If you’re done with it then you’re done with it. It’s great he says he’ll get sober but it just sounds like he’s trying to get you back then when he has you he goes back to his ways. I’m also sorry for the people who have told you to just get back with him, no one deserves to be abused. I know it’s hard when you have kids, but honestly if it were me I would keep moving forward without him. You staying will just show the kids it’s okay to be treated like this, and it’s a very toxic thing for kids to watch. Best of luck!
If he hasn’t changed 5yrs and 3kids later he isn’t going to. You given him multiple chances but has yet to change so I wouldn’t trust his word. Honestly staying in the relationship isn’t healthy for your children. They are going to grow up thinking his behavior is normal and acceptable.
My parents divorced when I was a kid because my dad was an abuse alcoholic. I was better off with them apart.
I grow up in this kind of family. Father keep promising not to drink anymore. went by years and years, his heath was deteriorating and every other month asking for forgivness because he was “dieing”. Never changed, wanted to kick out my mother from her “their” home, where my mum paid bills for decades while he was unable to work. My advice dont try to fix somthing that is broken for a very long time. Not a happy environment for ur kids to grow up.
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on making that first step towards saving yourself and your babies.
Secondly, why are YOU on the couch?
If he’s claiming to make changes, that’s where to start in my opinion.
Your kiddos know there’s something wrong, and mommy sleeping on the couch establishes that YOU are being punished in their minds.
My father is an abusive alcoholic. And he wasn’t in my son’s life for 2 years because of that.
I love my dad to death, but my kid comes first.
Ignore what people say and do what’s best for you and your babies.
Abuse is NEVER ok. And alcoholics don’t change.
I understand what you’re going through, and for that I’m sorry. I recently had my divorce finalized due to my alcoholism. I was never physically or mentally abusive I just completely shut my husband out of my life after my mother had passed away, I went to the bottle. He is 9 years my junior and hasn’t suffered the amount of losses I have (not justifying my actions, or lack there of) and he didn’t know how to handle my grieving process and he kind of left me to deal with it alone. We both closed each other out and he had had enough of my drinking. It was my 35th birthday and went to visit family in another state and ended up going to the hospital after 7 seizures b/c of my drinking, when I came to I went immediately into treatment where I was told he was filing for divorce. I was devastated (especially knowing I was losing my 3 year old as well as the man I was in love with). I have been sober for almost a year and we have been doing factime and visitation and its working out well. I want us to reconcile, but at the same time, I don’t want to jeopardize what I have so it’s definitely a matter of patience, and it is very hard. I haven’t really divulged to him my feelings, as I don’t know his, so I’m keeping it friendly and civil as is he, so I’m hoping for the best. And I wish you all the best.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What would you do in my situation? - Mamas Uncut
I’d leave him. He’s already shown he won’t make good on his promises.
Leave… he keeps showing you who he is… believe that MF and leave!
I’ve been in your shoes LEAVE
I think its hard for a stranger to say. You know whats best for you and the kids. Get divorced if that keeps you sane…if he truly cleans up…alcoholism, behavior and all you can always decide to take hime back then. If he is sincere he will do a ll the work needed
Do not take him back. Recovering addict here. Six years sober. Abuse survivor married to an addict. Run
When he is sober five years - consider taking him back. For now - run.
No he’s done this before, why would this time be any different? Don’t go back.
Definitely leave him your kids deserve so much better never take back to many red flags
Follow through. Maybe if he proves he is serious and stays sober for a few years, you can find your way back if you love each other.
Start the car and go mama! Fool me once maybe twice. But three times is beyond enough. If he truly loved, he would truly show by doing anything possible to be atleast recovering or bettering (counseling). This does not seem the case… run.
Been their…u need Al-non
No one can truly tell u what to do…I was in the same situation I left…and he never changed…
The fact that YOU are sleeping on the couch and not HIM tells me of his character of entitlement
Leave him he’s not gonna change time to move on and think of your children
Sometimes it takes something harsh as a divorce to wake them up and realize what is the most important to him !! Give him a last chance !!
Dump him and move on. Your kids lives depend on it.
Think of your children. Yes this has happened to you but they have seen and witnessed all of this as well! Think of them
I know this one you give them chance after chance and they don’t change get out while you can just saying from experience
I lived that life for 40 years they don’t change promises promises are always broken
Alcohol or not he’s hurting you and the kids. Run, don’t look back.
He will never change his ways
Children growing up in an unhealthy, bad relationship is much worse than them growing up with a single, loving parent.
I was once told when I was in my DV relationship for 10yrs.
