Ive been with my man for 5 years we have a 1 year old baby girl . He was in rehab because he was doing pills he promised he would change and be better person , ever since he been out , we barely have sex , we don’t cuddle at night , he hasn’t said he loves me ,he don’t look at me the same anymore , I tried to be sexy the other night , he said not right now I am watching tv it’s to early to go to bed , umm wtff ? Before he usto get all excited for sex, he goes out all the time , when he needed he’s friends they were never there for him , but he always hangs out all the time with them , I’ve been there since day 1 supporting him, and he treats me like s*** , he don’t help me clean , always playing video games , he helps me financially, but idk what to do , should I leave him ? I do love him so much
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What to do about my man?
Did they put him on any medication at rehab, that he still takes? Sometimes medication affects people in different ways.
Maybe sit down and have a talk with him express how you feel
A one sided love will only get you so far. Better yourself.
Getting clean is a huge life changing thing. It’s not about you. Playing games could be a way he is distracting himself from his drug cravings. His body and his mind is going through a huge change.
Save yourself and your child. He is showing you how he feels.
In my opinion the reason why hes like that is because hes withdrawing depending how long hes been on them the worse and longer the withdraws last
He could be extremely depressed. No interest in sex once so ever. Don’t take it personally
Maybe go to nar-anon classes.
When my man got clean our sex life plummeted affection dropped. He seemed like he didn’t care. We talk and communicate alot. Getting clean changes things. Things are getting back to normal and we are very happy. It’s going to take y’all time.
Is he on medication? That’s one of the main reasons that I don’t like taking medication especially for mental health because most of them bring your sex drive down really low.
They never change, so maybe it’s time for you to do what’s best for you and that 1 year old !
It’s over. Accept it.
I would leave if it was my relationship
Walk away. Don’t look back.
I’ve personally dealt with this. Give him time. If he’s fresh out of rehab then he’s got a lot of temptations to avoid and triggers. He could have ED from heavy usage of pills too or any medication he’s been put on. He’s hanging out with his friends because that’s all he knows outside of pills and his family and it’s easier to be honest to a friend about how you’re feeling than a spouse.
If this has been going on for more than 2 years then I would say it’s time to go, but if sobriety is still new to him (less than 1.5 years) then you need to sit him down and tell him how you’re feeling and ask if you can help him overcome this in any way.
Those pills are like man-made Viagra so maybe he just don’t have the drive right now but can’t speak for the rest. In rehab lots of times they focus on your relationship to as part of Treatment. So that may have influenced some behaviors.
If they put him on medication that would probably be the answer but if not I don’t think he is just your man
Ask him does it still work! Even if it does it is no excuse to treat you like this
You need to dump him
What you allow will continue. What you need to decide is can you continue to be put on the back burner and ignored. Can you continue to be the parent that is present and doing everything that needs to get done daily in your own? If you answered no to any of those, you know you can’t keep going down this road.
Costco Mobile AL and then if he doesn’t reply worry about yourself and your child
Proofs in the pudding. Pack you & baby & make a good life you are so worthy of. You CAN DO THIS…God has your back. God Bless
There can be a lot of depression after a person becomes sober. Taking pills or drugs) releases larger amounts of dopamine. He’s used to functioning off that high, and those dopamine levels. Try not to take it personally. I know it’s hard. If you are willing to weather a really hard rough patch and support his sobriety, good on you. If you can’t and need to walk away, that’s okay too.
I’ve also personally dealt with this with my daughters father and I later found out he was still using and cheating . Not saying he’s using or cheating but I’d definitely look into it a little deeper
Some of these comments.
Look, addiction physiologically changes they brain. Serotonin levels are off. Finding joy becomes different than before.
He needs therapy, not just rehab.
If he’s not willing, yes, you should go.
Maybe he’s on pills again? Pills make your d*** soft, and you loose the desire.
