I need advice. So I woke up around 130am to find that my fiancé wasn’t at home… when I called, he picked up and said he was out “driving around,”… which I don’t believe at all. When he gets home, I went through his phone and saw he was getting emails from some kinda one-night stand website where you meet people to hookup. I’m so hurt and lost. I don’t believe for one second he was just driving around at that time of night and the website thing is a whole other thing. What would you ladies do? I’m furious. Help!!!
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Get rid of him. He is not ready to commit.
If you stay, you are allowing his behavior to continue.
His actions say, he is not ready to commit.
It will continue.
Break up with him and go adopt a dog.
Rescuing a dog will save you and a shelter dog. You will receive 100% loyalty from a K9. Not that man.
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I use to wake up in the middle of the night with my husband gone, would not pick up the phone and would say he was driving around, I’m not married to him anymore. Stay strong and follow your intuition it’s right more than not. Sorry dear.
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The fact that you have to ask speaks volumes. I wouldn’t even ask questions. That just opens the door for excuses and explanations. Tell him what you found, decide what you want to do about it, and go from there.
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First of all. Gather all evidence and plan out the confrontation where it will be safe for you. Second of all. PRAY A LOT. This will give you some sort of peace and keep you rational. After you’ve discussed this with your fiancé CALMLY. You will be able to make the right decision, for YOURSELF and YOUR FUTURE. Lastly… None of this is your fault. You are beautiful. You are smart. You are enough.
Hope this helps.
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I would be asking questions. My mom always said when you stop asking questions your relationship is over. Even if you dont wanna hear the brutal truth thats going to hurt. You need to know.
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I’ve been in “similar” situations. Not quite this but close enough. It’s really hurtful. The only way I have been able to get passed it is if he admits the truth and we are able to talk. It takes me a long time to forgive and “forget” and I have to consciously forgive him regularly for hurting me. When he lies or doesn’t admit it, I cannot get passed it. Maybe start there. We have kids to breaking up isn’t so simple. If you don’t have kids I would consider leaving him. Most men DO NOT CHANGE.
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Oh my goodness, my heart dropped. Better to find out now than after being married bc that would be a whole separate mess. Take your dignity and walk away. If he’s doing it now, he’ll do it again. He knew the risk he took when he decided to follow through on a hook up. He made his choice. He knew what he was doing when he chose to cheat. I’m so sorry. No one deserves this. It’s not about you, there’s nothing you did wrong. Pick your beautiful self up and walk away 
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He’s a piece of work you are way better darling!!
I really hope that you find peace and one sweet day some real man will sweep you off your feet until then he’s not worth your heartache you will solider on much love your way worse feeling EVER 
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Do not marry him. Trust me I had a similar experience with my ex-husband when I was younger, and thought oh he will change, we are getting married, then we had a baby, he will change, and got married, nothing changed except it got a lot worse, and costed a lot of money to end a horrible marriage. If you have a gut feeling and proof don’t ignore it. 
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End the relationship. You deserve so much more! If you want to stay then confront him and try to work on it but it will be hard to trust him and you’ll always be suspicious in the back of your mind. I wouldn’t want to keep worrying, I would leave. Up to you. Good luck. 
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My question is, were these emails in the spam box? I have flown off the handle at my husband when it was a random spam email that he didn’t do anything. But if your gut is saying he’s cheating, then he could be.
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I agree with the just leave or make him leave…my husband cheated on me he didn’t leave in the night but on weekends he would leave before noon and not return tell 7 or so …would say he was at work but I could drive by there and he wouldn’t be there
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I’ve felt with this 11 years. If you found proof, than that’s what’s going on. Don’t let him walk on you. Because if you do they’ll never stop. Believe me. I’m sorry your going through this.
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You obviously don’t trust him if you feel the need to check his phone. Even if he wasn’t up to anything why would you want to be with someone you don’t trust
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You already know your answer you just want validation. You are worth far more than this person and whom ever he has been with and brought back to you if you get my meaning. I’d be getting and std test pronto.
