Ive been with my man for 5 years we have a 1 year old baby girl . He was in rehab because he was doing pills he promised he would change and be better person , ever since he been out , we barely have sex , we don’t cuddle at night , he hasn’t said he loves me ,he don’t look at me the same anymore , I tried to be sexy the other night , he said not right now I am watching tv it’s to early to go to bed , umm wtff ? Before he usto get all excited for sex, he goes out all the time , when he needed he’s friends they were never there for him , but he always hangs out all the time with them , I’ve been there since day 1 supporting him, and he treats me like s*** , he don’t help me clean , always playing video games , he helps me financially, but idk what to do , should I leave him ? I do love him so much
it is very difficult to be comfortable in your own skin when coming off drugs. they numb and mask for so long you barely know who you are. its very hard to explain but for the people telling you to leave him are cold and have no compassion. depending on how long its been ( different for everyone) just give him some time to feel like i person again. He is going through alot of different emotions, just because he got out of rehab does not mean its over and done with he still has to deal with life outside of rehab he has to start over with himself the shame he probably has and what he has caused.
Ultimatum. Communicate with him and let him know your not going to stay in a relationship the way that it is. Listen to what he says. But yes, if he doesn’t change I would for sure leave.
A lot of people fresh out of recovery don’t feel comfortable in their own skin.
First of all let me tell you something that is the realest thing you’ll ever hear… You are in a relationship with an addict. I say that with no judgment. I am the mother of an addict. As long as you remain in this relationship you will function in the world of an addict. That includes everything you mentioned. Mood swings, lack of sex drive, laziness, anger and more is what you’ll deal with daily. He needs to seek out an NA meeting and find a sponsor. You need to ask yourself if you’re ready to live in this fight. You’ll be fighting for your daily peace, relationship and his sobriety. It’s alot of work & a lot of prayer. He will blame you sometimes and sometimes things will be good. In the end it still may not work out. So if you choose to head down this road do it out of love for your self & your baby girl, with no expectation other than supporting the father of your child and the man you love. This is not about your dignity and self worth or if he helps you financially. I read where you said he promised to stop. Mother to mother addiction does not work that way. You can’t promise, wish or threaten it away. Addiction is a demon, a tool of the enemy used to drive families apart. It takes more than one person can do alone & now you have to decide where you’re willing to go with this man. Just know that his addiction to pills is not and I repeat not a measure of how much you are loved or valued. People have used that line to try and manipulate addicts into quitting adding stress and pressure to their recovery. So again you need to know that deciding to stay with him through recovery is not the same as staying with him in his current state of aggravation. If you want change you have to require it. You have every right to require he do the work. He may choose to leave. That’s ok. You may decide this journey is not for you. That’s ok too. Just be honest with yourself & him. Don’t make him feel like shit to justify your decisions. Walk away if you need to but do it with compassion. Yall will be raising a daughter together for a lifetime.
Wow, there’s a lot of judgement and misunderstanding of addiction in these comments. Just because he’s out of rehab does not mean it’s all in the past. It’s going to be a lifelong struggle, and the first couple years after getting clean are the hardest. He’s going through a lot, trying to readjust and learn new and healthy coping mechanisms, rebuild relationships, and handle all the emotions he’s currently feeling. Not many people can stomach and push through sobering relationships, and it sounds like it’s not something you’re able to do. And that’s fine. But it’s also not fair for people to claim he’s a bad partner because he isn’t able to focus on the relationship because he has to focus on himself. He’s going to need friendships and other connections, and he’s probably being told by his sponsor to pull back from the relationship (recovering addicts are told to avoid serious relationships after rehab because they have to focus on themself). You need to decide what’s more important to you, having someone that can fully commit and be present 24/7, or pushing through because he’s who you want to be with. Because you won’t be able to get both for a small while, he won’t be capable of it. You need to either change your expectations and sit down and communicate with him, instead of stewing in silence, or decide that physical intimacy is more important and be honest with him. Because he won’t be able to do that for a while, recovering addicts can’t bring on that emotional baggage within a year of being sober. And unless you’re completely with yourself and him, it’s not fair to anyone.
