What to do about my boyfriend's weird video call

Relationships
1
Hi everyone, I'm here with my current bf we were together for five years in the past and about six months ago rekindled and we have been together.

He recently got his own apartment and he invited over to stay a day. We’re spending time together and he got a video call at 9:30pm via messenger from his ex before he and I was together the first time. That’s before 2013.

He is just watching the phone like he doesn’t want to answer it so I said answer it. He’s taking really long to answer the call and the call ended.

Something ain’t right because I never had these type of issues before.
Strange right. Why is his ex calling at 9:30 pm on a Thursday night and video calling too. To me this has to be a frequent thing.

I told him call bk. So he did. She’s laying in bed with night clothes on prepared to chat. But if a woman knows he have a gf why would she feel so comfortable to video call him that hour of the night. something not right.

Convo.
Him: hi
Her:hello good night, how you?
Him: I’m okay just chilling with my girlfriend.
Her:okay cool. Well later then.
She Hangs up phone.

I asked him, why does she feel so comfortable calling at 9:30 pm via video call.

He said she haven’t call in months but to me this cannot be right, and my gut feeling is tingling and telling me this ain’t right.

I ask him o open the chat of both of them on messenger it’s empty. I asked how it’s empty. He recently bought a phone about a month ago and he said since he switched the phone maybe the chat cleared. Everyone knows thats a lie. And I told him that if you switch phones the messenger chat doesn’t clear. He was like well he doesn’t know how the chat cleared.

I asked if anything is going on between them he said no they haven’t spoken in months. Mind you I wasn’t even aware they were talking.

And let me add this Im a very pretty woman I get offered everyday from men and I turn it down. So while I was questioning him about it now I asked him so if I’m video calling my ex at 9:30 pm is that okay with you? He said no. So how does he expects me to feel.

Has anyone ever gone through this before plz leave what happened when you experienced it. Any healthy honest advice will be nice.

My gut feeling have been acting up really bad since we started bk to talk ad I never had this feeling with him when we were together first and now I’m seeing this. I honestly just want to end it for I get hurt more.

140 Likes
2

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/what-to-do-about-my-boyfriends-weird-video-call/15563

3

I mean, why would an ex call? And not speak with you around. Already fishy to me, but I also havw a history of bring cheated on

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4

For me it’s simple, you are with me you don’t stay in touch with your ex gf. If you do then I’m out.

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5

Bottom line, listen to your gut. It is never wrong!!!

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6

Dump his lying, cheating ass. Then find you a way more handsome stud that respects you. Fuxk that guy, he’s a pos.

7

not saying this is the case but I’ve had plenty of chats for no reason disappear and its facebook cause facebook acts like sometimes but that going on I’m pretty sure he deleted the messages…go look into her messages look for photos now that doesn’t delete

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8

He’s definitely talking to her and lying to you about it. If they we’re just friends he wouldn’t need to hide it from you. I think you should take those other men up on their offer and forget your lying cheat of a boyfriend!

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9

He’s def doing something with his ex

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10

:eyes::eyes::eyes: I’m so glad I’m out of the dating world. The fact you even had to post this as a question baffles me.

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11

Walk away red flags no man simply talks to his ex at 9:30 at night unless kids are involved

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12

Hes lying point blank.

13

Their conversation seemed weird to me. First of all, why would they be talking so casually that late at night? Why did she decide to randomly call him when he invited you over? How coincidental. Seems they talk often. And when she asked “how you” or “how are you?” Why didn’t he just reply with “I’m okay”? It’s like he added the second part for her to get the hint. I think you have your answer.

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14

It’s time for you to leave. He is lying for sure. I’d drop him.

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15

Always listen to your gut.

16

Walk away definitely a red flag :triangular_flag_on_post:

17

I am pretty sure when I got a new phone all my chats were cleared.
930 isn’t late
And your gut will never lie!

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18

:running_woman::running_woman::running_woman::running_woman::running_woman::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:

19

Girl. You already know what the deal is. That’s why you’re here posting all this. She may know he has a gf but she calling to say good night? NOPE!

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20

Yup, he’s lying. There’s really no point in trying to force him to come clean, he’s clearly too much of a coward. Throw him in the trash.

21

He states straight away he is with u and she ends the conversation. Bull it’s the first time she has rung. Most ex’s are that for a reason. This has a big old red flag all over it.

22

Follow your intuition. Your gut feeling is right. Red flag!!

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23

Always listen to your gut. I learned that the hard way and now I always listen to it. I’d tell him your thoughts and be like :wave: buh bye, I ain’t got time for BS games.

24

Drop him. You don’t need the drama. Honestly, I think you already know the answer because the post repeats itself. You don’t want to bring kids to this situation either.

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25

Could be a red flag, could be easily explained. Bottom line is, if you don’t trust him, your relationship will not work.

