I never would have got pregnant the second time knowing he was an alcoholic
Heâll never change while you are there to tell him itâs ok. Once you leave he might realize the situation heâs got himself into and make a change. Might.
From a guy with addicted siblings.
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And he will break another go through with it and you will see how serious he is
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File the eviction and move on with your life.
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He is not a healthy male role model for your children and while the marriage is not a great example to the kids of what a marriage should look like, You are showing your children what it means to be accountable and follow through. See your lawyer to find out how to get this man out of your home. You can support him in his recovery by pushing him out so he has to be 
accountable for his own behaviors, not staying with him and enabling him. Trust your instincts, you already filed. Good luck 
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Get out. Things can get dangerous more quickly these you realize. What if he starts taking his anger out on your kids?
Life is entirely to short to be unhappy . Good luck and best wishes .
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If he cleans up his act and really does change down the road you can reconcile or even re marry if you really want to but for now you and your kids come first ⌠follow through with your plan. Best of luck to you.
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I done it for 7 years, get away from him for Ur mental health
Why did you bring two more kids into your shitshow? Thatâs what Iâd like to know
If he drives call the law on him put him out for your safety
If he never stuck with it in the past, this is just a con act to get to to stay, believe me I went through ten years of it, he will never change, get out and never look back! Which I did, best thing I ever did for myself and my children.
As a recovering addict myself, LEAVE!
Youâre being manipulated. Leave and take the kids with you .
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Me, i said for better or worse so i would tell him get help Iâm your rock ! If he didnât get in a program and kept up with his bs Iâd be gone ! So sad, best of luck. You deserve happiness.
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As someone who is married to an addict in recovery, my biggest piece of advice would be to 1. Tell him he either goes to treatment and/or start going to AA/NA meetings regularly. Even if you go with him. He needs to follow their suggestions (get a sponsor, work the 12 steps, etc.). IF he really and truly wants to sober up then he will do any and everything it takes. Not just quit cold turkey. There are people with 20+ years of sobriety and they still go to those meetings because it helps them. Also, set ground rules. No access to money/bank acct, canât be out running the streets all the time, needs to put in 100% into your marriage, etc. And if he canât even follow those ground rules, tell him youâre done for good. Youâre going to pretty much have to treat him like a kid (with rules) without him feeling like thatâs what youâre doing. I also go to every meeting with my husband for support and because I find it educational to be honest. Feel free to message me if you see this! Iâll gladly be your support in whatever you decide. I know how hard it is.
I would go through with the divorce and tell him to get the help he needs.
Leave. They donât sober up. Lived like that till he hit my child. Left and never looked back
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You leave; neither you nor your kids deserve that kind of behavior. It doesnât matter how many people tell you that you should take him back. The damage has been done and you need to just walk away. You tried, thatâs more than most can say. Imagine your daughter was in the same position, with her husband and your grandkids. What would you tell her? Your kids are looking to you and your husband as to what a healthy relationship looks like, the life you are living is not healthy for you or your kids.
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I was in your situation. I took my ex back I ended up physically disabled due to the beating he gave me. Go through worth the divorce get him out and if he really does want to fix things them he had to prove he can stay sober. Which will take time off he does change you can remarry down the road but you will likely realize you are better off without him.
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A sorry or promise without changed behavior or follow-through is just manipulation. Will it be hard? Yes. But youâre in charge of your very own happinessâno one elseâand it can be done. Your children never deserve to see their mother abused, or to be abused themselves. If your child was going through this, what advice would you him/her?
Good luck.
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Get out, if not for yourself do it for the kids. They deserve better than this⌠Iâve been in youâre shoes, even going as far as booking myself and my week old baby into a hotel room for the night. I completely understand how your feeling. Please donât let it get to the stage I got to where when my son was 3 months old I finally broke down in front of my family. ( worst night of my life, I remember sitting on the kitchen floor sobbing and rocking telling them everything that had been going on ) Iâm not going to lie and say itâs been easy but what I can promise you is that when you see youâre kids happy and healthy itâs worth it. My son is now 6yrs old and definitely keeps me on my toes 
but he is happy and living a better life than he would have had I stayed with his alcoholic narcissistic abusive father.
