I would leave… I have been emotionally mentally and physically abused by my sons sperm donor and I wanted to stay for our family and I couldn’t and I left… best decision I made bc he has another girl knocked up and doesn’t care bout the one he has now
I lived it for 30 years he won’t stay sober and he will get more and more abusive he will mess up you and most of all your children get out if you can
A lot of people said to stay with him because they had never been in your situation. I say leave when you’re ready… it has to be you who takes the first step… divorce paper isn’t gonna do anything. If he loves you enough, he would had changed already.
I once left a relationship when I found my own place and it was the day of our anniversary when I left.
Well, I’ve seen this before and if he genuinely will stop drinking, meaning to to AA I think I’d give him one more chance and tell him if he falls off the wagon again you will go through with the divorce. His kids, and likely you, love him when he’s sober so see if you can work on that. That’s what I would do. I am going to pm you.
Your children need to see a good example of how you should and deserve to be treated. Please do not stay, because this isn’t working. You need to be happy and your children need to see it. Break the cycle, Love.
Listen up! You do what is safe for you and the kids first and foremost! And if that means leaving him than leave, don’t listen to people who may want to pawn him off on you or avoid the conflicts because listening it’s inconveniencing them! But you sound like you need a plan. Going back to someone who is mentally sick is not healthy for you or your children. And he isn’t going to CHANGE until he’s ready and hits rock bottom. But until he’s willing to go get help for himself, there’s nothing more you can do! It’s not a matter of going back and pretending he’s going to be better when he has an illness! The best thing you can do is get away for the time being and take some time to think about what you and the kids need, and then you can figure out if you want him back later. And the most important part, get yourself into therapy now! Being strong for your kids is taking care of you, not him! He has to figure it out on his own. I wish you the best and I know you can do this. Because I did it 20 yrs ago, and it was the best thing I ever did was walk away, and I put me and my kids in therapy. My kids were just toddlers when I finally left, but I raised them alone for quit a many years! But my ex is still abusing his 3rd wife now since I walked away. He couldn’t find a way to fix his demons and he just got worse over the years. Much love to you and I do hope you find the strength to walk if not for you but for the kids, until he can figure himself out or he may not. But ask yourself if your children deserve at least one mentally healthy parent.
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Don’t ever do something you don’t want to, for someone else. Especially if that someone has had plenty of warnings and only now is taking you seriously. It is not your responsibility to take on his stuff.
I could have wrote this post myself, LEAVE. he doesn’t love you, he wants you to continue to provide a home for him. Do what you know is best. Your kids need a healthy mama, emotionally and physically, more than they need married biological parents.
If he hasn’t changed he most likely won’t ever. If all else fails, you could always be together even after a divorce and work on things apart if you really thought you needed to… I mean no way would I stay or go back to someone that’s like that. Just take care of you and your babies.
I 100% would not take him back. We want our kids to be kept safe and them seeing this happen would crush them and scare them and who knows maybe they will continue the cycle because they think it is okay because you stayed. Show them what a healthy relationship is later down the line if you want to open your heart again and most of all show them how strong their mama is and they can see the truly happy parent and watch you blossom. You got this even in those moments you feel you don’t. Sending you love 
Do what’s best for you and your children, if hes been through rehab numerous times and turned back to his old habits, it tells you he don’t want to change. It is sad, however think about you and your children, yous’e matter.
It sounds like he could benefit from a substance abuse program/rehab and AA. Alcoholism is a a powerful disease. Maybe why he’s tried and failed in the past. He needs a real program for support. I wouldn’t go back unless he does this for himself.
If you love him and you want the marriage to work tell him to stick with his aaa meetings and maybe marriage counseling will help. Tell him he cant keep going back to his old ways or your done for good. But if your miserable and you don’t want to try to work it out then go your separate ways and you can still encourage him and stuff to get sober and co parent. Therapy might help you to heal your heart to and to move on. You do what is best for you and your children. Prayers.
