Why are you going through his phone?
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Heās your son, just talk to him about how sexting isnāt smart. You know your child better than anyone okay? So you know how to go about this, you just donāt have the confidence to do so. You got this Mama. Tell him how you feel, what you know, the possibilities of what could happen, and take away the phone for now. Btw, make sure he knows he can come to you if he needs protection. Good luck Mama.
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Have a discussion about protection, consent and respect.
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First take away the phone. Maybe get him an older mentor that is Cool. Like a high school senior that has his head on straight that your son Idolizes. Sometimes positive peer influence is a great help.
Oneā¦ I find it messed up that you invade his privacy by going through his phone all the time. If you were sexting your husband would you want your kid going through it and see what yāall are saying?
Twoā¦ boys are boys. Let him do what he wants with his own body. Just reach him to be smart about it.
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You donāt punish for shit like that. And you donāt invade your kids privacy, not at that age. You need to stop doing that before you create a relationship with him where he will begin deleting everything and not telling you anything. You need to build trust with him so he comes to you when he needs things, not you snoop ans find shit. Heās a kid, not your partner. Give him the necessary tools to keep both himself and her safe, and thatās the best you can do.
It is really up to you. In my town there was an incident where high school students were sending nudes to eachother the school found out and several teenagers got in legal trouble for having child pornography
if you donāt educate and stop being weird about it youāre gonna have issues
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Stop going through your kidās phone. Everyone needs privacy. I would have been so horrified if my mom spied on me like that.
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Iāve had very frank discussions with my girls about the real life consequences of sending inappropriate picsā¦both legally and the fact that theyāll immediately be given a flip phone for the foreseeable future.
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How did you know they did it over video chat?? Itās a normal thing to be curious or start doing things at that age, best to not hide it because heāll still do it anyway so be smart about it and sit down explain it to him and give him condoms or whateverā¦ heās more likely to get someone knocked up if you try stop him because heāll hide it from you and he wonāt know what heās doing or how to protect himself.
Youāre going to push him away by constantly going through his phone too, sounds like youāre one of those control freak mothers that canāt accept her kid is growing upā¦ just know that if you keep going about it like that he will just keep rebelling
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Then teach him the safety
And what happens if heās not safe
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That is too long of. A punishment. Address that his phone was open and you suspected he wanted to talk. Listen. Definitly address condones and your beliefs and the medical and legal issues. Girls need to show him Iād and he needs to take a picture
Yes normal but too young to safely have sex
Take all his electronics away and if you know the girl let her parents know.
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This is all very normal.
The more you push back the more he will try and hide things from you so just be open and upfront with him and set some ground rules.
Heās going to sext with girls whether you like it or not.
Stop going through his bloody phone
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PRIVACY!!! He is 13 not 5. He would be so angry with you and not to mention broken trustā¦ he is a growing child with hormones who will be doing those things whether you like it or not.
Your a good mum but donāt go through his things, I hated it when my parents went through my things, I felt like I couldnāt trust them with anything or tell them about anything.
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Hell. Kids gone be kids. Ino its scary as they hit these teen years im dreading my almost 11yr old growing up but its gta happen. And i dont personally think shaming him, grounding him, taking away the electronics etc is the right thing. Hell could you imagine the shame and embarrassment if your parents did. Not to mention they would feel angry and reclusive towards you. Me personally i would have a quiet one on one with my kid and talk about the potential risks in what they are doing. Eg do they really know the person theyre communicating with. And also he could get in trouble with this girls family. Pedos are everywhere it could b a catfish. And also when something is sent to someone its on the internet forever especially if the pics or videos are sent on to others.
Anyway what hes doing is normal, i would just chat with him and let him know even when its embarrassing if he has questions or needs to tell you something that he can come to you x x
Goodluck mama 
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If my kid had a phone Iād go through it , theirs no such thing as privacy at that age with parents once the kid moves out then talk about privacy. You need to talk to him about it and talk about how this isnāt appropriate and if he still continues You need to confiscate his phone too you know ?
