What would you do if your partners family didn't like you?

My partner’s family and relatives used to be nice to me when we haven’t met each other yet personally and was just talking thru facetime. Then the time had come that I needed to live with them so my partner can save money because we have been renting our place for a while, so we agreed for my kids and me to live with his family. At first, everything seems to be expected, but as the days go by, I noticed the indifferent act towards me and even found out that they are spreading false gossip about me because of that and them also hurting my kids in front of my face because they said for them to be disciplined as early as a kid I insisted to leave the place and be with my partner again. It’s been years since I moved out from that place, and it feels so good, but now everything I do, say or post on my own page always has a negative comment about it. As for me, I don’t really make it a big deal because my little family is my priority, but you know, when you think about it, I felt devastated and troubled inside because of the trauma I got from them. I didn’t know if there’s something that I should be sorry for, I blocked them in all my social media account, but they still get to talk to my kids thru my partner’s. One of their relatives told me that their attitude is really like that since then and that I need to put up with it and that they don’t like me for their son/ relative because I didn’t finish college, not well off, and my family background is not good. It pains my heart. I envy those who have a good relationship with their inlaws. My partner wanted us to get married, but his family makes me worried, so I keep on saying No, though, assuring him that I love him; any thoughts? Thanks!

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What would you do if your partners family didn't like you?

I wouldn’t care about it. I wasn’t born to please them.

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Not care, still be nice!

Idc tbh because HE loves me. And he knows me. That’s what matters.

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Depends on his reaction… if he stands up for you and your relationship, good. If he doesn’t, I’d reevaluate.

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My in laws have hated me since day one. We’ve been together 6 years. I just don’t pay them no mind. Not worth my time. However I would not marry a person that would not stick up for me and defend me. While my in laws and I don’t get along, my husband put his foot down and does not allow them to talk bad about me.

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I am so sorry your having to deal with this, as I am a very very unfiltered person, I let them know how I felt, and that was after they did my kids and I wrong and telling my s/o that my kids and I were not family, so they are no longer allowed at our home, I tried so hard and invited them for everything, and nothing, and all they have is bad stuff to say about me, so I just gave it to them, let them know what is really going to happen, I take care of my own and my s/o does as well and he chose us over them, you take care of you and yours, not to please other people. Your man knows your a good women.

What matters is how HE feels about you not them . Some people are just toxic . Worry about keeping a happy and healthy relationship for him and your children and you and don’t let them bring you down . Keep shining on :heart:

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Your need to move it is to much on them

Your marrying your partner not them. Hopefully he sticks up for you

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Just don’t hang out with them

where did you live before you guys got together??? Plus how long did you live with them,? And with the kids, maybe the kids weren’t what they expected, Maybe the kids were all over the place all the time, making a mess & that is not what they expected. If you guys love each other & want to get married, get married, Just stay away from his family or the ones that are a pain in the ass

He should be standing up for you. If not then he doesnt give a fuck.

I’m sorry, “hurting my kids in front of my face because they said for them to be disciplined“ are you saying they literally hit your kids!?

The fact that your partner has not stepped in and told them to knock all this shit out ASAP is astonishing to me.
If he is not standing up for you and those kids whose lives he has CHOSEN to be in, I’d worry more about that than the asshole family.

Maybe jealous you are taking their son from them! Idc what ur damn background is everyone has their own story! And ppl do change for the better! Kill them with kindness and don’t let it bother you

Question is if he sticks up for you in the end or does he allow it to happen without saying anything?

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First of all you are not dating or them i don’t think my Mother in law really likes me but my hubby always takes up for me but i don’t let it bother me i just don’t visit but maybe twice a year and she is so old now she doesn’t come to our home.

You’re able to pick and choose who ever you talk to. Shoot. You can even pick and choose what inlaws and blood relatives you want around and in your home. You marry the man not the family .

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that is a huge red flag

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What does he say? Does he defend you, or let it go? That tells a lot!!! My ex wouldn’t stand up for me and it caused many problems for us. My husband now will put a stop to any and all negativity from his family. I have cut all ties with my in-laws and so has my husband for the most part. We have peace in our lives because of that move!!

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He should be sticking up for you, sorry to hear I don’t either have a good relation with my in laws or family, i am 28 years old and I’ve survived, made it. I’ve got a good woman, Now I have 1 biological daughter and 2 step daughters, if hes not doing anything about it you need to make your own happiness I guess with u and your kids.

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Im so sorry you’ve been treated so badly… I wouldn’t worry about it if your partner has your back. I know it hurts. But you know you’re a good person and that’s what matters.

