Call your county Office of Aging. Depending on his income and disability he may be eligible for free services. There are different programs that provide nursing home type services at home. He needs a caregiver other than you. It is not fair to you or your children. The area agency on aging will send you in the right direction.
5 Likes
I would secretly video tape the abuse and threats, after gathering proof then go to a womenās shelter.
10 Likes
Find a social worker if u belong to the low income familyā¦ Seek for their helpā¦ Once approve u will get a huge amt of subsidy for nursing home.
1 Like
Your husband also threatens to hit you and take your kids if you leave? Heās abusive too. Take those kids and get out. Document everything. Make an exit plan. And go.
16 Likes
Take the kids and run. There should be alot of resources to help you guys out especially since youāre escaping an abusive situation
2 Likes
you are not better off āgoneā you will leave your kids with both these assholes think about that would you want them raising your kids? if your husband is threatening you, leave his ass make sure to record all the abuse, secretly and to where they canāt get ahold of it, and take your kids and leave file restraining order ASAP and keep the evidence in case he does try to take the kids if you can get proof how grandpa treats the kids and how husband and him treat you, that will make it a lot easier on you I would not stay not just for you, but for your kids get them out its not a good environment for them to be in and id be worried about your kids being around either of them it will only get worse from here
1 Like
Get you and your kids out of there
5 Likes
Iād be giving the husband a ultimatum, either he finds somewhere else for his father to live like his own apartment with a pow who comes to help him out, a nursing home something! Or you pack up the kids and leave and he can live with his dad alone and come to see his kids at your own place in a worked out schedule. Toxic is toxic and no one deserves to just put up with it and your children should not be forced to exposure of it just because itās grandpa! 1) No one can threated you, or cause you harm its against the law and id make that clear!!! 2) No one and I mean no one can just take your children from you without valid proof of you being a unfit mother and it takes a lot to have that proof, and even in a case where one is deemed unfit it is still unlikely children are removed from their care permanently unless there is no way they will change to try and improve their parenting and none of that sounds like it applies to you so I would not worry about that! Put your foot down now momma and do what you know in your heart is right for your babies no one needs to live that way. Good luck.
3 Likes
Sounds like an extremely toxic living situation.
Father in law needs care via nursing home or some other place.
You canāt take care of 3 young kids, the in law, yourself and the home with that toxic man there.
Your husband is completely wrong for allowing him to treat you, or the children in such a horrible man.
As my dad used to say to my brother and myselfā¦Ship up or ship out!!
Iām sure with contacting the social worker there needs to be someplace out there for him to go.
Good luck to you.
2 Likes
Arrgh gurl, your so much more than what they are doing to you.
2 Likes
Medicaid depending on what state has a spend down eligibility for this reason. When the elderly need living assistant and donāt have the means call your local DFCS office. You also need to talk to your husband you donāt need to be depressed to the point of not wanting to live, only because you donāt want your kids to be left without a mom. Itās not fair to them and itās damn sure isnāt fair to you. I never suggest anyone leaving their husband but honey maybe itās that time. If he donāt care about your mental health being disrupted heās not going to care about the kids when your gone.
Eh I canāt believe you still staying in that house where they both threatened to hit u. Report them both and live with your kids
2 Likes
Record everything for proof, get your kids and leave.
2 Likes
Ok first of all ur child needs u do not do that!! I think u should reach out for help and go ahead and talk to social services tell them everything going on and how he threatens to take the kids. I wish I had room I would take all yāall in
1 Like
Apologies but how do u have a 4mth old and a 1yr old.
Take your kids and leave. Seems like the apple doesnāt fall far from the tree. Your husband is just as abusive as his Dad. Contact a Refuge if you can and take whatever help they can offer. Go.
3 Likes
Iām not understanding something You said your husband donāt want to put him in a nursing home due to money. Is his father contributing money to the household? If not He should be put in a assisted living home or a nursing home. His income / medicaid / Medicare depends on which. I would definitely video/ record/ take written documentation secretly of verbal abuse / domestic abuse from father & husband before I would tell your husband anything. The way I am reading it He will do anything he can to get custody of the kids and lie on you. Thatās why you need to do whatās listed above and other comments. He has gotten you where he wants you No Job No income. You need to remove you your kids away from this situation as soon as possible. There are agencies that can help women but keep it a secret.
3 Likes
Get that father in law out let him stay at another family members. You could get him on Medicare and they will help pay for a nursing home. His son can visit him there.
