So at what point does a single mom draw the line? My son’s father left when I was three months pregnant, and our son is just shy of 2 now. He randomly sent a nasty message demanding I put him on a plane and to see him and his siblings… he also said I should update HIS family about our son. Furthermore, my son’s dad isn’t on his birth certificate. We live in different states, and he’s met our son 2x over a year ago; he doesn’t pay child support and is very intermittent with contact. Our son is a secret to his new baby mom, so there are only certain hours that he can call and vice versus.
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Idk why this is a question. I wouldnt give him the time of day. If you dont have custody established do so and ask for 100% legal and physical.
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Uh he has no right to tell you what to do block him not a hard decision. Make him take steps to get all that if he wants
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This is tough! From what you describe, You do not owe the father a thing - he should update his family. He should pay to help with the child. Obviously he will not be playing a major role in your child’s life so why entertain it
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He hasn’t been in this child’s life hardly ever. Don’t send the child. If he wants so bad to see him - let him come to you!
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Go to lawyer and protect yourself for coming after you for stuff like this
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He was nothing ,but a sperm donor .
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Nope ignore him not worth it
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He’s not on the birth certificate so he honestly has 0 legal rights until he takes you to court. And even then he’s going to look stupid
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Drunk message? Screw that crap. Ignore it. If he persists…call while new baby momma is around. Bet it stops then lol oh and in that conversation…tell him to get a lawyer if he wants to see his child. Otherwise, see ya in the next life and change your number. Case closed. Not on birth certificate means even if you’re 100% sure it’s his child HE needs a paternity test before he has any rights whatsoever to this child. End of story no loop holes.
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Where do you draw the line?
Awhile ago.
He has no rights.
He’s not on the birth certificate.
Your child doesn’t even know him.
But ya you should contact a lawyer to cover yourself. Doesn’t sound good he’s so demanding suddenly.
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I’d block his ass and change my number. 
Get custody. Now! Don’t wait around for this man to try to sue you for custody. Weird that his new bm doesn’t know. Let him deal with that. You just do you. But seriously, don’t put it off. Get custody!
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Right now. Toss the letter in the trash and go on with your life.
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I feel like he drew that line for you. Don’t feel obligated to give into his demands. If he is keeping YOUR son a secret from his new chick than why should you have to update his family? Ultimately the decision is yours but I would ignore his demands. If he really wanted to be apart of your son’s life than he would show that which I feel he is clearly not. I am sorry you have to deal with this and I hope things get better for you 
Get protection order against him for harrassment…and stalking
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Girl fuck him figuratively tell him he can get all that as soon as he starts paying support I bet he pipe down then & stop accepting his calls let him text ( proof in writing jic)
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Never give him to this man. You may not get him back.
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I am not a mother, but do not send your child. If he wanted a relationship with your child he would have concerned himself some time ago. Seek legal advice if your concerned about him retaliating, but agreed he is not listed on birth certificate, no rights.
I would say you should have drawn that line a long time ago when he left you and the baby and showed no support or interest in either of you for the most part. You owe him nothing and by the sounds he would only mess up your son’s life to let him have any contact w/him at all.
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Ha!!! Tell him to take you to court if he wants those things. If you were not married at the time he will likely have to prove paternity.
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NOW ! ! Shut it down and move on he has nothing to offer.
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Step 1. send his new wife a friend request.
Step 2. Send his mother a friend request.
Step 3. Tag his mother in pictures of her
grandchild.
Step 4. Problem solved.
Step 5. Hir a really good lawyer.