Picture your daughter/son in a relationship like the one you’re in now and ask yourself what advice would you give to them? Would you tell them to leave or would you tell them to make it work??
If you wouldn’t like to see your child go through what you’re going through then maybe you shouldn’t be in the relationship like you are either
If you still want this relationship do everything but the divorce and if he really cares about making things work he must leave to prove it
Don’t cause your children to live in fear of this man. It could have destructive consequences in their future.
I’d leave, I left came back left 50 times probably before I ended it
Teen challenge changes life’s it’s a year program tho
call a cop, if you have filed for divorce they can make him leave. Don’t leave your home make him leave.
Nope. Continue on with the divorce. You know whats best for you and your children. You already know he won’t change so do what you gotta do
leaving was the best decision of my life & im sure it’ll be the best decision for you too !!! hang in there momma 
I’ve been there. Get out before it mess up the kids life too He has to go dedoucks himself and clean up his life. It’s up to you do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling sorry for him. Mine never changed himself and is now dead.
There are a lot of women suffering because of Love!!!
If you feel deep in your heart and soul that it is time to go, do it. Those people don’t live your life. Whatever you do, Do it for you. Do it for your kids. You deserve to be happy as do the kids. And your a better woman than me, that mf would be on the couch. 
Hope it works out for you. Follow tour heart.
He is never going to move out you are going to have to pack some bags and walk away. I have seen if with friends relationship and a family member they all had to be the best for themselves and move on. It is very hard especially with children but always best for the kids so they do t have to see that kind of behaviour anymore
I meet a man 38 years ago that I always said he got drunk at lease 3 times a day when we first got married I put up with it for about 6 months we don’t have any children together but I had of my own I finally had divorce papers airbed on him he came begging I told him it was me and the kids or the bottle so he stopped drinking on his on for me and the kids so don’t tell me that if they really love you that they won’t change mine did
He most likely won’t change and honestly if he does i think it’s too late. He has done broken so many promises and hurt you so much already that sometimes the best thing to do is move on and do what’s right for you and your babies. They deserve to see a happy mom not a miserable sad one yes i know its easier said than done been there. I have faith you can do it keep your head up momma it will get better eventually
I’m literally in this exact situation. It’s hard. It effing sucks! But I now (FINALLY) realize that I cannot help him any longer. You truly cannot help someone that does not want to help themself.
He Knows what’s on the line… and he keeps going back to it.
My man is pulling out all the stops right now to try & show me how sorry he is… how he’s going get help.
I can now clearly see that’s it’s just a desperate attempt to reel me back in. I’m heartbroken! I wish he genuine meant it. But if he Really did mean it he would have gotten his shit together the first 5 times that he almost lost us.
You can do this! So can I!
And honestly, once you’re out of all his constant roller coaster of drama, you’ll realize how much better life can be.
People like him (and mine) are TOXIC!
This is your life as much as it your kid’s lives too. You’ve only got the 1.
Don’t waste it away being the punching bag for a miserable person.
Sometimes we are supposed to love people from a distance.
You don’t wish ill of him, but girl… YOU CANNOT SAVE HIM.
Save yourself!
Those who are telling you to go back to him are the ones who don’t have to live with him, they’re not the ones that are suffering, you and your kids are. You know what’s best for YOU and most importantly for your kids. Do you want them to grow up around someone like that and think abuse is okay? Get out while you can, you got this!
He will not change, go ,go fast!!
I’d get my divorce, take my kids and walk away…I went through the same thing when my children were 4 and 8…I walked away and never looked back, I didn’t stop him from seeing our children but I didnt allow him to drink or be drunk around them…my children are grown now and tell me all the time that they themselves are proud that I left him
I wouldn’t even consider reconciliation until he has CONFIRMED AND MONITORED minimum of six months sobriety and counseling. Then go to a counselor together to discuss it if you want to consider it.
People who never do right until they’re about to lose you rarely change and become reliable partners.
Run don’t walk for you and your children sake. He will never changed.
Don’t allow your children to grow up in unhealthy relationships. It’s not fair to you either. Never stay just for “the kids”. I would still separate and make him prove it for way more than 3 months. Emotional and verbal abuse is 100x’s worse than physical. The innocent victims are suffering badly then it also drags you down being a mom. Your kids deserve to see you happy and healthy.
I would have left yesterday… and ur post never would have been posted…
lived that life…on and off for years till he died by his own hand…Go now…and don’t look back…
I think you should take a step back either way. It will give you space to think and give him and opportunity to understand your serious. People can change but they have to do it on their own. I imagine living with him is pretty confusing as well but hope for the best and prepare for the worst
You need to leave. You don’t want your children living in a house with an alcoholic abuser. Get him removed. Save yourself and your children the heartache he will being to you all.