1 Like
I would advise getting out of there and start a new life with just you and your children if your children see you getting disrespected by their father and grandfather they will think that itās normal to treat you like that if you start afresh away from that you will be able to create a happier home for you and your children
3 Likes
Video everything !! that is verbal assault,and report him to adult social services have him removed and call social services for your children and they will order out of your house,If your husband donāt like it pack his crap to let him go with his dad
5 Likes
Leave him u dnt need this in ur life. Ul b better off if u take ur kids n leave
1 Like
I donāt usually tell someone they should leave their other. Cause thatās not my placeā¦ especially when itās someone I donāt know. But honey, you gotta get ur babies and get the hell outta there. 
3 Likes
Call the department of ageing they have day care programs for elderly, and see what they can do> Also for your husband to threaten you, is beyound unexceptable. I would not be surprised if he stays away so he donāt have to deal with his dad. However it is not your responsibilty to take care of him. As for threatning to take away your kids i would get as far away from him as you can. He is controlling and Just wants you around to babysit his dad. If he was caring and a loving husband he would find away to help with the problem. Sounds very selfish and self centered on himself. I would not put up with any of it! thatās not Love nor is it respecting you. I would think long and hard about your relationship with your husband because he has no respect and to keep you in line he threatens you with your kids. What kind of a ass does that!!!
3 Likes
I donāt think you can fight an inlaw head on.its pretty much near impossible to convince your spouse that their parent is being abusive towards you & your case of a similar character husband makes it worse .
I donāt know if this will help but l once helped a couple move a mother in law to her own apartment where she had a nurse aide come in daily for a couple of hours to tend to her needs and the kids would visit her most weekends.instead of fighting the inlaw headon the wife just convinced the husband that they need privacy to work on their marriage and be themselves around the house(as the wife told me) hence the need for the husbands mom to have her own place which is a 2 for 1 because the kids would also visit there and leave the couple to some alone time.
I also think you mustnāt have quit your job because it has you available for all this.
Lastly if your spouse fails to see eye to eye with you the best thing for you is to leave and be safe.marriage is teamwork if you fail to have empathy for your spouse then there is no team.you arenāt safe and definitely wont be happy being alone is far better than being in a cold relationship and no you will not lose your children,people who use that will only be trying to manipulate you through fear of losing what matters the most to you.
2 Likes
Document everything, take pictures. Leave to keep you and your babies safe. Call the police. I donāt know where you live but I would be more than welcome to come over and have a conversation and knock some scenes into him.
I hope all the advice from everyone is helpful.
My momās husbandās first wife had early onset alzheimers and he got to the point where he could no longer pay for the nursing home. In oder for her to have Medicare pay for it, she couldnāt have ANYTHING in name, not even money in her bank account. I donāt know how things work where you live but itās worth a shot
Take your kids and leave
3 Likes
Stop threatening each other for one. Youāre grown ass adults. Act like it.
And you knew what this man was like before he moved it. You werenāt obligated to move him inā¦but you did willingly.
Sounds like you made your bed but now you regret it because youāre the main caregiver.
Tell your husband that it is a toxic environment for you and your children to be around with, that your responsibility is to your kids alone and he needs to sort out sufficient care or youāre leaving. He has a responsibility to protect his family as well.
1 Like
YOUāRE PLACING THE WRONG ONES WHO COME IN YOUR LIFE LAST! YOU GOT IT TWISTED! YOU told us all the reasons why you should leave! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Leave your husband to tend to his fatherā¦YOU & YOUR CHILDREN MOVE ON!! GOOD LUCK!!
1 Like
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What to do about an abusive in-law? - Mamas Uncut
1 Like
If the dad or husband hits you, call the police and file a report immediately!
First thing you do is go and see a lawyer to find out what you legal rights are. They may know of local services to help with the home care of your father-in-law or at least point you in the right direction. The police are a great resource for shelters and protective orders. They do have care facilities for low income residence so donāt let that put you off.
Document everything! Video everything that you can.
4 Likes
Leave. Call APS and report it. There are Medicaid paid nursing homes but depending where you are there could be wait lists, there are also in-home assistance programs but if he is mean the he wonāt be able to keep an aide either.