I could never marry into a family that didn’t accept me again.

I made the mistake once and it wasn’t worth it. I would re-evaluate your relationship and what you are willing to deal with long term.

As long as he’s got your back, fuck em

If you do get married, you need to move far away so they aren’t a regular part of your life.

If they’re willing, it may be good to sit down with them and your partner and see if you all can hash it out. Maybe there were misunderstandings that can be cleared up. If not then you need distance from them.

I’m big on talking things out. In my experience, issues like these often stem from a difference of opinion, belief or understanding. I have gone straight up to people and asked, in a friendly way, if I did something to them, for them to to treat me the way they do. More often than not, they say, no, then they explain what their issue is. The majority of the time, we end the conversation laughing about how stupid it was to not speak sooner. 9 out of 10 times, it was over something so trivial. As far as your partner goes, If he doesn’t already, he needs to put his foot down. Yes, that is his family, but he chose to spend his life and start a family with you. Whether they like it or not, you’re there to stay. He needs to make that crystal clear. They don’t necessarily need to like you, but they do need to treat you with respect.

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This is hard… not everyone is gonna like you, and it’s hard to accept that, but sometimes you have to do that for your well being and your family… I am kinda dealing with something similar. There are members of my SO others family and a few of his friends that I don’t like (and they don’t like me end have made it known) They’re disrespectful and rude…which is ultimately why I don’t care for them… after being treated like crap over and over I got sick of it and spoke up. Now they’re not Welcome to my home… or around my kid. I have a daughter to raise and it’s important she isn’t around toxic people who make her mom feel bad about how she chooses to raise her! I used to care too much what people thought of me. I’d go out of my way to please, I just don’t care anymore. And my partner and I are on the same page about stuff. He’s my family and I’m his. Weather anyone likes it or not :woman_shrugging:t2: you just have to focus on your family… if he has your back that’s really all that matters… it won’t matter what anyone says cause he has your back… ultimately if they respected your husband they wouldn’t be treating you that way. That’s what it boils down too. Some people are just toxic and you gotta worry about you and your family!

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Never allow outside influences & opinions effect your relationship. I have been thru something similar, my husband has too…on both ends & when you allow the negativity to creep into your relationship, it never has good results. You must agree to not allow things that are said to come between the two of you. Yes, that is his family. Yes, they’re not going anywhere. HOWEVER, he chose YOU to be his family and no matter what your home should always be first and top priority. Period. I see a lot of folks on here saying that he needs to “defend” you…that only creates more drama & tension. ((Now if they’re calling you a whole B word and he hears that, yes he should address that in the moment)) But, having him go back & forth fussing with them doesn’t help anyone. If you BOTH feel the need to address the situation, it should go more like him telling them, “look she and I are together, my family comes first & I will no longer tolerate disrespect. If you disrespect her, you’re disrespecting ME as well”.

Bc the fact of the matter is that these types of issues can and will seep into your every day life and can destroy your relationship…

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Relationships can be hard. Talk with him about these things. If he cares his actions will show. Extended family can make it hard. Having your own place can help alot. So sorry to hear. If you both still have :cupid: for each other. It’s worth it… Boundaries. Take care. :heart::heart::heart:

My now ex really didn’t like me I could care less we had a disagreement & broke off for few days he cried about it his parents saw him cry & said i was not welcome over there house no more we did end up getting back together mind u he lives at home 52 yrs old I always told him u need to tell ur parents I’m not dating them stay out of our relationship I just got tired after 17 yrs mama& daddy’s boy

I’d tell whoever is gossiping about what is being said that I’d prefer not to hear it. And to other’s not to speak negatively about you to your children. It’s never a good idea to move into anyone elses home as an adult. There’s usually going to be some kind of friction with personalities

Im kinda going through this. But I look at it this way. I’m with him not his family…im pregnant with our baby and it hasn’t been an easy pregnancy. But he recently told me someone called me selfish . I dont care anymore. Yeah it hurt my feelings but I’m not gonna waste my breath. If they wanna be miserable and talk about you let them. Just worry about you and your kids!

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What you said makes absolutely no sense. You and your kids moved in with his family he didn’t . But you left them and moved back in with him. Pieces are missing here .

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Been there and tried and tried but some of them are just awful people and there’s no changing that. He needs to step and defend you immediately to anyone talking down on you and you should focus more on those that love and support you rather than those that really aren’t worth a single thought. Don’t care about what they think of you, it’s not them you’re with in the end. What he thinks and if he steps up and speaks up in your defense is what matters.