Ma’am, just re-read your own post… you answered your own question ! It is up to YOU to decide how you want to be treated… not him. You deserve more, dont you think ?
Why do women let themselves be treated this way?
I am not saying there is anything wrong with the woman asking the question…but she should think of how she would feel if her sister, daughter, best friend were treated this way😪
Stop worrying about him. Your in a one sided relationship. Do What’s best for you and your child. He’s not going to change.
Do you even have to ask if you should leave it. Any man treated me like that would be gone. Don’t waste your life on relationships going nowhere. Respect yourself and find a man who appreciates you for you. Sounds like rehab was a no go for him. 
How long has he been clean? If it’s less than a year, he’s likely going through a lot of emotions and adjustments. His coping mechanism is gone and he’s having to reevaluate everything in his life and how to handle it without taking pills. That’s normal and part of the process. That doesn’t mean you have to stay with him if you’re unhappy. Typically, addicts are discouraged from being in serious relationships right after getting clean bc they need to focus on themselves to avoid relapse. It’s an unfair situation for you bc you have supported him all this time but you need to do what’s best for you and your child. Even if that means leaving him.
You can’t rescue a person who doesn’t want to be rescued. You need to think if the love you have for him isn’t being reciprocated then there is a high possibility he is just using you as a convenience as you are doing everything for him. Step away from doing stuff for him and If his demeanour changes towards you then the spark is still there. If not then it is time to let go and build a life for your child and you without him.
He may have an Erectile dysfunction and doesn’t want to disappoint you in the bedroom or even worse you use it against him and tell everyone he has ED.
Sounds like he wants a door mat.
Try to talk to him and if he won’t find someone that appreciates you
Why do you love him? He doesn’t help with the cleaning, doesn’t cuddle, is not interested in sex. He sounds depressed to me. Perhaps the pills were a way of self-medicating.
You have a one year old child, That has to be your priority. I suggest a conversation along the lines of the two of you can be friends, not lovers, until he gets some help. don’t abandon him, but don’t let him bring you down, either.
This will be a very hard boundary to set, but should you manage it, it will be a great life lesson, for you and your child.
Addiction sucks. I dealt with it for 9 years married. It’s a long hard road if you’re going to hang in there. He unfortunately will deal with this for life. Question is if you can handle that or not. Until he is clean and committed nothing will change. We are divorced and he went to rehab after that. Five years later we are civil with each other and the relationship with his kids are ok. Not great but ok. Trust your gut and good luck. It’s a process. 
Clearly there’s a lot of bitter ass women in these comments but that doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy, sounds like he’s just not into you anymore and that’s allowed. Talk to him, figure out how to move forward for both of you and your child.
Exactly what do you love about this inconsiderate human? Make a list. Then make another list of what you hate about him. Let the length of the lists be your answer.
Men on pain pills aka hydrocodone lose their sexual drive. If he is on methadone it may be doing the same? I know this to be true from experience. They go off of the pills and bam they are wanting it all the time. Let him find himself, is he drinking alcohol in excess? Is he cheating? It could be many problems of his. Don’t blame yourself. Hugz
Take your child and keep it moving. You’re asking for the right things from the wrong person.
I unrequited love destroys you in the end you will be just a doirmat a zombie get rid quick is my advice
Seek help together. Go to a therapist or even a church to get some help. Drugs have no place in a marriage unless they are to cure something. If he doesn’t want to change I would leave him.
He needs you more than you know,right now. You have to be pataint with him as he has a lot off issues to deal with. Why dont you at night time put your baby to bed and then sit there with him.
Say to your man i am gonna give him great big hug. If he ask say because your special to me or i love you or i am proud of ypu getting help. I am here if ypu need me to listen and i wont judge you.