My experience was he didn’t change. I finally left with the help of friends who encouraged me to do what was right for my son. We were separated in October 2007. He refused to divorce me. I didn’t push it until I reconnected with the love of my life in Jan 2011. I got pregnant in May thinking that the divorce would go through quickly because we had already been separated so long. He still fought until the court told him that if he didn’t divorce me he would have to pay child support for the new baby too. He finally agreed in Dec and my baby was born end of January 2012. He died in 2017 from cancer
It’s YOUR decision. YOUR mental wellbeing. And sounds like ultimately YOU’RE doing it all as is…it’s great that he NOW wants to get sober. But you’ve given him plenty of changes in the past and he’s given you plenty of reason not to trust his words…
I’d continue to encourage him to get sober…your kids still need a dad. But if you don’t know if you can deal with it anymore, I’m afraid you’ve answered your own question.
Especially older generation will say to make it work for the kids…but I’m telling you, making it work for the kids, is only going to do more damage to them. The environment they’re in is going to build them. Remember that. They need healthy parents. If you feel you are more stressed with him present, your kids will eventually feel that too. You can not pour from an empty cup. Heal & Love yourself first, so that you can properly love your children…it’s hard to leave. It’s hard to start over. But it’s only temporary and things will get better. Best of luck 
No. Leave. You’ve gotten this far with leaving, keep charging! — You cannot put a broken mirror back together — broken is broken.
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Definitely leave. I live through this situation as a child and it was miserable.
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Save your marriage. What if it was the other way around? Would you want him to give up on you?
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Send him packing. Get a restraining order, get a divorce. Mental abuse is worse than physical abuse. He will not change. Get out, away from him.
I pray you find the courage to try something new…leave him. He can’t change alone but he won’t change with you, or would have. Love him from a distance and make him earn your trust. So many women on here have told you to leave because it is right! Staying doesn’t give your kids a better understanding of love. It shows them fear and confusion. You all deserve better and eventually those forms of abuse turn into physical. I dealt with it for over 7yrs and after enough praying and self talks in the mirror I took an opportunity to leave…it was tough I spent many months on other people’s couches and my kids did too. But 3 yrs later we have everything we had then plus PEACE. I pray the next opportunity you are given to go you do that. He will be ok and so will you…better than ever before.
Dude when you know, you know. Don’t worry about what other people say. Do what you feel in your gut. If you’ve been down this road before and you know he won’t change don’t look back. Who wants to put up with an abusive jerk?!
I would live in separate places for a long time, if you’ve been burned before you gotta look out for your family . Not only is it toxic for you , but so toxic for your children. I’ve been there as a kid and it was fucked up . My dad was able to change and become a better man , it was many years of bullshit though , I know my mom regrets a lot of things she wished she would have done . We are all a happy loving family now , but only because he actually changed his ways . I remember when I was 15 he pushed my mom and I finally broke and shoved him into the wall and screamed . I think that slightly woke him up, but pushing your kids to that point isn’t healthy . So play it safe , follow your brains on this one mama.
Too little too late. You already know his pattern. If you give in, he knows he can continue to get away with it bc he will believe you’ll never really leave. Stay the course mama, get out of this toxic situation for a better life for you and the kids.
Perhaps seeing if he will go to therapy with you. Maybe there are things he needs help getting past? Might be worth a shot since you married him and have children together
If that was me, he would be gone you can only take soo much. If it hasn’t worked even for the kids sake, it’s not going to . This is my opinion
Tigers can’t change their stripes. Alcoholism is a terrible disease. You’re instinct to help is causing you to question your decision. That’s just because you’re a good person. You’re not a hospital for his disease, though 
maybe try separation and give him a chance to clean up on his own. He can’t manage sobriety and a rocky relationship at the same time. He needs to fix himself first.
I always try to repaint people after they’ve shown me their true colors. You owe it to your children to give them a healthy home environment to grow. I don’t know if your heart is conflicting your mind but sometimes doing what’s best means following the mind, not your heart. It’s important to give your kids a healthy example of love. But as a momma you already know this. Letting go is always the hardest part. My heart goes out to you.