Youâve got this and if you need to talk feel free to pm me. ( I am in the uk though so if you are in a different country I may not reply straight away lol ) xx
Walk! He knows his hollow words keep u around. And u know by now, itâs just a game he plays, cause it works. Stand by you. And good luck with the next chapter of ur life
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Wait til the kids are gone and break his knees
If he hasnât changed by now he never will. Stick to your guns and keep pushing forward.
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I would go ahead with the divorce and tell him to leave and sober up. If you still love him enough, maybe you can âdateâ in the future. That way you could see if he has changed, and if he doesnât you can walk away And not worry about having to kick him out again
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Do other people have to live your life daily???
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Get out ASAP. He will not changeâŚget out now and donât look back. Raising your kids in an abusive environment will do lasting damage.
Do whatâs best for you, and your kids, and leave soon.
Why stay with abusive people. Itâs bad for me he children. When he is truly sober, you can date and try again. But for now itâs for you and the kids
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This is just my opinion ok .
Alcohol is a life time desease and itâs hard work but it can be managed and I truly hope you find the way that works best for you and your family
Fuck no in hell will I try to make it work gave him so many chances he didnât take them owell heâs loss and stop feeling guilty its your time and your children to be happy finally live in peace good luck!
Itâs your life⌠you are the one that has to live and deal with him not other people. SO DO WHATâS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!!!
He will never change! LEAVE, now that you and the babies are safe. Later when you unexpect it you will find what you deserve.
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I did it, it got worse and I regret not having the courage to just go out on my own the first time I got away. I spent 3 more years in hell. Then I met my now-fiance and things are indescribably amazing
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I think u no what to do he needs to get help but he has to believe he has a problem all heâs gonna do is hurt u nd ur children they need to know that most stay with someone that hurts u
If u love him i wouldnt file for a divorce i would be telling him u have twelve months to prove to us ur not ever going to drink again before we get back together and work on the relationship as u need to prove to us that you can do it and not start drinking again as i dont want this life for me n our kids so in the meantime i will be moving out with kids sense you wont till you prove ya seld
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Nope he needs to be on his own and sober for 12-18 months before you should consider taking him back.
Divorce him the kids donât need that kind of role model. Three strikes he is out! You will feel so much better with out getting beaten every time he feels like it and your children know more than you think donât let your boys be beaters and your girls accepting the behavior he displays as normal.
Since he has failed before, maybe you need to be legally separated or divorced, until he gets straight for 9 months or longer. I grew up with this and he never could stop, in fact he defiantly defended his right to drink as much as he wanted to, when he wanted to. It didnât stop him from working, but it finally killed him.
You made up your mind when you filed in my opinion. You KNOW you and your kids deserve better. That is not a bad thing. You can be divorced and still want him to sober up and support his sobriety. And IF he does in fact get and stay sober YOU choose to try a relationship with him, that is YOUR choice. Please donât feel presured to do what outsiders think you should.
No one can help him but himself and until he gets that help I would pack up the kids and leave. Hope you make the right decision, God bless you and your family!
Heâs abusive? Go file for a restraining order⌠they will make him leave and if he comes back he goes to jail.
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Time to move on. The children do not need to live with that in their lives. Think about them! They will grow up acting like him! He is using your kindness and giving chance after chance, for his pleasure.
You need to lift yourself up, you are worthy! Your children are worthy.
All worth more than the abuse. 
sorry to speak truth. You will do the right thing. Also therapy is a great way to help you and your children. To relearn how to live and love with joy again!
Nope. Keep in touch. Give him support, but donât take him back. Make him WIN you back⌠if YOU want to !!! Make sure heâs going to meetings
Leave youâve devoted enough time
Heâs proven the same pattern over and over and over itâs time to think of you and your children consultant a lawyer and ask him to file papers to have a judge order him to move out and then proceed with your divorce you deserve better youâve given him enough chances youâve taken enough crap itâs time to move on with your life and make your childrenâs lives better
The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Once a person shows you who they areâŚbelieve them. We teach people how to treat us.