Do not have a go at him.as this could make him feel worse. Maybe have a secret chat with his mates and see if they could help him. Most men dont talk about problems as they dont want you to worry. He needs to try and find out why he took what he did.what was he blotting out in his life .it will take time to recover from taking what is was rome wasnt built in a day. Just give him the odd reassurance by stroking hiz arm ,his back or head etc. Praise him .dont talk sex to him. As he needs hugs and let hom.hold his child say this little one wants her daddy etc.
What exactly do you love about him? People so often confuse living a person with loving the idea of the person or who they used to be. Sounds like he’s a roommate and not a significant other. He’s changed now, accept it and stop calling it love. Love yourself and expect to be treated the way you deserve
Your love is confusing you…If you don’t move him out he’s hasn’t any reason to change himself if he wants too for you & child… Ask him if this is what he would like for his daughter ,a man like he is ATM or someone that will be there communicating and making things work.
Leave. Him. You seem you like already know the answer, but yes, absolutely, most definitely leave him.
Being sober can be a lot of work. Being in a relationship is just as much work. He obviously can’t concentrate on both right now. If you feel that neglected, end the relationship and let him get himself together. If you’re available and interested when he gets it together, you might be able to try again.
This is what I asked my husband before he got his sh*t together, “If our daughter grew up and married a guy just like you, would you be proud of her and happy for her? If not, then shape up or get the f out of here”. Loving him means absolutely nothing, and I don’t mean that in a rude way. He needs to get himself right before he can be there 100% for you and the daughter y’all have. It will take time, but are you willing to wait for him to get there and put your daughter through that? I wasn’t willing to let my daughter be around it.
Doesn’t sound like a lot to love about the guy. Talk to him about how you feel. If he doesn’t care then stop wasting your time.
You should leave him and if he doesn’t help out financially afterwards you should apply for child support
Never ask people for advice about staying or leaving someone. You need to mentally make your own decision because if you’re not ready there will be no closure. You will know when your are ready to move on. Sometimes a partner gives 20% and the other gives 80%, sometimes 50 50 or sometimes 40% 60%….however some are red flags I would just sit back if you truly love him and still support him. If you do this and over a while he’s not changing you will then find your ready point.
Note…I’m not a counselor and I’ve been divorced 
I’m always amazed that women have babies first, THEN they start questioning if they should stay in the relationship. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Now that this baby is here, work it out with him! He seems to need some space to get his life together.
What makes you love him because he is either immature and unable to be a real man in love should feel or he does not feel what you feel. Good luck!
All yall do is think about sex 24/7 
let the man enjoy his video games he just got off the pills so maybe he going through a change and doing things differently now.
You love what used to be, not what is now. He may be annoyed or angry at everything right now, and that’s you too. I dont think I would wait much longer to go but if not improved soon I would go. Sounds like he doesnt like being sober
Why do women put up with this shit is beyond me. Really.
Have you ever watched the movie “when a man loves a woman” sometimes things change when someone gets sober, i hope he is sober…but and a big but, you dont deserve to be treated like he is treating you…sometimes peoples true colors come out when they are in recovery…sometimes they resent the people who want a great sober life for.them…but no.sweetie you need to make him leave if he isnt in this relationship for the greater good of his family. And it doesnt sound like he is.
You two needs counseling. However, don’t sell yourself short if he’s not for the relationship.
Addiction and then recovery can cause all sorts of depression as well as cause big changes within a relationship as far as sex goes. His brain was used to the drugs and if he’s still clean, the brain needs time to rewire itself so it’s creating dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins (all the happy chemicals) on it’s own again. Addiction rewires the brain and makes your brain dependent on those drugs to make the necessary chemicals and getting out of rehab doesn’t just make the brain all better. He’s seeing the world in a different way since being clean and he needs to relearn how to navigate the world as a sober man. They say when you get clean that you shouldn’t be in a relationship for at least a year so you can get yourself back to “normal” again. Now I’m not saying to leave him but he is going to need a little grace, mercy and understanding as he learns how to live without the dependency of drugs. It’s literally a whole new life that noone can understand unless they’ve been there themselves. Talk to him.amd give him one or two things that he needs to be responsible for, like maybe taking trash out and cleaning up the dishes. As far as the baby goes, have him in charge of getting the pj’s, diaper, bottle ready for bedtime. Have him sit with you and the baby and read a book. In the meantime, you could always find a support group for people that are in relationships with addicts.
