Hey, mommas, I got a question? How long did it take for your boyfriends/fiances/ husbands to help with the babies? Like changing diapers and putting the baby to sleep. My fiancee makes me feel like everything is more important to him than me and his daughter, who is eight months old. I do almost everything all the time. Somedays I get so tired that I cant up in the middle of the night when she cries, and I know for a fact he never hears her cry. I just need some advice, no negativity, please!
From day one, my hubby helped. I would not have survived without his help, especially during the night.
I didn’t have much help with my boys
My ex is an ass but he helped from minute one. My current raised his kids alone…so its not men, its YOURS being a selfish ass…tell him to step up now or leave.
He never helped. Never got up through the night. If I made a bottle and handed him the baby then he might feed her. Babies are work and he didn’t want anything to do with that. She was my job.
Um, they should be able to jump right in and care for their children. They should WANT TO care for their children.
I always got up with mine cuz I breastfed, so I just slept by babies bed so I didn’t have to get up
In the hospital and to this day.
Always did. I have a keeper.
You are a very patient woman to have not brought that up for 8 months
My man has been hands on since our baby girls first breath of life ! He is her caretaker while im at work during the day then i get home he goes to work … when i was on maternity leAve i would do nights and he would do early mornings and evenings so i could sleep in … and he is 27 and im 38 i am truly truly BLESSED !! (Our baby girl will turn 1 on monday and i am 30 weeks pregnant with our son )
Don’t have another one with him. … Raising children is hard work .
To be honest, with our first baby i did it almost all of it. He would help on the weekends but i still would get up at night with my baby. I didn’t mind bc my husband works 40+ a week. So i guess if you’re tired then just let him know and talk about it. Or do what i did one time, leave the house for a day. That’s how i got my husband’s attention so he started helping some more.
Since the babies born, actually after the first one born i had to stay at the hospital like 3 days and he take the baby home by himself, no family or friends help… after the second the same thing happens but i stayed in the hospital for more days, he took care of both babies (a year apart) by himself… now they hare 5 & 4 and he still doing it
Mine helps out and has since the day he was born, with things he can anyways
Mine helped from the start. Remember their just as much his. It takes a village!
If a man wont help, leave. It will not improve, he is selfish, and you can be a single parent without the frustration of his lazy ass just lying there. He made a baby as much as you did and if will not help, you deserve better.
Do you work outside home? I think today most moms work too. It should all be 50/50, especially if you work. That’s like you doing two jobs and he has one. My son does far more than most dads. Everything is 50/50, even taking turns with night cries etc.
He is in it to win it or Out
Had 4 children, did it all my husband did nothing.
My baby’s father helped from the get go. I had a hard pregnancy and he took care of her while I recovered. He changed diapers, got up with her so I could sleep, etc… I was one of the lucky ones.
Uhh, if the guy in question didn’t snap-to the second you said, “I’m pregnant”, you whiffed in the Baby Daddy Lottery. Those guys will NEVER lift a finger to do " woman’s work".
Just remember, every sperm donor is a father. It takes a special guy to be a Dad.
mine has helped since the hospital. he has slack days and after a few days i gotta remind him to take her sometimes so i can get a minute to myself. he prefers the toddler stage and can’t enjoy much with an infant. she’s 2 months old. but he has been letting me sleep in some lately and things like that when hes off work
Never had any man help with their kids ever
Must be one of those “traditional” guys that consider it your job, not his. Youre better off being single if you want more from him and hes unwilling to give more.
As soon as he found out that I was expecting when the baby was born he would get up and help with everything
Leave him, it will only get worse. People treat you the way you allow them too, so stop allowing it.
You can do it honey . Never mind him x
Lol. A good dad will help from the beginning, the fact that she’s almost a year old. He’s lost a huge milestone of a babies life if he hasn’t stepped up yet he won’t.
Day 1. No way am I doing it alone
Have you asked? Sometimes hearing the person that you love tell you to your face no it’s your job opens up all of your senses.
Might be time to take yourself out of town alone for a weekend, just he and the baby will have to figure it out… Ben Affleck, Jersey Girl
Since our baby was born. She is a toddler now and I definitely do more, but he helps. Nothing is just MY responsibility. I’m sorry u have to do it alone, bc having children is truly hard work. For sure we may b better at some things as they r in others. Maybe y’all can start by agreeing whatever he can do he will b responsible for. It may not ALWAYS work but it may b a start to help him along and take a load or two from u. Good luck.
Fall back on the things you do for him… don’t cook, don’t clean, just take care of you and the baby. When he complains, tell him you need more support. If he doesn’t change, you may need mediation. Unfortunately expectations need to be set in the beginning because men get stuck in their ways FAST…
He never got up with her even once … we are divorced. Do yourself a favor and don’t marry him … he will not get any better but he most likely will get worse
I’d give him one chance to change then remove myself and consider it a blessing there is no need to file for divorce. Seriously women need to find out what type of man they are with before a child is involved
Well mine started helping the day he met my kids. We have a baby on the way and he will help the second it’s born. He helps take care of my 5 week old niece. No offence but your man sounds like he is either afraid or he is just not in it.