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This is picture of what my in laws remind me of

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My mother inlaw didn’t like me either because she thought there was someone better for her baby than me. I proved that she was wrong. Your in laws need to grab a brain and see that your good for their son and treat you better.

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If your partner has your back, why give a f about who likes you and who doesn’t, unless they chose the wife for their son , there is no in-laws who gonna love you 100% no matter how good they act in front of you plus lots of people don’t even talk to those in-laws and they’re still thriving in their relationships, don’t force issues, live your life and stop feeding on negativity, avoid gossip.

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How do i make a post to ask for advice on something?

You can’t control people places or things. While yes it may hurt but you shouldn’t let it affect you. You can only control yourself and your reaction to their bs. There’s nothing you can do about it.

There’s two sides to every story,if this is their only reason for not liking you then I wouldn’t pay any mind to them ,ur with him and marrying him not them ,who cares what they think

Get married but dont invite them

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Nothing, you’re not with them your with your partner

My husband’s parents don’t like me. I struggled with that for years because I always wanted their approval. I dealt with things from they saying I cheated to they saying our kids are not his. Year after year and then I realized I needed to stop. Stop wanting their approval 9r them to like me. Yo I’m talking they hate me so much they didn’t come to our wedding eh. Anyways I stopped wanting their approval and started focusing on my relationship. The only thing that really matters is how my husband feels about me. He loves me. He cares for me. He trusts me. That is enough. He and I live together with our kids and we’re happy and that is what matters. Nothing else does. So I blocked it out. If we visit I’m polite and respectful and they don’t visit our home. Added to that they have a strained relationship with their son,my husband since they hurled all the false accusations at me and denied that 2 of their 3 grandkids are not theirs because their hair is different. They are african and I’m indian and 2 of our kids have hair like mines but one of our kids have mixed hair. All 3 look like their dad. I’m talking eyes nose everything but because their hair is different…anyways my advice is ignore them. Leave them to say whatever and don’t stress your partner abt it because this isn’t abt him and you. It’s abt them and you. I never stressed my hubs abt it because he already stressed because he’s hurt by his folks behavior so I’m not adding to that especially when we’re happy and far from them. I suggest you do the same.

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Am I the only one who doesn’t understand anything you are trying to say??? 😵‍💫

Just because they don’t like you it shouldn’t stop you from marrying the man you love. If you love him then marry him. You are letting the stress of them ruin your life.
So he has a horrible family. No one has a perfect family. You need to be an adult about this and take the high road. If you keep stressing over gossip, your kids will feed into that… show your kids you are better than them. When I hear gossip about me, I laugh and I’m like oh my… what else did I do!?? Lol haters hate that! Just laugh it off and love what you have in the moment. Your boyfriend is still loving you and you are blessed to have kids…that’s all you need in life…. Don’t let haters run your life dear! :heart:

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If you partner is standing up for you , they don’t matter . If my in laws or his family didn’t like me , oh well . I didn’t marry them , I married him . Yes , they come with him but if he loves me and sees them treating me any type of way he will cut them off from his life . If they disrespect you , that means they are disrespecting him .

Maybe you should ask your partner to speak to them about why it is they treat you this way and what do you do to have them dislike you… then your partner should tell them to accept you and to stop interfering and if he wants to marry you then this kind of stuff has to stop or he needs to take a stand and speak up… how awful to feel this way and for it to continue… ask him to please support you and to put a foot down with it.

Sounds like some Narcissists in that family! Keep them AND their flying monkeys blocked off your social media. Instagram and tiktok have great therapists to follow to teach you how to deal with these situations- by searching “narcissist”. You’ll have to decide if you love him enough to stay with him and not have a life (holidays, etc) with his family.
I wasted 12 years of my life being heart broken over people that hate me bc of acouple narc in-laws that lie about me. There’s absolutely nothing I could/can do about it. If I had been equipped with knowledge about how narcs operate I could have healed and helped my heart move past it much much sooner. It IS still sad though. If you love him & he loves you- you can work through it. If he’s a narc too- run

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It’s up to your partner to stand up to them for you. and if he cant then that’s your answer. Leave him

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Girl i been thru the same. I just keep to myself, i don’t even tell them about my accomplishments nor troubles. I had to tell hubby to keep our business ours and to not share shit with them. I see thru them and their fakeness.