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Is there a man in the family that can speak with him on these things?. Also be careful about the vapeing thing. Sometimes itās weed. And there was a school close by that a kid had fyntenal in his !nit sure If he knew it but killed two and several went to hospital. Yes! Thatās happening. Sneaking it into someoneās vapeā¦
Talk to the school Counselor ā¦
Be honest but NOT judgmental ā¦
LOVE him and let him know how much you care ā¦
Spend time with him - a pizza + movie (NETFLIX) at home maybe?
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Talk to him and buy him condoms if you think he is sexually active
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Take away ALL electronic privilegesā¦ phone, TV, tablet, computer, etc!!! Take away all freedom he may have except going to school and coming home. Thatās it. YOU are the PARENT. Not his friend. YOU have every right to go through his phone and no one should be telling you any different. As the ADULT and PARENTā¦ Take control until he can PROVE himself to you. When he shows maturity, grant him ONE thing back and slowly go from there. If he does this crap againā¦ take it all away!
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My 17 yr old doesnāt have a phone.
If heās in sports then only give the phone then.
If heās grounded why does he still have a phone?
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If you take away his phone he could find other ways to do ā¦ also just keep in mind. Just try and talk to him.
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Just talk to him about being very safe . If thatās where heās at thatās where heās at and thereās no going back . But going forward he needs to be taught how to be safe , smart , respectful, and understanding of girls .
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He is a teen boy! This stuff is going to happen! The girl was obviously a second party and agreed to this so in my opinion heās not doing anything wrong. If he was being disrespectful and pushing things then yeah sure punish him. He is going to lose all trust with you and do these things in person if you keep it up. We canāt avoid our children from having sex or sexting others so instead of belittling him you should educate him. Sit down and have a talk about how these feelings are normal and the girl must always give consent, and also explain the risks and possible teen pregnancies. He is going to do what he wants when it comes to HIS body. So just be someone to talk to if he has questions or just wants to talk.
Sex educationā¦ Teach him precautions, condoms and sex safety also about stdsā¦ Usually a few medical photos on how gential warts or herpes looks like are pretty effective!! I try to be as open and honest as possible with my children and just hope when they make the choice to become sexually active theyāre at least going to use protection
Military school boys only
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You need to get that boy under control. If he was caught vaping why does he even have a phone? Seriously. Heās going to be trouble if you donāt get him under control now.
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Maybe you should take the time to get to know your son and see where heās at ?
Youāre all the same 
blame the kid when you probably havenāt even bothered to educate him. Well thatās how it sounds
Go be a mum to your kid and ask him what the bloody heck.
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Iād be concerned about the girlās parents finding out and filing charges against him. Sexting among teens can bring charges of solicitation of children or possession of child pornography if the girl shares nude photos with him and itās on his phone.
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Itās normal and maybe itās time to stop going through his phone
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Heās 13. Heās going through it. Sit him down and talk with him. Make sure he knows the birds and bees. Remember when you were that age. You donāt want to embarrass him
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The fact you go through his phone is awful and teenage boys have hormones
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Do NOT talk to the school counselor. That will make him a target and you donāt want that. Talk to him and tell him itās not appropriate and take his phone.
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You are absolutely correct for going through his phone! Parents are 
responsible for any of childrenās actions. Heās already been in trouble. Smoking and fighting is alarming at 13. He will absolutely find a way to communicate with his phone, However, he should not have his own phone. He is making really bad choices and it sounds like something is going on in his life that is causing this behavior. Get him in therapy before he gets much older.
