When do I tell a guy I’m going to go on a first date with that I have a kid?

Upfront, it can be a dealbreaker & no need heading down a road that ends

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That would be like the first thing I say

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First thing I tell anyone is about my daughters… I find it bizarre that you haven’t mentioned it… if he can’t handle that u have kids he isn’t for you… never be ashamed or keep your children out of the loop.

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My children are the most important part of my life, they would have been mentioned right away. It’s a deal breaker for many.

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When i first started talking to my husband the first thing i said is i have kid. Not going to waste my time or someone elses whos not ready for that.

That would have been the first thing I asked and told

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. When do I tell a guy I’m going to go on a first date with that I have a kid?

It’s one of the first things that should have been mentioned naturally really

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I would’ve definitely mentioned it before even deciding to meet in person. You’re a mom so naturally you’re child is a big part of your life. Some people just aren’t kid people too. Be honest as soon as possible otherwise he may think you’re trying to hide something

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Personally, I would have mentioned it from the very beginning. I met my boyfriend online and I was upfront before we even met in person. I agree with Sarah Porter that kids aren’t aren’t everyone and you should be open about it.

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In your dating profine . Should have said Single mom

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You should have told him while talking before even meeting him. The guy I’m with currently I told him while talking before meeting him that I have two kids. And he was totally fine with it. He loves my kids like they are his.

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You should have written it on your dating profile that you’re a single mom. Not everyone wants to date someone with that responsibility and so why would you want to get to know someone who possibly doesn’t want to date someone with kids. Why hide the fact you’re a mom unless you’re ashamed of it. That would be the first thing I mention and if they dont like it then swipe left. Oh well.

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It should have been said immediately so you don’t waste your time. Their reaction will say it all. (Most of the time). Any guy I ever talked to, it would be the first thing I say. (sometimes I expect them to stop talking after that, because I’m not interested, and a lot of guys don’t like women with kids.) But if they are fine with it, there ya go. A lot less time to be wasted, and you won’t have to get your hopes crushed if you just be honest right away.

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it’s def one of the first things I would mention if I would ever have the guts to go on a dating site. and how did your children not make the conversation but a ride to the airport did? I hope he didn’t take your kindness for weakness. that’s a pretty nice gesture :grimacing:

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That should really be one of the very first things you mention

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That should be the first thing because before any dates you are probably good friends,so he should know you are a mother …my conversation is never complete without the mention of my daughter…

First things that come up in texting

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Why didn’t you tell him is the bigger question?

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Your supposed to say hi my name is _____ ,i have 1 kid, …

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Should have been on your site but definitely asap

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I would’ve mentioned my child while talking, before even meeting the person. You’re a packaged deal. Tell them early to avoid wasting your time or theirs. Kids just arent for everyone, you should be pretty open about it. \

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Ummm the first” tell me about yourself?” Lol

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I tell them Right away.
Like boom hey I have kids run now while u can haha.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. When do I tell a guy I’m going to go on a first date with that I have a kid?

"Hey so I know we’re getting along great and I’m happy about that. I just want to give you full disclosure so no confusion arises, I have a kid who is x years old. Some ppl don’t like dating single parents so before we move forward, I just wanted you to have all the cards out on the table in case you don’t agree. :slightly_smiling_face:

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I’d tell him. Your a package deal and hiding your child’s existence until your comfortable might do more harm then good. What if he doesn’t want to date woman with kids? Be honest and upfront asap

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I’d tell him straight away hun its better to know off the bat how they feel about kids especially yours i let it be known im a single mum to anyone I talk to because feelings don’t get hurt a lot of men can’t handle other mens kids so its nice to know straight away. The longer you take to tell him the more he’s going to think you was hiding her dont have to introduce them but like other people have said you and your daughter are a package deal x

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When I met my now husband, he knew I had a baby upfront. Because I’m a package deal, it’s me AND my child not just me.

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He’s from out of town :eyes: make sure he doesn’t have a partner and kids already champ

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That’s something that should have been said from the get go before even meeting.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. When do I tell a guy I’m going to go on a first date with that I have a kid?

