What would you do in my situation?

Grab your BABIES…get in your car and go and NEVER look back…YOU & YOUR babies DESERVE BETTER!!!

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Don’t do not go back dont listen to anyone who tells you to go back all that’s gonna happen is he will continue to doit cause he knows you’ll stay get out!!! Get you and your children out so you all are safe

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Get out life is too short to be lived in this way!

Stay strong in your choice. As a mom whose been there… sending love

From my experience I would not waste anymore time on him. I stayed with my ex husband for 22 years and I wished I had left the first time I was leaving which was only two years into our marriage. He’s still the same and not doing good in his third marriage. Thank God there was no other kids besides the two we had together. His health isn’t doing good and he still drinks his beer 7 days a week and there was a lot more I put up with that he did. Only you can follow your heart and know what’s best. Hugs

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Leave it will never work

Well he can move out and work on himself.
And maybe if he can stay sober for longer than 3 months, maybe you guys could start going to therapy. Maybe at that point you could rebuild some trust. You do definitely need to set up some boundaries and whatever you decide follow through with it. When my husband had an alcohol and cocaine addiction I had an intervention, told him rehab or move out. Luckily for me he chose to go to rehab and actually do the work. I just led him to people that could help. He had to want it and every day continue to want it. Definitely marriages can come back from this. But only you know if it’s too far gone, it hes going to put in the work actually necessary. Good luck to you!

They don’t change, next time you’ll kick yourself for not leaving when you’re thinking here we go again.

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If you love it I like it ,I lived with one 25 yrs drunk every night.guve it up for sale if your children .you can remine friends.after divorce but sake of your sanity and children.the big D is my choice

Get your babies and get out.

He’s not ready to sober up.

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My love take ur kids and get out or kick him out. The abuse u are enduring is damaging u. Before it’s too late and he becomes physical…I’m speaking from experience. Ur mental health is so important especially because u are raising 3 beautiful souls. If he wanted to change he would have

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Stick to your guns! Leave him the kids will be better off without him.

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When he is aggressive cal police en let hem remove him for the safety off the child en yourself. Then go to court Then you stay strong. Protect yourself and your kids. Xxx

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I would leave. I was raised in that in that situation. Run

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Been there more than once & wish I had left sooner instead of giving hundreds of chances & wasting years

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In the same situation I left. It will only get worse if you stay. He realised what he had lost and got sober . We got back together after 3 years…apart from the fact I had a son after that I wish I hadn’t taken him back. He did stay sober and kept his hands to himself but honestly their nature does not change .
Dont listen to others . Do whats right for you

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I would leave n never look back. Take my kids n live my happy life. :heart: good luck

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Take care of you and your kids,let him go

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Leave honey, unless you want to do this the rest of your life…

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run fast I grew up in a family very simular and it messed with my head. Get out and dont look back, If you gonna do bad you can do iy alone. These are things you never foget, Do it for the kids, Im 63 tears old and it affects me every single day

You dont get a refund on bad relationships, I would get out of it if I were you.

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I wouldn’t take him back. He needs time to work on his own issues… u can still b there for him but you both need time and space apart before it’s too late x

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Do what’s best for you and your kids.

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5 years should be enough to tell you it’s not going to work and kids should never have to witness abuse!

Leave him your children deserve better

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Get out. He will never change

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If he’s abusing you it’s not good for you or your babies, I’d prolly leave and give it time after your gone to see how he does. Time will tell if he’s truly changed. If it’s meant yall will find a way to make it work later. Give him time to change and you to see a change. Blessings to you all.

Trust your gut! Others will never understand what you’ve been through, as much as you do. If your gut is telling you to leave, do it. Good luck!!

Ut them again its you mind and heart of whats beat for you and what you want to do

I was in that same situation, I took mine back, and he ended up having my 15 year old arrested by pretending my 15 year old assaulted him. A leopard can’t change his spots. As much as we want them to change for the sake of the kids, the alcoholism is something that probably will be there forever, 16 years later and I’m still dealing with it!