Screw in laws. Dont need them. Worry about you and your family. Things started out great with my in laws as well. My husband’s sisters and me got along and me and his mom were going doing everything together …thrift shopping…crafts…etc. Then…me and him married. Suddenly, his sisters and mom all turned on me one by one…saying i was breaking up the family and treating the kids we had together like crap…while giving extra attention to his sister’s kids…Calling me worthless bc i quit working after my first turned 6 months to be a stay at home mom…Constantly did everything they could to get me and him to divorce. Finally got him to agree to block them all last year and things have been a lot better ever since. Block them from your lives…get your partner to as well…and things will be a lot better.

Marry him, just make it clear that you won’t deal with the toxic shit his family brings.

I wouldn’t care if I ever seen them again with that energy :woman_shrugging:t2: block them don’t go around them ever unless you like feeling uncomfortable and move on with your family you made!!

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Probs split up, u marry someone u generally marry their family too. Not worth making the person u love piggy in the middle :woman_shrugging: would only make them unhappy as well as yourself. Your partners family is important, especially if they are close x

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There’s no place like home!
Find your own place.

Honestly, screw them. You owe them nothing and he needs to support you.

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Shiiiiii, Imma go to every family get together and to look em in the eye’s and laugh!

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You’re making a life with your partner not their family

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My ex husbands family didnt like me till we got divorced almost 16 years later. They realized I was the way I was with him to try to keep him as a decent human. Now he has nobody to remind him to do so and hes a piece of crap. They now see it, all of them. They love me now. Too little too late but oh well.

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You can’t expect everyone to like you but he should be defending your character.

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Firstly you made the mistake of moving in with his family without him. Bad move. Secondly people always have there own opinions of how children should be raised and obviously you didnt do or act how they wanted you to so that being said you created the drama by moving in to begin with. And as for you wanting them to like you and care for you it will never change there choices have been made. Now as for you and him and the kids that’s your family now and that’s all that matters. His family is his family and also the children’s family that also you can not change. Deal with you and him and the kids and stop worrying about their approval because it’s never going to happen if he is happy with you than be happy in what you have. And as for a wedding if u love him and he loves you then get married. But do not live your life needing the acceptance of his family. And if it bothers you that much then you need to decide if you can stay with him or not. But I think ruining a good thing because of his family is bullshit. Best of luck

Let it go. It’s hard to do but move forward and don’t worry about them. If they are harassing your kids file a police report. Your husband also needs to remove them from his social media. We put up with my in laws nonsense for years. I had made a post about our kids saying “proud Trinitalian kids” (I’m Trinidadian and he’s Italian) and a few of his family said “only true blood Italians are family “ so they can kiss my ass

Why don’t you live with your partner? I wouldn’t put up with his families attitudes.

Make it LEGAL and get married.

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I dont get along with my inlaws they blame me for taking their son away but they never had anything to do with him and never come around anyways they make it easy honestly… they are so rude and play the victim in their story to everyone its not my fault they dont know how to visit🤷🏼‍♀️

My ex husband’s family didn’t like me. I was 15, he took me across the border, I got pregnant, when we returned we were married. He was 22. So… they honestly treated me like shit. Except his mom and grandma and a brother and a sister, the rest (5 brothers, 6 sisters) treated me like a tick on a dog…
I never trusted them either because of it. My ex was a drunk, a womanizer, a cheater, an addict and didn’t treat me like he loved me. He loved our kids. And then he left to Mexico and never looked back… leaving all 4 kids to be raised by me alone…

Honestly just deal with them as little as possible. My in laws hate me, and they’ve never even met me. They heard my last name and it was game over they thought I was part of a different family. :rofl: We just don’t talk to them. 🤷🏻

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Have no contact and don’t allow kids near them

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I would have a conversation with the boyfriend, and if he can’t stand up to them then leave!!! No need to keep wasting time, and hurting yourself!!! The last time an ex boyfriend relative disciplined mine in front of everyone…I made sure to embarrassed that person in front of his family!!! I don’t play about my kid’s period!!!

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Never let your “family” ruin your family!

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Can he not say something to them? If you can’t marry him cuz of this then say so. Aand then see how he handles it.

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I thought my ex husband’s parents were bad. Just to realized now with regrets that they weren’t that so bad. Now that I’m with a new guy and his families are actually WORST than my ex husband’s family! My bf’s families are worst because they are crazy, and greedy! But if i were you, as long as your man stands up for you!

If he isn’t standing up for you when his family is being that disrespectful then is he going to stand up for you after your married probably not.

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Family is important to me so honesty…i would reach out to them and apologize if i did anything to upset them. I would also say that having a good, healthy relationship with them is very important to me.
But if they just ignore you or really do dislike you for petty things…like not finishing College…then I would just stop worrying About it and pray that they become more humble bc if not… they would only be making themselves unhappy.

