Hi mammas! I need some advice. I have been married to my husband for five years, and in those years, we have had four children (ages 5,3,2, and 7 months). We got married because we got pregnant, and I feel like I was pressured into it by all my family members (if you get pregnant, you get married in their eyes), so here I am, I feel like I’m stuck in a dead-end marriage. My husband works the night shift and has since my first son was born, and he sleeps during the day. So I’m taking care of the kids for the most part by myself. I love him as the father of my children; I just don’t love him anymore. We have gone to marriage counseling that didn’t help. Divorce has been brought up numerous times. I don’t have a job at the moment because I stay home saves more money than me going to work. My family keeps telling me I need to stick it out for my kids and my sanity. They told me if we do get a divorce, than their houses are not open to my kids and me. I don’t know if I should stay and stick it out or go.
Leave make yourself happy all will be fine I DID IT BEST CHOICE ON MY LIFE
Get a job, find a daycare and do for yourself, you want out work for it. If you’re not happy leave.
Honey you married for the wrong reasons and had 3 more children??? 
When you start asking strangers when you should leave your marriage. 
No one can tell you to stay or go. That’s a decision only you can make. No one else walks in your shoes.
I think you should wait
If your not happy bye bye the kids see it its hurting the kids in the long run.
Get a job ASAP and stop having babies if you are unsure about the marriage. It’s a hard season. Raising babies and the hubby working. It leaves little time for one on one time. Try planning date nights. Get a sitter once a month or more. Find yourself and actively work on your marriage. Give it a time frame you are comfortable with and if it’s not working still then leave. That also gives you time to be able to support yourself.
Hear me out. Stick it out for a bit. Get a degree online so you’re not having to pay anyone to watch your kids. After you’ve gotten your degree (depending what you go for) you should be able to get a good job. Then you can leave and support yourself and your children. I left before doing this and made our lives very difficult for a long time. I also didn’t have any help from family. You have to make sure you and your children are secure.
That’s sad that your family would not open their hearts and home to you when you might need it most.
Never forget that they weren’t there for you when you needed them most
It’s time to end it now. DO NOT EVER STAY IN AN UNHAPPY RELATIONSHIP FOR THE KIDS! You are teaching them that this unhealthy unhappy relationship is normal and they will grow up and go through the same thing and worse. Your children deserve to see you happy and loved correctly! Reach out for help to get out of this situation. If there’s anyway you can work even part time to start slowly saving money to get out on your own. If your own family will turn their backs on you, then they don’t deserve a spot in your life or your kids lives. Do what’s best for you and your kids! Nothing else matters
Can you save up a little money, like from hubby obviously, and then leave so you don’t have to worry about having no where to go? Or maybe talk to hubby and see if he’d still help you with bills until you get a job
If you need to ask, it’s probably time.
Love is a choice. Feelings can change on a daily basis. It looks like you’re going to have a rough road ahead of you because divorce means breaking up your family, getting a job, moving into your own home and finding day care. Sometimes we go through rough patches In our marriages but if your marriage can be saved you should try. If not then definitely consider it’s going to be big changes for you and your family.
I raised 5 of my children on my own… I styed with the father for all the wrong reason … had enough took my kids and did it on my own… it’s sad that your family will turn away from your kids … but I believe you can do this on your own …
Are you and the kids doing well now? If you get a divorce will you and the kids do okay?
Your family sucks honestly. Pressure you into getting married and then refuse to help if you need out?
Life is to short to be unhappy. Get a job and leave. If your family is unsupportive leave them as well. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. There is help for those who seek it. Good luck dear hope you’re able to find some peace and happiness 
just remember you’re blocking your blessings by staying where you’re not meant to be.
Sounds like you got yourself into a situation. I dont understand why you didnt use birth control in your unhappy marriage. Youve got many lives depending on you now and if you want to go it alone, you better make a good living or have a good lawyer. Good luck.