Being a grown adult child of an alcoholic I can truly say that I wished my mom was strong enough to leave my dad. I’m dealing with the aftermath and the repercussions of that whole life and have gone through years of therapy so it no longer festers into my children’s lives. Children should never have to witness or go through that type of dysfunction. I cannot tell you what to do because it already sounds like a pattern of you taking him back. If he is abusive you need to seek help to get a restraining order but he must leave if you are no longer married to him once the papers have gone through. They always promise they will change always what happens to take him back in the whole thing starts all over again. Do you know who suffers the most? Children. I’m not judging you I’m just telling you we can handle anything of the kids are not involved But they are. God will help you though this storm. I hope you will be alright.
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It’s time to leave. It’s better to take the kids out of a bad situation than to keep them in just because you think it’s helping them by keeping the family together.
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I left him and divorced his twin it sounds like!! After 16½ yrs together married 10½ of those, and we have a son together who’s almost 17 now who has lived with me since I left him years ago. Leave him, you owe him nothing absolutely nothing. You deserve so much more! Hugs!
Well, firstly the kids are gonna grow up sooner than soon then what ? Nothing more problems, secondly you answered your question he didn’t keep his promise how many times, and he probably never will. Kids aren’t gonna make the relationship work and a alcoholic gonna drink regardless he has to want change and unfortunately sometimes that’s not enough!! Good luck with moving forward with a decision, praying doesn’t hurt either take him to church!!
Dont do it. My sister had her ex out of the house for 10 months and then let him back in after he got help and was sober. Things got sooo much worse, physically and emotionally. Dont do it. Especially for them babies because they never asked for this and they certainly dont deserve it and neither do you. You deserve soo much better!
I tried the anonymous reply and it didn’t work. So, from what I’ve been through, not myself, but my brother who’s full blown alcoholic and was legitimately drinking 50-60 beers a day. He wasn’t mean or abusive to his wife or kids, but needed help, we sent him to a rehab in Florida. Because in Iowa they can leave after 24hrs. He did great for awhile, when he got back, then went back to it. It honestly took him getting pancreatitis at 36yrs old, and being in hospital for 9 days to even make him see he has a problem. I get it’s my brother not spouse, but it’s hard regardless who’s going through it! His kids couldn’t stand it, he works hard, not like he did though, his wife works a lot also, our mom has the kids alot because of it. I know rehab is expensive but many states offer great services and work with you for payments. Best of luck! they told us alcohol is the worst withdrawl vs any drugs. He went into cardiac arrest for 4 hours the next day, because he had no alcohol for 18hrs. His body didn’t know what to do. 
we all we’re waiting for the worst call to get. We couldn’t go there bc of covid.
Go to the court and get a restraining order with proof of physical abuse and mental. Then he will be forced to get out with a police member team by your side. Don’t let him stay because of "the kids " the kids don’t need that as a mentor.
I would follow through with the divorce and be done. You need to do what is best for you and your kids.
Id Honestly pack up and leave. Hes only trying to get help to control and manipulate you. Go forward with the divorce. Do you have family and friends for support. The abuse only gets worse with every chance given. He could end up hurting you or the kids. Be strong darlin…
I feel this…it’s tough. I’m in no position to give you advice but I do understand and feel your pain completely.
If you want to be the strong parent that your children need then you should leave.
Kick him to the curb. You can only take so much and if there’s no trust it will never work.
I wasted 26 years on a narcissist who in the end chose booze over all else.
The kids will thank you one day for not caving in.
If he’s serious about being sober he’ll do it for himself and show you but he needs to do it alone.
The people telling you to stay in that relationship are not your people. Do you want your child growing up to think that type relationship is normal? You can still love him & support him from a distance, but put your child first.
Don’t fall for it. Go through with the divorce. Trust me. The cloud you’re living under will disappear and the sky will seem bluer than you’ve ever seen it once he’s gone. I promise
Unfortunately they do this to get you to stay knowing damn well they’re not going to ever change… I finally am divorced now from an alcoholic and he did tell me “I never thought you would leave“
You know the song, it is time to refuse to dance.
