What to do about neighbors who are going through domestic violence?

Cops are useless mind your own damn business :unamused: if sheā€™s tired of it she will do something to change it if not oh well not much you can do. I can tell you people do get loud so stop being a cop caller before they red flag you.

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Keep trying! Showing her that someone is willing to fight for her and keep fighting is what is gonna help her confidence that she can leave and help herself!
#personalexperience

So to be homest I was in a 5 year long relationship I didnā€™t listen to any one when they said he was shit I was physically abused ot took him putting my child in danger to be honest send little gift baskets slide a note into something u think she like simply saying hey girl I love that r kids play my number is this and sooner or later she will reach out

yep& callin the police usually makes the situation worse. There are other resources such as the womens community that she could benefit much greater from. Wait for the husband to leave and offer her advice. You have no idea what their situation is , what if he is a pimp or has major issues and you end up in something bigger than what you expectedā€¦

All you women saying mind your own business need to maybe think of it from another perspective. What if that woman is looking for an out but because it might be an abusive situation, sheā€™s scared. Most of these situations it can take years and YEARS for a victim of abuse to work up the courage to leave. Itā€™s not just physical but mental as well. Think of all stories youā€™ve heard of survivors and victims of domestic violence. Never stop trying to reach out a hand. Never stop trying to help because when itā€™s too late, youā€™ll regret not trying to help.

That being said, try to befriend her. She might need a safe person or space. Try to be that.

Maybe you should try talking to her ā€¦

Iā€™ve called the police before on a neighbor. When I lived in an apartment. The lady was screaming for someone to call 911. And they arrested the guy. And I found out later she had a newborn. But later she went and got the guy from jail. So. I dont know what advice to give. But at least you are there if she needs help. Pray she finds strength and wisdom to leave her abuser.

Let her know your there if she needs to call for help.

Donā€™t all CPS. Domestic violence does call for removal of children until the situation is figured out. At least in my state thatā€™s how it is. Try to befriend her. Even if sheā€™s awkward about it or doesnā€™t seem like sheā€™s accepting it. Invite the boy for play dates. Invite her for dinner. Take her cookies or brownies or small casseroles, etc. Earn that trust. Sheā€™ll open up to you. Make it known your door will always be open for her and her boy. Good luck, Iā€™ve lived through this and all I needed was a friend. Thatā€™s all she needs right now is a friend

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I went thew this my ex tried to kill me with a crawl bar and heā€™s car back in to my belly and killed my unborn baby and cop didnā€™t do anything force me to stand in my own kitchen and allowed him to come into my home and go thew my home and then allowed him to come back several times do no cops donā€™t care at all they want do anything so donā€™t waste your time calling them ā€¦ he never lived here so . They donā€™t protect and serve . Itā€™s sd when they take an oath to do do and they donā€™t :person_shrugging::sob:I donā€™t trust them any more . Try something else besides that ā€¦ go to see her asked does she want help . Good luck

Keep calling the cops when you hear. And he donā€™t even know if anythingā€™s happening to the kids so leave CPS out of it.

U want her to get kicked out? Lol wtf

Keep calling the police every time, the more you do it the more chance there will be that one day she will take the help. It can take a long time to make the jump to leave but if you keep calling it could give her the confidence sooner. Iā€™d have liked to have a neighbour like you around when I was growing up, it could have saved alot of my tearsā€¦
The attitude of ā€˜itā€™s not my place to sayā€™ needs to stop, itā€™s exactly that view that allows abuse to carry on. If you see it, say something.

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The thing with calling the cops is that if she tells them nothing is going on or that she doesnā€™t want to press charges or leave then there is nothing they can do. Also in most cases of domestic violence when the cops are called the men abusing the women wonā€™t let them out of their site or let them talk to the cops. It could also escalate the violence for her depending on how unstable the guy is. Calling CPS yields about the same response if they donā€™t see any danger to the kid and the mom is claiming she just fell down there isnā€™t anything they can do and the kid will be left in the environment. Cps has to have proof the kid is in danger and the cops generally need someone to press charges. I do think you should continue to try to help her but maybe there is another way to go about it. She might not want help at all which is something to consider.

