My ex worked all day and it was hard work. I got to nap with my baby so I never expected him to get up in the middle of the night but there were times he did. With one of our babies I had to sleep in the recliner & he slept on the couch next to me … I never asked him to.
First off I’m a single mother to 4 kids and I love every second of it and trust me no man will help even if yall have a label on each other. I dont rely on any man to help me I’ve tooken care my kids since I found out I was pregnant with them I’d never ask for anyone to help me.
1 Like
As soon as I had both kids. I think he feed & changed more diapers than I did. Also when both boys would wake up at 4am he would let me let sleep & he would change the diaper and feed them before he left for work at 5am and let me sleep
1 Like
My husband always ‘helps’, since day one…in fact I don’t like to refer to it as ‘help’ because it’s parenting and I always include him when people say nice things about my family. He does just as much as I do plus provides for my family. That’s how it should be in my opinion.
2 Likes
Mine never helped without a fight… My best advise is to pay attention to his behavior and decide what you can and can’t live with. You deserve all the help you need.
He didnt want to, but we both worked and I told him he was going to help. He could either get up every other night or we could take turns getting up. Diapers and everything else during weekends… well, he kinda sucked. He is better now that our son is older. He plays with him and jokes with him and teaches him things. Baby time just wasnt his thing.
It’s still a struggle sometimes. Sometimes I get the ‘I pay the bills so I don’t have to…!’
If the word “help” is removed from the conversation and call it responsibility then I believe men would raise to the occasion.
We have a 3 year old (not biologically my fiancé’s) and a 10 month old, and he’s literally helped since day one of meeting my oldest daughter. Now, I work more than me does, so he does more for both of our daughters because he’s with them more. Your fiancé not doing his part is not okay.
From the second my babies take their first breath. My husband is so hands on and it melts my heart
1 Like
You arevexhausted. Don’t wait for him to help…tell him. Or at least hire a babysitter so you can nap. Many men still don’t seem to think mama’s are super heroes. New babies are tough… my premee was fed every 2 hrs and drank very little and it took 4 months before he slept 4 hrs. I often sat in a chair with him on my chest. He didn’t sleep all night till he was 2.
1 Like
Both babies my awesome husband did night shift the first night in the hospital and woke me only for feeding.
Never really got help overnight but I can’t complain about mine, he took care of all them all the time since day one and still does
From day one my husband has helped. That’s how he imprints on our baby’s. He has them the first three days, (of course I’m there) and then we share the work load. He’s he first to change, sleep and feed them. He’s very involved
My husband didn’t really help with our first one, our son. But he was ready to help with our daughter from the first night. He got up in the middle of the night with her always!! I figured out I was the one blocking him from helping me with our son since he was our first I didn’t want anyone to help. Could that be it? If not no worries it will work out. You are a great mom I’m sure.
My husband does everything for our son (4months) when he is not at work up till he has to go to bed so he can be up for work at 2. He also goes above and beyond for my daughter from a previous relationships who is 10 but he’s been “dad” since she was 5.
I am very envious of some of you women… My son is 5 years old… And Ill leave it as that 
Your man is a piece of shit you need to inform him of that
From day one it’s always been a team effort. But if he doesn’t hear the baby just give him an elbow to the ribs and tell him it’s his turn.
1 Like
From the minute all three were born. When we had our first, he changed all the nappies he done everything he could to help. Always has done just as much as me and even more that me with the kids and housework while I worked full time. I don’t understand how some men done do equal or how women let them get away with it. If my hubby didn’t help out like he did, I would have him packed up and out the door haha!
1 Like
At about 6 months he was afraid he would hurt them since they were so little and he had big hands
all day every day. it’s a team effort to keep these hooligans alive
3 Likes
My husband helped the entire pregnancy, labor, and immediately after birth. He stepped up and was a man about it. No, he doesn’t always or even most of the time hear her cry at night but he does take care of her by himself when he knows I am at my limits or when I need extra sleep. He held her first and changed her first diapers. Helped me hold and move her when I couldnt after surgery. He was with me while I cried and labored 30+ hours with her. He was there for my vomit during pregnancy and hers after birth. He is my hero. He is what I believe every man should be at the very least, though I still consider him one of the very best.