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26

Garth Brooks says one of God’s greatest gifts is unanswered prayers.
That may be true, but even moreso, God gave us the gift of intuition/ instinct. Trust yours.
If it feels wrong… IT IS WRONG.

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27

If you have this many negative thoughts and gut feelings, Id just get out now.

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28

Honey, he’s banging her or at the very least video sexing

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29

Go with your gut.

Leave him because he’s just going to continue being sneaky and lying.

I wasted 5 years with a douche like this until I had hard evidence, now I’ve learned to trust my gut.

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30

He added he was with you to give her a heads up not to say anything

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31

People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. She wouldn’t think that door was open if he wasn’t opening it for her. :triangular_flag_on_post:

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32

When in doubt… don’t.

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33

Always go with your gut. It’s rarely ever wrong.

34

Messenger has a vanish mode. All you gotta do is drag up in the message and it’ll come outta vanish mode.

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35

Why didn’t he ask her why she was calling instead of hanging out with my girlfriend? That there says he was warning her you were there and to hang up.

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36

If they don’t have children together and he didn’t block her right away, then I’d say that’s a huge red flag & there’s something he is hiding! If a guy messages me in any weird way, I block his ass right then and there lol.
But then, he could be completely innocent and didn’t want to hurt any feelings, but I highly doubt that. You deserve a guy who respects you and doesn’t leave you with these crazy thoughts where you have to get other opinions on social media. Trust is everything and if you don’t have that, you can’t have a healthy relationship.
:two_hearts:

37

More red flags than a carnival

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38

As someone who had to get a new phone, even will my iCloud being updated , I lost all my texts and messages on Facebook and Instagram. Also, him not wanting to answer isn’t shady… you making him call her Back is a little off. Maybe she didn’t know he had a Gf is bc he didn’t call to let her know.

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39

If he’s keeping his options open, then do the same unless commitment

40

Listen to your gut cause it’s not wrong. Send him back to his ex

41

Go with your gut. He is a lying cheat! He was your ex for a reason… Keep him as your ex and move on! You deserve someone who deserves you!

42

Always listen to your gut. Walk away.

43

Say goodbye and move on… simple… you already know the answer, so don’t question it darl… gtfo already, yesterday :laughing:

44

Always trust your gut!

45

Girl, you already know what’s up. Throw that whole damn man away & move on. Let them two be shady together.

46

Trust that gut 100%
Literally no way he’s not cheating.

47

Google how to retrieve deleted Facebook messages, and let him know that you can help him retrieve ALL of his lost messages as he must have lost all convos, not just one. :grin:

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48

FOLLOW YOUR GUT. He might not necessarily be cheating but there’s something goin on…he’s definitely lying bout shit it’s just a matter of what it is

49

There is actually a folder on messenger with deleted messages

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50

He got busted :upside_down_face: and is trying to act like he didn’t

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51

I’m seeing :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:all over that. It’s way to obvious he is still foolin with her.

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52

if something doesn’t feel right it probably isn’t , Go with your gut feelings. Now as for the messages, I clear my all the time. Same when we had landline phone voice messages, I cleared them every time I listened to them, There is nothing wrong with that

53

Yeah, that’s weird, somethings definitely going on

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54

Talk to her, than ask him again, let them both know you’re not a fool.

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55

Red flags for sure if it was innocent then surley wen she found out he was there with you she would of carried on the convo but didn’t because u was there

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56

Ask her. :woman_shrugging:t4: She don’t have any reason to lie you, right?

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57

Maybe they are just friends and he knew you would react like this. I am married and my best friend is a guy who calls me at all hours to talk or video chat. Hubs doesn’t care. I also dated this guy for 2 years. But we trust each other and have opposite friends on both sides .

3 Likes
58

Wow

Yea. Whoooole bunch of nope

You might as well just walk away and never look back.
The whole “hanging out with my gf “
Like he HAD to throw that out to her? LOLOL. That was an obvious “hey she’s RIGHT here we can’t talk”
I would’ve gotten up and left

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59

I’m way too old for all that BS
You dont trust him…leave
Youre gut feelings are rarely wrong

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60

For one as far as you know its one call and he said straight out he was chilling with his girlfriend so unless there is other proof than just grow up and take chill pill

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61

She wouldn’t have ended it that abruptly upon hearing that he was with you if there was nothing going on. Throw the whole boyfriend away.

12 Likes
62

I think you have answered your own question sweetie
Follow your gut instinct

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63

Your feelings are valid.

64

The amount of time you put into this essay about your relationship with this dude and re reading it before posting … didn’t trigger you to delete it and leave him?? Re read your own post sweetie! You answer yourself more than once.

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65

Nothing anyone else says matters TRUST YOUR GUT ALWAYS!!! Do not question it.