The Mary Kay Foundation has compacts with domestic violence hotlines on the inside. Look them up and give them a call on what to do. Fighting domestic violence is one of the big things they fund

100% keep calling the policeā€¦
If thatā€™s all you can do to help this poor woman then I say bloody well do it!
Personally Iā€™d have no issue knocking on the door myself and asking if she is alright but I donā€™t expect everyone to have that attitude especially a woman etc.
If its really at the point you are thinking of calling cps I donā€™t think that would be a bad idea either.
They do ALOT to work with and help families these days and removing the child is never the first go to (unless they see utter neglect or a very dangerous environment)
Gauge the situation like it seems you are and take best course of action. Even if you feel that CPS is the way to go. Better that then it turning real nasty and finding out heā€™s done something worse to her or the poor kid

as a CPS Worker, we can actually find out more information then the police.

let them know when the husband is not in the house so they know when to go there. they will offer DV services and possible shelter for mom and child if she is forth coming. The CPS worker should be able to get all the police reports that were filed

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Keep calling, if by chance she does get the courage to leave then there will be a paper trail against him. Unfortunately you canā€™t make someone do whatā€™s best for themselves. A lot of women feel trapped and that they have to stay with an abusive partner because of finances or physical threats. All you can do is keep calling the cops. Keep praying for her and her son.

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Convince her to go to a shelter with kids where she can get the legal and emotional help she needs away from the threat of abuser. She needs to have a plan to leave as most deaths accrue in the act of leaving.

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If there is domestic violence occurring then it could be a potentially very dangerous situation. You are not equipped to deal with that. Encourage the woman to go to a domestic abuse organization and get help that will keep her safe and they will stay with her through out the whole process and after. My best friend was murdered by her husband within 24 hours of him getting out of jail on domestic abuse charges. He left her dead, beaten body for his three children to find. These people are sick and dangerous :frowning: be careful

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As Someone Who LIVED THAT In my 18 year marriage and got out, I am afraid I couldnā€™t listen to what you are hearing because I would have flashbacks and be traumatized by just what I HEARD. I would try to talk to her. She may well Deny that anything is going on :broken_heart::pleading_face:. In my case I would most likely have to CALL police Continuously or Move. This is tough and Also dangerous

Even without bringing it up to her, just becoming friendly will give her a hope for help and if needed she will come to you about it

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Clearly they are hiding the fact of the domestic situation.
The woman isnā€™t strong enough to feel as if she can raise the child on her own so she stays. Shes scared of what happens next if she leaves. He may have threatened her in some sort of wayā€¦ usually its heā€™ll kill her if she leaves or takes the child.
The more times you call cops the less likely they will come out. Especially if they arenā€™t answering the door.
You must be friends with her if all possible to help her leave on her own. She wont just do it.
Get all the resources for her and give her options that she may not know she has. Not in writing however. If he finds it, it will be worse on her.
We have to consider her child however. If that baby gets hurt thatā€™s a whole new ballgame.
CPS would need a call if you think the child got hurt after calling the police. But you want to know for certain however.
CPS will not take child if mom complies. If he happens to go to jail that will be a great way of getting her the help she needs.
You already tried helping. Your hands are tied at the moment. Just make sure that child isnā€™t got bruises on them.
One day they may continue fighting outside. That maybe the time to call police then dcfs. They will not take the child unless they find a reason too.
Ultimately it will be the woman standing her ground for the sake of her child.

