You can’t sacrifice your life and your children’s lives in order to keep him stay sober. It would be different if he developed a bit of a habit after being together for a long time & u stuck by his side to help him through it. He has to want it for himself first.
My sister spent 10+ years dedicating her life to keeping her husband clean & she had to leave many many times with her children. The last time she took him back, he had been clean for like 15 months. He relapsed almost a year later exactly to the date she allowed him to come home. (Which was a year) he relapsed & we found him on her living room floor.
It’s been the hardest thing she’s ever experienced & her children.
I am so sorry. I am also in a very similar situation. Praying for you.
Don’t stay for the kids, it only hurts them in the long run. Kids need to see a healthy relationship and healthy/happy parents. If you want to try to make it work I would get with a therapist who specializes in addictions and have them help you set healthy boundaries, honestly I would meet with one regardless if you stay or leave bc you will need to learn how to coparent with someone who has an addiction. Do what’s in the best interest for you and your children and they will be fine. As someone who grew up in a home where my mom stayed for the kids, it hurt me everyday watching my mom endure the abuse she did. I just wanted to see my mom happy and loved.
I still get anxiety and flashbacks just from the smell of alcohol on someone’s breath.
Ask your attorney if there are any other options for you and the kids to live safely until the judge rules on the case. A therapist for you and the kids might help the case along.
Plus, living in a state of anxiety eats you alive. I now know they’ll ONLY get sober IF they want to or die. The hardest thing to accept is letting them go and saving yourself. ((((Hugs))))
First off he needs to be on the couch . Just that alone that he’s in the bed and your on the couch when he’s supposedly trying to prove himself is strange to me
Congratulate him for getting sober and continue to do so for staying that way if he does but you should continue your path to separate from his behavior and abuse. For 8 years, I stayed through sexual abuse and manipulation. Once I left, he finally went to see a therapist to “show me” that he wanted to get better and change. When he realized I wasn’t coming back ever and we were absolutely finished, his therapy stopped. Do this for you and your children. 
Why make yourself suffer for someone else’s happiness? Your kids DO NOT wants to see their parents unhappy, just so they can say y’all stayed together
Fuck that.
Leave mama.
I’m going through it right now I finally said enough is enough. My kids come first. He kept saying he was going to get help and I don’t think he has. He’s been gone for 3 months and says he’s going to counseling but yet is still drinking maybe not as much but he still is at least 2 tall boys a day but when he gets them in him he doesn’t know when to stop. I’ve been doing my best but it’s a weight off my shoulders that I don’t have to worry about anymore and I’m starting to feel happy again
I had this problem. This is a bit freaky, but a true story. Of course I’m not wishing this for you, but the level of where you come from I understand.
My first husband was an alcoholic and druggie.
One day after a another huge fight I looked up at the sky and said “god you’re gonna have to take him because I don’t have the strength to get away from him with the kids.” Roughly a month later he O.D’d and we were free. It was scary and it was a shock.
That was 20 years ago.
Make him prove he wants to quit even if it takes a year or more. Children and you don’t deserve to be mentally or emotionally abused.
It took me 20 years to leave, should have done it much, much earlier. Get out while you can, you won’t believe the burden that will be lifted once you do
As the daughter of an alcoholic. LEAVE. Get your kids out of that mess. Find someone who values you and show your kids what a healthy relationship looks like - for them and for yourself.
Alcoholics/addicts don’t change because of ultimatums. They change because they hit a rock bottom and have no other way but up - or they stay their path and try to drag everyone to that rock bottom with them.
If anything, you can always remarry 
divorce doesn’t mean you don’t care for him.
Do not take him back until he at least has 1 year clean! It will not change until then please seek help with alnon contact AA MEETING in your area .
Hell, no. I wouldn’t take him back. Let him find someone else who will enable him. You’ve already got enough on your plate with three children.