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For better or worse, in sickness and health… Marriage is a big deal. Try everything you can to save it. After trying everything, then come back to that decision.
Coming from a kid who grew up with an alcoholic father who broke promises it destroyed my childhood. So always do what’s best for the kids, not everyone else.
Get out while you can. He will never change. You and your kids deserve better. It won’t be easy, but staying is harder. You’re kids see everything & think that is normal & it’s not. I stayed way too long, my life now is so much more happier, healthier and I’m not being cursed out for every little thing. Trust me, best thing to do is leave & don’t look back. He will play the guilt trip and try manipulate you into staying but don’t let him fool you this time. Prepare yourself and leave.
Going thru the same thing currently. Stay strong mama! It’s so hard but it’s what’s best for your babies.
I been in your shoes for about 18 years "get out while you can"Things can and will get worst …But only you know what to do and put God first and your children thats whst made me make my mine up is my children…Praying for you…
I was with my oldest 2 daughter’s dad for 10 years and left numerous times everytime I went back he never changed. I left 4 years ago and he’s still hasn’t changed. Your husband has to want to really change if he don’t he won’t. I think it’s time for you to leave and be happy. Stop making urself suffer because of someone else’s shitty decisions
I will do all i can to get a judge who can make him leave dont keep going back to him
Absolutely DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK! Stick to your guns girl. My MIL went through this for 25+ years. Unless he goes to a rehab and treatment, he will likely never stop. The second things get hard, he’ll relapse. Now that’s not always true, but when a person acts a certain way for so long in a relationship, it’s VERY hard to find a new normal. Even if he stops drinking, the verbal abuse will likely never stop. I’m all for sticking by addicts and loving them, not giving up on them, however there are kids involved, they NEED stability. It’s very likely he also verbally abused all of you while sober at times. He needs therapy and treatment, you and the kids also should consider therapy to began healing. If he wanted to get better and keep his family, he wouldn’t have waited until you were so beat down, you filed for divorce. If you do decide you actually want to try and make it work, you need to tell him he needs atleast a year of sobriety and during that time you guys will not be living together, you will be separated. That time will really tell you and show you if he’s serious or not. I stick to what I said, do not go back, runn as fast as you can, do not pass go, do not collect $200, run and don’t look back.
Stick to your guns. He won’t change. I grew up in an abusive environment. My Mom finally left and never saw my father again
Been here an tried it never works. My advice is to stick with your divorce an batten down the hatches because it’s gona get stormy when he realises you mean business. Good luck xx
Then you leave then, believe me it will only get worse been there done that. Go to woman’s crisis center if you have to but leave
Wish I would have left my bad situation way before I did. I was in a terrible relationship for almost 7 years. I am better now and happy with someone else and I remind myself that never would have happened if I didn’t leave the other situation. Hope he is happy somewhere and I hope both our issues never have to be issues with anyone else we are with. But we truly were just not good together and sometimes that is what you really have to look at.
Your children need one strong parent…it’s you. Also, you are both modeling proper and acceptable behavior …whose do you want them to
learn and model?
There is ALANON a group for you, all around the country. Free, lead by members. Focus is how to live with an alcoholic in your life, and how to stop being an enabler.
1st off make him sleep on the couch. 2nd what do u feel in ur gut? 3rd trust yourself
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I’ve never been married but have kids with someone like that and the best thing I could of done for myself and my kids was to get away from my abuser. Remember to always do what is best for you and your kids. And trust me when your kids are old enough to realize everything they will be thanking you. My boys are 12, 10, and 7 and thank me everyday for removing their dad from the house and they see everything I do to make them safe. Always it’s number 1 for those kids to be safe and you. If you would like to talk let me know. I might be able to help you take the next steps like I had to do. I pray that you and your kids end up where you want to be. And to be honest those people telling you to make it work aren’t good for you. They are just as toxic as your husband. I had people tell me to work it out with my ex and I’m no longer friends with those people
I would pray to my HP about it and get clear about what I really want. Communicate that to your husband and set firm boundaries when and if he doesn’t follow through.