If your husband doesnāt respect you then itās time to show your kids what you deserve and take them and leave
20 Likes
Point blankā¦ DAD leaves or the kids and I do! Document (written, video, messages) EVERYTHING, in case you do have to leave because your lawyer will want that 
18 Likes
Went through this with my ex husbandās mom. She called the cops on me every other day. She was in a motorized wheelchair and would try and run my son over who was 2-3 years old at the time. Banging on my bedroom door at 3AM just because if sheās awake, everyone else should be too. Was told daily that God told her I should of had an abortion, that I was stealing her insulin to get highš¤Ø, poisoning her food to kill her but in the same sentence not making any food for her. We literally went through every single home health care assistance with the end result the same. They refuse to assist us with her because of her violent behavior, speaking down on the nurses, 4 of them running out in tears. No family would help. And because of her track record, no assisted living facilities would take her due to how high risk she was. So we were absolutely stuck. Ex husband worked in the oilfields of North Dakota while we lived in Arkansas and he just didnāt understand how I couldnāt handle her. Of course she was sweet as pie when he was around or at her doctor appointments. We had to move as she got us evicted from where we lived because of her behavior. So we moved to an apartment on the 2nd floor. Sheād sneak out after midnight and go to Walmart. Riding in the middle of a 2 lane, 55mph road. My last straw was my sonās 3rd birthday. He was talking a nap. I baked a cake, got in the shower and when I was done I went to bring it nextdoor where his party was going to be and this woman ate half the cake. I absolutely lost my mind. Of course, she tried playing victim and called the police saying I was trying to kill her. So cops show up, guns drawn. However, she didnāt realize I was recording her, recording her hitting herself, trying to cut her arms and yelling help sheās trying to kill meš¤¦āāļø I told the cops Iām getting my son and leaving. Iām not putting up with this. They called adult protective services and waited for me to pack necessities. So we left. She convinced APS sheās fine and doesnāt need help. So they dropped the case.
My opinion, get out. Your mental health is important. Your childrenās mental health is extremely important. Him being abusive and your husband siding with the FILā¦time to go. You donāt need anything except for important documents, everything else is materialistic and can be replaced. Social services will help you get on your feet to become independent. We canāt help people who donāt see the wrong they do. So itās time to leave before something tragic happens. Because it will. Good luck mama
11 Likes
Thereās always a domestic violence shelter to call and they can help you set a plan in motion look to ur local one for resources good luckš¤
1 Like
Kids see everything and can feel your tension. They will remember, trust me. One final conversation with your hubby and itās gonna change or they both gotta go. Allowing your children to see how their mother is being treated and allowed is inexcusable.
Donāt leave your home, tell your husband you have a lawyer and going to divorce him and he and his father have to go. My mother in law lived with us for the most of mine years. I finally got feed up and told her to she had to go and call her family to come and get her. My husband was tired of her being with us but just couldnāt put her out. When he came home from work I told him I kicked his mom out. He was relieved. We were married 42 years before he passed. He was the best husband and she went on to be a pain and not to us or the kids. We actually moved out of the state.
1 Like
Ok Iām gonna give you a different perspective here. I donāt know the manās age or conditionā¦ but perhaps heās really depressed because he is in pain, lost his independence, knows heās a burden?? Or maybe he has dementia and canāt help the way he acts. Men especially have a hard time in this position. Iām not saying it should be tolerated but maybe understanding why itās happening can help you to resolve it. Can your husband talk to him about this? Can he be reasoned with? Is he mentally stable? I suggest talking to the family, get them involved. Hubby needs to step up and push them to help. Even if they take him weekends here and there, itād help. Maybe he needs meds for pain or depressionā¦or even a counselor. Iām just saying that before you go leaving or kicking him out try to get to the bottom of itā¦ see if you can get help. Everyone is in a difficult positionā¦including him. I hope you can figure something outā¦
Your kids needs you! Imagine them dealing with that guy without your protection!! Pleaseeee stay strong and firm 
You can apply for Early Head Start for the babies and you can go en spend the day in the library with your 12 years old until your in law leave!! Actually maybe in person school will better for you son. Get a job a leave that place!!!
Many prayers!!
Put the love of your children first. They deserve it and they need you most.
1 Like
Sorry to say but itās Time to put him a nursing home and if he gets medical insurance through the state and donāt own any real estate the government will help pay for it. I would contact senior and disabled in your area to get things going
11 Likes
Find somewhere else for you and your children to live
Take your babies & run! You and them deserve so much more!
Grab those precious children & get far far away from Hubby & father in law
He needs to handle it, its his father, you have way to much of a load, to deal with, your husband should be concerned about you first!!! And your children!!! To top it off , he has 0 respect for you, sorry but, being old is no excuse for everything!!!
2 Likes
If her husband wonāt quit his job to care for his father-thereās no way he will quit his job to take the kids and care for them and his father. Her husband and father in law are both abusive if both are threatening to hit her. She needs to find a local refuge and RUN.