I grew up in a home like your kids are in. When I got older, I married a man like yours. I must of heard “ Give me just one more chance “ at least 100 times. Got DIVORCED, same issue he refinished to leave. Get him OUT! File the court papers! Make sure you also file an injunction on him. You have no idea how much worse it will get! PLEASE FILE THE ORDER. He will try to stalk you. Because he will know this time you are serious. Desperate Times call for Desperate measures. Please do it. You don’t want your kids hurt anymore. They are not Gold Fish they are little people. Do what is best for YOU & the KIDS. You can reach out to me at anytime. I would be your rock to lean on.

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I stayed with mine for 24 years, ya know for the kids. My 28 year old has just told me she wishes I had left earlier. They don’t remember the good times only the bad. We’ve been divorced for 9 years. He has been sober for 9 years, kids support him more than me. Admiration for overcoming his addiction and zero admiration for mommy who did everything including financially . I’m bitter. And he has done nothing to make amends to me.

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Take care of you and your kids let him go or this will be your life forever

Get rid of deadweight very quickly.

It will take a hard separation for him to change.

I think it has to be what you feel is best for you and your kids

Wait til he goes on a binge and change the locks

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Being the loved one of an addict sucks and you are allowed to hit your bottom too. If he’s tried and failed before I wouldn’t be hopeful of change. If he is really telling you he’ll change I’d request drastic changes. Get his own place, get sober, attend meetings and be sober for x amount of time before you’ll take him back. OR just be done. Only you can decide but don’t ever let someone guilt you into “keeping your family together” when he’s unhealthy and toxic to be around.

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Nope leave, they do not know personally the abuse. To them it’s not so bad, ITS BAD. Alcoholics will escalate, do not stay. For your kids’ safety and yours.

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You need to put yourself and children first. If he isn’t actively working a program then he knows he is going to start back up once things calm down. Alcoholics are smart when it comes to hiding their disease. I would suggest separating while he works on himself for at least a year. If your marriage is important to you both then a year will go fast. If you keep going back nothing will change.

My mom stayed for 25 years….That was 24 yrs, 364 days too long. My older siblings had long j lol saying effects! I was only 5 when they divorced……

Girl, no.
My ex was an alcoholic.
We were together 7 years, had two kids( and I had one from previous marriage and so did he).
He was arrested multiple times for DUI, I never left the kids alone with him, as he couldn’t be trusted. We also moved to two different states, because he promised he would stop drinking.
He would stop, for a little while, but he always went back to drinking. We have divorced close to ten years now, and he’s still the same.
He hasn’t seen our girls since 2019( kids are now 14 and 12).
He pays child support, but that’s it.
Get out, and save yourself and your kids the heartache.
If he get sober and can be a good father, that’s great! If not, we’ll, at least you and the kids won’t have to live in hell anymore.

Can reason with people who pick alcohol over family and friends. Get rid of him.

I think :thinking: if you decided it’s time to move one. It’s because it is. The self recuperation journey is something that he needs to do on his own.

He probably just decided to do it now, to not lose the control over you. But any kind of abuse, doesn’t justify for you to stay by his side, as you have kids they are your priority.

You gave him many chances. Its time to leave. Believe me you won’t regret it.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What would you do in my situation? - Mamas Uncut

Honestly love, your doing the right thing serving divorce papers and you dont need any approval from anyone. But why are YOU sleeping on the sofa? Why is this man that has abused you for years still allowed to abuse you?
I know you have children together and it’s a difficult situation but accepting this behaviour teaches your children it’s ok to treat mum like shit, it’s ok for mum to cry, it’s ok for mum to be beaten, it’s ok for mum to not sleep in a proper bed. THIS IS NOT Ok! Please have more respect for yourself and make that man leave! X

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At the end of the day where are you and your children safest and happiest? What behaviours do you want your children learning?

Also at the end of the day those people telling you to stay are not the ones having to live through the situation day in and day out.

Remember you are doing the right thing by yourself and your children.

If you do actually want your relationship to work, and he is genuinely a good person off alcohol and isn’t abusive, you could tell him after a year, or longer, of sobriety you will take small steps to get your relationship back on track if you still want to.

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Your response should be the same as what you would want your kids to do if they were in the same situation as you are in right now when they’re older, it’ll answer it for you.

