Tell your husband to stay home and care for him or put him on a nursing home simple as that.
Tell him he is in your house and he will not disrespect you and if he canāt do that, he needs to go. Itās your home, not his.
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Get out and take your children with you!
No court of law will take your kids for not wanting them belittled and abused by both.
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Wait for him to go to work and leave with your kids. Leave stuffs prepared and hidden somewhere and when he leaves to work, leave with your kids to a shelter or I donāt know some family but donāt call till you have your place. He doesnāt want to cooperate taking his dad out and thatās is not your responsibility. Your children and you need peace and a steady mental life
Talk to him about your concerns and frustrations maybe he will listen
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Let him sit there and rot in his filth one day and when his son comes home let him know he has tending to his father
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Put him in an assisted living home
Sounds as if he needs more extensive medical/mental care than you or your husband are willing/able to provide. Soumds as if he may have the beginning stages of dementia. Or he could just be an asshole. 
. Either way not good for you or your children. If hes a vet, there are resources and veteran retirement centers he can live at, or other assisted living places. Id recommend a tour of any facility ran by QSM management (the blake)
It sounds like you donāt have a very supportive husband who puts you first. Perhaps you and your children are better off without the abuser and the enabler in your lives.
Time to put him in a home
Document every incident. I agree with other members to contact professional like Aging services, a lawyer, etc. It doesnāt like like your husband has checked into any of the many services available. Call the police if he hits you again. Those situations only get worse and your first concern is your children and you might have to consider leaving the home with them. Donāt wait one more day to follow through. Good luck.
Open up a report
Your husband threatened you at least you have thsg to fall back onā¦ and report the In Law. He is NOT well and should have someone taking care of him not a SAHM of 3
You immediately divorce their son or daughter
Send him to a home for a month. His attitude will get fixed
You can always have the Court Marchman Act him.
Is your name on the property? Serve him an Eviction Notice. After proper notice and time runs, heās out.
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If your FIL gets a monthly check the nursing home will accept that as payment. He is NOT YOUR responsibility he is your husbandās and he needs to step up to the plate and deal with him!! Donāt allow him to disrespect you, your kids or your home! That is totally unacceptable!!!
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This situation will affect your 12 yr old! The mental/emo abuse will quickly take a big toll on him. Thatās not fair to him. I sure hope thereās never a situation where heās left w/FIL. Who knows what heād be saying to your child.
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I only read a few lines to know this affects your children as well as you! Kin or not they have to go!
Leave. This wonāt end well for you or your children. If your husband is threatening to hit you, heās just as bad as his father and your children will start to pick up on and reflect those toxic behaviors. Save yourself and your kids the pain 
Abuse is never ok. You gotta go and bring those babies with
Get the f out.of ther asap ,You do.not have to stay there at all no one owns no one I this life , 
get.out of ther asap
Pack ur things and leave fuk the cunt doesnāt want to back u leave his arse