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Reverse roles for a moment. Would you get up and leave the house at 1:30 in the morning without letting him know? Would you take the chance that he’d wake up and worry?
Even if he couldn’t sleep, there’d be no reason to sneak out. He could wake you to tell you (or find something to do there). I can’t handle sneaky.
The emails from a hookup website for me would be a deal breaker. I’d be done. Divorce is expensive as hell, and some STDs can’t be cured.
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Go with your gut feeling. Your intuition never lies to you. As to what you should do? Well I would sit down and have a conversation with him and let him know you are aware of what he is doing and would like to know why and what got him to this point. I would not ask him if he is doing something because he is clearly going to deny it. Stand your ground and remember the ball is in your court and you make the decision. Stand strong and firm with him and let him know if he wants this relationship to work he better cut out all of this nonsense because your not going to tolerate this kind of disrespect not from him or anyone else. Good luck and remember to be calm and strong, you got this!
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Have you confronted him about the emails? It’s easy for everyone to say to break it off and move on but it’s easier said than done! You need to follow your gut, do what is best for you if you love him and think he is worth it then try to work through it but chances are he will do it again. Good luck with whatever decision you decide to make!
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I would tell him to leave. If he ask why tell him. There is a risk of STD’s. Make sure someone is near if he gets mad. Take care of yourself and your children if you have any. He’ll be upset you looked at his phone so take care but you will have to give a reason. It’s hard especially if you still have feeling for him. Just take care of yourself. Be safe.
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Even though this looks bad you definitely need to sit him down and show him what you found and get the truth from him no matter what, if the information is true and he cheated you deserve better plus he is putting your health at risk by all these sexual encounters with so many women, even if he uses condoms which don’t protect form transmitted diseases so you had better get tested but deep down you won’t be able to trust him again, you deserve someone who will be true to you, being by yourself always beats being with the wrong man any day, take care of you
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Although it’ll be painful & rough, It’s way less painful to end it now than after marriage & kids. I hope you find the one that treats you with the dignity, respect & love you deserve ! Best wishes.
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I am an elderly female & you might think my advice is outdated… that’s ok, BUT when he came home, it would be to an empty bed…house & life… he has proven you are NOT first in his life … that will never change! Respect yourself & love yourself & leave him alone!!!
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If you feel insecure and have doubts he probably is. Talk it out with him. Relationships should not need secrets. If he makes you secure so you never need to doubt than he’s the one for you… respect yourself and demand it of your relationship
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When you confront them all they do is lie. It’s beyond ridiculous. I say as hard as it is move on and be happy with someone who thinks you are enough. This will continue.
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The website is NOT a whole other thing. He was out hooking up with someone else. Don’t ignore or question evidence that’s in your face. Decide what you’re willing to accept and go from there.
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It’s better to break up now than after you’re married. Anybody who’s going to cheat is going to do it repeatedly & you deserve better than that.
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Be grateful that you discovered this before marrying him. My best advice is to let him know what you have discovered. If he does it once, he will probably do it again. I would feel like the trust was broken and couldn’t marry someone I didn’t trust anymore
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Confront him, tell him what you found. You can end the relationship or get counseling. Distrust will be apart of your relationship and it will be alot to work thru if both of you choose counseling. Hard choice.
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Trust your instincts —You should leave—But if you need proof. Hire a PI and keep your mouth shut until you have all the evidence- get your proof and then leave.
Also consider- do u want to spend the rest of your life with a man who u have to hire someone to find out the truth about them?.. life is short. Don’t waste it w the wrong people
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If you don’t trust him or his word… you’re wasting your time. Me, personally would never be in a relationship I couldn’t trust.
Now, he could have been driving around but the fact that you don’t trust his word is reason enough!
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Simply put. Tell him that you know and tell him that you’re done and do not waste one more second with a man that does not want you and only you. Life gives us big red flags. It’s up to you to recognize and choose a better path for yourself.
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Always go with your gut! If you leave stay gone! If you stay then really stay and work on it. The back and forth isn’t healthy!!