Ignore him. If he wants any rights to that child he can take u to court and he will b made to pay child support. I know u r not asking for that but that is what the court will do. The court also will not make u put him on a plane and just ship him off to ppl he doesnt know. B strong and just ignore it and go on with ur life with ur son. Wishing u all the best
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Set up a custody agreement asap. Be sure to include stipulations for visits, such as supervised visits until age x or x amount of visits before you will allow unsupervised. Or no traveling to other states/countries until age x unless you are welcome to come and can afford or he pays. Been here, there are definitely ways to protect your son from being thrown into a “stranger” situation. Oh and stipulations for plane tickets, he pays all or half. If he pursues the custody first, in the eyes of the court he is the greatest person ever. I would suggest getting a jump on getting agreement established. You can ignore this like some suggested but he could also use his attempt to contact against you. I tried these same methods and sperm donor set up a claim of paternity and custody. Any time he didnt pay (which he is in the hole over $40k at this point) he wouldnt be punished and still hasnt been punished for nonpayment. Kind of funny being our agreements in TX and they pride themselves on harsh punishment for child support evaders. 
Seriously, he’s not on the birth certificate, if he wants rights after all this time tell him to take it to court and let’s see how that goes over with the judge when he hears what he hasn’t for his child
tell him to kick rocks , and if he wants to actually spend time with his son, do it the right way.
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This guy has no legality. Change your number and never look back.
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Since your child isn’t of age to determine if he would like to see his father then it’s up to you to do what’s best for him. If his father wants to see him then he needs to make the move to see him. It’s not up to you to pay for plane trips, or keep his family members informed of anything. If they wanted to be in his life they would. Don’t feel bad for doing anything in the best interests of your child.
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Girl you better run put him on child support the nerve of some these men 
Change ur phone number
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Tell him to go fly a kite and hang onto the string when it lifts off, mo love don’t do it.
Make sure you document every so if it goes to court
Seems like you have not gotten over him, because for 1 hes not on the birth certificate, 2 why does he still have your number, 3 why do you indulge him in conversations. IDK but you need to get rid of his calls block his ass. Mommies baby daddies maybe 
Find an attorney that specializes in cases like this. Your baby daddy needs a DNA test and support order. You will need this money.
Ignore him, my son’s sperm donor hasn’t contacted us in like 6 months… I would laugh hysterically if he ever tried coming around.
Contact a Lawyer. Make him pay support. Set up strict visitation. Too bad about the women that doesn’t know your son exists. That’s on the Ex.
Otherwise. You need the lawyer, so this mess is straightened out; and done with.
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DO NOT SEND HIM ON A PLANE! DONT SEND HIM AT ALL!!! Get court ordered custody and if he wants to be a part of the child’s life he needs visitation set up. No overnights he’d have to come to you. He would have to accept financial responsibility as well. I say not to send him because with no court order he doesn’t have to give him back.
I would definitely make him take you to court if he wants any visitation. I wouldn’t be sending my toddler to see a stranger. Your son has no idea who he is. I would only keep him updated with things about him IF HE ASKS. Other than that I would keep everything through text or email.
I wouldn’t give him the time of day but definitely speak with a lawyer to protect yourself and child from future problems with him. Example: him accusing you of keeping the kids from him or him claiming he didn’t even have knowledge of the child.
Girl, fuck that nonsense. Just ghost him.
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And why are you even contacting ,go live your life with your son and move on , I just don’t understand some females
Do not give in. With nothing legal on paper you are open to him getting control in a custody situation. If he wants to see him he needs to file for visitation and ONLY do what the courts orders for now.
You have full custody at this point. Even if he was granted some sort of custody he’d have to come to you with supervised visitation. Tell him you don’t know who he thinks he’s talking to but he needs to be on the up n up when it comes to YOUR child. And no he’s not ever going on a plane to see you and a girlfriend that don’t want his baby there. Obviously. Get it right! Or bye
Why is there even a question, he only does what you allow. He can’t control anything, there for put him on child support and visitation. It’s not about him or you the child best interest is what the courts will oversee
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Your job is your child obviously he was out of the picture if he is not on birth certificate as stated no rights he would need to file in court and have paternity and if so they can back date support to the birth date. Personally I agree I would realize he has not been there and I would protect your son block stop engaging in any conversations he does not need to see or know. I do not see a restraining since it seems you have allowed but protect the one that this will hurt not help if he can’t disclose it now he is a waste of time.
Putting on which plane?