Being an alcoholic myself, yes it was nice to have people by my side but what really made me turn around was loosing the people I love because it really made me realize I was hurting the people I love and myself. If he’s not willing to go to AA groups or take care of himself that’s not your problem. People will change when they want to change not when they’re made to. I wanted to change to do better, not to just have people back. You don’t want your kids in that environment. There’s multiple treatments out there for alcoholics. So when he can stay sober on his own for at least a year, because a year is hard, you know he’s changing for the better and he then should get a second chance. Tough love mama. I wouldn’t want my kids around me if I was drinking again that’s not fair to them or anyone else. That’s potentially putting someone in danger. Alcohol is a very scary thing to mess with when you have a problem when you have a problem with it.
Sounds like you’re done as I would be , not sure why you had additional children in that situation, but that train left so deal with what is in your plate. If he sobers up , great, co parent and be great friends and maybe he will be an outstanding dad but personally I would rather be single, grow and mature and find myself on why I’m even listening to other people opinions on staying
I learned the hard way u can’t be the only one who wants a relationship to work. It has to be both of u putting in equal effort, and even then sometimes it doesn’t work.
Do not take him back if he makes you and kids feel scared around him, constantly treading on eggs shells, alcohol is a huge burden on alot of families, you shouldn’t be sleeping on the couch, you deserve better than that, we can all advise you, but its only you who can make choice and be strength to throw him out.
None of us should tell you what to do…
But if I was in your shoes, I would make life about me and my kids.
Just make sure you are honest with your children so they don’t end up messed up.
But this man doesn’t sound like a nice person he needs to learn the hard way whatever has caused his depression he needs to get himself help, if he thinks he can do it alone he Needs to learn he cannot, the only way to prove to himself, is by getting professional help.
Or he will end up dead like most alcoholics because men are stubborn when they get like this.
You can’t help someone who isn’t helping themselves.
If you don’t love him don’t take him back. Sometimes you have too much animosity. Too much stress and you can’t get over it.
You sound like you already made up your mind and are strong enough to stick to it this time. Don’t let anyone tell you what to do. They are not stuck in your situation
I’m in the same situation, minus the kids.Ive done this 8 years.Exact same behavior. He took off out West with his buddy, for a " vacation to clear his head and get sober" leaving me here broke, bills due, and my car needs work. I have talked to him twice, and he was drinking.He even tried to lie about it.The first time I called he lied, and the next day he put on his act" I love you 
I will get help."Then I called him last night and he was driving again.Lied about it again.IM DONE.
Do whats best for you and your child if he doesn’t want to change then thats on him not you I know im living the same exact nightmare only I live with a meth addict and an alcoholic you have to let him hit his rock bottom before he will change thats what I had to do I had to leave him before he even remotely changed anything.im praying for you hun im so sorry that you are living this nightmare but your not alone i.promise 
hang in there sweety do what makes you happy and your children happy because in the end thats all that matters.
If he really wanted help he would have gotten it before you gave him the papers. It’s just another manipulation.
I was in the same situation and when my husband figured out that I was not playing and going forward he threatened to shoot me and pulled a gun on me. Let me also say he is one person when drinking beer and another then he freaks liquor. Two weeks of drinking liquor he committed suicide. All my friends tell me how lucky my son and I are for getting out when I did and not becoming a static. It would have been a murder suicide if I would have given into him just one more time. They can’t just get sober. That doesn’t get to the REASON they drink in the first place. The sad part it people only want to come forward and tell you things and possibly reasons after they pass. Praying for you and your children. I ONLY DECIDED TO GET OUT AFTER THE THIRD TIME MY CHILD SAID TO ME “MOM WHY DO YOU LET DAD TREAT YOU THIS WAY”
If he’s got a habit of falling, let him get clean for over a year any place but home. You get counseling. But make it a full year, nothing less. Anytime he falls off, the year starts over. Be strong for yourself and your kids. Y’all deserve this.