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Trust your gut. You know what you read an saw. THESE ARE THE WARNING SIGNS. I say this to you so you can protect your heart. I stayed and keep finding out more shit and I now have a 3 year old. I’m leaving eventually I just have to get my feet on the ground. Tell him you don’t believe him , give him the opportunity to lie or tell the truth if he lies run and if he tells the truth about doing somthing with someone else run too. I know you came here looking for advice I do it to but do not ignore the warning signs. You see what you see. And I’m sorry you are hurting. I pray you find happiness
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Oh sweetie you know what to do!!! Don’t start out ur marriage like that! End it now and move on with ur life! He doesn’t deserve you. He’s not worth it!
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Say goodbye. He won’t change. Good thing you found out now, and not later.
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Go straight to the source! If your already having to go through his phone, to verify how your feeling id say that’s red flag number 1. But don’t ask for advice on a place like this, it either goes one of two ways, either they say he’s cheating or they justify his actions. If you want answers ask your fiancé what he was doing driving around at that time of night with emails like you’ve seen on his phone.
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Your gut is rarely wrong…go with it
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Break it off. Now. He will cheat on you if he hasn’t already, it’s not worth the years of heartache and self doubt.
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Confronting him will tell you. Even if he says no, you will know if he’s lying. At some point you should get tested. You have to make the best decision for you Based on the facts, but if he’s cheating I would leave if it were me.
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My husband and I feel disrespected when the other leaves the bed to sleep in the cofy sectional this would be a terrible fight in our home
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Separate and evaluate. Do not marry him if you have trust issues.
The trust issues will not get better with paper and vows.
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Definitely not acceptable behavior at all! He is insulting you and your intelligence! Yeah right just driving around at 1:30 AM! No thank you! Too many good guys out there to let bad guys win! Stay strong! Take care of YOU
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I would not persue the relationship. Someone will find you enough, and won’t treat you like that. That’s his issue and not yours, you deserve better imo
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Leave. Even if he tells you he wasn’t doing anything, clearly he was! Do not let him tell you otherwise and DO NOT let him convince you- you didn’t see what you saw in his email while looking over the fact that he left at 1 am to “drive around”. 
Youre entire marriage will be that way if you stay. Put your foot down and be done. Obviously he doesn’t care anyway. So move on without him.
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I could had never married my husband if I didn’t completely trust him. I have no doubt that what he tells me is true. If you have doubts now then move on. You really need to feel trust before you marry someone. I mean feel it in your bones. I go to bed knowing my husband will not cheat on me. It is a great feeling. Don’t settle for less.
I wouldn’t stay around because its just going to get worse. I wasted 7 yrs of my life on someone who cheated constantly. Would even block my phone number while I was home alone with the kids and he was out with the girl we split up over. You deserve better.
RED 
!!! 1. You found proof. 2. He’s going to deny it allll day long. 3. Trust your intuition. It won’t steer you wrong. 4. If he thinks he can get away with it, and you forgive him, he will continue to do it!!! You deserve respect and honesty. Everyone does!!!
Find the strength to choose yourself above all others and you will find your peace. If he is a part of that peace then it will work out but if he’s not the universe will make you outgrow him. It all depends on you and the love you have for yourself. 
good vibes your way. I’ve been there wayyy too many times love:green_heart:
Bye. Pick yourself up brave the temporary heart break for a better life without the repeat heartbreak it’s rare people change so once a cheater always a cheater. He went looking for it, so it’s not like it was an oops passion in the moment thing. He will go looking again!
Would pack his things and leave them by the door 
def cheating darling. Don’t let him play you
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He’s obviously lying. Maybe he did something, maybe he didn’t, but he obviously met someone. Is that something you can forgive? I mean truly forgive and work past? If not, then walk away. If you can then find out the whole truth, make sure he wants to fix things too and make a plan. Something is broken. It’s not easy to fix. It will take work from both of you. If you’re both not willing then you are both better off ending it now.
I agree. Be calm and rational. You are strong beautiful and smart. It is better to deal with thus now than later. If he cannot be honest with you now, and be trusted, now is the time to find this out. Better to walk away now than after. Pray for you and him. There is someone out there for you, don’t rush be true to yourself. You will live and survive.