66

Think your answering your own question, pretty obvious he is cheating so just get rid seriously…

67

Ok I just from my phone experience my chat has cleared on a new phone
Second he was not going to answer and didn’t seem to care to much was honest when called her back. Now with all that you took the time to write about it already seems you made up your mind and have no trust you did say all that so maybe just end it or wait and see :woman_shrugging:t2:

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68

I was just as naive as you a few years ago. I stayed even though my ex had cheated multiple times, even in front of me. I let him manipulate me into thinking I was crazy. After we had our first child, I was pressured into marrying him and that was the worst mistake I ever made. Cheating turned to emotional abuse. Emotional abuse turned physical. By the time I finally decided to leave, I didn’t recognize the person he turned me into and I despised myself. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Know your worth. Walk away and don’t look back.

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69

I’m just stuck on the “and mind you I’m a very pretty woman and I get offers daily from men” that was added. What does that have to do with anything :joy::joy:

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70

Trust your gut feeling

71

Your gut never lies. It doesn’t. It’s been helping us survive as a species since the beginning of time. Sorry he’s being like that, but if I was in that situ I would have to go. It may hurt now, but I promise it’ll hurt more the longer it’s dragged out.

72

Look at his call history all the calls she’s made will show up there

73

Run do not pass go just run. Toxic.

74

Always trust your instincts

75

I mean you were his ex and rekindled. Maybe he’s also rekindling with his other ex too :woman_shrugging:t4:

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76

You already know what’s going on… go with your gut.

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77

There is a great argument for both sides…

  1. She called, he was honest with you and her so what’s the problem? He didn’t lie and he isn’t hiding you.

  2. He is your ex for a reason… You messed up when you decided to not leave your past in the past.

Your gut never lies…

Regardless of how pretty you are that plays no part in this. Your inner beauty is what matters.

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78

First and foremost “beautiful people” gets cheated on all the time so I’m not sure how this was relevant. If you can’t trust your partner leave its very simple. The moment you feel the need to dig through pass messages and whatnot tells you everything you need to know.

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79

Your gut doesn’t lie baby girl. Run

80

Seems like a nightly thing if it was so causal. I hate to say this but trust your gut.

81

That wasn’t the first call

82

:triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post: these are flying in front of your face please leave and don’t waste time. Or you will be writing us again after you get pregnant :expressionless::unamused:

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83
  1. Most dumpster wh0res don’t give a fuck if the men are married or have a girlfriend these parasites need go… and clearly some men don’t give a fuck either. Stop entertaining it. He’s for the streets.
84

They have sex on video call red flag

85

Trust ur gut …
He mat well be telling the truth in regards to her not calling for months…

But there is only one reason why a women would video chat in bed like that…

If it was innocent why didn’t she carry on the conversation… silly boy… he should have been honest with u…

If they haven’t got kids together I would ask him to tell her he is not interested and to not call like that again … (if that was the case)…

But definitely trust ur gut instinct… that was a booty call

86

Listen to your gut. He’s lying!!! Plus , why are you people laughing at this post? What if it were you in this situation.

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87

Listen to your gut, it may hurt a bit now but will be worse later on

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88

Kick him to the curb. What are you waiting for ???

89

Erm you asked what to do, but you answered your own question in the last sentence.

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90

He didn’t answer because he didn’t want to. He was staring at it because he hasn’t talked to her in months. I’d stare at it too. He opened it when you asked him too, called her back when you asked her too and told her he was with you. And you’re still thinking he’s cheating?? Men who are cheating don’t do that. Maybe you have a guilty conscience?? Because honestly, faithful women don’t say, I’m pretty and I turn down guys every day. So… :woman_shrugging:t4:

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91

Sounds like you already know. He’s lying and you deserve better

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92

Dude, trust your gut, not your guy. I know that sounds harsh, but the fact that she felt so comfortable and was clearly expecting him to reciprocate says it all.
Yes, she may not have known about you & he may have been playing both of you, but at the same time you’re questioning him & she herself isn’t the issue, as ANY other woman would be the issue.

93

Believe your guts, Same thing happened to me and I realized really late that I was with a narcissist who kept contact with all his exes and would re link with them all the time. Run, it’s a major red flags and that’s mean you will find out about worst things

94

First off you’re in the wrong group you need relationship advice this is a group for mothers… And second, really??? SMH. This whole situation is rhetorical you know what to do.

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95

What made you break up with him 5 years ago? Cheating? We need back story

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96

Run. He cheatin for sure.

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97

Go with your gut!!! I would end it but if you really want confirmation he is talking to her message the ex yourself I’m sure she would send you screenshots.

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98

Just keep playing with a player. You already know the whole scenario stinks. :face_with_monocle:

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99

You already know the answer. Good luck. There are plenty that will put you first

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100

End it or you’ll always be in the middle and hurt