Counseling. If he’s serious about it. File for separation and get court ordered counseling, and make him work for it. If after a year, you still feel the same. Then you did everything you possibly could and you can walk away with out guilt or regrets. Kudos to you for saying enough. Do what you think is best for your family. It doesn’t matter how everybody else feels. They’re not the one who has to live with the desicion
And…the longer u stay…if u have a son its teaching him it’s ok to treat women the way he sees his dad treating u and its teaching ur daughter it’s ok to be treated the way ur being treated! U better open ur eyes…because kids see more than u thk they do!
Can’t do it what are you show your girls I have 7 kids 5 boys and two girls I refuse for any man to put me down in front of my kids
Do what’s best for you and your kids. Some people won’t change
Hopefully he can stay sober as children need both parents and even in a relationship co parenting will be a good start for stability for children maybe never had as would off the drink with him and be more secure with their relationship with you both than have felt with drinking being an issue and the things that it’s caused and can repair the family unit and not have to be in another kind of relationship together but the most important one as parents hopefully then you may not feel so alone and actually feel supported as a parent sharing responsibility than feeling like you are having to feel more like a parent to your ex than the children most of the time because of everything happening because of his drinking and you both can work on the issues you both have through the alcoholism and things you have gone through too being together with him. It’s not up to other people to tell you what you should do you made your choice and people should be supporting you. You will always have a relationship together just hopefully with space a better one so you can both work on problems facing and support each other more not sharing the same bed but feeling alone. You know your situation better than I do I’m just trying to understand what it’s been like from the things I know addiction has & effects everyone else is more scarier and harder to deny when sober and know what is happening. Good luck and trust your instinct. Therapy for you both would still be worth it even if you don’t want to be in that sort of relationship anymore after everything you been through and have children and need to work through everything to be able to move on without having the lasting effects of trauma as badly then too 
for you all hope everything does work out well x
Leave and never look back!! Have been through something very similar, they never change. You have kids watching and the next step is things to get physical. You deserve someone who treats you right! He isn’t the one.
Plz leave I too stayed now mind u both boys remember it all the oldest is established well in life and wants for nothing and says he’s a grown man now and doesn’t have to take his dads verbal abuse even tho he hasn’t drank now but maybe a handful of times in ten years since heart attack and back surgery my youngest still struggles with a relationship at all cause the words burned him for life and at 30 he still cries when he brings up or remembers things that were said to him and the severe name calling
No…not worth stepping on egg shells. Him ruining family things, verbal abuse. Not good for the children. He’s winning. YOU sleeping on the couch. I know…you don’t want to fight. Help yourself. Try not to be afraid. Have gone through this
Anyone telling you to just take him back… doesn’t sound too concerned for yours or your children’s wellbeing. Your husband has a sickness and he needs to want to get well. It’s ok to be supportive… but I’d root from the sidelines if I were you , and remove yourself and your children.
Everyone has a Breaking Point. You will know when yours has been reached and it’s time to leave.
Leave while he is at work or out drinking -get established thru low rentals an find a support group or get him out cops will do this an nothing he can do about it restraining order
Get the kids out asap. Good grief.
I think you guys need to be separated and make him put in the work and fulfill his promises to get sober and stay sober then if you want give him another chance
Leave. If he actually cares and wants to sober up he will and do anything to get his family back. If he doesn’t then at least you and the kids are out of that toxic relationship.
Don’t listen to ANY of the people telling you to take him back. You’ve given him multiple chances. He has done nothing with those chances. For the safety and mental well-being of you and your children, follow through with your divorce, seek sole legal and sole physical custody and allow him supervised visitation until he can get his shit together.
My dad was like this when I was growing up it took him going to jail n punching a cop n the face to wake up n see what he was doing it he trashed our house that night thank God no one was home when he did . my mom stuck it out threw his drinking days how she did it Idk but I gotta follow ur heart n do what’s best for u n ur kids
My best friend left her alcoholic abusive husband over a year ago because he wouldn’t get sober. He passed away today because he refused to admit he had a problem. She tried for 29 years to get him sober, and as you can tell, was not successful. She spent 29 years being miserable. You can spend the rest of your life trying to get someone sober, but until they are ready and willing, you will not succeed.