You need to stop entertaining him and delete him.Move if you must. If he is a secret to the woman let him continue to be a secret .Seek legal advice on what can or cannot happen
You’re under no obligation to have any contact with him or let him see his son unless YOU choose to let him. That’s all on you if you do choose to. But if he is demanding you to see his son, he has no rights whatsoever.
If he wants any rights to his son, he has to go through the court system and actually file for any custody. HIM. Not you. And he’ll have to pay to have a paternity test done as well since he isn’t on the birth certificate. This is how it is in my state. Idk how different it is in others.
Stand your ground and go with your gut. You are not obligated to tell him crap.
He sounds manipulative and narcissistic. They’ll always make you feel like the bad person when you’ve done nothing wrong.
Just no. If he wants to be part of this child’s life. He needs to be a part of his life on a regular basis. He can’t be a father just when he wants to be. He needs to not be a shame of him.Tell the truth about him. The boy has feelings too!
Sounds like a dodgy guy if he is keeping his child a secret …run run as fast as you can !!!
Sis you said it best in your first sentence when you stated you were A SINGLE MOTHER therefore change your number or block him and live your vest life with your son. GOD BLESS YOU
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Change your phone number and address
Sounds like it’s in his best interest to not know his birth father if he’s a secret to his other child’s mom. Until he wants to claim the child fully and pay for time not spent with him he is yours and yours alone
I’ll never understand why people entertained this type of behavior from others. He is a nobody and has no legal rights the only one who is keeping this going is you and if you don’t want it then you should stop if it keeps going is because you’re allowing it so anything that happens from here on out that negatively affects your son it’s all on you because you have The Choice right now to stop
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He’s obviously not a full box of chocolates!
Seek some legal advice just to be clear. Other than that, get over him, don’t entertain his messages so block him. Delete his number. But first print all the messages he sent you for proof in case…No support, no rights. Your child, your terms.
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Secret baby? Keep him a secret and move on with your life. Don’t worry about him because he has a baby that’s not a secret. Let them be happy. You, move on with your life and be happy.
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Don’t do his work for him.
Either make him pay support, or block him completely and give your child the choice to get in touch when he’s old enough
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Ignore him go to child support and establish paternity and put him on child support but make sure you file for sole and legal custody. He’s only concerned about himself at this point your son is 2 and he’s a secret yeah ok that line should’ve been drawn
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Go to court and file for full custody and child support and he can say his piece to the judge.
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Go to court and file for full custody and child support and he can say his piece. How can you send him on a plane if his gf doesn’t know about him?! Nope.
Just make sure you have full custody. He can pound sand. If they want to know about him they can make an effort.
If he’s not on the birth certificate there’s nothing he can do except take you to court to demand a paternity test. If he does that then he’ll have to pay child support, then the new baby momma will definitely find out. That’s exactly how I would text him back too.
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Fuck him, he ain’t shit
F that guy, You don’t need to do ANYTHING to appease him
You would need to establish paternity to get child support. Then he can get visitation and theres nothing you can do about it. Its been two years, block him. Don’t worry about child support. He wont do anything because this baby is a secret and he wants to keep it that way. He can only legally force visitation, but again paternity needs to be established then he is liable for child support. Block his ass
Trust me. Your son will be better off without him and that stress in his life. I would not entertain that sperm donor for a second!! Block him and move on…
Block that sad excuse of a “sperm donor” and move on. Period!
Block his number and pretend his dead ! You and your child are better off if his not on the birth certificate you owe him nothing … be done with him !
All these comments with take to court, get him visitation, child support, etc. Ladies look at the whole picture!
He left when she was pregnant? Hasn’t seen his son in 2 years besides 2 visits? Lives in another state? Keeps child a secret. Not on the birth certificate.
Girl do your self a favour and forget this guy. Look at it this way he was a sperm donor and he’s not this child’s dad. You have taken care, supported all on your own until now? Keep doing what your doing and don’t give this piece of shit any more of your time!
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Let him pay child support, his day will come.