It should be the first thing mentioned in my opinion. There’s nothing worse than wasting your time and hurt feelings on someone who doesn’t want to be with you because you have a kid. Your child is apart of you and should come first. So if someone can’t or won’t accept them than you need to move on. If your using dating apps or dating websites mention in your description you have a child and are a single mom

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It needs discussed ASAP. If you are anything like me, my kids come first. Therefore the individual that I am with must understand that as well. They must also understand that the come as a package. If they aren’t willing to understand that- bye Felicia! Don’t waste your time or his if he isn’t willing to accept your daughter.

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I’d of mentioned it as soon as we started talking, out of fairness to him, so he can decide if he’s going to put his time in and happy to pursue someone with children as it’s obviously a huge thing. The good outcome would be he’s not phased but he deserves an early say in whether he is :slightly_smiling_face:

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You’re making it a big deal when it shouldn’t be. Your child is a part of who you are. He can either accept it or not but it’s one thing I would’ve said from the beginning.

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Umm Im so confused as how it hasn’t come up… if you’ve spoken to him for 2 weeks everyday how have you not mentioned the most Important thing in your life?
I literally bring up my kids in most conversations with anyone as they are such a big part of my life and I am such a proud mum :woman_shrugging:t2:

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How haven’t you mentioned your daughter yet?
Doesn’t matter who i talk to i always end up talking about my kids, they are my life so they are what i talk about more than anything… to start a good relationship you should have complete honesty from the beginning…

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Usually asking about kids is one of the first questions I ask and of course I say I have a kid. I think that should be done within the first conversation. Some people don’t want kids or won’t date people with kids. I lead with that because there will be no debating on dating me or not because I’m a mom and that’s not gonna change. That’s important information. In my opinion, it should’ve already been told. But since you haven’t. I’d tell him before the date because if he is not willing to date someone with kids, you’re wasting your time.

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I don’t understand how this hasn’t already come up unless Im the only person who constantly speaks about my child. When he says ‘what have you done today?’ how has no mention of the child ever come into conversation :see_no_evil::joy: drop it in there it’s been over two weeks of speaking, he probably already knows if like you say he’s looked at your Instagram and hasn’t mentioned it if it isn’t an issue with him. You’re overthinking way too much but deffo feel like it needs to be said before it looks like you’re hiding the fact you have a kid. Good luck x

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Talking about it on the first date is fair. Not too soon, not too late. Prior to that when you are first talking to someone you’re just seeing if your personalities mean enough to even get to the first date. Once on the first date this can be a casual question as simple as asking if they have any kids following their answer (if they don’t ask in return) with another simple response of “I was just wondering since my child is a year’s old” . People are making way to big a deal over it. A first date is still the beginning stage of “are we compatible” & that’s one of the things to figure it out & still early enough for one or both parties to back out of anything more than a date.

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I have no children and coming from the side of someone who doesn’t want any children I have that conversation pretty quick. I’d say that’s quite an important thing and if he doesn’t want kids he might not be very happy you haven’t told him yet though I imagine if it was a big issue for him he would have asked. I’d just tell him now say look it didn’t come up and then I wasn’t sure how to say it but I have an “insert age” year old daughter

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I met my partner on a dating app and the first thing I told him was I had a child. I did not want to waste my time getting to know someone and come to find out he isn’t interested in kids. We are a package deal.

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It should be under your dating profile already :sweat_smile:

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I told my now husband up front. Just bc they know about them doesn’t mean they have to meet them. I didn’t introduce my kids for a long time.

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You’ve started off straight away with a huge secret. How have you not even mentioned it? My kids are all I talk about.

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The longer you wait the weirder it will be that you didn’t say anything. Don’t overthink it. Maybe mention it on your dating profile too?

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Are you in denial that you even have a kid? No mention of them on your socials, no mention of them to a man your potentially dating, and you don’t want to make a big deal of announcing their existence? I think you need to put your child first and make them a priority

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Not a problem. Just talk about it at the first date. If he had a problem with it he would have asked beforehand, since it is not rare to have children at that age. Maybe he has kids too. Who is knows?
And no, i wouldn’t put it on my dating profile. Safety had to come first and unfortunately there are sick people outside looking especially for single mothers with kids with no good interest.

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Isn’t that normally a question on the app?