I would make him prove to you that he is done! Words are just words without action. I wouldnt just trust after a couple of meetings or counseling or whatever… more like a year of him proving, but the emotional abuse doesnt have anything to do with the addiction. Alcohol might make it easier for him to be verbally abusive, but not the cause. That is a deeper rooted issue. Emotional wounds take longer to heal. Get yourself some help! Set boundaries, create space and time for you. I hope that you will see that you deserve so much more and there are some great people out there.
Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord. Just wait on the Lord and maybe the alcohol and abuse will go away.
Alcoholism destroys families and people think it doesn’t affect kids, but it does. Kids catch on.
Majority of the time, kids who grow up in homes with addicts (alcohol, cigarettes, weed, drugs, etc) end up becoming addicts themselves. I lived it, I’ve seen it.
Leave. Let him hit bottom so he can get help. If not, at least your kids will be in a healthier environment
It’s best to leave what your showing your kids is it’s ok to put up with behavior like that when really it ain’t… If he really wanted to get sober he would have done it along time ago don’t fall for that
I think at this point you’ve honestly emotionally checked out. Mentally you’re gone. There’s no coming back from that. Even if he does change you’ll always live in fear that that relapse is coming.
The fact that while sober he is ok with you on the couch is a big F no for me. Tell him to show you a year of sobriety.
If he truly wants to make it work, he wouldn’t be saying he isn’t going to leave until a judge makes him. He would go, get help, work on himself, and prove to you he is willing to fight for you and his family
Addicts are hard to be around, if U feel U can’t trust him at all that was his choice.
I’m an addict/alcoholic. I’ve been sober from drugs almost 15 years and struggled more severely with alcohol on and off for almost 10 years. I am 100% sober now. No alcohol in just over 3 months. I’ve been with my bf for 6.5 years. We have a child together who is almost 5 and we are raising our other 3 kids together from previous relationships. I have put my bf through hell being a roller coaster with my drinking. For me to finally snap out of it….I have been in detox multiple times, been to AA and gotten help, only to fall off the wagon each time. This last and final time…I was not allowed to come back to our home we’ve established and grew together. I had to enter into sober living for a minimum of 30 days and when I was able to leave I had to attend AA, have a specialty therapist for addiction and have a breathalyzer in my SUV. He wasn’t even going to stay with me until I completely changed.
The thing with addicts is that they have to want the help themselves or it will never work. This final time I sobered up made me click into reality, but I did it in the past only to relapse months or years later. You as a spouse and mother to your children can only do so much. Try getting him to go into sober living. It’s not easy to deal with an addict ever. I also was in your shoes before I met my bf and I dealt with it for 8 years and I finally kicked him to the curb bc I went through every resource I could find to get him help and in the end it didn’t work.
There may be some hope left in your marriage, I don’t know. If you feel like you have it in you to give him a chance and it won’t cause you or the kids harm then go for it, otherwise your other option is to leave. It’s not ever an easy choice no matter what you chose. Good luck to you and your family.
You should of left since the 1st abuse began. If you are questioning that means its time to go. So sorry to hear you are going through this. Wish you well.
It’s a control tactic hun. Do not go back trust me on this one. My dad was a blackout violent drunk and he had to hit rock bottom and almost losing his life to finally stop drinking and sadly it still killed him cause his body deteriorated after he stopped and it gave out completely. Alcoholics won’t change until they hit rock bottom literally rock bottom. Go get a protection order ASAP also since he’s been verbally and emotionally abusive and that there will get him out of the house if it’s granted. Do not listen to the people who tell to keep trying either and make your family work because they’re not the ones who are living in your shoes they’re not the ones who have been emotionally and verbally abused or the ones who have to keep dealing with it day in day out like you have. Ima take a guess here n assume that they see only the good nice family type guy when they’re around ? If so then they truly don’t know at all. A lot of people don’t understand until it happens to them. You need to protect your children no matter what and living with an alcoholic parent who is verbally and mentally abusive will mess them up sadly more than people realize. I won’t even touch alcohol cause of what it did to my dad and the childhood my sisters and I had was disastrous. My one sister she turned to drugs cause of everything n lost all rights to her 3 children. My other sister I’m not even sure tbh. So please take it from someone who was raised with an black out violent alcoholic father please get out of this marriage if not for yourself then your children sake.
You need to be happy,so does your kids,just up and leave,get the divorce. I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father,this is not good for you or the children,thoughts and prayers for you!
I spent 7 long years married to an addict who also promised me and the kids the world whenever the shit hit the fan and he was in jeopardy of losing his family! I finally started to see myself as an enabler because I allowed him to have his family and home while he did what he did! And you start to think to yourself, IS this really my life forever? Do me and kids deserve to put up with this shitty human? So if your answer to those questions are NO, then let that man go and fix himself and it’s gonna depend on how much work he puts in to stay sober, and keeping his family!! If your willing to wait for him for the sake of your family, that’s great, but you should do what’s best for your happiness 1st! The last thing you wanna do is keep waisting your time on someone who just can’t get it together! You deserve to be happy! Dont ever forget that!
