not their responsibility. It hurts, I can only imagine how much it hurts but if you aren’t going to marry that person, they should not take on a fatherly role. It’s not their responsibility. My only advice is to love your son and be 100% honest with him.

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My bf has raised his non-biological son since he was a baby. She uses him as a pawn every chance she can. She has never told him that he is not his dad, but threatens to every time she’s mad. She is now engaged & no longer lets him come over except on his birthday & Christmas. She doesn’t include him in any of his sports either. This man that stepped up did not have to, but your son deserves the truth. This can create such a complicated relationship between them, but I honestly hope that in the end, the decision is right… I see my bf hurt & we all miss his son.

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Just talk to him and tell him your sin Stull needs him and u would like him to continue to be part of his life. It’s up to him to decide because he doesn’t have to. You also need to explain it to the child. Good luck.

Talk to the Man and let him know that he is still “dad” to your son. He may be pulling away because he knows he doesn’t have a leg to stand on in the court system. I would offer to put something in writing with an attorney that gives him parental rights. Please try to build this relationship between the two. He sounds like a good man who loves your son.

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Find a way to cope and accept the new normal abs distract your son with something else whenever he brings it up , and eventually he will drop it

Idk why this is funny to some ppl or why ppl are being harsh, maybe cuz their own daddy issues?? But I have a bio father & step father who’s been in my life since I was very young. He was married to my mom for 17 yrs before she passed. I can’t imagine my life without him. I think even if it didn’t work out w my mom, he would’ve still been that figure in my life regardless. It must be a frustrating situation bcuz at one point he made the choice to be there for your son and now not so much. If he doesn’t want to be a part of his life because you’re dating, that’s his character, take it for face value. Best thing you can do for your son is to be honest w him. Good luck.

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Talk to the man before the child find out what’s going on

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That’s always a risk you should maybe just let it go. It is possible he was keeping up his relationship with your child in hopes of getting back with you. Now that you’re in another relationship he figures that’s not going to happen perhaps.

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An ex of mine did the same thing. My son was just shy of 3 when we separated. It broke my son. It broke me the pain it caused my son. It was hard. The last thing he texted me I’ll never forget. “I can’t see (my child) anymore because it will effect his ability to have children in the future”.
My father took the role of the male figure in my sons life and it was a blessing. Forever thankful. My son now 8 and he has long forgotten that other guy as have I.
It better to cut him early on so the child can just forget about him.

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Thats sad to do to your kid. And not fare to him.
It may feel odd to your ex now that your w some1 … but still it’s mean. Just be there for your son and use positive distractions with him.

Tell the child the truth, some times people come into our lives and leave, so we always remember the good things about that time, knowing the best gift is love, and thats what they gave to you while they were there.

Some of these comments are pretty harsh, half of you saying “this is why we dont let men play daddy” yet how many of the women on this page have bonus children? Like seriously step parents are a thing and we all advocate for healthy co parenting with step parents and then your gonna bash her because her ex stepped up to be dad? There is literally no time frame in this post so lets say ex stepped in when the child was a baby and now hes 8 or 9. That is his dad at this point! Is he obligated to take care of the child? No. But that doesnt mean he cant choose to continue that role with the child, if she feels he is a good father figure then she should reach out and see where he stands because there is nothing stopping them from co parenting, blood doesnt always make family and he may just need some validation from her that he is still welcome to that role. If it was reversed and she was refusing to let him see the child that isnt his everyone would be up in arms that she is being petty and keeping her child from love :roll_eyes:

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I would talk to him. Maybe he feels in the limbo.

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Talk to the dude ask if he will be party of your songs life or if your son can call him out text him once in a while.

WTF… He moved on in the same way you have. The hard reality is that your son is not an asset to his life. You can’t make him want what you want.

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Maybe he is also in a new relationship and doesn’t have time for someone else’s kid. Call him if you really want to know what’s up with him not calling your son.

Stop worrying about it. You can’t make a man pay attention. Either go to court and make him or stop worrying about it.

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You can’t do anything but let him do him and you do you because your the biological mom. Can’t force some one to be their if they don’t want to be. So stay strong and welcome to the single momma life.

First and foremost please learn a lesson and stop bringing men into your child’s life. Date them. Love them. Do what you may with them, but keep your son separate for a very long time. Unfortunately this is a risk of letting men who aren’t daddy to play daddy.

There’s nothing you can do. You can’t even make a biological father be present, you have no grounds to try and make that happen with this man. Unfortunately it isn’t his son and he obviously has closed that chapter is his life and your son is left paying for it. It’s hard to tell you how to approach it with your son because I don’t see his age, but all you can do is pick up the pieces of this heart and make darn sure you don’t put him in this position again.

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He maybe insecure and feel he’s been replaced, talk to him

Sorry but he isn’t the biological dad so if he wants to dip out, it’s really his decision. I hate to say it like that, but what are you gonna do? Make him? That’s not even his biological child.

Unfortunately you can’t make anyone be a parent… Especially someone that isn’t the biological parent.
Ask your ex if he plans on continuing to be distant toward your child… Or not. Bc he can’t be both and if he plans on staying distant then you need to know.
And if he does choose to do that then just tell your son that sometimes people leave and choose not to come back. Let him know that it’s a personal choice and that he absolutely did not do anything wrong. And just be there for your child. Give him a little extra attention cause he’s prob gonna need it.
I’m sorry that your kiddo is going through that.

Your first mistake was still letting him have the “dad role” when your son is not his biologically his after y’all broke up. Specifically for this current situation you have put you and your son in. It would be different if y’all were together for years and years and your son hit teenage years etc and has had that “fatherly” bond with him for so long. But it sounds like your son is still young. Don’t push any man you date to play the father role just because his real father isn’t present and you want your son to have a dad. You’ll damage your kid more than doing good. Let him decide what he’s comfortable with.

Honesty is STILL the best policy. You don’t say how old your son is, but if he’s old enough to understand the truth, it may be better to let him know. I would only do so after you’ve spoken from the heart to your ex and let him know that if he’s no longer interested in being in your son’s life, then please be honest so you can break it to the child. If he is planning on remaining, then make efforts to allow him to do so. Your new man will have to accept him a s any new woman he meets will have to do the same. The child should eventually know the truth and it won’t be like this forever. Good luck. :sparkles:

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Wow these comments make me sick blood doesnt makes a father my husband is dad and has been dad since my song was 6 months old and nothing in this world can change that everyone wants to gang up on her and say the things they are saying but he knew she had a kid in the first place and decided to step up to that role im sure she didnt plan it like this and yes he should be held accountable she shouldnt havent even step up if he was going to back out cause things didnt work out it is sad and terrible the was people look at this and i am sorry that you and your child are going through this and its not right him to decided it not his kid any more

Hard situation…this is why I think people need to be cautious doing the “parent” thing with those who are not legally or biologically the parent…idk how many times I’ve seen it go wrong more ways then right. No judgement but just my opinion. He unfortunately is probably hurting and it may be easier for him to just try and forget. Because in reality he isnt the dad and he knows if you wanted to you can pull the plug anytime. Why would he set himself up for more heart ache

It’s a hard question because the little one doesn’t understand. If he isn’t the Dad it would be hard for him to move on with his life if you’re not together!! Try to explain to your child as best you can so he understands he isn’t around because you have moved on and that’s life !! Truly breaks my heart when a child is in the middle of break ups !! Good luck :wink::disappointed:

I’d talk to him. Communication is key. Maybe he is just giving you and your new man time and doesn’t wanna be the way?

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