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punishing someone for MONTHS is what is ALARMING to me
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Masturbating is what i assume you mean by the first line but i could be wrong. Masturbating is totally normal. The sexting i wanna say is bad but honestly i did at 13 but didnt actually try anything with a boy or girl till i was 16. Id say normal but depends on the actual conversation. Good opportunity to have the sex talk if you havent already, talk about the mechanics, how porn is unrealistic, the realistic possible consequences of doing it too young, STDs, hurt feelings and of course pregnancy. Try to be as educational as possible rather than āthis is my house and you wont dissapoint meā type of thing. My mom grounded me, took everything away and basically implied i was a slut when she found my messages the first time and it completely backfired. I wasnt educated enough and she basically banned me from seeing said boy and due to that and me failing one class pulled me out of school even and enrolled me in a lutheran school. Which actually made me be around all the things she was trying to avoid more and ruined my trust with her and to this day its a rough relationship. My aunt had the realistic talk with me about it, took me to get BC pills and condoms from planned parenthood and made it known she would never be dissapointed in me over stuff like that, made sure i understood consent and the mechanics and BC and everything and made sure i knew she was an open ear or shoulder to cry on if i ever needed it. To this day i talk to her more openly about everything and there were several times in high school where i showed up at her house and we talked or she helped me as best as she could. I still did things i regret and had situations i couldve avoided i think if my mom had been more trusting and open and less judgemental with me about it. As for the vaping and fighting, i cant say much i got into a few fights in high school, luckily never got caught but it was mostly due to being bullied and having enough. Talk about why the fight occured, if he was the aggressor or the victim, why violence isnt the solution, but standing up for themselves is, but make sure bullying isnt a factor cuz most kids wont admit theyre being picked on. As for vaping, again cant say much because i vape but id just explain how addictive nicotine can be especially when the brain isnt fully developed and how expensive of a habit it truly does make. I know a lot of highschoolers vape now so maybe try to see if he feels pressured to to fit in or if he has some reason he feels he needs a habitual outlet like that and go from there to find a healthier alternative. After the way i grew up ive researched a lot into parenting styles, trauma, etc and found that the authoritative militant parenting or "my house, my rules, zero privacy or trust, and spouting rules without getting to the root of the behavior rarely makes healthy, balanced kids without trust issues or trauma. Not saying thats what youre doing at all since i dont know you personally, just giving you some perspective on someone who grew up with zero privacy, or trust and the militant authoritative āyou do thing my way or elseā without open communication and it still affects me to this day and im 26 now. I understand the worry and frustration but i promise you opening up to him about your own experiences at his age or dads experiences and trying to find the root of whats going on will go a long way compared to just discipline. You can still ground him or make him do extra chores or whatever else so he knows its not acceptable behavior at his age without making him close up even more. Communication is key just like any other relationships. I hope you guys have that and things get easier for both of you soon. Its hard as heck to be a teenager and im sure it is to parent one as well, mine are 7, 5 and 2 so not quite there yet but i can only imagine. Just take sone deep breaths and try to remember its not you vs him, its you and him vs the issues hes facing
I may be out of the loop but wouldnāt that be considered child pornography since heās only 13 and we donāt know the age of the āyoung ladyā
You canāt stop kids from doing what they want to do. Explain to him that you saw the things to him in his phone and just make him aware of condoms and STDs you canāt stop kids from doing what is new and normal to them you can only make them aware of the mistakes that can be made and try to prevent them!
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Max Williamsonš¤£this is u x
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Maybe try to get him into counseling. You donāt mention a dad being present. Perhaps agrandfather or uncle or family friend could act as a father figure to give him some advice about safe sex and just general information about respecting women. Try to be present in his life spending some regular time together. Maybe ask your pediatrician for help bringing up issues and finding a good counselor. Good luck. Do not give up.
Talk to him about.dafe dex and birth control. Tell him, no glove no love.
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Such control freaks in the comments. 
Talk to your kid- an adult conversation. Not yelling. and stop going through his things. A 3 month long punishment for a vape? and more then likely very minor fight?
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Wow donāt go through his phone and vaping is unfortunate but becoming a norm among kids who think they are cool.
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Grounded for 3 months?!?! 
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Talk to him about it. Make sure he knows that the only time he will ever have control is in the heat of the moment because once its said in done its her body and her choice so rubber up and be smart!
Talk to your child! Kids that age will act up and try things. Parents respectfully educating their kids on what is and isnāt appropriate can never go wrong
Take him to talk to a recruiter. Let them tell him they check background. Including social stuff which could prevent him from getting in. They donāt want problem kids.