my mom was an alcoholic after my parents got divorced and my dad left my mom for another man. it really fxcked her up. i was 11 when she started drinking. she just now got sober last year and i’m 25. let me tell you, from 11 and up, my childhood was HELL because my moms drinking problem. i was teased at school and just down right depressed. i would find her passed out drunk in the front yard after school 
if your husband cannot stay sober, leave. but also, research the vivotrol shot. this really helped my mom. it’s a monthly shot where you cannot physically get drunk even if you drink. if you drink on the shot, you will just get sick, not drunk. it also helps with the cravings. it helped my mama soooo much. tell him to look into it
Leave. Put you and your babies first. I’ve seen it from a kids perspective. Please leave. Your babies will thank you and you will be better for it xo
Continue on with divorce. If you’re really considering getting back together my stipulations would be 1 year sober, AA meetings a must, individual therapy and then atleast 6 months couples counseling before I would consider even getting back together.
Your teaching your children that an abnormal unhappy, unhealthy marriage is ok. You can not help someone who isn’t truly ready to be clean. This is a battle that your husband has to win for himself. Your children nor you should be his crutch.
Only you know your breaking point, no one else. If you know you don’t want it, can’t trust it, and you WANT to leave, do it. No one else is going to live your life for you. Those same people telling you to work it out probably have no idea how bad he gets, and if they were in your shoes I bet you they’d leave and never look back! Don’t EVER make huge life decisions based on other peoples opinion of what you can and can’t handle. YOU filed those papers for a reason.
Leave. My kids’ father was the same way. Wasted 14.5 years hoping he would get and stay sober. Only lasted 2 to 3 months then he would go back to drinking and drugs. My kids are now dealing with the fallout from those years. For yours and your children’s sakes leave and concentrate on you and your kids. If he gets sober and stays sober then you can cross that bridge when you get to it.
I would get my kids out of that situation just for the fact that child protective services could step in and take your children
He needs to go. Its not healthy for u or the kids. He isnt going to change until he really wants to. Easier said than done. Hes only saying he will change cuz u signed the papers. U have already gone through too much. I would have left a long time ago when he first started it. Why did u wait 2 more kids later? U kept urself in that bad position and put and left ur kids in that position. Not good. Glad u are finally trying to do something about it though.
Go with ur gut & not what other ppl are saying, they don’t have to live ur life u do & u only get 1 go at life x
I am the daughter of an alcoholic. My dad drank himself to death march of this year.
Im 28 and still dealing with a lot of demons his alcoholism caused me.
Nop stand up for you and your kids girl. He has a long road to go before you let him back in your lifes
You can leave but unless he wants to quit he won’t he has to hit his rock bottom. Not your rock bottom. This is such a tough question. I stayed. Pm me. I would prefer to talk about it that way.
I will speak from experience- alcoholics will only sober up if and when they want to. My father has been an alcoholic (and abusive) my entire life. I’m 33 now but at 18 my mom served him with divorce papers for this exact same reason. He got sober for exactly 1yr and then fell off and started drinking really bad again. We had another “incident” happen last year where you would think it would sober him up for life, he was sober for 5 maybe 6mo and had one drink with a friend, now is back to drinking daily again. Hunny I’m sorry you are going through this but you need to leave for the sake of you and your kids. Mentally this is not healthy for you or your children and they will remember the affects long term
Move on if he is serious he will do what he says but if not you won’t be stuck
Don’t do it. You’ve been thru this so many times. No one else is in your relationship to know how it is. Stay true to the reasons why divorce is better for u and ur kids.
Nope, you should leave. They make promises they can’t keep.
Original poster, if he is a veteran or first responder please PM me, I may know a way to help
Love, let me give you some advice straight from an addicts mouth. (Yes, mine.)
- The first time you told him you’d leave him but then didn’t, he knew he could play with your emotions
- He sounds like the type that only has 1 hope for getting sober and that is to lose everything, including you. If you love him, leave him.
- Apology without change is just manipulation.
- This isn’t your fault. One day in sobriety the weight of the things he has said and done to you and your kids with hit him like a ton of bricks and he will feel horrible. But remember even then you have a choice and there is no shame in choosing to move on.