Been in this situationâŚthey have to want to get help for themselves not because they are losing something or someoneâŚmine promised over and over and always fell off the wagonâŚand when he fell it was hardâŚmade my life hellâŚenough was enoughâŚI filed for divorce and it was the best thing I ever didâŚ6 years after our divorce he hit rock bottom and sobered up and has now stayed clean for 6 yearsâŚbut unfortunately the damage was done.
He is an alcoholic and abusive⌠thatâs enough to get rid of him. Donât listen to the people telling u to "make it work " because it wonât⌠from experience⌠abuse only ever gets worse⌠it doesnât get better
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Get out.
Do not take him back. Can you honestly live the rest of your life in this sober drunk cycle for the rest of your life?
Your children need stability, not worrying if dad is going to be drunk and angry. Theyâd rather grow up just you than have the chaos addiction brings
You have asked what we would do - I would have left once he started abusing you - your children donât deserve to grow up in an abusive household. X
Iâd get rid of him for good as you said heâs been given enough chances. It takes balls to walk away but imagine the great life youâll have without him
DUMP 
HIS ASSâ:clap:t2: ITS not like you havenât given him enough chances! Fuck that! You are totally doing the right thing! 
No, get rid. Heâs not worth wasting your life on because heâll never change.
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Seperate until he stops drinking for one year and then decide
When I was leaving my husband (under my own different circumstances), my dad asked me âhow long would it take for you to trust him again?â And I said âa lifetime of changes.â I was so wounded by the things that had broken my trust, so I knew he couldnât prove anything to me that would bring that back, and thatâs how I personally knew it was time. So I think that itâs a personal decision and you have to decide what it would take for your trust to be fully restored - and if youâre not sure or you donât think thereâs anything that will remove that doubt, then you need to do what is best for you and for your children (and I am a firm believer that sometimes our children need to see us create boundaries).
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I was in that situation, he agreed to go to a month long rehab , his boss convinced him because he had been there himself . There was no doubt in my mind my marriage was over , my children were 3 & 6. He quit drinking , they convinced me during family time there that he would be different, that I really needed to give him a chance without the drinking. So I did , stayed together another year and 1/2. He didnât drink , I was hopeful but about a month into trying again, I realized it was still over for me . Too much had gone down by that time . Glad I tried and gave him that chance , but it was a rough divorce, he was still the âvictimâ and I was the bad guy . You know in your heart whatâs the right thing to do and when itâs time to give up if thatâs what happens. Maybe staying is the right thing for you but trust your insides, your own judgment! Best of luck to you and your family ! 
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Run! Get that divorce girl. A man that treats you like that isnât going to change no matter what heâs saying. I hope for your children he does end up getting sober, but you need to do whatâs right for you at this moment in time.
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Itâs okay to put you and the kiddos first because you should. This is his journey and he would honestly remove himself if he truly loved you and the kidsâŚby not doing so speaks volumes. 
you know in your heart what the answer isâŚ
You need to choose YOU in this situation. He may temporarily change and be and do what you need him to, and then again he may forever change and be and do what you need him to, BOTH of those scenarios are irrelevant. You need to move on to become and receive your worth as a person for YOU. And then secondly for your children, who can clearly see what you are going through, even when you think you are hiding it from them. Trust me, at 53yrs old, I found peace in my life when I finally said âNO!â to the negativity that had invaded my very essence. I havenât looked back and have attained an inner surity that is very much visible to the rest of the world. I didnât truly understand the weight of what I was carrying until I finally put it down. Do NOT let anyone make you feel like you need to carry it anymore, itâs YOUR journey. I wish you all the peace and love you deserve to have, and the ability to choose it for yourself. 
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itâs a tough situation. Iâm sure youâd like to make it work for your children. But I would not take him back. He can continue to work on himself but not with you in his life. God bless.
Put ur kids & urself first! Living with an alcoholic is hell! Iâve been there. U never know when they are goin to go off. Mine was mentally, physically, emotionally, & sexually abusive! I was so beat down! You have served the papers. Keep moving forward. You know the talk about not drinking anymore only last so long! And please get urself & the kids some help. I did for me & my son. Good luck! Sending prayers!