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Jesus is the only answer. Get him busy. A church and active youth group with godly young leaders. Some godly men around him. Because he is already on the way to trouble and maybe ruining some young girlās life too.
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If heās been grounded for that long you can bet heās sneaking out or will soon. You have to make kids behave but it is a fine line to walk. Many get worse or even suicidal. Good luck with your choices, they can affect you more years to come
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This mother is asking for help & advice. Not sure why people here are bashing her? Why not give her your parenting or āprofessionalā advice or opinions instead of bashing her? Obviously she cares about her son and is reaching out. 
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I go through my 12 year old daughterās phone to see whatās going on. She knows I go through it and itās the right thing to do. I would explain to your son that there has been cases of boys being accused of child pornography from under age girls sending nude pics to buys and vise versa. Talking is the best way to get through this. And just an FYI to the vape fansā¦itās more dangerous than cigarettes so yeah she had a right to ground her 13 ye old son for it and should be followed through with why and educated on the effects of vaping. God speed momma, youāre doing great.
Hopefully he has already started Sex Ed. If not, start now.
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If it were me
Iād have a conversation about what u foundā¦ Itās not a surprise, he knows itās not a surpriseā¦ ask him how he feels and ask him how he THINKS you feelā¦he probably assumes you are mad. I donāt think Iād be mad. Id be concerned that precautions werenāt being had and could lead to an end result that nobody is ready for.
Have a safe talk. Nobody is mad or upset, things like this are normal, Iād prefer If u kept your body parts off of your phone as things can be put onto social media super easily. I want u to be safe and protect not only yourself but whoever ur partner is.
As for the groundingā¦ I didnāt see u were looking for advice on that but there is consequences to actions but consequences also need to be lessons learned and in order to learn a lesson u have to be able to correct what was wrong.
Goodluck mama, the world we live in is crazy!
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Donāt mean this wrong but wow a little overbearing. Maybe you need to let his father deal with this because itās obvious your not mature enough. Who grounds a kid 3 months? Thatās not punishment itās imprisonment.
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A phone is a privilege not a necessity. I have gone through this with my child. We took his phone away immediately, talked to him about his actions. Yes teenage boys will do these things but its our job to teach them whatās right and whatās wrong. If that means grounding them for an extended amount of time then thatās the parents decision. Going through his phone is completely necessary. Heās 13 not 18. Our son def learned his lesson when he lost privileges.
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Itās NOT the masturbating this mom is concerned about. Itās the SEXTING, which is illegal. Have a talk with him, the girl, and her parents about this. Explains to them both how this is not appropriate.
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Tell him you love him but if anyone found out about it he would be arrested and there is nothing you could do about it. Make him relise what the consequences are to his actions
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EducateāEducate 'and then tell him too wrap it upAlways.
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I have a 13 yr old. I check his phone regularly and limit the apps he can have. If he is caught being inappropriate ALL devices are mines. At that point I drop him off right as school starts and am there when the bell rings. If he ISNT there Iām on campus FINDING him! He has no free time, no free talk, he is literally GROUNDED. Find his weaknesses and stick to them, the hard part is on you. Best wishes 
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Some of these responses 
people act like growing up doesnāt come with curiosity! The best thing to do is have a talk with him. Donāt embarass him, let him know he can come to you. If you do too much, you might just shut him out from saying anything. It all comes with age and everything else going on around him. Prayers to you mamaā:heart: #momofgrowingson
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Have him talk to a recruiter now. Call ahead and let them know what is going on. They can talk to him in front of youā¦.they know what to do and how.
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Where is his father?