It seems like you’ve already made up your mind I think most of us do and then just realize that hey we don’t want to so if more people say yes then okay. So what I think is that you already want to leave, so get a job find a cheap place to live and leave
Why did you have so many kids with him if you aren’t happy? I mean hell I wouldnt be happy if I was pregnant like thY back to back. Why don’t you try and go to school or get a job so yoh get out of the house some and see if your still unhappy. I mean yeah you could leave him but will that really make you happy? If he was mean or abusive I would say run but sounds like you have a man tbat is working to support his large family…nowadays thats a blessing he could be cheating on you or left you and become a deadbeat dad.
Why have 3 more children with a guy who you felt forced to marry? 
honestly hate seeing posts like this! Than everyone be like just leave him it will be better for you and the children like broken homes/divorce wouldn’t hurt them just as much. 
You need to make yourself happy and do what is best for you and your kids.
Your family is shitty.
From someone who grew up in a situation similar to this, do not stay together for the kids, if that is the only reason you are staying then I would say y’all should get divorced
Don’t listen to your family or anyone on here when it comes what to do. That is a decision only you can make.
You felt pressured into marriage by your family members because you were pregnant, then had 3 more kids after that, but you don’t love him anymore? If you don’t love him anymore it sounds like the time to walk away is now before you end up with a 5th and 6th kid.
I always loved my husband too as the father of our children but I was never in love with him. After 16 years together and 11 years of marriage it wasn’t worth it anymore. I was a married single mom. I did everything on my own, by myself. He was self employed so I even worked just to pay for daycare and obtain health insurance for us. Knowing now what became of my family, the God, the bad, I really don’t regret it and think I would still do the same if given the choice to do it all over again. I had the chance to actually experience love and to be loved in return. That was something I never had with him.
#1 I’m sorry your family refuses to help that is very sad.
#2 get a job and save money
#3 DO NOT stay with him if you do not love him. It is not fair to use him to support you to better your life just to leave him that is selfish.
#4 stop having babies with a man you dont love. Especially sense right now you can support the ones you do have on your own.
Firstly, you need to get a job yourself to start saving. You don’t have family support only your own. So they means you’re gonna have to have money come in so you can leave. Why continue to be with someone if you don’t love them as your husband, let him and yourself find other people who deserve you. Get out and work, save money to move with you and your children, try housing alliance they can help you since you have four kids, it will take some of the load off.
If you see this OP, just know that we all make mistakes and life isn’t as easy as… right and wrong. What’s important is your happiness. Your kids need you to be happy and fulfilled.
All marriages will have ups and downs. I can say from experience that divorce isnt just cutting ties. There is still coparenting and if dad wants to be involved, only seeing your babies half the time. Thats a hard thing for a mother, but cultivating that relationship with dad is whats best for the child (if he isnt a drug addict or abusive of course). I would highly recommend having a REAL conversation about this. Continue the marriage counseling. Go on dates, even if you dont want to at first. Try to remember why you ever felt love for him in the first place. HOWEVER: do not let your family decide for you. My family was entirely against my divorce and they have come around because they have seen the way i was treated and spoken to. It is your life and your decision and no one should make you feel bad about it no matter what you decide. I agree with other commenters also about doing more for yourself. Hugs
It’s painful to hear that your family doesn’t have your back during a difficult time. I hope you will gather your strength and get a job. It will be hard but I’m sure you will make it through. Start thinking about yourself, put yourself first. Your children will see your courage and they will grow courage in themselves. Get out of there - from that dark, depressing phase of your life. You deserve better. God bless you and your children.
Your kids need to witness healthy relationships to be able to repeat that later in life.
Your family is not being supportive and that’s not what families do. Do you have friends? More distant family?
Also, it’s not as if he will just up and leave, right? He will still need to support his children.
You know what to do, you’re just scared to do it.
Why keep having kids if you don’t love him?
Do not stay for the kids or financial reasons. You are the example for your kids on what to expect from love and marriage. And they see more than you know.
Make a plan, make sure you have the finances for short term and what can do after to be independent. I’d that’s working while kids visit their dad and off when they home then figure out how much you need to do that.
Get a lawyer. Talk to him about what your options are and what can do to best prepare so that you can provide for your kids in your own home.
Lastly do best to make it as respectful and cordial with the father as possible but don’t let him roll over you to avoid conflict. That’ll hurt you and kids later.