My hope for any other woman out there is that your husband steps up to be the partner you need and father your baby needs like mine has.
It’s not helping even though we like to call it that, it’s contributing because it’s a team effort to have a family and to care for one another.
Luke , thank you for being my favourite ‘team captain’ 
I’m proud to have you as mine. 
3 Likes
My husband helped since day 1. He can do everything, except bathing our baby (which I totally understand his fear of her slipping).
I thank God for him.
Maybe have some real talk with your SO?
1 Like
Lol I can barely get my husband to change diapers without hearing a mini fit. She turned 2 in June and we have another one coming in March. I give her all her baths and get her ready for bed every night and read her stories and everything else. Trying to get him to do much of anything is like pulling teeth. I already just expect to do everything with our second as well. I mean I guess sometimes he will let me sleep in when he’s off work and feed her breakfast and if she poops in the bathtub or something gross he will normally handle the mess lol I’m okay with it. If I feel like pulling my hair out I’m sure he would step in lol
Wake him up and say it’s your turn. He may feel nervous. Just hand her to him and say she wanted Daddy. Then walk away . Go do something else that needs done. Or girl, nap!
Should start immediately mine did but all men are different
From the very start sorting bottles, changing bums the only thing he can’t do is sick never has been able to do sick though so can’t hold that against him 
He’s also amazing with my older twwp from a previous relationship
He stepped right into the daddy /step dad role
2 1/2 yrs my hubby loves our son but he never changes diapers and I’m okay with that bc I get to stay home
My husband has done everything from day one, minute one. He goes to be with them when I’m still getting stitched up in my C-section. He was great afterwards too while I’m recovering. We made the babies together and we take care of them together.
Compliments… positive reinforcement. Tell him how good he is doing when he interacts with her. Most men are afraid of a baby that tiny. Also, just make other plans where you can’t take the baby for a couple of hours and just leave her with him. It will work itself out.
My ex has always been a very hands on dad. Totally dotes on our son. Whenever he isn’t working our lad is with him. He’s 7 now. Was 4 when we broke up. It didn’t work out with us but I don’t regret being with him, nor the fact we have this boy who bonds us for life.
We have an awesome kid. Bright, funny, kind. A little cheeky, but in a funny way. And he loves us just as much as we love him.
I’m sorry yours seems so withdrawn. Just remind him how much you love him, and the baby does. Say to him can you hold her while I finish putting the washing away/finish washing up/while I check on dinner.
Or “I think daddy needs a cuddle” go sit with him and just give it some time.
Sending love x
For a lot of guys, especially if it’s their first baby, helping out with the baby is not instinctual. Women have a natural nurturing instinct. Guys have more of a hunter gatherer instinct. I dont mean to sound sexist or anything. I’m not being offensive just giving observation from my own experience.
My hubby had to learn how to take care of a baby. I had to take the time to teach him what a baby wants. Plus criticizing how he does things always discouraged him from helping. Guys need to find their own way of doing things. It’s okay if it’s not how I did things. Easy to say but hard to do.
He used to call me when our first kid cried while I was grocery shopping so I could tell him what kind of cry it was:heart:
. Like I had a superpower he didnt. The key is to calmly communicate without being accusatory. Tell him how you feel and work out a schedule if you need to.
Since I stayed home and he worked. I got up most of the time at night, plus I nursed so unless I pumped he couldnt do a lot at first. On weekends he got up after an elbow or two so I could rest a bit. Dont let yourself be desperate for a break before you ask for help. Communicate with your partner.