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Moving in with others typically sours the relationship. Idk if you talk with the home owner about moving or just the BF but that could be it if you didn’t. Maybe they’re just miserable people we don’t know. All you can control is contact with them, if someone’s lied about you address it openly before it becomes “truth”. Get married if you want his family isnt a part of your marriage.

Fk them. Mine are aholes too and I’ve taken them off and couldn’t care less. But they aren’t welcomed in my childs life either and my partner has agreed to this.

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I dont care. They can dislike me all they want (for no reason)…
…no sweat of my tits🤣

Tell them to get lost

You should attempt to contact them to resolve unspoken issues. I mean honestly - is it possible that you unknowingly offended them in some way while living under their roof? I know I’m definitely not perfect, none of us are and maybe a simple conversation with the in-laws could put things in the past and you could all move forward in a positive way. I personally would never reject my partner asking to get married over this. Like you said it’s your family you focus on. However if your husband doesn’t defend you that’s a whole other issue. You need to try to set things right with a sit down between you, your boyfriend and his parents and attempt to settle this and move on. Once the I laws are pacified, they’ll express contentment to other relatives I’d bet, and hopefully the others will lay off.

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My partners family doesn’t like me and that’s just to damn bad :laughing::laughing:
We honestly just don’t have any association with them.

If your partner is not telling them to stop and choosing you now they won’t when yon are married

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Have nothing to do with them

You need to put up with that? No. No you don’t.

Sounds like very controlling narcissistic parents who when they lost control decided to make you the bad guy.
You do not have to get along or agree with anything to do with his family, block them on everything social and don’t go to family functions.
I would never tell my partner that could not have a relationship with their family but I do not have to be around toxic people and I refuse to do so.
blood, related by marriage, I don’t care.

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had the same problem pretty much. had to cut them off from my presence due to their toxic mean verbal and actions. I did marry my guy and have been happy ever since

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My husbands parents didnt like me either. They preffered his girlfriend

Seriously why care if they don’t like you . As long as your partner does . And doesn’t allow them to disrespect you . It’s not important if they like you or not . Mine doesn’t really like me . Gave me a hard time when we first started dating. Now I think they just put up with me . But I honestly don’t care . I’m just nice and respectful towards them and leave it at that .

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What would you do if your partners family didn't like you?

I’ll just be real honest with you no matter how much you love that man or how much that man loves you. that family is always gonna be a problem. you’re gonna have to put your foot down and stand tall when it comes to them and your partner as well. he should very well stand up for you and your children. And if he don’t then leave trust me your life will be a lot better I’ve been through this . only talking from experience

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move 2,000 mile or move to anothercounry. I put up with 40 years of mother in law snide emarks fialy we otally stopped visiing and we moved across country. Kids saw their grandmother every 10 years. So motherin laws take a lesson. no with 50 plus years its the brother and sister in law who are cauisng problem.

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Move on ahead & live your life

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Half my boyfriends family doesn’t like me… Don’t care… the other half loves me… the half that has nothing nice to say aren’t on my Facebook… or blocked… they can deal with deal with their own bullshit drama … And we are going on 8 years… I can have a great relationship with him without the ones that have a problem with me… I don’t have to have a relationship with them to have a relationship with him…

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Having your own space is the best feeling in the world. If they don’t like you, so be it. You do not have to please them. At least you now know what kind of family your partner has. :wink:

Your partner needs to put his foot down when it comes to respecting you. If he can’t do that, it’s going to be something you will have to deal with during your relationship. Sorry been there, luckily my husband defends me but there is a lot of drama that pops up here and there, people don’t change. My grandfather on the other hand always wanted to keep the peace and my grandma suffered for years.

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Let it go!
They aren’t your keeper. Enjoy your little family and love your partner.
Let them wallow in their own destructive behavior.
You owe them nothing.
Been there. Didn’t let it bother me. Unless they inflict something toward my kids. Than I become the Lioness and f protection :sparkling_heart:
God Bless you and your Little Family :palms_up_together:t3:

Tell him communication is key

I talked to my mom about how hard she is/was on my brothers wives and she slammed her hand down on the table (out of character for her) and almost yelled that no one will be good enough for her sons! Me I am grateful for my mother in law for bringing my husband in to this world. However I would never live with my in-laws, we are friendly but living with them is not an option. Good luck and God bless, get married and accept that not everyone is going to support or like you.

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Remember all of this. So one day when you are a mother-in-law, you will have learned how not to f*ck it up. This is my one positive take away from my own personal experience with my mother-in-law

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