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As a former teenager, if I was grounded for literal months, you can bet your butt Iād be sneaking out and probably causing even more trouble. As a mom, if he is grounded why does he have his phone in the first place??? As for the situation at hand, sit down and have a good long talk about what heās doing and the possible consequences of those actions. If heās serious about the military get ahold of your local recruiter of the branch of his choice and have a sit down with him/her as well about the background they do during the recruitment process
Strict parents sometimes make sneaky kids, rebellious kids, etc. Try just talking to him about the importance of safe sex and waiting until heās found the right personā¦ heās been grounded for monthsā¦ maybe try giving him his freedom back? Talk to him about his behavior and where itās coming from and get to the root of the issue. Otherwise, heās going to get ungrounded and still act out. Maybe some counseling if he wonāt come to you with whatever is going on with him. Heās a teenager. Heās going to explore and be curious. Heās still trying to figure out who he is. Take it easy on him.
Put a parenting app on his phone. Yeah, sure, some people say itās a āpart of growing upā. But will they be saying that if the girls parents get involved and he has naked pics on his phone? In some states, even if it is consentual, they can still charge him for underage pornography. 
Stop going through His phone and buy Him the big box of condoms. A refresher course about sex and babies. Good luck Mom !
Unfortunately he is at the stage he is going through manly bodily changes and discovering what he can do, we have all been a teenager before and if he cant do it with you knowing the chances are he will try his best to do so without you knowingā¦ best not punish him for it as hes a Male going through changes, maybe check the crowd he hangs about with and are they a good influence on him? Is he being peer pressured into it? You never know so best not jump to the worst of conclusion. Youāre best to sit down with him and educate him and give him the ātalkāā¦ because hes a teenager the chances are if he knows hes going to be punished how severely youāre punishing him, he is more than likely going to try find a way to do more things without you knowing because he wont want you finding out things anymore cause he knows what youll do
Exploring your sexuality is a normal thing to do as a teenager or younger kid.dont punish him or you will lose trust, donāt make up absurd lies ā¦talk to him. Be honest. Come up with a game plan together. Have a open and honest relationship with your child! This is a different time ppl
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My best advise is start talking about safe sex. Let him know he can always come to you if he needs to talk etc. He is a 13 year old boy he is curious, if he wanted to have sex he is going to do it with or without you knowing
Heās 13 he has āneedsā he needs to deal with and exploring around these ages are normal church going teens or not . Unless you actually found something alarming such as the girl in question being a lot younger than him or other alarming things on there of that nature I wouldnāt get going into his personal stuff tbh
Go over rules about safety and protection and leave it at that.
And being grounded for having a vape he could be doing a dam lot worse in this day and age seems a little harsh to keep him under lock & key.
What you actually afraid of that he will explore something that naturally effects all of us.?
You need to give him enough leeway to explore without it becoming a big issue but that will also keep him on the right pathā¦
watching all about the std he can catch and all the things that could go wrong should re-direct him away from getting to close an personal especially those birthing videosā¦ 
ā¦
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Iām 100% positive he canāt knock anyone up through phone sex
You canāt really punish or restrict masturbating and as far as the fear of him having real sex the best you can do is educate him about STDs and pregnancy prevention
Edit
Also talk to him about the legal ramifications of producing, possessing, and distributing child porn
That will follow him around forever and he can kiss the military goodbye
Ok so the child gets in trouble in school for vaping at 13 and mom grounds him for months. Mom is also concerned about his correspondence with a girl ON HIS PHONE.
Personally I think that the boy should not have a phone at all if he is grounded in the first place. And as far as his actionsā¦talk to him about it (on a level that he can understand) and educate him of the safety and pros and cons of his interests, donāt punnish him for months This boy did what most teens do and if he got in trouble just for vaping, count your blessings, it can always be worse. Im hoping you are able to speak with your son and that the outcome is satisfactory to you both. Iām still curious tho, why he even had his phone if he is groundedā¦That is the first thing I would have taken from him being grounded n all.
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Donāt look through his stuff? Thatās such an invasion of privacy Jesus.
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So itās completely normalā¦ teenager+hormones=things mama doesnāt want to see. BUT I would definitely talk with him and end the sexting. It is illegal, if he gets caught there is serious consequences with the law. He will not make it into the military with that record.