Firstly find child care and a job, save, save save. Surround yourself with friends. Get out of your marriage and be happy. You get one shot at life. If family aren’t loyal, you don’t need them. Be a happy Mum. Wishing you all the best, do what you need to do
It is really hard doing it alone! Daycare is crazy expensive and it may be very difficult to make ends meet 
I would put the work into your marriage and do your best to make things work at least keep whole heartily trying until things change it is very hard on the kids too going through a divorce
Having that many children back to back AND him being the only income while working nights sounds like the making of any marital problem. Hes probably miserable, you sound miserable. Sounds to me like situational issues but of course I’m not in your marriage. Those facts alone would bring issues to the table let alone all of them combined. He doesn’t have a part in your lives together as he’s either working or sleeping and you are left to take the reins of the entire child upbringing without a partner. Unfortunately id say that many kids in such a small time frame wasn’t the best choice but its here and there’s no changing it. I’d look to alleviate some of the disconnect and see if the marriage can strive, but if your hearts not in it then so be it. Just know its a rough world out there for single mommas and you better be prepared to pull yourself up and get the job done. (P.s. none of this was in any way judgemental. I don’t know how to give advice without being overly blunt lol) best of luck doll!
Wow, what kind of parents say that.
Don’t let your family choose your life any further. Look where its gotten you. Ur a women ur strong. Doesn’t mean it will be easy. But its definitely doable.
Y’all need to set aside a date night even if you can’t get a babysitter put them to bed and have a y’all time once a week or every other week and see if you can put a spark back you must’ve loved him at one time or you wouldn’t have four children with this man , find things about him that are awesome, from what I understand he works his ass off to support the family and I didn’t hear of any abuse or cheating sounds like you’ve got a good man and that being sad you’d really be a fool for leaving your marriage and your children will suffer , stick it out and five years isn’t long enough give this man a chance to get to know him more talk to him Divorce isn’t an option in this case I don’t see it , but you do you it I bet you’ll regret it In the long run … my opinion !!!
If you as a person are not happy I would end it! The kids learn what they are taught and if they see you unhappy and just sticking it out they will learn the same pattern! If you are single and the kids are loved and your happy it’s a much more healthy relationship for everyone involved!
First learn to love yourself, then think about loving/ not loving him.
So much thought into leaving him but no thought into creating a family!?
If there’s no substance addiction/ physical abuse / infedelity,my advice is to work on yourself and on raising the kids.
Maintain civility.
As an adult we have to live lives of responsibility and care for our kids.
Note i did not mention emotional/ mental abuse,because lack of love feels like that ,but it is not.
Work on your marriage.
Trust,devotion and respect sometimes magically transform into love.
All the best.
Your family is a bunch of assholes. Period. Take those kids, file for divorce, and live a happy life. Period.
Counseling. We do it yearly if there’s issues or not. Helps so much.
I am so sorry you’re in this position.
Stick it out and work from home until you can save enough money to leave. Maybe even start babysitting or something
Walk away. You obviously aren’t happy in your marriage and have admitted counseling didn’t work. You deserve better.
Why keep having babies with a man that you don’t love? Children. Do. Not. Fix. A. Relationship.
Your family sounds absolutely awful. I can’t even sugar coat it.
If you’ve given your marriage 100% and you’re still not happy then get out. However, it sounds like you’ll be homeless if you leave since your family sucks.
Find a way. Don’t stay stuck and unhappy. It will wear you down. Get a lawyer. Get a job. The kids are his too so he needs to wake his ass up and help so you can go work a part time job and save money to move out.
4 kids, doing it alone…no one would be happy.
Tell them to feck off its your life dont stay if your unhappy your family are vile id walk away from them all hubby included
I say try and spend some time with your husband together just use two I feel because he’s working all the time and your stuck at home use probably don’t actually spend “quality time together your both probably miserable . Maybe try spending some nice time together before you make a huge decision because I know for a fact sometimes you realise you actually do love them once there gone . Xx
Could it be that you are absolutely exhausted from being pregnant and mom for 5 years?? That’s a lot. And not getting much help has to be even more stress. Is there something that you can do to give you a little space/break? Does he help when he’s up? Do you tell him he’s a good dad and you appreciate it? That stuff goes a long way. Yes, both ways but maybe you could start it? Just an idea. 