You have to ask yourself is it over whether he gets sober or not. You have to whatâs right for yourself and children. Staying in that kind of environment isnât healthy
From reading just your post, itâs time to get the judge involved. Not only for your mental and physical health but for your children as well. Accepting his behavior and abuse only teaches the kids thats itâs okay to treat people and your partner this way. Last thing you want is to risk yourself and your childrenâs mentality. If he seriously gets sober and stays sober for years you could re-date and maybe begin again but for now it sounds toxic.
Dealt with the same thing for 10yrs. I divorced him and moved on. If you have given him ample amount of chances then thereâs nothing you can do at this point. Do whatâs best for you and your kids. Iâd also get into therapy to help you with this.
If he can sober up and get counseling for at least a year, then you could consider taking him back. But my 1st husband was the same, made alot of promises, but did not change. Dump the chump and make a life for yourself and your children.
Canât tell you what to do but speaking for myself it took me 2 years to finally get sober. I could go about 90 days before Iâd slip. My last drunk was my worst.
If you decide to stay either him get yourself some help. Stopping drinking is just the beginning. Thereâs a whole period of reconstruction for both of you. Good Luck.
Been there in the exact situationâŚYears has been spent already trying to make it work and on his part he has failed. You can not live your life waiting on him to get his self together so for your mental and physical health leave and get you and your kids together. If he wants his family he will do right and if all goes well the Lord will put yâall where yâall suppose to be. You first!!
He sounds like a Narcissist! This is what they do! âI will changeâ if he wanted to change he would have done it already for you and your children! He is probably âlove bombingâ you right now! Saying/doing anything to get you you to stay! Donât fall for it!
Its sounds like youâve made your decision for yourself and your children already, which isnât an easy one to make. Only you know when your are DONE and it sounds like you are.
Prayers to you and your children. Take care momma
If you donât want your kids to grow up thinking that âthis is an ok situationâ then leave. You deserve to be happy, and you donât have to divorce right awayâŚseparate and tell him this is his chance to prove himself and go from there.
I personally would stay gone but if you donât want to, set some timelines and boundaries. He has to stay sober, get counseling and date you for a full year minimum. If he canât then you tried.
I say move on he wonât change until he wants to change and he is just pulling your bluff. I know like lots of others what itâs like being married to an alcoholic. I have done it before, I left and it took years for me to heal. I now am remarried and living a much better, happier, healthier life for me and my kids. I always told myself itâs ok to love them but sometimes you have to love them from afar!
âMaking your family workâ also means getting out of an abusive relationship and showing your kids you and they deserve more. Best of luck to you.
Leave, I to was married to a alcoholic and tried to work it out many times, all it did was scar me and my children caused more harm then good
People that are not living in your shoes, experiencing the same thing as you, will tell you anything. You know whatâs best for your family. If he is serious about getting sober he will do it for himself. With or without you.
Continue with the divorce, leave his ass, fight for primary custody of your children until/unless he has proven sobriety for at least 6 months
Nope, you are establishing a pattern that says as long as he tries you will come back. I would tell him he needs to go through treatment, then be sober for at least a set amount of time. If you want it to work. If not⌠well tell him that itâs not gonna happen and let it go.
Do what is best for you and your kids. There is a family that I know who has 4 kids and their mom was physically, emotionally, and verbally abused by their alcoholic father later in the years the father decided to abuse not just the mother but one of the kids and their mother still stayed. The kids are now adults and 3 out of 4 suffer from fear of going through what their mother went through⌠do what is best for you and your children. Do not suffer and do not let your babies suffer with you.
Secondly itâs not going to change if you take him back he needs major consequences im sorry to say somtimes we do the work for the next woman
I was raised in this kind of environment! Itâs toxic for your kids and you! Get out NOW before itâs to late and the only way you or your kids get out is a funeral!! 