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Phone is a privilege mama if heās not doing right take it away. As for being a boy and discovering just talk about it with him
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Educate donāt punish for exploring himself
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Thereās a short series called āThe Huntingā on Netflix which goes into the lives of four teenagers, their teachers, their families and the community around them as they are rocked by a nude teen photo scandal.
It was really eye opening and something I think all teens should watch to get some perspective on if/when this kind of thing can go pear shaped.
Would these comments be different if it was a daughter and not a son??
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Educate do not punish the same as the first comment!!! It will make him act out way worse definitely EDUCATE!!!
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13 is really too young, heās too irresponsible, is there a man you can talk to about the subject? So you can get some advice from him for your son?
Lighten up mom!!! They masterbate at that ageā¦it is completely normal.
NOW that you knowā¦and you donāt want any grands and he has his eyes set on his future, it is your job to educate AND arm him with protection. I know how dreadful that might feel right now, but if you donāt want to be grandma in your near futureā¦
Your teen is fighting the same hormone you and his father fought when teens. Itās completely normalā¦it is how you handle this that will make a big impact.
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Exploring your sexuality is normal. Now at 13 I donāt want my son acting on impulse so I would only intervene by educating him, giving him activities to keep him too busy for girls. But donāt make him feel embarrassed or even that he doesnāt have privacy. You have to talk to him about whatās appropriate behavior for his age. Find a recruiting office and take him in to meet them, they can inspire goals for him to reach to accomplish what he had to have done before joining. If no father find a mentor in your area who is approved to work with at risk youth, and yes sexual behaviors can be at risk behavior. Just please donāt tell, call names or degrade your son for behavior that is normal.
If he canāt follow your rules while he uses a phone you provide he doesnāt need it. Sexting is also illegal. And I read he has been grounded since school started for vaping and other behavior had been going on. How has the punishment taken?? Not well! Try a different approach. Maybe start with open communication.
My daughter alot of the same stuff she nows signs her papers to join army in june2022 talk to him donāt just punish I promise it will make a difference I try to talk it through with my kids complete honesty. Now my daughter tells me everything even if I donāt really want to know things she still tells me lol
Educate and keep it real
If heās not asking questions about sex but sexting there is not enough communication. If heās vaping and fighting and you have no idea why thereās is definitely a problem. Try therapy and reward him for opening up to the therapist. Give him something he can say to you, a password of sorts, and once he says that to you ha can tell you anything with no emotional response from you. Just listen and ask questions. Itās hard as heck but itās helped my daughter an insane amount.
All those electronics bye byeā¦
Maybe try actually having a conversation with him instead of invading his privacy
Educate him and tell him it isnāt a bad thing but to know the risks and responsibilities of that action so he is well aware of sex. Show him how to use a condom and tell him about both his body and her body.
Oooof I would never go through his phone again lol. How much did you read? Are you okay?? Talk to him about safe sex since he thinks heās grown, heās ready for the birds and the bees.
Tell the girls parents and see how they feel about their kid doing that. Maybe you can figure out a plan together 
You breached his privacy, with no reason to do it. My 13 yo has a phone I only do this when I notice sheās being off. Heās growing up and deserves privacy. Period. You grounded him for months because he vaped and fought, Iām not ine to twll another mother how to parent, but I feel like making him stay home with his phone is kind of backwards. Self pleasuring at this age is 100% normal. I donāt even know where to start at this age.
Sending nudes is actually illegal. You should let him know that. Itās pornography. Technically child pornography. We had an issue too.
Take his phone away, then, after a couple of months with no phone get him one that has no internet service. This way he can talk but nothing else. Good luck, glad you are handling it before it gets out of hand.
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I learned obedience by the things I suffered. Maybe grounding isnāt enough,
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Maybe he let you find it so you will stop lookin for stuff
I think most of you didnāt real the whole post. Itās not the fact that heās exploring himself, but that heās video chatting and sexting, which is illegal and can get him in a lot of trouble with the law.
I say sit down and talk to him and explain to him that itās normal to explore his body and to feel this way and to want to do things, but that sexting is illegal and can get him in a lot of trouble, and then take away his phone for a while to let it sink in.
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