Just make a fresh start
Follow ur gut… it’s the best advice u can get. Most likely he won’t change but are u willing to go through it all over is the question u need to ask urself. I was married to a man for 32 years t when one day he just decided to walk out. Hotels whores was such a better option for him….
He got hooked on meth through one of his employees and the drinking got bad. We didn’t get along at all period the last few years. Between the casinos in Oklahoma, whores, drinking and the meth which he had never been on drugs before so all of this was way new for me. The abuse and major physical abuse just got to be to much for me. I filed for divorce and it was over but like I said as I did I followed my gut. U will be fine I promise
You can’t help him, he needs to help himself. He won’t do it until he is ready. I would leave and if he really wants you and your family he will get help. Don’t waste any more time being miserable and get yourself and your child out of that situation before the abuse gets physical. Prayers going your way 
…
That’s only something YOU should decide… not others.
Ask yourself… (You do not have to answer this to anybody but yourself)…
Do you have any desire to stay married to him? Aside from doing it for your kids (NOT a reason to stay!), and being afraid of starting over and doing it all alone, do you want to stay with him?
Ultimately, all of the people telling you to stay do not have to live in your situation, and make no mistake, they wouldn’t if they could… Emotional/mental, and verbal abuse leave scars that are more deep seated and longer lasting than physical abuse… Bruises and scars fade with time, but the damage from mental/emotional abuse doesn’t go away. Your children deserve a home filled with happiness and love… if your marital home does not provide that, then you have your answer…
Your children are looking to you as their guide and you’re setting an example for how a marriage goes… do you want them to see you staying in a situation like you have described and make them think it’s acceptable and how it should be?
Move forward with your divorce. If he truly wanted to stop drinking and being mean to you he would’ve done it long before you served him divorce papers.
Leave him, he will say he’s clean and sober but will drunk behind your back. I’ve been dealing with it for the past 18 months with my sons father. He’s an alcoholic and a pot head. I ended things with him cause he would constantly lie to me about him drinking and our mutual friends at the bar would let me know he was there and the cashiers at the gas stations would tell me he was buying alcohol. And you don’t need to deal with any kind of abuse. You never know he might change or he might not, I wouldn’t risk it though. Do what you think is best, listen to your heart and follow your gut. Good luck to you sweet heart
Walk away ,a leopard doesn’t change their spots.Theres a better life out there for you.
Take it from me, someone who dated an addict that fed me all the same excuses and would never “stay sober” if he was even actually sober…at all. We have a child together and the BEST thing I ever did was walk away from him for me and my sons well being. We are so much better off without that crap!! My son has excelled in so many different ways. And our life is peaceful now. No more tension in the house. Kids feel ALL OF IT. Even if u dont think they do. My son went from sayin four words to talking in full sentences and the dr told me it was bc of the situation in the home, he was scared. Once I realized that, I felt even worse that I ever tried to make it work with his dad. I wont rant on and on but u will make that decision when you’re READY to and noone can tell u otherwise. Just know this, it feels damn good on the other side of the fence sis!!!
Sounds like you already made up your mind in filling for divorce.
You have to look at the bigger picture of what your children are witnessing happening between their parents and what they are going through as well and decide if it’s a good or bad situation.
Are your kids in a safe, loving and nurturing environment? If not stand up and change it.
Sorry but he doesnt want to stay sober. Take the kids and start a new better life for the kids.
Get out don’t take him back
Don’t go back… you have done the hardest bit. An alcoholic even after 5 years sober is an alcoholic not 3months… if he is meant to be with u again he will prove he can stay sober at least a couple of years. Your children deserve better. Stay strong 
I would make him get help to stay sober for his kids but I would not stay with him I would do it as his friend and for the kids so when they grow up they can make their own judgement of him
It’s not what other people want. It’s what your instincts are telling you. Living with an alcoholic is a hell nobody else knows.
If he really wants to be with you & the kids he will man up and get proper treatment.
If he does I think you know the answer.
Good luck
.
I’m in the exact same boat.
You need to decide what is right for you and your children, not him. You can’t make him stay sober. If he really wanted you he would have cleaned up before you served him with divorce papers. Please take care of you! Your children need you
If its been a cycle your better off single, better to be single than to be in a toxic relationship where your spouse don’t respect you