We have 4 kids and in the beginning I would have never thought he would be the stay at home parent but he is while I work full time. He is amazing at it and has found his own rhythm.
2 Likes
My husband has been hands on since delivery with all 3 of our kids he spent the whole time with me at the hospital never left my side now he gets up with them lets me sleep in and brings me coffee in bed when I wake we share afternoons with the kids and I have night shift with the kids
He doesn’t want to hear
A year, mind you I stayed at home, he worked 10-12 hours a days and he wasn’t comfortable (thought he was going to “break” our daughter.). With his nephew whole different story… “Boys are more durable”. Even then he didn’t change or anything, just hold and play.
Leave him with the baby and go get a nice hotel room. He’ll appreciate you more and help once he’s forced to take care of the baby. Or an evening/afternoon to yourself. You deserve some YOU time.
1 Like
Did he show these characteristics before you had a baby? Was he always there for you, did he put your needs first? OR did you have a baby thinking he would finally change and make you both a priority? Be honest with yourself
2 Likes
Day one… my husband has helped with our son who is currently 11 months since day one in the hospital he changed every single diaper and for the first 2 weeks he was home with me would get up in the night change him then give him to me to breast feed (I had a csection so he stayed home with me to help me out) he hasn’t stopped helping since and currently our son is sick and he’s laying in the recliner with him so he can breathe easier and get some sleep he actually took him from me so I could get some sleep and he’s been up holding him since
Mine did pretty good.
My fiancé is the greatest thing I could’ve asked for, during my pregnancy I was in the hospital for about a month and he was there every single day helping with whatever I needed, he is still the biggest help now that our little man is here, sometimes I don’t wake up at night and he’s right there to help take care of him, works 70 hr weeks and still comes home and helps. If your man really loves you and your baby, there’s nothing he won’t do to help 
1 Like
My son was 3ish years old when he started helping. It caused so much tension and so much stress among other things we are now getting divorced.
1 Like
I ask for help when I need it. I breastfeed and change diapers, but he always helps when I ask.
He’s trash. My husband helped from the night we brought our son home.
1 Like
It not going to change
1 Like
Dont like it get out of relationship ur the mom do what ur supposed to do
1 Like
Sense they where born. Never had a problem I would even pump some nights and he would get up instead of me. he always helped with the kids I never have to ask he’s always hands on.
1 Like
My husband took over with baby stuff (except nursing obviously, though he helps with that as he can) while we were still in the hospital. I didn’t change a single diaper until our daughter was probably 4 days old. This child is both of ours and we act as such. That being said, I take nights most of the weekdays and he takes the weekend nights when he’s not working. Good luck!
1 Like
My husband NEVER. My Dad was the same so I didn’t know the difference.
1 Like
No negativity? Your fiancé is a douche and needs to grow up
Regardless of your relationship with him he has a child and responsibilities to that child
Hold him accountable and make no apologies, he’s a father now
He an choose to be a good one or a shit one and if he make the wrong decision, you owe it to yourself and your baby to find a man who makes family a priority
I hope things get better for you
In the hospital right after I gave birth to them.
My man has helped from the very beginning. Even helping in the middle of the nights. It’s not just my baby, it’s ours. We are a team & do it together
1 Like
First day 1. If he hasn’t started yet, you have a problem. He’s not magically going to start now.
1 Like
Uh you have a mouth. Talk to him.
Probably best to raise this child on your own. Men don’t change. He’ll never help.
2 Likes
For me the day our son was born he was the one changing the diapers and feeding the first 2 days when he went back to work it was my turn lol but once he would get home from work at around 11 or 12 at night he would get our son so i could rest until he would go back to work it was my turn again
1 Like
From day 1 like they are supposed to. Sometimes I have to tell him to if it’s been a long day. I’ll also let him have lazy parent days, but it I need him he’s there.