- He’s sick. This isn’t him. But his addiction. He needs help and quitting 3 months or even a bit longer at a time isn’t sobering up. They call that dry drunk. There’s a demon he’s trying to mask with alcohol that he needs help to overcome.
Please leave. For him, for you, your kids, for everybody. You sometimes have to love from a distance 
I suggest alanon meetings for you girl. I promise there are a ton around you that you never even knew about
My husband was a heavy drinker for a long time, he only got physical with me once, I packed the kids and we went to my sisters, told him it was us or the alcohol, no more alcohol or I’m done divorce, he showed up once with 6 pack not long after the fight/conversation, packed the kids and left again, I left printed divorce papers on the counter… he has since quit drinking and has been sober for almost 3 years. You leave that man because it shouldn’t be a hard choice family or alcohol… if he is not willing give it up completely for you and your kids he is not worth the heartbreak anymore.
- AA, 3x a week , work the steps for him, Al-Anon for you
- Get involved in a local church
- Speak to each other every night on progress
- There shall be no relapse in 365 days
- Have a good lawyer in your back pocket the 366th from the beginning of number 1.
It ain’t nobodies choice but yours. Do you still love him? Do you still want to be with him? Has he destroyed all love you ever had for him by drunking and being abusive?
Run and run fast! No1 but you is living this hell. Don’t let others make the call for you when they have no idea
I was there for 6 years but no kids with him. He sobered up, but only when he thought he broke his parents and siblings hearts by opening up past abuse issues he drunkenly wanted answers for. I looked up what info the women’s shelter had as I realized this cycle was never going to end and yes, it’s a cycle of abuse. The fight, the honeymoon period, the build up to fighting again… Pls, go to your local Women’s shelter or (online and just research first as I did), file for domestic abuse and make your kids and u happy! His cycle is for him to figure out. Staying and allowing someone to treat you in this way is setting up your kids to copy that pattern. They may even begin to see that as the norm and what’s expected in a relationship (my parents fought a lot and I expected my (now ex) marriage to be the same but without anyone to fight with, I realized what I was doing. But all-in-all, That’s not setting a good example for your kids either, neither of you, to be frank. They give classes about boundaries, and other support that we need to rebuild ourselves and our families, our kids and ourselves at least. It’s been almost a year in my own place with my three girls and I’m realizing how much self confidence, self esteem, and self compassion I’ve lost and am fighting to get back.
Girl you already made the hardest decision by serving him the most divorce papers just stick to your guns and let him go
Leave, best thing I did was leave the alcoholic behind!
I think if he’s really trying then so should you. If you cannot handle someone at their worst then you don’t deserve them at their best. If he’s really trying that is
Nobody can really tell u what to do but realize that there are resources that can help u out but u need to do what’s best for u and your babies
Run don’t look back I’ve wasted 16 years 23 to 39 he treats you this way because he doesn’t love you I believed him when he started to beg to sleep in bed again started treating me decent I was happier than ever when I found out his mistress was a week away from having a baby he quit drinking the second year but the verbal abuse slowly escalated until I was sure he hated me his mistress swears he despised me.but when I found out he had just said we get rid of these demons from our past it’s going to get crazy he saw me breakdown and realized I loved him and that he was a fool hasn’t talked to her since it’s been a year and a half I talked to her regularly he wants so badly for this to work now he’s fried so hard to make it right picked up all the slack worked less hours to be home more…she lived at work 4 nights a week 20 hours of driving a week to get her and drop her off I won’t ever forgive him I know I have to leave I wish hadn’t believed him when he started being nice if I could have walked away I would have and it would have spared my children the pain they witnessed they lost my ile they have heard and seen things that traumatized them my 5 yr old was in the bath and he started the movie back up with out me she said it’s like he doesn’t even care about you … 16 years he’d never touched me until he did restrained me for pushing a chair over she heard me screaming stop your hurting me she was in the bath by the time I got to her I was crying my lip.bleeding and she was crying I kept telling for daddy to stop mommy but he wouldn’t stop… He fucked up my babies the babies he had to have just as my child I had at 15 turned 15 I was so close to being able to be an adult with no kids had looked forward to it since 15 ave it all up for him to have his own babies and not miss their early years like he missed my son’s …then he wasn’t here left me here no car just like when I was 15 I never knew where he was 10 hours a month the month his son started kindergarten he thinks he’s sorry…he will be when I can finally leave and he’s alone in this house devoid of his families live and laughter it his living nigh mare he says please don’t do this to me …I’ve been living a nightmare for over a year because of you…I wish I didn’t love him
Get out and don’t look back he will not change
Uh history repeats itself…it’s time to do you and take your children out of that toxic environment. Kids are a product of their environment, so do it for them, if not for yourself.