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I would bring it up before the next date.
Something along the line that you realise you’d forgot to bring up the fact you have a daughter and let him no the information you think he needs. Atleast this way you both have time to think, look at the red flags (you not telling him earlier, or if he says things you don’t agree with about kids/your daughter) and can decide if going forward is for you two or not

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Obviously I’m not a single mom lol but if you wanted a potential reaction from a guy… it really doesn’t matter technically… there are obvious details that aren’t REALLY important to know buuut… since you guys say you talk a lot next time y’all talk about stuff he interested in just throw out the phrase “my kid likes blah blah blah too” :man_shrugging:t4: be best if your child does that way when and if the day this dude ever meets your child he has something to talk about with your kid :+1:t4: sorry for intruding lol

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I personally think you should have done stated the fact that you have a child, youre a packaged deal. When my husband and i started ‘talking’ he told me “before we start actually dating and before things go to far i want you to know that i do have a daughter if you dont like that then we cant be together.” And i told him the same thing. Maybe go on a date or 2 to see if youbare comfortable with yoir daughter being around him then let them meet. But definitely should have done stated the fact.

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Straight away after saying hello. Seriously kids are a priority if you can’t put them first by saying hey you want to go on a date but I’ve got a kid there’s something wrong with you

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You mention it right away… you’re not putting your child in harm’s way by putting it out there that you’re a mother, but you’re risking having someone who doesn’t want stepchildren catch feelings, only to later disappoint them.

It’s best for them to know from day 1 you’re a package deal. :100:

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This shouldn’t even be a concern your child is a huge part of your life. It should be one of the first things you told this person. I always thought it was kind of strange if I knew people and they never talked about they’re child. Privacy is understandable but they should know.

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My partner and I met on a dating app and we both had kids. We knew before our first date that that was the way it was. Our kids came first to us and now 3 years later we are a blended family with a 1 and a half year old and a bub on the way. I would do it on the first date, as that is a time to get to know about each other more.

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ASAP. Even him not asking is weird to me. I always ask within the first day talking to that person.

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No one thinks that the fact that they haven’t gone on a date but she’s taking him to the airport is a red flag :triangular_flag_on_post:? Maybe I’m just an overthinker but there are so many other ways to get to the airport besides someone you met on a dating app.

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Honestly, when I was on dating apps I put it in my profile. Just a little blurb, hey, I’m a mom, so if that’s not cool, keep scrolling. I don’t have time to waste with people who aren’t ok with me being a mom. And it’s not fair to waste their time if it’s something they’re not ok with.

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I told my now wife that I was a single dad right off the bat. My daughter is and was first and always would be. If she had a problem with this it wasn’t going to work. It took some adjustments for her to get used to but she fell in love with her. Now my daughter has called her mom for 8 years. I got pretty lucky.

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Honestly I was upfront and honest with my current partner that I have two kiddos and they have different dad’s. Ones dad’s in the picture and ones not. My current partner learned that it was an all or nothing deal. We came as a package and he accepts it. He comes through for all three of us more than anyone else does and has ever had. From small stuff like grabbing something from the store to major stuff like er trip or being there when my mom had surgery.

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I think you should of mentioned it when you first told him about yourself. Even in your dating app profile, I think it should be mentioned. Because that way guys can decide whether or not they want to pursue you. I personally think you have left it too late, to be talking to him for a while already and met him once and he had no idea that you have a kid? When you do tell him I feel like he will be kind of shocked and pissed that you didn’t tell him sooner. He will be feel like you’ve been hiding it from him :confused: however I wish you the best and I hope that he is an understanding guy that likes kids

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This need to be mentioned ASAP. My partner currently knew about my son from day 1, as it wasn’t sugar coated. He’s taken him on like his own and even planned little dates around having my son with me and involving him so he could bond with both of us. :heart:

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I don’t understand how it could have not been said already, what’s do you talk about?
I’ve been dating for a few months now as a single mum to a daughter and it’s one of the first things I being up in casual conversation.
I would just bring it up casually, usually I just say “my daughter and I went to the park today” or something like that in response to the usual “how was your day” message.

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I would bring it up and say something like

I have to tell you something before this gets to serious because I don’t want things to go to far and then you find out and it be a deal breaker to you and I need to tell you because it is very very important…. I have a daughter

And then depending on what he says should tell you what to do.

Good luck!