There is a lot more to marriage than just love. Maybe you and him should talk about everything and figure out what you both want. It seems to me you need time with your husband and your not getting it. I was raised that you fight for what you want. If you really want out then you will figure it out but if there is any hope to save your marriage and family I recommend doing so. Been married 15 years it’s hard. Your husband should try go find a different job so he can help you with them kids and give you some adult time also. In the end it’s best to just pray
If you didn’t love him put to sleep with him in the first place and put three other lives ahead of yours
Marriage is for better or worse as long as there is no abuse, be it physical, emotional, mental, sexual or addiction.
If you want a better marriage, be better.
If you can’t do it you owe it to him to get out and do it on your own.
Have you tried working and him staying home with the kids😊
What kind of family do you have? That’s terrible
Are you unhappy in the marriage or are you unhappy with staying at home all the time with 4 kids alone to take care of them? 
Lifes too short to be unhappy.
Birth control is free. Not neaning to be ugly. But only have children when it is the best marriage and you can support them . Never depend on one to make all the income if more than one child. Its expensive. So if you dont love him you need to hurry and get a trade that will support you and the kids. You are the one wanting out. Not right to expect him to take care of you. . How old are you?
If you want a better marriage, you need to lay yourself and your “junk” down first. Work on you. Stop trying to fix or work on him. If he sees a change in you, it should make him want to be better.
Obviously if there is no abuse of any kind.
When you made the vows you promised for better and worse. Love is an action you need to act on daily. Not just when you feel good or when it’s been a good day.
Life is hard. Work on it. The ramifications of divorce are much worse on children than the parents.
Work on it for them. Be the example to them to not quit when marriage gets hard because EVERY marriage is hard.
You may have got married because of the first pregnancy but you have four kids!!!
All relationships take work. Every single one of them. No relationship comes easy all the time.
Counseling can be a great tool. But it’s only that…a tool. Its not a cureall…you have to put the work in every day for it to do you any good.
I cant tell you whether to stay or to go.
But personally I would only call it quits after I’d really tried everything. Not just went through the motions of pretending to try every but actually trying.
i think this is quite normal, you have 4 extremely young kids and you actually need some ME time, an afternoon or a whole day or a girls weekend away something to find yourself, the no love you are feeling towards your husband its because all you do is cook clean and look after everyone, and you are jmportant too, or even take a weekend away with hubbie and the kids goes to the grannies. My parents took our kids 1 weekend a month so that we could reconnect,be ourselves,go on a date
Ok so first off your family sucks. Do what you have to do. Find good daycare and get a job. I think it’s more damaging to stay in a loveless marriage than to see your parents separate. Maybe you will find someone who loves you and get remarried but even if you stay single you will be strong enough to handle it on your own. Be strong. For yourself and your kids. You got this mama
EXTREMELY hard to make it on ur own especially with kids
So you felt pressured to marry him but willingly had 3 more kids? 
marriage is for better or worse, unless there is any type of abuse going on.
I’m sorry but you have a man who gives you the blessing of staying at home. That’s rare now. Do you know how many times my husband has worked nights and slept during the day or been 5+ hours working 7 12’s? Plenty. And yeah it sucked doing everything but I was so grateful to him.
Are you both bringing up divorce or are YOU bringing it up? If YOU aren’t happy then you owe it to him to leave.
And please for love of God do not have another kid.
Pray about it God will heal you and help you
Maybe try getting a job, even if part time. Pay family or apply for daycare assistance (depending what state you live in) and save to move out. If your family won’t help you, do it alone. It won’t be easy but it’s possible.