Follow thru with the divorce, make finances completely separate and leave a paper trail for yourself. Move on with your life and worry about u n your children. Let him dig his own hole. Whatever u do, don’t move out.
Well that decision is totally up to you… but i was told the same bullshit by my sister. I needed to stay together for the childrens sake. One problem i had with that train of thinking. My ex beat me up or was verbally nasty to me in front of our children… while the whole time he was saying things like i was so damn lucky to have him cuz no other man would love me either…or would want me. And that i was ugly and a damn fat ass lazy bitch. But he didnt take care of the kids all day every day. Sure hes play with them but hed always got too rough and always made them cry cuz he accidentally hurt them physically and hed then would call them inappropriate names and tell me to come get them cuz i made them little whinny bastards. He never drank or did drugs he was stone cold sober. But military. It got to the point i just couldnt do this anymore. So i left him 3 times and the first 2 times oh yes i heard how sorry he was and hed change… all lies the 3rd time was the charm i actually got to file for divorce and i was done!! And i was engaged to a alcoholic i know the bullshit from that type too. Joined ala-non for the family members of an alcoholic which that was a joke… its all up to you to decide when youve had enough… then plan your escape without him knowing… plan to pack your kids and yourself up and just go… for right now start putting away every dime you can so you and your kids wont be held up in a shelter or homeless somewhere.
I grew up with an alcoholic dad who extreme verbally and emotionally abusive My mom stayed and is still with him. I’m still dealing with the scares from back then. I’ve PTSD from the trauma I went during my childhood . I remember pleading with my mom to leave him. I wanted to live anywhere else. But my mom stayed. Prioritizing him to me and my little sister. She’s never had her own life. She’s just a shell of who she used to be because of his abuse. If I could tell you what to do ; please get out. Please give your kids the chance to grow up in a safe and stable environment. And also do it for yourself. He’s an adult. If he wants to get help he needs to do this alone. Your priority should always be your children and yourself. Not him
He’s still drinking isn’t he. My ex is still drinking after 21 years after our divorce! He still thinks I’m coming back! Leave he won’t change!
Why are you still with him? He’s an abusive alcoholic who hasn’t changed, and yet you went on and had more kids with him. Leave now…if not for you, then do it for your babies!!
Leave and let him figure it out. If he really wants it than he’ll prove it.
It sounds to me like your done. It’s hard to stay once you lose trust and have resentments.
When you asked God, what did he say to save you are your alcoholic kids?
You can only give somebody so many chances and an abusive drunk is no kind of example for your children.
You don’t have to take abuse very seldom they change don’t
This feels like a manipulation to keep you in an abusive relationship.
You know him like others don’t. They dont have a place here to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do.
Do not take him back! He is an abuser! This is the cycle of an abuser! He only said he wants to get better because you said you want to divorce. Follow through with the divorce, for your sake and your kids.
Why would you subject your kids to this?
Personally, I wouldn’t take him back. Your children deserve better. You deserve better.