Nope don’t take him back. He hasn’t found enough reason to stay sober and make it work. Get a sheriff to remove him. Move his stuff to the lawn… have your kids go to a difference location when you get him moved
It is okay Not to accept this for your children. Stick to your guns.
I wouldn’t want my children to see me go through that toxic cycle and thinks it’s okay for them to go through that too. Enough is enough.
As a recovering alcoholic, sometimes tough love is what an addict needs the most. Speaking from experience what helped me change the most was that no one was no longer helping or being co dependent towards me. Yes I was pissed at first because it seemed like everyone “turned their back on me” but they loved me enough to walk away and let me figure it out on my own and I’m so grateful because if they didn’t I would probably still be drinking my life away. Sending your family love and prayers . Remember to put you first so that you can be the best mom to those babies 
If he cared enough to change, he’d offer to give you space & leave the house. He’d show you that he signed up for an AA program & is committed to change. He’d update you daily on how his progress is going. He might even buy you an apology gift with a sad little card that says: “I know this doesn’t make up for how things have been, but I want to try for us.” He would apologize directly to you and your kids. If he hasn’t done any of those things, I’m guessing he’s not going to make the effort for you. Contact the courthouse and ask how you can petition the court to get him out of the residence because it’s best for the children & you to remain in the home. Good luck to you, & I’m sorry for what you’ve been through.
You fucking stick to your gut girl. Most of the time they don’t change permanently, only until they win you back. And get him out of the house. I’d make his life miserable until he left because that right there, him staying even though you’re done proves right there he still don’t respect you. Family of course is so important. But it’s more important for those kids to have a healthy home and a happy momma. Raising kids with an alcoholic is a no go to me.
Always do what’s best for you and your kids! You already know your answer, trust yourself and don’t let anyone else tell you differently.
I would get your kids out and in a safe place, if he’s serious about changing to get you all back he will do it. Relapse is part of it but I think he needs to be taught other coping skills past pick up alcohol. What will he do when he’s stressed? Board? Ect… you have to face a lot of demons too. I hope he gets help BUT your not required to keep getting hurt as he goes through his motions. Maybe you going with the kids will be enough of a “rock bottom” but you won’t know staying in place.
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No. It’s not healthy for your children to see that growing up. I was in a similar situation & got out. I am absolutely positive I made the right choice for my son and myself. Don’t listen to people who have not been in your shoes.
I would suggest trying to separate first and see if he actually gets sober and does real recovery. I also suggest attending some alanon meetings and find people that have been in your situation. Some people really do change if they really put the work into themselves. I don’t know what you have been through with him so it really depends on your situation
Do it for those babies if you can’t just for yourself. I’ve been there and I should’ve run before my kids were scarred by him because later they think it is okay to put up with it just because someone says sorry I’ll be better
You have to do right by your children. He must want to get sober for himself he can do this on his own if he is genuine
- alot of people say what they “think” they’d do.
- only YOU know what’s best for you and your babies. 3) if it was me, and i had done the same, i would not take him back until he’s been sober for longer than 3 mo.
I realize that he’ll still be living with you, but, that doesn’t mean you have to do wifely things. Lol and, I’d also make how he treats you and your babies part of “if you take him back”.
Btdt but not on alcohol. If he truly wants it to work, he’ll make it a point to try hard. Unfortunately, the only way mine did, was because he lost his mom and realized i had ALWAYS been there and believed in him.
Run… get out… he won’t change and you can’t make him… take your kids and go…
My suggestion is separate house holds but pause the divorce, have him commit to AA and you commit to Al-anon. Ik speaking form being an addict that has been around it my whole life and being married to an addict. He is 10 years clean. If you love him and you want to try. Give this a try.
I ex mom had an alcoholic husband for 40 years until he passed away of cancer at age 69 soon after the retired…and she said he went through rehab 30 times he would become typical verbally abusive to the point my ex had to hit his own Dad why? I truly don’t know but must’ve been a terrible upbringing for my ex and hence he has anxiety and a few other issues and why we cannot be together…so it’s hard…I wish you all the best…take him to church!