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Your child must always come first in how you live your life. Present yourself as a wonderful and beautiful caring mother as soon as possible and not as something to feel ashamed or embarrassed about. Anyone judging you for having a child is their loss :heart:

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Straight away. You come as a package deal and it’s best to lay all your cards out before you get too involved because then you’ll be able to gauge their reaction and will save you both any upset :slightly_smiling_face:

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I think it’s great that you are able to have a conversation and life that doesn’t evolve around your child! Soo many mothers are like my kid comes first blah blah, and that should be a given, if you are a parent be responsible, but it doesn’t mean they have to be your entire life! And as long as you aren’t hiding it or being deceiving then when you feel comfortable bringing it up bring it up. This is from the perspective of a single guy with no kids

Something like … I was rushing not to be late for u n quickly dropped my daughter off at mum’s… n then jump into like ur shirt or wtever … he’ll take it from there… a relationship where ur daughter is welcome is wt ur looking for… hope things work out

Don’t ever feel that you have to explain yourself when it comes to your child . Say it now ,say it proud don’t hide it . Best advice I can give a single mom ( from a single mom ) if he isn’t the right one it’s ok to say “ I love you but I love my child more and have to do what is best for them “

Having a kid and dating is not a problem. especially nowadays it’s almost the norm. It’s best to come forth and let him know. I’m more concern about not letting him meet your kids until you feel he’s trust worthy.

I have 6 kids and am single. Thats i am a mom i already have in my profile and a deceent man will ask you in a first conversation about the age of kid. Then be open and honest. Its something to be pround of not something to hide or see as a problem. Its package deal in the longrun. At the start not so much but its need to be worked around off so start open is the only way. Hope you find the happiness youre looking for :kissing_heart:

I don’t mention anything about my daughter on dating apps (for safety reasons) but when a conversation leads up to planning to meet someone, I will THEN tell them about my child.

And I also tell them my reasoning and if it’s not their thing it’s fine either way :woman_shrugging:t2:

But the stuff around meeting someone multiple times and then telling them that’s a-bit harsh :joy:

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I always told men up front. I’m my kids only mom. It’s part of my job to include them in my life.

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I think I’d wanna know straight away if it were me, you don’t want to start getting invested in a relationship if it’s not going to work out over something as important as kids etc

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Right away, because he needs to understand your child comes first, plus you don’t want him to think your not an honest person.

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It kinda feels like you lied already. How have you not mentioned it?

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Your child suppose to be priority in your life, the fact that u think can “ruin” a date….is very concerning! I would mention in the first online conversation! Your child is your World and only a guy that understands it….fit in!!!

It should be one of the first things you mentioned :woman_shrugging: … some people don’t want kids or the responsibility of someone else’s and at the end of the day that’s ok, so it’s best to be honest immediately so that things don’t escalate and feelings become hurt!!

Ypu took him to the airport? Was that first date? He arledy use you for something. I always telling about kids first,they know before they talk to me

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I dont think you needed to address kids ASAP. If you find you are meshing by 2nd or 3rd date and it isnt then no harm. You say he lives out of town, if flying sounds like might be a long distance romance, is that what you want as well? Just be careful in this, make sure your ready for long distance.
I would never advertise on dating site that you have children as thats exactly what some are looking for. You cant be to careful.

Bring a picture and ask if he’d like to see a picture of your beautiful daughter. If he has children he’ll reciprocate.

She should have already told him. It isn’t fair not to & already seems like she’s being dishonest. Sharing this information doesn’t mean he’ll actually get to meet her, just allows her existence to be known, he may not want to deal or accept the baggage (the other parent, not the child) that comes along with her…and there’s nothing wrong with that. Tell him in the next conversation, be honest.

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Make it a casual comment in conversation, don’t over play it, it is quite usual to have a little one,shes in part of your life, my husband took on 3 boys and he had a daughter, 32 years later its still all good .

Why not wait till you get to know him more if hes a nice guy he will understand you need to make sure before introducing him to your child

This might be an unpopular opinion and I know you’re probably trying to protect your daughter by vetting guys first. But you may very well be unintentionally tricking men into catching feelings, then they find out you withheld crucial information about your life such as you being a parent. There’s some men out there who flat out will not date a woman who has kids, there are some men out there who do not want to have kids at all step or biological, and then there are some men who just simply wouldn’t care either way. But anyway it goes it’s probably one of the first things you should tell somebody that you’re interested in is that you have a child. Want to protect your child from weirdos then do not introduce them until you feel comfortable with them meeting. But it really should be something you tell someone in the first 2 dates/conversations you have with a perspective spouse.