Have you discussed this with him? I think it would be important to get straight from him what’s going on. It could be the product of not being on medications anymore. It could have messed with his sexuality drive. Try to be open and honest with him about your worries. But listen to him so you can look to find a solution! Good luck and I hope things get better! 
Get therapy together before you call it quits. Getting clean isn’t easy, which you know obviously, you watched him go through it. He might be struggling internally about something and can’t connect on that level.
Couples therapy. Maybe he needs a new way to communicate. People get into shit like pills so they don’t have to deal with their emotions, and maybe he’s having difficulty readjusting to his emotions with you.
This just happened to me doll. He’s cheating on you. Don’t wait around for him to tell you like I did. Took him 7 years. That’s 7 years of my life he wasted. Confront him, talk it out, or cut it off.
Depending what pills he was doing it’s a lot to deal coming back to reality and drugs can seriously mess with your body, libido , mental state of mind I think you should take sometime to talk to each other sometimes it takes alot for men to open up about what there feeling you both need to take each other feelings and get it all out there ask him what he wants and tell him what you want , men are not mind readers communication is key in relationships , he’s going through the motions and probably trying to find something new to fill that void he’s just created quiting the drugs , he is being unfair with going out all the time where he’s at risk of relapses but you have to understand he’s been locked up for duration of rehab and will want to spread his wings this process will take time but if you don’t start talking about how things are affecting both of you and what you want and need it won’t end well ,I hope things work out for you x
I think the writing is on the wall. Leave him and see if he tries for you. If he’s still doing drugs they do pull away from you, to keep you from catching on.
Any good rehab has support for family/ loved ones try contacting them or find a support group to help you navigate and help him.
Sounds like an arrangement not a relating connection. He is merely a financial utility. Let him know that your needs physically emotionally and sexually require fulfilling…and offer options. Specific sexy time dates…movie nights…date nights…
What is it about him that you love? He sounds like he has moved on from where you once were as a couple.
Reread what you wrote about him and ask yourself why you love him? Did someone else treat you like shit and you loved them? Do you think this is normal? See a therapist.
Things take a very long time to get better after recovery. If he isn’t already, insist he goes to therapy for sure.
What do you love? Open your eyes, be brave you deserve a better man, he’s not that into you
There is only one love, in the case of your man he love the pills. He cares about you, that’s it. Don’t fool yourself. It is not your foult. No matter what you do you will not convince him. Don’t blame yourself.
He may have found another addiction to replace the one he ‘lost’. My xh got off meth (before I met him) then slowly got back into weed, then food (that eventually required weight loss surgery) then painkillers then alcohol then one night stupidly went back to meth. That’s when I left. Our relationship had been a mess for years but that relapse was the final nail in the coffin.
You know the answer !! Why is it even a question ,run as fast as you can
Life is designed in such a manner that it best coincides with the strong as well as the wise. Chin up, and a stiff upper lip, as the British might say. First of all that past relationship in which you have yourself hoping for and fantasizing about that’s history. If you really love this man and intend to make a go of it, be it hell or high water, you must prepare yourself for an entirely, brand new reality. The first thing you are going to need to do is cut all the crap off at it source and have a real heart to heart with this man. Who knows, more than likely based off of your past he may continue to play games and deny you a mature response. It is going to take a real earth shaking plan to convince him that you are serious and committed to a new change (that is if you really are) after being so gullible for so long. Your man is without a doubt back to his old habits. He has lost respect for you because his addiction is his real, true and only love. More than likely you will have to look up a very qualified drug counselor, be completely honest with them, and follow their instructions to the tee. It is a good possibility that this situation may require, an intervention. It may also require you to make a hard decision to move on with your life, for the sake of your own well being as well as your child. Good luck, and blessings, because you’re going to need them.