Wow theres so many rude comments here. Sorry your family is like this I think its wrong and it was wrong for them to pressure you into marriage. If your unhappy and dont love him thats enough to leave. You do you dont worry about what anybody else thinks because as the saying goes happy mum happy kids
Walk away now. Never stay together for the kids. Go to court… Get divorced… Parenting plan and child support. Then move on and for tge love of God. Stay single. You do not need a man. (Too many news stories lately of boyfriends killing girlfriends kids. If you have to date. Do not introduce your kids to them until 6 months)
In my opinion, your family is wrong for dictating who you should be with or marry. And now they are going to turn their back on you if you leave him… ma’am that is an form of control!!! I seed my prayers too you and you babies because that are the ones who is going to suffer if you continue to let your family make decisions for you .
If I were in your shoes… tell him you need some help with the kids even if it is just for a few hour in the afternoon to give you a break. There is no way you have fully recovered from having that many children in that time span. Hormones are probably just now getting leveled out and you have to figure out who you are now. You are more that just a mom. I know that is probably how you feel or at least how I would feel. Relationships take work if there is no fighting and abuse or negative actions going on in the home then I would stay to try to fix it. If you feel like you have just fallen out of love that can be worked on. Time changes people kids change people. One night a week pay for a sitter and spend time together. Not necessarily go out but go on a walk or just a dinner with just the two of you and write down how you are feeling so you can talk about it together. I’m forgetful so when it’s time to talk about it I can remind myself. It will not be easy and it will take time but if you really want to try to work it out then you can. All successful marriages take work and they are not always happy times. If you decided you don’t want to be there you do have to find a way to support yourself and your children. Unfortunately you can not depend on him to take care of the children until it is court ordered and half the time they still don’t help. (Just preparing you for worst case scenario.) You will need to save some money up before you move out getting a place on your own is expensive. (First months rent, deposit, electric deposit, water, etc). I hope you find happiness in you life. And always remember you can not be happy with someone if you are not happy with yourself.
Don’t stay together just for the kids. Kids know when the parents are not happy and even if they don’t show it and y’all never express it toward them they will often feel the unhappiness has to do with them. Speaking from experience in my own life and others around me. I am not a child psychologist so take from this what you will.
Sounds like he is providing for you and your children. I am sure working nights are not ideal for anyone including him but you should be looking more to being happy you have a man whose doing all he can to support your family. So, you are “stuck” at home with all the kids you both decided to have… you need to really change your perspective on what he is doing rather than what your not getting. Having all this kids back to back was a choice. You think leaving to be alone solves all your problems. If he is a good dad …good husband you need to get yourself together.
Another life or man isnt going to make you happy or make things easier.
Who are you really unhappy with?
I too married my ex because we got pregnant… you know what? 2 wrongs don’t make a right.
But you should try setting time aside to do things for yourselves. Get a sitter and go on dates. Get to know each other in a way you didn’t get to because you married in haste.
Also, I’ve learned that you can’t stay married “for the kids”… it doesn’t give them a healthy role model for how marriage is supposed to be.
I think you and the husband need to sit down and come up with a separation/divorce plan so you can both support your half of all the kids needs. Maybe you stay married for awhile so you can get a job or get a certificate or something so you c an provide as well. It could work out for both of you if you guys can adult this situation. Then the kids win in the end.
So work it out to be room mates. Yall are civil enough to just go on dates with other people. It’s a new age and yall can be loyal to each other while also being true to yourselves. We have a short life… live it.
but yea don’t have more kids if you aren’t stable.
All that being said… several people are raising their 4 kids alone… somehow idk how but they are… so just do what you can. At least you have your husband to help… but yea stirring the pot is nerve racking. Sorry your family doesn’t support your happiness… are your kids that bad that they don’t want them around or wtf is going on there? Do they think you would never lift a finger? Idk.
Hope you find happiness
You do what your heart tells you. With child support and a job you should be able to make it.
Sounds harder for you right now if you leavr
I am so sorry you are unhappy. The grass is always greener on the other side. I raised 4 children alone as a 22 year old widow. Be careful what you wish for you just might get it. I think you are very lonely. Please undetstand I bet he is too. Get a part time job even if it right now doesn’t help financially that much. Getting out around people will help. I have nevet been afforded the opportunity to be a stay at home mom. You may realize he isn’t so bad and not the cause of your unhappiness. You may not realize how good it is til it’s gone. Give it a try.