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Just drop inna convo how does he feel about kids. Or say would you date someone with kids. See what his answer is.then decide from that

I would say I have a child
I would say something like
My daughter or son had a fab weekend we went wherever
Or daughter or son have made you very proud and tell him what they have done
Take your child for a photo shoot and say we had a photo shoot over the weekend would you like to see the photos
It’s just normal and it’s the first date so just bring them into the conversation as if he knows you and the family already then he knows from day one
But you haven’t made a big issue about it x

You can make it real easy in your conversation…" You have kids in your family ?" I have a daughter , who just …" Watch his reaction …if he backs away or looks displeased, he’s not for you. Simple

You already missed when you were " supposed " to tell him, should have been mentioned within the first few conversations

always say something about the kid, you don’t know if this guy would date someone with kids and now both of y’all have invested time talking already and about to invest more going on a date…he will possibly feel lied to when you mention it on the date because you guys have been talking…I don’t understand why this wasn’t mentioned…I typically say something within the first 1-2 conversations…so we both know then if it’s worth continuing to even talk

Asa guy who Durant mind dating if you are or are not a parent, I would kind of expect it to come up while we’re planning dates as something to be considerate of when making plans

You should of posted about them on the dating site that way it’s out there in the open and you don’t have to go through this

Talked every day for 10 days…not only did you not tell him you had a child…HE DIDN’T ASK…?! Y’all sound like a match made in trifling ass heaven :unamused: best of luck to you :+1:t5:

I believe it should be done at the very beginning. Some people don’t want children and no one should waste their time making a connection to learn that’s something that is a big no for them.

I use to want kids but I’m older and tired now I couldn’t be a proper “parent/role model” to a child at this point so If I was looking to date I wouldn’t want it to be someone with kids. It’s wasting both our time. And at 40 who has time to waste lol.

Simples… say wow I nearly didn’t make our date …as the baby sittet was late?? And take it from there

I’m a single mom with a kid… personally I don’t date people seriously who I haven’t known for at least 6 months to a year. So yeah, they already know I have a kid by then. Friends first if not a well known acquaintance. This gives me time to know them and be able to trust their temperament to a certain degree. If I were to give you advice as to when to start actually dating someone I would wait 3-4 months. Usually after the 3rd month people start to show their true colors, they can’t hold a fake persona that long if you spend enough time with them consistently and see them in different situations drunk or sober night or day tired or anxious. Depressed or angry. But, as is I’d tell them as soon as possible as it can be a deal breaker and a waste of everyone’s time. Don’t expend your energy on someone who might turn you away for having a kid. It’s their right and their choice but they might not even be there if they knew already. We can’t just throw our kids in the closet and surprise them later with it like it’s a forgotten present. I like to be up front as much as possible. Frankly because I don’t have the energy anymore to deal with the backlash and problems it causes when you don’t put things on the table and let them decide just as it wouldn’t be fair to you if they did that. If you plan to be with someone then plan on being with them knowing full well they’re going to be there as an every day part of your life eventually and so (still) is your child. But my experience is most guys especially my age don’t mind me having a kid it’s never really been an issue. Seems a lot more guys like kids than I thought. But, given you’re younger this could be an issue.

I will say I did break my rule once and dated a guy who I really didn’t know but only in passing over a few years…. It turned into an abusive relationship didn’t have a clue till about 3 months in… he love bombed me and then completely changed how he treated me out of no where. I’m still trying to recover from it. That’s why I say rule of thumb is at least 3 months. But, you do you. And let that guy know it doesn’t have to be dramatic, just say hey look I was trying to find the right time to talk about this and I just haven’t found the chance till now, where I felt comfortable enough because, I was first just trying to get to know you… I want you to know that I have a child/kid her name is this and she’s such and such age, I hope you’re not upset that I haven’t been able to be upfront about it till now. I have been nervous about this and not knowing exactly the right moves with dating cause it’s been so long and I didn’t want to ruin it cause… I really like you and think we can make this work.

Next time he asks what you are doing today/ have been doing then just say you’re spending it with your kid. Or if he comments on something just say oh my kid loves doing that too haha.

If you’re someone he’s interested in he will be fine. If he’s not it will be an excuse.

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I would have mentioned it the first time we talked. If it puts anyone off, then great, I’m not wasting my time. Their loss. :person_shrugging: