Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What to do about teenage boys
He better be careful sexting. Bc we know somebody did same thing and now he’s getting it for child porn.
Teach him about safe sex! Telling him not to do it or that he can’t do it will only make him want to do it 10000x more!! The best thing you can do is educate him on safe sex practices, birth control, etc. Don’t judge, try to be as unbiased and impartial as you can! You got this
Time to have an adult conversation with him, teach him how to protect himself, not just against pregnancy but also std’s and sti’s. Teach him the correct way to treat a girlfriend, and how he should be treated. Teach him about consent and respect for eachother, and teach him about the worry of sending pictures, how far then can reach on the internet ect.
Once they start, they won’t stop. I would have a serious talk with him in a neutral place where he can’t run away I always took my girl for a ride, grab something to eat, and park somewhere to talk. Let him know it’s natural, but there’s consequences. You want him to be safe. I provided mine with a pack of condoms. Not to provide my consent, but to ensure she was protected.
Teach him to be responsible and respectful and he shouldn’t have any issues. Remind him that having pictures can lead to criminal charges. It’s normal what hes doing but the more you push him the more hes going to rebel.
Educate him about getting a girl knocked up and the consequences of doing so. Buy him condoms. Sexual urges in teens is very normal and you don’t want to demonize sex because it won’t help anyway and they might do it to be rebellious. As long as he has the information as to how to prevent pregnancy and STI’s ,at least his choice’s will be informed.
He hasn’t actually dont anything wrong.
There is nothing wrong with exploring your body nd sexuality.
I would sit him down and explain safe sex which includes internet safe sex. Explain to him the dangerous of sending and receiving videos and images.
Remind him that sex and masterbation is normal and totally okay IF it’s fully consensual and safe for everyone involved.
Teens are going to have sex and sexual experiences. Imo best thing to do is supply them with both information and contraceptives. Explain the things the school doesn’t. The emotional aspects, the possibility of having partners who are not mature enough to be trusted that they are using contraceptives, how much damage it can do to a young person to have children too early. If you try to stop it, they will rebel and purposefully do the wrong things just to prove themselves. I’m not saying allow him to have sleepovers with partners or anything but prepare him as much as you can. Good luck.
Hes grounded and still has a phone?? Flip phone if you dont have a phone for contact. I still dont understand why we are so closed about this topic. Love this topic with my boys they get a kick out of how open we are. Lol.
I do believe sending sexual matter to a minor is illegal and he could be charged if this relationship went wrong…check out laws in your area and have a talk with him…
I would take the phone away
Bring out the banana and condoms and show that boy how to wrap it up. Stop beating around the bush hes 13
Stop going through his phone like a creep & have a open adult conversation with him prepare him with knowledge, he’s gonna do whatever he wants I have a 15 yr old & we have a open line of communication… masterbating is normal for everyone you don’t “ stop it “ teach him about stds & pregnancy…
I think this is all normal
But I would be absolutely having the conversation about how they may be the same age but it’s still considered child porn.
I also wouldn’t freak out but have an open conversations not once but on a continue basis.
Make sure he knows you are open and welcoming of questions and conversations
Mom if 5 ages 24 23 16 15 11
4 boys 1 girl
Have an adult convo & buy him condoms.
From a mom of 4 boys - I can almost guarantee you he has been touching his peepee for a lot longer than you know about. I also don’t go through my children’s personal messages. I trust them. I also talk to mine about being respectful to women over text. Maybe that’s the talk that needs to be had instead of grounding him… for well whatever you grounded him for.
For starters, I think I’d be having a conversation with my son before posting to social media. Have the talk with him, he’s 13. Explain to him protection, Sti’s and std’s… teenage pregnancy. Even do up a mock “receipt” of the expenses of raising a baby for a month compared to a few boxes of condoms. Also explain that pictures can go absolutely anywhere after leaving his phone. Screenshots, internet, mass texts, etc. He needs to know to be safe, and the consequences of it but he’s not going to learn any of it unless you have the talk with him about it.
I was 14 and in a relationship that lasted until I was 17, same guy… it happens unfortunately best thing you can do is be open and teach him how to be responsible for himself… hes clearly not shy if he isn’t trying to hide it so just be open x
U need to talk to him about criminal charges first and foremost. He could certainly end up having charges pressed on him by her parents if they ever found the videos and photos. Then he’ll have to register as a sex offender and that will follow him for life. Him masturbating is the least of your problems in this scenario. Being put behind bars for showing another minor sexual content is more of what you need to focus on here. Even if theyre both the same age it’s still considered a crime. And you need to have an open convo about this. I have 2 boys and have had to have this same convo w each of them.
I would desperately let him know that’s not a good idea! What if the girls parents find this on her phone? Both of you are going to be in serious trouble.
I’m a firm believer in privacy but with fighting and vaping you have a reason to look but doing it all the time randomly is a little strange to me…but everyone’s different. have a conversation with him about sex if sex is the issue and how to respect women and talk to them…it’s normal at 13 to start doing things like this, most teenage boys do…he probably left it because he’s so use to you going through his phone, so why hide it if he doesn’t have that privacy anyway. I know that’s always how me and my brother thought with my mom. just talk to him about sexting and how it can sometimes get you in trouble, all that. You can’t really stop him from doing it because he’ll most likely do it anyway, but you can atleast inform him and maybe scare him alittle LOL. (Also even if he did go into the military, and got a girl pregnant, that wouldn’t really destroy his chances of going. And most kids do change their mind 100x on what they wanna do before they end highschool.)
The problem with them being that age phones are in parents names. Had to explain that to my son. I wasn’t going to prison because he was doing that. So he went straight to video chats. And told him the male appendage doesn’t take good pics from any angle and she might b laughing at it
"Getting a girl knocked up’
No you’re afraid hell get her pregnant
But hes literally 13, shut the phone off, tell him that he is a minor who is a hairs breath away from illegal content
And absolutely tell the girls family!!!
I would never go through their phones. Such an invasion of privacy🤷🏼♀️. Talk to him so he knows your concerns. You will only make him want to do things more by trying to stop it🤷🏼♀️.
I’m not sure she worried about him touching himself. I think she’s more worried about the sexting at the age of 13. Be open with him, telling him you can’t or won’t “allow” him will only push him into doing it. You was a kid/teenager once remember when your parents told you no or you can’t? I’m sure you found away just like the rest of us.
Maybe give him privacy and stop going through his phone first. Giving kids no privacy teaches them to be sneaky. Just have a talk with him, talk about consent, age of consent, all of it. After you talk to him, tell him to come to you with any questions and if he needs anything. Don’t shame him or make it a negative experience or he will still do things, you just won’t know and he won’t be safe.
Definitely time for a conversation about unintended consequences or sex (stds, stis, pregnancy), consent, respecting his partner and himself, and also the danger or sexting depending on the laws for your state. I’d get him condoms as well… most health departments give out free bags.
Have an open conversation about it and educate him on protection and the importance of that.
Boys gotta love ummmm
Flat out let him know what he is doing is very unacceptable to do on a phone…it’s only to de done in private…explain all the consequences that could come of his actions…and talk about safe sex…don’t pull no punches or baby him…let him know straight up…and go buy condems…
I had numerous conversations regarding how to treat girls. What it means to be respectful & a gentleman.
I also drove into his head, doing that is considered child pθГn if & when it gets out. Yes, even if he took it under age. If he accidentally sends it, her parents can charge him. So can they police. It’s not worth it bc we don’t waive Sex Offender Crimes on any Military Branch.
Young teens think it’s cute & all but states have been making laws & it’s important to know them. What they think is harmless could land them on a lifelong registry.
I also beat into my son, once you are 17, girls under that are jail bait. Period. We’ve always had very open conversations about sex, hormones, laws, etc. Bc of that, my son always talks to me or my husband about dating & such. One thing he won’t do is sext. His current gf, he’s 20, she’s 19 & I love her (lol), has even told me he won’t bc if it gets out, he doesn’t want her embarrassed.
I had a chat with him & said, I get it, hormones. It seems everybody is having sex. But keep in mind, you get her pregnant, it’s her life turning upside down. It’s her body & schedule & plans changing more than yours. So, if you love her like you say, don’t put her in that position.
So far so good. *whew Lol
Let him know that exchanging naked or underwear pics is considered child porn and it is illegal no matter what his age is.
Please teach him about birth control. Mom’s don’t teach their daughters about it but please tell your son about the consequences of unprotected sex. Not just pregnancy but diseases.
Your son has been grounded for the same reason since school started? Assuming school started in September, do you truly believe grounding your son for four months over the same thing will teach him a lesson? Regarding the other - I highly recommend not taking his phone away or getting him “in trouble” but rather just talking to him… God Bless
How bout possibly spending some time with him or more time seems like most boys go through something like this. Also talking about what he’s up to.
Just talk to him about it.
It’s normal for kids to explore themselves and be curious about others but you need to make sure he’s safe x
Lol he is a 13 year old teenage boy. Educate him on safe sex.
Your job to teach him how to treat girls.what you do next will determine that.you take her away completely he is going to find a way to talk to her.i realy think the screne has put these kids in a situation where the kuds are dehumanizing each other.talk to him but i assure ypu he knows he camnot get her pregnant online.if it were me id have her over.supervised of course.and pay attention.are they as sexual in person as they are online?does ge know if a girl gives herself to him like that he needs to treat her with respect always?big changes momma and you need to handle it right for both of them.goodluck.
I have a 13 year old son, and we’re going through a similar situation right now. I’ve realized that the only thing that I can do, is talk to him. My husband and I have a pretty open relationship with all of our kids, and of course our son is more comfortable talking to his dad than me, but we’re both open and honest with him. We know he watches porn, we know he is… doing that… and honestly, he’s gonna do it regardless of if we approve or not. Kids always find a way. Our approach is honesty. We have had the talk with him about personal behavior and being safe. The consequences of the choices he makes, what can happen if he has unprotected sex etc. Thats all you can do.
And just a warning, if there’s pictures of any naked underage people on his phone, including himself, it’s classed as child porn and he can get into trouble and so could the girl x
Well I would just sit down and have an open conversation about it. A parent shouldn’t feel weird about talking to their child about anything. Explain the bad that could happen from it. But I wouldn’t punish or take away his phone. I would just continue to monitor. Sexual feelings are natural and shouldn’t be made out to be a bad thing. Explain what legal age and consent is and bring up the laws regarding those types of things. Also I would let the girls parents know that way they could have the same convo with their daughter.
Boundaries. Even teenagers are allowed to have them and you have crossed them. If you are so concerned. Be a parent and have the birds and the bees talk. It’s time to teach. Not control. All controlling and over reaching at that age will do is push them away from you and hide what they are doing better. This is a crucial time for you to earn real respect from your child.
I am not ready for the teenage years
Teach him proper prevention and sexual education along with all the responsibility that comes with conseq and you’ll be fine momma. Don’t shame him or scare him just give him the facts and let him be. Also teach him no pictures with his face bc it could very well ruin His life if leaked.
And people who say don’t check your kids phones, are exactly what predators and groomers depend on - and please don’t try the “well I trust my child to speak to me” because that’s how groomers work - the child doesn’t understand or know what’s happening to them.
So ground him for having sexual desires as a teenager? Why not educate him on safe sex and why he shouldn’t be doing that yet at his age?? If he keeps vaping and fighting at school and wants to be in the military why not send him to military school? That will straighten him out real quick. He’s acting to grown for his age trying to vape and fight and have sex.
I would take his phone away
We went through this with our son at that age. We locked his phone & devices down. We used a software called Qustodio.
Masterbating is normal. Talk to him about it. I’ve talked with.my son about sex since he was 9 thanks to kids at school. I’m very opened and honest with my kids. Good luck
Stop going through his phone and actually sit down and have a conversation with him. Parents wonder why their kids hide stuff from them, maybe it’s due to the fact that respect goes both ways and you need to respect his privacy just as you expect him to respect yours.
If they exchange nudes it’s considered child porn. So I’d be very careful to keep tabs on him and explain it to him.
Ummmm…he has been grounded forever… so a lot of pent-up frustration and nothing else to do going on there. But you REALLY gotta talk to him…sone states sexting is illegal…he wants to go into the military. So before being worried about him knocking her up over the phone…worry about him destroying his future. And kids are braver on the phone and online than they are in person…so for gawd sakes…give him a little freedom… but NOW you need to be concerned about bc… that world has been opened to him with this girl.
How about let you son have some privacy he is to old for you to be going through his phone this is part of life he could be sneaking out to go have real sex !!! Then what I’ll u do with a baby ??? Let him be on his phone he is a boy and that’s what life eventually comes to
Talk about safe sex, talk about internet safety. Touching oneself is nothing to be ashamed of, let him know that, but tell him to be clean about it (wash hands, dont leave socks everywhere😂) and to do it in private.
Have a conversation with him about respecting girls/women. They are not interactive pornography, they are real people with real feelings. A gentle conversation about treating them the way he’d want his mother treated goes a long way at a young age.
You can’t do much but to just have “the talk” with him and hope he cares. Teens will do what they want. REMEMBER, strict parents create sneaky kids… just do your best to educate him and make it crystal clear what WILL happen if he gets someone pregnant.
Give him some slack, but not too much. That’s my advice. The more you pin up a young man who’s feeling like a buck in rut, the harder he is to manage. Sit down, have the condom and babies talk with him. Scare him about how bad 10-20 minutes of a good time can ruin his life.
Grounding doesn’t t work
Give him condoms and tell him to be safe. Idk what to tell you chief. There’s nothing to really talk about. He’s 13. He knows about the birds and the bees. Just keep him educated.
He’s gonna have sex whether you like it or not. He is prepping for the big day. Your job is make sure he knows what he is getting himself into. Like what it takes to raise a child. What babies need to survive. That will scare him into wearing protection. Then the chances of catching something. That should help. You just scare the shit out of him. You’ve gotta start giving him his personal space. Gheesh. He’s 13. Not 6.
You took away his privacy +turned him into a sneak,good luck with that now Mom.
YOU! Are his parent you do what you feel is best for him. If you think that is taking his phone take it, if it means monitoring it more closely, go for it!! You got this momma. Being a mom of a teenager is hard. But I’m sure you are doing an amazing job!
I would stop going through his phone first off. In a way you are teaching him he doesn’t deserve privacy. Going through his phone like that (for possibly that reason alone) can show you don’t trust him, and or don’t care to give him privacy. Growing up is literally hard as hell.
He’s 13, he’s exploring himself, literally EVERY boy at some point will start to explore and play with their penis. Some at 13, some at 9. You never know. Let him be a teenager on that part. Just teach him…. Privacy. Where to do it, when not to do it. Ya know, there’s a time and place for things.
The photos now that is a big no. (I say this ‘kinda’ loosely.) No matter if they are the same age of not, they are sending nudes to each other and it is in fact child pornography; which is very illegal.
Him wanting to go into the military is not a bad thing. He would have to have primary of the child to be able to get all the benefits to help out. But with the military he could use his resources to fight to get said child if he chose too. (Milso spouse here.)
Teach him about “there is a time and place”, teach him about condoms. Tell him Photos are a big no right now because of child pornography and be honest about it. (Being 13 I’m sure he is like most and will possibly think you’re lying cause well your mom and you can pull stuff out your bum cause you can) show him the law about it, and the penalty for it. (If need be) Teach him about STD’s and how real they really are. (I will say Some people are born with some STD’s so sex will not cause ‘all’ of them. Teach him that too) If he wants to start having sex take him every six months to a year to be tested if he wants to start at such a young age.
Just stop looking through his phone, start earning his trust, give him some privacy. Sit and talk with him, I know as a parent it’s hard to have those talks, but it’s better to not be a super strict parent and create a sneaky kid. ( yes I know that doesn’t always happen) but I WAS one of those kids. And it has and will happen.
Don’t go through his phone unless it’s a very big deal. (As like you hear he is sending threats or something like that)
Be a mom, but also be a friend. We all know growing up is hard, though as moms we don’t know how growing up as a boy is.
Just start with not going through his phone as a “normal” thing.
Communicating your concerns and educating on risks can help, but usually can’t micromanage your teenager. Its exhausting and you can’t be with them 24/7. Not to mention this is the time they start to learn their independence and the skills they need for adulthood. Also pro tip… privacy isn’t for them, it’s for us. We don’t need or want to know all of the things lol. It’s also important to explain that porn is acting… that the vulgar things seen in porn aren’t what their partner will necessarily like or want to do.
Just know strict parents create sneaky kids. Give him privacy and just have open talks about everything
Remind him that sexting can put him (and you) at risk for legal issues. And for sure, sending/receiving explicit photos is definitely a felony.
Sounds like he did this on purpose
Just be sure to educate him! You can’t stop them from doing this the only thing you can do is give them as much info about the sex subject as you can and hope he take the knowledge and apply it to his life.
definitely need some boundaries, but i think education is important here. i mean there’s no way you can stop him from exploring in the sexual aspect, but if you teach him to be smart and respectful and SAFE, hopefully he will be okay! the vaping and fighting, no advice there parenting is hard.
If you have a problem saying " masturbate ", if he has a father, have him talk to him. He needs to learn what, how and when things are okay and when it’s a not okay.
Please talk to him and be open and understanding. My mom used to go through my stuff. So I started hiding things. If my mom had tried getting on my level instead of shaming me and punishing me I might have turned to her more in the future. Instead I moved out at 12 and went to live with my grandparents. I was already out of control by the time they got me
For starters he could be charges with child pornography for sending and receiving as can the young lady. First verify this was mutual. Contact her parents. And take the phone until he can be responsible. This is not normal behavior no matter what people say. Yes kids do it. But no its not normal. Masterbation is normal. Don’t shame him for that. But a serious talk about sexting is needed.
This b:tch dumb or what , he’s in his room 24/7 what do yu expect let that man be great cuz it sound like he’s just being a teen to me
Sit him down, talk to him. Give him condoms, show him how they are properly used. (Demonstrate how to properly put on and take off). I would also contact the girls parents. Speak to them. Because even though he “just goes to school” doesn’t mean anything. I was a wild teen. I did things in places you wouldn’t think. (School, movie theater, cemetery, church, parks) if kids want to do things they will. Give them the things to do it safely. Explain about diseases, pregnancy risks…and supply condoms. Can even get free ones from health dept if need be.
This wont ruin Him. Many kids explore sex younger than others. I would explain to him why he had to be careful
Take the phone away. Give him the talk about birds bees and responsibilities. Make him work to have phone returned and then monitor it. Second strike and he doesn’t have phone returned. I’m sorry but this one is kind of an easy one. Might even talk to girls parents. Bet you he wouldn’t be sexting anymore
Maybe let him be a boy à like mind your business . That’s his personal life .
Might want to seek professional help. He is acting out for some reason. Grounding doesn’t work.
I have a 13 YO granddaughter and we talk about everything. No shame. No fear. No guilt. She doesn’t care to date right now and stays active doing fun things with kids her age. She has no phone freedom and doesn’t care because the phone is a privilege not a requirement. At the end of the day, she has adults she can openly talk to and her friends talk openly around us too. It’s all normal stuff. Remember puberty = awakening sexuality. We can’t stop it, but we can guide our children to love themselves enough not to take risks that could impact their lives negatively. For your son, sexting is not the same as sex. Talk to him openly about the sexting and the girl and don’t get angry. He is a human male. If you want to know what he’s up to…don’t shame him. Lying only happens when people are afraid to tell the truth. It’s up to you to create a safe space for your son to openly communicate to you about anything.
Talk about safe sex. Make sure he knows to use a condom no matter what bc the girl says she’s using.
Have an open conversation with him from the heart don’t be sturn…talk and listen…my boys are very open with me and we have great relationships my oldest used to fight and do stupid stuff all the time and now he is a US Marine and is doing great…in fact he called me last night to tell me his buddy from home got a girl pregnant and panicked and called him for advice…talk to him and let him know what can happen from having a kid at young age…I even bought my son protection…parents of girls go out and put them on the pill so I don’t see anything wrong with making sure our boy was protected
So basically he has already been grounded for months already, you do not respect any of his privacy, and now you want to punish him for experimenting with sexuality (in a safe way at that) while he is going through puberty?!?
Have you tried actually sitting down and talking to him, without accusing and with a normal tone?
The strictest parents raise the most rebellious kids.
Set boundaries but don’t make your house a prison.