Well u need some respect . Ask him out right. Remember if allows this to continue. Than you is a fool. U have feelings. Make it other way round he be gone.
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First thing you do is make sure you have your own money, a car in your name and a safe place. Then put his ass to the curb. Take a bubble bath and relax.
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If you stay you are setting the standard for your relationship. Your gut has already told you the truth. Listen to it.
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Trust your gut as hard as it is to leave someone you love. Do it now before you get married and especially before children are involved. Trust me! I’ve been there. Mine started out similar and then I ignored it and believed him. 8 yrs later and after leaving 7 times before staying gone and getting beat. he’s in prison now and has no one knows how many kids. (Two I know of while we were married an one of those he got pregnant while I was pregnant with our son). Leave now. Please. It doesn’t get better. My children and I struggle daily still and we have been free for 3 years
Uhhh break it off and move on . No need for that. You’re not even married and he’s already doing this. Emails are Enough.
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There is no question as to what you should do. You already know what you should do. If that’s the kind of life you want to live-keep him. If you know your worth and know you deserve better-get rid of him.
Ask him straight out - if they gonna cheat being engaged definitely not ready to get married yet- I know it breaks your heart but it’s better finding out now and after you get married any cheats PS I would get an STD check
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Sometimes we pray so hard we miss the signs that are being put before us . We try so hard holding on , we lose ourselves . Speaking from experience . You woke up for a reason .
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NOPE!! BIG RED FLAGS!!! If he couldn’t sleep why not just hang out in the house? And if he needed to go out and drive, why not wake you first and let you know where he was going?? If I woke up to my hubs out at 130am “driving around”, I would let him know to keep driving and not come back!! Cheating is a deal-breaker for both of us. It is one of the ground rules we set right from the get go and that was almost 13 yrs ago!! Good luck Mama <3
I’d break up with him and tell him to move out or I’d move out. I’ve stayed with several guys in almost identical situations and it only got worse. End it now before it gets worse. You’re worth more than that. You will find someone who treats you like gold.
Trust your gut instinct…its your guardian angel! Bizarre and dishonest behaviour, dont settle for a bad relationship…say goodbye, and only accept better
My ex was using a website like that. I know one thing for sure, he wouldn’t be my fiancee anymore… Get rid of that negativity, hes toxic. It wont stop, you’ll always feel like shit wondering and worrying. Definitely not worth it.
Kick him to the curb because he will keep on doing this to you and you deserve more than that . We all do as woman men can and should not treat any woman they live like that stay strong you will get threw this
Leave and don’t look back. Be glad you didn’t marry him. This could be a sign that he’s not the one for you…
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Sorry this happened to you. Cheaters rarely if ever change and your trust is broken forever. Not worth it
Luckily you’re not married yet. Get out before it gets even more complicated…
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Tell him what you love about him. Tell him what you respect about him. Tell him you need to be in am honest relationship and you would totally embrace the truth if it was spoken
Be glad you found out now before you married him. No excuses dump him if you forgive his behavior it will get worse and you deserve someone who would never hurt you.
thankfully, you found out before you married the AH… toss him to the curb. YOU deserve better.
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I think you already know what others are advising you to do. If trust is broken, then it is ALMOST impossible to gain it back. If he really cares for you. then he will try to reconsile himself. If not…move out and move on. Prayers for you and you pray also. React soon!!!
Well the first question is… Is it typical for him to drive around like that even during the day? Is he having a hard time at his job?
I’d say keep your mouth shut and wait for real evidence through his emails…then once you get that real evidence you can slam it in his face and hand him his luggage!!!
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Be thankful you found it now as your fiancé , walk away tall . Trust me I forgave & forgave & it went on for years we finally separated when he was sleeping with the football team mom while I was at soccer with my daughter
Suspicious behaviors and your gutt intuition are probably spot on. If you are only engaged just think of this sort of behavior when your married. If he’s truly dedicated to you he will be completely honest and not sneaking around. If he is messing around before marriage GET RID OF HIM. They don’t usually change AFTER you get married and if they do stop the cheating it’s only for a short time then it starts all over again with the lies and broken 
heart issues. That happened to me with my last boyfriend and I ended it quick.