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Unless you want your kids growing up thinking that his actions are OK, walk away. Set an example for your babies and allow them and yourself to be happy. Xx

Sometimes its just too late, but it depends if you want to fight to make the relationship work, it’s not up to anyone else what you do, you are doing what is best for you and your children, if he gets sober in the meantime and you feel you want to be with him then thats your choice and if he gets sober and you don’t want to be with him that is also your choice noone can tell you what to do you are your own person and yours and your children’s happiness comes above everything, I’ve found once they start being abusive they always will be no matter if they are sober or not, I wish you all the best for your future :purple_heart:

You can’t help someone until they are ready to help themselves. He’s got to get sober and do this for himself as well as you and the kids, if he wants to prove to you that your relationship means that much then let go and let him do it. If that means after a lengthy time you are able to rekindle your relationship then good on you, but if not then also good on you. Because you can do this, with or without him your kids will be thankful for the choices you make when they are old enough for wanting a better life and happier mummy for their sake as well as your own xx

I wouldn’t worry about what everyone else says; they aren’t in your situation dealing with what you deal with every single day.

You need to do you and what is best for you! If he wanted you back he would be respecting you and actively making changes… actions over words!

But it needs to be because you want it

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If he wants to treat you like shit, he doesn’t deserve you! Do what is best for you and your children. You’re children don’t need to be around negative situations like this and neither do you! The people that are telling you to stay need a smack in the face, being verbally and emotionally abused is NOT ok but taking that next step I could imagine would be hard for you, but it sounds like it needs to be done and you’ll probably find you will blossom from leaving☺️ all the best to you and your family!

No, don’t do it because other people encouraging it. You don’t want your children to grow up in an abusive house hold they’ll think it’s normal.

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Fuck that girlfriend. Are they are living your life?
You and your children are much better off in two happy homes than a dysfunctional one where only parent is trying.
If he gets sober good on him but you don’t need to do that work for him, he needs to do it. If he’s serious he will get help, not rely on you

I’m neither married nor a mother, but have have the mental abuse side of things with someone who said they’d change their behaviors with other things (cheating). It doesn’t change. You’ve given him the chances, hes now doing and saying what he can to keep you so you don’t leave him. The instability for your children is only going to damage your children long term, and you’d rather them be happy and you be happy in a Co parenting situation, and allow for him to get the help he needs. You aren’t his rehab, and your children aren’t his rehab, and maybe you leaving might be the wake up call he needs to be a better father and man, and the wake up call you need to be a better mother, and accept better for yourself by healing and finding someone who loves you right

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Nope, bye bye! Multiple chances and squandered them all, time to go. Ignore everyone else, sounds like you know what you want to do x

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. What would you do in my situation? - Mamas Uncut

No you need to create healthy boundaries tell him if he can stay sober for a year a and work a program that whole time then ya’ll will go to counseling to work on your marriage but right now neither of you are healthy enough. You also need counseling because you’ve suffered through some very hard shit and you aren’t healthy either(not your fault he treated you shitty) make sure the separation is very clear that neither of you is seeing anyone else under no circumstances and work on yourselves. Make him prove his sobriety to you with time, like you said he’s good at staying clean for a second and right back to it. Show him you have standards for your life and he needs to meet that bar.

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Did not read the comments… but you gotta do whats best for you and your kids physical and mental health… if you have tried and he fails over and over again, you and your kids are not in his best interest… PERIOD! Put you and the kids 1st, you have obviously dealt with it and tried to stick it out and tried to help! Wont work unless he is willing…

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Only YOU know the demon he turns into when he’s drunk. ONLY you & your LOs suffer from all this abuse. Momma you know the answer to your question but you seek validation so here it is… don’t take him back, the way you talk about this situation tells me you’re ready to move forward and he’s not in that picture. Maybe later down the road you can reconnect but I think right now you should do what you know is right.

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It sounds like you already know what the best decision is. Go with your gut!

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The moment you knew to file those papers showed it was time to go. If nothing else stopped him, then neither will a divorce

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People telling you to save your marriage, go back, keep trying have apparently never been in that situation. I was married to someone who drank too much, who verbally, emotionally, and mentally abused me while drunk. I continuously made excuses for his behavior. He had a bad childhood, his parents were drunks, etc. I had two kids with him and tried and tried. Things would get better and then bad again.
I’m telling you, get out. I know people who are ex addicts will sympathize with your alcoholic husband because some do need help to be better. But not everyone will be better. Save yourself and your children the traumatic memories of staying with their alcoholic father.
Everything you go through will remain with you. Don’t prolong it. Don’t hold onto anymore hope. I understand that sounds harsh, but you’ll be happier in the long run.