Sounds almost exactly like my predicament except he was an alcoholic, and were married. My opinion is, it won’t get better… you will end up blaming and tearing yourself apart. Its not worth it to just “hope” things will eventually get better. They won’t. What your child needs is a happy mother. Good luck sweetheart
Unfortunately, loving him won’t be enough to change him. Trying to do so only leads to the allowance of disrespect. He KNOWS you love him and doesn’t think you’ll leave him, thus he feels confident in doing whatever he wants knowing you’ll still be at home waiting.
Personally, I would try opening a line of communication first. If that doesn’t work, it seems you’ve already exhausted other options, the only logical thing to do would be to pack up and leave. Best of luck to you.
I would say he’s cheating
Give him time. His body and mostly brain are adjusting to life without pills. I’ve been there so I understand him. His sex drive will come back.
Why stay with someone who treats you so bad. He’s not going to change.
Sit him down and have an adult conversation. It’s possible that if he is on medication for his addictions, it’s affecting him, possibly in ways he doesn’t want to talk about. It’s also possible that he’s trying to keep himself busy (with video games and friends) to occupy his mind and his time. A lot of times, people with addictions will trade one addiction for another. Like I said, sit him down and talk to him about it, try to come up with a way to include yourself in keeping his mind occupied. If that doesn’t work, you could try couples counseling. If nothing you try works, it leaves you with two choices. 1) stay and deal with things the way they are 2) leave and focus on yourself. Good luck!
Boot him out the door
Why the f are you here asking fb. It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind.
So why do you need confirmation from complete strangers on fb
You need to let him find out who he is clean.
You love the idea of him and you’re used to having him around. No one would actually love someone who treats them like that. Move on
Maybe have an conversation with him. Communication is key!
Honey I just read my life story all over and let me tell you HE WILL NOT change. My daughter was 2 1/2 we had been in our new home less than a year and I came home from a family camping trip early that he did not attend bc he " supposedly had to work" to find another woman’s lingerie hanging from our bedroom door and them pulling up in his truck right after. Get yourself well off before you decide to pull the trigger and leave. Start taking money and putting into a separate acct call and get government support for food a place to live anything you can and then run girl do not walk run and never look back. Trust me one day you will look back and realize it was worth it and you should’ve got out sooner. You and your child is worth more.
My guess would be he is back into his addiction and maybe even cheating. I would say you need to really place your attention on your baby girl and decide if you want her to grow up seeing you being mistreated. He may need more help then you can give him. Prayers you find the answers you need.
He doesn’t want sex??? Big red flag
Maybe, just maybe, he’s going through shit too?
Getting sober is hard! He can be depressed. It takes a toll on the body… talk to him? I mean I wouldn’t leave him until you figure what is going on.
Yes! Walk Away! It want get better,
Is he on suboxone or anything that could be giving him side effects? Or is he possibly using again and you don’t know? I wouldn’t blame yourself. Communication is key, talk to him about it
… Is he sleeping with his friends?? I don’t believe he’s hanging with the guys if he has all of the sudden lost the urge to ‘fornicate’ hunny to state it politely AND he’s missing for hours at a time supposedly with the boys…?? that situation warrants further investigation… I dunno that doesn’t sound good at all.
As a recovering addict it’s super hard to feel anything after tbh. He needs to find out who he is first. I’m sorry but it’s true . Recovery is beyond hard and takes time
Tbh being sober is a lot of work. It changes your normal routine. I’m not sure how long exactly he has been out. But I dabbled a lot back in school. And it’s so draining. No, sex is not the same anymore. Until you finally get used to it sober. No, the drive isn’t there as it once was. Until the chemicals balance in your brain again, and you start finding interest in things again. Like even cleaning in itself is like pulling your teeth out. But sometimes you just have to force yourself to get through it. Maybe healthy encouragement, and motivation. Video games are a good stress reliever, it’s good. you can focus your stress out into a game. When drugs are normally used to alter your reality, and gives you a little break. Playing video games Is a little break from reality in a healthy way. I actually am a big time gamer now because of it. So if you waited this long for him, wait a little more. It sounds like he is getting there but it takes time. But maybe do some of your own research on the pills he was doing, and read into how it changes you. And how much time it takes to become yourself again. He went to rehab! That’s something most addicts won’t even do. So that’s already your biggest sign he is making an effort to change. Leaving is too drastic. Talk with him and just ask how he is doing.