You don’t say how long he’s been out. Otherwise I would say give it some time. Start doing things you want to do for yourself. Do be a servant to him. Get involved in daughter and me group. Don’t be so avaliable to him. Maybe not always hovering over him might help. Not that I think you do. But sometimes people want to help and the person might just need to figure it all out. But keep an eye out for red flags. If he’s starting up again or seeing someone else. Try to talk to him but don’t be pushy. If it’s been awhile you may want to decide what’s healthiest for you and your baby. Good luck.
It takes a while for that kind of stuff to go back to normal after getting sober. Give it some time. His blbrain and body is literally changing and it will have some effects in everyday life.
He’s not making an effort in the relationship and you deserve more. Time to move on.
You should be asking yourself WHY you love a man who treats you like garbage. Change the locks and let him find another place to live .
Why do you care about someone so much who treats you so poorly?
Its because there’s no drugs anymore they become a.differnt person that they do not even they recognise. It’ll never be the same your better of gone
He’s cheating, probably met some girl in rehab and is 13th stepping
Honestly if you’re asking strangers on fb if you should leave that’s a sign you should at least separate. Pill addicts never truly stay clean. I hate to say it but it’s like heroine addiction. He’s always going to be fucked up even when he’s not. If that’s something you can take the rest of your life then so be it but you’re already questioning whether you should stay. I dealt with pill poppers and they rarely ever change for the good once they’ve been hooked and even after they “sober up”. They never truly stay clean. They usually go from one addiction to another “sober” addiction like shopping, gaming, gambling, codependent outside relationships like with friends or family and never put their significant others first like it should be. And most the time when they’re off the stuff they are narcissistic af and always looking for their next “fix”. Good luck to you and yours. I really think the only kind of people who can handle being with pill poppers even after they sober up is either ex pill popper or pill poppers. They basically mirror each other and the only ones who can probably tolerate their odd behaviors long term
The firdt thlught I had was ‘Did something happen to him while in prison’?
Was he attacked against his will?
He may have caught something while in there?
Thats a very serious problem if it was?
I hope its not the case but you never know these days?
Either carry on as you are or leave. Doubt if he’ll change.
Depression is a bitch my opinion you can ask him to come back in 6 months after treatment. And talk. Don’t have to take him back just a trial period. If it seems like he is better.
Leave now. It likely won’t get better and he will probably never change.
Tell him goodbye and wait for the man that treats you and the baby like the royalty you are!
It either the pills he was on or he has another girlfriend
Yes you should leave him. Don’t let him keep making excuses. He’ll likely be as relieved as you.
Bye Felicia !
Key words : “ he treats me like shit “….
You want to be “shit” ???
Addiction and especially recovery can cause a lot of depression… The battle doesn’t end just cause he is out of rehab. He should still see someone on a regular basis and attend meetings… Sounds like he is suffering from his addiction/recovery…
What do you mean? You know what to do. Leave him, duh. Literally a no brainer
It never gets better…only worse.
Maybe you should take an English grammar class.
He’s just learning how to be sober, give him a little time.
It sounds like you love the idea of who he was before 
Counseling. Everyone, no matter the situation, can benefit from counseling. For you, for him, together.
Proly depressed maybe try expressing ur feelings in a letter to him
If he’s actually sober and it hasn’t been long since he’s gotten out of rehab he’s probably dealing with PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome) basically the lasting affects of what the drugs did to his brain. The brain is trying to rewire itself to start making those “happy feelings” again on its own. It can kill your sex drive, give you anxiety and depression, make you lose interest etc. if you love him, have some patience and compassion. If you don’t wanna deal with it then leave. Hopefully he’s still seeking some help outside of rehab or have a support system. Getting sober is fuckin hard man.
