What Would You Do If Your Ex-Spouse Refuses To Be Seen With You?

Relationships
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QUESTION:

“Please post. Anonymously. I need feedback because I am hurting badly right now. My child’s father is very ashamed of me. He has never introduced me to anyone he knows. This hit home yesterday. Our daughter turned one on Tuesday. For the last month, I have been talking to him about doing something for her birthday. I don’t have a large family or many friends. It was always my understanding we would celebrate with my kids and his sons. But he never really committed to anything, so I just thought he wasn’t on board. Yesterday I found out he’s planned an entire party with a woman he is seeing. He didn’t tell me about it at all. He’s so ashamed to be seen in public with me that he won’t even celebrate my child’s birthday with me. And I am so depressed. I thought we were good and had a decent friendship. We were still sleeping together, but he planned to celebrate my daughter without me and didn’t even tell me. I told him she’s not going. And I know I’m petty, but I’m just so hurt. Please tell me what you would do?”

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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

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“It sounds like yall are not together. If so hes not obligated to you only your child and vice versa. Stop sleeping with him ASAP. Do your own thing and let him do his.”

“You are allowing him to have his cake and eat it to. You keep sleeping with him even though he keeps showing you he doesn’t respect or want anything with you. You need to work on yourself. You need to find a way to get your confidence and love yourself. If not for you to show your child how to be a strong person. First step- strictly coparent, nothing else.”

“You’re not a couple. He doesn’t care. Let him be a father to his kid, and that’s it. Move on with your life. Go to therapy, work on yourself.”

“First off - you need to know that you are nothing to be ashamed of. Apparently he is just using you- for sex and as a babysitter. You need to stand up and be the awesome woman you are. You know you are - the Mighty Creator does NOT make ANYONE less than another. You are a woman, mother, friend and you are strong - get your ducks in a role - he isn’t going to like not having control - only you can understand his behavior/ his reaction - be prepared for the worse and pray for the best. Remember YOU deserve to be treated with respect - demand it.”

“Don’t use your child as a weapon. The issues here are between you and him, not the child. Stop sleeping with him, let her go to the party and create your own party/day fun with her.”

“Honey, you need to send him packing right now! Stand up for yourself and show you child how not to be treated. I raised 3 children on my own because they had an abusive father. And the way he is treating you is emotional abuse. You are worth more!”

“For your daughter’s sake….let her go have fun with her daddy, and when it is convenient, spend a day with your daughter doing something special for her birthday, just you, and her!! Everyday was always special with my kids…so I never was real concerned about what day, and when their father took them!!!”

“You cant keep her from him just because your feelings got hurt. That’s not fair to your daughter!”

“He doesn’t want to be seen in public with you or let you connect with anyone he knows because he doesn’t want anyone knowing about you or that he’s married and he doesn’t want you finding out everything he’s really doing. It has nothing to do with him being ashamed of you. He’s running games… like he’s playing the whole arcade.”

“Move on. You deserve so much more.”

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If he has sons from before you, were you sleeping with him while he was married? Because then you’re the other woman/side piece that he’s not attached to and has moved on from, and now he’s with another woman and you’re still sleeping with him even though he has about as much respect for you as for a rug.

Cut him off, no more sex, no more tears when you keep putting yourself in a vulnerable position with a man that doesn’t care about you, and if he’s not paying child support, get on that now.

Right now, you’re giving him everything, he’s giving you nothing, and he’s pretending that the new woman is mommy. YOU get your daughter that YOU are raising for her birthday; custodial agreements beyond that should be sorted out along with child support payments.

Don’t be ashamed that he doesn’t want to be ashamed of you…but think twice over crying & agonizing over a man that jumps from woman to woman, has multiple kids by different women, and shows you, the mother of his daughter, absolutely NO respect when it took 2 people to make that daughter.

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Well it’s a shame you fell for this clown and had a child with him. But let that be the end of it just plan on having small birthday parties with your child with your family and friends until they get to school and then the parties will get bigger as you plan one for when they are with you and let him do whatever when they are with him. A smart child will see through the BS faster than you think if one parent is doing nothing to be a co-parent with the other. My ex doesn’t want to be around be and it was because she was cheating on me and she feels guilty and we had two kids they are both over thirty now and I’ll admit it took longer for my daughter to call her Mom out on the BS but it came down to Dad will be here you come if you want. So just deal with this as it is this guy is a serial cheater and always will be and the kids will figure it out and do the right thing !! For you just hold your head up and keep looking forward and something good will happen for you.