I would have to agree with a couple of the ladies here try and make time for both of u’s see somehow u and hubby can have a weekend together sometimes in our lives we analyze ( over think ) the wrong things maybe try some self care for urself I’m raising my 3 children by myself I ain’t gonna lie it’s hard it’s definitely not easy but we are mom’s we got this ! During the day even try to give urself a 15 min mom time by urself whatever u decide good luck momma remember self care it can be done 
You made your bed so to speak and you need to suck it up like your great grandma did
Have you spoken to hubby about him maybe getting a new job, with normal hours. Or get yourself a job. It’s not always about money your sanity is important too.
I feel terrible that your family doesn’t treat you and the kids like family. How terrible. I think you should reconnect with your husband but as many will agree it’s work. It really depends where you are mentally also since you mentioned you considered and talked about divorce many times. Not sure what to tell you. At the end of the day you have to make a choice and live with it.
Walk away. Dont stick it out for the kids, you have to think about your mental state as well. If you arent happy, they will know, and the longer you arent happy, the more it will come out in your actions. Prove your family wrong. May e you and your husband will make great co-parents.
Love takes effort, if no one is putting in the work then it won’t be there. I also think you might just need to get out of the house being a sahm can be lonely. Don’t make rash decisions, get a job and around people then reevaluate.
Will leaving him (and then being totally on your own to care for your kids PLUS have to pay bills, find a job, etc. really be better? Love goes through ups and downs but you can work through the hard parts if you try.
First 3rd shift and no time together kills a lot. You aren’t sleeping in the same bed at night and aren’t with each other during the day. You have no help really with the kids due to that schedule. Why not discuss a shift change, planned date nights, and him helping with evening routines so you get a break for a moment even to bathe alone? Put more effort into the marriage verses running everytime things get hard. Maybe even get a part time job to get time away. He works to support you all and while that shouldn’t be his only job (as he should also make time for you and them kids) it is still a hard job. Not to mention if you leave who watches your kids? How will you work? How are them bills getting paid? Where will you live seeing as you dont have money nor family to help? You can’t just up and leave without possibilities first especially with kids.
I think you may be unhappy because of your situation. Marriage isn’t white and black. It’s been 5 years and you guys had children at the beginning of it. When did you guys give yourselves a chance? If you realized you didn’t want to be with him after your first child why did you continue having children? I’m not judging just honest questions because I am confused. I say you’re free to make whatever decision you would like. It will be harder for you how things are going right now… me personally, I would go to work, find baby sitters for the children me and find the spark in the relationship again. Children can cause a strain on marriages, don’t let it! You’re still yourself not just a mom.
You have to do what’s best for you and kids
So many Rude responses in these comments… you do not know the whole situation! Abuse comes in many forms. You have no idea what this woman faces on a daily basis & you want to pile on even more negativity… that is just terrible 
This is a mother looking for support, as she clearly has none from her family… please learn to have some compassion for others.
My heart goes out to you and I hope you gain the strength to move forward & find stability for you and your children (Whatever your decision may be).
I understand the first child was what made you get married to each other but why did you have 3 more if you weren’t happy?
It will be more financially stressful if you split up. Paying for 2 househods on one income will take many opportunities away from your children. If he’s not a bad person, abusive and he’s a good dad working hard to provide, I would stick it out and stop having babies.
I think you may just be going through a drought or a bad patch if you made that many babies with him they must be something there. Try doing somethings to make you happier online classes join a club get a hobby maybe if you feel like your doing something you can get through the rut.
You need to tell your family to kiss your ass. If they said that they don’t care just as long as you’re out of their hair. If you got married because you were pregnant , maybe you should’ve waited to have more kids with him. It’s hard to be on your own with 1 or 2 babies but 4…thats really goin be hard. But you gotta do whats best for you & your babies. You may have to stay for a while, til you can make it on your own. I wish you luck. God bless you & your babies.
First off your family is wrong for shutting you out like that & second talk to him about getting another job or maybe you get a job find a sitter make plans to go out or something I feel like someone isn’t trying & you both need to feel that excitment again seems like you both lost your groove in the whole marriage thing it takes 2 !