Leave. Even if he decides to get sober and get his family back in the future, cool. But right now, leave. It’s better to keep yourself and your kids stable and happy and maybe try again when the time is right. Even if you wanna try therapy maybe just separate and try and if not then go through with the divorce. You never know you could find someone that makes you feel something he never did. Theres so many good men out there. do not settle for that. Know your worth.
Leave. The first chance you get! You can’t help him until he’s ready and obviously he’s not! Think of your babies!! Leave.
You won’t be doing the kids any favors by taking him back at this point. Soon he’ll be doing the same thing he does to you, to the kids. Is that how you want your kids to grow up?
I’ve been there in your shoes. I left and didn’t look back best decision I ever made. Be strong
As much as it hurts you got to go! My ex husband was the perfect husband/dad when he was sober. But it got to the point where I couldn’t leave him with the kids alone bc he would drink and pass out. He was verbally abusive when drunk too. He eventually cheated which nobody could have imagined him doing. After I left it got way worse. He went to rehab so I wouldn’t leave. I would beg him before but would never go until I left. This did nothing to help because he went to make me stay, not because he wanted help. He was a healthy , athletic functioning alcoholic but sad to say he is now unrecognizable and he’s only 34. Hurt to see our kids go thru it all but kids are resilient, trust me. You’ve got this! Praying your situation turns out better than mine did. But in the end I have done way more in life than I ever did being with him. His alcoholism kept me from living. I now enjoy vacations with the kids, and do so many things we never did. It was a blessing in disguise just not for our children
Ppl who say “just take him back” or “make it work” have no clue what its like
Personal experience….just leave and move on with your life! It’s so much better for you and your kids!
I would take my babies and find somewhere else to stay if he is refusing to leave. That is not okay for your children to be around. I’m sorry, mama.
Leave…if you’re reaching out then you’ve had enough. Think about the kids.
Go with your gut not your heart. Put you and your childrens health and safety first.
Do you really like getting abused? Is he that way with the children? I would just take the kids and go somewhere safe. Before its too late…good luck.
I’d leave. My parents did that to each other verbal and emotional abuse. And my dad was abusive to me also. It really messed me up. It took her 35 years to finally leave him for good. No more off/on. They divorced a few years ago. I was so happy and relieved. My mom is finally starting her life all over again. She’s happy now. She realized so much being away from my dad. My dad of course didn’t care too much about the divorce. He hates her tho but he moved on with another lady. He always had ladies since I was kid so nothing new. Anyway, do it for yourself and children. Let your kids have a healthier future without seeing that abuse happening between you both. 
As for the drinking he won’t stop for his family or for you. He has to stop for himself. Recovery take years not months. I been in recovery since 2018. I’m still cutting back. I got from drinking everyday to not as much now. But believe me it’s the hardest journey and I didn’t change for anyone just for me. I had to start the self love journey to make that positive change in my life. Stay strong for your kids. 
My uncle is a alcoholic and drinks 24/7 for taste majority of the time and has 1 son thats a grown adult but he goes through bad withdrawals when hes out and he wants to sober up but he can’t and we know he can’t so we just love him and help him when we can and he screams and cusses me,my mom,and my grandmother(his mom) all the time unless he has beer but thats normal because we know he can’t help it and he was in rehab twice for 30 day days once and 1 year the second time and both times he got out he bought 2 cases of beer. We make it work for our family though instead of cutting him off because everybody needs love regardless and regardless of him being a alcoholic he’s one damn good uncle and always has been and shows he has a heart and only screams,and cusses when hes out of beer. We know he doesn’t mean it. Atleast he’s trying to stop by going 3 monthes at a time and thats great for alcoholics,that shows hes atleast trying.
Your kids see EVERYTHING! Break the cycle NOW and show them you are strong enough to leave that toxic relationship. By you staying, you are just showing them that it is ok to settle and that you or them aren’t good enough to have better.