Find an Al-Anon meeting, maybe also couples counseling. Recovery isn’t easy physically or mentally
Blatant disrespect and signs of him not happy and unhappy men go playing. Fuck him off! Your a queen, start acting like it
Love yourself more, he doesn’t deserve you. Leave
Getting sober can affect your sex drive and the life changes can cause depression in some, before you leave you might want to try and see if he’s open to talking to you about it
Girl, have some self respect and get rid of him! You said it yourself, he treats you like shit. I think you already know what you should do.
Why do you love him?
My husband and I both got into drugs. We both had to have time apart for ourselves. Part of our sobriety includes taking care of our mental illnesses…
Is he possibly depressed? Anxious? It could be completely different than what you think.
Trust can be hard. But sometimes it could be something else.
Try to talk first. And see what he will say and maybe there’s more he needs or wants to do to stay sober.
If hes sober maybe low libido. Let him adjust.
Tons of guys drink or do drugs to preform better . Maybe hes not so confident now!
I wouldn’t jump to cheating.
Ask how hes feeling and whats up!!
He’s in recovery? Getting off drugs can completely change a person. The pill version is what you are comparing the sober person to.
Life’s too short to spend your time with someone that doesn’t desire tf outta you. He don’t appreciate you.
Hes got to get on his journey with addiction, and sadly that will be a “project” for you more than anything. Let the pros handle that, you know counselors, addiction specialist, etc. I’m sure that his journeys not over. Sounds like he’s enjoying your structure and convenience. Boot his as* and find someone Worth your time.
Getting clean and sober affects not only their mental state, but their physical state, and sex drive!! Talk to him!! Find out what’s in his mind, what he’s going through!! So many people think as soon as the drugs and alcohol are gone the person is all better, that is not at all how recovery works!! There was a reason he used, and now he has to find another way to mentally process life! Everything is different for him. It’s a long hard road after his crutch has been taken away. Communication is soooo important! Don’t jump to conclusions!!
Maybe you fell in love with the pill head version of him and this is the real version? or maybe he is depressed
Okay… I normally don’t comment I just read everything and take in everything but this hits home… to say I have experience with loving an addict is an understatement… with that being said… first you need to be in al-anon meetings. Loving an addict is hard… second how long was his treatment? To me it does not sound like he is cheating is sounds like he is starting to fall back into his addiction third talk to him tell him how he makes you feel and his reaction will tell you exactly where he is at. Weather that be depressed and stressed or falling back into his addiction. Trust your gut. People saying he will not change is not always true but to be honest he may not change for you, everyone has different rock bottoms and everyone has different things they will tolerate. I love my husband but I told him it was either me or his addiction. He changed for himself me and our children but my ex chose his addiction… it is up to him and know this has nothing to do with you and you deserve happiness and you will find it. You deserve love and you will find it. Stay strong momma you will get through this!
Real talk this sounds like side effects of detoxing after long term use. Which also includes bouts of depression. After using long term, hell some even short term, it can take 1-10 Years for your body to actually reset and produce your chemicals correctly again.
The drugs made him more free and wanting sex all the time… he’s clean now so it’s a huge change for him and he doesn’t know how to handle how his body is. It’s not his fault. Don’t give up… I’ve been there!
Take time for yourself and read codependent no more.
Loving an addict is hard. I personally couldn’t do it but these are some of the things you have to deal with.
Sounds like a normal physiological effect after getting clean… he’s just alot and I mean ALOT going on in his head right now.
Stop.settling for nonsense.
Sounds like you both are more of a roommate then in a relationship. Sit down and try talking to him. But if things don’t change, you should leave
My first thought is his really clean right now ? Did he relapse and nor want you to know so he’s always out with his friends ? He could be using again in smaller amounts sonits hard to tell and be trying to hide it.