It’s ok to be done and want better for yourself mama💕 your mental and emotional health are important
If you’re done than that’s a wrap. Listen to your intuition and your heart. You and your children deserve better
I’m with an alcoholic for 5 years also… and I’m telling you… they do NOT CHANGE! Do you girl. Get the hell outta there
He’s never gonna change kids dont need this he would have to go
Honey Put him god’s hands and pray over him and your marriage!!!
I went through the same shit they ain’t going to change leave trust me.
Leave. U will be happier and your kids. I did and I’m super happy. He can figure it out he’s a grown man.
Girl leave him and find your happiness! Period.
Get yourself and your kids out. He has to want to get help and get better.
No don’t keep doing what u r doing as hard as it may be!!! He needs help!!!
Evict him and move tf on.
A damaged family is no family to raise
Get him to do the work first
You said yourself he won’t change so what’s the real question here 
First of all! You’ve given him time and time again. Leave while you can. Trust your instincts. You already served him with divorce papers. You obviously felt that this is the route to go. Stick with it because this could be your “out”. You may not know but this could be your saving grace to keep you and the kids the safest.
You finish it momma! You know best and you already feel the need to walk away 
I’m supporting you 110%
I went through this. He never changed and I wasted a lot of time. Do what’s best for you and your children.
If he wants to get sober let him get sober without you being right there. If he won’t move, then you move. I will say….If he only gets sober to try and keep you though, chances are high that he won’t stay sober.
You need to set a healthy and food example for your children…don’t settle, you deserve great things and so do they! Children can sense toxic environments
I would divorce 100%. Dont let him take u for a joke.
The only person who can make you stay in your marriage is you. They don’t live with him. They don’t endure the abuse. If you’re done be done. If they want to make a family work let them marry him.
I think the most telling aspect of where this relationship stands is his ongoing selfish disrespect. WHY is he allowing you to sleep on the couch? That small thing to me says he has not really changed - fits the classic “dry drunk” description. You deserve better.
Don’t do it !! 20 years I tried and he still needed a liver transplant 
I’m left with nothing and PTSD !! So not worth it and totally not healthy for the kids . Move on it’s not your fault he’s an addict
Get the divorce. If he refuses to move out and show you he can change he doesn’t respect you or how you feel and likely won’t change
This brings back so many memories. I am so sorry you have to go thru this. I grew up in the same household. My father was an alcoholic and drug user. My mother was abused mentally and emotionally and when it got bad physically. Kids remember. I remember. They will get sober if they want to get sober. And it isn’t easy. There are relapses, fights. I loved my dad. But my mom should of left. She should of protected us from that. We never got that chance. But you and your kids do. This could be a push for him to get sober, but that is up to him. I remember one night he was throwing plates (was about 4/5 at the time) and yelling at my mom, I got on a chair and told him I was sick of him being a bully. That he was hurting us. Something changed that night, he left a week later to my uncles and tried his hardest to get sober. AA really helped him. He died in 2014 3 years sober. Recovery is not only hard on them, but the family as well. What helped me was Alateen when I was older and Alanon for my mom. It’s programs to help families of alcoholics.
You and your kids don’t deserve a life of battling the drink. Do what’s best for you and your kids. And if your husband is serious he will get himself clean. But like I said it’s hard.
Good luck momma
Please do what’s best for you and your kids. Growing up in a toxic environment is not good for your kids and living in a state of constant stress is not good for you mentally or physically. No one should live in fear. Please protect those babies. Move on. I know it’s hard but you’ll be glad you did down the road.
What I did in your exact situation was leave and me and the kids are better for it.
File for divorce again and MOVE OUT. Who gives a damn if he stays at the house. Depending on the judge or what you agree to yiu may end up with the house anyways. Move back in with your parents or a relative if yiu have to for the time being. As a mother do what’s best for kids, not a drunk
Separate for a year while he works on himself.
Revisit the relationship then… and see if you want to move forward with him or divorce.
Have a judge or police remove him from your home !
I’d send him packing…I wouldn’t deal with sloppy drunk trash
I’d get new friends! Those people are nuts. You did the right thing. Stay safe