He could SUCK IT if he was my kids dad. Who the f**k does he think he is ? I’d have pictures taken and mail him one 
he’s a 
Your child doesn’t need that kinda dad … dishonest … doesn’t man up to his responsibilities… and doesn’t offer support … your blessing is he is not on the birth certificate… I’d stop all contact, change my number… and do the very best I could raising child to be be a honest man with values … he will not be getting that from his father…so now it’s on you to do
You don’t cave. Block him and move on. Your child is not a revolving door for when someone feels like being in their life. In the end it will hurt him more having him around like that.
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If he can’t be consistent in your sons life I would cut him off completely! If he wants to see him and be part of his life he will make more effort. It’s not fair to your son and it will be very confusing and upsetting for your son if he is in and out of his life.
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Honestly I’d cut it off while your son is still young enough to not know what’s going on. Before he gets hurt. He’s honestly not invested in his child.
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Consider the line drawn
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Block him and his calls
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Take his ass to court! There is no out of court agreement that will ever work with someone like this.
I’d block him and never answer again
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Your son isnt 2nd class…blocked him and move on put your son first top priority
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I feel like you should know by now what to do considering the facts that have been given
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I feel like you should cut him off entirely. Document everything in case he tries to take you to court
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Well lol… I would highly suggest you two TALK. Start with TALKING , and try to find a common ground.
Find a way for one of the other to travel out of state so child may have parenting time - and seriously, work it out like that. Like adults.
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Don’t talk to him. If he wants to see his child he can pay to go to court, get a DNA test, be put on the birth certificate and get visitation. Unless he does that, ignore him completely.
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Block him and keep track of everything starting with when he left you at 3 months pregnant.
you don’t owe him anything, especially if he isn’t in the birth certificate.
And if his son is a SECRET to new baby mama… HE DOESNT DESERVE A SON AT ALL 
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Block him! If seriously wants to be a Dad, you will get papers to go to court. Don’t give him anymore thought!
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That guy can kick rocks man
You absolutely should not put a 2 year old on a plane by himself. This guy sounds like a dishing.
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Don’t cave in block all contact and move on dont let him know where you live keep track of when he left keep all messages and any evidence just in case idk where you live but in Az if the father isn’t on the birth certificate the father has no rights and has to file for paternity until proven he is the father he has no rights and even then you’re the mother you are the primary parent his family has no rights to the child and neither does he he has no legal rights to the child
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If he isn’t on the birth certificate, doesn’t pay maintenance and hadn’t been involved, don’t do anything. He can’t demand things when he’s not involved. He stands up and becomes a father to your son and pays for him in order for him to do that. Appears as though he’s not happy in his relationship so he’s meddling with you. Don’t get sucked in. If he actually wanted to be father he would have his son’s best interests at heart and would be listening to you to introduce your son and him properly, and do it gradually. Doesn’t seem as though he is trying in my opinion.
I’d block him and his family on EVERYTHING…
Ignore his nasty gram and move on with your life. Let him go to court to get his rights reinstated.
Go file for full custody. Or if hes not on the bc and your state says he has no rights then ignore him.
Tell him if he really wants legal rights, then he has to take you to court. If he puts the effort and money into getting everything settled for your child - great. If not…? Resume life per usual and ignore him. Make sure you have everything texted/emailed/documented for court. Phone calls can also be recorded with a separate device. I’m pretty sure there’s apps that can also record calls.
Nope your son goes nowhere until there’s a legal custody plan. He can fuck off u til he decides to actually step up.
Draw. Rn. Done. Fini. He has no rights atm
What would you say to your friend who asked you this exact question… It’s up to his family to enquire about the kid of they enquire be civil and polite, it’s up to him to tell everyone in his life about this child and it’s up to make to make contact and be in the childs life to be fair he doesn’t deserve your child tell him to do one the block button is there for a reason
Blocked! If yr son is a secret to his new bby momma then keep it that way n stay out the drama girl. Seriously…he lives in a different state anyways…if he really cared he would show it in his actions
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