Cold and have no compassion wrongadvice to give talk to the police and see what they say
He might met someone while he was locked up. Starting with letters.
Get rid of him. enough is enough, you are a door mat.
Meds . He is on could be a downer
If you are asking these questions you already have your answers. If he doesn’t treat you with respect or care for you why are you still with him
What you allow will contine. I’d be packing his stuff or mine.
Honey,you need to kick him to the curb love doesnt pay the rent or buy you food.get a grip women your stonger tjen tjis to the curb.
I’m going to be honest, the spelling and grammar in this made it kind of rough. So hopefully I understood what you were asking.
Ultimately, if he is not an equal partner in the relationship then there is no relationship. You cannot love someone into a relationship or into being a better person. It sounds like he has some personal things going on, is not in the right mindset or a position to be in a committed relationship, and you should leave.
You need a heart to heart talk. Maybe twice. Tell him you need a planned time to just talk about everything so you’re on the same page. Then you’ll know if you are or what his fears are. Now that he went thru recovery he might need time to get back in place on a world he saw differently before rehab. Or, the time he spent away changed what he wants out of the relationship. Either way you won’t get there without scheduling a time slot to both be heard. Good luck however it pans out.
Leave him alot of other guys out there
How can he miss or appreciate what you do when you are always there for him? Get ready to be on your own then step away. If he comes for you then you will know if there is a possibility.
Have a conversation at a neutral time. Not when you’re upset, not when he’s upset. And tell him how you feel… See what he says. If he doesn’t seem bothered, clarify… “Okay, so you don’t want to be together? Because in order to be together, we’re going to have to work together to solve these problems.”
If he doesn’t want to put in the work, get out of there.
Walk away this is not going to change.
When he went to rehab was it because he got in trouble or did you give him the ultimatum He probably equates the dope to his fun or it was to cover up something that haunts him abuse or trauma from early childhood or teenage years . Dope stunts our intellectual growth if he has been doing them for years and then jad to stop hes salty about it and in all actuality he has forgotten that you can be happy and live a good life off of the dope he finds no joy in anything because he never learned to experience the true joy of life sober this is a by product of the dope life we manifest such a different reality of numbness masking covering up if our real reality of the bs we live within our boring ass lives because we cant get high because when we are high our bodys tingle and our sensory perception is enhanced as we think our inhibitions are gone so its naked and free in my little world which you were part of now its just himin the day to day grind the other thing is hes scared of intimacy just my opinion we are kindof dense that way being scared could be tied to trauma at am eary age as we had trouble dealing with it then and now good luck
I was advised by my son’s doctor that it would take probably two years of sobriety to rewire his brain. It’s been 18 months (14 months residential rehab and 4 months in sober house) and he just moved out of the sober house last weekend. I still worry. It was his 4th time in rehab but the first time he WANTED to go. I’ve been told the addict has to want it or it won’t work. It is hard.
Regarding this lady’s question: only you can decide- not a forum on Facebook- but I have known way too many women who stayed way too long in bad relationships because “I love him so much” or “I made vows”. Love-- real love, true love is mutual and reciprocal. Ask yourself things like: Does he love you like you love him? How does he show you that? Is your relationship a good example for your child to learn about love from? Is he in some kind of follow-up care/counseling? Change is hard. Good luck.
You have a man child
With the pills he probably got EDlook closer into it
The pills have been creating his happy chemicals. It will take a while for his brain to realize it needs to start reproducing. If you love him, give him time. I’ve been clean from pills for 2 years and it took me a good year to start feeling joy again.
If he’s in recovery, odds are he is prescribed something for mental illness or depression. When people are getting clean, doctors like to make sure they’re healthy in all ways to facilitate a desire to remain sober.
Mental health medications affect the sex drive as well as emotional responses. Making the person appear to be less interested.
Might be something to consider before yelling or issuing ultimatums.