But on the other side he could be depressed or feelings change when you become sober .
Being sober after battling an addiction is very hard and very long process for someone but it is no excuse for him to run off wit friends all the time he should be pushing to make things better I have experience wit this my loved one was in same boat took almost year to get right but they fought the battle and pushed their self to be better one day at a time
How long has he been out of rehab?
How long did he stay in rehab?
Did they give him any medication?
Did he go to counseling after rehab stay?
Just know that Most drug Addict take more than a few times in recovery hospital,Then others
He sounds depressed to me. Detox can do that. I would sit him down and have a conversation. And adult one with understanding. I don’t get the feeling he is cheating with the info you gave.
Getting out a rehab is a really hard adjustment. Give him time.
You need counseling. Apart and together. I think you are making small issues big.
Everyone telling you to leave is uneducated on the topic of addicts and rehab.
Rehab and getting clean is a MAJOR shift in their brain. He is going through soooo much right now even if he doesn’t act like it or show it.
pills/drugs made him into the person who first knew, Now that they are gone, he is different, I would say, he really doesn’t love you, But he helps you financially, well then, when you leave he can give you child support
My husband is a recovered addict and alcoholic. I’m sorry but you’re making it more about you than you need to. How many days/months/years sober does he have? His mental an emotional health is very fragile depending on where he is. He needs to rebuild a life so that he doesn’t use and it isn’t as easy as just not using. Most addicts have trauma, and/or mental health issues which they were numbing with the drug use. If you actually love him, go to counselling, together and apart to understand his journey and struggle.
I use to pop pills as well. When I was broken sex was like my go to thing to feel good, besides drugs. I have extreme PTSD from being physically, mentally, and sexually abused as a child. Now that I’m with my partner and he isnt using me like other guys I dont really feel the need to have sex with him either. Sex has been used so many times in the wrong ways it’s hard for me to understand that’s what people do when they love each other. After being a drug addict for so long and getting clean you have to find out how to operate in the real world again, and trust me it’s not easy at all. Hes probably overstressed and feeling down about himself. Try talking to him about his feelings and how hes doing.
If you do love him, then help him! If not, you are hindering his mental/emotional growth…so leave!
Your trama bound to him. That’s not love, it’s codependency.
Leave him. Will be hard at 1st, in the end you’ll see it was the best decision for the future of your 1 year old & yourself
Your not happy. Using he helps w bills as an excuse. You don’t NEED a man
Speaking from experience, this is normal behaviour when you are learning to stay sober. You don’t know what to do with yourself, and you don’t want any body touching you. Bare with him, talk to him, tell him how you are feeling, but don’t make it all about you, find out how he is feeling as well. Getting clean takes a lot out of you and you have to figure out who you are again, you have to figure out how to live again without being high. It’s a struggle, and it’s a feeling of being lost and like no one understands. It takes time.
One thing I will say is I know when you get off pills they tend to prescribe suboxone which chemically changes your sex drive and lowers a man’s testosterone levels so that could be why he is not as up for sex. Getting off pills can be a mentall and physical pain. So if you are truly in love then consider these things as a possible reason for his behavior. Maybe try going to a couples drug therapy session so you can talk out the way he us making you feel and you both can get some answers as to why he is acting the way he is and maybe some options to make things better. Dont get me wrong his addiction is not an excuse for the way he is acting but sometime getting the person to see that there addiction is causing some of there behaviors can help the person face it and turn the behavior around. Either way you have to do you whatever it is that makes you happy and feel alive is what’s best for you and always consider that first. I didnt and 20 years later I cant say it was worth it.