From day one my husband helps with our daughter we are a team.
Day 1. Hand her to him, say “tag, you’re it”, then leave for the day. Go pamper yourself. He’s capable.
Day one. Talk to him if shit don’t change he ain’t no man he’s a boy
…real men step up to plate and want to help out
my hubby helped at the hospital and after but he can’t stand poo nappies. At night when bubba was a new born I would do everything because my hubby works so he needs his sleep. But yeah he does help me when he is home.
Mine did from the beginning, even with my older children that weren’t biologically his!
My [foster] mother gave me the best advice and I’ll share it with you.
There are two types of men that care for children.
Ones that jumps right in excitedly, and one that needs a little bit of prompting.
The first is hands on everything while the other may have grown up with the belief system that says the responsibility is solely on the mother.
She told me that if I ever came across the second type, create the atmosphere to communicate my needs and the needs of the baby. Be clear, concise, and without judgment or accusations.
The father of my eldest was the second type.
I talked to him more than once about it before he tried helping with a feeding at night. He then transitioned to diaper changing.
Every little bit helped to me and I was very vocal with him about my graciousness that he aided me.
I’d say to try talking a few times with him.
Nope. None. And any minuscule task was an eye roll. Each of the 4 births that included 3 c-sections. Insanely selfish man. No longer with him. However, if I have more children, I know my current love would help with absolutely everything, no questions asked.
2 months. He held him and is a great dad. But he was worried he would hurt him.
I stop handle night feeds and most of the days. He’s 5 months now. Key is napping when they do at least once a day. Try and get even a half hour of alone time when he gets home. Start small.
All men are raised different. Maybe his dad wasn’t hands on. Some men are also scared of being blamed for something when it’s a little girl. They feel strange about it. Their child or not.
Never… I did it all… I love being a mom… Mine are 28 an 33
My children’s dad was all hands on from the second they were born! He tried to get out of changing poopy diapers but he fed them, bathed them, rocked them etc. He was ok with wet diapers but not poo ones. LOL
As soon as u push out the baby. And he’s NOT helping, he’s taking care of HIS kid. This is why is so important to learn about a man before having his baby.
Can you take the baby and yourself to see your mom? Or a gramma type figure in your baby’s life? If so, go do this and let the gramma help so you can rest up and decide your next steps. If you want to do it all while he does nothing, then go home rested and ready to do that.
Day 1 or gone. Dudes don’t change. He is what he is. He’s showing you.
I’d leave and do it alone.
My fiance works on the road 4 days a week and he still helps with her when he’s home. I get up with her every night but if I’m exhausted or having a rough day, he will take over. If I wanna take a nap, I tell him and go lay down. If i want to sleep in, I tell him the night before and then hand her to him when he gets up (he wakes up super early and leaves us in the room usually). He feeds her, soothes her, rocks her to sleep, plays with her, changes her, bathes her, dresses her, packs the diaper bag, carries the diaper bag and pushes her stroller when we’re out. He’s done all this since the day she was born. If you haven’t already, talk to him. My mom told me 3 months is when dads bond more with baby because they have more if a personality by then and aren’t so fragile. If he isn’t stepping up, he needs an ultimatum. It takes two.
My husband helped from the beginning with both. I was bed ridden for a month with the first and even though he worked he would get up with the baby in the middle of the night. Our second i went back to work after 10 days and he took right over. I guess it all depends on the man though and what you allow. My inlaws thought my husband was crazy for being so hands on. But these are his kids too.
I’m sorry I can’t not be negative about that, most especially because I dealt with the same thing with my soon to be ex husband. He told me it was because of the trauma of losing his first son and maybe that was partially true. But that didn’t stop it from hurting when he would get angry at me for asking for his help or for our son’s crying waking him up or when our son’s cries finally stopped waking him. It took him a year for him to start just playing with him once a day. You need to be careful and tell him what it is you want and if he can’t give it to you… it’s up to you what sort of life you want and what sort of person you want to spend that life with. I can only tell you that I myself regret not being the one to leave.
My son is 4 and I’m still waiting… 🤦
From day one on all 6
He was your choice, live with it or move on. Teach your kid to make better choices than you did.
They should start taking care of the baby day one. It is not considered helping, it is assuming responsibility for the child they have fathered.
Nope I did it on my own tossed the idiot to the curb with the help of my family I raised my daughter now she’s a bright beautiful 21 year old lady
Day 1. He’s been actively helping with late night feeding, diaper changes, cuddling, watches her when I need to run errands or step out to have some me time. Talk to your man. He needs to step up big time.
If u dont want a negative answer do t ask a negative question. How does someone positively say he is a dead beat dad and should be helping. Men need to take part in their own kids lives that child should have 2 parents not one.
Sucks to be u! Now that is my positivity since u do not want any negativity! Bitch with an attitude already!
I don’t know how to answer this positively. Let me just say that if , 8 months in, you are waiting for him to “help you”, something is horribly wrong. You are parents - partners in raising this human. I would make an appointment to see a couples counselor/therapist. There are programs to do it for free if you can’t afford it. An objective therapist might wake him up to the reality of what he owes to his child, and to the mother of his child.