In my experience, men feel helpless and don’t know what to do and usually don’t ask either. My partner helped a little here and there and then went into a great big depression lasting 8 months where he rarely got out of the bed, even to eat. But once he came out of it and our son wasn’t as small, he felt like he could do a little more with him and started playing with him and changing diapers more. Once he was about 18m, partner felt more confident in taking him outside or to the store by themselves and regularly helps with feeding and diapers and baths. The key for us was for me to step back. I realized no one was standing over me telling me what to do. So I allowed him to make mistakes and try to read him on his own unless he asked me for help. It was SO hard. It still is. Bc you know your child better and want to help. But unless dad asks, it’s really taking away from their bonding and learning each other.
2 Likes
My bd doesn’t help me all my son is 21 months, they don’t change!!
1 Like
My husband started helping since my son was born, yeah he was afriad of hurting him since first time taking care of newborn but he did his best and helped when he could. Now whenever he is home he helps me with our boys with whatever he can. If i were you i would talk to him because your little girl is his too and he should be helping you.
3 Likes
Mine? Never, nothing. Until they were about 3 
1 Like
Immediately from the second my son was born
My husband has helped in every possible way
He’s helped as much as he could from birth for both our kiddies. With my second, I couldn’t have been without him as he helped me so with much breastfeeding in the hospital (we have a huge age gap between our kids) and is forgotten how to do it so the nurses showed him and he did it for me while I was half asleep
I deal with taking care of two kids… I don’t mind it nor do I complain. Yes I agree it would be nice to get help but if I don’t it doesn’t get me down one bit
Talk to him n start to introduce him slowly but surely. It will be Mercy but the point will be he’s helping. It’s gud to rest n know that today its not your turn to do the run around
As soon as the baby came out the V.
I don’t understand y’all. I did the majority of work with the kids. But if my husband didn’t "help"aka take care of his own dang kids I absolutely would not have had another one with him. My husband started changing diapers in the hospital. If he doesn’t help talk to him, tell him you are overwhelmed, heck kick him in the middle of the night till he gets his dang butt out of bed. But if you keep saying nothing he will think its all fine and dandy and you will lose it. Talk, communicate, and if he’s not willing to do at least the bare minimum there is absolutely no point in hanging around.
My husband never changed a diaper in his life up until I got pregnant with our first, our son. I had a teddy bear that was the perfect size for him to practice with and he learned. He was a little more hesitant with our daughter, like she was a brittle little thing that would break at his touch, but he helped where he could (both kids were breastfed).
Talk to him? Let him know that it is perfectly fine for him to lend a hand, that he won’t break the baby.
If she’s 8 months old and he still isn’t helping then maybe it’s time for a break. If you and your daughter are really important to him then he will start helping. If he doesn’t then you dodged a bullet
My man helped since day 1. You need to tell him to start acting like a father and help you with the baby. It takes a village, and if you are overwhelmed it is bad for everyone
He never took care of the baby at all. He never did anything for me or the baby. Unfortunately, some men never care about anyone but themselves.
Sorry I couldn’t be there
Some guys don’t know what they are supposed to do. Others try and are told they are doing it wrong. You need to sit down and talk to each other. Ask him if he feels left out,or is afraid he will do something wrong. We women have a very protective instinct and just wait to pounce thinking we know best .
My soon to be husband and the father of my kids was so nervous because they were so small but he tried when from the moment the boys were born
Who cares if the husband or boyfriend works full time and mom stays home. I am a mom of two 3 and 4 years old now and let me tell you our job as a stay at home mom is harder than a full time Monday-Friday 9am-5pm job. We moms need a helping hand and a Break to ourselves. Whenever your husband/boyfriend say ‘ I am tired I work all day long ‘ that’s a plain stupid excuse not to help. Being a SAHM is a exhausted than a full time regular job … FYI so let those men help you!!!
My husband was afraid to hurt our daughter and didn’t know anything at all I had to teach him how to feed burp and change diapers now he helps with our second baby when I ask but he takes over our toddler when he is not at work