You might need to get closer to him open up to anything to show you are there for him. Talk ask but be sure that you are not pushing buttons that were absolutely not meant to be pushed
Say bye! The kids are afraid. Please, spend time with them. Don’t go looking for another guy, the kids come 1st.
do whats in your heart. we can’t tell you what to do. i hope which ever you decide i wish you the best. keep in mind that a Leppard dosnt change its spots.
People show you who they are the first time, believe them.
Go to Alan on. You have to make the right choice for you but your not alone.
Stand strong and get an order from a judge evicting him ASAP. Do not fall back into the same trap because that’s all that is- a trap.
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I left my husband of 30 years because he thought he could start calling me very bad names and talk bad about me tell everyone to make it look like I was a no good person my daughter signed me up form sec 8 I we own a home and I still quialfied I slept in desperate room also it just got worse my adult kids said I needed to leave I deserve to be happy its amazing I look 15 years younger its not all easy but I’m happier now then I can’t remember when u do what your mind and heart tell u when they both agree enough is enough u can’t take no more when u look in the mirror and u don’t know who’s looking back Theresa no sparkle in your eyes u feel empty when u look at your self u don’t care how u look your just exsiting u can’t find anything u like about yourself when he says I can’t stand being around u and u think I can’t stand me either then it’s time to find who u lost. So good luck to u in your LIFES JOURNEY just remember u deserve to be happy and u should always put yourself first like yourself love yourself be your own BESTFRIEND if u don’t give this to yourself first u can’t give it to someone else u have to have it to share and give it away can’t give away what u don’t give to yourself that’s what GOD WANTS from all of us we can’t help GOD till u help yourself be the best u that u can be 
Separate and let him show you he can stay sober and change his abusive ways. If he can’t, divorce him. We are not to be abused.
Start going to alanon yourself, tend some AA meetings with him and marriage counseling.
Given the situation I’d be very hypocritical if I said yea leave his sorry ass he not doing nothing for you n change 3 months no love move out and stay sober for 6 months if you hit that mark maybe we can be friends always be civil where your children are don’t be the mother to bad mouth their father infront of them for they will know what he’s like once they’re older, even though the choice is yours always will be don’t listen to anyone but yourself unless your head and heart are singing from the same page it’s not worth it it’ll be back n fourth all the time, this is why I’m not going to be hypocritical as I have stayed with my partner with addiction he’s fell off the rails got stable gone off the rails oh myyy I could go on he’s cheated high on drugs with women who have lost themselves to addiction… I’m in limbo myself… BUT my children are older and have NEVER SEEN ADDICTION within the house as he doesn’t do it in the house… he goes elsewhere… he was then on a methadone programme for so many years heroin and methadone has robbed this man the professionals state the drugs have brought on the mental health no im not saying they don’t BUT when your childhood is full of trauma and every abuse known to man then tell me why the professionals who work in this field only see what they want they pay you lip service I’ve stood by him for 15 long years the times I threatened to leave him n him leave me I always waved him off knew what he was doing and knew he would be back, the last straw was when he tried to kill himself on our youngest child’s birthday and I broke harder than I’ve ever broke every argument every ounce of hurt came flowing out my mouth… to see the hurt on his face when he realised I’d been hurting too, through an addiction he hadn’t seen nothing as his life was being wrapped in the warm opiate blanket and last September i got help from the family centre here in UK that deals with addiction as it affected us all in some way (I used to tell my kids dad’s gone shop or work etc) was the last time he took methadone and has not touched any drug… the years have been hard with mental health drugs prison as its never been me only him… only.you will know if you have the strength to say enough is enough or to keep going… I’m now concentrating a little time to myself an hour a week for my own mental health issues for my traumatic abusive childhood as I never took the path that some take I managed to throw myself into college uni my kids n work… and that of my children’s mental health they’re amazing well rounded well mannered children that have knowledge of mental health and what issues it causes as we’re all in this together we’re a family may be a bit broken here n there but we decided to build on what we already had… I wish you every ounce of luck in the world with your decision