10 Likes
Itās time you started looking into where to find help for yourself. If the father is threatening you, you can call the police and they will talk to him. Keep calling them. Ask them to steer you to an avenue where this man can be placed. You do not deserve this snd you need to work to make life better for yourself. If youāre husband wonāt support you then you need to be prepared to live without him. Your children come first. There is assistance out there for single moms.
If your husband is threatening you itās time to leave. Get a job, start saving your money and get out!!! But before you do, get video evidence of all of it. Your in-law, your husband, get lots of it without them knowing. Then you have what you need if your husband tries to take you to court. Or hurts you. Tell your family what is happening so they are aware. You and your children donāt need this. And donāt be afraid to call the police. Get it on record and get a restraining order!
Donāt let your children be verbally abused or abused in any way!! The in law needs to GO!
1 Like
I feel like maybe the cops would be a better place to go asking for help than a Facebook group. Js.
3 Likes
Iād honestly leave, I wouldnāt be with a man who puts me in that kind of situation
Couldnāt be with your father in law is suffering from the beginning so dementia
You my want to seek counseling. He maybe in the 1st stages of dementia. And should NEVER be a burden.
Run, get away. Move away far away. Get ghost.
She needs to go to a women refuge & theyāll help her make a plan
1 Like
Stop doing for the man , call DHR & tell them he needs a home. You are done caring for him because heās abusive & awful for your mental state. Heās IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY
1 Like
Record him and show your ball-less hubby. If he takes no action, move out and take your kids. They donāt need to be around that toxic behavior. Let the state take care of Mr Grouchy.
4 Likes
Leave the 2 assholes! Why should you end up to be a care taker and be disrespected by both.
Put the old man in a home or drop him off at one of HIS family members & let them deal with it !
Are you being abused by your husband and your father-in-law?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What to do about an abusive in-law? - Mamas Uncut
Take your kids and leave.
3 Likes
First and foremost your babies are NEVER better off without you! Second, I want you to know, YOUāRE NEVER ALONE!! 
Also please know that it would be very beneficial on your part to document as much as you can of the father and father in law that way. Even if it means putting your phone on video record and putting it in your pocket. After you have some evidence PLEASE contact an attorney! Just because you didnāt create children on your own doesnāt mean they own you or the children! Stay strong mama!! YOU GOT THIS!!
4 Likes
Time for that old man to go
5 Likes
FIRST THING MONDAY MORNING
Call your local Department of Human Services, the number is online under the county government offices.
Ask for a senior care intake worker.
Tell them EXACTLY what you have told us here.
It is THEIR job to help you get services based on HIS income not yours. Sounds like heād do well in assisted living. 
2 Likes
I feel for you Hun that sounds like a horrible situation, and thatās coming from someone who has been it a very toxic relationship, I truly feel your pain.it sounds like your husband is just as bad as his father. I worry Itll get worse from the sounds of it. Domestic violence isnāt always physical Hun, when he uses threats like that to manipulate you thatās emotional abuse. Which can be just has bad or worse sometimes. Please donāt think like that! Those kids need you girl, leaving them with him by thinking everyone is better off without you could be dangerous for them. Alot of the time a abuser turns to the children as well. Please get yourself out of that situation any way you can, I know itās hard to start over and easier said than done obviously but you can do this!! Please stand up for yourself and those babies girl!! You deserve better and so do they! Iāll be praying for you.
5 Likes
Leave. This will not end well. If your husband is defending his fathers actions, he will be the exact same wayā¦ which it sounds like he already isā¦ pack what you can and leave, quickly.
21 Likes
i suggest leaving with kids let your man deal with his own old man
6 Likes
Look into free stuffā¦Is he a veteran? Can he maybe qualify for medicaid? Does he collect social security? You should be able to put him in a facility with some/all of these programs. Tell your husband heās YOUR DADā¦you have children to take care of. He shouldnāt expect you to care for his father too. And double no if heās abusive.
7 Likes
Time to pack up and leave. If your husband doesnāt want to face the issue, leave it all and donāt look back. You and the kids deserve much better.
2 Likes
leave with your kids God will make a way for you
3 Likes
Lock him in a room .
1 Like
Leave. Just take your kids & leave. No one deserves to be treated that way. Especially the mother of his children.
6 Likes
Without support from your husband things will never get better.make some phone calls find out your options then have a conversation with your husband go from there you are not in a good situation your children come first
Stand up for yourself and your children. Donāt let him teach your children to be this way. Or that someone just takes the abuse. You keep doing that he may learn his place living in your home.
1 Like
Wow. Hope you find a way to get away from this. Very toxic to you and your children.Just know that threats are scare tactics used to keep you in ā your place ā. See what your options are for shelters and file a restraining order. He doesnāt need to know your plan. Just go and donāt look back.