he is still getting or wanting to get high. You will be nothing until them drugs are completely gone…from experience. Also let’s just say he is taking meds to stay clean, they also suppress your sex drive
I’ve been in this situation but I wasted almosted 20 years of my life thinking one day things would get better.They didn’t and I tried everything…He wanted to be with me because it was easier and comfortable less he had to do on his own because I was there for him through it all but he always put me last so I finally left and now I’m married to a man who puts me and our kids first.Has never treated me like that.When an addict is high they are not the same person when sober.My ex now will admit that he acted the way he did because I was the one who was always there and he thought I would never leave.He regrets it now but to late but of course he’s still the same.Went back to drugs and when he’s not high I’m the blame for everything but when he’s high and happy he will admit it’s his fault.Please don’t make the mistake I did and wSte years of your life fighting for someone that’s not fighting for you. Unfortunately love isn’t always enough and even though you are the one that’s had his back he’s not putting you first.He could be depressed and he might not be happy with his life sober and a big difference when you been high for awhile you see things differently.You should talk to him tell him what you want in your relationship and if he can’t or won’t do it move on.You can’t force someone to care bout you or to show you they do.They have to want to do it because they want to.
He sounds like a loser. I was married to one just like him. You’re not being supportive, you’re being used by a man-child
Hate to say it but put the tv towork for you throw in a porn
If you have to ask “should I leave him?”, you already know the answer
You say he went to rehab and is clean maybe and maybe not I have kids that are addicks they say they will change only for a little while then back to drugs me I would leave him and tell him that if he can change and love me the way that a person should be loved then yes give him a chance if not time for you to start a new life without him
When will people understand. Addicts dont change to what you want. But to whom they want to be that they can tolerate. Being a addict is a life time struggle its not a switch you can turn off and on. You need to work with what he can handle and not push him into what you want. They have to want them same goals as you. Right now he is trying to cope with life without the drug. You pushing him and can tell you most likely nag him about it. Hence why he hangs out with his friends instead of you. Grow up a relationship isnt just built on a sex life. There is way more to a marriage than just sex. Talk to him about what he wants not what you want him to turn into. If you love him you will understand and help him thru it. If ya dont might as well divorce him now because he is never going to be what you want him to be. Seems you need to educate yourself about addiction. If ya love him you would to understand what he is dealing with. Having sex clearly isn’t on his mind. Take a hint and stop nagging. Get educated about addiction. #wifeofaaddict of over 20 years.
How long has he been sober? How long was he using? These two things are key pieces of information. Was he popping pills at the house you currently live in? It could be he goes out because the house itself is a trigger, his brain is going through a major change and that effects the sex drive in huge ways. Maybe he’s ashamed of his past behavior and because you were there to witness it all he has to come to terms with the fact that you saw him at his lowest. Maybe he’s able to talk and hang out with his friends that weren’t “there for him” because they didn’t see the ins and outs of his addiction. Recovery is a long process, not just for the addict but their loved ones as well. While he is learning to live in a world sober again, and fighting his demons everyday, you have to realize he isn’t the same person he was before the addiction and certainly not during, and he may never be. He’s not worse, he’s not better, he’s just different. You need to talk to him, not fight, and calmly tell him your thoughts, he may see it entirely different. I always tell my kids your intentions isn’t someone else’s perception but together they are the reality.
If you don’t think you can handle the changes then leave for both of you. Don’t Stay out of obligation that will just lead to more issues.
HE IS NOT GOING TO STOP UNTIL HE CHOOSES TO DO SO! Drugs ruin people and families
Only you can make that choice. Ask him how he feels about your relationship and offer him an out.
If you want to stay and live like this…stay. If you want a better life…GO!
Go out make plans with friends do not invite him start by not giving him no attention and do for your self an your baby he should come to his sense is and if not it’s him not you then you will know he loves you but not in love with you
Couples therapy with someone well versed in addictions so they can help you both walk the sober path. It’s hard for him trying to stay clean and it’s hard for you being his support.
What’s love got to do with it #leave
Yeah that’s normally how people acted when they get out of rehab it takes them awhile to get back to their normal selves but go ahead and listen to the comments saying leave him
Marriage counceling, Seek a relationship with God. He will meet your needs.
U need to find u a man that will treat u like a queen in every way end of subject your better than that