Donā€™t give up on her xoxo She needs someone anyone whom she can count on even if sheā€™s not interested in anything xoxo Most are in denial about their situation or feeling trapped with no way out xoxo Look for reasons and opportunities to interact with her and her child xoxo Even if she reject you or push you away xoxo A guardian angel is what she needs right now even if your offer of friendship might get rejected xoxo Hang in there xoxo If the situation was reverse you would want a guardian angel in your corner too xoxo

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Honestly reporting it all the time probably just makes it worse for her, cps would be a devastating blow to her and make her feel even more alone and unloved as her kid is likely the only one in her life she feels sees her as a worthy person. Better off becoming friends through play dates with the kids so she has someone to turn to as sounds like at moment she does not

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I often wondered what my neighbors thought was going on when my husband and I were in our first apartment. I yell ā€œget off meā€ and such when Iā€™m being tickled. Hopefully itā€™s something just as innocent. :crossed_fingers: But then again, you did say you hear crying. Sigh. :weary:

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Thank you for caring about her. Writing a note to her about a play date is a fantastic idea from down below and hopefully you can get her on her own and let her know your there, donā€™t be ashamed and also if she needs help you are absolutely there to help, you could also look up local resources ready for this conversation but donā€™t push her, domestic violence is a crazy place to be itā€™s like being brain washed you donā€™t know whatā€™s right or wrong or who to trust at all. Failing that I would tell the police whatā€™s going on, that itā€™s domestic violence and there is a child involved and is there more they can do to help, they will be the ones to contact cps and get this lady the help she needs and deserves :heart:

If your concerned then keep calling the police ā€¦ and maybe try to talk to her when you get a chance ā€¦ but she may not want help , and thereā€™s only so much you can do .

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Youā€™re definitely doing the right thing, sheā€™s probably too scared to say anything to the police and it sounds like her partner is extremely controlling. Itā€™s a very sad situation for her and her little boy.

Iā€™m going thru this with my sister right now. The thing is most DV victims are too scared to speak up, or donā€™t tell the truth because of the manipulation their abuser puts them thru. CPS is currently involved in my sisters life, and they unfortunately havenā€™t done anything because my sister wonā€™t tell the truth about it. They have also scared the kids so they wonā€™t tell the truth either. I recommend continuing to call the cops every single time. Track record for it something weā€™re to happen. Rather be safe than sorry. If something were to happen and you didnā€™t speak up, youā€™d never let yourself live it down.

Weā€™ve heard this story before. And have seen the murders that happen daily. To be this observant and detailed is either genuine concern or hypervigilant.

My sister tolerated this DV bullshit until the day my In-Law died of scirrosis. It IS a choice and many will chose to stay.

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Keep calling the police. Unfortunately when you are being abused and your abuser is standing right there itā€™s impossible to speak up and admit that you need help-trust me the fear alone will make you clam up! With enough calls the police have a higher chance of showing up when she has fresh marks on her and then they can step in,or eventually the right officer will take the call and reach out to her when her husband is not around. I truly wish that just one of my neighbors had called the police,especially when I was screaming for help! :sob::purple_heart:

Do NOT befriend her. It may put you in danger with the husband.

Call CPS. They will sort it out, look for bruises, talk to dozens of peopleā€¦.

Please keep a diary of every time this happens. No doubt one day it will come in useful as evidence of what has been happening. Be very careful about getting too involved, if you have a young family you do not want this violence extended to your household.

Id keep calling no reason why the police leave so easily! Tell them on dispatch whats going on when your calling and that youā€™ve called so many other times and nothing has happ

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Try to make friends with her. Take her a cake or something when her husband isnā€™t home. Let her know youā€™re there if she would like to talk.

I would wait until the boyfriend/husband leaves and then try to talk to her. Tell her others have heard what happens at night and you guys are concerned. If she acts weird then most likely that is whatā€™s happening. If she gets offensive then apologize and just say hey Iā€™ve been there, i know what itā€™s like, I was just concerned because I live right above you and can hear everything. If she is still hesitant, simply tell her to come to your door or call you if she EVER needs ANYTHING. Let her know she has a safe haven and that you will help protect her if she needs help. Some women have a very very hard time leaving those situations. Pay attention to new and old bruises on her body, if sheā€™s wearing sunglasses on cloudy days, or sweatpants and long sleeves on hot days, document everything. Keep calling the police, but do it AFTER HE LEAVES. She would probably talk more then if something is going on. If something is going on, atleast you have things documented for her should she need them.

I wouldnt call CPS unless the kid is in deaths way. CPS can be worse you can take him out of a bad home too put him in a worse one. Best is to keep watching her as long as you can hear whats going on then everyone is involved they made it public by being so loud that its stressing your pregnancy out thats not okay. I would call the cops until they realize this person could be killed in their home or holding a hostage.

Domestic violence can be and is deadly. It takes less than a second for someone to lose their lives in domestic violence. A second that we can never get back. Keep making that call to the cops, it could be that one call saves her life. My heart goes out in a situation of domestic violence especially when a child or children is involved. Always remember Dr Phil said itā€™s better to come from a broken family than to live in one. Thank you thank you so much for being that one person that doesnā€™t turn away or look away when you feel something is not right. As I stated it takes less than a second for someone to lose their life in domestic violence. Your neighbor is truly blessed to have you for a neighbor. GOD BLESS YOU

Record it and keep calling the cops. Cops wonā€™t come without evidence.
This happened to me. Neighbors beneath me too. Cope came and they were let in numerous times.
Itā€™s worth it to make sure sheā€™s safe!

Absolutely keep calling the cops every night till they come and arrest him. You may be saving a life.

I would say keep calling police anytime you hear something bad, because you could be saving her life any one of those times. Keep it anonymous, no matter whatā€¦If you are pregnant, who knows what heā€™d do to you if he knew. Try to befriend herā€¦play dates, or just light small talk when heā€™s not around and you see her. Pass notes. Donā€™t try when he is around, because he may notice someone is taking interest in her and try to keep it from happening. The most important thing you can do right now without any proof, is to make her feel like a person (it matters greatly) and try to get her to trust youā€¦even if she gets angry keep gently trying. She may be very scared that someone would tell her boyfriend that she has someone to talk toā€¦so donā€™t take anything personally. Her self esteem might be very low, even if she puts on a good show. Document everything you see and hear, and if she comes forward to youā€¦try to do anything you can to help herā€¦without putting yourself at risk. The most important is just letting her know you are there for her and she must not give up hope. Just get her to trust you and open to you first, because of your own safety. Risking it just being an awkward situation is better than a life lost.

Keep calling and start recording what you hear and documenting time and dates.

The bottom line is that you cannot help someone who is not ready for help. If in fact, this person is violent and he gets wind of it, it could become a problem for you. If you call child protective services, itā€™s entirely possible they will not be able to do anything other than aggravate the situation. If you see evidence of injury to the child report that. Most times the injuries are not visible. Even though you feel this person needs your help, she may not want it. Rather than give her your phone number give her the number of a woman and childrenā€™s shelter. They will help her plan to leave if that is what she wants to do. Be careful.

CPS wonā€™t do anything. Been there, done that.
My daughter was going through this, and no matter how many reports you make, or how often you call police, if she says things are fineā€¦ they leave.
Nothing will happen until sheā€™s had enough.

Call the police thatā€™s what I did because the woman sounded like she was in a dangerous situation and the police showed up very quickly, bless them

Since she doesnā€™t leave without her husband a lot maybe try to run into her doing her laundry. If you guys share a laundry room. You could just knock on her door and ask her if she wants a girls night or help you decorate/paint the new babies room something like that.

Itā€™s hard but stay out of other peopleā€™s marriage they can sue you for breaking up their marriage

CPS cant do anything you would think police could but no they dont have any resources either especially now during covid theres nothing unless you can go to a friends or family to stay

I used to hear my old neighbors, fight. I wanted to call the cops, but I didnā€™t. Later found out drugs might have been involved. And then when it happened to me, nobody called for me. No matter how much I wished it. Also. If they do get called, I was told, in a domestic situation with a child (WI) one person has to go to jail.

He used to take ā€œtriple cā€™sā€ drink a 211 and black out. Or just get drunk. Turns out he never faced his childhood shit. And now that we had a baby on the way, it was coming out. Thereā€™s other stuff he blames me for. Butā€¦ he was grabbing me by my hair. Sitting on top of me, hitting me. All while I was 8 months pregnant. And I was scared. Yeah, it would have been sooooo much easier to leave him then. But I didnā€™t know how. I wish I knew then what I know now.