11 Likes
Keep your phone on video record whenever youāre in the same room as him. I understand that youād be taking a lot of videos but itās worth catching his abusive behaviors on camera. Especially if he or your husband come at you with the threat of taking your children.
16 Likes
Someone needs to put Pops in his place, tut suite! Heās acting the part of the crabby old master of the realm, and he is a guest in the home. You and your husband make the rules. Pops needs to do much better. Of course he is scared and disappointed in life: lots of company there. Maybe if you can arrange to get him to a senior center twice a week, they can straighten his behavior out. He must not be allowed to bad mouth your children. Always speak up after he says something really putting down the child. For example, āAdam is lazy!ā You respond, āNo, Adam is a great kid. Letās talk about you now. Can you play cards, listen to music, or sit on the patio for a while? Things will be better when you have had some fresh air.ā You can be friendly but firm. Good luck, dear.
If he truly needs care, there must. be a doctor on board. See if he can set you up with an elder counselor and be sure you explain everything to the counselor ahead of time. Maybe someone with a ādegreeā can let him know heās making life miserable for your family. Itās maybe possible for him to get counseling and straighten his act up or send him off to a senior living center.
1 Like
Girrrrl!! Bless your heart!! U have a mess! Sounds like youāre husband is UNsupportive!! Thatās where the crux of the problem is!! First place, he should respect that u have your hands FULL with 3 kiddos and a home and HIM let alone adding his father! It shouldnāt cost u a dime to place him in a convalescent center. They accept his SS check as payment in most cases. U have very little self-esteem as well (sounds like) and hubby could be taking advantage of that. He CANNOT legally take your kids from you. And for him to even threaten that shows his level of respect for you. Put your foot DOWN. AND put it down hard! But never threaten anything u arenāt willing to follow thru with. Have an alternate plan. A plan B! Then follow thru! Iāll be praying for you!!
3 Likes
If heās using ur kids to keep you there heās as toxic as your father in law get in touch with domestic violence and get into a refuge with ur children
I would record everything, he is not your responsibility and your husband sounds abusive too (at least verbally) I would find a way to leave with the kids. Your husband should understand you and put you and your family first.
1 Like
Use your cell phone to video the abuse for court and leave
Move pops out to the garage and tell him to hire a caregiver or get Medicaid- you didnāt sign up for this when you married your husband. Lay down the law either he respects you, your home and your children or bring him to the local hospital and tell them he has no one to care for him and heās homeless, they will have no choice but to send him to a nursing home where they will help him get Medicaid and you can have your life back.
1 Like
Kick him out make him take care of himself he seems like heās used to be taken care of and using family ā¦ he can mock you and your family he knows where the door isā¦tell him he keeps it up he gonna get kicked out on the street if he donāt respect you
I wouldnāt tolerate disrespect from someone that didnāt raise me. But heād be changing his attitude or be getting the hell out.
You canāt stay in that situation itās not safe for you or your children.Leave him because if dcf gets involved you will lose your kids
Record the actions. Sometimes people need to see themselves and other people need to see and after that if there is no change you have a responsibility to your kids and yourself first and foremost. Lifeās too short to be unhappy and youāll have a record for your attorney 
Leave. You deserve better than this.
Get away from both of themā¦
Ugh get rid of both of them. Your husband should not be threatening you and def shouldnāt be expecting you to deal with his abusive father. Take your kids and leave asap!
5 Likes
Your disabled FIL hits you? Iād have his ass in a home. Iād throw them both out if your husband has a problem with it. Hes supposed to stand by his wife and children. Or just leave a stick for the old man to fall over? Jk. My FIL is in poor health, but I love my in-laws thankfully. But they also donāt live with us.
Looks like a pattern that was passed from the father to son. Remove yourself and your childrenā¦ and break the cycle. Do not pass this toxic unto your children.
5 Likes
Seek help for women and children in your area, get out & donāt look back! File an order of protection for you and your kids!!!
2 Likes
Record everything and talk to a lawyer
3 Likes
Sometimes you just gotta put someone in their place. Donāt be afraid of him.
3 Likes
Leave them. Take your kids. Withdraw money over a bit of timeā¦ Pack one night, go shopping on the next. Donāt look back.
First of all you need to document everything that heās done and said to you. Your father-in-law and your husband. Your husband sounds pretty greedy trying to keep the money instead of putting his dad somewhere where he could get the real help that he needs. He would rather you suffer because he sure isnāt. Put your kids happiness above all else.
3 Likes
Take your children and leave no reason to be there
3 Likes