Stop thinking as “ he helping me” and ask yourself “ does he takes care of her daughter, at all? .
Day one. He’s not helping you. It has nothing to do with you. He should be helping to raise what’s also his kid.
My little one is 8 yrs old and my husbad has been seeing to her needs from day 1…she even says no mommy i want daddy to brush my hair he makes better hairstyles…so my opinion is men help out of love
Lol never! I’ve done it all on my own since i found out i was pregnant. Sometimes i would love to see certain couples do it on their own… Maybe people wouldn’t complain so much.
Well, stop taking care of him. See how he likes that. Tell him with the baby demanding so much of your time and energy, you have nothing but what you give to him, and seeings as he wont help, then your not going to waste the little time on him, keep it for yourself. Let him cook and wash his own clothes. He can take care of his own needs, including the sex ones. Turn around is fair play.
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I sure hope his name is on the birth certificate. I held my sons before their mother did in the delivery room. You my dear are stuck with a P O S. Good luck, get a lawyer.
I have three and I was there from the start
Alot of men are scared to handle them when thay are that small. On the other spectrum some dont feel comfortable changing baby girls diapers.
Some get straight into everything then some never start there are some in between .
Best way to get him to help is wait for his day off and get up early and head out…no warning! Leave instructions on food and formula and put the rest in his hands! Be gone all day so he knows what it’s like to be with baby all day. They will survive, you may have a mess to clean up or you can leave instructions that the house be in the same shape as you left it…your choice. Daughter is old enough he can’t do too much wrong but running after her, changing her and then feeding her will hopefully wake him up to taking care of a child. You get some you time and trust me, that makes you a better person overall. Have fun!
When we had our daughter my husband said ‘am i not helping u enough ’ so i turned around n said to him ’ am the one helping u… btw u aint helping its ur duty’ that was it hes been a great dad since… i think men need to be told some of them jus dont realise…
Talk it out now. He made this baby too. Men need to know what we go through everyday as new mommies. Make him help you. Say “it’s your turn”
The father of my first two children where like that. Never got up with them never helped. Now I’m married and have 2 more children and he gets up with them at night more then I do. He canged dipers day 1. Helpful since they are 18 months apart. A real man takes care of his children not just financial but in every other way 2.
Day 1. Daddy’s (parents) dont get to decide when the child needs them. It’s a everyday all day thing from pregnancy/birth on.
My babies were born at home and my husband was definitely a hands on dad he was involved in every aspect of the birth and taking care of the children in fact he took a lot of pride in changing diapers and taking care of the kids he was a great partner when it came to child care
Everytime you have to wake up, wake him up. Cold water thrown on the lazy cunt would be ideal.
Seems as if you have two children
You know what you need to do
You’re just asking to get validation
Just tell him what to do. I’ve always had to tell my husband…He definitely wasn’t born to automatically know.
Never. Then abandoned us and used a fake social security number to avoid financial responsibility. (We had been married 8 years and our son was barely 3). Honestly he begged for a child then became JEALOUS of that baby. Moral: choose better than I did.
Right away we had a set of twins who are now 28 yrs old. And he took better care of them then any man I’ve known… I’ll be sleep he’ll get up bath them feed them and make bottles. It’s called LOVE. And we’re still married today 30 yrs and counting we have 7 children and he helped with every last one and 15 grands it just depends on the man and your understanding
I’m still waiting (oldest is almost 17…probably one of the reasons we are now divorced)
In the hospital when they were born.
About half an hour after he was born?..
Immediately! This is ridiculous!
A few hours after my kids were born. My husband did all the changes in the hospital, and he does the diaper changes at night when he’s home.
The second she comes out 🤷🏻
My last child’s father has been doing things since day 1… has even been the stay at home parent since she was 3 months. She’s now almost 6 months. And takes care of my 5 year old and 2.5 year old from a previous relationship…
My hubby was not natural at it, I had to ask him to do things. A lot. I don’t have to ask him as much now, it’s starting to become more natural for him… our daughter just turned 2. I hope it gets better for you, but it may take some “training” (for lack of a better word at the moment).
The second he was born.
As soon as our son was born he started helping and still helps without questions and our son is 4 but then again he has two adult daughters so our son is his 3rd
From the day they are born.
My hubby helped as soon as we got home. Very much hands on with everything
My boyfriend only really helps when I ask him. But that’s just how our relationship is. I take care of baby and the house, he works. 🤷
From day 1… we made the kids together and we raise them together. Yes I typically get up more at night with them, but he helps if he hears them or if I ask him to, and during the day when he is home he parents right alongside me. What has he said when you’ve asked for help? Mine was a little unsure what would be a help in the very beginning so he was a little less hands on, but once we got into full swing he is always helpful.
He started helping as soon as she was born. 8 months without help is a long time. He needs to shape up.
Um, my husband has helped with everything from the minute my son was born. That’s what dads do.
From day 1 thank god blessed brilliant dad
My husband started in the hosp…changed her, got spit up all over and still popped out to get me flowers.
If he’s not doing anything, you need to talk to him.
No point in being together if you’re a single parent.