. But then when you do go you need to get comfortable with just you and your kids not someone else filling the gap. Get a good counselor and some Alanon to understand the codependency
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You already feel like shit, leave unless you want to continue to feel like shit. If he wants to change then good for him, if hes doing it for himself he will make that change whether youâre there or not. If not youâre being manipulated. Either way, go sister you got babies to raise
Abusers keep abusing⌠thatâs it. Thatâs all I need to know about him to tell you that YOU cannot make this work. He needs to get better. On his own, and stay on his own if thatâs the way he treats someone he supposedly âlovesâ. People who donât understand the concept of abuse wonât ever understand how horrible their advice to stay actually is.
People need to start shunning abusers. I donât regret my divorce for a minute, it was the best thing I ever did for myself.
Nooo dont take him back your life will only continue to be the same. As far as for the sake of the family. Kids shouldnât see their dad like that or you hurt by him you would be doing the best thing for your family. And maybe it would be the push he needs to finally kick it.
Anyone telling you to stay does not have your best interest in mind. Please donât take him back. Get you and your kids somewhere safe, be careful, leaving can be dangerous. But you need to take those kids and go.
Run Run, been in the situation that you are in. Everything will be good for a little while and then someone or something will cause him to have a real bad day and then heâll start drinking again blaming you and back to his old habits. It took me three times of going back to figure it out. You and your children deserve better. He will promise you the moon and stars to get what he wants.
You have to make him leave, so get the judge, or you and your kids move out. It will either help him, or he will keep doing what he has been doing. They have to want to change for themselves. He may fall many times but youâre not responsible for catching him! My first husband was and still is an addict. My second husband has been sober almost 11 years, Iâve learned a lot from him and his struggles through sobriety. You have to do what is best for you and your kids.
Donât take him back. Nothing changes unless he wants it to change. There is absolutely nothing you can do to help him. Nothing. It doesnât matter how hard you try or try to make it easier for him. If you take him back. He will continue to do what heâs doing. After all, taking him back proves you accept his behavior. Your kids shouldnât see what he does as an acceptable way to live. Time to be done.
Live separate if possible until he can be sober long enough for you to be comfortable coming back and make it clear thatâs the last try. I get itâs a disease and you love him but your kids may be better off without you together. Therapy constantly AA meetings are a must for him or he isnât trying.
You need to keep yourself and your children safeâŚGet out of there now before it Is too late.
You leave! You are teaching your children that itâs ok to disrespect their mother. Not even an option, leave!
Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. If he has a habit of falling off the wagon, he probably will again. Remember- an apology without change is just manipulation. People can change but itâs rare.
Been there. Itâs hard. You should do what is best for you and your kids. Whatever will give you a happy, healthy, safe environment is what you need to do. Those people telling you to let him stay and work it out are not in the relationship, they donât see or feel how it is behind closed doors. Forget their opinion because ultimately it is gonna be your decision. Do what is best for you and your kids.
I would find an AlAnon group, file for divorce and find any organization that will assist women who are abused. Your children deserve a childhood free of watching their mother being abused.
I had the exact same marriage. He will tell you he wants to get help just to get you to stay. Neither you nor your babies deserve to live that way. Trust me, get out now!! It will never change, he will never change.
Definitely do not take him back. If he has a track record of sobering for a few months then goes right back thatâs not good for you or the children. On top of that you are showing the children itâs ok to be treated this way. Addictions are hard to break he may need to join a program to help. Iâm not sure if a judge can force him I believe thatâs something he has to want to do. But definitely do not take him back till he proves he can be sober more then a short amount of time.
Heâs gotta get sober for himself. Not because of you, or the kids, or the fear of losing you all. Because then itâll always have resentment and will always fall off the wagon. If itâs abusive, I think this could be the proper step for you and your kids. Thatâs not what you married.
Follow Thru! I did, and he has been sober and treating me Great!! for 4 years. I live in my own home and pay for my own crap. If he wants to be in my life, STAY SOBER!
If he is repentant, heâd have made the step of being the one to sleep on the couch, not u. That in itself is telling. Get out of there girl
You need to keep the boundaries you set, or it will only get worse. I had this issue as well. My BD is an alcoholic, he went to rehab and a few meetings but then went right back to drinking, and he gets abusive when he drinks. I cut him out of our life completely. If he canât stay sober then I donât want him around my child