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Don’t do it…coming from an adult who lived with parents who abused each other. Your children will thank you later in life. :sparkling_heart:

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Absolutely NOT. You have to set the example for your children. They deserve more than that. It’s hard to leave, but sometimes it’s what we have to do. A leopard never changes its spots. He’s manipulating you in to staying. Hold true to the divorce and set the example for your kids. Find your happiness and give you kids a healthy life. I grew up with an alcoholic father, and I’m still scared from it as an adult. They may be small , but they will remember.

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As a child of an alcoholic please don’t put your children through any more than they have already been through! He will always choose drink no matter how many times he promises to go sober! And yes he will do it for a couple of month maybe even a couple of years, but his love for the drink will eventually take over and your children deserve better

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I wasted 17 years waiting for an abusive alcoholic husband to change. I thought I was doing the right thing by staying. Then, one day, my daughters begged me to divorce him. Don’t wait for your children to be so hurt by his behavior that they beg you to leave. Go through with the divorce. No one else’s “advice” matters. Do it for your kids.

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As a (now adult) kid with an alcoholic parent, please don’t stay. I wrote letters, I cried in my Dad’s arms, I told so many people about him and why I hated his drinking. He still hasn’t stopped. We have an okay relationship now but I wish he would’ve helped himself.
Even if you hold off on filing, it could be month 4, one more than you state he usually makes it, and he may slip. If you’re considering leaving, I would do it. He has already ruined your trust and faith in him. Your kids will also start to grow up and realize what’s happening and see Mom’s frustrations and it’s a better situation all around to leave while you can. If you decide you trust him again, maybe work on the relationship at a later date. For now, I would leave.

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He can make all the promises he wants, what do you want? I’d go through with the divorce personally.

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In most states a divorce with children takes about a year to finalize…you can give him that time to prove he truly wants his family over his alcohol. If he chooses his alcohol remember this…if you have boys, they are learning to treat women the way they see their father treating their mother. If you have girls, they are learning that this is the way women are supposed to be treated. Even when we think they aren’t, our little ones are watching more that we know. Ultimately, you have to really do what’s best for you and the kiddos.

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You can’t force a relationship, nor be the only one giving 100%. If he hasn’t changed in 5 years, he’s literally NEVER going to. It’s not going to be easy starting over and with three kids, but there are a lot of resources that can help. Your kids don’t deserve to grow up and see all of that. Choose their happiness and yours! :heart::heart:

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Mama, my heart goes out to you but until he wants to sober up for himself he won’t. From my personal past experience my ex husband was the same way I’d say I’m leaving & boom he wants to change, he would change for a short amount of time & back to the same drinking & abuse.
It was until he fractured my skull that I left for good.
Your children are better off seeing you happy & healthy then having unstable parents.
Sending you love.

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No fuck that. You deserve to be happy and it’s not your responsibility to rehab him.

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Honestly, you cant help someone who doesn’t want help. He has to help himself and get to the root of what is causing HIS unhappiness and what his reasons are for heavily drinking. Without those 3 in combination there is nothing you can do other than stop enabling the behavior. You have to thinking about what’s you and your children.

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I would seperate from him for a year. Love separately. Make sure he follows up with his promise to get sober. Date him. It gives him a chance to realize what he is loosing and something to keep him working towards his sobriety. And dating could maybe help with building a new start as well. But if he screws up you are already on your own so it wouldn’t be as hard to move one because eyou will have been on your own for awhile at that point.

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First of all, you need to get rid of whoever is telling you to take him back. You deserve to be happy and stress free and so do your children. If it were me, I would file a petition to have him evicted. Im so sorry you are going through this. Stay strong and boot him out for good girl!!

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You’re showing your kids that it’s ok for a person to behave like that the longer you stay with him. He’s not going to change. You need to leave for your kids.

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I have been in your shoes and please don’t take him back. Your need to take those children and get as far away from him as you can. He won’t change until he wants to do so for himself. Trust your gut and do what’s best for you and your children

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Nope don’t take him back. I had to let my kids dad go for being an alcoholic. It destroyed our family and he always promised to get help but never did and still hasn’t. It breaks my heart because I truly love him but if he won’t help himself we can’t help them

I spent 8.5 years with an abusive alcoholic. We have a 5 year old daughter together. I left him almost a year ago after he put his hands on both of us while under the influence. My daughter and I are traumatized. LEAVE NOW. do NOT put your kids through this anymore!!! PLEASE.