He could have a personality thatā€™s night and day. And even if you call cps, you might make it worse for her.

The very last time he laid his hands on me so violently, I had used the emergency feature on my phone and kept them on the line, he kept trying to get in my face while I was holding our 1 year old. He got arrested. Spent the night in jail. That was 5 years ago.

Idk. You can do everything you can think of, but if sheā€™s like me, she wonā€™t be ready, and she will very convincingly make everyone else believe sheā€™s fine.

You should mind your own business and not try to get someoneā€™s child taken when you DONT know whatā€™s going on for sure. You can call the cops, but thatā€™s pointless too unless she wants to seek out help.

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Calling the cops is a double edged sword bc it could make it worse for her. Id call cfs.

Get a recording and so the cops have some hard evidence

Not much you can do. Youll be the enemy to both of them when he finally goes to jail though

As someone that CPS labeled as a neglectful parent for trying to leave a domestic violence relationshipā€¦ fuck them

Thank you for calling the cops. Someone just like you helped save my life. Please dont ever feel like youre a bother. :pray:t3:

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Stop calling the cops, they make more problems.

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The ywca is a good source for help in schenectady

Keep calling! I wish someone would have called the cops for me at least once

Keep calling hopefully one day she gets the courage to get out .

Keep calling the police
Call cps if you have to, youā€™ll just need to know their names and an accurate address.

You are an awesome neighborā€¦please call cpsā€¦or go to Social Services to seek help

Call the police let them handle itā€¦cas u could get caught up in some stuff u donā€™t want to be in

The best thing you can do is call the police when itā€™s ax silly happening, and keep CPS out of it. Start researching victims resources centers, Marjoree Mason, print out resources and hand them to her at the park when you see her then walk away.

None of you know the details so stop offering terrible advice

As a woman who just fled my abuser 10 days ago with my children - every time the neighbors called the police I heavily paid the price! You think you are helping but you are not ! My god you have no idea what you are doing - each time you called the police , that woman paid a price !

You canā€™t help anyone unless they want to also help themselvesā€¦ Iā€™ve tried to help in these situations and always ended up with the woman going back or staying with that abuserā€¦ Itā€™s the same with addictsā€¦ You canā€™t help them unless they actually want it.

Keep calling but be aware until it feels safe to leave its going to be hard for this woman to do. Put a lost of places to go that can feel safe perhaps that will help

It like pisses me off when women stay with men like this like I donā€™t understand it at all if you have self-love for yourself why even stay with somebody who abuses you to begin with just go keep yourself single until someone comes along that deserves you the first sign of abuse you leave that person will do everything in their power to get you back including going to counseling and getting help if they truly love you and want to be with you. Honestly I would rather show him how strong of a person iam then stay in an abusive relationship and tell people that Iā€™m OK being treated like that because that is absolutely what youā€™re saying when you stay. not going to happen over here. Love is not abuse it will never be abuse if you feel loved when youā€™re abused then you need to get help as well

start recording & then start looking for a new place to live OR buy an air horn & when you hear a rucus- blast it @ the floor - if they can hear that, then theyā€™ll know you can hear them ~

Leave notes with phone numbers for help lines, call the police the next time.

Never stop calling the police. Never. One day she will get away.

I lived in the upstairs of an old divided house, so no sound insulation, and I never had a problem with my neighbor downstairs. Well, he went bonkers and was harassing the landlord to let him buy the house, was doing repairs without asking and then trying to get them to pay him for it (they would pay him to do repairs,) and then two others and I were witness to him raping his much younger girlfriend. After I called the cops that night, he started getting really creepy watching me out the windows when I would come home from work after dark. I know that he knew I called the cops because we lived in a very quiet, dead-end corner of a small town, and no one else wouldā€™ve been able to hear the noise. He got evicted and this CRAZY lady and her boyfriend moved in with her 5 yo son. She was CRAZY abusive, absolutely terrible mother. I called CPS on multiple occasions and was always listening and taking notes on the horrible things she said and did to him. Well, then she started coming after me, threatening me violence and screaming at me from downstairs for ā€œbeing too loudā€ while I walked on eggshells, terrified to agitate her. I had moved there right after highschool out of an abusive home, and it took me several months after I moved out to finally feel safe and comfortable in my new apartment.

Someone I knew from work moved in after me amd we kept in contact. She continued to call CPS after I left, and my landlord finally evicted them in April after they lifted the eviction moratorium. It was really, really bad. All I wanted was to get that little boy away from her. We tried so hard. There are a lot of details that make this story even crazier, but itā€™s too much to share here.

I would try recording what is going on if you canā€¦or write it downā€¦call the policeā€¦and let them know it is happening once againā€¦She does need to get some protectionā€¦and there are places women can go with their children when they are in crisisā€¦but you do not know everything that is going onā€¦Find out your nearest Womenā€™s Crisis centerā€¦hotlineā€¦and call them and ask them for adviceā€¦She might need to go there sometime suddenlyā€¦I can remember years agoā€¦at a YWCAā€¦a man came roaring in wanting his wifeā€¦and the lady at the desk said she was not thereā€¦and called the police to comeā€¦He ranted and yelledā€¦but she stood her groundā€¦There were women staying in rooms on the first floorā€¦They rented themā€¦But there were women upstairs with children who were there because of abuseā€¦and his wife was one of themā€¦So give her the informationā€¦but keep trackā€¦and tell the police it is going on againā€¦Some CPS people are great and some are notā€¦But she should never stay in a bad situation where she has a child who sees thatā€¦or who could get hurt while she gets hurtā€¦nothing good comes from abuseā€¦

My ex husband used to say we should mind our own business when neghbour was getting knocked about by her partner. One day she knocked and asked me if I would please call the police when I heard anything because she was petrified he would kill her if she called. I also had a friend, when we were younger, in a DV relationship who called me and when I arrived said she wasnā€™t ready to leave him and sheā€™d let me know when she changed her mind - in that scenario I think she enjoyed the drama but not the punches. Reach out to your neghbour as if nothing and see if she confides. Maybe ask other neighbours if they hear anything and if they know where itā€™s coming from so itā€™s not all on you. Other neghbours may also know a bit more about the coupleā€¦

Maybe try talking to her when he isnt there. Itā€™s not really a cops job to deal with that. Cops arent equipped for that anyway. They lack training and deescalation techniques for a variety of reasons but the main reason is because itā€™s literally not their job to deal with that. If someone presses charges or is a known felon, then theyā€™ll maybe have some jurisdiction but otherwiseā€¦

If you care then Iā€™d find a way to reach out to her. Let her come and have a safe space where her mind can have time to process everything and actually function beyond survival mode.

If youā€™re just calling the cops cause youā€™re annoyed that theyā€™re being loud, then bug off. The cops are gonna get as annoyed with you and youā€™re making a bad situation worse for the victim.

Tape the violence from your apartment and play it for the police and the manager. No one needs this noise

Recording The Abuse and Show it Police for proof

Just keep calling the cops. Donā€™t try to get her out yourself and put yourself in danger. Take it from someone who went through this. DO NOT PHYSICALLY INVOLVE YOURSELF!

You call the police. And then you call them again.

Very difficult situation

How about Mind Your Fucking Business? NOBODY likes having the cops called on them. And Youā€™re not even sure WHAT is going on there. Calling the Cops and Cps is COMPLETELY crossing Boundaries. LEAVE THAT POOR WOMAN ALONE. Youā€™re also teaching your children that being a Cop Caller is OK. IT IS NOT. If I was that woman, and found out You, my neighbor, has been Calling the cops on me, Iā€™d beat your ass because of Principle.
If that Womam is having domestic problems, you have probably made it 100x worse by Calling the Cops.
MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.

Mind your own business. You will be the person who they kill, together

Contact Property Management

Jake Rossā€¦ any advise?