Rather than teaching him abstinence is key maybe try teach safe sex is key. Clearly he’s gonna do it regardless of you knowing or not, but instead of being mad sit down and talk to him about EVERYTHING so he knows how to be safe and not end up knocking some girl up
Idc what anyone says, learning about yourself and masturbating isn’t something to punish for. This is an educational opportunity, and mom, it’s absolutely okay to say masturbate:sparkles:
Also, why would the military have anything to do with him knocking someone up? LOL. 1) I think it’d be the opposite, esp in basic lmao
2) once he’s 18, he can join the military and masturbate as many times a day as he pleases. Learn boundaries, and don’t lose a relationship with your son over something so silly.
I don’t even think you should be going through his phone unless he gives you a reason (acting suicidal, saying off things, meeting strangers etc).
Have the talk. Make sure he knows its wrong and illegal to share photos of the women, to be discreet so as he gets older he isn’t “that guy” that shares women’s photos around. Teach him about respect.
Have him understand the consequences of his actions, I would limit his phone usage to where you can see only or in a room like the family room. He is 13, not 16 there is a big difference in maturity in just a few short years.
Be honest with him, and give him the prevention talk. Make sure he knows he can come to you if things get out of hand.
He needs some freedom too. Being grounded that long isn’t healthy, nor is it an adequate punishment. Allow him to have outside activities. Of course he turned to his phone. He needs to socialize in person, build real relationships instead of taking things too far on the phones living in an adults world.
I would have him use his phone in a communal place, and get him into therapy. It would be good for you both to have someone unbiased work through this.
Hes kept inside away from the child’s world, and all he has to turn too is the adult world of social media. Get him involved in age appropriate activities
Explain the risks, be open, because he will do what he wants whether you like it or not. Rather have open communication and trust or a teen that’s sneaky.
Tell him it’s normal to feel what he feels and for what he wants to do but he is too young to video chat and sexting he could get charge with child porn or you the parents can be charge. Tell him it’s normal to feel those feelings tell him if wants U or dad to buy some magazines for him for his urges. Time for the sex talk show him how to use condoms properly and etc
If he is grounded why does he have a phone?
Boys will be boys. They all do this. Just a teenager stage. It will pass.
I had a same situation with my son I took his phone informed the girls parents of their actions so they could aptly address their daughter.
My children know that I pay the bills I have every right to oversee what they do on my accounts. My son tried telling me it was an invasion of privacy I told him when he is no longer being supported by me and is over 18 is when he gains his privacy.
I also explained to him that because his devices and the internet are in my name everything he does on them falls back on me, I then explained that he had put me at risk for child pornography which would result in prison. Parents need to express to their children the issues they could cause for the parents especially in situations like this.
Let him babysit a wild af toddler lol that usually puts things into perspective
The only thing I would talk about is we ting and underage pictures. Also that long of a punishment is making it invalid as a punishment. It’s been so long that I guarantee he no longer cares. The fighting and vaping and prob other issues as well should’ve had him in a therapists office. Also he can still join the military with a child. The fighting and underage vaping could get him in enough trouble and keep him from joining.
Get him involved in extra school activities. Join clubs at school, etc. Get his mind off what he’s doing now.
I can tell you when I found out my son was sexting I felt like a failure. We sat down and had an open conversation. I bought him condoms and told him when he needed more there would be no judgment, but I wanted him to be safe.
Condoms. He’s gonna do it whether you agree or not. Better to protect himself than regret it later.
You need to have a word with him, but don’t make it seem like he’s doing anything wrong. Because he isn’t! Just talk to him about life! And tbh if he’s been grounded since the start of school for those things then I kinda think you have more to worry about than him having a little ‘personal time!’
Take the phone away that’s a start internet is exposing our kids to the unknown
Atleast he’s keeping it to phone sex… Sounds like you need to have the talk with your son!!! Also it’s called masterbation!!! Everyone does it at some point in life!!! This should have already been a talk youve had with him!!! Also why not prepare him with your knowledge of safe sex?! He’s going to have sex at some point be that person he could ask for advice be that person he can turn to if hes to embarrassed to buy condoms… Don’t close him out and make him feel like sex is a bad thing!!!