Stop going through his phone and trust your man! Damn, if he says he was out driving around then he was out driving around. We all get spam emails that dont mean we are apart of it.
If you stay, do you feel comfortable to confront him and stay with him? If you leave will you feel like it’s the right choice. We have gut feelings for a reason, follow yours.
You need to ask him outright that’s not fair to keep you guessing hun x and you deserve better if that’s what hes been up to x
I wouldnt have him as my fiance anymore! Time to go. Whether he was being unfaithful or not that behavior is dodgy and uncalled for.
If hes going out at nite and not working no need to ask him anything tell him to leave not rocket science
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Leave now before you’re married with kids and you get sick of the betrayal. Trust me. You will never be able to trust him again. You will always be paranoid. You will hate yourself and resent him. It’s one big mess.
I think you know what to do, but the right answer scares you. It’s better you found out now, then after marriage. The right thing to do is not always the easiest way.
Leave!
Men in love do not sneak, lie or cheat. Period.
The emails and him being gone at 1:30 am is evidence enough.
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Maybe don’t jump to conclusions…
yes, he was out at a late hour but that’s really all you have to go on besides some dating emails (which we all get spammed with). Unless you have him on some sort of curfew or you guys have a history of him cheating or mistrust between you two I wouldn’t get carried away. Not enough details here to be able say break up or not
You know what to do and at least you won’t have to go through a divorce. You can do it and you deserve better.
Same thing would happen to me. I stayed for sooooo long. 15 years. Never got better finally left. It’s been the best 3 years without him
Okay I’m gonna be honest. I know someone who did this to the girl they were seeing. Why? Because he didn’t care for the relationship. He felt disrespected and had no trust for her or the things she said and did. Their relationship was a ticking time bomb.
If you can’t think of a reason he feels unfulfilled, then he is second guessing marriage (maybe he thinks he’s not ready to settle down? Some men feel this strongly)
I’m not saying there’s a reason or excuse, I’m just saying bigger picture it could just be fear driven.
He is not the man for you and deep in your heart you know it. Be brave, walk away from him he will only cause you heartache.
It’s obvious that he’s not ready for marriage and if I were you, I’d get rid of him. He chose to sit there and lie when he should’ve been telling you the truth. Trust your instinct, he’s not worth it.
Theirs plenty of fish out in the sea. I would not stay with him cuz all trust is going yo be broken. An you can’t have a relationship with NO trust…
I would get to the bottom of it. I would tell him what you found and go from there…
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Cut your losses, which aren’t really losses with a guy doing that stuff, and move on about your business. You deserve better.
Miss from u can’t trust him that relationship over so trust your gut instinct next!
I’ve had this happen one time. We were together for several years and he didn’t come home. I waited on the couch and when I heard the key turn the door knob I pretended to be asleep. I let him go in the room and get in bed. I walked into the room and got in bed and asked where he was very calmly. He told me to go to sleep he was tired. So I asked one more time very calmly and he said the exact same thing. So I have a really bad temper and I started to beat the crap out of him and he left. I went to Walmart grabbed new locks and went home changed the locks out. Packed up his stuff and set it outside. Done! I didn’t look back.
First of all see if he read the emails, continued on to the website, replied. Etc.
Make sure they aren’t just spam. Heck, I get emails for random hotties wanting to hook up lol.
Talk to him. Ask the damn questions.
Go with your gut.
Pray.
Oh you need to leave him ASAP. That is clearly wrong! Good thing your not married yet and no kids.
Leave him if nothing else the cheating is bad enough but think of what he could bring home to you!
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Suspect.
2 choices believe you guts and save your dignity
or turn a blind eye and prolly deal with this later when it gets worst
Sounds simple but it’s not
Sorry men think this is ok
Wish you nothing but the best
My ex husband did that shit and I discovered that he was having an affair with a naive 21 year old girl who claimed she didn’t know he was married or had a kid. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Left him soon after.