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It’s just to delay you leaving. If he really wanted to change he would of before you where this done with it. Don’t let him manipulate you into staying. What we allow is what will continue. Hang in there and stay strong.

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Follow your heart. Make him prove himself first. The fact he wont move out says he is not worried about your feelings and comfort. Do what is best for your babies. Stand tall and firm. And find a better life, you deserve it💯

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NO. he needs to prove he’s changed first. He wont change if he doesn’t have a reason to

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The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Get out now.

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Take care of yourself and those babies! If he wanted to get better he would’ve already done it!

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absolutely leave - i don’t know who is telling you to stay and make your family work but they are basically telling you to waste your life in an unhappy abusive situation you nor your children deserve to be in!!! 100 percent leave / if he wants it to work bad enough he can prove to stay sober for eight months or more - better yet a year - one year and then i would “consider” it … untill then adios amigos - u don’t owe it to anyone to sit around while they get there act together- not a grown adult man/ no woman will wanna deal with that unless they r an alcoholic loser themself !

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It took my husband almost 5 years to sober up but not everyone is the same. Had to heal himself and I stood beside him and held on, but like I said every relationship is different.
Maybe he will do after he is forced move out. Maybe he will see it after he has nothing. Children will remember negative memories. Don’t scar them with awful memories.
Do what your heart tells you

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The children and yourself have already been through enough unhealthy living conditions. Take your babies under your wing and FLY. It won’t be easy but you and your children deserve peace. Much love and prayers to you❤

I would divorce him and then see if he changes if he really wants his family he will do whatever it takes to stay sober he has to prove he can do it. Actions speak louder then words. If he does in fact stay sober then that’s your decision to take him back or not.

Until he decides he has had enough of his addiction to alcohol you are wasting your time as he will relapse everytime as he is not doing it for him he is doing it to please you and unfortunately that won’t last take care of yourself and your children.

Honestly how is his behavior ever going to change unless you put your foot down . Quit giving him chances . Its time you start taking care of yourself and the kids

Find a counselor, for both of you, together and separate. He has to want to change, until then, it won’t happen no matter what you do. You know the right thing to do, listen to your gut, not your heart or mind.

Was in the exact situation!!! After 7 years I left. He refused to leave the house. I said F it and left with my 3 kids and our belongings. I served him papers. If he wanted to truly change, he would have done it along time ago without being served divorced papers. My only regret was not leaving sooner.

First your marriage is between you and him. Your kids see this and you deserve to be happy. You don’t want your kid thinking this is normal. Your husband has some demons that he needs to sort out. He needs to fight this battle for himself. Its okay to cheer him on for support. He needs an awakening but he needs support. Best luck to you momma. Only you know what’s right

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Yes love its better to leave him. He should get checked into a center to sober up for the sake of the kids, but your marriage is over

I lived with an alcoholic for over 10 years…it never got better. It got worse. Your priority is you and your children. You owe him nothing. mine wouldn’t get help when we were together ( granted there were other issues as well) when I finally told him to get out I had no feelings for him just leave is when he wanted to try and get better. To this day he is still an alcoholic with someone else.

Nobody else is in this relationship but you and him. So do what makes you happy because at the end of the day no one truly knows what happens behind closed doors and everyone always has an opinion. Take time to think about this. Think about the kids, if you think it’s even worth it to try, think about what kind of relationship you want your children growing up seeing and most importantly think about yourself. It’s important for children to have a positive environment and a happy mom. You do your best when you’re at your happiest

Things probably won’t change, unless he goes into treatment & has an “ah ha” moment where it finally clicks. But, Only if that sticks. Addicts are, well…addicts. Do what YOU feel in your gut Mama. The kids will see you weak at times during the divorce, but will see how strong you are afterwards & will appreciate you looking out for them & yourself. That sends the real message. Life isn’t easy, it’s not always fun, but you persevere & make do, even in the hardest of decisions. Good luck to you Mama & keep your head held high for those babies of yours